Joseph Francis Cartwright

By Tennessee

Joseph, it's hard to believe you will be thirteen years old soon. When I met your ma I had already lost two wives, and I had two sons to raise on my own. Your ma, Marie, had lost a husband and baby herself. And she, too, was in pain and needed a friend.

I talked about my lost loved ones and so did she. We became best friends and we spent more and more time together. One night I told your ma she was very dear to me.

"I'm falling in love with you," she responded.

"But we are friends and that's all I want to be for now."

She smiled and said, "I can wait."

About two months later, she and I were walking in the moonlight, the water was lapping slowly at the shore, and I kissed her. I never thought I would fall in love with another woman after losing Elizabeth and Inger, but I did. I loved Marie. And I told her so.

For the next few weeks, we were so much in love that we could think of nothing but each other. So one night I made up my mind and I went to her house. I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me.

With tears in her eyes, she said, "Yes, I will."

I got up and kissed her over and over again.

She wore a white wedding dress - the same one her ma had worn on her wedding day - and she looked so pretty. We got married in a small church, and she became Mrs. Ben Cartwright.

A few months later your mother did not feel well. She grew sick every time she smelled food. She and I both knew she was with child. We were so happy and so were your brothers when we told them.

When your ma was carrying you, she let the boys feel you kick and they loved it. As she got bigger she was so happy she would sing all day. The nine months passed quickly. And one morning she told Adam to come and got me in the field and tell me she was in labor. I run to the house and she was in the bed.

She said, "The baby is coming."

I said, "Adam run next door, you and Hoss. And tell them the baby is coming. You two stay next door."

"Yes, Pa," they said.

A few minutes later, the lady next door came over. She said, "Boil some water and bring me some clean towels."

"Okay," I said.

And your ma said, "I need you."

"He will be right back Marie," the lady said.

I did what the lady asked. But she was just trying to keep me busy.

When I got to the bedroom door, the lady said, "Stay out. The baby’s head is coming."

And then I heard her say, "Push, Marie, push." Your ma let out a yell and I heard you cry.

And the lady said, "You hear the baby?"

I said, "Yes. Are they okay?"

"They’re fine. Let me clean them up and you can come in."

A few minute later she opened the door and said, "Come in, Pa, and see your new son."

I walked over to your ma and said, "You okay, sweetheart?"

"I'm fine my love and so is our son. So we have three sons now, three healthy boys."

I kissed her and she said, "His name will be Joseph Francis Cartwright."

And I said, "The name fits him."

Then Adam and Hoss asked if they could come in.

Marie said, "Come see your little brother."

And they came over but did not get too close.

"Come closer boys. You won’t hurt him."

And Hoss said, "He’s so little."

And Adam said, "Everyone can't be as big as you were and are."

Hoss said, "He might be as big as me one day."

And we all laughed and I said, "You never know, Adam. Hoss could be right."

Adam and Hoss could not take their eyes off you and they did not let you sleep. They would play with your hands and you would cry. The first few days they always watched you and would not let you sleep. So your ma got mad and said, "Boys, the baby has to sleep to grow, and if you don't let him sleep he won’t grow."

And they let you sleep after that.

When you were a month old, we let them hold you with our help. And you moved you arms and legs a lot. You ate well and you cried a lot the first month of your life.

At two months, you looked around at colors and moved your head a lot. And at three months we sat you between your brothers and they loved it.

The fourth month you could hold you head up. And the next month you tried to get you feet in your mouth but your brothers would not let you.

At six months you started rolling back and forth from your stomach to your back Hoss put you on the bed and you almost rolled off but he had a hold of your shirt.

Your ma loved to gave you a bath and dress you up. She made a little cowboy suit and when we went to town she put that on you. You did not like the suit. You cried and cried when she put it on you. And at seven months you could sit alone and you would bang your toys together.

At eight months you could crawl a minute and rest, then crawl a minute and rest. And then one day you took off and you crawled everywhere. Your brothers would get on their hands and knees and crawl with you. It was so funny your ma laughed until she was crying.

At nine months you would laugh out loud and your brothers would jump out at you and say boo and you would laugh. At ten months you could walk if someone held your hands. So Adam got one hand and Hoss got the other and they walked with you for hours until you sat down on the floor.

Joseph, your ma loved to read to you. She started reading to you before you where a year old. When you were eleven months, you started waving to everyone you saw and people in town thought you were so cute.

You were a little late walking alone. Your ma was worried about that but your brothers always got your hands so you would not fall. And so it was hard for you to learn to walk. Then one day you pulled yourself to a chair. And your ma said, "Joseph come to mommy. You can to it, sweetheart. Walk to mommy."

And you let go of the chair and stood alone.

Your brothers tried to run to you but I said, "No, he needs to learn to walk." They sat down.

Your ma just keep saying, "Come to mommy."

You fell down once and she started to run to you and I said, "Marie honey, you’re just as bad as his brothers."

She turned to give me a look and you took off. And I said, "Marie look!"

She turned and you walked right into her arms. She said, "You did it, Joseph!" And with tears she said, "Mommy loves you."

You would climb on everything and your brothers would get you down.

Your ma gave you a spoonful of food and you put it in you mouth but it was all over your face. It was orange because it was carrots. They were you favorite foods then.

Your ma said, "Look at my baby. He is all orange."

We all laughed.

Adam said, "We will clean him up, Ma."

"No, I will do it. Come on baby."

When you turned one year old, we had a big birthday party for you. Your ma made two birthday cakes – one for you and one for everyone else. She put your cake down and when you stood up someone moved the table. You hit the table with your face and you started to cry.

Your ma picked you up and said, "It’s okay, son. Mommy will you hold you."

She sat in the chair with you and she said, "Eat your cake."

You put your hands in the cake and then gave your ma a bite. It was all over you and her.

It was so funny I had to laugh and you ma said, "Ben."

I picked you up and your ma said, "Pa wants some cake and you gave me a bite too."

The three of us had cake all over us but we loved it. Everyone was laughing and having a good time.

You could say hi and bye now.

When you turned thirteen months you where always into everything. One day your ma turned her back for a minute and you almost got out of the house.

I saw you and said, "Hold on a minute little man. Where are you going?" You smiled and I took you back in.

Your ma said, "Ben where did you find him? He was playing with his toys and then he was gone."

I said, "He was outside."

At fourteen months you loved to make faces at your brothers and they made faces back at you. At fifteen months you said mommy at the supper table.

Your ma said, "Ben, did you here that?"

I said, "Yes, my love. It's about time he said five-letter words."

And you said mommy twenty-four hours a day but your ma loved it.

And then one day you said pa and I was happy too.

At sixteen months your all-time favorite word was no. One day I told you to do something and you said no. I made you sit in your room and think. Your ma and brothers got so mad at me they would not talk to me. I let you sit in your room for an hour with no toys or book and when I came in your room you were crying.

I said, "Come here, son. Pa did not want to send you to your room. But you told pa no and you can't do that, son. Pa knows what is best for you. Always listen to what Ma, your brothers, and I say, ok?"

You looked up to me and said, "Me sorry, Pa."

I picked you up and said, "I love you, son. You can leave your room but if you tell me no again when I tell you to do something you will have to stay in your room again."

"Okay, Pa. I love you."

I smiled and said, "Dinner’s ready. Let’s go."

At the table your ma and brothers where still not talking to me. I said to them, "He as to learn to listen to us."

Marie said, "He is too young, Ben. He is a baby."

I yelled, "I know what I'm doing! I have two other sons."

She yelled, "And where you that hard on them?"

I yelled, "Yes, they have to grow up and be good men, Marie. It's our job to teach them."

She said, "Joseph is still a baby." She ran out of the room.

I ran after her. She was in our bedroom and she was crying.

I said, "Marie, honey, I have to show him that right now he as to do what I say and what you say."

She said, "Ben you might have done that to you other sons but he is my son, too."

I said, "I know, sweetheart, but you have to teach them when they’re little." She smiled and I said, "I just made him stay in his room."

We both laughed and I kissed her.

You boys were still eating and we ate too.

When you were seventeen months old, we went to a town dance and you loved the music. You danced all night. And you did play outside a lot but where we could see you.

One day you saw a butterfly and you followed it. Your ma could not find you. She yelled, "Ben, Joe is gone."

I said, "He is around here somewhere. Just keep looking."

We looked and looked but did not find you.

Your brothers were coming home from school and saw you by the lake. They ran to get you but you fell in the water. They both jumped in after you. Your head went under water but they reached you and got you out.

Hoss carried you and Adam ran ahead to tell us. Adam yelled, "Pa! Ma!"

We ran to him.

I said, "Joseph is gone. Adam, why are you wet?"

"We saw him by the lake. He fell in and we jumped in to get him.

Marie said, "My baby" and she started running. I ran, too.

Hoss had you in his arms. You were crying, cold, and wet."

Your ma said, "Let me have him." And she said, "My baby."

I said, "Let's get the boys home, Marie."

We gave you a bath and you fell asleep. I could tell your ma was crying. I said, "Marie honey, come here. Adam and Hoss you have chores to do."

"Yes, Pa," they said.

"No, wait," your ma said. She hugged your brothers. "Thank you for saving you brother’s life."

They smiled and said, "We are happy we saw him." Then they went outside.

Marie ran into my arms and said, "We could have lost him, Ben."

I said, "Marie honey, he is okay .Don't think about what could have happened."

"I can't help it," she said.

I let her cry until she calmed down.

She said, "Am I a bad ma?"

I said, "Marie you are a wonderful ma to our sons. Honey, you can't always keep them safe. Accidents happen, sweetheart."

She would not let you out of her sight for a week.

When you were eighteen months old, your ma got you a book with pictures. You looked at that book a lot. And you loved to write, or you though it was writing. You scribbled on paper and gave it to your ma. She kept it in her hope chest.

At nineteen months you loved to run and you ran all the time. Your ma said you looked like me but your eyes and smile were like hers. At twenty months you were helping you ma in the house and you could take off you own clothes. At twenty-one months you loved to climb up steps and when we went to town you would cry to walk up the steps. You would walk up and down the steps and we would have to watch you.

One day your ma and you and Hoss went to town and she would not let you walk up the step. You cried and cried. She popped you on the leg with her hand and said no.

When you all got home, Hoss told me what had happened. I knew it had to hurt your ma to discipline you and she was crying.

"Ben, did Hoss tell you?"

"Yes, my love."

"I never popped him with my hand before."

"I know," I said.

"I bet he does not like me."

About that time you pulled up to us and held out your hands for your ma to take you and she did.

She said, "Ben, did I hurt his leg?"

I said, "Honey, his leg is fine."

"Please, Ben. Just look and see."

I did. There was no red spot anywhere. I said, "He is fine." And she smiled.

At twenty-two months you were so big your brothers took you with them a lot. One day Hoss put you on his horse with him.

Your ma got so mad her face was red. She said, "He is too little to ride horses."

Hoss said, "Ma, I had a good hold on him."

"I don't care. He is to young, Ben."

I said, "No more riding him on the horses boys. Okay."

Adam said after your ma left the room, "Pa she will not let him do anything."

I said, "He is her baby, son."

At twenty-three months you wanted to spend more time with me and your brothers than you did with you ma.

When you turned two, your ma would not let you do anything but sit in the house with her. Until one day you said, "Me want to go outside. I'm a big boy now."

In time she let go and let you outside more.

Time passed and you where three years old. You loved to count and say you abc’s.

At four years old you learned to write you name. Your ma was a schoolteacher at one time.

At five years old you started school. Your first day of school was hard on your ma. She tried to smile but tears where coming out of her eyes. She told you to be a good boy at school and kissed you.

As we watched you three walking to school, your ma said, "Ben, my baby is no baby anymore."

I kissed her.

That afternoon you came home and told us how much you loved school.

When you were six yours old I knew it was time for me to teach you to ride a horse and you loved it. One day Hoss left his horse to get a drink of water and you got on the horse and took off. Adam saw you and he tried to stop the horse but it went too fast.

Marie heard Adam say, "No! Stop!"

She ran outside just in time to see you fall and she ran to you. "Adam, get your pa. Hurry!"

Hoss came out of the house and Marie yelled, "Get some water and towels! Hurry!"

Adam came to the field and said, "Pa!"

I stopped the horses. By the look on Adam’s face I knew something was wrong. I ran to him. "What’s the matter, son?"

"Joseph fell off Hoss’ horse, Pa."

We both went running.

You were on the ground. Your ma said, "Joseph, can you hear me?"

But you did not answer her.

I said, "Move, Hoss. Let me see."

I checked to make sure you had no broken bones. "Marie, he has no broken bones."

You opened your eyes and I smiled and said, "He is okay."

Your ma said, "He could have been hurt or killed and all you can say is he is okay? How many times have I told you and the boys he likes to copy what you do?"

"Marie-"

"No, Ben. You do not listen to me." She helped you up and went into the house. She did not talk at supper and when I tried to talk to her she looked away.

At bedtime she said, "You can sleep with the boys. Joseph will sleep with me."

I said, "Marie, you can't be a mother hen and not let him do anything."

She said, "And you can stand there and say that to me after what happened today?"

"Yes, I can."

She said, "Come son, it's time for bed." And she closed the bedroom door.

For three days she would not let you go to school and by then I was so mad I said, " He is going to school."

She said, "No he is not. I'm his ma."

And I said, "I'm his pa and he is going to school."

I took you to school and when I got home your ma was packing. She said, "I'm leaving you, Ben, and taking Joseph."

I said, "Marie."

She said, "I love you but you act like you’re the only one who can tell him what to do."

I said, "Marie, we have no family here. Where will you go?"

She said, "Back to New Orleans to stay with my sister."

I said, "Sweetheart, we can't work this out if you leave. The boys need you."

With tears she said, "I have to go."

We picked you boys up from school and told you all that your ma was leaving.

You said, "But Pa we are a family."

I said, "I know but your ma wants to go."

You said, "Please, Ma. I love it here. Please can we stay? Please?"

She had tears in her eyes.

Adam and Hoss said, "Ma we don't want you two to leave."

She went to our room.

And you said, "Pa, I love you."

With tears I said, "And I love you too, son."

Marie came into the room and said, "Ben, we need to talk."

We went outside. Marie said, "I don't want to leave you and the boys. I love you, Ben."

And I said, "I love you too Marie. We can work this out."

And she said, "I hope so."

It took sometime but we made up and worked things out.

When you were seven years old, you and your brothers camped out in the backyard. At eight years old you won a prize for best book report at school. We where so proud of you. At age nine your teacher left and your ma became the schoolteacher.

At age ten you loved to go fishing and you would bring the fish on your ma's clean floor. She would say, "Get those smelly things out of here right now."

I would laugh and say, "Do what your ma said, son."

You said, "Pa, you have to show me how to clean them."

I went outside with you and we cleaned the fish. I said, "You go take a bath now. I'll take the fish to your ma to cook."

You said, "Yes, Pa."

Marie cooked the fish for supper.

You said, "Ma, one day I will be as good a fishing-man as Pa."

Adam said, "You have to beat me first."

"I will. You wait and see," you said.

"Eat, boys," I said. "One day we will have a big ranch of our own and be a happy family."

Marie said, "We are a happy family right now, Ben."

I said, "I want more for you and the boys than living in back of a store."

"Ben you are a good husband and father."

I said, "I love you, Mrs. Cartwright."

And she said, "I love you, my love."

At age eleven, your brothers always picked on you and called you little. They thought it was a joke. One day you got behind them and jumped on Adam’s back. I had to come and get you off him.

I said, "What's going on?"

"They call me little all the time."

"You are little half pint," they said.

"See? There they go again."

"Go to the house, Joseph."

"But pa-"

"Go now son."

"Yes, Pa," you said.

You told you ma about it and she was upset when me and your brothers came in.

"Ben, what's going on? Joseph is crying. Why did you boys call him little and half pint? That hurt his feelings."

Adam said, "Ma, we’re sorry. Pa gave us a good talking to about it."

"Don't tell me, tell Joseph."

"Okay," they said.

Marie yelled, "Joseph come here!"

You did.

"Your brothers have something to tell you, son."

"We’re sorry. But you know you are our little brother."

Hoss said, "Adam is my big brother but he is little to me."

Adam laughed and said, "See?"

And you gave them a hug.

When you were twelve years old, we were at the lake and the wild horses came by. Paint was on the ground. You broke him to ride, with Tess’ help. I was so proud of you. Your brothers started calling you Little Joe and that's what everyone calls you.

Then the bomb went off in the store and we all ran to find you ma. She died in my arms but she told me to tell you that you would always be in her heart. She told me to stay the kind man she married and not to let this change me. I told her I would not.

When I came out of the store and I saw you, you said, "Where is ma?"

I said, "She died."

And you said, "No ma!" and started to run into the store. But I stopped you. We went home and you cried and cried. I told you that your ma would always be in you heart.

At her grave site when you where talking to her and said goodbye it broke my heart to see you in so much pain. That night you asked me why your ma had to die. I had no answers. All my sons had lost their ma's and it broke me heart. I knew I had to be strong for you.

Eli gave me the deed and we had a place to make a home. Then we came up with a name - the Ponderosa - and built a house.

Son, I know this year has been hard on you. But your ma was so proud of you and if she was here she would be so happy about the little boy you’ve become.

We had our good times and bad times but me and your ma loved each other with all our hearts, son. Your ma lives in you, son. Everytime I look at you, I can see a part of your ma in you.

And today you are thirteen years old. I'm looking forward to watching you grow and become a man, son. And I'm always here for you and so are your brothers.

I love you, son. Happy Birthday. Pa.

On Little Joe’s thirteenth birthday, Hop Sing made Little Joe’s favorite supper and they give him his gifts. Adam and Hoss got him a new saddle. Hop Sing gave him a book and Ben gave him the book. Little Joe opened the book and read what his pa wrote.

With tears he said, "I love you, Pa. I love all of you." And then he said, "And I love and miss Ma but she is always in my heart."

Ben said, "That’s right, son."

And they all yelled, "Happy Birthday, Little Joe!"

That night he thought about his ma and he went to sleep thinking about all the good times they’d had.

The End