The Love of A Father

By Jess Cartwright

It was a sound that echoed down by Lake Tahoe. It woke the entire house. Ben Cartwright and Carlos Rivera de Vega went running into the boys' bunkroom. Little Joe sat up his bed, a look of fear on his face. Adam slouched back rubbing the top of his head.

"What happened?" Ben asked.

"Little Joe had another nightmare," Adam said still rubbing his head from hitting it on the top bunk. "How did you get to sleep up there anyway?" he asked Hoss.

Ben walked over to his youngest son and sat down on the very edge of his bed. "Do you want to tell me about it?" he asked. Little

Joe shook his head rapidly. "It'll be alright, Joe. I'm right outside, OK? Try to go back to sleep." Ben tucked the blanket around Joe's small body. "G'night, boys." Ben said leaving the room.

"Will you get down here and sleep in this bed?" Adam asked Hoss.

"Why?" Hoss asked. "I'm fine up here."

"Because if you don't, the next scream Pa'll hear will be me, watching my life flash before my eyes when you come crashing through the bunk."

"Oh, quit joshin' me, Adam," Hoss said.

"Joshing you? What about that, Little Joe?" Adam looked over at his brother.

Little Joe just stared up at the ceiling, silent. His eyes were wide and his face still showed fear. The dream had frightened Little Joe so, that it had left him speechless. Adam dared not say a word, but laid back down and shut his eyes.

Ben and Carlos stood outside the room. After not hearing any noise for a while, they walked over to the fire and poured a pot of coffee.

"I just don't know what to do about this," Ben said. "Little Joe's woken up every night since Marie..." he trailed off.

"Little Joe was very close to his mother," Carlos said taking a sip from his cup.

"Maybe if he told me what these dreams were about then I could do something, but he won't say anything, not even to Hoss and those two are inseparable."

"Perhaps in the morning you would like me to talk to him?"

"You could try," Ben said between sips. "I would appreciate that." Ben hunched over resting his arms on his knees. "I've felt this all before, Carlos. The pain of losing a wife, my sons losing a mother. Adam never knew his mother and Hoss was too young to remember his, but Marie... Twelve Years. Just when you think you've seen your share of tragedy, something like this happens and starts the cycle all over again."

"You're life is never truly the same after you lose someone you love."

"It's true. There's always something missing. It's hard. I'm glad I have the boys to help me through it."

"You have been there for them also," Carlos said. " And I will help as long as you need me, Ben."

"Thank you, Carlos."

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Adam walked out of the bunk room yawning and rubbing his eyes. He approached Ben, who was already on his third cup of coffee.

"Morning, son," Ben said as Adam poured himself a cup from the pot.

Adam sat down beside his father. "Pa," he said. "We really have to do something about Little Joe. His nightmares are waking all of us up in the middle of the night and then he doesn't go back to sleep. He tosses and turns. We can't get any rest. Work around here isn't going to get done if we're all tired."

"I know that, Adam. But nobody can get Joe to tell them what's bothering him."

"He's still taking Ma's death hard. Harder than any of us."

"You see, that's what I think it has something to do with."

"But there's no way to know for sure if he doesn't say anything."

"Carlos even tried talking to him, no luck."

"I don't think my head can take it anymore."

"Why you boys let Hoss have the top bunk in the first place is beyond me."

"I thought Little Joe was gonna sleep up there. And now Hoss won't budge. I don't know, Pa. Something's telling me that were in for a lot of trouble when those two get older."

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Ben and Little Joe rode into town. Little Joe sat silently as their wagon pulled up in front of the livery. Ben turned around and grabbed a broken ax handle then dismounted. Little Joe followed him inside.

"Good Afternoon, Maurice," Ben said.

Frenchy looked up and saw Ben standing there with the broken handle. "Your Hoss is too strong for his own good. You should tell him to go easier on these."

"Could Daniel get me a few more of these?"

"Of course." Frenchy took the handle and brought it to the back.

Ben turned to Little Joe and silently motioned for his son to follow him. As they stepped outside, everything seemed to move in slow motion. Neither of them saw it coming, but it could be heard loud and clear. The deafening sound of a ricocheting bullet filled the air as it hit Ben dead on.

He grabbed his chest and looked at his son, a look of anguish on his face and fear in his eyes as he fell to the ground.

"Pa!" Little Joe cried. "Help! Mr. Deveraux! Mr. Larson! Somebody please help!" But nobody came. It was as if the whole town had been abandoned. "Pa!" Little Joe cried. "Pa!

"Pa!" Little Joe bolted up in bed. His heart was racing and tiny bead of sweat rolled down his face.

Ben ran into the bedroom as Adam rubbed his head. Little Joe breathed heavily.

Adam grabbed his pillow and blanket under one arm, keeping the other hand on his head. "If anyone needs me," he said, "I'll be sleeping in the barn."

Ben sat down on the edge of Little Joe's bed. "We can't keep going on like this, son," he said. Little Joe shook his head. "This isn't gonna go away if you don't talk about it, Joe." Little Joe shook his head again. Ben paused. "We've got a lot of work to do in the morning. Try to go back to sleep." Ben turned and walked out of the room.

Little Joe stared up at the ceiling silently. After a moment, he spoke. "Hey, Hoss?"

"Yeah," Hoss said groggily.

"Ya ever think about Ma?" he asked softly.

"Yeah."

"Do ya miss'er?"

"Yeah."

Little Joe paused. "Me too."

Standing outside with his back to the door, Ben heard his boys speaking. Marie had been a very important part of their lives. Ben wished that he could help Joe in some way. He wished that there was a way to find out what was bothering his son. He racked his mind for months trying to think of a solution, but he could never find one.

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Adam banged a nail into a post by the side of the house as Little Joe held it steady.

"Don't move, Little Joe," Adam said. "We're gonna need another post over here soon," he said to Ben and Hoss.

"I'm goin' as fast as I can," Hoss said swinging the ax. Splitting logs was hard work, but Hoss was the fastest and most proficient.

The banging and chopping went on a while longer. "Dadburnit," Hoss said. Everyone went on working. "I broke the handle."

Little Joe let go of the board as Adam swung the hammer. "little Joe!" Adam screamed grabbing his thumb. "I told you not to move!"

"But...Hoss..." Little Joe said nervously. "He... broke the handle."

"That's alright, Joe," Ben said. "He's broken the handle before. I'll just go into town and have Daniel work on a few more..."

"No!" Joe cried. "You can't go!"

The Cartwrights all looked strangely at Little Joe. "This isn't a strange thing, Joe," Hoss said. "I broke the handle plentya times before."

"But you can't go," Joe cried. "Please don't go." Little Joe grabbed onto Ben's leg sobbing. "You'll die."

Ben looked at his other two boys. "Nothing's gonna happen, Joe. We'll just be in town."

"We were in town when Ma died too," Little Joe wailed. "You can't go. Please, Pa."

There was silence as Ben thought. Adam stepped closer to his father. "I'll go into town if you want, Pa," he said.

"No," Ben said quickly. "I'll take Joseph. We'll go."

"But Pa, we can't," Joe cried.

"Come on, Joe." Little Joe didn't move as his father went to get atop the wagon. "Nothing will happen, I promise." Little Joe shook his head. Ben thought for a moment. "I guess I could go into town alone." He glanced over at Adam.

Adam continued. "Oh. Or you could stay here. The work could pile up, nothing would get done."

"We might all go hungry, Pa." Hoss joined in. "If we don't never go to town, Hop Sing'll never get any sugar or flour or nothing like that. We might all starve."

"But Little Joe says we can't go to town," Ben said. "so I guess we'll all have to stay here."

"Yeah," Adam said. And after a while, we'll all just whither away."

Little Joe's bottom lip began to quiver as he stared at Ben sitting atop the wagon. It was as if he was pondering about what was just said.

Adam approached his father. "Pa," he said. "Are you sure that this is a good idea? I mean this is obviously what Joe's been dreaming about. He's afraid, and you going into town today..." Adam glanced back at Little Joe. "Why don't you just let me and Hoss go?"

"No," Ben said. "If I take him, Little Joe will be able to face this. I just need to prove to him that nothing will happen, that it was only a nightmare."

Adam nodded slightly. "OK," he said stepping back.

"I'll be back in a few hours.," Ben said. "You boys just see what you can get done without the ax." Ben started the wagon moving very slowly in the direction of town. He knew it wouldn't be long before he heard it.

"Wait up!" Little Joe called. "Pa! Wait for me." He ran up and Ben stopped the wagon. Little Joe climbed into the back.

Joe remained silent the entire trip into town. He didn't want to go with his father, but felt that he had to. He was afraid. His palms were sweating, his feet were constantly swinging. He occasionally glanced back at his father, in a way, assuring himself that Ben was still there.

As they pulled into town, Little Joe's heart began to race. Ben hitched the wagon in front of the livery and grabbing the broken handle, walked inside. Little Joe walked behind him, shifting his head in all directions, looking around.

"Good afternoon, Maurice," Ben said as Little Joe entered. Joe saw Frenchy sitting behind the counter.

"Your Hoss is too strong for his own good," Frenchy said as he stood and approached them. "You should tell him to go easier on these."

"Could you have Daniel work on a few of these for me?"

"Of course," Frenchy said. Little Joe's eyes grew wider as Frenchy took the handle and brought it to the back. It was all happening, just like in his dream. Perhaps he was dreaming again. He didn't think so.

Ben motioned for Joe to follow him outside. Little Joe closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he followed his father. Once outside, Little Joe squinted in fear, waiting for the ringing sound of a discharging weapon. It never came. Little Joe looked around for a moment and then back at his father.

"So?" Ben asked him. Little Joe looked around again and then swung his arms around his father's waist, sobbing.

"It's alright, Joe," Ben said. "Everything's gonna be alright."

"I was so afraid, Pa," Little Joe said. I don't want you to die."

"I'm not gonna die, Joe."

"Ma didn't think she was gonna die either."

"None of us did." Ben put his hands on his sons arms and looked him in the eye. "Little Joe," he said. " You can't be afraid to live your life. You can't be afraid of what might happen." He wiped the tears from his son's eyes. "Don't let what happened keep you looking over your shoulder all the time. Do you understand, son?"

"Yeah," Little Joe sniffled. "But... It's hard. It's something I never thought could happen to us, but now I don't know if it'll happen again. It's scary."

"I know. And it's OK to be scared sometimes. It's all a part of life. Everyone gets scared about something."

"Even you, Pa?"

"Sure, even me."

"Well...what are you scared of?"

"Sometimes, the same thing that scares you."

"Really?" Joe wiped his eyes again. "I didn't know that."

"It's true. I'm just as scared as you are sometimes."

Little Joe paused a moment and then put his arms around his father. "Thanks, Pa."

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For the first night, everything was finally quiet on the Ponderosa. The crickets were finally able to be heard chirping. A crisp breeze could be heard gently blowing, and then the monstrous sound came from inside the house. It was a roar of a sound that practically shook the entire house.

Adam shot up in bed, smashing his head on the upper bunk. "That is it!" he said grabbing hold of his head. He stood, grabbing his pillow and blanket, and looked up into his brother's bunk. He was so flustered that he could think of what he wanted to do. "If I have to spend one more night in the barn," he said softly as he exited the room. "They're gonna start bringing me out to graze in the morning."

Little Joe giggled as his brother stumbled out of the room holding his head. But soon the sound began to become too unbearable. He tried putting a pillow over his head, but that didn't work. Then he pulled the blanket over his face. Still no. Joe stood and slowly crept out of the room and into his fathers room. He approached the bed and leaned over Ben.

"Hey, Pa?" Little Joe whispered. "Pa?"

Ben turned over and rubbed his eyes. "What's the matter, Little Joe?" he asked.

"Hoss is snorin' again." he said. "Adam's in the barn."

"Mhmm."

"Can I sleep in here tonight?"

Ben moved over in the bed and allowed his son to climb in. "Try to get some sleep," Ben said. "We have a lot of work to finish in the morning."

Little Joe pulled the blanket up to right under his chin. "I love you, Pa," he said as he began to fall asleep.

"I love you too, Little Joe."