Name: Prof. Cottage Corneillius Cheeze
Occupation: Squash TV Host/Super Hero/Pornography Talent Scout
A bit about: Who is the enigma known as Professor Cottage Cheeze? Born on a small island off the coast of Fiji, I was the creation of a mad scientist whose goal was to merge the longevity of the human genome with that of easily spoiled dairy products. Through some freak lab accident, or possibly, a twist of the hand of fate, instead of creating cheese that would last 80 or more years without going bad, The Scientist's experiment created me. Half human, half cheese, I am the missing link between the worlds of the hairless ape and that of curdled milk. I was raised amongst The Scientist's other failed experiments, a cabal of other oddities like myself, one of which, Cannon Ball (a failed attempt to combine the usefullness of wood, with the abundance of roadkill) became like a brother to me. One day, Cannon Ball and I escaped The Scientist in a balloon we had created using bubble gum and coconuts. For months, we drifted on the winds of destiny, traveling from continent to continent, but no matter where we went, a half human, half cheese hybrid, and a dead squirl nailed to a piece of wood could never belong. Then, one faithful day, the winds of destiny (and some asshole 747 pilot) caused our balloon to crash in the glorius city of Kitchener...which we were quickly exhiled from and now live in some shithole called Windsor.
Fun characteristics: Smells like cheese...also tastes like cheese
Super Powers: Cheese stench radiation; Can throw Cannon Ball with deadly accuracy
Famous Quote: "EAT CHEEZE YOU RAT BASTARD!"


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