I have to be the most depressed person in the world right now. Everything is falling down around me. My job, my house, my life....I know that I am not the first nor the last person to feel this way on the planet, but I feel like this is my time. For those of you that know me, I am usually an easy-going person and pretty laid back. These days I feel like a junkie with the exception of no drugs. I feel strung out and bored out of my mind. I'm trying to find myself, and what I'm finding, I don't like. I need a cigarette, but I've stopped smoking. I have lost 5lbs. in the last 2 days from the lack of desire I have for food or drink. WHOO HOO! Life just hurts right now and I'm trying to fight my way through the pain. I just keep telling myself a quote that one of my now long, lost friends told me when I was almost in this bad of shape before, "Everything works out. Maybe not always the way you want it to, but it'll work out."
On the flip side, I started pulling scabs off my boobs (sounds gross, I know), and I am looking really good in that department. I am finding that my youthful skin is really pulling through for me. That's one plus......I don't really hurt anymore unless I stretch further than I should. Just pulls a little enough to go "OW!".
I wanted to mow my grass. I went out there and tried to crank the son-of-a-bitch up and NOTHING. I was looking for something to do and fuck me my lawnmower doesn't work. I used all my over-priced gas (thanks BUSH) to put in the riding lawnmower, so I can't use the push mower to mow my acre. I shouldn't even be pushing anything anyways...So ho-hum...I guess I'm gonna go and watch the rest of Gone With the Wind..seems to parallel my life pretty well...I'm somewhat "Scarlett-like", lost house, war, lost love...what's next? Frankly, I don't give a damn....
I leave with this quote from Tori Amos.. "I found the secret to life..I'm ok when everything is not ok."