How to Become a Pistol Pro

By Gail G.

Hoss and Little Joe sat in the strips of morning sun that filtered between the boards into the hayloft. Hoss was most curious as to why his little brother needed to speak to him along, and in the hayloft of all places.

Little Joe started tugging on his brothers arm, as he pleaded, "Hoss ya got help me with something, ya just gotta."

Hoss had a concerned look on his face, "You in some kind of trouble Little Joe, cause if ya are I’m staying out of it."

Joe puffed up like a bullfrog, "I ain’t in no trouble. I just want ya to help me with a project I want to do."

"A project? What kind of project? And if it involves setting mouse traps in Pa’s room again, forget it." Hoss was waving his arms at his little brother.

"It ain’t nothin like that Hoss, let me show you." Little Joe reached into his back pocket and pulled out a brown paper covered book. He then handed it to Hoss, so his brother could look at it.

Hoss took the book and moved so that the sun was shining on the cover, he began to read out loud, "Ten easy steps to became a Pistol Pro, written by Single Shot Sam." He then looked up at Little Joe, "Are ya crazy or somethin, we can’t be tryin to use no pistol. You know what Pa thinks about guns, he’d skin us alive."

"But Hoss, this teaches ya in ten steps how to use a gun, and how to use it right. Wouldn’t Pa be proud if we could shoot without killin each other??" Joe was now becoming very dramatic, spreading his arms out wide.

"Joe? What has Pa told ya about reading these dime novels?" Hoss handed the book back to his little brother.

"It ain’t no novel Hoss, it’s a how to learn to do somethin book. And I didn’t pay a dime for it, it was on sale for a nickle."

Hoss rolled his eyes back at his brother, "That don’t make no difference, we ain’t got no gun anyhow." Hoss stood and made his way to the ladder.

Joe started to pout, but then an idea came to mind, "Fine, fine, just leave me to do this by myself. Pa sure is going to be mad, if I shot myself."

"Shoot yourself?" Hoss had now stopped, his right foot on the top rung of the wooden ladder.

"Sure, without some type of adult supervision, no tellin what will happen. And then Pa will find out that you knew about what I was doing and you didn’t stay to help me. Boy will he be mad at you." Joe was playing all the right cards. Hoss stepped back up into the loft, all good sense flying out of his mind, with bad decisions taking its place.

"Pleassse.." Joe added for good measure.

"Where are we goin to get a gun?" asked Hoss, wondering if he had really just said that out loud.

Joe started to jump up and down, "Ya won’t regret it Hoss, we’ll become real good shots. Pa will be real proud of us, you’ll see."

"He better be, if not we just might be gettin ourselves into a heap of trouble. Now where are we goin to get a gun?" Hoss was now sitting crossed legged in a soft pile of hay.

The corners of Joe’s mouth inched upwards, "Pa has that gun that he keeps locked in the desk drawer, he’s even got ammunition for it."

"We aint allowed to touch that gun, and you know it Little Joe." Hoss was now frowning at his baby brother. "It’s bad enough that we are goin to practice shootin Joe, but if we steal Pa’s gun, he’ll have our hides for sure."

Joe sighed heavily, "It ain’t stealin Hoss, it’s borrowin, we’ll put it back when we’re done."

Hoss thought about it for a brief moment, "Yea, I guess your right. So how are we goin to borrow Pa’s gun?"

"Do I have to think of everything!!" Joe began to yell, "You know how to pick locks, don’t ya?"

"Sure Joe, Why?"

Little Joe was truly getting agitated now, "Ya can pick the lock on the drawer. Then we will take out the gun and the ammunition."

"Why is it we have to pick the lock? If we’re borrowin Pa’s gun, why cain’t we just ask him for it."

Joe smacked his hand to his forehead, "Hoss, do ya think if we ask Pa if we can borrow his gun, he will let us?"

Hoss answered back, "NO!"

"Right, so we are borrowin without Pa knowin." Joe was now glaring at his bigger brother.

"Joe"

"Yeah, Hoss?"

"It still sounds like stealin to me." with that the two youngest Cartwright boys headed down the ladder to the barn.

Before their boots had even reached the dirt floor, they each heard their names being called.

"Joseph, Hoss, breakfast is ready!!" Adam was standing on the wooden planked porch leaning over to look around the side of the house.

He then noticed his two younger brothers trotting out of the barn. "What have you two been doing? Pa has done called for you ten times." Not waiting for an answer Adam turned to go into the house.

Hoss and Joe glanced at each other and picked up their pace. As they entered the front door, they noticed Pa frowning at them.

"Where have you two been?" Ben asked as he sipped his coffee.

"We were in the barn Pa." Little Joe answered as he made his way to wash basin.

Ben sat his cup on the table and glance at his middle son, "What were you doing in the barn? We haven’t even had breakfast yet."

Hoss stammered, "Umm...Joe was showin me something."

"Joe was showing you something?" Ben asked as he placed his elbow on the edge of the table.

"Yes Pa." Hoss was now seated at the table, heaping eggs onto his plate.

"Well?" Ben began, "What was it?"

"What was what Pa?" Hoss asked as he took a bite of food.

Ben looked up at the ceiling, "What was it that Joseph was showing you in the barn?"

Hoss laid his fork on the side of his plate, "Umm...nothin Pa, well nothin important."

"Well the next time Joe has something to show you that is not important, can it wait to after breakfast?" Ben almost chuckled.

"Sure Pa."

With breakfast eaten, everyone headed outside to start on their daily routine.

"Adam, hurry and finish yours chores, I want you to go into town with Hop Sing and I. We have that big order to pick up." Ben spoke as he headed to hitch up the team.

Little Joe ran over to his father, "What about us Pa. I mean me and Hoss."

Ben stopped and looked down at his smallest, "I want you and Hoss to stay here. You need to finish repairing that chicken coop, that by the way was suppose to be done yesterday."

With flushed cheeks Joe back away, "Yes Pa, repair the chicken coop, got it."

"Good." Ben continued to the barn.

When all the chores were completed, Ben, Adam, and Hop Sing loaded into the wagon to head for Eagle Station. "Stay out of trouble." Ben called back to his sons as they pulled out of the yard.

"Yes Sir." both young men chimed together. As soon as the family was out of sight, Hoss and Joe started to get excited.

They ran into the house, and over to the desk that the gun was locked in. Hoss pulled a long piece of metal out of the inside of his coat pocket. He carefully began to work at the lock. Little Joe stood by the window, just to make sure the family was not coming back.

In a wink of an eye, Hoss stood over the open drawer, admiring the gun that laid inside. "Joe, come her an look at this."

Joe walked over to where his brother was standing, "WOW, it’s beautiful ain’t it."

Hoss licked his bottom lip as he lifted the shining pistol out of its hiding place, "Joe, where are we going to practice, I mean we can’t around here."

"Sure we can big brother, well lets take a couple of practice shots. Pa’s gone, nobody will ever know."

Hoss carefully shut the drawer, then he and Little Joe headed for the front door. Within moments they were standing outside between the house and the barn.

"Go over and get some of them pine cones so we can practice." Hoss was pointing toward the tall stately pine trees.

Joe nodded, and scampered to the trees to gather some pine cones to use as targets.

When Joe thought he had enough, he ran back over to where Hoss was standing. He dropped the pine cones onto the ground.

"Where do you want to put them?" Joe looked up at his brother for advice.

Hoss shrugged his shoulders, "Just set them up on the chopping block, we will practice with one at a time."

After Joe set a couple of cones on the stump, he went to stand by Hoss.

Hoss had loaded the gun with the ammunition that he had taken from the drawer.

Joe then pulled his book from his back pocket. They opened the book to the first page, and read the first step aloud.

Number one, find an appropriate gun, with proper ammunition. Hoss rolled his eyes, "Joe this book is stupid, of corse ya got to have a gun."

"Just keep reading Hoss." Joe yanked the book from his brothers strong hands.

He began to read, "Number two, find something to use as a target. Set the said target three to six feet in front of you. Well Hoss, we have both them things taken care of."

Hoss grabbed the book back from Joe, "Number three, stand in front of the target with your feet slightly apart." Hoss handed the book to Joe and went to stand before the pine cones on the stump.

"Read the next one, will ya Joe."

Joe turned the page, "Number four, lift your weapon to eye level, line your sight with the target."

Hoss lifted the gun up and held it to his eye, "What’s next Joe?"

"Number five, when you have the target in view, cock the gun, and squeeze the trigger." Joe looked back to Hoss to see if his brother was following instructions. "Go ahead Hoss, pull the trigger."

Hoss licked his lower lip, pulled the trigger and with a BANG a bullet went flying straight for, no not the pine cone, but the window in the side of the house.

At a moments notice, the two wayward boys heard what they seen was coming, CRASH!!

They both stood, eyes as wide as saucers, mouths hanging open.

"Joe?" Hoss spoke as he lowered the pistol beside his waist.

"Yeah?" Joe had taken a step forward, so he could see the shattered window just a bit better.

"Does it say anything in that confounded book about breaking a window?"

Joe lifted the book and once again turned to the next page, "Nope."

"I didn’t think that it would." Hoss was biting his bottom lip. "Little Joe, we got to find that bullet, if it went through the window, that means it stopped somewhere in the house."

Hoss dropped the gun and both boys ran to the porch and pushed their way inside the front door. "Joe, you look over there by the table, and I will look over here by the fire place."

Joe shook his head until his bangs fell on his forehead, and the search was on. They looked high and low and could not find where the bullet had went. Hoss finally stood up, he walked to the broken window and stood at the spot that he thought the bullet would have went through.

He then walked a straight line to follow the path. This is when he figured the ammunition landed somewhere in the unlit fireplace. He dropped to his knees and started to search through the ash.

Joe looked at him like he had lost all sense, "What in the heck are you doing?"

"I’m lookin for the bullet." Hoss continued to dig.

"Why?"

"Joe don’t ya see, when we lite the fire, it could cause the bullet to go off. One of us could get shot, if we don’t find it we’re going to have to tell Pa."

With that bit of information, Joe dropped to his knees and started shifting through the cooled gray ashes.

Both the boys were so busy, they didn’t ever here the wagon pull into the yard. As Adam and Ben climbed out of the wagon, Adam noticed Little Joe’s book lying in the dirt.

"Pa, just look at that, Joe needs to take better care of his things." Adam walked over to pick up the publication.

Ben only nodded as Hop Sing handed him a large box filled with supplies.

When Adam was leaning over to pick up the paperback book, he noticed the silver pistol lying on the ground. "Pa! Pa! Come here, quick."

At the sound of Adams voice, Ben sat the box of supplies on the porch and headed over to where his eldest stood.

Inside the house, Hoss and Little Joe were still unaware of the arrival of the family, they were frantic trying to find the lost bullet, all noise was blocked from their minds.

Outside in the yard, Ben had ran to where Adam was standing, "What is Adam?"

Adam pointed to the gun on the ground, then he turned and pointed to the broken window. Ben turned white as a new fallen snow. He quickly glanced around the yard to see any signs of the other boys. Hop Sing was still standing by the wagon afraid to move.

"Pa!" Adam started to shout.

"Shsss.. Adam, if it is robbers, I don’t want them to hurt your brothers." Ben started to back slowly to the barn.

Realizing that he had never picked up the paperback text, Adam bent at the waist to retrieve it. When he had it in his hand he read the title to himself. Ten easy steps to become a Pistol Pro. Ummm...Pa?

"A-dam, didn’t I tell you to be quiet?" Bens patience was short, his concern for his two youngest all that was on his mind.

"But Pa. I think this will answer some of your questions." Adam took a few steps and handed his father the book.

Ben had a puzzled look on his face, he turned the book over so he could clearly read the front. He then looked back at Adam. "Adam, fetch me that gun."

Adam did as he was told and turned to retrieve the gun off the hard ground, he then wheeled around and delivered the weapon to his father.

Ben turned the gun over and over in his hand, he recognized it as the weapon that he keep locked in the drawer inside the house.

"Pa, you don’t think they have been doing target practice do you?" Adam shifted from foot to foot.

"I don’t know, but I’m getting ready to find out." Ben took a few long strides and entered the house like a bolt of lightning.

He entered only to find Little Joe and Hoss, rummaging through the ashes in the fireplace.

His lips went straight, eyebrows furrowed, and teeth clenched. "WHAT IN THE SAM HILL IS GOING ON HERE!" As he bellowed his words, Little Joe and Hoss flinched and turned to look at their irate father.

"STAND UP, BOTH OF YOU!!" Ben started to count to fifty in his mind. He was trying to fight his anger as hard as he could.

Both young men got to their feet, and stood looking down at the floor.

Meanwhile Hop Sing and Adam had entered the house. Hop Sing started to say some things in his native tongue, nobody could understand him, except the words clean up and dirty ashes. Hop Sing was so agitated he stomped past the boys and out the back door.

Adam could not figure out if Hop Sing was mad because of the mess or he didn’t want to stick around to see what Ben was going to do.

Adam was getting ready to speak, but his father held up a hand. "Adam, go take care of the horses please."

"Yes Pa." Adam slid a look to his brothers, as he slowly backed to the open door.

After Adam was out the door, Ben moved to study his two sons more closely. He eyed each of them up and down. They were a mess, not only them, but the house was a mess. Ash had settled over everything in a thin dirty layer. As for Hoss and Little Joe, they were covered head to toe with the black soot.

"Well?" Ben started to speak as he crossed his arms in front of him. "Would you care to explain what you are doing?"

"Um...we were looking for something Pa?" Little Joe piped up.

"Looking for something? What exactly are you looking for?" Ben leaned his head to the side so he could look Joe in the face.

Joe elbowed Hoss in the stomach, Hoss then began to stammer, "We, well are lookin for something that went into the fire place."

Ben’s patience was becoming short, "I see. Would you by chance be looking for this?" Ben held the gun out for his sons to see.

Hoss and Joe looked at each other from the corners of their eyes. This time Joe began to speak, "Umm...no Pa, that’s not what we’re looking for. Ummm...We kinda knew where that was."

"I See." Ben stated once again, "Would you care to tell me how this got out of the drawer that it was locked in?"

Hoss wiped his hand across his face, "Well ya see Pa, I kinda picked the lock."

"YOU PICKED THE LOCK?" Ben bellowed.

"Yes Sir."

Ben could feel the anger rising inside him, "We will talk about that in a moment, first I want to know what you were looking for."

Hoss took a deep breath, "We are looking for what came through the window."

"What came through the window?" Ben repeated what his son had said, "And what did came through the window? Which by the way the two of you will be paying for."

Both boys spoke, "Yes Sir"

While the two misbehaved boys stood trying to come up with an answer, something caught Bens eye by the fireplace.

Ben took two long steps and with out hesitation he bent over to pick up the shining object. He turned the object over in his hand and studied it with great interest. He then moved back in front of Little Joe and Hoss.

"Would this, by chance, be what came through the window?" Ben held the bullet between to fingers, he lifted his hand so that his sons could see it clearly.

Hoss shuffled his feet, while Little Joe put his hands behind his back.

"Well?" Ben took a step closer to the boys.

"Yes sir Pa. That’s what we were lookin for." Hoss lifted his eyes to look at his fathers face and cringed at the look that he seen.

Ben laid the used ammunition on the table, he then turned and headed for the front door. He only paused for a moment, I want this messed cleaned up, NOW!! He then continued his track out the door.

Both Hoss and Little Joe breathed deeply. "Little Joe, you get the broom and the dust pan, and I’ll get the bucket of water ready." Little Joe nodded his head as he headed to the corner to retrieve the needed items.

The two boys worked together like well oiled machinery, they cleaned and scrubbed, and sweep. It was almost dinner time when the two had finished. Hop Sing had slipped into the back door as the boys had been cleaning.

As they were gathering the last of their cleaning supplies to put them away, Ben came into the house. "I want you both to have a bath before dinner."

"Paaa...a bath? But it’s not Saturday." Little Joe whined. One look from Ben however, silenced the young man. Hoss and Little Joe backed out of the house never taking their eyes off of their father.

Once they were outside, Hoss went to fill the empty barrel with water, as Joe found some soap and towels.

They each bathed swiftly, not wanting to test their fathers temper anymore tonight. As they dumped the water from the barrel, Hop Sing stepped outside to announce dinner was ready.

The boys scurried like rabbits into the house, and went to sit at the table. As the family ate, all eyes were turned on Hoss and Little Joe. They knew they were in trouble, but Pa hadn’t said one word to them.

Hoss was becoming terribly nervous so he started to speak, "Um...Pa?"

Ben looked up at his son with a horrible look on his face, "Eric, I would suggest that you eat your dinner in silence."

"Yes sir, Pa." was all Hoss said as he lifted his fork to his mouth. Little Joe sat across from Hoss, he couldn’t hardly eat for sending his brother private facial messages.

"JOSEPH!" Ben smacked his hand on the table, as Joe jumped, "Eat your dinner, NOW!"

Little Joe picked up his fork and shoveled large bites into his mouth.

When everyone was almost finished, Ben stood and went to sit in front of the now burning fire place.

"Adam." He spoke into the still air.

"Yes, Pa?"

"I want you to clear the table and help Hop Sing with the dishes."

"But Pa its Joe’s nig...." Adam started to protest but stopped before he finished the sentence. Instead he replaced it by simply saying "Yes, Sir."

Little Joe just shrugged, he hated cleaning the table, and doing the dishes. He thought that Pa was mad at him and Hoss, but instead of being punished, he was being rewarded by not having to do the hated chore.

Eric, Joseph, I want to speak to you both on the porch. Ben rose from his comfortable spot and headed out the door, closely followed by his two sons.

Hoss and Joe were relieved at first because Pa had not said, I want to speak to you in the barn. If Pa had said that, they knew what was coming. But this time Pa confused them by having them step on the porch.

When they stepped outside, they noticed that the air was much cooler than earlier, and it was already dusk. This was a sure sign of winter. They moved to stand in front of their father.

Ben paced in front of them, he then started to speak, "E-ric." Hoss straightened his back when he heard his given name. Not only had Pa called him by his proper name, he had said it in that long drawn out way that he does Adams’ when Adam is in trouble.

"Yes Pa?" Hoss answered as he lowered his head.

"Where did you learn to pick locks? And please look at me, not your boots."

"Sir?" Hoss had raised his head so he was looking at his father.

Ben stood silent waiting to hear the words from his middle son, when he did not answer he repeated the question. "Where did you learn to pick locks?"

"I..I..learned from one of the men that was in our wagon train. He taught us one day when we had stopped to camp." Hoss spoke barely above a whisper.

"I see." Ben said in a direct tone, he then continued on, "Eric, please explain what you were thinking when you stole my gun."

Hoss’ head shot up, he couldn’t believe what his father was saying, he hadn’t stole the gun, he had borrowed it. "I was just borrowin it Pa, honest, we were goin to put it back when we were done."

Ben arched an eyebrow at the response, "I see, so you were going to tell me that you used it?"

Hoss glanced over at Little Joe, "Ummm, no Pa, we weren’t goin to tell you. Why?"

Ben ran his broad hand over his face, "If you borrow something without asking it is the same as stealing. Don’t you agree?"

Hoss shot a heated look at Joe, "Dang Joe, I told ya it was the same thing."

Ben almost had to hold back a grin, but then remembered that one of his sons could have been killed today.

Ben pulled the paperback novel from his vest pocket, "Whom does this belong?"

Little Joe looked up with a sheepish grin on his face, "Oh, that’s mine Pa." He reached over to grab it, but his father yanked it back out of reach.

"Jo-seph, what have I told you about reading these books?" Ben turned the book in his hands.

"Not too?" Joe’s answered sounded like a question.

"And why don’t I want you reading books like this." Ben smacked the book in the palm of his hand.

Joe shifted slightly before answering, "Cause they fill my head with bad ideas."

"That’s right son, and you somehow can usually manage to drag Eric along with you. Know lets go over what you both have done wrong today." Ben held up his hand so he could tally the misdemeanors,

"First, you picked the lock on the desk drawer. Second, you borrowed my weapon and the ammunition without asking. Third, you actually shot the gun, accidently shooting out a window instead. Forth, you made a mess of the house, while shifting through the ash to look for the bullet that went through the window. Is that about it boys?"

"No pa." Joe had taken a step closer to his brother.

Ben was amazed, he wasn’t expecting anything else but a Yes Pa from his sons, "Well, Joe what else is there."

"We didn’t finish repairing the chicken coop." When Joe said this, Hoss reached over and kicked him in the shin. What was Joe thinking, adding one more bad behavior to the list.

"I see." Ben was standing with his hands at his hips, "And why did you not finish the chicken coop?"

Joe bit his bottom lip, "Cause we were to busy doin all them other things."

Ben just nodded in understanding, afraid he would chuckle if he spoke out loud.

After a moment, Ben had composed himself, "You can do the chicken coop tomorrow."

"Yes Pa." each boy answered.

"What other punishment do you think you should receive?"

Joe spoke up first, "Pa don’t ya think it is punishment enough to have to stand here in front of you. I mean you are scarring the pee out of us?"

Hoss rolled his eyes at his little brother statement, he knew it wasn’t punishment enough, not by his father standards.

"What do you think Joseph?" Ben leaned from the waist, so he was eye level with his young criminal.

"I...I...think I was wrong Pa." Joe stammered.

Ben stood back up and turned his attention to Hoss, "Eric, what do you think your punishments should be."

Hoss faltered at first, but then got the words out, "We should have to pay for the window?"

"Don’t worry your going to. What else Eric?"

Hoss shrugged his shoulders as he sighed.

This is when Ben lost all control, well of his mouth anyways, he started to give them a lecture they would never forget. He pointed out that one or both of them could have gotten shot. Then he named all the possible things that could have went wrong. When the talk was over, it was time to administer punishment.

He moved directly in front of the two boys and began to speak, "Since you both are fascinated with guns, you can clean them, all of them. The guns in the house that is. The shot gun, riffle and the hand guns. Hoss, you will teach Joseph how to properly clean and take care of all the weapons in the house. I’ll give you a couple of days to do this. Then I will give you a, lets call it a test, on gun safety. At which time you will each show me how to clean and handle a gun properly."

Both boys had a look of relief on their young faces. Cleaning the guns wasn’t so bad.

Ben noticed the look and he started to speak again, "That’s not all boys, since you like to play in ashes, you will both clean the fireplaces, including the chimney. You will then clean up any mess that you make while you are doing it. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes Pa, I completely understand." Hoss said eyes wide.

"Yeah me to Pa, I mean Yes Sir Pa. I understand too."

"One more thing boys," Ben started to step off the porch. "Since you like to "pick things" you may both pick out which strap that I will use on your backsides."

Hoss scrunch up his face and Joe rolled his eyes to the heavens, as if he was praying for some type of miracle.

When Ben was half way to the barn, he turned and motioned for his two sons to join him. At first neither moved from the spot they were standing. "BOYS, NOW!!" Ben called across the yard.

When the sound of their fathers voice reached them, they hurried to follow instructions.

Once in the barn, Ben keep his promise, and let each young man choose which leather strap that he would use. They each chose carefully, to purposely pick a strap that would not do the job would mean that the punishment would become more severe.

Ben once again went over the wrong doings of the day, he also added that when the gun safety test was given, they would each earn one lick for every mistake that they made. He suggested that they be sure to practice and use their time wisely and for Little Joe to pay close attention to his brothers instructions.

Once the talking was finally finished, punishment was handed out. Ten licks each with the strap of their choice. Ben hated to punish any of his boys, but today’s crime was much to serious to let pass. He needed and wanted them to remember the punishments for some time to come. When all was said and done, he sent the two boys into the house to go to bed.

Hoss headed to the house, only slightly rubbing his backside. While Little Joe also rubbed his behind, he too cried freely. He told Hoss he was just a little kid and couldn’t help it. Hoss was not amused and told Joe that this was all his fault. Now they not only have extra chores, they still had to fix the chicken coop, and they got spanked on top of all of it. And not only that they didn’t even get to learn to become a Pistol Pro.

Later that night, when all three boys were in bed, Ben entered the room to bid each a goodnight. He went to hug each son and he kissed each on the forehead. As he turned to leave the room, Ben heard Joe call for him. "Pa?"

Ben answered back, "Yes, Little Joe?"

"Pa, can I have my book back? Hoss and I didn’t get to finish reading it."

Hoss and Adam laid in bed, amazed that Joe had asked for that book back. Ben chuckled as if he had not heard his young sons request. He then went through the bedroom door, closing it quietly behind him.

Joe looked around puzzled, "What?"

With that question both Adam and Hoss threw their pillows at their youngest brother. "Someday little brother, someday." with those words from Hoss, the three brother turned and quickly drifted to sleep.

The End