Star Wars Fun Stuff

Jedi redneck Jokes
Action Figure wish List
Action figures i hope never come out
Star Wars vs. Star trek Top ten
How to keep a healthy level of Insanity
Scenes George Lucas left out of Episode 1

You Know your a Star wars Obsessive Compulsive...

If your best friends are nicknamed Chewie and Obi Wan One (Hey Nell and Bud!)

If you named your child Anakin

If you created words to the Star Wars Theme and the Imperial March

If when you go to Disney world, you would rather ride Star tours 20 times than ride the Tower of terror or Space Mountain once.

If you can quote all the words that Threepio and the pager person says in the line for that ride.

If when you see a buffalo you yell "Look a wild Bantha!"

If when your neighbors ask you to lunch you screw your face up and scream "I'll never join you"!!!

If for fun you sit on a bench in the mall, ask some one for change, and when they ask why, you have a friend yell "Because their holding a thermal detonater!"

If when you play street basketball, you call your team "The Rebellion" (I know you're reading this Jed. You too David)

You think that dogs are domestic Vornskrs that chase you only beacause you have the force with you

When your coach says "Try your hardest to win!" or something like that you say "Try not. Do or do not... there is no try."

If your locker is filled with Star Wars pictures that you drew, traced, and cut out.

If one of those pics is of you in Mandalorian armor or a Stormtrooper outfit.

If you decorated your desk to look like the cockpit of an X-wing

(For you Vancouverans) When you drive through Stanley Park you swear that you see Ewoks

If you see a horny toad or a gila monster in the desert you yell "It's a baby krayt dragon! Run! The Mother is coming!"

If when joining the Air Force you request to pilot an X-wing

If you break people's finger's when they do the Live long and Prosper sign

If you actually know the REAL words (sorry Derigo) to the Star Wars Cantina Song (In the Star wars, Star wears Cantina...)

If when cheering for someone on the basketball team named "Leah" you yell "Go Princess Leia!!!" (Sorry Drew and Jason... I couldn't resist)

If you say your Lava lamp is a rare type of lightsaber

If you use the force to "communicate" with your friends in class so you don't get in trouble for talking

If you put Bantha Milk on your grocery list.

If you try to use the force to convince your techer that your Taun Taun ate your homework.

If your room is decorated to look like the Milenium Falcon.

You don't "hack" into computer systems. You "slice" into them.

If you recreated the movie using action figures (hehehe)

If you lose a hand, when in the prosthetics office you request an electronic hand with a black glove just like Luke's

If you think they cloned Dolly the sheep by using Spaarti cylinders from the Emperors storehouse.

If you beat someone up for saying Boba Fett looked like a girl because of his braids (wookie scalps)

If you will not play poker... only sabaac.

If your football Jersey Says Skywalker on it with a rebel alliance insignia.

If you edited yourself into all three of the movies.

My Top Thirty Action figure Wish list (though not necessarily in the right order)

A three pack with Jacen, Jaina, and little Anakin.
Guri
Ysanne Isard
Dev Sibwarra w/ Elder St'k'ith
Gaerial Captison
Niles Ferrier with a cigar in his mouth
Melina Carniss and mara jade in slave clothes
Callista
Commander Silver Fyre
Talon Kardde
Admiral Daala
Kyp Durron
Exar Kun
Nomi Sunrider
Brea and Senni Tonnika
Nichos Marr
A Jet Vega, Dean Calan, Derigo, and Nell four pack (hey I can dream!)
BoShek
Teneniel Djo with Tenel Ka
Artoo Detoo with all the cool accesories...
Dash Renadar
Jan Ors
Queen Mother Ta'a Chume
Tigris
Winter
Commander Silver Fyre
Salla Zend
Zardra
Dannik Jerriko
Noghri
A Mara Jade pack with action fogures of her in all her outfits (minus that green thing)
Vima Sunrider
Aurra Sing all the way!!!
Handmaiden
Got an action figure you're hoping for? Tell me so I can add it!

Action figures that I hope never come out

Another Tauntaun with open stomach rescue feature

Yarna D'al Gargan

Mara Jade in that green dress piece of crap thing

Luke in the bacta tank

Talking threepio without an off switch

Life size Gorax

Lumpawarrup

A hoodless jawa

A moving hair Ho'din

Star Wars vs. Star Trek

10)The aliens in Star Wars don't all look like mutated humans
9)Those phasers look like toys. I could break one with my bare hands.
8)Even Threepio could have data seeing stars
7)Lets see the borg adapt to a lightsaber
6)A 900 year old green alien could kick Kirk and picards butts big time
5)The death star could wipe out the borg in 10 seconds
4)Chewbacca could permanently maim Worf
3)Star Wars is poetry in motion; Star Trek is Gibberish in neutral
2)StarFleet vs. Imperial Navy... you decide
1) there is no logic... Only the force

How to keep a healthy level of Insanity
Note: This has nothing to do with Star Wars; it's just funny. Special thanks to Nel/Obi-wan one for sending it to me!

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point your hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Insist that your e-mail address be: zena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com
4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing. 7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to expresso.
9. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
10. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
11. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
12. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
13. dontuseanypunctuationorspaces
14. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
15. Ask people what sex they are.
16. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
17. Sing along at the opera.
18. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
19. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
20. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them where you're going. For example: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.
21. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
22. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
23. Hum when you ride an elevator.

Episode 1: the scenes George left out

-Nute Gunray yelling “Whe’ es my Cantonese chicken?”
-Amidala yelling something loud or obsene when the Senators keep interupting her
-Anakin turning on the podracer while Jar Jar’s hand was still in the engine
-Amidala giving a hard smack to one of those little floating cameras in the Senate hall
-Someone lighting a match when that Eopie passes gas
-Amidala yelling at Padme for speaking out of turn
-Sebubla giving Jar Jar a nice cheap shot to the groin
-Padme yelling at Amidala for speaking out of turn
-Qui Gon smacking Obi wan for speaking out of turn
-Yoda smacking Qui Gon and Obi Wan for speaking out of turn
-The ET aliens giving Chancellor Valourum or Amidala the glowing middle finger
-The wookie senators going on a violent rampage and breaking those fingers
-Amidala yelling at Sio Bibble for whining.
-Jabba the Hutt getting mad and having the two headed announcer beheaded
-Aurra Sing getting into some real bounty hunter action
-Amidala yelling at Captain Panaka for always being so negative
-Anakin falling off the counter when he first sees Padme
-Amidala (Padme) getting into it with Qui Gon for trying to do things that the Queen does not approve
-Watto giving Anakin a swift swat on the behind for taking too long
-Amidala getting it on with Watto for not listening to Qui Gon
-Anakin using some sort of innuendo while flirting with Padme
-Padme giving him a good smack for doing it
-The flag bearers falling over like a stack of dominoes
-Amidala getting into it with Sebulba for messing with Anakin
-Sebulba bursting out in tears after losing the Boonta Eve podrace
-Amidala marching out onto the track and getting it on with the Tusken Raiders for shooting at Anakin
-The tusken raiders begin whining about breaking nails and burning their fingers on the guns
-Amidala getting into it with Anakin for whining about space being cold
-Darth Sidious smacking Darth Maul just for the sakes of it
-Amidala yelling at Padme for flirting with an underage boy
-Anakin forgetting to turn on the artificial oxygen in the fighter
-Amidala having Jar Jar executed
-Qui Gon using the “I am your father” line on Obi Wan
-Amidala getting into it with Darth Maul (and winning!)
-Having the giant fish smash headfirst into the rock wall
-Amidala giving Anakin a big smooch on the lips
-Anakin fainting after the previous
-The Jedi Councel members getting into a game of poker while Mace windu, Yoda, and Ki Adi Mundi bother with Anakin.
-Amidala getting into it with Boss Nass
-Darth Maul cutting his own leg off accidentally with the double edged lightsaber
-Qui Gon breaking out with his lightsaber and cutting off Jar Jar’s tongue after grabbing it in Anakin’s house
-Amidala getting into it with Nute Gunray and Rune Hakko (oh wait a sec, that really happened!)

More Jokes Coming Soon!!!!!
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Email: jet_vega@death-star.com