Silly Things That Make You Go Hmmmmm....
How does skating on thin ice get you into hot water?
Why do they have signs at Burger King that say, "Picture menus available for those who need them"? If you can't read, how can you ask for a picture menu?
Why do 'tug' boats push their barges?
Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"
Why is phonics not spelled the way it sounds?
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUp?
Is it possible to have a civil war?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're sitting there, staring at carpeting?
If someone has a mid-life crises while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them, would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
Why is bra singular and panties plural?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
If a man overdoses on Viagra, how do they get the casket lid shut?
If a light-sleeper sleeps with a light on, what does a hard-sleeper sleep with?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
Who is General failure and why is he reading my disk?
The light went out, but where to?
Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
Do fish get cramps after eating?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?
Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?
Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?
Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
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Added: January 2, 1999.