Home of the Eagle

By Vicki Christian

Historical Notes: Considerable poetic licence is taken in The Ponderosa since no permanent structure was recorded in the area until the Eagle Ranch (now the King Ranch) was built in 1853. Mormon Station now Genoa had its first permanent buildings in 1851. (I’ve moved it forward a few years). Franktown in the Washoe Valley was established in 1853 and Eagle Station began life around the same time; it changed its name to Carson City in 1858 and became a recognizable town. So all events in this narrative are pure fiction. To try to maintain some semblance of reality I have traded the Eagle/King Ranch for the one owned by Carlos’s family and assumed that in what was regarded as North Mexico, it is possible that Mexicans did have farms that were not recorded in US history books!! Although there is little or no evidence that the Mexicans crossed the Sierras west to east or traveled up from the south to this area. This does, however, allow Ben to become Margaret’s neighbor when he acquires the Ponderosa, since the boundaries on the famous map adjoin the King Ranch of today.

Part One – Cut off at the Pass

Adam Cartwright’s Journal

********

The Story continues:

September usually saw the last of the wagons heading west and the tiny settlement of Pueblo de las Ponderosas started to prepare for winter. Most of the people who lived in the tents were migrants and as soon as the last wagons rolled out they followed either to the larger settlements on the other side of the mountains or to sell the furs acquired over the summer months in Yerba Buena. A few souls stayed and the wooden shacks were made ready for the hard winter. Frenchy was one of those who stayed. He said it was to protect his interests but in truth he was hiding out from creditors from some of his previous dubious enterprises. He was a small man with big ideas but he did no work to bring them about, he plotted. His plotting had earned him a number of enemies but very few friends. and to prove the point he found it necessary to employ a bodyguard. He also knew good business when he saw it. Over the summer months he had brought in or traded for supplies and as winter drew on he knew he could raise his prices to where ever he liked and folk would have to pay or starve. If they objected, well he had Big Dan to persuade them that opposing him just wasn’t an option. Yes, Maurice Sebastian Devereaux prayed for snow, lots of snow and the earlier the better.

Erik Cartwright, just barely fourteen and already as tall as his eighteen year old brother, stood just outside the family wagon and watched as the other wagons rolled out of the small settlement in the misty morning light. "Sure wish we was goin’with ‘em," he sighed. "There ain’t nuthin to do around here."

His brother raised an eyebrow and leaned back against the wall of the nearby livery stable "Don’t let Pa hear you say that or he’ll find us plenty of chores. Maybe if we look after the horses real quick we can slip away and explore."

"Explore what?" Erik replied waving a hand at the dusty street in disgust.

Adam shrugged "The river, that lake we passed…"

"I ain’t goin’ nowheres near that lake and the quicksands. I reckon if you hadn’t been there too, Pa would’ve had my hide. I guess he reckons you’re to old for a tannin’. But I ain’t. "

His brother laughed. "I’m not about to go back there to find out, don’t fret."

"Go back where?" asked a small drowsy voice.

"Hey, sleepyhead." Adam grinned as the youngest member of the family made an appearance. Erik was big for his age and Joseph was small for his eight soon to be nine years. That didn’t stop the boy being mad at anyone who treated him as the baby. "Never you mind where. If we took you, Pa sure would tan us both real good." Adam ruffled Joseph’s curly hair, much to the smaller boy’s annoyance.

"Quit it, Adam," Joe complained, loudly.

A head poked out of the wagon canvas at the back "Boys, be quiet. Your Ma’s not feeling well and I want her to rest. Adam take care of the stock and then find out from that Frenchman if there is anywhere that we can rent and anywhere we can buy food."

Adam glanced at Hoss and then back at his father "We staying here that long, Pa?" he was a little hesitant in his query since the last time he had questioned his father’s plans on California he had come to regret it.

"I don’t know. Now get going and take care of your little brother, no wandering off."

"Yes, Pa." Adam gave a resigned sigh. Taking care of brothers was a regular chore and one he’d gladly relinquish for a few hours.

The three boys headed toward the livery stable to seek out the Frenchman. The whole structure was rickety, but inside was a treasure trove for small boys and Adam had to grab a hold of Joe’s collar to keep him from putting his fingers or his nose into everything. The boxes and sacks contained every manner of dried goods, all at high prices. And stacked around these were farm implements, seed, leather goods and many other things that a traveler, trapper or farmer might want.

Still holding on to his young brother by the hand, Adam spotted the owner and, dragging Joe along, made his way to the back of the store. "Excuse me, Sir. We came in yesterday , and my Pa wants to stay over. Is there a boarding house or somewhere that we could rent rooms?"

The Frenchman looked up in surprise, renting rooms wasn’t a common request. He had a hayloft that trappers and prospectors used. Most families lived in their wagons until they could build or they simply passed through the settlement on their way west. He chuckled at the idea of a boarding house. "There eez no ‘otel," he grinned. Then a gleam came into his eye . He had built a new store-room which had a room over it. He had planned to fill it with hay but there hadn’t been time this season, so it was empty except for some old furniture he had acquired in a trade. He had rented it out a few times to trappers, usually after they had gotten drunk on his cheap whisky and couldn’t object to the price. "I’ave a room, it is large. It might do"

"May we see it?" Adam asked politely.

Devereaux nodded . "Zis way." He led them out and along the side of the building to a wooden staircase. This stopped at a door one floor up and inside there was a large room filled almost to capacity with boxes and sacks. "As they wove their way between them, Adam wondered where they were being taken." At the far end was another narrower staircase, which led up to an attic room. Here Frenchy stopped and waved a hand. "I will rent it, if your father is interested."

Adam looked around and tried to mask his horror. The room was quite large with an alcove to one side, this contained a raised platform on which a dirty straw mattress resided. There was a plank table and four chairs in the centre, a bench seat and at the far end a rusting iron bedstead with another filthy mattress. There were windows but they were too grimy to let in much light. He saw Joe flinch as a rustling sound showed that they had disturbed some wildlife, He hated to think what.

"Well, I don’t ‘ave ze time to waste?" The Frenchman was anxious to get back to his store, money was being lost.

Adam didn’t think his father would even consider it but he felt he had to be polite and at least show an interest. "How much would the rent be, sir?"

Devereaux considered then named a figure that took Adam’s breath away. He had to be joking, but the boy could see from the firm set of his mouth that he was not.

Seeing his reaction, Devereaux smiled "Zere is nothing else in town. Your wagon will be cold when the snows come and they start soon."

"Uh, yes sir. I’ll talk to my father."

Once outside in the clean air , Hoss grabbed Adam’s arm "You ain’t gonna tell Pa about it are you?"

"Ma, ain’t gonna like it." Joe added.

Adam shrugged "I’ll tell Pa exactly what it was like and he can decide."

"Well, I ain’t livin’ there." Joe’s face expressed his disgust.

Secretly Adam felt the same but he knew that in the days before Hoss was born he and Pa had stayed in worse places. If there was nowhere else, this might be home for a while.

Adam was right, there was nowhere else. Ben tried to get the price reduced without success and finally handed over a month’s rent, the minimum Frenchy would accept. He then set the boys to cleaning, before he would even allow Marie near the place.

Ben and Erik removed the mattresses, Adam and Joe were set to scrubbing the floor and cleaning the windows.

"Hey, Adam, I can see the mountains!" Joe shouted excitedly when he had cleaned a small square on one pane, "There’s snow on top of some, . I wonder if it’s snowing already? What’s snow like?"

Adam looked up , exasperated at the small amount of work? Joe had accomplished. "It’s cold and wet and gets in everywhere, " he complained, forgetting the magic of the times he had played in the snow when he had been younger than Joe, and remembering only the hardship it had brought to the travelers. "Now get back to work."

Joe shrugged. not in the least put out by Adam’s bad temper, and resumed his leisurely cleaning of the window.

By nightfall the room was clean but now it looked even more bare. Ben stood back and surveyed it. "We can bring our mattresses from the wagon for the platform and the bed. Tomorrow we’ll move all our things in here and it will look better."

Adam watched his father’s expression and read more than the others. Pa was trying to be cheerful, as he had done so many times when they had been on the trail before New Orleans. Ma must be really sick for Pa to stop here when California was so close.

He ventured a risky question "How long are we staying here, Pa?"

Ben frowned . "There’s another wagon train behind us led by a German emigrant named Donner, we’ll probably join up with them."

Encouraged by his father’s answer, Adam tried to glean a bit more information. "Isn’t it getting kinda late to cross the mountains?"

This time his father glanced westward at the towering peaks of the Sierras. "A little, but the snows don’t usually come until November. We have maybe six weeks and word has it that the other train left Fort Laramie in plenty of time. Mr Norton said it was only about ten days behind us. I’ll ride north in a few days and scout the area, see if I can see any sign."

Adam nodded, satisfied that their journey to California was still possible.

******

Erik kicked at a stone and raised a cloud of dust. "So, what we gonna do then."

The boys had finished morning chores and the extra ones Pa kept finding for them, and it was now afternoon. Pa had gone to talk to Mr Devereux so they were left to their own devices for a while.

Adam leaned back against the side wall of the store and frowned for a minute. He knew Pa wanted to move things from the wagon to the rooms above the storerooms, but it wasn’t what he wanted to do on one of the last warm afternoons of summer. "How about fishing? There was a stream just on the edge of town, might be a good place. We can explore and see. If we’re staying a while we’ll need a good place to catch supper." He reasoned that they’d be back in a couple of hours, before Pa missed them. He damped down the feeling that they ought to stick around to see what else needed doing.

"Ain’t that awful close to that lake and the sinking mud?" Erik asked, his ears still burning from the lecture Pa had given them.

"Nah, mile maybe two. Even Pa couldn’t call that close."

Erik wasn’t so sure what Pa would consider close, but if his older brother was willing to risk it then he would, too. Adam always knew best where Pa was concerned.

"You go back to the wagon and sneak the poles out and meet us on where the willows start. Joe and I will go dig some bait." He grinned at his little brother . "Wanna go dig some worms, Joe?"

Joe had been climbing on some barrels in the alley to try to see into a high window in the side store , and he almost fell when he heard his name. Regaining his balance he jumped down, missing Erik by inches. "You mean we’re goin’ fishin’?" he yelled.

Adam smiled and nodded his head . "Yeah, if you can manage to behave , and if our brother can get the poles without too much fuss."

Erik headed off in the direction of the wagon. It was only after he’d walked a few yards that he wondered what Adam had meant by ‘sneak the poles out of the wagon.’ If he was so all fired sure Pa wouldn’t be mad why did they have to sneak anything?

Joe eagerly settled in to the riverbank to dig worms and soon had a good collection. Since they had no pail. he stuffed them into his jacket pocket.

Adam saw the move and winced but there was nowhere else to keep the worms, and his own carefully amassed collection kept wriggling away from him. Shrugging, he followed Joe’s lead and put the worms in his pocket. By the time Erik made it back, having successfully removed the poles without waking Ma, Pa was nowhere to be seen, thank goodness. There were enough worms to keep them supplied for several fishing trips.

The riverbank was shady under the trees by the riverbank despite in the warmth of the September sunlight and the patterns thrown on the grass had a soporific effect. The boys settled down to a quiet afternoon’s fishing, at least quiet for Joe and Erik. Adam’s afternoon didn’t progress quite so quietly. After about half an hour he began to feel uneasy. His father had often told him that his conscience would tell him when he was doing wrong , and right now his conscience was more than prickling. Maybe they should have checked that Ma was all right and that Pa didn’t need them for any errands. Maybe they should have told Pa where they were going. No, get it right, he thought. You should have asked Pa if you could go. The more he thought about it , the more he knew he had made a bad decision, made even worse when he had persuaded his brothers to join him, not that they’d needed much persuasion.

As the afternoon wore on, and Erik and Joe’s chatter no longer penetrated his brain, Adam ran his hand around his collar. It seemed unbearably hot and he knew it wasn’t the sun, which was now low in the sky. His discomfort came from his guilty conscience and he knew he ought to rouse his brothers, who were both dozing, and head home. But in the past hour he had begun to dread explaining where they had been all afternoon. He had a nasty feeling Pa wasn’t going to be too pleased with him. Eventually common sense and conscience won over apprehension and he shook his brothers awake.

"C’mon, gather up the fish and let’s go. It’ll be time for chores soon."

Joe woke easily and glanced around . "We haven’t caught much yet."

Adam sniffed "And you two aren’t going to catch much asleep. I’ve got a few, maybe enough."

"Enough for what?" Erik muttered as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"Enough for supper, " Adam replied, then added under his breath, "and enough to save my hide, I hope."

"Ben had noticed his sons’ absence around mid-afternoon when he had looked for Erik and Adam to help him carry the freshly-filled straw ticks for the bed." There had been no sign of them. By the time he had hauled three heavy linen ticks up two flights of stairs and across the warehouse in between, his temper was less than sweet.

He placed one mattress on the iron bedstead and the second on the wide bench in the alcove. The third he left on the floor. He was bone weary but he needed to get the bed comfortable so Marie could rest better.

He covered the mattress with two blankets and tested it; not bad. It was not soft but it was better than the wagon bed, and the linen and the blankets kept the straw from poking through the ticking. He didn’t want to get up again, and the urge to get things done ebbed away as he longed for sleep. Not being the sort of man to give in though, he got up and continued his tasks, but his feelings toward his sons was not mellowing as the hour’s absence stretched into two and then three. He found sheets and a quilt and brought the pillows from the wagon, and by late afternoon Marie was resting in her new bed in her new home.

"It’s not much but we can make it better." He tried to sound cheerful although the place still looked like a barn. "It’s not New Orleans, is it?" He tried a smile.

Marie gave a reassuring grin . "No it is not, my love. But then we must not look back. There is no good in doing so. All will be fine when we reach California. This is for now, not forever." She sat up . "We can move our things from the wagon, it will be more like home in a few days."

Ben sat on the edge of the bed and held her hand . "You are not well. You must not do too much. The boys will do things."

Marie’s laughter was like a tinkling bell , and she looked better than she had in days. "That’s if you don’t lose them like this afternoon."

"Huh!" Ben grunted. "I can promise that when I get hold of them they won’t want to be ‘lost’ again anytime soon."

"You sound like a grumpy old bear." She chuckled. "They are just boys and they want to explore. Didn’t you when you were their age?"

Ben laughed too, then hugged her. "Are you sure you feel better?"

"I feel fine. All I needed was rest. A few nights in this bed, and no swaying wagon all day, and I will be ready to go on."

Ben nodded his head . "There is only one more train due and it’s likely to cut north along the Truckee River. I’ll ride north in a day or two and see if I can locate the train. He smiled reassuringly, even though he didn’t feel very optimistic. Finding a few wagons was not gong to be easy. They could be anywhere within a hundred miles of the Truckee River. He got up from the bed. "Now you rest quietly. I’m going to find those boys and give them a piece of my mind, several in fact, and then we’ll cook some supper."

Marie glanced around the room . "We have no where to cook ."

Ben sighed . "Not yet. I’ll cook on the campfire tonight,. Tomorrow I’ll clean the chimney and see if that old tortoise stove can be adapted to cook on. At least it will give us warmth. It’s going to get colder at night soon.

The three boys had just emerged from the trees when they saw their father walking toward them. Striding was a better word Adam decided, and the expression on his father’s face gave him the strong inclination to be walking the other way.

"Uh oh," Joe groaned and moved a few paces behind his brothers.

Erik tried to do the same but Adam simply wasn’t large enough to hide both of them. He decided that a few paces back wouldn’t hurt. So much for Adam being sure it was all right to go to the river. Well it was his idea, he should be the one to explain to Pa.

Adam knew exactly what his brothers were doing, and while he accepted that as the eldest he was responsible, he had hoped for a bit more support.

They stopped about three paces in front of Pa and glanced anxiously at each other.

"Would you care to tell me where you have been?" Ben was tight lipped and his eyes were showing anger, not a good sign.

Adam held out the fish almost as a peace offering, but more in hope than expectation. "We figured we’d need something for supper, Pa."

Ben looked from the meager offering of fish to his eldest son’s face. "You conveniently forgot that I told you we would be moving our things from the wagon, did you?"

Adam bit his lip. He could argue that he had forgotten but Pa could read him too easily, and getting caught in a lie wasn’t going to help their case. "Kinda, Pa. See you weren’t around and…"

"Since when have you needed someone to remind you of chores or supervise carrying a few items from a wagon?" Ben asked in exasperation. "Did you forget, yes or no?"

Adam paused. Ah, he’d got him there… a yes would be a lie and a no would imply disobedience. He stared at his boots as he tried to figure a way out, There was none.

"Well?" His father’s voice disturbed Adam’s thoughts again.

"No sir, I didn’t forget. I just figured we be back before… I mean… sooner."

Erik and Joe moved closer together in an effort to stay out of Pa’s line of vision. The ‘sir’ had made them both nervous, Adam didn’t often use it and when he did they knew he expected to be in trouble.

Ben pointed a finger and his anger was obvious as he stressed each word, "You thought you’d be back before I realized you’d gone, isn’t that it?" Then realizing that his voice was beginning to carry to some passersby on the edge of town, he flung his arm toward the livery stable to point in the direction of the rented rooms.

He waited while they passed him. Even in his anger he almost smiled at the way Erik and Joseph turned slightly as they passed him in an attempt to keep their elder brother between them and their father. He followed a few paces behind and waited until all three boys were standing in the room, looking nervous.

Marie smiled at them until she saw her husband’s furious countenance. "You found them?"

"Yes, I found them. Fishing when they should have been working." He turned to the three boys. "Joseph you will stay here and help your mother. You two…" he pointed at his older sons, "will come with me to the wagon."

Erik swallowed hard. He didn’t like the sound of that. What was Pa going to do?

"Adam muttered under his breath as he followed his father back to the street. Why had they come upstairs if they were going straight down again?"

Once back at the wagon, Ben pointed at the ax and nodded to Erik. "We need wood for a fire to cook on and for that stove in the rooms. Then fetch water for cooking and for your mother. Take it up to her and stay to help. Adam and I have some talking to do."

Erik risked a sympathetic glance at his brother then made off double quick. He was glad he wasn’t included in that talk

When Erik was out of earshot, Ben rounded on his eldest son. "I don’t excuse your brothers, but the real responsibility lies with you. You knew there was work to do, and you knew I needed you and Erik to do it." He wagged a finger at his eldest son, "I thought you had grown up on this trip. There were one or two lapses but on the whole you’ve worked hard and taken on your responsibilities like a man. In the past few days that seems to have changed. You risked your life and that of your brother going back to the quick sands and now this. If Erik had been the instigator he would have received a tanning. I thought you were past that stage, but I’m beginning to wonder if my judgment on that score was a little hasty."

Adam tried hard to hold his father’s gaze but his eyes kept slipping toward his boots. He felt about thirteen again. Pa had been treating him like a man and he had let his father down, but it was so hard being responsible all the time. Sometimes he wanted to be thirteen, but right now as his eyes stopped at his father’s hands resting on his belt, wasn’t one of those times.

"I’m sorry, sir. It won’t happen again."

Ben grunted . "Don’t make promises you aren’t certain you can keep, young man."

Adam winced. How did Pa know he’d almost done something he’d not done for years - crossed his fingers as he apologized and made that promise.

"I will have to ride north in a few days to try to find that wagon train. It might not swing south the way we did. I may be gone several days, even a week if they are late. I need you to take care of your mother and your brothers while I’m away, and I have to be able to trust you to do that. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir. I understand, and I won’t let you down." This time the promise was made in sincerity and Ben knew it.

He rested a hand on his son’s shoulder . "I’m sure you won’t, son. I’m relying on you and I know you can do it."

Adam almost let out a sigh. Pa wasn’t angry anymore and that felt good.

"Shall I make the biscuits, Pa?" he asked as his father moved toward the wagon to fetch the cooking utensils.

"You suggesting mine aren’t good?" Ben had his back to his son as he spoke so Adam couldn’t see the slight smile.

"Oh, no, sir," Adam came back quickly, a little too quickly.

Ben’s eyes twinkled. The ‘sir’ had been a bit more than he’d expected too, and he bit back the laughter. "That’s all right then. You make them, your Ma prefers yours to mine."

Together they worked in silence on supper, producing trout fried in butter, fried potatoes and biscuits in no time.

For the next few days they all worked hard to make the room habitable. Five people in one room made for some short tempers at times, but in general they managed quite well. The sleeping arrangements were the worst Adam decided, and he was the one hard done by, in his opinion. Joe slept like a log once he dropped off and going to bed earlier than the others gave him the chance to do just that before Erik’ snores made the rafters vibrate. Pa and Ma had the bed, the most comfortable of the three mattresses and a little privacy with a blanket hung across the room so that Ma could undress and sleep separate from the boys.

Adam’s mattress was on the floor, which was drafty and dusty and occasionally small visitors scurried over it. He’d set traps but nothing seemed to deter them. The first night he couldn’t sleep because of his brother’s snoring, and on a couple of nights when Erik was relatively quiet, he was aware of other sounds. The whispered conversation of his parents was fine, but… Oh well, he supposed there was nowhere else, and he had been aware of similar sounds from the wagon in the weeks past, but somehow it disturbed him more here.

Lack of sleep made him short tempered in the mornings, and his brothers soon learned to avoid him until after breakfast. It was on one of those mornings about ten days after they had arrived that his father found Adam in the alley, waiting for Ma to call him to breakfast. Adam looked up startled but not too worried, his chores were done.

"Son, I’m going to head north today. By my reckoning, the Donner train should be off the Humboldt someplace heading up toward the Truckee. If I find it, and they are willing to take us, we may have to pack up in hurry."

Adam nodded. "I’ll make sure the wagon and the horses are checked over."

"I’ll be gone at least three days, maybe more if I can’t find them quickly. You take care of your Ma and brothers."

"Yes, sir. We’ll be fine, " Adam replied with confidence. "Do you think the other train will take us?"

Ben nodded "Most folk won’t turn away two extra men to help."

Adam’s delighted expression told Ben that he had said just the right thing.

Erik leaned on the hitching rail outside the livery with Joe perched alongside him like a parrot, his feet on the rail as he crouched and hung on to his brother’s shoulder. Chores were done and they weren’t exactly avoiding Adam, after all they were in clear view, just not in Adam’s view. Adam, they knew, was down at the wagon doing some repairs and they ought really have offered to help.

"You think Pa will be back today?" Joe asked, as he had asked every day since their father had left.

Erik shrugged "Dun know Joe, maybe. He said it might be a week."

Joe counted in his head for a minute "S’bin more than that, its bin eight days already. You think Ma’s worried?"

"Nah, not yet. Lots o’ things coulda held him up." At Joe’s frightened look, Erik laughed, "I don’t mean held up like that. I mean it mighta snowed up there, or maybe the train weren’t where he expected it to be, ya, know."

Suddenly a window opened above them and Marie’s voice floated down to them. Well, not exactly floated more roared down, Erik decided.

"Joseph, Erik. Venez ici! Vite, vite."

"Uh oh, she’s mad about something." Erik nudged Joe. Ma always forgot English and used her native language when she got angry. Neither boy spoke much French but there were certain words that stuck in their memories; vite, was one of them. Move slowly after Ma used it and she was likely to help you along with a switch and she’d used the word twice.

Both boys moved but as they hurried to the stairs Joe protested. "We ain’t done nuthin’. Leastwise nuthin’ she could know about." "Maybe its ‘cos we ain’t done nuthin’ that she’s mad," Erik threw back over his shoulder.

"Nah, Adam couldna got past us and told her, could he?" Joe gasped out as his breath was needed for climbing the two flights of stairs.

Erik didn’t bother to answer. He had almost reached the top step and was being met by a very angry Marie.

"Erik your bed!" she yelled before he could put his foot on the final step.

Erik couldn’t think what might be wrong with his bed, the bed he shared with Joe. He had made it before he left. He glanced over at the quilt, neatly pulled up and smoothed out - well except for Joe’s jacket, which was thrown carelessly at the foot.

Marie flung out a finger and pointed. "It moves!"

Joe had wriggled around his mother and at her second accusation he looked hard at the quilt. She was right it did move or at least something did. He closed his eyes and wished he were back in the street. The worms! He’d forgotten them and a few must have survived almost two weeks in his pocket and then crawled out on to the quilt. The movement was probably their death throes from starvation.

Erik came alive as he saw them and reacted by instinct, the instinct of self-preservation. "They ain’t mine."

Marie’s eyes moved to her youngest son. "Then they are yours, oui, Joseph?"

Joe screwed up his face and tried to look angelic, the effect wasn’t quite what he hoped for. "Yes, Ma. I put ‘em there when we went fishin’ and I forgot ‘em."

"Fishing, you ‘ave been fishing again when you should ‘ave been helping Adam."

"No, Ma. I mean from last time," Joe protested.

Marie’s eyes widened and a slightly nauseous feeling hit her "They are two weeks ago?" She sank down into a chair. "Why did you put them in your pocket?"

"I didn’t have a can," Joe explained. It seemed simple to him. "Adam did it too." He tried to justify his actions then realized what he’d said and swallowed hard. Big brother wouldn’t be too pleased.

Marie looked up shocked "Mais non, Adam would not do such a thing."

Worried that his little brother was going to be accused of lying, Erik jumped in with both feet. "He did, Ma. I saw him get ‘em from his pocket to bait his hook."

A very tired Ben Cartwright arrived back in the little settlement just as the sun was setting and was amazed to see three sons chopping wood and carrying it up to the room.

"Evening boys," he said with a touch of sarcasm. He was certain that splitting kindling at this hour was not a regular chore but something imposed by Marie for some misdemeanor or other.

Joe was the first to react and he flew into his father’s arms for a hug. Erik followed more slowly with a decidedly martyred expression and Adam straightened up and brushed his black hair out of his eyes before a slightly over casual, "Hi, Pa, welcome back."

Yep, Ben was right. There was something going on.

"Didya find the wagon train, Pa?" Joe asked, dancing around his father.

"We goin’ with ‘em?" This from Erik, now smiling and equally as eager as his younger brother for news.

Ben returned the hugs and touched Adam gently on the shoulder "Let me get upstairs and see your mother first, then I’ll tell you." He pointed to the split kindling. "Can this wait?"

Adam nodded. "I guess so, for a while anyway." Adam studied his boots for inspiration. "We were beginning to worry about you."

Long before Ben reached the third floor, Marie had heard his voice and was halfway across the storeroom to greet him with a bear hug.

He kissed her lightly, aware of three pairs of eyes on them. "I’m fine and nothing terrible happened." He smiled seeing the concern in her eyes and anticipating the question. "Let me sit down and I’ll tell you about it." He glanced at his eldest. "A cup of coffee would go down well."

Adam nodded and gathered cups and coffeepot from the stove. "We got the stove to boil coffee but not much else," he told his father.

Ben nodded and took the proffered cup.

Marie held her husband’s other hand, reluctant to let him go now that he was home. "Did you find the wagon train?"

He shook his head " I rode from the Humboldt Crossing to just below the pass and there was no sign. Norton must have been wrong. They must have been right behind us and are already over the pass. Its pretty cold up there and there’s some snow on the summit."

"What do we do then?" Adam asked anxiously. He wanted to get to California now. They were so close. "Are we going on our own?"

"No, son. It’s too risky to take a lone wagon over, especially at this time of year." Ben looked apologetically at Marie. "I guess we stay here for the winter."

Marie rested her head on her husband’s shoulder. "It is all my fault. I should have gone on. We would be at the fort by now." She sniffed and Ben knew she was near to tears.

"It’s not your fault. We’ll make this comfortable for the winter and we’ll be in California ready for spring planting." He felt Marie shake with a sob and signaled to Adam to take his brothers outside.

Once the boys had left, Ben gave Marie a hug and kissed her hair. "We’ll be fine here for the winter. I’ll go to the pass south of here and cross over to the fort and bring back supplies. It will only take about ten days with a pack horse…" he stopped as he heard Marie gasp. "I have to. Devereaux’s prices are more than we can afford. I’ll leave in a few days and be back before you know it."

She shook her head as she looked up at him. "I will know you are gone. I will worry every day until you are back here with us where you belong."

Ben hugged her again to reassure her "I asked Mrs. Haskins and she says that she can take care of you when your time comes. She says there is a doctor in Mormon Station and that’s just a few hours ride away down the valley. We’ll be fine."

Marie looked up, her eyes shining with tears and not a little terror. "You can’t go alone into the mountains."

He hugged her closer. "You know I have to, my love. We agreed we don’t have enough supplies to last the winter, nor enough money to pay the rent here and buy from M. Devereaux. I have no choice. I’ll be fine and back within ten days no more, I promise."

Marie tried to smile but failed "Don’t make promises you may not be able to keep."

Ben kissed her cheek. "I’ll leave the day after tomorrow."

"Oh, no. You have only just returned." Marie looked up at him "Must you go so soon?" She answered her own question, "Yes, of course you must before the snow."

Ben nodded. "The sooner I go the less chance there is that I will be caught in a storm on my way back." He released her and moved over to the stove. "I’ll get things here as comfortable as I can and make sure Adam understands all the things he’ll need to take care of until I get back. Then we’ll be warm and snug and well fed over the winter and there will be six of us to go to California." He held her hand. "We must tell the boys about the baby. They’ll have to help more especially while I’m gone. Adam will take care of you, he’s turning into a very responsible young man." He frowned "By the way, what caused the wood chopping chore? It is some kind of punishment, isn’t it?"

Marie laughed. "Your very responsible eldest son has been putting worms in his pockets."

"Worms!" Ben raised an eyebrow. "Fishing?"

"Yes, fishing. Remember, almost two weeks ago?" Marie wrinkled her nose in distaste. "Joseph did it too and some crawled out on to the bed when he left his jacket there. I got angry because I was scared by them when I saw the quilt move."

"Sounds like something Joe would do but isn’t Adam a little old for it?" Ben asked, smiling.

"Oh, I’m assured he did. He even reluctantly admitted it. I might have been a bit unfair on Erik. He says he didn’t do it but I set them all the wood chore just the same. We needed kindling and logs. This stove eats them just to get warm enough for a coffee pot."

Ben laughed. "At least finding and chopping wood will keep them out of mischief over the winter."

Marie didn’t feel happy about the plans but she didn’t want to worry her husband even more so she smiled. "Adam and I will take care of everything, and Erik and Joseph will help out."

"I’ll be happy if they just behave themselves." Ben laughed.

Outside, Adam stopped at the foot of the stairs and leaned on the rail. "Looks like we’ll be stuck here for months," he grumbled.

Erik sat down heavily on the bottom step and sighed. "What we gonna do for supplies? I heard Pa say that the livery was askin’ too much."

Joe squeezed in beside his brother on the step. "There’s nuthin’ to do here and we gotta carry all the wood and stuff up all those stairs." He rolled his eyes as if in agony.

Adam shrugged. "Guess we have to make the best of it." He reached out and ruffled Joe’s hair. "And talking of wood, we’d better get that chore finished before Pa asks why we’re doing it at all."

Both his brothers groaned but reluctantly got to their feet to help. It was maybe an hour later that the three boys ventured upstairs to be told that no sooner had Pa returned than he was leaving again.

"Adam would you light the lamp, please. We have enough oil to use it for an hour or so and I will read to you." Marie settled into one of the wooden chairs that had been made comfortable with cushions.

Adam and Erik pulled their chairs around the stove, too, and Adam placed the lamp on the table beside Marie.

"Joseph, come sit with us." Marie called to the youngest member of the family.

Joe had spent the time since supper with his nose pressed against the glass of the window. "I want to watch for Pa," he protested.

"He won’t come now, it’s too dark. Maybe in the morning." Adam’s voice was harsh with worry. He wanted his Pa home.

"Hey, it’s raining." Joe ran his finger down the pane following a raindrop.

Marie opened the book she had found from the box where it had been stored. "Come," she said. "Your father will not come tonight."

Several hours later after everyone had been in bed for a while, Adam slipped from under the covers and, after wrapping a blanket around him, sat by the window. He was worried about his father and he couldn’t sleep. Surprisingly, Erik wasn’t snoring and the room was silent. He stared unseeing out of the window into the darkness.

He was startled from his thoughts by a misty shape on the glass. It looked almost ghostly until he realized that his stepmother had come up behind him, dressed only in her nightgown with a shawl over her shoulders.

"He will come," she said softly. "I would know if he came to harm."

Adam nodded. "I know he will but I can’t sleep and watching helps." He turned around. "You will get cold, let me stoke the fire."

Marie shook her head. "There is not much wood. I am warm enough."

Adam’s warm breath had condensed on the glass and here and there it was freezing into an ice pattern. He scratched at it with his fingernail. "The rain is turning to snow. It may be snowing in the mountains."

"Go back to bed, Adam. He will come." Marie gently touched her stepson’s shoulder. "I know he will come back to me."

Reluctantly, more for warmth than sleep, Adam returned to the platform bed.

His youngest brother shouting at the top of his voice awakened Adam, as it began to get light.

"It’s snowing. Look! That’s snow, ain’t it?" Joe jumped up and down to get a better view from the clear space on the glass.

Erik joined him and confirmed that it was snow. "Can we go out, Ma?"

Adam dragged himself from sleep and joined his brothers at the window. It sure was snow and lots of it. He cleaned a bit more ice from the window and shivered. It held no magic for him, just the prospect of hard work clearing a path from the steps to the outhouse. Across the street Mr. Haskins was shoveling snow from outside his cabin and Adam estimated that maybe two feet of snow had fallen in the night. He glanced back at Marie who had just emerged from behind the drawn blanket. Two feet here could mean four or five feet at the higher elevations. The pass was close to three thousand feet higher than the town.

Marie glanced out the window and then at Adam. "He will be through the pass by now. He’ll be home today."

Adam nodded. "Sure." He turned to his brothers "Hey you two, let’s get this place warm. Pa’s gonna need a hot meal and a warm bed when he gets home."

Throughout the day as he worked, Adam kept his eye on the road to the mountains. Nothing moved on it and the snow kept falling. Erik shared his concern for the first few hours but Joe’s enthusiasm for snowball fights and making footprints and angels in the snow soon won Erik over to having fun.

It was late afternoon and beginning to get dark when Adam saw a figure approaching on foot. He studied the person hard and prayed but it soon become obvious that the man was shorter and thinner than Pa. He waited until the snow-covered man reached him and then voiced his fears. "Did you come over the pass, sir?"

The man shook his head "I was holed up in a cave up there-" he pointed towards the mountains to the south-"about four or five miles this side of the summit. Ain’t no one coming over there now ‘til spring. It was pretty bad when I come over three days ago but it’s blocked now. Must be ten feet o’ snow in there."

Adam’s heart sank into his boots. "You didn’t see anyone else up there on the trail?"

"Nope, you expecting someone?"

"My Pa. He went to Sutter’s for supplies eleven days ago."

"Big man with a pack mule, name o’ Cartwright?"

"Yes, that’s him." Adam’s voice was eager for news.

"Met him going over maybe a week back. Warned him it was dangerous this late in the season." He saw Adam’s troubled countenance. "He’ll be all right lad, he’d have made it to Sutter’s well before the storm hit. He’ll have holed up there for the winter. Sutter woulda know’d this was comin’."

Adam wasn’t reassured. He worried that Pa would have started back regardless of the warnings. He knew his father and he knew that it would take more than a threat of a snowstorm to keep Pa from his family, especially with Marie in her condition. Pa could be out there somewhere either at the pass or on either side of it, alone and hurt, or maybe buried in a snowdrift. By the time Adam had made it back to the attic rooms he had worked himself into a state. His brothers had finished playing in the snow and were dripping water all over the floor.

"Take off those wet clothes and then mop up this floor," he barked. "Ma has enough to do without cleaning up after you."

Both Erik and Joe looked at him in amazement; first because it was unlike Adam to reprimand them when Ma was around, and then because he sounded so like Pa.

Marie was surprised too until she saw his face; something had happened, she could feel it. "Adam’s right, dry this up and then set the table for supper. Adam would you help me with something over here." She held out the blanket curtain and beckoned him over toward her bed.

"What is it, you have heard something?" she whispered.

Adam swallowed nervously and nodded. "A trapper just came in. He passed Pa going toward Sutter’s a week ago."

"Then he is well."

"But the trapper says no one can get through the pass now. Pa must be trapped on the other side, or maybe in the mountains… he could be…"

Marie put a finger to Adam’s lips. "He could be, but he is not. I am sure. My heart would tell me if he was in trouble. He will come back to us when he can."

Adam began to tug at his ear. "That won’t be until spring; maybe four, five months from now."

Marie smiled. "Then he will be just in time for the baby. Do not fear Adam, we will be here waiting for him. We have to manage, will we not?" She put an arm around him. "Come we will have supper and I will explain to Erik and Joseph."

Marie waited until supper was completed. Adam ate in silence and both his brothers eyed him nervously. They had never seen him like this.

"Boys," Marie began quietly, "Adam has met with a trapper today. He says your father is well." She glanced at her eldest to see if her words were true. She wanted to reassure them, not scare them and tell them just enough, no more.

"When will he be here, Ma?" Joe piped up.

"He will not be back until spring, mon petit. The pass is full of the snow and he is cut off from us until it thaws."

The world was white. From the frosted window all Joe could see was a sea of white. Here and there a tiny corner of a building would lose its snow cladding for a moment and the snow would plop on to the street. Now and then a person would hurry past and there would be a glimpse of dark clothing, but for the most part there was no relief in the stark landscape. At first it had been fun to play in the snow with his brothers, but for the past three days he had not been allowed further than the outhouse behind the storeroom. The routine had become boring. Each morning Erik and Adam cleaned the outside steps and put salt on them to stop them freezing and went to find wood for the fire. Ma wouldn’t allow Joe to accompany them. He was kept inside helping with the chores and doing lessons. By mid morning all the work was done and for the rest of the day there was nothing to entertain him. Ma and Adam read or told stories and helped him with schoolwork but for an active nine-year-old that wasn’t enough. Tomorrow was Thanksgiving and Joe did not intend to spend it inside.

The door opened, letting in a cold blast of air and his two brothers. They had removed their outer clothing on the floor below and both made straight for the stove.

"That’s the last of the wood we can find within sight of the buildings, Ma." Adam’s expression was one of concern. "It will only last a day or two at most."

Marie nodded "We have no meat either. I will ask M Devereaux tomorrow what he has."

"No, Ma. I’ll be able to hunt as soon as the snow stops. We can’t pay his prices. If Big Dan can hunt so can I."

Marie frowned "He has lived here many years in the mountains. You do not know them. I will not have you in danger."

Adam rolled his eyes and gave a sigh, "Pa told me to look after the family while he was away and if he were here he’d hunt."

"You will not hunt. I have said so." Marie’s eyes flashed.

Joe climbed down from his perch by the window and watched as his mother and brother faced each other. He noted that Erik had stopped rubbing his hands to warm them and was holding his breath, waiting for the next move.

"We need meat and we need fuel and it isn’t going to walk up the stairs." Adam’s voice rose in both pitch and volume.

Erik almost choked. Adam was sure asking for it now.

"You will not shout and you will obey me." Marie’s temper was rising and Adam would do well to back off.

"Ma…" Adam spoke as if explaining to a recalcitrant child, "If Pa was here…"

"Yes, if your father was here you would not speak to me so. You would obey him and you will obey me." Marie was very close to stamping her foot and Erik and Joe watched the confrontation with a little too much interest.

The day had been boring up to now, but this looked good. Erik wondered what Ma would do. There was no room to send Adam to, no Pa to punish him for his back talk, and luckily for his older brother, no switch in sight. Ma sure was angry.

Marie suddenly became aware of the younger boys’ attention. "You will sit at the table and think about these things," she ordered.

Adam drew in a breath as if to respond then he too realized that his brothers were hanging on every word. Pa had asked him to take care of the family but not at the expense of respect and good manners. He let the breath out in a deep sigh. "Yes Ma’am, I’m sorry I got angry."

Marie nodded in acceptance, but noted that he hadn’t apologized for his words just the manner in which they were spoken. She clapped her hands "Come, I have made some soup and we have Mrs Haskins’ fresh baked bread. Then I will tell you the story of how I was almost eaten by an alligator.

Joe giggled "A real one, Ma?"

"Of course a real alligator," she pretended to be affronted at his implication.

Adam relaxed, relieved that the confrontation had not gone further, but still determined on his hunting trip.

"Ma, we ain’t got anything for Thanksgiving dinner." Erik was determined the subject would not be dropped until he had got that straight.

"We have vegetables, we will be thankful for those and for each other." Marie said firmly, so firmly that Erik knew better than to argue but he did look across at Adam with a very dejected expression. Adam simply shrugged as if to say, I tried.

After supper, Marie was as good as her word. She waited until they were all seated comfortably; Erik and Joe curled up on the bed and Adam lounging at the table, Marie, herself, seated in her rocker.

"When I was a girl, maybe Erik’s age or a little younger, I was supposed to be a lady."

Joe giggled and his mother smiled at him.

"I did try, but climbing the trees and fishing were more fun than playing with dolls. My mother tried hard to teach me the deportment and etiquette but it was hard. My friends and I often went to the river to play and sometimes we ventured into the swamps." She felt that now the family was well away from New Orleans she could admit this transgression. There was no chance that the boys would emulate it.

"It was not a good day. My father had important visitors for dinner and Mother had already made me wear my best dress for the afternoon as I was to meet them. I was introduced and then told to sit quietly and sew until dinner. I was not good at the sitting and I did not like the sewing of fine stitching that my mother had given to me."

"I’m sure pleased I ain’t a girl." Joe said in disgust.

"It would not hurt you to sit with your books more often." Ma frowned at him.

"Aw… Ma." Joe protested. "Tell the story."

Marie adjusted her skirts and rested her hands on the slight bump under them. "I did not sit for many moments. I met my friends and we went to the river. On this day we made a raft out of old logs and rope and four of us floated it. I was the first to climb on to it and I held the pole to, how you say… push it along?"

Erik grinned, "Don’t matter how you say it, did it float?"

"Mais, oui. It sailed very well. We traveled into the swamp for maybe half of a mile. It was then that we saw it."

"What…" Joe interrupted, "The alligator, was it a big one."

"It was very large and it came toward us. It roared and snapped at us."

"Oooh…" Joe’s eyes widened and he leaned forward, hangin’ on every word. "Did it get ya?"

"Course it didn’t, Ma’s here, ain’t she?" Erik said scornfully.

"It mighta bit her a little." Joe protested.

"It was snapping at a snake…"

"In the water?" Now Erik’s eyes were even wider than his brother’s.

"Yes, you have seen them in New Orleans, they swim." Marie explained patiently.

"Yeah, quit interruptin’," Joe complained.

Erik was about to shout that he hadn’t started it, when Marie raised her hand for silence. "I will continue only if you stay quiet."

Both boys settled back on the bed with a glare at the other.

"I was watching the alligator and the snake and did not notice that my pole was stuck in the mud. I pushed hard and the raft floated away from me. I was still holding the pole very tightly because I was just a little afraid. My feet were at the edge of the raft and I fell into the water with a big noise."

Now you could have heard a pin drop in the room, even Adam was leaning forward in his chair his chin in his hands and his eyes on Marie. He remembered the times both Pa and Ma had scolded and punished him for going near the swamp, saying there were dangers. He hadn’t known just how aware Ma was of those dangers.

Seeing that her audience was transfixed she went on. "The water was not deep as we were near the bank but the mud was thick and I couldn’t move my feet easily. I have never tried so hard to run. I fell toward the mangroves and grabbed hold of the roots. I managed to pull myself on to them just as the raft bumped alongside the bank."

"Where was the ‘gator?" This time it was Adam asking, his voice soft not breaking the spell she had woven.

Marie laughed, "That was my lucky escape. He was still eating the snake and I scrambled further into the mangrove tree until my friends could rescue me. We ran all the way home."

"Boy, you were lucky." Erik was the first to find his voice.

Adam saw Marie’s expression and guessed there was more "Did you stay lucky?" he asked with a grin.

Marie shook her head in merriment. "I did not. I could not sneak into my room to change because my father’s visitors were in the hallway, so I had to go to dinner with my dress still wet and smelly from the swamp. Girls dresses and petticoats take so long to dry," she sighed.

"Did your Ma notice?" Joe asked.

"Not until I got up from my chair. The chairs were those Tante Jeanette now has. They had the cushion seats and they were covered in pale cream material when I was a girl. My chair was no longer a pretty cream, it was stained brown and so was my Sunday best dress, no longer pink but brown too. Mother was very angry but she said nothing until the visitors had left."

"I bet she said plenty then." Joe giggled.

"Yes, she did and my father was not pleased that his daughter had been to the swamp."

"Didya get punished?" Joe was first with the question on all the brothers’ lips.

"Oui, mon petit. I was not permitted to leave the house for sometime and I came to be thankful for those cushions on the chairs." Marie smiled at them all.

Adam laughed this time, relaxing a little as his stepmother had at least included him in her smile. "It’s good to know you were treated the same as we were for the same offence."

"My father was a very stern man, not like your father who indulges you." She laughed with him.

"Oh does he? I hadn’t noticed." Adam quipped making Erik and Joe roll on the bed with giggles.

"Now my children, it is time we saved the oil and went to our beds." There were groans at her announcement but no arguments.

It was still dark when Adam crept from his bed and padded quietly across to the window. He rubbed a small section of the glass and peered out. It had stopped snowing sometime during the night and although there were high drifts the street was peaceful with no wind that he could discern. He looked upwards to the velvet sky and saw that it was clear and dotted with stars. The day would be cold but there was no sign of further snow. He dressed warmly and headed out, carefully closing the door behind him. On the floor below he pulled on his outer clothes and picked up his rifle and ammunition. At the door to the street he paused and looked upwards. He had made his escape, there was a note explaining his absence and he would live with the consequences when he got back. He was sure there would be consequences regardless of whether or not his hunt was successful.

Erik was the next to stir. He had been in the middle of the bed and Adam’s absence meant that one side of him was cold. He rolled to the edge and quietly got to his feet and padded to the window. He gasped at what he saw. Below him the street was deserted except for a lone figure carrying a gun. That figure was his brother and Erik knew immediately where Adam was going. Ma was gonna be real mad when she found out. Maybe if he crept downstairs and got all the chores done the day would get off to a better start.

Breakfast was on the table before Marie noticed Adam’s absence. "Where is your brother?"

"Dunno," Joe replied and then shovelled oatmeal into his mouth in an effort to avoid further conversation.

"Erik?"

Erik shook his head vigorously. "He was gone when I woke up. He never said nuthin’ last night."

"He has gone hunting. I said, no. But he has gone." She glanced out of the window, "He will not do this."

Erik looked at Joe and they both suppressed grins. It looked like their older brother already had done this and there was nothing Ma could do about it until he got back. Erik hoped Adam would return with some venison, but any meat would be welcome.

All morning Marie was angry. She slammed down pots and pans and snapped at the two younger boys.

Joe had been planning an escape of his own but with Ma in this mood he decided it simply wasn’t worth it. "Why’s she mad at us, we ain’t done nuthin’," Joe complained when they were out of earshot in the storeroom.

"She’s worried about Adam. I sure wouldn’t want to be in his boots when he gets back. He’d better have a whole herd o’ deer." Erik winked at his little brother and they both grinned.

In fact Adam came back mid-afternoon with four rabbits, but no deer. He crept up the stairs and bumped into his brothers hiding out in the storeroom.

"What are you doing out here in the cold?" he asked.

Erik raised an eyebrow "It might be cold down here brother, but thanks to you it’s a dang sight colder upstairs."

"Oh." Adam rubbed his ear, "Ma’s pretty angry, huh Joe giggled. "She sure is."

"Yeah, them rabbits ain’t gonna save ya. I wouldn’t let her get behind ya with a wooden spoon and be thankful there ain’t no shutter slats in the house. Want me to check out how the land lies before you go up?" Erik offered.

"No, I don’t need protecting." Adam pushed past them and strode up the stairs.

"Sure ya don’t," Erik whispered.

Erik and Joe watched him disappear around the corner, then grinning at each other sneaked after him.

Adam’s confidence evaporated as he heard the banging from inside the room. He took a deep breath and pushed the door open and stepping inside made sure it was closed firmly behind him. The last thing he wanted was for his brothers to hear the chewing out he expected to receive.

Below him the two younger boys tried to hear what was said but neither Marie nor Adam raised their voices.

After all had been quiet for an hour, Erik spoke. "We gotta go up for supper. It’s Thanksgiving and we got rabbit, least I think we have, if Ma cooked ‘em."

Joe giggled as he followed Erik back up the stairs. "Bet Ma cooked goose too, Adam’s goose."

Erik pushed the door open very cautiously but all was quiet. Marie was frying potatoes over the top of the stove and a delicious smell of rabbit stew came from inside it. Adam was seated at the table, which was set for dinner. He had a book open and didn’t look up as his brothers came in.

Erik and Joe chattered through supper and Marie told more stories, but Adam never said a word. Much later when they were all in bed and Joe was sound asleep, Erik tried to find out what had happened. At first he thought Adam hadn’t heard him or didn’t intend to answer, as several seconds passed in silence.

"Ma and I just disagreed." Adam said softly, "Pa told me to look after you all while he was away and she can’t see that it’s what I’m trying to do."

"You mean you didn’t settle it?" Erik leaned up propped himself up on one elbow and surveyed his older brother and couldn’t believe that his brother hadn’t apologized. Ma had been so angry, she must have made that clear and he fully expected Adam to have been punished in some way.

"Ma told me I’m not to leave the house except for chores and I can’t do that. When we run out of meat again, I’ll have to go hunting."

Erik whistled between his teeth. "You’re gonna disobey her again?" his voice rose in disbelief.

"If I have to, yes. Now go to sleep."

Erik sighed and turned over to settle himself for sleep. It was going to be a long winter if Adam and Ma weren’t talking.

Adam lay awake for a what seemed like hours. He didn’t like what he was doing. His conversation with Ma had been difficult but he had to make her see that he was the man of the house now and he had to take care of them all just as Pa would have done. He knew he had gotten too heated and he had eventually apologized for his tone. If Pa had been here his ears would no longer be intact for the way he had spoken to her. His thoughts turned to his father. What if he didn’t come back? How would the family survive without him? How would he survive without the man who was his rock?

As the days wore on relations between Marie and Adam were uneasy. Adam tried hard to do as he was asked willingly and politely but he knew that at some point he would have to go hunting again. To appease his stepmother he used some of the small amount of cash Pa had left him to buy venison from M. Devereaux. But he knew that the money wouldn’t last much beyond Christmas if he continued to buy supplies from the Frenchman.

Christmas came and went with little celebration, it didn’t seem right without Pa. Ma tried to make it happy but her heart wasn’t in it either and she seemed so tired these days. January passed in a whirlwind of heavy snowfalls and freezing temperatures that made them huddle around the fire. Adam and Erik ventured out only for more wood and supplies from Devereaux.

Adam knew the time was drawing near when he would have to disobey Ma again and hunt. He had used almost the last of the money to buy dry goods and even Devereaux was unable to get fresh supplies of meat unless Big Dan could hunt. The weather had been too bad since Christmas to do much of anything. It was now well into February. The very next clear spell he would have to risk another confrontation with Ma. Until then they would live on root vegetables, oatmeal and bread. Adam shuddered at the thought that any day now he’d even be glad to eat carrots!

Ben Cartwright walked out into the weak winter sunlight and stretched. Sharing a room with seven other men didn’t make for comfortable sleeping quarters. The weather had cleared overnight and the sky was a brassy blue again. Ben had consulted two or three of the men at the fort and all agreed that it looked like they were in for several days free of snow. A trapper coming in from the south-east confirmed that the trail into Mormon Station was passable with care. For the fourth time since he had arrived, Ben packed the mule and his own horse with supplies and made ready to leave. If he could push on hard from dawn until dark each day, he would be able to be over the pass in three days and home in five. He prayed that it would stay clear for that long. He had been away from his family for more than three months and Marie’s time was near.

As he led his horse into the yard he saw others packing mules and horses with supplies. He tapped one man on the shoulder. "Where are you headed, Ted?"

"Oh, hello, Ben. We’ve heard nothing from Reed. He may have got through but we aren’t taking a chance. We’re mounting another rescue party to go after him."

Ben’s expression became thoughtful. He hadn’t gone on the first rescue party because he wanted to get home and he secretly hoped that there were enough men in it to effect a rescue without him. Now his conscience pricked. He was torn. He wanted to be with his family, but his family was in a valley with better weather conditions and food, shelter and neighbors. The Donner party had nothing. And there, but for the grace of God, he and his family could have been. Ben thought. Had it been fate or luck, or whatever you wanted to call it, that he had not found the wagon train all those months ago? But were the travelers alive or dead? Was a rescue in these conditions doomed to failure? He hesitated.

He’d go with the rescue party, he decided. If the weather held and the northern pass down to the Humboldt and Truckee was clear then he would go home that way. It would only take a couple of days longer. He could help carry supplies for the trapped immigrants and if there was no rescue required then he’d be halfway home.

Once the decision was made he threw himself into the preparations, trying hard not to re-consider. Marie would understand. He had to help. He would still be home to be with her for the birth.

To Ben’s horror the relief party moved very slowly taking almost three weeks to reach the point where the pass opened out on to the California side. The snow was thick and the men and mules struggled. In places a distance of two hundred yards could take hours, finally they abandoned the mules and took the packs on to their own backs. All hope Ben had of leaving the party and returning to Pueblo de las Ponderosas from the summit was lost. Alone he would never survive. He estimated that in places the snow had drifted to depths of thirty to forty feet.

Adam stood outside the trading post and looked south and west toward the mountains. It had been clear for four days now. Surely Pa was going to come down that trail soon. Two men had ridden up from Mormon Station yesterday and both had hunted in the mountains. They had brought fresh meat into the settlement but M Devereaux had bought it before any of the settlers could speak to them. Adam had finally cornered the men and they had confirmed that the pass was open for travel with mules or on foot. Adam had questioned them closely but neither had been to Sutter’s Fort and they had seen no sign of Pa.

"He shoulda been home by now, if he’s comin’, shouldn’t he?" Erik had walked up quietly behind his brother.

Adam didn’t turn around; he didn’t want his expression to give away his own fears. "A hundred things could’ve kept him. It’s still clear up there, maybe today." "Ma’s feeling tired again. She’s got a bad headache and she keeps bumping into things. She needs Pa."

Adam shook his head. "I’ll get Mrs. Haskins to come over. "Ma’s been doing too much with Pa gone. We’ve got to do more for her, make her rest."

Erik laughed, "Rather you than me brother. She chewed your head off last night for making a fuss."

Adam nodded. "And she’s going to be even more angry today, because I am going hunting again. We need meat."

"I wish Pa was home," Erik said softly.

"Me too, brother. But he’s not." Adam turned to walk across the street. "I’m going to see Mrs. Haskins and then head out."

Mrs. Haskins visit did nothing to reassure Adam. She talked with Marie for several minutes then drew Adam outside into the alley. "I think you should ride down to Mormon Station while the weather is good. See if that doctor will come," she said.

Alarm registered on Adam’s face. "She’s really sick?"

"Now, now- Mrs. Haskins patted his arm- "I’m not sure but she’s very tired and well… she’s not… look don’t worry, I’m sure its nothing but I’d like the doc to take a look at her. I’ll ask Mrs. Warren to call by too, she may know more than I do."

Adam explained to Erik and elicited a promise to keep his journey from Ma. "She doesn’t need to know, until I get back. No sense in worrying her. I’ll try to find some game on my trip so I don’t have to go out twice."

"But whadda I say if she asks where you are?" Erik whined. "You know I ain’t no good at keepin’ secrets."

Adam grinned. "Tell her I’m doing chores for Mrs. Haskins. It’s kinda true and Mrs. Haskins will back me up. I’ll be back late, so don’t worry if I don’t make supper."

Erik frowned. "Ma’s sure to get upset if you ain’t back for supper."

"Then make supper late. Do I have to think of everything?" Adam grumbled. Erik turned away, hurt. "Take care," he muttered under his breath.

Upstairs, Joe was sitting on the window seat staring out. "Where’s Adam going?"

"Never you mind," Erik snapped.

Joe jumped down from his perch and confronted his brother. "He’s goin’ huntin’ again, ain’t he? Ma ain’t gonna like it." There was a certain amount of glee in the nine-year-old’s tone. "She sure ripped into him last time."

"No, he ain’t huntin’, he’s doin’ chores for Mrs. Haskins," Erik explained. Joe’s eyes widened. He couldn’t see why anyone would do chores when they weren’t their own.

"Shhh…" Erik put a finger to his lips. "You’ll upset Ma, he don’t want her to know he’s gone."

Joe’s eyes lit up, there was more here than Erik was telling and he intended to find out just what before Adam got back. His thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door of the attic room.

Erik swung it open and Mrs. Haskins stepped inside.

"No wonder your ma is all tired out with all them steps to climb every time she wants something," she complained. "You two boys go do your chores and I’ll sit with your ma for a while."

"How come Adam’s doing chores for you, Ma’am? He ain’t finished his chores here yet."

"Joe! It ain’t polite to ask them things."

Mrs. Haskins smiled. "It’s alright Erik. Adam’s helping me out with a little errand, because of the snow. He’ll be back soon."

Mrs. Haskins went behind the dividing curtain and sat down beside Marie. She didn’t want to tell the boys but she was very worried. Marie hadn’t known exactly when the baby was due but Mrs. Haskins was sure she should be showing more by now. It must be a very small baby. These headaches and tiredness weren’t normal either. Mrs. Haskins had five children and even with her last she hadn’t been as tired as Marie seemed to be.

She stroked Marie’s hair back from her forehead. There was no fever but her color was high. Marie stirred in her sleep and Mrs. Haskins took her hand to reassure her. Marie’s fingers were swollen and her gold wedding band was cutting into her flesh. Mrs. Haskins got up and went to the end of the bed, lifting the covers she noted that the girl’s ankles were also puffy and swollen. She had seen these symptoms once before and the girl and her baby had died. She walked to the window and looked out in the street. Adam would not be back for another three hours whether with or without the doctor. And where was Ben Cartwright? It had been fine weather for days now. Her eyes lifted to the mountains. Maybe he was lying dead up there; he wouldn’t be the first. The woman in the bed might not make it either and then these three boys would be alone. What would become of them?

Marie awoke with a start, "How… how long have I been sleeping?"

Mrs. Haskins smiled. "Most of the afternoon, it’s almost dark." She looked at the girl’s flushed face, the sleep had done her little good; there were still dark smudges under her eyes.

Marie sat up and rubbed her eyes. "I can’t wake, the room is smoky."

Mrs. Haskins shook her head. "There is no smoke; the fire is burning red for the cooking."

"Yes, I must cook supper." Marie made to swing her legs over the edge of the bed and winced.

"What is it, my dear?"

"I have a pain, here." She clutched at a point just below her ribs.

"Lie back and rest, I’ll see to a meal for the boys."

To Mrs. Haskins surprise, Marie did as she was bid. This was so unlike the Marie she knew. She had also not asked after her sons and this told her neighbor that she was truly ill.

Mrs. Haskins busied herself with preparing a few vegetables, all the time keeping an eye on the sick woman. Just as she was lifting the stew from the fire, there was a clatter of boots on the steps and Erik and Joe burst into the room.

"Is supper ready, Ma?" Joe shouted.

"Shhhh…" Mrs. Haskins shook a warning finger at him. "Your ma is asleep."

"She’s always asleep," Joe complained. He looked around the room. "Where’s Adam? Its dark and we’ve done all his chores."

"He’ll be back soon."

"Back from where?" Joe demanded.

"Little boys should be seen and not heard," Mrs. Haskins told him. "Now set the table for me."

Joe continued to grumble that it was Adam’s turn as he doled out plates to each place.

"You stayin’ to supper, Ma’am?" Erik asked.

Mrs. Haskins hesitated and looked toward the bed. "I’ll stay until your brother gets home," she replied, hoping that the doctor would take over when he arrived.

All three turned to the door as footsteps were heard on the stairs. Not knowing of Adam’s errand, Joe rushed to complain about the chores and was surprised when Adam ignored him.

Mrs. Haskins took one look at the boy’s face and knew that it was not good news. "Come by the fire, you must be half frozen," her voice was full of concern for him but anxious for news.

"There is no doctor," Adam said, his voice expressionless. "There’s no one in Mormon Station who even knew where there was one."

"But we heard…" Mrs. Haskins started.

"He was passing through last summer, stayed a few weeks and then moved on. Folks weren’t even sure he was a real doctor."

"Why do we want a doctor?" Joe asked, he couldn’t recall any of them ever seeing a doctor. Ma always looked after them… Ma… "It’s Ma, ain’t it? He grabbed at Adam’s sleeve. "You went for Ma?"

Mrs. Haskins reached out and pulled Joe to her. "Your Ma’s not well but she’s gonna be fine when this baby comes. Now you eat up your supper and I’ll take care of her."

Joe was placated for a while, Mrs. Haskins was real old, so she must know. He trusted her and he trusted Adam and his older brother was setting an example and sitting down to a bowl of vegetable stew.

Adam was cold and hungry. The ride had been hard on both him and his horse. He had walked a good part where the snow was deep and layered over ice. He wanted to ask how Marie was faring but he feared the answer. Once he had eaten he went over to the bed and called out quietly, "May I come in."

Mrs. Haskins answered and held the curtain aside. As Adam approached the bed he was aware of the smell of sickness and astonished at the change in his stepmother since the morning. Her hands, which plucked restlessly at the quilt, were swollen and mottled and her eyes sunken. She moaned in obvious pain and he backed away. He looked questioningly across the bed at Mrs. Haskins.

"I don’t know," she whispered, sensing his unasked question. "You take your brothers over to my house, tell my husband to make them up a bed for the night. I’ll stay here with your ma."

"You want me to come back?" Adam whispered in return, half hoping she would say no.

"Yes, I may need you to run errands. Call Mrs. Warren on your way back, ask her to come."

Adam nodded and, with one more look at Marie, he fled - glad to be out of the room. Erik and Joe were clearing dishes as he came back to the table. "Leave that, I’ll finish it." Both of his brothers looked up in surprise. "Erik, take Joe over to Mrs. Haskins cabin and tell Mr. Haskins that Ma is sick and his wife said that you could stay there for the night."

Joe’s eyes widened. "I ain’t leavin’ Ma." He made to go to the curtained-off bed.

Adam caught his arm, pulling his little brother to him he turned Joe to face him. "Ma needs you to be brave right now. She needs rest and with three of us moving around and talking she can’t sleep. I promise I won’t leave her and I’ll make sure you know the minute she is feeling better."

Joe swallowed a lump in his throat. "She ain’t gonna die, is she?"

Adam licked his lips nervously. Joe deserved the truth but he was so young. "No, of course not, she’ll be fine once the baby comes." He decided that it wasn’t really a lie, since no one could know for sure whether Marie would live or die. "You go with Erik and help Mr. Haskins in the morning. I’m sure Ma’ll be fine by then and maybe we’ll have a baby brother or sister."

As Erik gathered together the things they would need for the night he managed to get Adam to a corner out of Joe’s hearing. "Was that the truth?"

"What?" Adam tried to play innocent.

"Ma and the baby are going to be alright?"

"I don’t know, brother. Mrs. Haskins doesn’t either." Adam sighed and glanced toward the curtain.

Erik swallowed hard and then gripped Adam’s arm. "Your ma died when you were born, didn’t she? Lots of women do."

Adam didn’t want to think about that. "Lots don’t," he snapped. "You just take care of Joe and leave me to worry." He gave Erik a weak smile, to soften his words. "I’m doing enough worrying for all of us. I sure wish Pa was here."

After his brothers had gone, Adam walked across the street to fetch Mrs. Warren. He didn’t want to go back but he knew had to, he had promised Joe he wouldn’t leave Ma.

It was the longest night of Adam’s young life. The two neighbors asked him for coffee or bowls of water a time or two but otherwise he was left alone. Occasionally he would hear one of them moving around or a soft moan from Ma but mostly it was just silence. He sat by the fire with his head bowed and prayed. He sure had given Ma a hard time when she had first come into their lives but all he wanted now was for her get up and scold him or hug him. He didn’t care much which as long as she was alive.

In the hour before dawn his thoughts turned to his father. Why wasn’t he here? What had happened to him? In his worst moments he imagined his father dead; frozen up there in the mountains. For the first time he wished they had never come west. Dawn broke as he was planning what to do if both parents died. The first red and orange streaks suggested that more snow was imminent and he knew his father would not come now.

He got to his feet and stretched. The fire had burned low and he added kindling and a log or two to bring it back up. The water had frozen in the pail overnight and he stood the whole pail on top of the stove to thaw. He had just begun to gather the makings for coffee when there was a low moan from behind the curtain. It was followed by several more. He hesitated. He wanted to know what was happening but was too afraid to drawback the curtain. He was about to be brave when Mrs. Warren appeared.

Hetty Warren was a small fussy woman, not at all like strong practical Mrs. Haskins. Now she was wringing her hands and looking very upset.

"Is Ma gonna be alright?" Adam blurted out, forgetting his manners and the good morning at the start of the day.

"Go fetch Mr. Haskins and then you stay with your brothers." Mrs. Warren was as abrupt as he had been.

"I said I wouldn’t leave her."

"You can do no good here, son." Mrs. Warren’s voice was gentler now.

Adam shook his head. "I’ll fetch Mr. Haskins but then I’m coming back. I promised I wouldn’t leave her."

Mrs. Warren didn’t wait to see him leave; she turned and went back to the bed. Adam watched as she went back to Marie and shuddered as he heard Mrs. Haskins say, "He may not want to leave her but she may be leaving him."

Adam hurried down the stairs and across the street. It was barely light and he found Mr. Haskins, still dressing. His brothers were sound asleep and he did not wake them. "Your wife says for you to come."

Haskins nodded. It was as if he half expected the summons. As they walked back across the street, Adam wondered what Mr. Haskins could do that he couldn’t. Entering the room again, he was soon to discover why he had been encouraged to stay away.

Mrs. Haskins emerged from behind the blanket curtain by the bed. "Poor little mite, she never stood a chance," the woman whispered as she handed a small bundle wrapped in a sheet to her husband.

Adam felt sick as he watched Mr. Haskins tenderly take the tiny body from his wife. He must have made a noise, as Mrs. Haskins looked up, startled.

"Oh… you shouldn’t be here," she said softly. "I’m sorry, there was nothing we could do."

Adam swallowed several times and eventually found his voice. "Ma…?"

"We won’t be sure for several hours, maybe longer, but she’s sleeping now." Mrs. Haskins put her arm around him and led him to a chair. He didn’t even notice Mr. Haskins leaving the room and it was several days before he thought to ask what had happened to the baby.

All day Adam alternated between doing essential chores and watching the curtained-off portion of the room. He spent a short time with his brothers but told them no more than that Ma was still sick. Joe implored his brother to let him see their mother but Adam remained firm. When Joe could see that Adam was immovable he resorted to a childish tantrum yelling that he hated his older brother. Worried and hurt, Adam returned to the attic to wait.

"Hate’s a mighty strong word, Joe," Erik said gently. "You know Adam wouldn’t do anything to hurt ya. He’s jus’ tryin’ to stop us worryin’. He’ll take care of Ma like as if Pa was here."

Joe suddenly slumped down on to a bench and sighed. "Why ain’t Pa here?"

Erik turned away; secretly he felt the same. Pa should be here with them. "Pa’d be here if he could. Somethin’ must’ve stopped him, likely the snow. Its real deep in the mountains, Adam said so."

Joe wasn’t buying it. "I don’t care what Adam says. He don’t know everything. He’s gotten real bossy since Pa left."

Erik couldn’t argue with that. Adam had become overbearing lately, especially since Ma had been ill. He sat down on the bench next to his little brother and rested his elbows on his knees. "Pa’ll be home soon and things’ll be the same as before."

Joe brightened. "Yeah, Adam’ll be in trouble for sassing Ma the way he did and for huntin’ when she said not to."

"Maybe she won’t tell," Erik suggested.

Joe’s eyes widened. "She’s gonna be alright, ain’t she?"

"Sure she is," Erik responded but then both boys slumped on the bench as the reality hit them. Maybe Ma wouldn’t get well. Maybe Pa wouldn’t come home. Maybe Adam would be in charge forever!

Adam was wondering the same thing as he sat at the table and stared into space. It was one thing to help Ma with his brothers while Pa was a way for a week and while she was sick he had handled that too, but to be responsible for Erik and Joe if … well, if Ma died and Pa didn’t come back… He was eighteen, there was so much he wanted to do, places he wanted to see. He was so wrapped in his thoughts that he didn’t hear Mrs. Haskins approach and he jumped when she spoke.

"Your Ma’s feeling a bit better. She’s asking for you."

Marie’s recovery was very slow, both physically and mentally. No one mentioned the baby, especially Erik and Joe, who made a point of disappearing every time Ma got weepy. Adam tried to support her as best he could, but she needed Pa and Adam was beginning to give up hope in that direction.

A little over two weeks after the death of the baby he was sitting at the table counting out the money he had left; seventeen cents. He piled it up and looked at it, then sighed. It wasn’t going to grow in front of his eyes. He’d already checked the cupboard - two potatoes, a handful of cornmeal and a little flour and oatmeal. He’d tried hunting yesterday but had come home empty handed. In the past few weeks he had done odd jobs for Monsieur Devereaux in return for supplies but the hours he worked never seemed to be enough to feed four. Mr. Haskins had told him that in his first winter out here his family had eaten almost anything from mesquite beans to rat. Adam had tried the mesquite beans on his brothers. Joe had flatly refused to eat them and Erik had chewed them, made faces and finally conceded that he’d eat them if he had to but he didn’t have to like them. Rat… Adam sniffed, he’d have to be desperate to eat a rat… what the heck, they were desperate, maybe he could disguise it! They’d eaten squirrel often enough, what was so different?

He looked up as his two brothers burst into the room laughing and talking. "Shh… Ma’s sleeping."

Both boys immediately quieted down and glanced over their shoulders at the bed.

"Monsieur Devereaux sent ya a note." Erik held out an envelope to his older brother. "He said he met a man that come over the mountains, but he never said nothin’ about Pa. It means he’ll be home soon though, don’t it?"

Adam took the envelope from his brother’s outstretched hand but ignored the question. He no longer believed Pa would be coming home, but he hadn’t yet screwed up enough courage to voice his thoughts to his brothers or Ma. Let them come to the conclusion on their own, maybe by then he’d have figured out a way to earn enough to keep them all.

The note was brief, written in Devereaux’ spidery hand and composed in poor English. In essence it said that Alain Gremont, the man Erik had referred to, was a friend of Devereaux’ and he had just come in from the coast having passed through Sutter’s Fort and that there was no sign of Ben Cartwright either on the trail or at the Fort.

Adam’s fears were confirmed. Pa had tried to come home and hadn’t made it. He was lying up there somewhere in the mountains and likely his body would never be found, wolves, cougar, all manner of predators would see to that. He swallowed hard and put his head in his hands. How could he tell his brothers and Ma?

"You okay, Adam?" Erik asked, reaching for the note.

Adam snatched it away and stuffed it in his pocket. "Yeah, yeah. Monsieur Devereaux is just reminding me I’ve forgotten to do a couple of things for him. I must go over there now." He decided to talk to Devereaux and this Gremont first and put off saying anything until tonight at least.

"You finished your chores?" he asked as he got to his feet and turning away from his brothers headed for the stairs.

Erik shook his head "We’ll get to ‘em."

Adam had reached the storeroom, his brothers at his heels. Brothers arguing or shirking chores was the last straw. "You’ll do them now!" he demanded.

They emerged into the red-gold light of the setting sun and Joe squinted up at his brother. Adam sure sounded mad.

His older brother saw the look and he raised his voice a little more. "And have you fetched the kindling for the morning?" he asked pointing his finger at Joe’s chest.

Joe shrugged. "I can’t, Erik ain’t split it yet."

"Well do it now." Adam was getting riled.

Erik leaned back against the wall, his older brother seemed to get riled real easy these days. "We don’t need it ‘til morning and anyhow how come you get to order me around."

"Because I’m the oldest and it’s my responsibility to take care of the family. Now do as I say and get the chores finished," he snapped back

"You don’t get it do ya, brother?" Erik moved closer "You ain’t bigger no more. You gotta ask me… real nice. You ain’t Pa." He poked his brother in the chest with a finger.

The mention of Pa was the final straw. Five months of being cooped up with his brothers in one room; five months of responsibility and worry; the money, the food, the hunting, the heating; Ma’s illness, the baby and now the note all exploded in Adam’s head. He had expected things to get better but they had only gotten worse. His coping mechanisms failed him and his emotions ran out of control. He didn’t even realise he had hit his brother until Erik came barreling back at him and they both fell to the ground.

Joe stepped back in shock. His brothers often teased and occasionally lost their tempers with one another but Pa was always around to stop any real damage being done. This was a real fight and one in which the two clearly intended to harm each other. "Stop it," he yelled, but his voice was lost on the protagonists. He reached out and pulled at Erik’s shirt but his brother brushed him aside as if he was an annoying fly. He stumbled backwards into the bottom step of the staircase and sat down heavily in the mud.

Suddenly a flash of green caught his eye and a voice came down from above. "Adam! Erik! You will stop this." Ma was standing halfway down the flight of stairs.

When there was no change in the situation, she completed her journey to the alley and picked up the broom that was leaning against the wall. With no fear or favor she swatted both her stepsons and then pushed the broom between them.

"Stop this. Maintenant!" Her voice was loud and forceful and something in it or the pressure of the broom, which was applied again to both, brought them to their senses.

They separated; both wiping at mouths and noses, where the most damaged had been done.

"Go upstairs," Ma said, sternly. "We will not discuss our business in the street." She stood aside to allow both boys to pass her. Then turning to her youngest she issued more orders.

"Bring up the kindling and some logs, Joseph."

Joe gulped. "Erik ain’t cut none," he whispered.

Ma’s eyes flashed fire. "You know how to use the ax, do you not?"

His frightened eyes fastened on his mother’s face, Joe nodded.

"Then do so."

"Y… yes, Ma’am." Joe scuttled away and breathed a sigh of relief when he was out of sight and out of reach.

The older boys walked up the stairs slowly, both considering their position. Erik knew he shouldn’t have pushed Adam so hard, it hadn’t been fair, when his brother had done so much this winter. Adam knew he shouldn’t have hit first. In all his years as the oldest he couldn’t remember having been the first one to land a punch in anger on either brother. Pa would’ve had his hide. Pa… oh Pa. Why? In his sorrow and anguish he sank into a chair as soon as he reached the attic and dropped his head into his hands.

Ma’s hand descended on to his shoulder. "You will both clean up. When you are done you will sit at the table and think about what happened. Then we will talk." She spoke softly now. "Adam, earlier I heard you speak of a note from M. Devereaux. Give it to me, please."

Adam wiped a hand across his face as he stood up. "Ma’am… it is nothing…"

"Give it to me, please. I wish to know what he writes."

Still Adam hesitated, but she was having none of it.

"I do not wish to ask again," she insisted.

Reluctantly he reached into his pocket and handed over the slip of paper.

"Merci. Now go wash."

Adam tried to keep an eye on Marie as she read the note but he could tell nothing from her expression.

"You fight about this, perhaps?" she asked holding up the note.

Erik shook his head "No Ma’am." Then glancing at his older brother, "He didn’t even show it to me."

"Ah…" Marie folded the note again.

"Then you will tell me why you fight? It is not good for brothers to fight. I am ashamed of you. Your father would be too."

"It was my fault, Ma’am. I lost my temper," Adam offered. He held out a hand to his brother.

"Nah, I was baitin’ him. It was my fault," Erik replied taking his brother’s hand and squeezing it. "Sorry, brother. You were right we should have done the chores afore now."

"We are all tired from the winter. I talk to Mrs. Haskins, out here they call it cabin fever. It makes everyone short tempered, no?"

Erik and Adam nodded. Maybe Ma wasn’t as angry as she had appeared.

"Go now and finish the chores and then we will talk. There are some things we need to discuss." As Adam made to say more, she held up a hand. "Later, it is a family matter. We will all listen and work things out. You have been alone long enough."

When they returned with wood for the fire, Marie had set out the plates for supper. "We eat first then we talk." She waved them to their chairs.

Adam looked with interest at the covered plate she brought to the table. As far as he knew there was nothing to eat except maybe a bowl of oatmeal each. Marie placed the plate on the table and uncovered it. It was piled high with little round cakes fried golden brown. She divided them giving three to each of the boys and two for herself.

Joe poked at them with his fork, then cut into one, suspicious of the green flecks in it. "What’s that?"

Marie shook her head, "You do not ask, you eat. There are many people who would be pleased to have so much."

Erik had been the first to take a bite. "Hey, they’re good."

Adam followed his lead and he too nodded his approval. Finally, Joe took a bite and grudgingly admitted it tasted all right.

Marie smiled. It had been an experiment to use the cornmeal for fritters and to add saved bacon fat and some herbs she had found behind the house. They weren’t very nourishing but they would fill empty stomachs for now. There was the last of the oatmeal for breakfast and she would speak to Mrs. Haskins tomorrow. She had two fast growing daughters who might like some of Marie’s dresses, after all she could only wear one at a time and one in the wash. Mrs. Warren’s oldest was expecting a baby next month; she’d try to sell the baby clothes she had made too. There would be no need of them now.

When the dishes were cleared away she beckoned the boys to sit again. "We have to decide what we should do now. Adam has been working for Monsieur Devereaux but it is not enough to keep us. Erik, you and I will have to find work and Joseph you will have to take over more of the chores."

All three looked at her in surprise.

"Ma you can’t work. You are too weak after…" Adam’s voice dried up, he couldn’t say it. "Erik and I can take care of things."

"Me too," Joe piped up.

Marie shook her head "There is not enough work here for you all. There are too many men and too little to do. But I can cook and sew for the men. They will pay well for this. Monsieur Devereaux doesn’t do this."

"Pa won’t like you working." Erik threw a glance at Adam, why hadn’t he said something.

"No, he would not, but he is not here and we must eat."

Joe picked up an atmosphere that seemed to exist between his mother and his brothers. His eyes moved quickly around the group. "What is it? What ain’t you tellin’ me? Pa is coming back, ain’t he?"

Adam licked his lips nervously. "It’s been a long time Joe. He…"

"Of course he will return once the snow has gone," Marie spoke quickly and rested a hand on her youngest son’s.

Adam avoided pointing out that the snow had cleared at least twice over the winter and the pass had been open for almost a week now.

"What happened this afternoon," Marie said slowly, her eyes moving from Adam to Erik, "is not to happen again. You are brothers, and must work together. Your father would not like to hear of this. I know it has been hard for you, so I will say no more this time."

Adam waited until his brothers were in bed before saying more. He had banked the fire for the night and was gazing thoughtfully out of the window when Marie approached him.

"Tomorrow we will talk to Monsieur Devereaux perhaps he knows how we can get news," she said softly.

Adam turned toward her/ "You still believe he will come home?"

"I know it… Adam, I love your father, I know he will come if he can. He loves all of you so much. He would never desert you."

"He may not be able to come, he may be …"

A slim finger touched his lips. "He will come."

The snow was receding at last, patches of brown earth showed along the trails and the compound at Sutter’s Fort was now a quagmire as wagons and horses made ready for journeys long delayed. The south pass was reported as full of snow but open. Ben Cartwright loaded his mule yet again and tightened the girth on his saddle. He mounted slowly and glanced around him. He had been away from home for six months; so much had happened in that time that he doubted he’d ever be the same man he had been in the fall. He saw other men preparing to head out, men he had shared traumatic experiences with only weeks ago. He saw young children, still gaunt from their ordeal and he remembered the harrowing journey back from the pass. The sights he had seen still haunted his every waking hour and filled his nights with horrific dreams. He turned his back on the Fort and headed east. He would not think of it again. He would look forward to seeing his family, his fit healthy sons, his beautiful wife and soon a new baby, the future. He need never see these faces again, he never wanted to see California again either.

He rode fast and pushed his mount and the pack mule hard. He had left money for Adam to use in an emergency but he had expected to be back within weeks or even days not months. How had the boy coped? Had the weather been as fierce east of the Sierras, or had the valley escaped the winter storms? The boys knew how to hunt but they didn’t know the area and they were young, too young for the responsibility he had thrown on to their shoulders. He wanted to be home.

As he rode he made plans, anything to keep his mind occupied and shut out those images. He’d stay east of the mountains; there was good grazing land, timber and water all for the asking. The war with Mexico was over and large parcels of land were being sold off cheaply taken by the government from the Mexicans as reparation. He would find work, save hard and soon they would have a cabin and a farm. He reached the summit in three days and paused only long enough to say a silent prayer that the snow was only a few feet deep and the animals could manage it with care. A few miles further on he could see the blue of the big lake sparkling in the distance, one more small pass to negotiate and he’d be in Marie’s arms.

As he rode into the valley south of the settlement the snow lessened and he picked his way through mud and puddles. Smoke in the distance, then misty outlines of buildings then the main street. Almost there. The street was busy but through a haze he saw three figures walking toward the trading post. They were there. They were safe. He wanted to dismount and run towards them. He was undecided, then the middle one of the group looked up and shouted. There was no need for him to run, just dismount before the whirlwind startled the horse. The smallest of the figures was hurtling toward him at breakneck speed.

"Pa! Pa!" The shrill voice echoed down the street as the curly haired youngster threw himself into Ben’s arms. The hug was heartfelt on both sides and Ben felt that he never wanted to let the boy go.

Erik was next and although he approached a little more slowly the hug was no less intense.

Adam hung back a little, never one to show his feelings so easily. So much had happened in Pa’s absence that at was as if there was a barrier between them. Things that needed to be said before Adam could welcome him properly.

Ben noticed the reticence but as soon as his younger sons released him he reached out for his eldest and pulled him into an embrace. "It’s good to see you, son. Thank you."

"For what?" Adam said, hoarsely. When Pa knew that the baby had died and that there was no food he wouldn’t be thanking him.

"For taking care of the family. I thought about you everyday." He smiled as he released Adam. "Now where’s your mother? It’s been a long time."

"Pa … before we go home there’s something … something I need to tell you," Adam choked out.

At his serious tone and sad expression, Ben stopped in mid-stride.

"Erik why don’t you take Joe and let Ma know Pa’s home," Adam added.

Erik looked from one to the other. "Sure, we’ll do that. C’mon Joe."

Joe was reluctant to let go of his father now that he was home but he allowed himself to be dragged away by his older brother.

Ben moved to the side of the street and caught Adam’s arm. "What is it? She’s all right isn’t she?"

Adam nodded. "She’s fine now, well… maybe not fine, but better."

"Better? She’s been sick again?"

There was no easy way to say it. "The baby died, Pa. About four weeks ago."

Ben’s mouth dropped open. He swallowed hard. "Oh, no."

Adam watched as his father’s shoulders slumped and his face showed lines that had not been there before. Now, looking at the face he knew and loved so well Adam could see an anguish far worse than anything he had known before. Maybe the insight was because he now understood some of the burdens his father carried.

"Marie?"

Adam thought back to the evening a few days ago when Ma had shown such spirit about their problems. "She’s fine now, tired but doing better every day. Pa… I’m sorry. I wish there had been something I could have done."

Ben put an arm around his son’s shoulders. "I’m sure you did all you could, son. I should have been here."

As they walked back toward the storehouse and Adam thought he heard his father mutter under his breath. "I should have been here."

Marie was trying to wash shirts when her two younger sons burst into the room.

"Pa’s home!" Joe yelled at the top of his voice.

She spun around spraying soapy water everywhere as her hands flew to her face in shock.

" Sacre bleu! You are sure of this?" She turned to Erik for confirmation.

"Yep, he’s coming up now with Adam," Erik confirmed, grinning. "He’s got lots o’ supplies with him too."

Marie froze for a second then looked down at her wet apron and her hand went to her hair, which was coming loose in strands around her hot face. She felt so tired and unfeminine and here was her husband coming home after five months away. She quickly pulled off the apron and tossed it on a chair and patted her hair in the hope that it would stay in place. All thoughts of her appearance were thrown to the winds as Ben walked through the door. She fell into his arms with tears streaming down her face.

Adam caught Joe by the shoulders. "C’mon buddy let’s go finish off the chores we started."

"But I want to be with Pa," Joe whined.

Erik had already started for the stairs taking the hint in his brother eyes.

"Not now, Joe. We can talk to him later, let Ma have her time with him first, huh?"

Joe still hung back but Adam turned him around and propelled him toward the stairs. So caught up in their own emotions, neither parent was aware of anyone else in the room.

It took several days for the routine to reassert itself but gradually they all settled back into their familiar roles, all except Adam. He found it difficult to let go of his responsibilities and he and his father began to butt heads. Ben too seemed less tolerant than he had been before he went away. The new supplies supplemented by the meat and fish they could procure for themselves made life easier.

No mention was made of moving on until the first wagons began to arrive in the settlement in early June. A small group of wagons had arrived in the middle of the day and the boys had spent the better part of the afternoon talking with the new arrivals. Now at supper the chatter was mostly about their new- found friends.

"See Pa, Mr. Orowitz says he’s bought a piece of land in the valley for a farm, but he don’t know if he’s gonna work it now. He’s always been a storekeeper and he thinks the town could use a store," Erik explained.

"He had a boy same age as me and a girl as old as Erik, but they died," Joe added.

Ben glanced at his wife, but she was listening and did not seemed upset by this talk of children dying. "Seems you got to know this Mr. Orowitz real well."

"We could certainly use another store. Monsieur Devereaux has increased his prices again and there is nowhere else," Marie joined in the conversation as she served up a rabbit stew.

"I’d like to see a new store, it might provide some employment. If we are to save up to buy land we will need to work," Ben replied.

Adam listened with growing alarm. Pa had not said they wouldn’t be here to care whether there was another store. He hadn’t mentioned joining the wagons that were going on to California. In fact he seemed to be implying that they would be staying here. He remembered the other times he had questioned his father about California, he hadn’t always received a sympathetic hearing. Should he broach the subject or leave it alone?

"Pa…" he said slowly, "aren’t we going with this train to California?"

Ben turned and spoke sharply. "They are taking the northern route once they have provisioned. We won’t be going with them."

Adam froze, a spoonful of stew halfway to his lips. Since Pa had come back from California you never knew which way he would jump. Sometimes he was his old self, laughing and teasing, and at others he could snap your head off without warning. But never one to avoid the issue, Adam plunged on. "Then we’ll go with the first wagons going south, huh?"

"I’ll decide that when the time comes. I know you’ve gotten used to making the decisions but I’m back now and I’ll decide what’s best for this family. I’ve seen California, there is nothing there that we don’t have here."

Erik glanced at his brother. Pa was getting angry and Adam would do well to leave it be.

"But Pa, you said we’d go to California. It’s always been…"

Ben got to his feet and slammed a hand down on the table making the crockery rattle. "Are you daring to question me? It seems that while I was away you forgot who heads this family. Forgot your manners too, no doubt."

Marie reached a hand out to cover her husband’s in an effort to calm him, but he snatched his away.

Adam rose to his feet too and faced his father across the table. He was about to retaliate when he caught his stepmother’s eye. She was doing her best to signal a warning and after a moment’s hesitation he heeded it. He relaxed his combative stance and took a breath before speaking. "I’m sorry, sir." If he had left it at that all might have been well, but he could not. "I was simply asking if you intended to keep your promise."

Marie closed her eyes and willed herself a million miles away. Erik’s jaw dropped open and Joe simply stared at his brother as if he had two heads.

For a second it looked as if Ben would strike his son, but years of learning to control his temper paid off and he turned and left the room, the door slamming behind him.

Adam was breathing hard and he leaned heavily on the table, then looked up into Marie’s eyes. "I didn’t mean…"

"I’ll see what I can do," she said softly. "But I suggest you start thinking before you speak and right now you think about how you are going to apologize." She got up and followed her husband down the stairs and into the alley.

Once the door had closed again Erik spoke. "You sure do know how to get on his bad side since he got back."

Adam sank down into his chair. "I’ve a feeling it’s going to take more than an apology to put this right. But he’s always said we would go to California, now for some reason he wants to stay here. There is nothing here!"

Erik began to clear the table. "Maybe there ain’t nuthin’ in California neither. Pa’s been there, we ain’t. Let it go, brother. Pa always knows what’s best."

Adam sighed. "Yeah, he always has up to now." He’d been his own man for five months it was hard to go back to being the boy that Pa obviously saw. He swallowed his pride and agreed. "I’ll apologize when he comes back and I’ll accept the lecture I guess I deserve."

Erik grinned, he preferred it when Pa and Adam were not at loggerheads - it made life so much more peaceful for everyone.

Marie caught Ben as he stood at the entrance to the alley staring up toward the mountains. "He didn’t mean it the way it sounded. He has been the man around here for so many weeks that he is finding it hard to accept that he does not make the decisions anymore."

At first she thought he hadn’t heard her but then he turned around. "I know," he whispered. "It shouldn’t have been that way. I should have come back sooner."

Marie touched his cheek with her hand. "You did what you had to. He would understand if you explained."

"No!" The word exploded from Ben. "I never want to talk of it, especially to our sons. I saw things too terrible to imagine. It could have been us, our sons that were carried out half starved or worse."

Marie slipped an arm around his waist. "It was not. The memories will fade, the nightmares will stop."

He shook his head. "I’m not so sure. I saw things no man should ever see. I carried a boy no older than Joseph out of that hellhole. Heaven alone knows what he saw. His parents died there."

Marie felt him shake as he spoke.

His eyes went up to the distant mountains again. "I’ll never forget what I saw there. They look so beautiful and yet they hide such terrible secrets."

"They are beautiful, they will always be so," she said softly. "If you wish to stay here then we will do so, but not because the mountains have changed."

He turned and held her close. "I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you."

"Shh…." She put a finger to his lips. "You could have done nothing that was not done." Suddenly she pulled away and pointed to the sky. "An eagle, see. He flies so free across the mountains. Someday you will cross them as easily. You are strong like this land, like the eagle."

Ben watched the eagle soar away into the blue sky and wondered would he ever exorcise the ghosts of this winter. Then taking Marie’s hand he walked slowly back up the staircase to his family.

THE END