Chapter Ten

onny had been so happy that Brenda was alive and had come back to him, that he'd forgotten all about the past few weeks he'd spent with her. Now it all came tumbling back to him in a blinding flash. There was more going on here then met the eye. There was something she hadn't told him. There was something she was keeping from him. Something he wasn't going to like. And it was time he found out about it.

"What do you mean we have to pretend like everyone in Port Charles no longer exists. Brenda, what's going on here? What aren't you telling me?"

"Sonny." Brenda closed her eyes in dread. She had been hoping to enjoy their reunion a little while longer before getting into this. Once she told him everything it could change everything between them forever. "If you want us to be together, we can never go back to Port Charles, again." She added. "Even if you don't want us to be together you can never go back to Port Charles. If you do, you'll be killed."

"What are you talking about?" He put some space between them. "Who's going to kill me? Just what are you involved in and what have you gotten me involved in by being with me?"

"Maybe we should get dressed before we have this conversation." She climbed out of bed and began pulling on her clothes. "I think this will go better if we're both dressed." She was feeling vulnerable enough, she didn't need to do in while they were both naked to make her feel even more vulnerable.

Having no choice, Sonny climbed out of bed and pulled on his clothes, as well. Then he followed her into the living room, just waiting for her to drop her bombshell on him.

"Are you hungry?" She suddenly asked. "I'm famished. How about you making me something to eat. You know how I love your cooking."

"Just tell me, Brenda." Sonny wanted to get this over. The longer she dragged this out, the worse it would be. "Tell me what it is you're hiding."

Having no choice, she just plunged in head first. "I've done things, Sonny." She began. "Things you may not be able to accept. Things that may change the way you feel about me."

"Just tell me." He urged her. "Then once it's out in the open we can both deal with it together."

She prayed he would still felt that way once she told him everything. "You're not going to like it." She told him, as she began to pace the floor in agitation. "I guess the place to start is at the beginning." She sat down on the floor in front of the fire place and he joined her there. He took her hands in his to stop their nervous fidgeting. "After my car went over the bridge, I washed up on shore on some beach miles from where my car went into the water. When I woke-up I was disoriented, I was hurt and scared. I couldn't move and I had no idea where I was. As I laid on the beach unable to move, the first thing I thought of was you. I started screaming your name and begging you to come and help me. I guess I thought our old connection that we shared would make you be able to hear me and come to me." She added. "But our connection was broken. You didn't hear me and come to me. You'd gone away and you had no way of knowing what had happened to me."

She sighed deeply. "I was about to give up hope and just let go when someone finally found me and took me to the hospital. After that I had a long rehabilitation before I was well enough to leave the hospital. Thinking of you was the only thing that got me through it."

Her voice took on a reflective tone. "Laying flat on your back unable to move gives you a lot of time to think." She smiled at him and caressed his cheek. "It gave me time to think about how I really felt and who I really wanted. And what I realized was as angry as I was at you for what you had done, you were still who I loved and wanted."

"Why didn't you call Jax or somebody and tell them you were alive?" He asked. "They would have come to you and brought you home to all your family and friends who love you. You wouldn't have had to go through this alone. They would have helped you."

"They would have also told me to forget about you." She answered. "And that's something I can't do. I tried and I couldn't do it." She added. "Then I would have had to hurt Jax by telling him I still loved you. I thought letting him continue to think I was dead was the kindest thing I could do for him. With him thinking I was dead, he could finally let me go, and find someone who truly loved him." She added. "I finally understood why you did what you did to me. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind."

"Besides." She continued. "The only one that could have really helped was you. They weren't who I wanted. You were. And I had no idea how to find you." She sighed again. "Even though you weren't there, what got me back on my feet was you. Getting back on my feet so I could find you became my goal. And as soon as I was back on my feet, I left the hospital and I began looking for you, vowing not to stop until I found you."

"And you finally did." He smiled at her. "What happened once you left the hospital. Just how did you begin your search for me?" He had a feeling this story was only going to get worse.

"I had no idea where you might be, so that left me only one alternative." She told him. "If I were to have any hope of finding you, I had to enter your world and look for you there."

"And just how did you do that?" He asked, knowing he wasn't going to like the answer.

"How else do women become part of your world, Sonny." She looked him straight in the eye and raised her chin at a challenging angle. "I became the whore you accused me of being when you caught me with Miguel."

Then she detailed her rise into the ranks of the mob in a cold emotionless tone. "I started out by hanging out in a casino. I figured if I wanted to attract someone with mob ties, that would be the place to do it." She sighed. "My first lover was a hitman for the mob. From his bed, I moved on to the bed of the man whom he worked for. And on and on it went until I landed in the bed of Carlos Montoya. All the while I kept my eyes and ears open for any mention of you. But there wasn't any. No one knew you or what had become of you, and if I pressed them too much I knew they might get suspicious. So I had to keep my inquiries casual. Which left me to wait for some mention of you."

"You don't need to go into graphic detail." Sonny told her. He couldn't stand the thought of her with all those other men.

"Yes, I do." She disagreed. "I want you to know it all. The only way I can be free of it all is if I tell you it all. You need to know everything so you we can deal with it together and put it all behind us."

"None of this explains why we can't return to Port Charles." Sonny pointed out. "So what if you warmed the bed of all these hoodlums. It's in the past. It's over. We're together now and no one ever has to know about it. It'll remain a secret just between the two of us."

"It's not that simple." She told him. "The man who I became lovers with, Carlos Montoya, will never let it be that simple. He won't just let me go because I've finally found you. He thinks of me as his property and thinks only he has the rights to use me. When he finds out I took you to my bed he'll kill the both of us."

"Brenda." He took her face in his hands. "You seem to forget just how powerful I am. Montoya will have no choice but to let you go." Sonny added in a dangerous tone. "If he won't, then I'll make him live to regret it."

"It's not that simple." She repeated again. "Sonny. you know how when Jax returned to Port Charles he told you I was dead?" Sonny nodded. "Well, when Jax found me, he told me the same thing when I refused to leave Montoya for him. He told me you were dead. He thought if I thought you were dead I'd finally let you go."

Brenda explained. "When he found me and tried to rescue me from Montoya, I refused to leave him. I was sure if I stayed with Montoya long enough, I'd be able to find you and I told him that. So Jax told me I was wasting my time because the mob had tracked you down where you were hiding out and they'd killed you. I should have never believed him, but I did." She added. "He thought I'd agree to leave Montoya and marry him. He never had any intention of ever letting me know you were alive and living in Port Charles. He never had any intention of us ever returning to Port Charles so I could find out the truth."

"But you didn't leave Montoya." Sonny replied. "You stayed with him after Jax convinced you I was dead." He added. "Why? If you thought I was dead, why didn't you leave him?"

"There's a resemblance between you and Montoya." She told him. "In a dimly lit room I could look at Montoya and pretend he was you. When Montoya would make love to me, I could close my eyes and it was like he was you." She added. "If you were dead, I decided I would settle for the closest thing I could get to you. That's how much I love you."

"What aren't you telling me?" Sonny asked, knowing there was some big bombshell she was about to drop on him that would rock his world.

"I'm not just Montoya's mistress, Sonny." She couldn't meet his eyes, but she knew she had to say it. "I'm his wife. When Jax told me you were dead, I married Montoya. I'm Carlos Montoya's wife." She added. "Now do you see why we can never return to Port Charles. Why Montoya will never let me go. Why he'll kill us both if he finds out we're lovers again."