Name: Captain Igniter
Occupation: He's a Red Lobster
A bit about: A person like Captain Igniter, who believes Taco Bell is a good diuretic, should not be taken “lightly” into any kind of situation. His uncanny ability to use his very small um...testicles and place them on ones chin, is something that he treasures not just as a joke, or a rude comeback, but to bring inner peace to himself. Referring to his name, Captain Igniter once thought it would be feasible to replace the coal rocks in his barbecue with 25 cans of Butane fluid, and, with that kind of power, cook the fastest turkey ever recorded, due to the fact he had to cook a twenty pounder in 15 minutes. The outcome, (should it even be said), was disastrous. He lost both eyebrows due to the explosion, but luckily, was left with only a few scars on his face, chest, genitals, and right middle finger. The turkey was done in 20 minutes. Captain Igniter, however, was done in 10 seconds. Solid proof that ham cooks faster than turkey. Nowadays, Captain Igniter walks around with one eyebrow. Due to the flames, it had opened up his pores, enhanced the ability to grow facial and body hair, and now amazingly, he looks like a gorilla (tell me how that works?) Nevertheless, due to his unwishful incident, he was blessed with big breasts, and a few powers that no one else with an IQ of 54+ could ever have. Although he does walk like a duck, and drools in speech, his amazing ability to use anything as a projectile is unmatched. And, ironic as it may be, he can now use any source of fire he can find for the better use of the human race, or to play some stupid pranks on certain stupid people. (Did anyone tell you once that fire can bake cookies and melt cheese?)
Fun characteristics: Lights fires; Burns things; Easy to talk to
Super Powers: BBQ’s (weapon of chioce), Hairy nuts to Chin action (always humiliating), BBQ knob boomerang toss
Famous Quote: "Captain Igniter, Ignite!"


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