Getting Rid of "Q"
(The crew are at Quark's bar discussing what to do about Q who is visiting the station)
Sisko : I think we should try that hand to hand combat thing I did last time he was here.
Kira : Just because it worked last time doesn't mean it will work this time Captain.
Odo : I would have to agree with the major Sisko
Quark : We know you do Odo ....(raises his eybrows)
Kira : (rolls her eyes)
Dax : We're not even sure Q is a threat yet Ben
Worf: (nods)
O'brien : He's always a threat
(Suddenly Q shows up in the bar)
Q : I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. You're trying to get rid of me. Well, I ain't gon'na leave.
Odo : it's am not! Say it, am-not
Q : (rolls eyes) Am-not. I am not gon'na leave
Odo : Going-to. I am not going to leave...say it going to...
Q : Going to
Odo : Going to what?
( Q slaps Odo in the back of the head)
Odo: Ouch! Why did you do that?
Q : Mou-squi-to!
Sisko : Q! don't hit our Security chief.
Q : Why not?
Worf : Yes, why not?!? (abruptly standing up and lunging towards Odo)
( Odo flinches)
Dax: Worf!
Q: (grabs Odo. Odo falls to the ground unconscious) There you will remain solid for the rest of the show.
Kira :(rushes to Odo's side) Why Q?
Q : Because the producers couldn't afford my graphics and Odo's it would destroy the budget. Also the writers had to think of a reason to make him solid so they chose me
Sisko : That is so lame
Q : I know
Odo : (getting up) Oh no I'm human.....again! And....my pants are....wet
Kira: (backs away from him)
Dax : Fortunate that you had clothes this time Odo
Q : Well we don't need to see Odo naked.....again
( whole crew shivers including Odo)
Bashir : I'll get you a change of clothes Odo. Since I haven't had a line for an entire page
Sisko: You do that Docter....Anyway there still reamains the task at hand.
Q : Oh yes, getting rid of me...
Sisko : Well the title is "Getting Rid of Q"
Kira : Yes and the sooner the better.
Quark : Any ideas Morn?
Morn :
Dax : ok then...
Worf : We could fight an honorable battle. It is a good day to die!
Q : Dax, could you please tell Mr. Personality here to Shutup!
Kira : (involuntarily giggles)
(Bashir steps in)
Bashir : Odo please come here
( Odo walks over to Bashir)
( Crew turns around)
Odo : If you please!
Q: what? And miss the show??
( odo goes to the next room and Bashir darns himself for his miserable luck)
Kira: We could ignore Q maybe he'll go away
O'brien : That's the first nonviolent thing you've ever thought up to solve a problem Kira
Kira : That's because I'm saving all the good ones for you!!!
O'Brien : (winces)
Odo :Well I'm back!
Bashir : Me too...not like you care
Kira : Welcome back Constable! (Pulls out a chair)
Odo : (Sits down missing chair) Oops...Heh heh!
Kira : Try again Constable
Odo : (sits down again this time he doesn't miss)
Bashir : Are we forgetting someone? How about a chair for me?
Sisko : Kira I don't think ignoring Q will make him go away
Odo : We could wait him out
Bashir : Hello!!! I need a seat!!!
Kira : that would take to long
Sisko : not to mention destroy the plot
Bashir : Isn't any one listening to me!!! I need a seat!!
Q : That would be boring
Bashir : Come on you're my friends !! listen to me!
Q : Bashir Shutup!
Bashir : But?
Odo : You can sit by me!
Bashir : um...no (mutters ) like I'm going to sit next to Betsy Wetsy
Q : You need help Bashir I mean you know you're in trouble if the only person offering you a seat is Odo
Bashir : I don't need help I'm not as pathetic as Odo either!!
Q : You could have a counselor...like Troi!
Bashir : I don't need counseling!! Odo does!
Odo : What??? Can I say somthing???
Q and Bashir : Shutup!
Bashir : Besides when has Deana ever said something that wasn't blindingly obvious?
Q : um bashir?
Bashir : No wait let me finish. And she -bark! Bark! Woof woof!
(Deana Troi is standing a few feet away greatly amused)
Q : You forgot she was visiting the station
Deana : I guess you're right Bashir. You acting like a dog is a blindingly obvious thing.
Bashir : Woof! (Bites Deana realizing she did this)
Q : (laughs) AHAHAHA!
Deana : (turns him back to his regular old self)
Bashir : Actually I kind of liked being a dog!
Deana: you would
Q: (Still laughing) This is great I may never leave
Sisko : Oh no. That would make this a two part episode
(Crew moans)
O'Brien : Wait! I've got a great idea! And it's so exciting you'll wet your pants
Odo : Too late!
Kira : ugh! Remind me why you're my boyfriend again?
Odo : Sorry... I'm not used to being human. Besides its not my fault we don't even have a bathroom on this show
Bashir: Yeah what do we do in the future?
( Everyone looks around shrugging their shoulders)
O'Brien : Anyway, To carry out my plan we must go to ops
Sisko: Then,to the turbo lift!
Dax: yes, to the turbo lift!
Bashir : To the turbo lift!
Odo : to the turbo lift!
Worf : the turbolift
Dax : the turbolift!
Morn :
Quark :Wait I'm coming too!
(Crew now on turbolift)
Bashir: I hope this plan works
Kira : Oh gosh! What is that smell?
Dax : ugh, Worf, That better not be you
Worf : Its not!
O'Brien : Smells like a malfunctioning garbage receptical
Odo : I regret my new sense of smell
Quark : smells like a three day old slug!
(Everyone looks at Morn )
Quark : Morn??
Morn : (shakes his head)
(Turbo lift opens and all step out )
Odo : (Turning in confession ) It was me!! Im sorry!
(Whole crew passes out)
(Q suddenly shows up)
Q : well Odo Looks like--- A-A-A-A! Noooooo! -(Q passes out)
(Crew slowly comes to)
Bashir : sheesh
(they all get up holding their noses)
Odo : Sorry again (farts)
Sisko : Doctor do something ..Quick!
Bashri : Here Odo have some Pecid A-C
Odo : Thankyou Doctor
Bashir : No problem and look Q is still out cold!
Kira : Wow Odo you're leathel
O'Brien : Yes but that can't last very long we still need my plan
Odo : You're just jealous
O'Brien : No.....trust me
Sisko : Well ok O'brien! Tell us your plan
O'Brien : (looks at his watch ) 4....3....2...1 There we're out of time now we have till Next showing to end the episode
Sisko : that was your plan!?!
O'Brien : well now we can think!
Odo : Geez! My farting is better than that!
TO BE CONTINUED.......
