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Sister

It amazes me how one can distance themselves and NOT expect animosity from that decision. You misremember facts, to be sure. Let me refresh your memory, please? I placed a very nice page concerning you attached to my website. I included a well done photo and links to your current endeavors. I was rather rudely requested to remove that page. Which I did and replaced it with another. One that openly displayed my hurt and anger at not understanding a decision to cut me off and deny me a birthright...a sister! Also, when our grandmother died, I did NOT insist you should pay anyone or that there was any urgency involved. I advised that if you didn't want to contact us directly, you might want to employ the services of another. Entirely your decision. I even went so far as to provide partial phone number to jog what memory you might still have of how to contact your family.

I wish to relate to you exactly where my son's anger is derived from....that would be you. Can you honestly believe that contact could be removed and no one would be angry about that? Having done nothing, spending years trying to defend you and protect you only to be dismissed by you.

Each time there wasx contact between us, my hopes soared. My heart cried out for your approval long after our last conversation. "I wish you wouldn't call me anymore" was the last sentence I heard you utter. I simply said ok and hung up, what else could I do? I was devasted, I didn't understand, I tried for many years to come to terms with anything I might have done.

As Garion told you, I tried very hard to hate you, to NOT wish to hear from you, to accept that it was you that had issues from your own past that had nothing to do with me. I worshiped you when I knew you, I was imtimidated by the thought I might do something you disapproved of. Devestaed, take my word for it, is an understatement. I say this so that you might understand the pain my children saw me go through anytime you were discussed and the anger that results form seeing thier mother hurt for so long and so often.

I know, even now I can hear you in my head telling me to get over it. However, it was those times you attempted t make contact that simply made things worse for me. My hopes would raise, thinking that even if you spoke to no one else at least I could talk to you, tell you how wonderful and intelligent my kids were/are.

I had a friend find you and be a go between for us a few years ago..do you remember Ben? My real anger began when he relayed to me your feelings that we were white trash...not a way to build a relationship, I assume you agree?

Your inheritence is only $2,000. I can pay that without issue. You are the only sibling I have that even wants the money, lol. Everyone else is signing the house over to me. The only other issue involved in the settlement is Aunt Norma Jeanne's son, Guy. Since Norma Jeanne died shortly before Granny, he gets half of the $20,000 value of house and property, the 5 of us split the rest.

Oh and as for the expense of hiring an attorney, subtract it form the $500 you borrowed from me and only paid $300 back. :) If you had called directly and talked to Mom, it would have cost you nothing. Again, your choice created your issue, not I.

I would like to take the opportunity to tell you a bit about my children, all 4 of them.

Matt Jr has finally resolved any issues he had with his mother and father by discussing them with them each open and honestly. It took many years and alot of support but he is a productive, mentally and emotionally healthy young man. He has a wonderful fiance`, Ashley, that keeps a tight reign on him. He loves her dearly and they will be married on Dec 22 of this year. He gets his height from his mother, so he's about 5"8' but happy just like he is. He is normal in every respect with a firm aquisition of common sense.

Mark is in the Navy. He decided that the government wasn't trying to brain wash the world and took the military plunge. When he scored a 98 out of 100 on the ASVAB test, they were thrilled in his decision to join. He has a job he can't tell me all the details of...and I'm not asking. We were worried he might not get in since he is 6" 7'. We quickly found out that it wasn't an issue. With his scores they would have found a waiver for it if needed...somewhere.

Garion's I.Q. was actually higher than Mark's, scoring just above genius with a 147. He may be taking his time applying it, but it's obvious it's in there somewhere. He is a shift manager, the youngest they have ever had. He works hard and works smart, makes his life a bit easier. He is living at home at the moment. I'm sure you can relate to those times when you mishandle your money and need the support that home offers. You know he HAD to be here, cause I am NOT an easy mom to live with. Fair, but not easy.

Smart, sweet Leah. Everything I wished I had been, she is. She has always been very strong in her convictions and even prudish at times. She found the love of her life, got engaged, made an 86 on her own ASVAB and was 2 weeks away from AF bootcamp when she found out she was pregnant. We left the decision on what to do about it up to her. She is a strong young lady. We had already found out her fiance had serious anger issues, there is going to be no wedding, and adoption was not an option. So I am pleased as punch to be becoming a Grandma to my first grandson.

I know this is quite long, I have also kown tht you were visiting my website just for updates on your niece and nephews. That was the original reason I learned html in the first place. It's the reason I put up a page for mom AND why I left it there. At least you could come see it when you wanted.

It took me a long time to put up your page, to reach out with the nice letter I wrote for you. Your response to the nice one is what prompted the hurt response of the second one. I wasn't threatened by legal action, I had every right to display my personal experience. It is only slanderous if it is untrue... I am also not threatened by your comments to my son, he used foul language to be sure, but it wasn't public nor untrue. He has watched me struggle over you for years.

Your choice to cut yourself off from your family has caused pain to many and anger is the only emotion you can honestly expect. If you desired to reconnect you couldn't expect to NOT have to deal with those emotions in each of us. Open arms isn't a relative term, relatives need an apology at the very least, usually accompanied by some sort of explaination. You can expect for people to need time to heal the wounds you have caused. In all fairness, view things from another perspective.

BTW, Mom is in good health, though she is quite stooped. She can't walk for more than 15 mins at a time but no health issues. She sees very little anymore. Even her machines don't enlarge things enough for her to see whole images. Everytime the phone rings and no one answers, she thinks it's you. She calls your name into the reciever and sometimes says "I love" you just in case. Each time that happens, she calls me to see if I got a call too. You and I know I didn't get one.

Please forgive typing errors you may find. I wrote from my heart and didn't reread to correct. I know you were here 2 times yesterday and assumed you would be back. The choices you make from here are also your own and I require no feedback on my thoughts. The email currently listed has not been valid for sometime.

I look you up on the internet every so often, found some nice photos a few months ago and saved them to my comp. Even transferred them to a device and took to display them on mom's tv so she could see you. "At least we know she's still alive" she told me. Then cried for some time. This much hurt creates anger, a rightful anger. As much as it pains me to say it, you have allthe power here. Maybe we gave it to you by allowing ourselves to hurt over you, but there it is. I'm sure, in my searching, I will find anything you care to post to me concerning this...someday. Lisa
http://www.angelfire.com/tx/brookfam/
brooks@longview.net

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