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- 563.Your dad has been married so many times that U-haul gives him Christmas cards.
- 565.If your girlfriends idea of safe sex is to lock the car door.
- 566.If you prefer to kill what you eat rather than buying what you eat.
- 567.Your home grown vegetables are grown on your kitchen window sill.
- 568.Everyday at your house is a family reunion.
- 569.You've ever tied a leash on a grasshopper.
- 570.You have ever been accused of lying through your tooth
- 571.You stare hard at a can of orange juice because it says concentrate.
- 572.You swerve to hit a deer,squirrel, pigeon or other small animal, with the exception of dogs and cats.
- 573.You can play the star spangled banner on your beer gut.
- 574.Your definition of hard drive is a pickup truck with no seat cushions on a bumpy road.
- 575.Your momma and your dog bathe together.
- 576.Your family motto is "if it ain't broke, it ain't ours"
- 577.When someone mentions a sleeping bag you think of your wife.
- 578.You use a tire for a sled.
- 579.You use a Coleman lantern as your only source of heat.
- 580.If your house and your barn are the same building.
- 581.Your neighbors swing is a better tire than you have on your truck.
- 582.Your dad walks you to school because you are in the same grade.
- 583.You are the state cow tipping champ.
- 584.Your family vehicle bears the name John Deere.
- 585.The neighborhood tire relay winner is the fastest one to change all the tires on his house.
- 586.You have a horse and he eats the same foods you do.
- 587.Someone asks you the time and you say "January".
- 588.You have to drive past more than three junk cars and a gutted deer to get your mail.
- 589.You think straight D's is the honor roll.
- 590.You apply for a home improvement loan to buy a new topper for your pickup truck.
- 591.You live in a $24,500 trailer and have a $2,425,000 bass boat.
- 592.You've ever worn your feed hat to a wedding.
- 593.If the contents of your fishing tackle box is worth more than your house.
- 594Your driving school consisted of Dukes of Hazzard re-runs and a demolition derby.
- 595.If you've got a green neck from wearing your fine jewelry.
- 596.Your clothes are older than you are.
- 597.You would give up your house instead of your boat.
- 598.You have the remote control duct-taped to the recliner so ya don't lose it
- 599.You use more duct tape than common sense.
- 600.While raking leaves you fall out of the tree.
- 601.The word NASCAR appeared anywhere in your wedding vows.
- 602.You have to take your house to the body shop after a hailstorm.
- 603.If your vehicle has a nickname that ends with "Lou".
- 604.You told your wife to move over in bed so the dog can have more room.
- 605.Truck drivers tell your momma to watch her language.
- 606.You think, "Gentlemen, Start Your Engines" is part of the National Anthem.
- 607.When asked your tooth color on a application, you state "Not Applicable".
- 608.Ya go fishin off of a railroad trestlte.
- 609.In the Summertime, ya jump off of a railroad trestle into the lake below to cool off, and ya got a buddy holdin a shotgun gunnin snakes down.
- 610.Hitting an animal with your truck means getting a new coat.
- 611.You win the lottery and buy a NEW doublewide to live in.
- 612.Your house pets include any form of livestock.
- 613.You go ice fishing and you bring back 200 pounds of ice.
- 614.Calling your closest neighbor on the phone is long distance.
- 615.Your house has taillights but your car doesn't.
- 616.Your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.
- 617.Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.
- 618.Your dad says, "Let's hit the road for dinner," and then grabs a shovel.
- 619.You brush your tooth less than you comb your eyebrow.
- 620.You consider muskrat a gourmet food.
- 621.Your dad and your tires are both bald.
- 622.Your tractor hat and coat are the same color.
- 623.If you have to mow your driveway.
- 624.If your backyard looks like a junkyard.
- 625.You think tractor pulling should be the national sport.
- 626.If every scar you have, has a wild story behind it.
- 627.You ask for all your teeth for Christmas.
- 628.Everyone you know has more than one first name.
- 629.You ever walked two miles from your house to go to the bathroom.
- 630.You're related to everyone at the high school reunion.
- 631.Your yard is cleaner after a tornado than before.
- 632.Your family tree forms a wreath.
- 633.You go to a class reunion and all five of you are related.
- 634.Your family tree doesn't branch.
- 635.If monster truck races are better than sex.
- 636.Your garage looks better than your house.
- 637.Your weddin ring came outta the prize packet in a Cracker Jacks box.
- 638.You use Armor-All on your leather jacket.
- 639.Your house is on wheels and your car isn't.
- 640.Your wallet and your dog are both on a chain.
- 641.Your dog weighs more than you do.
- 642.You know all the stock car driver's numbers by heart.
- 643.After 20 years of marriage you find out your wife is your cousin.
- 644.You take notes while watching The Three Stooges.
- 645.Your new car is a John Deere.
- 646.Your truck is higher than your house.
- 647.You were born on a pool table.
- 648.You've been married 3 times and still have the same in-laws.
- 649.You ever held a family reunion in jail.
- 650.You prefer calling your sister Hun.
- 651.If the garbage men don't know what to take or what to leave.
- 652.Your spare tire is a cement block.
- 653.Your kid's first words were paper or plastic.
- 654.All your new appliances are your neighbors old ones.
- 655.There are more than four cats living in your garage.
- 656.You put your empties through the cylinder holes in your coffee table.
- 657.You put your pocketknife and key ring on opposite sides of your belt to balance yourself.
- 658.You use peeling boiled eggs (wehen making deviled eggs) as an excuse to blow ass!
- 659.You've never slept with your boots off.
- 660.Your definition of "Squatters Rights" is this" Whover craps first in that spot claims the land for himself, or if youre a Lady, then whoever tinkles first!
- 661.Your definition of homestead is the first trailer that was parked on your family lot.
- 662.Your wife sends you out for formula and you come home with a jug of moonshine.
- 663.You are still making payments to the body shop for your last home improvement.
- 664.You try to kill a bird by throwing it off a cliff.
- 665.You own a pair of cut-offs made from double-knit pants.
- 666.You think the ultimate beauty treatment is using Preparation-H to prevent wrinkles.
- 667.You've never seen a film with subtitles.
- 668.Your yard has more than 10 ceramic figurines.
- 669.Your best sofa came out of a Chevrolet.
- 670.Your primary income involves pigs or manure.
- 671.You've ever been too drunk to milk a cow.
- 672.You have more electronic equipment in your truck than in your house.
- 673.You ever lived in a dumpy apartment complex where "White folk" are few & far between, and ya open up the WHOLE house and blast classic country music to get back at the neighbors for rattling your floor with their rap-crap "music!" The cop that comes out is also a redneck if he laughs at ya, and lets you go with just a "warning," and says that theres not a DAMN thing wrong with Hank Willaims (Jr. or Sr. or Tricefus), or David Allan Coe!
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