FADE IN
EXT. GRAVEYARD – NIGHT
Willow sits on a tombstone, eating from a BAG OF POPCORN with an expression of boredom. She watches as Buffy, standing by a new grave, stretches and warms up her muscles.
The grave beside Buffy begins to stir. Buffy ignores the movement and continues to hold her left arm across her body, stretching out her bicep.
A FRESH VAMPIRE, 30, rises from the dirt, snarling and looking dangerous.
BUFFY
Can you just give me one
more sec?
Buffy pulls her arm up over her head to finish off her warm-up routine. The Fresh Vampire looks put out that Buffy is making him wait.
She shakes her head side to side, then rolls her shoulders a few times.
BUFFY (CONT.)
Okay.
The vampire charges at her, baring his sharp fangs. Buffy swings and connects with his jaw, sending him flying. Dazed, the Vampire scrambles to his feet just in time for her to land a kick in the center of his chest. As he goes down, his left leg sweeps behind her feet.
THUD!!
Buffy lands hard on the grass. She groans and rolls back onto her hands, then pushes forward to leap upright. The vampire scurries to his feet.
BUFFY
Do you even know how long it’s
going to take me to get these
grass stains out?!
Buffy pulls out a STAKE. The vampire charges just as Buffy slams the stake into his heart.
PUFF!
Dust rains down on the grass below. Buffy tucks the stake into the back of her jeans and turns towards Willow.
BUFFY
See, this is better than being
cooped up in the house.
Willow shrugs and digs another handful of popcorn out of the bag. Buffy sits down on the tombstone beside Willow.
WILLOW
When’s your next appointment with
the Social Services people?
BUFFY
Monday.
Buffy zones off in the distance. Willow notices and raises an eyebrow.
BUFFY (CONT.)
I’m kinda worried, Will.
WILLOW
Buffy, you’re great with Dawn.
BUFFY
Yeah, so great that she doesn’t
listen to a word I say.
WILLOW
Teenager years can be tough. You
were fifteen once too, remember
what it was like?
BUFFY
Yeah, I burned down the high school
gym.
WILLOW
See? Dawny hasn’t done anything
like that.
BUFFY
Yeah, well, I don’t think Social
Services sees that accomplishment as
successful parenting.
Buffy reaches into Willow’s bag of popcorn and pulls out a handful.
WILLOW
Dawn belongs with you. I know Social
Services is gonna see that.
Buffy looks skeptical.
WILLOW (CONT.)
If not, I’ll just have to make them
see it with my… my iron fist of
justice!
A small smile breaks out on Buffy’s face. Willow looks up and raises her eyebrows slightly.
WILLOW (CONT.)
(not panicked)
Oh, behind you.
Buffy turns to see another SCARY VAMPIRE, 25, approaching. She drops her popcorn and jumps down off of the tombstone. The vampire immediately attacks Buffy, throwing her to the ground with one blow. He takes a step towards Willow, causing her first expression of fear for the night.
Willow pulls out a STAKE of her own, turns and jumps off the tombstone, the vampire right behind her. He grabs Willow’s arm, causing her to cry out.
The stake is knocked from her hand.
WILLOW
Buffy!
Once again on her feet, Buffy charges the vampire. He shoves her off, turning towards Willow as Buffy stumbles backwards and collides with a tombstone.
Willow looks terrified, but raises her free hand towards the vampire. She blinks once and her eyes turn black.
WILLOW
I call on you, Osiris, bring
me the-
BUFFY
Will, no!
Buffy slams into the vampire, breaking his hold on Willow. She stumbles away and turns in time to see Buffy kick her attacker. The kick seems to glance off of the vampire but causes him to take a few steps back.
Buffy yanks her stake free from her jeans and runs at the baddie.
CRUNCH!
The heel of Buffy’s boot breaks, causing her eyes to widen in surprise as she goes down onto a knee. Her stake falls short of its target and plants itself in the vampire’s stomach.
BLOOD squirts from the wound and some of it gets on Buffy. She recoils with disgust. The vampire begins to act strangely, falling backwards onto the grass and writhing in agony.
His hands clasp around the wooden stake and try to pull it out. Buffy and Willow stand over the vampire, watching in confusion. He struggles for another moment, then seems to take a last breath. The girls watch as the vampire appears to die.
WILLOW
Is… Is he unconscious?
Buffy kicks “the body” once. It doesn’t move. Then, suddenly-
PUFF!
The vampire explodes into ashes and disappears. Willow and Buffy exchange worried glances.
WILLOW
But, you didn’t get him in the
heart. How…?
Buffy and Willow stare down at the empty ground looking for answers.
Buffy enters her room and turns on the light. The sight of her reflection, blood-stained clothes and all, causes her to jump. She shakes her head and sets a STAKE down on her vanity table.
BUFFY
(yelling)
Dawn? Will? I’m gonna jump in
the shower.
There is no reply. Buffy takes off the CROSS around her neck and sets it beside the wooden stake.
INT. SUMMERS HOUSE – BATHROOM
Buffy, clad only in a towel, leans over to check the water temperature from the faucet. Satisfied, she lifts the lever to start the shower.
Her towel drops to the floor.
VVVVRIP!
The shower curtain closes behind her.
INT. SUMMERS HOUSE – BATHROOM - SHOWER
Buffy stands beneath the water that rains down from the shower head. She runs her hands through her hair, watching the blood swirl with the water and go down the drain.
Buffy’s head snaps up when she hears the bathroom door close.
BUFFY
Dawn?
(beat)
Willow?
She listens, worried.
BUFFY (CONT.)
Is someone there?
Buffy turns and comes face to face with Spike, standing naked inside the shower with her.
She immediately SCREAMS, causing Spike to clamp one hand down over her mouth and the other to slam up on the other side of the shower, blocking her in.
Satisfied that she has gotten over the initial shock, Spike slides his hand away from her mouth and moves it to cup her cheek.
BUFFY
(practically hissing)
What are you doing here, Spike?
Get out!
Spike says nothing, choosing instead to firmly plants his lips over hers. She struggles against him but then gives in after a few futile moments, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.
Spike trails kisses down her neck as the bathroom door opens.
DAWN’S VOICE
Buffy? Are you alright? I
thought I heard screaming.
Spike leans back from Buffy, watching her expression with interest. Buffy stares back at him, breathless.
BUFFY
Yeah, Dawn. I’m fine.
There is rustling from beyond the shower curtain.
THUD!!
Buffy and Spike hear the sound of Dawn falling down. They both turn and look in the direction of the sound.
BUFFY (CONT.)
Are you?
There is more shuffling as Dawn mutters to herself under her breath.
DAWN’S VOICE
Yeah… fine.
A moment later the door shuts quietly. A slight smile turns up in the corner of Spike’s mouth. He returns to kissing her fiercely, moving against her. Buffy’s eyes widen in response.
BUFFY
No, Spike!
She pushes him off.
BUFFY (CONT.)
We can’t keep doing this.
Spike momentarily looks hurt.
SPIKE
I seem to recall a certain slayer
visiting me last week.
(softer)
Little late to be playing hard to
get.
Spike pulls her in close to him.
BUFFY
This isn’t a joke.
SPIKE
No. It isn’t.
He kisses her, muffling any protests she might have made. Buffy gasps for breath and moans as the intensity of what they are doing increases.
SPIKE (CONT.)
Think I can give you something
to scream about.
Spike pulls her deeper into the shower and the steam closes in around them.
Xander and Anya are staring at a large BOOK OF WEDDING INVITATIONS.
XANDER
Here’s one!
Xander gestures towards one of the invitations. Anya glances it over and then looks at him with disgust.
ANYA
Xander, that’s not funny.
She moves away from the book, revealing a hideously sappy invitation, complete with a border of sweet-looking bunnies.
XANDER
Sorry, it was too good to pass up.
Buffy and Willow enter the shop, prompting Xander and Anya to look up from their wedding books.
BUFFY
Hey. How goes the wedding plans?
ANYA
Terrible! Xander refuses to
compromise with me.
XANDER
We’re not sending out invitations
that say “Expensive gifts are
encouraged.”
Anya looks at Buffy and Willow expecting them to defend her position. The two just stare at Anya like she has two heads.
ANYA
(more to herself)
Well, they are.
Anya moves behind the cash register and begins to take inventory.
XANDER
And how was the slaying last
night?
WILLOW
Ooh, really strange. Buffy staked
a vamp and he just seemed to die.
XANDER
Funny, I thought that’s how it was
supposed to go. Good God, have we
been doing it wrong all this time?
Buffy ignores Xander’s sarcasm completely. Anya turns her attention back to the group.
BUFFY
Thanks to the shoddy workmanship
on my boots, I staked this one in
the stomach, not the heart.
(light-hearted)
Guess that’s what I get for
shopping at the outlets.
ANYA
The wound- that was enough to
kill him?
Buffy nods.
BUFFY
It’s almost like he was…
XANDER
Mortal?
BUFFY
Yeah. Weird, huh?
XANDER
Hey, at least it made your job
easier.
BUFFY
Yeah, but I don’t like it…
(she explains to a dumbfounded group)
Vampires have been around for
like a really long time. They
don’t suddenly become mortal.
Mr. Binky, a funny-looking man of 30, sits at his desk completely immersed in his work. He is surrounded by several large dusty books that are all opened to pages with ancient writing. However, one CURIOUS GEORGE BOOK sits open beside Mr. Binky.
Resting on the corner of the desk is a POT OF BLACK LIQUID that appears to boil despite the fact that is not being heated. VAPORS from the pot hover in the air above.
Mr. Binky begins to recite SUMERIAN WORDS, causing the vapors above the boiling pot to spread out, floating out the window and into Sunnydale.
EXT. SUNNYDALE PARK
The fog expands over the park, going unnoticed by the people walking by, as if they can’t see it.
EXT. OUTSIDE RUN-DOWN BUILDING
The fog travels around the building, seeping down in through the basement windows.
INT. INSIDE RUN-DOWN BUILDING
TWO VAMPIRES sleep silently in the dark basement. The fog circles them slowly. The vampires breath in the fog, but don’t seem to be any worse for it.
The fog has enveloped the entire cemetery. It slowly drifts down the stairs into Spike’s crypt.
INT. SPIKE’S CRYPT
Spike is seated on one of his chairs in front of the TV, half-watching and half-asleep. He doesn’t notices the fog that slips in around him. Suddenly, he bolts upright in the chair and starts coughing.
Worry knits his eyebrows together. He takes a deep breath as the coughing fit passes. Spike quickly jumps to his feet, knocking over a half-empty bottle of liquor. Rushing for the door, he almost forgets his BLANKET, grabbing it just as he steps into the sun.
EXT. GRAVEYARD
Spike emerges from the crypt, quickly pulling the blanket over his body. He takes a quick step forward, pulling the blanket down around him as he goes.
Gone are the sizzling noises that usually accompany a daytime traveling Spike.
Spike freezes, noticing that something has definitely changed. He reaches a tentative hand out into the sunlight, flinching against the coming pain-
But nothing happens.
Spike whips off the blanket, staring up at the sun he hasn’t seen in a century.
SPIKE
What the hell?
Spike travels down the street slowly, still adjusting to the day. He squints against the bright sunlight. Distracted, he accidentally bumps into another man.
ANGRY MAN
Hey, watch it!
SPIKE
Why don’t you watch it, you wanker!
Spike glances at the man, then does a double-take. The angry man seems to be equally effected by Spike’s presence. The two stare at each other for a moment as if they were sizing the other up.
But instead of fighting, they finish exchanging glances and both continue on their way without a word.
INT. MAGIC BOX – DAY
Buffy, Willow and Xander are consulting “the books” while Anya waits on a CUSTOMER. Dawn enters the shop, dropping her BACKPACK onto the table.
The Customer finishes paying Anya, then moves to leave.
ANYA
Thanks for shopping at the Magic Box.
Come again soon! Have a nice day!!
The Customer turns slightly to face Anya, revealing that it is an amused Mr. Binky.
MR. BINKY
Ah, thank you.
He leaves quickly while Dawn flops down on a vacant chair and pulls one of the BOOKS towards her.
XANDER
Anya, remember when we talked about
overly aggressive behavior towards
the customers?
Anya just blinks.
XANDER (CONT.)
Never mind.
DAWN
What are you guys doing?
WILLOW
One of the vampires that Buffy
slayed last night was kinda lacking
in the immortal department.
DAWN
Well, that’s a good thing, right?
BUFFY
Maybe, maybe not.
Buffy shuts her BOOK and tosses it back onto the table.
BUFFY (CONT.)
This isn’t any help.
(beat)
We need to figure out what made
that vampire special.
XANDER
(singing)
One of these vampires, is not
like the other…
WILLOW
He was fresh from the vampire oven.
Does immortality take a few minutes
to, like, set in?
Buffy shakes her head.
BUFFY
From what I hear, it’s one of the
immediate perks.
XANDER
Okay, not to be critical here ladies,
but we are sure it was a vampire?
Buffy throws Xander a plain look.
BUFFY
Yeah. Unless people burst into
ashes when they die.
XANDER
Okay, definitely a vampire, then.
Buffy’s head snaps up; she senses something.
BUFFY
Speaking of vamps, what do you
want, Spike?
Buffy and the group turn to see Spike standing in the dark doorway leading to the back entrance of the shop.
SPIKE
I need to talk to you.
BUFFY
I’m busy.
SPIKE
It’s important.
Before she can argue further, Spike turns and walks away. Buffy rolls her eyes and stands up, following him out the back door.
EXT. BACK ALLEY OUTSIDE THE MAGIC BOX
An agitated Spike stands in the shadow of the building as Buffy joins him.
SPIKE
Something’s happened.
BUFFY
Spike, I really don’t want to
talk about us-
SPIKE
This isn’t about us.
BUFFY
Well, that’s a first.
(beat)
What’s happened?
Buffy throws him a look that says she’s not too concerned. Spike’s gaze hardens in response. He takes a step backwards into the sunlight.
BUFFY (CONT.)
So? Are you gonna keep me
waiting or what?
Spike cocks his head; he can’t believe she doesn’t catch on.
SPIKE
I’m standing in the bloody
sunlight, Buffy!
Buffy’s eyes widen.
BUFFY
How is that possible?
SPIKE
Not sure.
Buffy looks like she wants more information. Spike rolls his eyes.
SPIKE (CONT.)
I’m sitting in my crypt, watching
some telly… next thing I know, I’m
practically hacking up a lung.
BUFFY
You were coughing?
(Spike nods)
Vampires don’t breath.
SPIKE
I know that!
(calmer)
And I’m not the only one affected,
luv. Saw another vamp on the way
over.
BUFFY
Vampires. Walking around during
the day. As if my job wasn’t hard
enough!
Dawn is snacking on cereal that resembles Cheerios. She holds open the box towards Xander, but he waves it away.
XANDER
Those taste like cardboard.
DAWN
I think of them like little
doughnuts.
XANDER
Yeah, little doughnuts that taste
like cardboard.
The group looks up expectantly when Spike and Buffy re-enter.
XANDER (CONT.)
Spike, you look like death… Spend
too much time “exercising” last
night?
Spike smirks slightly, throwing a glance at Buffy. She ignores his look.
BUFFY
We have a problem. It looks like
some of the vampires around here
are losing their immortality.
XANDER
You wanna run that by me again?
Spike goes over to the window, throws it open and sticks his hand out into the sun. There is no reaction.
SPIKE
Come on, people! Vampires in
the sun.
They stare in awe as Spike draws his hand back in from the sun.
SPIKE (CONT.)
How the hell has the world made
it this far when you blokes are
the ones saving it?
DAWN
(to Spike)
So, you’re like human now?
SPIKE
Not human, just mortal. Still
got the demon in me.
ANYA
If something’s taking the vampires’
immortality, where’s it going?
Mr. Binky rushes in still carrying the BAG from the Magic Box, shutting the door behind himself. He pulls out an ugly ROOT from the bag, breaking off a small piece. Another evil smile creeps across his face as he tosses the small piece of root into the liquid. The tendril of FOG swirls around him that he breaths in.
MR. BINKY
(insane)
Soon invincibility will be mine…
Irrefortunate will be those who
cross my path!
MOTHER’S VOICE
Jeffrey? Jeffrey! I’m trying to
watch the Price is Right!
Mr. Binky calms.
MR. BINKY
Sorry, Mother.
Mr. Binky picks up the remainder of the root and stares at it.
MR. BINKY (CONT.)
Tonight.
(louder)
Tonight!!
He begins to laugh and cackle like the typical villain, building in intensity.
MOTHER’S VOICE
Jeffrey!!
Mr. Binky stops laughing, spooked by the anger in his mother’s voice.
The gang sits at the table researching. Dawn has an origami zoo set up around her on the table which distracts the Scoobies.
XANDER
What’s that one?
He points to one of the animals.
DAWN
You can’t tell? It’s supposed to
be a penguin.
ANYA
Wait, I thought that one was a
penguin.
DAWN
No, that’s Mr. T-Rex.
She picks up the paper dinosaur and makes it attack the penguin, complete with PENGUIN SCREAMING sound effects.
WILLOW
But dinosaurs wouldn’t eat penguins,
because they were cold-blooded. Mr.
T-Rex wouldn’t have survived in the
artic.
Dawn puts down the T-Rex slowly, shut down by Willow’s science.
XANDER
Will, they’re made of paper.
Buffy looks up from her book, surveying the silliness. Finally-
BUFFY
Where’s Spike?
ANYA
I think he said something about
going outside to working on his tan?
XANDER
What’s next? Spike gonna start a
daycare business?
The rest of the group stare at him, pondering that thought.
XANDER (CONT.)
Okay, right. That will never happen.
But Spike with a tan-
WILLOW
It’s gotta be weird for him. I mean,
I’m not a big Spike fan, but he hasn’t
been mortal for over a hundred years.
Spike is seated on a bench, one arm draped over the back, watching the people around him in the park. He looks tired, wrinkles have appeared around his eyes.
A shadow blocks his sun, prompting him to look up.
Buffy stands beside the bench, looking uncomfortable. Spike watches her for a moment, but says nothing. Finally, she sits down beside him on the bench.
SPIKE
I’d forgotten what it was like…
daylight.
Buffy looks at him, noticing that Spike looks run down.
BUFFY
Did you miss it?
SPIKE
Didn’t think so.
(beat)
Haven’t seen the sun in a long
time.
Spike lights a CIGARETTE and takes a puff. It causes him to COUGH once and he GROANS in frustration, hurling the cigarette to the ground and mashing it with his boot.
Buffy eyes the display of frustration but is silent. Spike’s mood suddenly swings to a happier one.
SPIKE (CONT.)
If I’d known… might have watched
the sunrise this morning. Maybe
I’ll catch tomorrow’s-
BUFFY
You think you’re going to stay
this way? Not on my watch.
SPIKE
Oh? Wouldn’t be as interested in
me then? If I was like everyone
else?
BUFFY
Spike, you’ll never be like anyone
else.
Spike looks pleased.
BUFFY (CONT.)
And I don’t mean that as a compliment.
Spike shakes his head, growing tired of her constant cut-downs.
BUFFY (CONT.)
Something or someone is behind this,
and we’re going to put a stop to it.
Spike laughs.
SPIKE
You telling me the Scoobies in there
are really all that concerned?
Without their immortality, you’d be
dropping vampires like flies.
BUFFY
Maybe so, but- If there’s one thing
I’ve learned, it’s that nothing in my
life is ever simple.
Spike runs a hand through his hair and leans forward.
SPIKE
Yeah, without vampires how could you
go on slaying?
Buffy stands.
BUFFY
What’s your deal?
SPIKE
What’s my deal?!
He grabs her hand and yanks her palm to his chest, covering his heart.
BUFFY
What…?
She quickly yanks her hand back as if he was on fire.
SPIKE
It’s been beating for the last hour
or so. At least, that’s when I
noticed.
There is an awkward silence while Buffy tries to think of what to say.
BUFFY
Look, maybe you should come inside.
You don’t look… well.
That comment appears to be humorous to Spike.
SPIKE
I should think not!
(beat)
I’m a hundred and forty two. Let’s
see how good you look when you’re
that old.
BUFFY
Spike-
He raises his hand to silence her.
SPIKE
I’m dying, luv. Without my
immortality, I don’t stand a bleeding
chance.
Dawn flips through a book, stopping suddenly. Her eyes go large as she reads down the page.
DAWN
Xander.
She shows him the page, while Anya peers over his shoulder.
XANDER
Harnessing the Immortality of the
Vampire.
ANYA
If you want to become immortal, why
not just become a vampire?
XANDER
Looks like this way you get to be
invincible without the kooky vampire
side effects.
Xander passes the book over to Willow, who looks it over quickly.
WILLOW
If someone’s using this spell to
take the vampires’ immortality, they’re
going to be really powerful.
ANYA
Especially since there are so many
vampires here in Sunnydale.
Willow shuts the book. The cover says “SPELLS & INCANTATIONS.”
WILLOW
This is a really rare book… I don’t
think there’s more than a couple left.
Whoever has it, well, there are some
pretty dangerous spells in here.
XANDER
We’d better show this to Buff-
The front door to the Magic Box bursts open and THREE OLD VAMPIRES come running in. However, they aren’t very threatening because they all appear to be about sixty.
XANDER
What is this- attack of the
geriatric vampires?!
One of the vampires charges Xander, who punches him in the face. The vampire goes down quickly with a thud. Xander grabs an AXE off of the wall and swings at the vampire.
PUFF!!
The other two run at Dawn, who SCREAMS. Willow steps in front of the girl to protect her.
WILLOW
Why don’t you pick on someone
your own age? Oh…
She looks at the ancient vampires.
WILLOW (CONT.)
Sorry.
The snarling vampires approach the two girls.
ANYA
Willow!
Anya tosses a STAKE to Willow. Dawn kicks one in the shin, while Willow stakes the other in the heart.
PUFF!!
Willow’s vampire disappears immediately. Dawn’s vampire hobbles towards Willow in pain. She stakes the second one easily.
PUFF!!
WILLOW
Like shooting fish in a barrel,
only it’s old vampires, and there’s
no barrel- or shooting…
XANDER
Yeah, respecting your elders is pretty
tough when they want to kill you and all.
ANYA
What was wrong with those vampires?
(almost sad)
They looked so old and wrinkly-
BUFFY
(o.c.)
Now that they’re living, they can age.
The group turns to see Buffy and Spike step out of the darkness of the back hall. Dawn GASPS. Spike leans on Buffy for support, looking shriveled in his leather coat.
SPIKE
Guess my years are finally catching
up with me.
Buffy helps Spike into a chair.
XANDER
(teasing)
Spike, is your hair turning white?
Anya makes a puzzled face.
ANYA
No, sweetie, it always looks like
that.
WILLOW
We have a lead on what might be
causing this.
She pushes the book towards Buffy and Spike, who scan it quickly.
WILLOW (CONT.)
The spell calls for a bunch of
different ingredients like magic
weed, a crystal from Giana, larkspur-
ANYA
Larkspur? The Magic Box is the only
shop that carries that within 50 miles.
I know, I got a deal with the distributor.
She looks pleased with herself.
ANYA (CONT.)
In fact, I sold some today.
She smiles vacantly. The group stares at her until it clicks in her head.
ANYA (CONT.)
Oh my God, do you think I sold the
larkspur to whoever is doing this?
Spike pinches the bridge of his nose.
SPIKE
Thank your bloody stars that I’m too
tired to hurt you.
Anya rushes behind the counter, gathering up the receipts.
ANYA
I think he paid with a credit card…
(she continues to search through them)
Yes, here!
She hands the receipt to Buffy, who looks it over and makes a skeptical face.
BUFFY
Mr. Binky.
XANDER
Wait a minute, he’s named after a
stuffed animal?
BUFFY
Will, can you find an address on this
guy?
Willow sits down at the table and opens her laptop.
BUFFY (CONT.)
Dawn, I need you to stay here with
Spike.
Dawn pauses, then nods in response. Xander and Anya immediately begin to pull out WEAPONS from behind the counter.
DAWN
Never gonna be old enough, am I?
BUFFY & SPIKE
No.
Dawn sighs and plops down into the chair next to Spike to sulk. Meanwhile, Xander tosses a CROSSBOW at Buffy, who catches it and begins to check the weapon over.
WILLOW
Got it. 147 Green Street.
She stands and shuts the computer, slipping on her jacket. The four begin to move towards the door, but Buffy stops. Like an afterthought, she walks back to the table and turns to Dawn.
BUFFY
You know how to use one of these?
She sets the crossbow down on the table with a THUD. Dawn nods, slightly in awe.
BUFFY
Good.
(beat)
We’ll be back soon.
Buffy glances subtly at Spike, who has been watching her the whole time. She breaks the gaze and moves towards the door.
Mr. Binky has changed into a long, purple robe. The desk lamp lights the room as he surveys the bubbling cauldron. Pleased, he turns and peers out the window, noticing that a full moon has risen in the sky.
Mr. Binky turns away from the window and dons a HAT. It is a pointy, purple hat that matches his robe and makes him look ridiculous.
EXT. OUTSIDE MR. BINKY’S APARTMENT
The Scooby gang walks quickly towards the front of the building. Willow glances up at the second story window, seeing Mr. Binky in his silly get-up.
WILLOW
Buffy.
She points up to the window and the gang looks up. Buffy almost starts to laugh.
XANDER
I’m guessing that’s Mr. Binky.
BUFFY
What the hell is he wearing?
A significantly aged Spike sits at the table. Dawn holds the crossbow and paces the perimeter of the BOX.
SPIKE
You should sit. Doubt highly any
more of my kind are gonna be bothering
us tonight.
Dawn lowers the crossbow, disappointed.
SPIKE (CONT.)
Don’t worry. I’m sure the time will
come when you and sis will be slaying
demons side by side.
Dawn sets the weapon back down on the table.
DAWN
Like you and Buffy do now?
Spike looks uncomfortable, not sure of just what she means.
SPIKE
Yeah. Right.
DAWN
Buffy’s never going to see me as
anything but her clumsy kid sister.
SPIKE
Dawn, news flash for you. You are
her clumsy kid sister.
DAWN
I’m not a child anymore. Buffy was
my age when she slayed her first vampire.
SPIKE
Yeah, but she was the slayer-
Spike tries to stand up, but halfway up his knees buckle and he falls over.
DAWN
Spike!
She quickly comes over to him. As Spike lies on the floor, he finds one of Dawn’s ORIGAMI ANIMALS.
SPIKE
What’s this?
DAWN
A penguin. See, beak?
She points to the tip. Spike throws her a doubtful look and drops the paper animal.
SPIKE
If you say so.
Spike starts to stand with Dawn’s help, but cries out in pain.
DAWN
Are you alright?
Spike grits his teeth in pain as he moves.
SPIKE
Think I...broke my bloody hip.
Mr. Binky tosses the entire ROOT into the caldron, which causes all the FOG around it to contract and condense. Mr. Binky breaths in the fog and his eyes turn black.
Buffy kicks the door in.
BUFFY
Gotta tell you, love the outfit.
MR. BINKY
I told mother I was to be
in-disturbable!
The rest of the Scooby gang falls in behind Buffy, and look at Mr. Binky with confused expressions from his grammatical mishap.
WILLOW
(quietly to Xander)
Did he just say in-disturbable?
Mr. Binky runs around his desk and takes a step towards the group.
XANDER
Hey, Mr. Binky, if that is your
real name… let’s play catch!
He throws his AXE at Mr. Binky, which spirals towards the villain. Mr. Binky reaches out and grasps the axe before it strikes him, plucking it out of the air.
Xander swallows hard.
XANDER (CONT.)
Whoa… Nice catch.
MR. BINKY
Your turn.
He whips the axe back at Xander, who jumps out of the way before it connects with the door and lodges it’s blade firmly in the wood. Mr. Binky turns to Buffy.
MR. BINKY (CONT.)
What are you going to throw at me?
Buffy shrugs.
BUFFY
A couple kicks, some punches…
It’ll be fun. You’ll see.
She runs up to Mr. Binky and punches him. Instead of staggering from the blow, Mr. Binky just smiles. Buffy tries again, but this time Mr. Binky reaches out and seizes her wrist before she can complete the blow. She stares at him incredulously.
BUFFY
Alright, you Merlin-wannabe freak-
She shakes his hold and spins to kick him. He blocks the kick, and punches Buffy in the face, throwing her across the room where she collides with Anya and Willow.
The girls go down hard, crashing into a bookshelf. A few books fall off and rain down on Willow. Most are CURIOUS GEORGE BOOKS but one titled “SPELLS & INCANTATIONS” lands by Willow’s head. Buffy is quick to her feet, yanking Xander’s axe free from the door. She swings and the blade slams into Mr. Binky’s chest.
But instead of bleeding and screaming, Mr. Binky simply pulls the axe from his body. The wound the blade caused immediately heals.
XANDER
He’s already immortal.
BUFFY
Why are the stupid bad guys
always the strongest?
MR. BINKY
You’re too late, you fools. I am
now the most powerful warlock in
the world! I’m invincible!!
She attempts to fight with Mr. Binky, but she is no match for his strength.
MR. BINKY
Why are you wasting your time
fighting me?
BUFFY
I’m the slayer.
MR. BINKY
The slayer? I’m killing all the
vampires in Sunnydale!
He kicks Buffy and she lands hard on her back. She stares up at Mr. Binky who towers over her.
MR. BINKY
With my spell, you wouldn’t have to
slay anymore. How bad could that be?
A lecherous smile spreads over Mr. Binky’s face as he extends a hand down to help her up. Buffy stares at the hand offered to her.
She takes it, to her friends’ shock.
But instead of standing up, she pulls Mr. Binky down, flipping him to the ground while she leaps to her feet.
BUFFY
And just what are you going to do
with your invinciblity? Start your
own clothing line?
An angry Mr. Binky is quick to his feet. He lunges at Buffy.
MR. BINKY
Use my power to open the hellmouth.
End this god-foresaken world-
Anya grabs the boiling cauldron off of the desk and, unsure of what exactly to do, decides to toss its contents onto Mr. Binky.
He SHRIEKS painfully, stumbling back into the desk. As he breaths out, fog spills out of him and quickly fills the room. It spreads out the window, out into Sunnydale. Meanwhile, Mr. Binky flails and quivers.
MR. BINKY
Oh, my god, I’m melting! Melting-
BUFFY
Hello? Totally unoriginal.
Buffy kicks him and he flops down on the desk.
MR. BINKY
(whining to himself)
The spell is irrefixable-
BUFFY
Well, looks like you’re gonna be
un-invincible like the rest of us.
Willow bends down and hands the spell book to Buffy.
WILLOW
I think you should stick to reading
Curious George, Mr. Binky.
Mr. Binky looks up pathetically at the group. As Buffy moves out into the hallway, Anya grabs the hat off of Mr. Binky’s head.
ANYA
And you’re not allowed to shop at
the Magic Box anymore!
She turns towards the exit, moving into the doorway.
XANDER
Anya.
She looks up at him innocently.
XANDER (CONT.)
The hat.
She looks down at the hat in her hands.
ANYA
Buffy’s taking his book!
Xander shakes his head and Anya scowls. She tosses the hat at Mr. Binky.
ANYA (CONT.)
I didn’t want your stupid hat anyway!
BUFFY
Thanks for letting us handle this,
Mrs. Binky. You can take it from here.
As the group exits, MRS. BINKY, 60, enters complete with hair in curlers and a house dress.
MRS. BINKY
That’s it, Jeffrey! You’re in big
trouble, young man!!
Mr. Binky’s head flops down onto the desk.
CUT TO:
INT. MAGIC BOX – NIGHT
Buffy comes in through the doorway of the shop just as an arrow hits the doorframe, inches from her face. Surprised, she turns to see Dawn standing a few feet away with the crossbow.
DAWN
Oh, sorry! I didn’t know it was
you guys!
The gang files into the shop after Buffy. Spike leans on the counter, looking much younger.
BUFFY
(impressed)
That was a good warning shot.
SPIKE
Wasn’t a warning shot, think the
little bit’s got bad aim.
Dawn sets the crossbow down and smiles sheepishly.
DAWN
Did everything go okay? Stop the
bad guy and all?
BUFFY
Yeah.
Buffy drops Mr. Binky’s book down on the table beside the crossbow. Hesitantly-
BUFFY (CONT.)
Everyone-
(correcting herself)
Everything back to normal here?
Her eyes flicker over to Spike, then quickly away.
DAWN
Yeah. Thought I was gonna have to
take Spike to the hospital after he
fell, but-
Spike rolls his eyes as the group turn their gazes to him.
XANDER
Aw, did Spike fall down?
SPIKE
Sod off, Harris.
ANYA
You’ll be happy to know, Dawn, we
taught Mr. Binky quite a lesson.
INT. MR. BINKY’S APARTMENT
Mr. Binky’s head remains down on the desk while Mrs. Binky paces in front of him.
MRS. BINKY
Using magic? I’m so disappointed in
you. Why couldn’t it at least be
something normal, like drugs or
something? But no, I have to have the
weird son, the one who-
Mr. Binky starts to bang his forehead on the desk.
INT. THE MAGIC BOX
Buffy smiles.
BUFFY
Yeah, he’s probably gonna have a lot
of time to sit and think about what
he’s done.
Spike nods.
SPIKE
Right, then. Well, I’m off.
He gestures subtly to Buffy. She doesn’t get it. Spike shakes his head and leaves, rolling his eyes in frustration. Buffy puts the crossbow away under the counter.
XANDER
So nice of Spike to show us a
little gratitude over saving his
life. You’d think in 142 years
he’d learn some manners.
CUT TO:
EXT. SIDEWALK – NIGHT
Buffy and Dawn walk down the sidewalk towards their house.
BUFFY
Thanks for staying with Spike tonight.
DAWN
It was worth it, getting to see him
fall down. Plus, it was nice getting
to return the favor.
BUFFY
What?
DAWN
Protecting Spike. Like a nice little
role-reversal, you know?
Buffy thinks about Dawn’s comment for a moment.
BUFFY
Oh. Right.
They round the corner and their house comes into view.
BUFFY
But Spike doesn’t need protection.
Except maybe from himself.
DAWN
Or maybe from you.
BUFFY
What does that mean?
DAWN
Remember mortal enemies? Wasn’t there
a time when you two wanted to kill
each other?
The two start up the stairs towards the house as a PUFF OF SMOKE passes by them. Spike steps out of the shadow of the nearby tree, extinguishing his CIGARETTE.
BUFFY
God, Spike, what is it now?
DAWN
I’ll see you inside.
Before Buffy can say anything, Dawn opens the door and steps into the house. Buffy freezes where she is on the steps, turning to eye Spike.
BUFFY
Come to thank me?
SPIKE
Thank you? For what?
Buffy throws him the “duh” look.
BUFFY
I saved your life tonight.
SPIKE
(sarcastic)
Oh, right.
Buffy turns completely around to face Spike.
SPIKE (CONT.)
The only reason you “saved my life”
is because you had to stop some idiot
bloke from becoming immortal.
BUFFY
What was I supposed to do, Spike? I
mean, God, can’t I do anything right?
SPIKE
A little concern is all-
BUFFY
No. No! I was too busy trying to do
what I was supposed to be doing! This
is who I am now. Deal with it.
SPIKE
Buffy-
BUFFY
I’m too tired to deal with your twisted
logic, Spike. Good night.
She turns and moves up the rest of the stairs.
SPIKE
I may be dead, but sometimes I don’t know
which one of us is colder.
She turns and watches as Spike leaves the yard, obviously pissed off. She opens the front door and enters the house.
INT. SUMMERS HOUSE – FRONT ENTRYWAY
Buffy shuts the door behind herself and then leans up against it. She wraps her arms around her body, blinking a few times.
DAWN
(o.c.)
Buffy?
Buffy moves toward the sound of Dawn in the kitchen.
INT. SUMMERS HOUSE – KITCHEN
Buffy enters to see Dawn assembling a sandwich.
DAWN
You want one?
Buffy shakes her head as she sits on one of the stools.
BUFFY
No, thanks.
DAWN
Spike leave?
Buffy nods.
Dawn finishes making the sandwich and goes to take a bite. Her hair moves slightly, revealing a small bruise on her arm. Buffy gently grasps her arm.
BUFFY
What’s this?
Dawn looks down at the bruise.
DAWN
Oh, nothing. You know how clumsy I
am.
She finally takes a bite, chews and swallows.
DAWN (CONT.)
That reminds me. The other night when
you were in the shower?
Buffy immediately looks uncomfortable, trying to play innocent.
BUFFY
Yeah? What about it?
DAWN
You left your wet towel on the floor.
Buffy looks relieved.
BUFFY
Oh. Sorry.
DAWN
That’s how I got the bruise. Went to
hang it up and I tripped over Spike’s
clothes.
She takes another bite of the sandwich and chews with a slight smile on her face, while Buffy looks horrified.
FADE OUT
