Rules Of A Cat...
Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon
by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a
nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really
good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in
direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a
cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length
of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a
position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is
possible for the cat.
Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make his body long enough to reach just about any
counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good
and ready to stop.
Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's
desire for her to do something.
First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed
and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of
Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will
come along and take out something good to eat.
Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at
the speed of light.
Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most
comfortable spot in any given room.
Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the
earliest possible nanosecond.
Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to his
embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show
you he can.
Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to
the cost of the furniture.
Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible.
Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace his own volume, minus
the amount of milk consumed.
Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to
the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest
Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach
Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
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