by
MyLady2
Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program
"Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and
have been used without permission. No copyright
infringement is intended by the author.
The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.
Three witches are known in legend for the disaster they brought upon a
house, a loyal subject, and a king. Three witches who will now bring their
lunacies and prophecies upon a house in the new world and the West. The house
of Barkley and one loyal man … a Barkley son … will be the subject of their
spells. That Barkley son is … Heath Morgan Thomson Barkley Esquire, sort
of...
A
cold icy wind whipped through the french doors as they slapped open into the
room, whirling leaves and bits of dirt from the porch flew in and laid claim to
the rug covered floor. The blond rancher scurried to the doors to secure them
but a woman pushed herself in as if blown by the wind and fell into Heath arms,
fainting dead away.
She
had long blonde hair and was wearing a green dress. Heath recognized it as one of his sister Audra's dresses. He
carried the woman to the red sofa in the room.
"Boy howdy! Miss? Wake up, Miss." Heath gently tried to awaken the blonde beauty with a few light taps on her face. Her sapphire eyes fluttered open, she sprang up and grabbed at his tan vest, clutching the lapels in her dainty hands.
"You
have to help me you have to, please!"
Her eyes filling with heavy tears.
"Yes
ma'am, be glad to but, what can I help ya with?"
"I'm
being chased! A man; he's after me! You must stop him! A man dressed all in black; his eyes! You should see his eyes! They shine with
evil! And his voice, like the devil's
own, deep and gruff! Oh please you must
save me from him!"
"Who is he?"
"I
don't know, I've never seen him before but he follows me every where."
"He
follows you everywhere? But you've
never seen him before. How do you know it's him?"
"Because
of the bells. He jingles bells when he
walks."
"Like
Santa Claus?"
"No
of course not....There! Do you hear
that? It's him! You have to hide me! Please!"
Before
Heath could stop the blonde she ran out of the room into the foyer. "Hey wait lady! Don't go!" Heath yelled, hot on her trail. But the beautiful woman disappeared as fast
as she came, nowhere to be found.
The
front door burst opened and Nick Barkley strode confidently in, wearing his
black leather jacket, (looking very fetching indeed), his spurs digging a
jangling tune into the bare floor as he walked.
"Hell
of a night Boy! Where is everybody?" He pulled off his wet black leather
gloves and slammed the door shut. The rain had made all his clothes shiny like
the black patent leather shoes Catholic school girls weren't allowed to
wear.
"You
didn't happen to see a beautiful blonde woman run pass here didja?"
"A
beautiful blonde eh? No, I woulda
remembered that! Ya let her go? Boy
what is yer problem?" He barked,
ever so passionately. "Sometimes
I think yer dumber than a post when it comes to women. I'm gonna take a bath and get this trail
dust offa me, I got dirt in places I didn't know had places!" Nick complained as he took the stairs two
at a time, showing off his tight fitting dark pants with every step. (again looking very fetching)
The
large oak door flew open again with a rumble, sending the big hideous planter
in the corner, crashing to the floor, spilling dirt on the rug. A woman dressed in an awful yellow traveling
dress, that even Audra Barkley wouldn't be caught dead in, bounded into the
house. She dived to pick up the dirt
that had fallen from the planter and smeared it on Heath's face as she attacked
him with smothering kisses.
"AHHH,
Barkley dirt! I love Barkley
dirt!!!" The dark haired molester continued to earnestly kiss Heath, but
when she started to use her tongue, he pushed her away.
"Whoa
lady, easy! I ain't Nick, I don't go
for that kinda stuff, don't know where that tongue's been ya know! Boy
Howdy!"
"Nick,
Nick, who needs Nick when I have you my darling Heathen!"
"Ah,,
it's Heath ma'am, my Mama didn't raise me to be no heathen. Hey don't I know you?... Oh...Boy Howdy,
you're Hester Converse! You best be outta
here lady! Doncha ya come near me now!"
Tried
as he might, Heath couldn't push the ravenous woman away. Her hands found their way around his neck
and she kept pulling him in a chokehold.
Mumbling about how much she loved Barkley dirt and splaying him with wet
kisses.
"Lady!
Ya gotta let me go!" He pulled at the locked arms gripping his neck.
"All
right I'll let you go but I insist you must dance with me!" She grabbed
his shoulder and cupped his hand in hers."
"Sorry
ma'am I ain't much fer dancin'. Maybe
Eugene would.....Oh never mind he's not here anymore."
Suddenly
the wind took up a vicious howl and standing in the open doorway was a petite
blonde woman, gun drawn. She lovingly
wiped the gun barrel with a blue bandana.
"Hold
up there! Git yer grimy paws off my
man! Or I'll plug ya full of holes, witch!"
"Who
is this saddle tramp Heath who passes herself off as a woman?!" Hester spat out.
"Dilly!!!"
Heath shouted in surprise. "Easy
now Dilly, take it easy!
....NICK!!!!"
But
unfortunately Nick was busy enjoying a nice hot bath. The blonde woman in the green dress was scrubbing his back with
one hand and stroking the black leather jacket with the other.
"Oh
Nick, you're so sexy!" She purred,
rubbing her cheek along the leather collar of the jacket.
"Is
that a fact?" He smiled with
impish glee.
* * * * * * * *
Lightening
clapped, the lights in the house went black and a single gunshot rang out. The sound of falling bodies was heard.
"OOHH
NICKKK!!!!" The blond cowboy
yelled from downstairs. But sadly Nick
couldn't hear his brother's frantic call.
Only the top of his wet dark head remained peeking out of the white
foamed bath water. The black leather
jacket and the blonde in the green dress were both gone.
Lightening
clapped again and Heath saw blood spreading across his mother's carpet, but the
bodies of both women were gone. The
front door crashed open again, with another clap of thunder. A wooden figure dressed in rolled up cuffed
blue jeans, and wearing a red, blue, and yellow plaid long sleeve shirt stood
before Heath. From the bottom of his
red and white cowboy boots to the top of his freckled face redhead he only
stood four feet high. A permanent smile
was painted on his face as he clopped menacingly toward the hapless blond adonis
of a cowboy. (that was for the
heathens)
"Whhooo
are you?" Heath stammered out
fearfully as he pushed himself back against the wall by the stairs.
"Don't
you recognize me Slick? You've been
calling me ever since you were a little peanut."
"Callin'
you? I..I.. don't...
understand..."
"I'm
the boy Howdy."
THE
END