The Great Day Hath Cometh..
I get to go back to work today. After more than 7 weeks, I have to go back to work. Somebody shoot me. I have come to love the bum nature of life. I have started watching Spongebob and Fairly Odd Parents. If I didn't have this time off, I would have never discovered them or given the time of day. Truly amusing.

Before I go to work, I will (hopefully) be having my broken tooth pulled. This thing hurts like a mother fucker!! I actually would have had a decent night's sleep last night, if Sampson would have quit puking every 2 hours. I didn't even have any tooth pain. If I did, I must have slept through it. Didn't matter. Stupid Sampson.

Stupid...
I called into work today (I'm still not back yet) and my co-worker informed me that my territory Director and VP were in the store yesterday. Now, these individuals have visited me on numerous occasions and have seen that I have a betta tank in my lab. They have commented and I have even asked if it was ok to have and was responded to with, "It's fine. It's not too big." Now, they are telling me that Fred needs to leave. It's a 2 gallon, octagonal tank that sits on top of a small file cabinet. He takes up no room. He is a relaxing tool in our crazy world. Constantly on the go, having to be super detail-oriented 100% of the time or people can't see. Fred has been there for 3 YEARS. Just stupid. But I'll bring him home. He'll live out his days here. They don't deserve his company anyways...

So bored I'm about to die...
I sit here realizing that I intended to go to sleep a few hours ago. Since I have been off work, I have become quite the insomniac. It's nothing for me to stay up until 4 in the morning these days. I am usually one of these people that are in bed by 11 and get a full 8 hours sleep. Now I get around 5. I have to get back into the swing of things before I go back to work.

Which brings me to another topic. This week marks the 6th week I have been out. I find out today that I am going to be out another extra week due to an infection. The nurse missed 3 stitches and now they got infected. When the doctor was DIGGING them out today, I wanted to cry. Now, I am not a cry-baby when it comes to pain, but this shit HURT LIKE A MOTHER FUCKER!!! It felt like he used the scissors to cut my boob right open and it sucked. So, now I am on antibiotics for the next 5 days and that meant that I had to spend more money that I don't have. Great. I am glad that I can't go back to work, because I am getting paid 100%, and I have offcially used up ALL of my vacation time until April of next year. So I'm really in no big hurry. I'm just missing out on my bonus (which I depend on greatly). But I'm really enjoying the time off. I needed it.

I have been with my company for almost 7 years. That's a damn good track record, especially for me considering that I couldn't/wouldn't hold a job longer than a few months before. I come to realize over the last year how crappy coporations are. In the mix of having so many employees, the people in charge lose their ability to be personable. People who do a good job and work hard sometimes tend to be looked over because all the company sees is numbers. Then you have the scenario where a position comes open and they fill it with the first warm body they can get their hands on. It doesn't matter too much about the background of the individual filling the position. Numbers, numbers...Who cares about the person's ability to be a human being. I guess buisinesses don't need humans with feelings and opinions...maybe robots would be better for the work force.

blah blah blah
I am tight in the cash department and I sit here and look around my house to find stuff to sell on Ebay or something. I am forever procrastinating my intended yard sale. I just basically need to get off my ass. As I look, I realize how much money I have spent on absolute CRAP, and how 95% of this crap has no monetary value. I mean, some things are (i) priceless (/I) to me, but most people wouldn't give to shits to my stuff.

I am an eclectic weirdo. I have sooooo....many books. Most of the stuff I read, unfortunately, not a lot of people will give it the time of day. It's funny how people will put a price on somethings. My Poppy Z. Brite books are some of my most prized posessions. Most of them are signed and some of them personally. It's not like I'm some freak that worships her or anything. I just can recognize talent in another human being and well, I just have to have a favorite.

Which send me spinning into another tizzy....

Poppy Z. Brite...is a wonderful person that takes the time out her busy-as-all-hell day to drop a fan a post card. (The Doc really does those things). I know that she has been to my website and I was personally embarassed to know that she probably went on the page that I made for her and saw what a lame-ass job I did. Matter of fact, this inspires an update. Keep ya posted.

Oh woe is me...
I have to be the most depressed person in the world right now. Everything is falling down around me. My job, my house, my life....I know that I am not the first nor the last person to feel this way on the planet, but I feel like this is my time. For those of you that know me, I am usually an easy-going person and pretty laid back. These days I feel like a junkie with the exception of no drugs. I feel strung out and bored out of my mind. I'm trying to find myself, and what I'm finding, I don't like. I need a cigarette, but I've stopped smoking. I have lost 5lbs. in the last 2 days from the lack of desire I have for food or drink. WHOO HOO! Life just hurts right now and I'm trying to fight my way through the pain. I just keep telling myself a quote that one of my now long, lost friends told me when I was almost in this bad of shape before, "Everything works out. Maybe not always the way you want it to, but it'll work out."

On the flip side, I started pulling scabs off my boobs (sounds gross, I know), and I am looking really good in that department. I am finding that my youthful skin is really pulling through for me. That's one plus......I don't really hurt anymore unless I stretch further than I should. Just pulls a little enough to go "OW!".

I wanted to mow my grass. I went out there and tried to crank the son-of-a-bitch up and NOTHING. I was looking for something to do and fuck me my lawnmower doesn't work. I used all my over-priced gas (thanks BUSH) to put in the riding lawnmower, so I can't use the push mower to mow my acre. I shouldn't even be pushing anything anyways...So ho-hum...I guess I'm gonna go and watch the rest of Gone With the Wind..seems to parallel my life pretty well...I'm somewhat "Scarlett-like", lost house, war, lost love...what's next? Frankly, I don't give a damn....

I leave with this quote from Tori Amos.. "I found the secret to life..I'm ok when everything is not ok."

for those who care...
I had my boob surgery as planned on 4-30. It went really well and I am pretty satisfied with the results. They took off a total of 3 lbs. and the difference is definitely noticable. I am now happily a 36C. I am having to learn how to stand and sit differently. My center of balance has changed. But I am healing nicely and doing quite well. I got my stitches out yesterday and I started giving myslef the Vitamin E rub down. Felt pretty good..

Now if I can just get back to work...

I have been off for 2 weeks and I will be using my last week of vacation until NEXT APRIL. Even though I'm ready to go back to work, my job will not let me return until 100% healed. The only thing that is keeping me from going back is that I can't/shouldn't lift anything over 10lbs. Funny thing, I went to the grocery store today and carried all the heavy-ass groceries in by myself. My job apparently doesn't have "light duty" in it's vocabulary. FUCK IT.

To My Site

F BUSH AND F THE FCC
My thoughts on a few things.....

~President Bush

This man is a damn fool. He doesn't understand what his job is. Or I should say that he doesn't understand his job description? First, he didn't even WIN his election. Second, he received information ahead of time prior to 9-11. THAT'S FUCKED UP!! Third, he has gotten several of our own men and several civilians killed because he is a greedy fuck. His is nothing more than "Texas Oil Money" and so are is friends. Because he and his friends have money, he can go to war, kill a bunch of people, drive the gas prices up OUR fucking asses, and then go as far as getting his buddies to buy out our radio channels. FUCK THE FCC.

Bush is running this country with his own religous beliefs. He should not be mixing church and state. But as we all know, this has been going on since the beginning of time with any country in the world. Not everyone in this country is a Christian. But we're all humans and are supposed to have rights in this country. Our country is in such a hole right now. We haven't this many men die since Vietnam. It's really costing us in the long run. I will help vote Bush out of office. Please let someone clean up the chaos.....

~FCC

This panel of people who are telling you what you can/can't listen to, watch, and pretty soon EVERYTHING will be censored. We are all adults here. We can handle it. If we don't like or approve of something we can ignore it, turn the channel, or something. But yet, we have a panel of people who are judging things from their own personal beliefs and tellings us what we can see and listen to. They fail to recognize the art of anything that doesn't have perfect morals. Well, none of us are perfect so who are they to judge? How controling. I was watching TV and saw a commercial for a TV station that advertised being "FCC Compliant", "Family Oriented", and a few other goody-goody things, and it made me want to puke. Here's my interpretation. It sounds like your TV will be the babysitter tonight while you do somethings else, so it's safe to leave it on this channel. Aww, you're such a good parent. You care about what you're kids are doing while you don't have the time to pay attention to your little responsibilties. If you don't like what you see/hear, by god, change the channel. It's that easy. Don't sit there and listen and secretly get you're rocks off, then call and complain about what you just CHOSE to listen to. It's no one's rights to take away our freedom of speech (1st amendment ). Just remember, kharma's a bitch. Bush won't be there for forever..

For the people who are complaining about "the children"...Man, be a good parent and actually pay attention to your kid instead of LETTING he/she watch things that may not be appropriate for kids. You know what shows they are. Go teach your kid something, or read a bedtime story. They shouldn't be up that late when stuff comes on. Don't let them listen to Howard Stern if you don't approve of it. Be responsible. Don't go kicking people off the air.


People such as Howard Stern, have shown us how to be open-minded about all walks of life. I will admit that I was first offended by him at first. But some of his people that he has on his show would never be where they are today without him. Crack-Head Bob: White guy,had good job, wife, kids, good life. He did so much crack that he lost ALL of that. He is mentally and physically impaired. Howard would bring him on as a guest and do what I thought was teasing. But then I realized that it was just to show what crack can do to a person. Beetlejuice: Dwarf, physically disfigured, black dude. People would be so cruel to him if Howard hadn't brought him on. Instead, Beetlejuice is recognized as a local celebrity. He gets gigs. He gets noticed in a more positive way. Howard helps people. He's a good guy, really.

Here is a link to a petition to STOP THE FCC. Please take the time to go and sign it if you agree with anything I have said.
STOP THE FCC AND PROTECT YOUR FREEDOM OF SPEECH


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