There's Something Fishy Going On

By Ella

Author's Notes:

This short tale was written in response to a story challenge. Special thanks to Kathryn, for proofreading this for me.

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Ben stood, hands on his hips, trying to not laugh. When would those two learn to never play a trick on their brother? Then again, he had a feeling there were some things his sons would never learn. And when it came to jokes, they would never outgrow playing them on each other. His thoughts drifted back to the evening before last, when the seeds for this whole affair sprouted ....

The family was lazing around after dinner. Ben entered the house after taking a breath of air on the porch. Leaning in the doorway, he surveyed his family. Hoss and Joe sat at the dining table, playing their tie-breaking game of checkers. At the opposite end of the table, Hop Sing was lost in his father's notes on treatments for skin rashes. Adam, legs stretched out on the bench before the fireplace, had his nose stuck in the newspaper. He looked up suddenly, announcing, 'Hey, listen to this!' Folding the paper into a smaller rectangle to block out the story, he continued, 'There's an article in here on the origin of April Fools' Day.'

All heads turned to Hop Sing when he asked curiously, 'What is this April Fools' Day?'.

Joe's mouth curled into a elfish grin as Hoss cautioned, 'Oh, Hop Sing, that was the wrong thing to ask out loud in this house.'

Adam nodded in agreement, adding with a smirk, 'You're a fish just waiting to be caught, Hop Sing.'

The young man stared back, even more puzzled. 'A fish?'

Ben gestured to his eldest. 'Why don't you read the article aloud, son.'

'Sure thing, Pa. It says, There are several explanations for the origin of April Fools' Day, but here is the most plausible one. April 1st was once New Year's Day in France. In 1582, Pope Gregory declared the adoption of his Gregorian calendar to replace the Julian calendar and New Year's Day was officially changed to January 1st. It took awhile for everyone in France to hear the news of this major change and others obstinately refused to accept the new calendar, so a lot of people continued to celebrate New Year's Day on the first of April – earning them the name April fools. The April fools were subjected to ridicule and practical jokes and the tradition was born. The butts of these pranks were first called poisson d'avril or April fish because a young naive fish is easily caught. A common practice was to hook a paper fish on the back of someone as a joke. This evolved over time and a custom of prank-playing continues on the first day of April.'

Hop Sing nodded. 'I see. So object of day is to put fish on back of someone then call them fool?'

Ben pursed his lips as all three sons squared their shoulders, their mouths open to drop a barrage on the cook. He held up a hand, answering calmly, 'Well, Hop Sing, while we haven't seen too much activity here at Eagle Station, the folks back in New Orleans tended to pull much more elaborate pranks than hooking a fish to someone's back.' Clearing his throat, he added nonchalantly, 'Some people's efforts were much more elaborate than others'.'

Adam's eyes popped wide. Flapping the folded newspaper in his father's direction, he warned, 'Don't let him lead you off the scent, Hop Sing. When we lived in New Orleans, he and Ma were a pair of the worst offenders."

When Ben tried to wave off the accusation, Adam tossed the paper to the bench, throwing his hands into the air. He trapped his siblings in one of his probing stares. 'Aren't you two going to back me up here?'

Hoss nodded vigorously, 'He's tellin' the truth, Hop Sing. Our Ma would start first thing in the morning, doin' stuff you wouldn't believe.'

Little Joe bobbed his head, concurring, 'Yeah, to our pa.'

With each new piece of information, Hop Sing looked more confused. He shook his head slowly, finally concluding softly, 'Does not sound like Mrs. Cartwright.'

Ben grinned. 'I'm glad you're taking my side, Hop Sing.'

Adam pinned Pa to the doorway with burrowing eyes. 'Pa, Ma thought up some of the most devilish jokes I've ever witnessed.' He swirled a hand in front of him to encompass his brothers. 'We ALL witnessed. And then you'd try to get her back. It happened every year.'

Joe smiled gleefully. 'But Ma always did better, didn't she, Adam?'

Ben frowned. 'Oh, I wouldn't say that. I got her good there, the time I - '

Adam leaped to his feet. 'Ah ha! See, that proves we're telling the truth, Hop Sing!'

Hop Sing lifted his eyebrows and cocked his head, watching the sheepish expression coat his employer's face. 'I know Mrs. Cartwright as very gracious, very kind woman. Seems like maybe there is other Mrs. Cartwright I did not know. This one who was ... the word is tricky? Is it not?'

Laughter lit up Adam's blue eyes. 'I'll, say. She was a master of April Fools' tricks.' Ben crossed his arms over his chest, only encouraging his eldest to prove his point. 'Like the time she sewed the bottoms of Pa's trouser legs closed and when he tried to put them on, he fell on his -'

Mouth falling open, Ben pushed himself off the doorframe, moving quickly across the room. 'How did you know about that?'

Hoss rolled his eyes, suddenly finding renewed interest in the checkers game. Joe, on the other hand, grinned from ear-to-ear. 'I don't remember that. Musta happened when I was little. I'd sure like to hear about it though.'

Adam ran his fingers through his hair. 'Well, Pa, I don't know how to break this to you exactly ... '

Ben's face darkened as he poked his son's chest with a stiff finger. 'You were listening at our bedroom door - '

Eyebrows rising so high they disappeared into his hair, Adam shook his head as he took a step backward. 'No sir, I sure wasn't. I might have done some foolish things when I was a boy, Pa - ' He paled momentarily, thinking about the consequences of getting caught in such a compromising position. 'But I'd have a better chance of survival sticking my head in a noose, than in doing something like that.'

Ben's eyes crawled over his son's face. 'Well?'

Feeling backed into a corner, Adam gave in. 'Ma told me, after you went to work that day.'

It was Ben's turn to arch his eyebrows. 'She shared that with you?'

Hoss volunteered carefully from across the room, 'Actually, Adam pried it out of her, Pa.'

Leaning around their father, arching his neck to make full eye contact with Hoss, Adam nodded, his voice as sour as his expression, 'Thanks a lot, brother. Wasn't that supposed to be a secret?'

Shrugging his shoulders, the middle boy reasoned, 'Well, you already let the cat out of the bag, Adam. I see no reason not to tell the whole story at this point.'

Adam tossed out his palms. 'At my expense?'

Hoss shrugged again, wincing slightly.

Joe leaped up from the table and ran over to Ben. 'Pa, I want to hear the rest of the story. You ain't really mad at Adam, are ya?'

Ruffling the boy's hair, Ben mirrored his smile. 'Well, I don't know how I can be, seeing as how it was your mother who spilled the beans.'

Leading Ben to the bench, Joe sat him down, then slid onto his knee. He looked up at Adam. 'So what happened really?'

Hop Sing moved closer and Adam looked beyond him at Hoss. 'Well, come on, you too.' He dismissed his annoyance with a wave of his hand. 'Like you said, the cat's out of the bag.'

Hoss grinned and joined the others, bringing a chair for himself and Hop Sing. Adam explained, 'Well, you see, Little Joe, Ma used to have a habit of doctoring Pa's food on April Fools' Day.'

'Doctoring it? Doctoring it how?'

Hoss chimed in, 'A healthy dose of hot pepper.'

Adam gave a quick nod, punctuating the air with a finger in Hoss' direction. 'That's right. And she'd do it to a different thing each year, so Pa never knew what was going to be safe. By this particular year, he'd gotten burned enough times that he told her the night before that he was going to eat out the following morning. That's when she decided to go to Plan B, and sew up his pant legs.'

Joe asked, 'But how did you and Hoss know anything was the matter? About the trousers, I mean.'

Hoss chuckled, 'Cause Pa came into the kitchen rubbing the seat of his britches and Adam asked him how come. Ma was behind Pa and got this real funny look on her face, like she was just bustin' to laugh, but didn't dare. Pa musta figured it too, cause he turned around real quick like, to try an' catch her at it. Ma was slick, wasn't she, Adam?'

Adam winked at Joe. 'Yep, slick as they come. She sneezed.'

'Sneezed?'

Hoss snorted, throwing a hand in the air. 'Ah, Joe, she didn't really sneeze. She was just pretendin', so Pa wouldn't catch her laughin'.'

Joe leaned forward, eyes wide with anticipation. 'So, then what happened?'

Adam's eyes sparkled as they landed on Pa's pinched face. 'Ma tempted Pa with croissants, but he'd have no part of it.' He winked at Hoss. 'Too bad. Those were some of her best that day, weren't they, brother?'

Ben growled, 'Boys, you're stalling.'

Joe slapped a hand over his mouth.

Adam had the good grace to look apologetic. 'Oh, right. Sorry, Pa.'

'Um hmm.'

Hoss picked up the story, 'Anyway, Pa went to work and Ma started mixing up our breakfast. And the whole time she was doin' it, she kept giggling. Adam couldn't stand it no more and pestered her until she gave in. She made us promise not to tell Pa though.' He exchanged a quick look with Adam. 'But I don't think she'd mind us breaking that there promise now.' He held their father's eyes. 'Ain't that right, Pa?'

Drawing Joe back against him, Ben agreed. 'No, I don't think she'd mind at all.'

Joe swiveled on his father's lap to look him in the face and ask, 'What kinds of things did you do to Ma, Pa?'

With all ears on him now, Ben tried to squeeze out of the answer. 'Oh, nothing really that creative, thinking back on it - '

Hoss drew his head back sharply, eyebrows hopping up and down several times. 'Nothing creative? What about the time you put the snake in her sewing box?'

Adam laughed. 'Joe, I think I'm still a little hard of hearing in my left ear from Ma's scream.'

Ben looked quickly at their rather outraged cook. 'They exaggerate, Hop Sing, really. It was just a little snake.'

Adam leaned forward to assure him, 'But it wasn't a little scream. Believe me. Several neighbors knocked on the door, to ask if we needed the law brought in.'

Joe laughed and Ben slid him to his feet. 'I think it's past your bedtime, young man.'

Digging for his father's watch, Joe held it up for all to see. 'I still got another half hour, Pa.' He turned to Adam, 'What else did Pa do?'

'Let's see.'

Hoss snapped his fingers. 'Tied all her hair ribbons together.'

Blue eyes sparkled at the memory. Adam confided in a whisper as if Pa were no longer in the room, 'But Ma holds the prize for best all-round prank, Joe.'

'Adam ... ' Ben tried to sound annoyed, but began to chuckle.

'What? What'd she do? Come on, Adam. Please.' The boy clasped his hands together, wagging them in his brother's direction.

Hoss laughed as Adam drew out the suspense. 'You'll appreciate this, Hop Sing. It's the ultimate April Fish joke.'

Joe whined, 'Adam ....'

Adam patted the air with his palms. 'All right. Ma knew April Fools' Day was falling on a Sunday that year.' He began to laugh. The laugh kept grabbing him every time he tried to talk again. It bubbled up into his eyes and he finally doubled over, giving in to it.

Ben closed his eyes and shook his head, but he too was having trouble squelching his laughter, seeing his eldest son so close to hysterics.

Adam finally stood upright and wiped his cheeks. He looked straight at Joe. 'See, Ma took a fish - a real fish - and dried it in the sun, for a whole week. It came out real nice and flat. Then, she sewed it into the back of Pa's Sunday jacket.' Joe's mouth dropped open.

'We always walked to church and it was a breezy day, so Pa didn't notice anything until we got inside and began singing hymns. He started sniffing, real quiet like, so as not to appear rude. He kept looking out of the corners of his eyes, too, trying to figure out where the smell was coming from. He bent carefully, to sniff Hoss and me, but shook his head, deciding we were clean.' Adam took time out to interject, 'Hoss and I were in on this joke, because Ma didn't want us giving it away by accidentally saying something, but it was all we could do to keep from laughing. We didn't dare look at Ma. Pa either. So after Pa sniffed us, we kept our heads bowed.' He winked at his little brother. 'I dare say, he must have thought we were really bad that week and praying up a storm.' Avoiding his father's now squinting eyes, Adam continued, 'Meanwhile, everyone around us slowly moved away, so by the end of the service, our family was like an island in the pew.'

Joe's smile grew wider and wider as the story unfolded. Hop Sing's lips twitched continuously as he observed the older members of the family relive the memory, while Joe gobbled up this bit of family history. The child nudged, 'So, what finally happened, Adam?'

'When the service was over, we all lined up at the door, to thank Reverend Thomas, like we always did. Ma was at the head of our family line, holding you. Hoss and I were behind her. By that time, Pa was fit to be tied, unable to escape the fish smell. He took the Reverend's hand and complimented him on his sermon. Then he leaned in close to mention real carefully, "Someone must have caught a lot of fish yesterday, wouldn't you say?"'

Choking on new laughter rising, Adam concluded, 'At which point, Ma and the entire congregation cried out, "April Fish!" The reverend answered, laughing harder then any man-of-the-cloth I've seen fore or since, '"No, Ben, you are the only fish caught. And your dear wife is the one with the hook."'

Hop Sing and Joe leaned on each other to keep from falling over, while Adam and Hoss shook hands. Ben's eyes glistened with some combination of laughter and tears. He admitted quietly when the ruckus died down, 'It was a good trick. She certainly had a knack.'

~~~~~~~~

And so Ben stood now, looking at his two eldest sons, both drinking copious glasses of water, followed by huge chunks of bread, trying to cool their burning mouths and throats. They'd doctored Joe's food that April Fool's morning, but the child had been spying on them while they did it. He snuck outside and let out a scream that sounded like a pack of renegade Indians. While everyone else scrambled out the front door to investigate, he filled his brothers' mugs with a generous dash of Hop Sing's reddest, hottest pepper.

Later that morning, when all had been forgiven and forgotten, the family was busy at chores. Hop Sing walked up to Ben to ask, "May I borrow buggy to go into town?"

Ben looked on suspiciously, noting the cook's hands tucked behind his back. "Certainly, Hop Sing, but what is so urgent?"

Bringing his secret out in the open, the cook dangled a paper fish at his employer. "I go to town, to introduce tradition. I think Shelby be good first victim, don't you?" The young man didn't wait for an answer, but he heard Ben's groan and Adam's comment.

"Looks like April Fish will soon be jumping at Eagle Station, Pa."

The End

(April 2005)

Author's Footnote: My source for the history of April Fools' Day, which Adam read in the newspaper, is Dictionary.com.