Regrets Chapter 14

Gabrielle was already awake, and had gone down to the creek that ran through the woods. Xena easily followed her trail, and caught up with her there. She spotted Gabrielle's clothes hanging from a tree branch. They had agreed with Jamen on the first day that displayed clothes would be the equivalent of a "Do Not Disturb" sign.

Gabrielle had just disappeared under the water as Xena approached, reemerging a few seconds later. Blinking water from her eyes, she didn't seem surprised to see Xena standing there.

"Good morning, Xena," she called brightly.

"Good morning…you want some company?"

"Sure!"

Gabrielle swam close to the edge of the creek, and picked up the soap and washcloth she had left there. She and Xena often bathed together, and they were used to the appearance of each other's naked bodies. For a long time, Gabrielle had felt inferior to the statuesque, near perfect proportions of the warrior princess's physique.

Xena had made many an effort to convince Gabrielle otherwise, even going as far as to point out each and every scar on her own body that she had accumulated over time. Her deep tan served to conceal many of them, but some of the more severe scars showed up as a brilliant white against her flesh. Gabrielle saw the scars, and was fascinated by the stories Xena related to her as she told her young friend how she had earned them. But it wasn't Xena's complexion that made Gabrielle feel uncomfortable with her body. It was the brunette's imposing height, her incredible muscle tone, her rounded curves which despite appearing feminine, also housed incredible power and dexterity.

Xena understood her young partner's insecurities, and had been very cautious not to say anything that would make matters worse. Over time, Gabrielle had taken up the staff, and had diligently practiced with it, sharpening her fighting skills, while at the same time, tightening and firming her body, which in truth, was in terrific shape to begin with. Eventually, Gabrielle had become quite comfortable with her own body, and stopped drawing comparisons between herself and Xena. Her height and body type made the bard more compact and petite than Xena, and Gabrielle's body housed its own share of curves and firm muscles.

Gabrielle side stroked her way to the center of the creek, and then turned to look back at Xena. Even from that distance, she noticed Xena's body had some subtle differences this morning.

Xena didn't notice Gabrielle's gaze for a moment or so, but when she realized the blonde was staring, she glanced down at herself to see what held Gabrielle's attention.

The signs of her recent lovemaking with Jamen were unmistakable. Her breasts were swollen from Jamen's kisses and caresses, the nipples darker and larger than usual. There were streaks of dirt on her upper thighs and stomach, from Jamen's taking her from behind, only after readying her with his mouth. And the red marks on either side of her ribcage were there, as Jamen had dug his fingers into her as he grunted out his final climax.

For long seconds, Xena didn't move, wondering how Gabrielle might react to the evidence before her. She wasn't ashamed of the way she looked; but didn't want Gabrielle to be uncomfortable either.

Realization slowly sunk in to Gabrielle, and she felt her cheeks grow a little warm, but only briefly. "Are you coming in or not?" she asked Xena, letting her know all was well.

Xena didn't hesitate, but dove into the chilly weather, and swam to her friend. She wondered if she should offer some kind of explanation, but Gabrielle was soaping up her arms, seemingly not bothered by Xena's disheveled appearance. "I slept like a stone," Gabrielle said. "I'm sure we'll get a lot of ground covered today."

Xena's smile held an ounce of relief, whether or not she was trying to conceal it. "Sounds good to me," she said, before taking the offered soap.

Gabrielle's prediction was more correct than anyone could have guessed. They encountered two villages that had been attacked by men wearing uniforms that could only be part of Barclan's army. One of them had been almost totally decimated, and the travelers' hearts immediately went out to the suffering survivors.

The few remaining people staggered along, a blank horrified look on their faces. Many of them were injured, and Xena went to work with her healing skills immediately. The injuries varied from broken bones to sword piercings to whippings and beatings.

Xena had seen the same vacant expression on people's faces before…many times she and her army had a terrorized a village similar to this one, with the same results. But she had been able to bring about the victims in a different manner. Here threats alone caused most villages to surrender quickly. If one didn't give in immediately, she and her men would defeat the strongest in the village, and that effectively served as a warning toward any more insurrection. It usually was enough to sedate the next two or three villages as well.

Jamen had taken on the gruesome task of disposing of the dead. Gabrielle alternated between helping him and Xena. It was sobering work, and there wasn't much talk among anyone.

The sun had just disappeared as Jamen lit the huge pyre piled high with the bodies of the slaughtered innocent. A few had taken the bodies of their loved ones for a private ceremony, but most took part in a community service.

Gabrielle found Xena in the makeshift healer's tent, stitching up a wide cut across the shoulder of an old woman. She glanced up when Gabrielle entered, then bent back to her work.

"Will you come?" Gabrielle asked.

"Where?" Xena asked, putting a bandage on the wound.

"Will you come sing the dirge?"

Xena stood slowly, surveying the patients resting around her. There were eight of them, either too injured to be out of her sight, or without anyone to take care of them. Xena stretched her protesting back; grateful once again that she had restocked her medicinal herbs only this morning.

Gods, had it really been that morning when she had gotten up early to hunt quail spent an hour making love with Jamen, then taking a leisurely swim with Gabrielle? It seemed like weeks ago!

"Xena?" Gabrielle still hadn't gotten a response from her.

"I'll be there in a minute," Xena replied, before moving to check over the worst of the patients.

Out of a village of sixty-three, there were thirty-six left. Xena walked slowly toward the pyre, her heart aching from the grief on the peoples' faces. She stood between Jamen and Gabrielle. Both were filthy and had light streaks down their faces where tears had washed away some of the dirt.

The few remaining men of the village held their torches to the pyre, and it whooshed up in flames. Xena took a deep breath, and began singing the haunting words of the ancient burial song she was called upon to sing far too often.

Jamen turned to watch Xena as she sang. Besides her multitude of other singing skills, she had the voice of a siren. Xena kept her eyes on the flames, her voice steady until she caught sight of a man holding a little girl in his arms. The girl was sobbing quietly into her father's neck. Her mother, baby brother, and twin sister were all among the dead. Xena's voice wavered on the last few notes, but she got through the song somehow. There was silence then, as the grieving continued.

After a couple of moments, Xena felt Jamen's arm slide around her slumped shoulders. She glanced up at him, giving him the tiniest of smiles to let him know she was all right. She gestured to Gabrielle, then slid her own arm around the blonde's shoulders as they quietly left the village to its mourning.

When they were out of earshot, Jamen released Xena and turned to face her and Gabrielle. "I'll get us a quick campfire going," he said, "so you two can get cleaned up."

Xena shook her head. "I'm going to stay in the healing tent," she said. "Some of the patients are too critical to be left alone."

Jamen immediately started protesting. "You've got to get some sleep!" he began.

Gabrielle didn't bother entering the argument. She knew from experience how it would turn out. "Don't worry about me," Xena was telling Jamen gently. "You and Gabrielle spent the day working hard. I spent the day healing which is hard on the mind, but easy on the body."

"Then you need to rest your mind too," Jamen countered, trying not to sound as if he was pleading.

Xena was shaking her head. "I will," she answered. "But if I sleep now, I'll have nightmares." It was the truth and Jamen could see it in her eyes.

He sighed deeply. "If you get tired," he replied…

"Don't worry," Xena replied, cutting him off. "If I get tired, I'll call for you."

Jamen nodded slowly in agreement. Xena still had a supporting arm around Gabrielle, and she gave the bard a gentle squeeze. "Get some rest," she told her friend. "In the morning, I'll probably have you relieve me for a while."

"All right," Gabrielle replied, slowly nodding her head. She was physically and mentally exhausted.

Jamen held his hand out to the bard. "Come on, Gabrielle," he said to her, as she took his hand. "Let's find somewhere to rest our heads."

Xena sat up with her patients all night, trying to will her brain to rest as she had promised Jamen, but finding that very difficult. She had witnessed cold, brutal acts in her days. She had been responsibly for many of them herself. But she could not figure out what would drive a man to command the complete razing of a village, which had not tried to fight back, and; in fact, had offered everything it had in an effort to protect the lives of its people. She and Jamen had talked over the fact that Barclan hated weakness, and it was possible that's what he sensed coming from the villagers. In truth, the people were peaceful, not weak, and they had ended up fighting to survive when they realized Barclan was ruthless. The fact that they had fought back was probably the only reason any of them had survived.

Someone groaned, and Xena was at a particular bedside in seconds. It was the bed of Atamas, a seven-year-old boy who would be growing up as orphan. He had been trampled under the hooves of several horses, and had many, many broken bones, but still managed to smile at Xena when she talked to him.

When Xena approached him now, however, there was only pain and tears in his big brown eyes. "Where are you hurting, Atamas?" Xena asked, gently stroking the boy's sweaty brow.

His bottom lip quivered as he answered, "All over."

It was a wonder he could maintain consciousness at all. "I'll be right back," Xena whispered, and she went to the table in the center of the room. She took a leaf of the dankan root, and using a mortar and pestle, quickly liquefied it. She then mixed it in a cup along with some honey and water. She just couldn't bring herself to make Atamas choke down the bitter mixture without some help.

"Here you go," she said, carefully holding Atamas's head so he could swallow the solution down.

"Thank you, Xena," the brave little man responded. He hesitated, then said," Would you stay with me until I fall back asleep?"

"Sure," Xena replied, sitting on the cot beside him. Atamas was a little charmer, despite the pan he was in and the desperation of his situation. Xena didn't know if he understood his family was dead, but she knew in the course of a single day, his whole life had been drastically changed forever.

Long minutes passed, but Atamas couldn't fall back asleep. Xena stroked his forehead, and began to hum softly. Atamas brightened visibly.

"I like that song," he told Xena.

Xena nodded with a sweet understanding smile, and began to sing the lullaby in low, hushed tones. Her voice soothed the wrinkles of pain from Atamas's brow, and he was soon asleep again. Xena continued to watch over him, the warmth and tenderness of the moment affecting her deeply.

Gabrielle couldn't believe she had awakened on her own, before Xena had called for her the next morning. She took care of nature's call, then walked her way to the healing tent.

She was surprised to see Jamen standing at the entrance, peering inside. He held a finger up to his lips when he heard Gabrielle approach. Reflexes from being with Xena had taught Gabrielle to immediately obey hand gestures, so she approached stealthily.

Jamen pulled one of the tent flaps open a little more, so Gabrielle could see what had his attention. She noticed it immediately.

"It doesn't look like she's having nightmares," Jamen whispered gently to Gabrielle. His eyes and heart had flooded when he saw Xena had fallen asleep beside Atamas, her head on his pillow beside his. The boy had two broken legs and a broken arm, but still had managed to nestle into the crook of her shoulder, his good arm around her neck.

"She is a softy around kids," Gabrielle told him.

Jamen nodded thoughtfully, and then a distant noise captured his attention. He let the tent flap drop, and said in a lowered voice to Gabrielle, "There are several horses approaching." He quickly began to stride toward the east side of town, where the remaining village men were gathering, their weapons in hand.

Gabrielle retrieved her staff from near her bedroll, and wasn't surprised to see Xena exiting the tent, fully awake and armed. "Whey would he come back?" Gabrielle asked. "There's nothing left!"

"I dunno," Xena replied, her eyes scanning the horizon. She could see the approaching group, about ten men on horseback, and at least three wagons.

"Hallian," she said, approaching the villager elder. "Did Barclan's men have wagons?"

"Wagons?" Hallian echoed. "No, just horses."

Xena nodded. "Then this is someone else."

When the approaching group was close enough for the villagers to see, one of them exclaimed, "They're from Plamtus!"

"Plamtus?" Gabrielle asked the nearest villager.

"It's a neighboring village, not far from here," came the reply.

Finally, the group came to a stop. An old grizzled looking man got down from his horse, his eyes surveying the ruins of the town. He shook his head sadly. "I was hoping they'd spared you," he told the villagers. "The bastards did the same thing in Flasgon, but spared Spikretes."

Xena exchanged a look with Jamen. Neither of them could figure out why Barclan would completely destroy one village, and leave the next one untouched. She stepped forward. "Did the army ride through your village?" she asked.

The man shook his head. "They rode right by it, but didn't even act like they considered entering it." He shrugged his shoulders, then spoke to all the villagers, "At any rate, we're here to offer whatever we can. " Several of his group stepped forward, their arms laden with food, blankets, and other items. They were welcomed immediately.

Xena, Gabrielle, and Jamen left the village around noon, secure that the neighbors would take care of the destitute survivors. Xena pulled Gabrielle up behind her in the saddle, and urged Argo into a brisk gallop, more determined than ever to catch up with Barclan. They easily picked up the army's trail, and by the time the sun was going down again, Xena told them they were only a few hours behind. Barclan's men hadn't bothered any other village in their path, although it had passed by several.

That night, the trio sat around a campfire, all of their stomachs full of trout, and all their minds full of various thoughts.

"Do you think we'll catch up with them tomorrow?" Gabrielle asked.

"It's possible," Xena answered. "We'll just see how it goes."

Jamen abruptly threw a stick into the fire. "It's going to be hard for me to control my anger," he said, through clenched teeth. "I don't like to kill, but I know I'm going to enjoy killing those sons of Bacchae."

Xena knew the bitterness and anger he was feeling, for it was very much alive in her as well. The image of Atamas, who had tried to be so stoic as she had set his bones just wouldn't go away. When he had learned she was leaving with Gabrielle and Jamen, he had sobbed, begging Xena not to go. He told her she was the only friend he had left. His pleading for her not to leave him was something that wouldn't leave Xena's mind for a very long time.

"The real enemy is Barclan," Gabrielle was saying softly.

"What?" Jamen demanded, his head raising up sharply.

"I said the real enemy is Barclan," Gabrielle repeated. "It might have been his men who did the actual damage, but they were just following Barclan's orders."

"So that means they should go unpunished?" Jamen asked, his eyes narrowing in challenge at Gabrielle.

Gabrielle glanced at Xena, who was apparently intentionally staying out of all this. She and Gabrielle had been down this road before, and Gabrielle was confident that she was right.

"I didn't say that at all," the blonde replied. "I just don't think you should focus on killing his soldiers. Barclan is the one who needs to be stopped permanently."

Xena reacted to this, giving Gabrielle a curious look. Gabrielle shrugged. "Barclan is ruthless…. he has to be stopped one way or another."

"You're right," Xena agreed, and Jamen nodded. Silence reigned for a couple of moments, and then Jamen hopped to his feet, his body tense with nervous energy. Gabrielle was busy scribbling on a scroll, and paid little mind to his constant pacing, but Xena couldn't stand it.

As Jamen started to brush past her again, she reached up and took his swinging hand. He turned on his heel to look down at her. She, in turn, looked up at him, and very deliberately sucked his index finger into her mouth. Her eyes took a wicked glint as she made suggestive movements with her tongue.

Jamen glanced at Gabrielle who was oblivious to all this, then licked his lips, swallowing hard as Xena sucked at his digit even harder. His eyes closed when her hand crept up his thigh until it was resting at the bulge of his crotch. Her fingertips danced over him, causing shivers to rise along his arms. She gave a subtle movement of her head, signaling she wanted him to follow her. He nodded without hesitation. Xena let his finger finally slide from her mouth with a silent pop. She took Jamen's outstretched hand. Once on her feet, she turned to Gabrielle. "Jamen and I are going…for a walk. Will you be all right?"

Gabrielle glanced up from her scroll, then looked up for a longer period of time. She had seen a different side of Xena the last couple of days, but she hadn't ever expected to see sheer, unbridled lust on her beautiful friend's face. Xena's eyes were awash with passion, narrowed to slits of icy blue. Her mouth was frozen in a half smile, half sneer. Xena was watching Jamen, who was seemingly hypnotized. Gabrielle couldn't see his face, but she could tell he was focused 100% on Xena. She could hear his breath coming in quick shallow gasps.

"I'll be fine," Gabrielle finally answered Xena, remembering she had been asked a question.

Xena gave a nod in her general direction, and then reached out with a smile, taking Jamen's hand again. She led him away without another word.

Gabrielle stared unabashedly after them. She knew Xena's reputation was that of a sexual dynamo, but she had never seen it first hand. Xena always had so much control of those basal emotions.

But now, Gabrielle wondered if Xena was letting herself go because she knew they were completely safe; or if she couldn't keep her sexual feelings in check. Either thought was disconcerting in its own way, yet at the same time, very exciting. Gabrielle laid down on the bedroll with a sigh. She knew she would be in for a long, long evening if she didn't take matters into her own hands.

Chapter 15
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