Real Genius
(Space)
Radio: Crossbow this is Launch Dot. Confirm all transmissions on Display.
Crossbow: Roger, One Stop. Crossbow is on discriminator. All systems are go.
Radio: Roger. We mark you go for maneuvering sequence.
Astronaut: Launch, this is Crossbow. I am established. Confirm we are go for arm.
Radio: Affirmative, Crossbow. At this time select electrics to max. Select vents to open, and select systems to on board.
Astronaut: Roger. Crossbow is armed.
Radio: Roger. We now have ground confirmation. The rabbit is in the hole.
Astronaut: Rabbit target indicator engaged. Have quite a result. I’m going on the scope.
Radio: Roger.
Astronaut: Scanner on. Target locked. Tracking lock.
Radio: Roger.
Astronaut: That’s it. Hold it right there.
(Somewhere – Room)
(A group of men in suits sit in a somewhat darkened room watching the Crossbow on a TV screen.)
Announcer: (on TV) The Crossbow Project. There’s no defense like a good offense.
Astronaut: (on TV) Mission accomplished.
Radio: (on TV) Outstanding Crossbow.
Astronaut: (on TV) Just like shooting ducks in a barrel.
Announcer: (on TV) Working in secret our scientists are turning an engineering dream into an effective reality.
Decker: Now all we have to do is build it.
Don: It’s a weapon, isn’t it Dave?
Decker: What do you think of Don’s little movie, Roy?
Roy: I think there weren’t enough girls in it.
(They all laugh.)
Don: Well I have a little take now on alternate weapon uses, plans for the mini-shuttle, and modifications of the B1 area launch.
George: Does the President or any other responsible agency know about this?
Decker: We’re in a need to know basis, Jerry. Besides the CIA’s a responsible agency.
George: Well I think they do need to know. You’re going to single handedly cause a major escalation.
Roy: Our studies indicate the weapon is totally useless in warfare.
Decker: It’s not intended for use in your kind of warfare, Roy. It’s the perfect peace time weapon. That’s why it’s secret.
Man1: So it’s both immoral and unethical?
Decker: Yes.
(They all laugh.)
Roy: When do we get it?
Don: Uh, as I understand it there seems to be a small technical teeny weenie little problem with the energy source.
Decker: I don’t want to hear about any problems, Don. We have plans for your little ray gun this summer. We need it successful. I don’t need any delays that might jeopardize the projects success. Do I make myself clear, Don?
Don: Oh, clear as vodka, Dave.
Decker: You tell that Dr. Hathaway to get on the stick.
Don: Well I guess I’ll have to push a little harder then.
Decker: Just as long as we have a working weapon by the end of June. Right General?
Roy: I wouldn’t know, Dave. I haven’t had a working weapon since Korea.
(They all laugh. George stands.)
George: I’m sorry, Dave. This is too much for me. I’m going to have to ask for reassignment.
Decker: I’m sorry to hear that, George.
(George walks to the door.)
George: I urge you to stop.
Decker: Thanks for everything. Sorry you won’t be on the team. Maybe next time. (George leaves and shuts the door.) Too bad. He used to be a good man. I’m afraid we’re going to have to liberate George.
(Another man at the table nods and gets up.)
Don: Liberate? You mean liquidate?
Decker: All right, lets see that film on blinding techniques. Then we’ll all have some lunch, all right?
(High School Science Fair)
(A middle aged man enters and is immediately surrounded by parents and students. He signs a couple of autographs.)
Old Lady: Are you Dr. Hathaway?
Hathaway: Yes, I am.
Old Lady: I just love your television show.
Hathaway: Thank you very much.
Old Lady: Tell me, what is Mr. Einstein really like?
Hathaway: Dead.
(A young boy, Mitch, is explaining to his parents what his science project is about.)
Mitch: See dad, lasers. Light amplification by stimulating emissions with radiation. So this is coherent light.
Dad: Oh, so it talks, right?
Mitch: No.
(Dr. Hathaway walks up.)
Mom: Oh! Dr. Hathaway, what a surprise.
Hathaway: (shakes her hand with as smile) How are you doing?
Mom: There’s nothing wrong with Mitch’s test scores? If there is it’s because I had the flu and I couldn’t make him a decent breakfast that morning. I tried to make him waffles…
Hathaway: Well I thought I’d fly in and bring you the good news myself. I just got word from the admissions committee…(smiles) We did it. Mitch is into Pacific Tech.
Dad: Hey! Way to go Mitchy! That’s my boy. (Ruffles his head.)
Mom: Don’t shake his head. Don’t ever shake his head.
Hathaway: How’re you doing Mitch?
Mitch: Fine.
Hathaway: (re: Science project) Nice display here.
Mitch: Thanks. It’s a flash lamp pump ultraviolet laser at 342 nanometers. Well, as you know there is considerable interest in the atomic iodine laser fusion. This is molecular iodine therefore this laser doesn’t suffer from the problems of the recombination of the atomic iodine.
Hathaway: (to parents) You must be very proud.
Mom: (smiles) Proud.
Dad: Oh yeah, sure.
Hathaway: Mitch is the first student we’ve ever accepted for mid-winter term at Pacific Tech.
Dad: Well, I imagine he’s the youngest.
Hathaway: Actually the youngest we’ve ever had was 12. But he cracked under the pressure within six months.
Mom: Mitch is fifteen. There’s not going to be any problem with that.
Dad: Say there Doc, about this scholarship…you’re gonna give him a signing bonus.
Hathaway: No. But by allowing him to progress at an accelerated rate we give him the opportunity to use a far greater portion of his remarkable intellectual potential.
Mom: Dr. Hathaway, I saw your show the other night on radioactive isotopes, and I’ve got a question for you.
Hathaway: Yes?
Mom: Is that your real hair?
Dad: Yeah?
Hathaway: (smiles) Tell me, is Mitch by any chance adopted?
Mom: Why no.
Hathaway: Amazing.
Mom: Isn’t it?
Dad: If I don’t get something to eat I’m gonna die. Come on.
Mom: Bye, Dr. Hathaway.
Hathaway: Good bye.
(The parents leave.)
Mitch: They’re really all right. It’s just that sometimes they have no idea what I’m talking about.
Hathaway: I’m sure about that. So tell me Mitch are you going to miss your friends?
Mitch: Well, no. I think I intimidate other kids.
Hathaway: Good boy. (Mitch looks surprised.) Mitch, there’s something that you’re going to have to understand, compared to you most people have the IQ of a carrot. (Mitch smiles.) We’re different from most people. Better.
(The old lady walks up again.)
Old Lady: Oh there you are!
Hathaway: Hi. Yes, one second. (to Mitch) I’ve decided to put you on my own research team with some of the finest minds on the campus. This is only the second time I’ve ever given this honor to a freshman.
Mitch: The first one was Chris Knight in 1981, right?
Hathaway: You’ve heard of Chris?
Mitch: Well yes. He’s a legend in the National Physics Club.
Hathaway: Well you’re going to be working with Chris. He’s a senior now and as brilliant as he ever was.
Mitch: Oh…wow.
(Darlington – Outside)
(Two pairs of feet can be seen walking towards some steps. One is in dress shoes, and obviously a suit. The other is wearing a pair of funky tennis shoes. We pan up and see that this is Chris. He’s dressed very casually, wearing a t-shirt that says I Love Toxic Waste. He is also wearing a pair of antenna.)
Man: As soon as you graduate this job is waiting for you.
Chris: Good.
Man: We have a complete physical plan over here.
Chris: Do you have a jacuzzi?
Man: Absolutely.
Chris: Good.
Man: And the labs and offices are right over this way. (points) Follow me please.
(Offices)
(The man and Chris enter the building. They are met by an older man and an attractive blond.)
Man: Guys, I want you to meet Chris Knight. Chris, this is my assistant Sherry Mitchell.
(They shake hands.)
Chris: Nice to meet you.
Sherry: Likewise.
Man: And this is Mike Dodd.
Chris: Dr. Dodd.
Man: The one who just designed our brand new TEL-COMM satellite.
(Dodd and Chris shake hands.)
Chris: It’s an honor to meet you, sir. TEL-COMM. Isn’t that the satellite that’s raining debris all over Europe?
Dodd: Why is that toy on your head?
Chris: Because if I wear it anywhere else it chafes. (takes it off) I’m sorry. It’s just, I just didn’t want you to think that I was stuffy...no fun. You know, all brain no penis.
(Sherry starts laughing.)
Man: Pardon me?
Chris: I’m sorry, it’s just an infantile response to authority.
Man: Yes. You are Christ Knight aren’t you?
Chris: I hope so, I’m wearing his underwear.
Man: I get it! It’s a joke!
(They all laugh.)
Chris: Well I can’t help it, you’re all such fun yourselves.
Man: Well we try to be. Isn’t that right, Mike?
Dodd: No. (walks off)
Man: Sherry can show you around and answer any questions you might have about benefits, dress codes…and I’ll see you back upstairs in my office in a little bit. Okay?
Chris: Okay.
Man: Sherry, take good care of this young man. He’s one of the ten finest minds in the country.
Chris: Someday I hope to be two of them. (Pause. Then they all laugh. The man walks off.) (to Sherry) You are very beautiful.
Sherry: Thank you.
Chris: How’d I come off? Too stuffy?
Sherry: Well, you certainly don’t talk like one of the top ten minds of America.
Chris: Really? How many of them have you met?
Sherry: Seven. You make eight. Professor Hostedler at MIT was number six.
Chris: Oh, Professor Hostedler? Isn’t he dead?
Sherry: (with meaning) He is now.
(She turns around and walks up the stairs. Chris is intrigued and he follows.)
(Pacific Tech – Outside)
(Mitch approaches an older woman who is holding a tea cup.)
Mitch: Excuse me?
Woman: Yes?
Mitch: I’m looking for the President’s Freshman Tea?
Woman: Oh, I’m so glad we have one then.
(She leads him over to an older man.)
Woman: Jean, this is Mitch Taylor.
Dr. Meredith: Ah, Professor Hathaway’s bright star.
Mitch: Yes, sir.
Dr. Meredith: And you’re already on his project. We’re told to expect great things from you.
Mitch: I hope so, sir.
Dr. Meredith: Oh, a bit of advice…
(Mitch pulls out a small pad of paper and a pen.)
Mitch: Thank you.
Dr. Meredith: Always…never…forget to check your references.
Mitch: (smiles) Oh, okay. Thank you. I better be going. (He leaves.)
Dr. Meredith: I think the young people enjoy it when I “get down” verbally. Don’t you?
(Dorm)
(Mitch walks in and heads for his room. He passes by several students on his way there.)
Student: (sarcastic) Nice jacket, sport.
(Mitch’s Room)
(Mitch walks into the room and goes to his bed. He opens his suitcases and sees that they are empty. He looks around for his clothes but doesn’t see them. As he’s looking around a middle aged man walks in and pauses to look at him. The man says nothing, just goes to the closet. He opens the closet steps inside and shuts the door.)
Mitch: Hello? (He opens the closet door, but there is no one inside. The man is gone. Mitch feels the walls for a moment before shutting the door in puzzlement.) What kind of place is this?
(As he turns he sees Chris standing upside down in the doorway.)
Chris: Hi! Would you be prepared if gravity reversed itself?
Mitch: Well, I…
(Chris gets up and stands correctly.)
Chris: The only thing I haven’t figured out is how to keep the change in my pocket. (pause and smile) I’ve got it…nudity.
(He goes and sits down in a chair and picks up a device.)
Mitch: I was here for a second this morning…
Chris: You didn’t straighten up the place did you?
Mitch: No.
Chris: Good. Because all my filth is in alphabetical order. (holds up the device) This for example is under “H” for toy.
Mitch: What is that?
Chris: This? It’s a penis stretcher. Want to try it?
Mitch: No!
Chris: I’m kidding. (He sets the device on the floor and puts a type of ball into the device.) It’s yet another in a long list of diversions in an attempt to avoid responsibility.
(He picks up a remote control device and pushes a button, and ball is launched into the air and he controls it with the remote.)
Mitch: I dropped off my luggage and now all my bags are empty.
Chris: You see Mitch, I used to be you. And lately I’ve been missing me, so I asked Hathaway if I could room with me again and he said “Sure.” So I put all your clothes away in the bottom drawer there…shirts, pants, shoes…I had a little trouble with the sport jacket so I threw it out. Duck! (Mitch ducks as the ball goes flying by.) Nice reflexes! I’m Chris Knight.
Mitch: (gets up) Oh no.
Chris: Oh yes! Duck again! (The ball ends up breaking the window as it flies outside. Chris rushes to the window.) Oh my god!! It’s heading for the gas tanks! (He throws Mitch to the ground and falls down beside him. He then calmly leans up on his elbows.) Would you classify that as a launch problem or a design problem?
(Street)
(Hathaway is in the car with Don. Don is driving.)
Don: Well we’re falling way behind, Jerry.
Hathaway: We’re not making cheese sandwiches. (They pass by a man and he puts a newspaper in front of Don’s face.) All right get down!
(The car swerves.)
Don: Hey! What the hell are you doing?! Are you crazy? You could have killed us.
Hathaway: As one of the Dean’s I cannot be seen with you.
Don: I know, Jerry. But since I’m the one driving don’t you think you should be the one to hide?
Hathaway: He saw me.
(They pull up to Hathaway’s house. There is some work being done on the house.)
Don: Jerry, look the reason I came here is to tell you that the client has changed. We need a working model within four months, not eighteen.
Hathaway: You can’t dictate innovation, Don.
Don: Well let me put it another way. You know all the money we’ve been spending on developing, Jerry?
Hathaway: Yeah.
Don: Well, when a project gets cut off the finance boys always run an audit.
Hathaway: I see.
(He gets out of the car.)
Don: Having a little work done on the old place, huh Jerry? Fraud is a felony.
(Don drives off. Hathaway walks toward the house.)
Hathaway: (to construction people) What are you looking at? You’re laborers. You’re supposed to be laboring. That’s what you get for not having an education. (a big dog runs up.) Get out of here! Go on. Go on! Get out of here! (The dog runs off.)
(Pacific Tech – Lab Building)
(Mitch is walking down a hallway looking for a specific room. He finds it and goes inside. There are three other guys in the room. The room is darkened and they are working with a laser.)
Kent: Hey!
Mitch: Yes?
Kent: Just put down the sandwiches and go.
Mitch: Me?
Kent: No, Yoda. Yeah you.
Mitch: Well, I don’t have any.
Carter: Brains?
Mitch: No, sandwiches.
Kent: Well then what good are you?
Carter: What are we supposed to eat?
(Kent turns on the lights.)
Kent: Look are you or are you not from the restaurant?
Mitch: No, I’m Mitch Taylor. I’m a student. Dr. Hathaway told me to come up here.
Kent: Oh, so you’re the new stud are you? (he turns of the laser)
Mitch: How do you mean?
Bodie: Stud. Hotshot. Brain. You’re twelve years old, right?
Mitch: I’m fifteen. Are you expecting him?
Kent: Yeah, any minute. Can I get you something?
Mitch: I’m supposed to take a look at your work up to date. Check it over.
Kent: Check it over?
Mitch: Yeah.
Kent: For what?
Mitch: Mistakes I guess. He said you guys were stuck.
Kent: (walks over to him) No, no, no. Let’s get something very clear, okay? When Jerry’s not here you do what I say. It goes from God, to Jerry, to me. Get it? (Dr. Hathaway walks in.) Hello, Jerry!
Hathaway: I told you before, Kent, you don’t get to use my first name.
Kent: Oh, did I?
Hathaway: How’re you doing Mitch? Now I’m sure you’re all going to become fast friends.
Kent: We’re well on our way already.
Hathaway: Good. Because after Mitch is brought up to date I want the rest of you to take your cues from him. His ideas on efficient florescent compounds are the most original I’ve seen. So from now on, Mitch is going to be in charge of the group.
Kent: Really, Jerry…
Hathaway: You’re doing it again.
Kent: Oh, am I?
Hathaway: Where’s Knight?
Kent: Oh he didn’t bother to come in today.
(Bodie raises his hand.)
Hathaway: Yes, Bodie.
Bodie: He said he didn’t feel like it. And I said “you better”. And he said “or what?”. And I said “or else you’re gonna be in trouble”. And he said “Jam it”.
Hathaway: That’s a remarkable story, Bodie. I noticed you’ve stopped stuttering.
Bodie: I’ve been giving myself shock treatments.
Hathaway: Up the voltage. (to Mitch) I’m sorry he isn’t here…
Carter: That clown! We heard he wasn’t coming. Kent decided to start without him. We find the florescent yield insignificant and we think the samples been damaged.
Hathaway: What?
(Mitch starts looking closely at the laser on the table.)
Kent: Well obviously the result of negligence. It’ll take us at least another week to prepare another sample and I was afraid something like this might happen.
Hathaway: Are you sure about this?
Kent: Oh we’re sure all right.
Carter: Positive.
Mitch: Excuse me?
Kent: I mean there’s simply no excuse for it.
Mitch: (louder) Excuse me?
Hathaway: Yeah, Mitch. What is it?
Mitch: I think the pump laser is down. This doesn’t look right. Look. (He taps the laser and it gets brighter.) There.
Hathaway: Well, it seems to be all better now.
Carter: Ah, sh…
Hathaway: Damn it! (to Carter) Don’t touch other peoples things. Kent, I need you.
Kent: Anything, Jerry. (Hathaway gives him a look.) What? Oh, you want me to teach your Sophomore class for you?
Hathaway: No, I need you to do some duplicating. Get copies made of all the data so far so that young Mitch here can get started. He’s going to check everything tomorrow.
Kent: It’d be my pleasure.
Hathaway: And after that stop by my cleaners.
Kent: Don’t give it a thought. I enjoy it.
Hathaway: All right, Mitch. Shall we here? We’ll give them a moment.
Mitch: Sure.
(Mitch and Hathaway leave.)
Bodie: Well, I guess it goes from God, to Jerry, to you, to the cleaners. Right, Kent?
(Kent rolls his eyes.)
(Dorm)
(Mitch is in his room looking up a location. He finds what he’s looking for and opens the door to head out. He immediately falls over into a big pile of ice. He looks around and the entire hallway and rec room have a thick layer of ice on the floor. Chris skates up to him.)
Chris: Welcome to Pacific Tech. Smart people on ice. (He helps Mitch up.) Let’s go skating. (He skates Mitch down the hallway towards the rec room.) Ick, the ice turned out so great!
Ick: (smiles) Yeah, it worked, didn’t it?
Chris: How did you do it?
Ick: Oh sure. I tell you and you tell someone else, and the next thing you know we’re in the middle of another ice age.
(Chris mock chokes him and then skates down the hallway, past another student in a bathrobe.)
Chris: Come on! Everybody must be skating!
Student: That’s cause you’re a slack Knight.
Chris: Moles and trolls!
Mitch: What?
(Chris skates back over to him.)
Chris: Moles and trolls, moles and trolls. Work, work, work, work. They never see the light of day. We plan this thing for weeks and all they want to do is study. I’m disgusted. I’m sorry, but this is not like me. I’m depressed. We had what, no one at the mutant hamster races. We had one entry for the Madam Curie look alike contest and he was disqualified later. Why do I bother? (He skates over to the window and yells out.) Let’s go…what are you a bunch of weirdos??
Ick: (to Mitch) Would you like a cherry? (He pulls out a cherry the size of a cantaloupe.) I grow them myself.
Mitch: What?
(Another student is at the top of the stairs which is covered with a ramp. She’s on a sort of sled. She has a helmet on and gives the thumbs up for two other students to push the sled down the stairs. It comes flying down, and then slides off to the side and tips over. She falls out.)
Mitch: Are you okay?
(He helps her up and she takes of the helmet. She speaks very fast.)
Student: No, not emotionally, no I’m not. I’m disappointed, not terribly but still. It should have gone much further, much faster. It’s okay though, I know what the problem is. It’s obviously the drag co-efficient. (She rightens the sled.) I just have to fix the blades. I can do that, no problem. I could do that here, but for their design I have to cut them and that takes tools. Time. Do you know how much longer this stuff is supposed to last?
Ick: Maybe another half an hour.
Student: Good. That’s good. Okay. (to Mitch) What’s your name?
Mitch: Mitch.
Student: Oh, thank you for your help. Okay, I’ll see you later. Okay, bye.
(She pushes the sled past them.)
Mitch: You’re welcome. (to Ick) Who was that?
Ick: Oh that was…
(The student comes back up to them.)
Student: I’m Jordan. I forgot to tell you my name, I’m Jordan. I heard there was going to be someone new this term, are you it?
Mitch: Yeah.
Jordan: Do you a bed?
Mitch: Yeah. (frowns in confusion)
Jordan: I was gonna make you one if you didn’t have one. But you have okay. Okay, I’ll see you later. Okay, bye.
(She quickly leaves again.)
Mitch: Bye.
(Kent walks up with his arms full of papers.)
Kent: What’s all this supposed to be?
Chris: This, this is ice. It’s what happens to water when it gets too cold. (points at Kent) This is Kent. This is what happens to people when they get too sexually frustrated.
(Kent tosses the papers at Mitch.)
Kent: This should keep you busy for a while. This plus your regular class load should turn your brain to tapioca in less than a month.
Chris: Oh, Kent, that is so unfair. And we were going to make you King of the Winter Carnival.
Kent: Yeah? (Chris gives Ick and Mitch a look and they laugh.) Oh ha, ha, ha. (to Ick) And I suppose you’re in on this too. Did you make this stuff?
Ick: I’m not saying.
Kent: Well who’s gonna clean it up?
Ick: You won’t have to. It’s gonna go from solid form directly to gas.
Kent: Whoa, really? (looks at the ice) What is it?
Ick: I’m not saying. But I can tell you that it’s fairly rare and very unstable.
Chris: Just like you.
Kent: (heads for his room) You’re all just a bunch of degenerates.
Chris: We are? What about that time I found you naked with a bowl of jell-o?
Kent: You did not!
Chris: This is true.
(Mitch and Ick laugh.)
Kent: I was hot and I was hungry, okay? Anyway, I got news for you. You’re not number one around here anymore.
Chris: Number one what?
Kent: Mighty Mouse over here beat your placement scores by over 20 points.
Chris: Oh yeah, ya did? Well I guess you think you’re pretty hot stuff huh?
Mitch: No, I…
Chris: Yeah, well hey maybe you are smarter than me. But can you do this? (He does a little pirouette and then attempts to skate up the ramp on the stairs but the ice is turning into gas and he falls down.) Whoa! Ick, what’s happening with the ice? (pause as he’s covered by the smoky gas) Ick, I’m melting. I’m melting!
Ick: (putting on his goggles) It worked!
Mitch: That’s great!
Ick: Now if we can just keep it from exploding!
Kent: Explode? Explode…oh God.
(He runs into his room and Ick laughs.)
Chris: Hey Ick, you were just joking about exploding, right? (no answer) Ick? It was a joke right?
(Mitch & Chris’s Room)
(Mitch is asleep in bed, surrounded by a bunch of papers. He wakes up as the mysterious man comes into the room and heads for the closet. Mitch pretends to be asleep. The guy glances at him then goes into the closet and shuts the door. Mitch gets up and quickly goes over to the closet, but when he opens it it’s empty. He shuts the closet door and glances over at Chris who’s still asleep.)
(Men’s Room)
(Mitch goes into the men’s room and prepares to relieve himself. Another student exits from a stall and heads for the door. As that student leaves, Jordan rushes in carrying a sweater. As usual she speaks very quickly.)
Jordan: Oh good morning! (Mitch quickly covers himself by turning to the side.) I thought I saw you come in here. We met last night. Remember, I had the sled with me. I’m Jordan. Oh here, I made you a sweater.
(She holds it up.)
Mitch: Last night?
Jordan: Yeah, it’s just something I do with my hands. I hope I got the size right. (She goes behind him to hold up the sweater to his back.) I’m pretty sure I did. (She goes back to where she was standing.) I have a brother and I use him for a sizing comparison, and I have a pretty good eye for that kind of thing and so I just went ahead and made you one, cause you know I was up. (pause) Are you peeing?
Mitch: Yeah.
Jordan: Oh. I never sleep, I don’t know why. I had a roommate and I drove her nuts. I mean really nuts. They had to take her away in an ambulance and everything. But she’s okay now. But she had to transfer to an easier school. But I don’t know if that had anything to do with being my fault. But listen, if you ever need to talk or anything because I’m just a couple doors down from you guys and I never sleep, okay?
Mitch: Thanks, I will.
Jordan: Are you done?
Mitch: Uh, I can’t start.
Jordan: Because I’m here?
Mitch: I think so.
Jordan: Weird. Well I have to go. (rushes out)
Mitch: Me too. Bye.
(Later)
(Mitch comes out of his bed room fully dressed. Chris is in the kitchenette, wearing only his boxers and some bird slippers.)
Chris: Good morning.
(Mitch walks over to him. Chris pulls something out of the freezer and goes over to the table with it.)
Mitch: Hey, Chris.
Chris: Morning.
(Chris pulls something out of a container. It looks like a small tube of ice.)
Mitch: You know, something strange happened to me this morning.
Chris: Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of Sun God robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?
Mitch: (amused) No.
Chris: Why am I the only person who has that dream?
(He goes back to what he was doing. He’s using some kind of device to cut the tube into small slivers the size of quarters.)
Mitch: Is that liquid nitrogen?
Chris: Uh huh. Coffee?
Mitch: No.
(Chris goes over to the nearby coffee machine and uses the liquid nitrogen as change. He chooses the coffee option and a little cup drops down and begins to fill with coffee.)
Chris: So what happened?
Mitch: Did you know there’s a guy living in our closet?
(Chris picks up the coffee and takes a sip.)
Chris: You’ve seen him too?
Mitch: Who is he?
(Chris gets a candy bar from the vending machine.)
Chris: Holyfeld.
Mitch: Why does he keep going into our closet?
Chris: Why do you keep going into our closet?
Mitch: To get my clothes, but that’s not why he goes in there.
Chris: Of course not. He’s twice your size, your clothes would never fit him.
(Chris walks past him towards their room.)
Mitch: Yeah…
Chris: Think before you ask these questions, Mitch. Twenty points higher than me, and he thinks a big guy like that can wear his clothes?
(Mitch chuckles as Chris goes back to his room.)
(Montage)
(Mitch in class taking notes. Mitch in a lab with other students working on a project. Mitch, Chris, and Hathaway in the main lab working on the laser. Mitch in his bedroom working on homework. Holyfeld comes out of the closet and Mitch watches him through a small mirror. Holyfeld leaves the room, but when Mitch goes to follow him Jordan enters with a machine she built that turns the pages of books. Mitch leaving the dorm heading for class. Mitch getting to class and seeing that half the class is gone and have left tape recorders to record the lecture. Mitch crossing the street while reading a book. Kent drives up and honks at him making Mitch drops his books. Mitch bends down to get his books while Kent is motioning him to hurry up. Mitch gives him a dirty look. Chris and Mitch working on the laser, thinking that it’s working, but then it catches on fire briefly. Mitch in class. He’s the only student present. The rest of the desks have tape recorders. Mitch leaving the library. He stumbles on some steps and drops his books. Holyfeld comes up and helps him pick up his stuff and then walks away. Mitch quickly tries to follow him, but he’s gone. Mitch walks into Dr. Hathaway’s class as it’s ending and goes over to Chris. Mitch working alone in the main lab and having some success with the laser. Mitch walking into his classroom and seeing that everyone, even the teacher is gone. The teacher has left a large tape recorder on his desk to give the lecture.)
(Dorm – Mitch & Chris’s Room)
(Mitch is at the desk studying. He pauses and turns around to look at the closet door, which is slightly ajar. He gets up and goes over to the closet. He moves aside the stuff hanging in there and begins pressing and pounding on the closet walls, trying to find a loose one or secret panel. Nothing happens. He decides to close the closet door and when he does a secret panel does open. He sees the words “This Is It” with an arrow pointing to the right.)
Mitch: This is it.
(He goes into the wall and follows the arrow. He looks and sees a tiny metal car of sorts. He goes and climbs in. As soon as he does the car begins to lower to another level. The car reaches the bottom and we can see that he’s definitely under the college now. All kinds of pipes are nearby. The car begins to move forward. It comes to a turn, and turns left. Mitch sees a skull and crossbones flag hanging over what appears to be a drop off. He tries to climb out of the car but before he can the car begins to lower to yet another level. The car comes to a complete stop and so Mitch gets out. He goes down a nearby hallway and sees Hollyfeld in his pajamas. Mitch hides behind some pipes. Hollyfeld has a nice setup. He’s got a computer, microwave, and several other machines running. Mitch glances at one that appears to be filling out and spitting out tickets. Mitch watches Hollyfeld again.)
(Hathaway’s House)
(Chris is standing outside eating some popcorn out of a bag. Hathaway comes jogging up. A rather large dog is laying down in the lawn. Hathaway sees him.)
Hathaway: Go on! Get out of here! Get out of here! (The dogs gets up and runs off.) Go on!
Chris: You wanted to see me your joggingness?
Hathaway: Mr. Knight, you’re right on time. That’s a little unusual these days. You still run?
Chris: Only when chased.
(Hathaway goes up the steps to the front door, but turns around.)
Hathaway: What’s that smell?
(Chris smells himself.)
Chris: Must be the dog.
Hathaway: That’s popcorn.
Chris: Yes, sir. I know.
Hathaway: Get it away from me. I can’t stand popcorn. I hate popcorn. (points to the trash) Come on, put it over there. (goes into the house)
Chris: Good, now I know what to get you for your birthday.
(Chris drops the bag on the porch before following Hathaway inside.)
(Inside)
(Chris looks around at the work that’s been done on the inside of the house. There is a man working on the banister of the stairs.)
Chris: I guess we’re moving up in the world, huh Jerry? Very elegant.
Hathaway: Thank you. Try not to touch anything.
Worker: Is this okay, sir?
Hathaway: It’s oak, it’s not plywood for God’s sakes.
(He walks over to his office door and begins to take off his shoes.)
Chris: It’s quite a change from the old place.
Hathaway: Shoes. (Chris takes his shoes off as well.) Look I want to start seeing more of you in the lab.
Chris: Fine. I’ll gain weight.
Hathaway: You’re very funny.
Chris: Thanks Jerry, I try.
(They go into Hathaway’s office.)
Hathaway: You can sit. (He goes to sit at his desk and Chris plops down in a chair in front of it.) You know, when I first brought you into this school I thought you were going to be another Einstein, and you were well on your way. And then…
Chris: I got a haircut.
Hathaway: You’re disappointing me, Chris.
Chris: And you me, Jerry.
Hathaway: Look, it’s about our deal…
Chris: I know, Jerry, and I have advanced your project more than any three students on campus.
Hathaway: That was yesterday. What have you done for me today? (Chris painfully tries to think of something.) I want 5 megawatts by mid-May.
(Chris laughs.)
Chris: Uh, Jerry…I think you may be getting a little obsessive about this now. I took in Mitch. He’s coming along fine. He’s working his guts out for you. So…what exactly do you want?
Hathaway: I want 5 megawatts by mid-May. Look I don’t care if you’re arrogant. (Chris smiles.) I don’t care if you’re disrespectful. (Chris smiles wider.) But your attitude’s distracting Mitch and that I won’t have. (Chris frowns.) The rules have changed. I want it by mid-May.
Chris: Jerry, I think you’re just forgetting about one little detail and that’s I’m out of here. I’m gone. I’m history. I’m Casper. I’m graduated. Me. Gone.
Hathaway: To graduate you need my course, dear boy. So it seems I have something to say about what you do and where you go. So from now on you and Mitch are going to spend every waking moment in the lab. You will solve my power problem and you will solve it by my deadline.
(Chris stands up.)
Chris: Jerry, if you think that by threatening me you can get me to be your slave, well…that’s where you’re right. But…I’m only saying this because I care…there are a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market that are just as tasty as the real thing.
Hathaway: I’m not kidding, Chris.
Chris: Neither am I, Jerry.
(Chris leaves.)
(Pacific Tech – Main Lab)
(Mitch is working there by himself. Chris walks in wearing a chef’s hat.)
Chris: Mitch. Taste this. (He holds out a spoonful of a pink substance that is in a beaker.) Come on, you won’t hurt my feelings. Just give it a try. (Mitch takes a bite.) What too sweet?
Mitch: What is it?
Chris: I don’t know. I found it in one of the labs. (Mitch immediately begins to clean his mouth out.) Relax. (grins) It’s just yogurt. (He takes a bite.) Mitch. Mitch, are you all right?
Mitch: No, I’m not. This combination of electrical plus chemical cyanide is dumb. We’re going in the wrong direction. You’re the only one who knows how to use this garbage and of course you’re never here. And finally I think I’m getting brain fried.
Chris: Okay, Mitch. I’m going to make it up to you. Let’s just pause, put that down. (Mitch puts down the screwdriver.) Let’s just take a step back. (They do.) No, I’m sorry, take a step forward. (They do.) Now take a step back. (They do.) Take a step forward. (They do.) Take a step back. (They do.)
Mitch: What are you…?
Chris: And then we’re Cha Cha-ing.
Mitch: Will you stop it! I’m serious.
(Chris takes his chef hat off.)
Chris: Okay, I’m serious too. All right. Let’s charge this baby up. Give me everything you’ve got. Come on.
Mitch: All right. But I gotta go in the cage and fix the capacitors first.
(Chris picks up the screwdriver.)
Chris: Okay, this is work time! (Mitch goes into the cage and Chris sneaks off to the side and set up a mirror.) How’re you doing there, Mitch?
Mitch: Fine. Don’t rush me.
(Chris is trying to get the little mirror set up correctly.)
Chris: Okay, just take your time. Everything’s fine. (He hurries back over to where he’s supposed to me.) What is taking so long?!
Mitch: (comes out of the cage) I’m coming! (They both flip some switches.) Charging.
(Chris hands Mitch some protective eyewear.)
Chris: You’ll need these.
(He goes and opens the door of the lab while pulling out a pair of sunglasses.)
Mitch: What are you doing?
Chris: Waiting.
(The lights suddenly go out, except for the red emergency lights.)
Mitch: Oh no!
Chris: Relax, it’s just the fuses at the substation. They’ll have it back on in a minute. Perhaps I shouldn’t have shorted across the building transformer. (goes to the main switch) But, more importantly…did we get a charge?
(He flips a switch and the laser comes on. There are several mirrors set up and they bounce the laser around to different points in the room.)
Mitch: What did you do? (Chris herds him towards the door.) Wait a minute…what…?
Chris: Come on, buddy! You said you wanted help, so here we go.
(Hallway)
(The laser travels down the hallway.)
Chris: Pretty lights.
Mitch: We have to work!
Chris: Yes, we’re going to work! Hard work.
Mitch: (looking around) This must have taken you hours.
(They continue to follow the laser.)
(Outside)
(The laser beam is going all the way across campus. People are looking at it, trying to figure it out.)
Guy: What’s this?
Chris: It’s a laser beam, bozo!
Guy: What’s it for?
Chris: Not what…where!
Guy: What?
Chris: Follow it!
Guy: Oh.
Chris: It’s a surprise.
(Lecture Hall – Outside)
(A few of the students plus Chris and Mitch have gathered outside of a lecture hall. This is where the beam stops.)
Chris: Like it?
Guy: What’s the beam splitter for?
(The beam splitter uses the beam to spell out some words.)
Chris: What’s the matter with you guys? Do you have to have everything spelled out for you?
(The guys watch as the words spelled out are “Tanning Invitational”. They all clap and then head inside.)
(Inside)
(There are quite a few people inside. A small pool & slide has been set up near the stage. There are a bunch of very attractive women dancing around in bikinis. The music is playing very loudly.)
Chris: Mula Falla, boys! Come on in! The South Pacific calls you.
Guy1: Who’re the girls?
Guy2: There not from around here. I’d know.
Chris: No, but they are from a nearby college.
Guy3: Which one?
Chris: The Wanda Trussler School of Beauty.
Guy: They’re beauticians?
Chris: Not yet.
Guy1: I don’t know…
Chris: These girls are not used to geniuses. You might impress them.
Guy1: I don’t see how.
Chris: Okay, okay. Given the type of people you are, and the environment you’re in…you have to admit the strong probability that this may be the only chance you will ever have in your entire lives to have sex. Think about it. Yeah! (He tosses a towel to the side and heads for the pool.)
(The rest of the guys, minus Mitch, head for the girls. Mitch puts on a cowboy hat and smiles. Kent sneaks in and sees what’s going on. Chris spots a very attractive girl and goes after her. She goes to the snack table and picks up a hamburger, but Chris won’t let her eat it.)
Chris: Don’t eat that.
Girl: Huh?
Chris: Don’t you know that eating that stuff can give you very large breasts. (He tosses the hamburger aside as he glances at her chest.) Oh my god! I’m too late!
(The girl giggles. She and Chris head off somewhere. Kent sneaks back out without being noticed.)
(TV Studio)
(Hathaway is preparing to tape his show “Everything”. He’s seated in a make-up chair having some make-up put on while Don stands behind him.)
Hathaway: Come on, Don. Don’t act as if I don’t want my own invention to work. But there are only so many hours in the day.
Woman: Ready to go, Dr. Hathaway.
(Hathaway gets up and faces Don.)
Hathaway: Pushing me doesn’t help. You’ll have to tell them that.
Don: Okay, well they want me to tell you that you need to start showing some results or they’re going to find someone else.
Hathaway: Oh really? Who?
Don: Then you won’t have your big toys to play with anymore.
Hathaway: I am the best, Don.
Woman: Five…
Hathaway: Who do you think you’re dealing with? How dare you…I have to go on. I mean, this whole conversation is in incredibly poor taste.
(Don walks away.)
Don: (muttering) Son of a bitch.
Woman: Two…
Hathaway: (muttering) Asshole.
(The lights come up and the cameras come on.)
Announcer: Welcome to Everything, with your host Jerome Hathaway. Funded by a grant from Darlington Electronic Instruments. And now, Dr. Hathaway.
Hathaway: Hi. I’m Jerry Hathaway with Everything. Tonight, we’re going to look at something that most of us take for granted. The colon, what does it look like? (He has to pause here because Kent has come in and is standing in front of the teleprompter.) Kent!
Kent: What?
Woman: CUT! You’re standing in front of the teleprompter. (She moves him out of the way.)
Kent: Well I didn’t know. (to Hathaway) There’s something I have to tell you.
Hathaway: Did you pick up my dry cleaning?
Kent: Yes, I did. But there’s something you should know.
Hathaway: The gravy stain?
Kent: No, no that came out. It’s about Chris and Mitch. They aren’t working. They’re at a party with girls.
Hathaway: I want you to show me where.
Kent: My pleasure.
(Pacific Tech – Lecture Hall)
(The party is still going full swing. Mitch is sitting down watching the others have a good time. As he glances at the door Jordan comes in wearing a diving suit and carrying what looks like an oxygen tank. Mitch smiles and she heads over to him.)
Jordan: Hi, are you busy?
Mitch: Yes! Oh…no, no.
Jordan: You want to help test my re-breather?
Mitch: Well…
Jordan: Come on! (She heads for the pool.)
Mitch: Sure!
(They both head over to the pool. Jordan takes off her shoes and gets into the water.)
Jordan: It’s actually a simple principle. It’s basically a filter. It let’s the CO2 out and the O2 back in. Like a plat, but no bubbles.
Mitch: How come you’re not…(motions to the others around)
Jordan: Necking? I’m not gay!
Mitch: No…partying!
Jordan: Oh! Because I’m 19, and I’m brilliant, and I’m hyper kinetic. So guys are a little afraid. Probably if I stopped to think about it I’d be upset.
Mitch: I think you’re really nice.
Jordan: (smiles) I think you’re nice too. (She holds up her re-breather) Do you want to try this? (Mitch takes it but it’s too heavy and he falls into the water.) It’s lighter in the water.
Mitch: How about you?
(He tosses her into the water and goes down with her. Hathaway and Kent come into the hall. Hathaway cuts the music.)
Hathaway: Taylor!
(Mitch is trying the re-breather underwater but can hear Hathaway.)
Hathaway: Taylor! (Mitch quickly comes out of the water.) You were supposed to be in the lab tonight, working.
Mitch: I was I just got…
Hathaway: You’re at Pacific Tech to work, not to play doctor.
Mitch: I was working! I just got delayed…
Hathaway: Yeah, where’s Knight?
Kent: You both make me sick!
Hathaway: Kent!
Kent: What? Yes. Oh…
Hathaway: I took a big chance recommending a 15 year old. I can see now that I made a mistake. I hope you’re proud of yourself.
(He and Kent start to leave.)
Guy3: Dr. Hathaway?
Hathaway: What?
Guy3: Are you wearing make-up?
(Hathaway walks off with Kent quickly following. The other students turn the music back up. Mitch gets fully out of the water and leaves Jordan behind.)
(Lab)
(Mitch is working alone and getting very frustrated.)
(Hallway)
(Kent, Carter, and Bodie are heading for the lab when Mitch comes out and slams the door. He walks past them and heads for another room. Kent and the others sneak to the doorway to listen to what Mitch is doing. Mitch can be heard dialing a phone.)
Mitch: (into phone) Yes, I’d like to make a collect call to Mr. Bill Taylor.
(Kent motions for the others to follow him. They go into a room next door to the lab. The camera pans and we see Mitch talking on the phone.)
Mitch: Mom, I want to come home.
(Second Lab)
(We see that Kent has tapped the phone and is listening in on Mitch’s conversation, and recording it.)
Mitch: (on phone) Mom are you there?
Mom: (on phone) Baby, you sound upset. What’s wrong?
(Office)
Mitch: I don’t like it here anymore. I want to come home and live with you. (pause) You rented out my room?! Mom to who?
(Second Lab)
Mom: (on phone) You remember…
(Kent hands the phone to Bodie.)
(Dining Hall)
(Mitch is sitting along eating his lunch. Chris sits down beside him.)
Chris: Where were you last night?
Mitch: In the lab, where you were supposed to be.
Chris: Jordan said Hathaway came down on you. What exactly did he… (Mitch glares at him.) Let me hold on to that thought and I’ll get back to you.
(Chris leaves and Mitch goes back to eating. Suddenly Mitch’s voice comes over the PA.)
Mitch: (on PA) Mom? Mom, are you there?
Mom: (on PA) Baby, you sound upset. What’s wrong?
Mitch: (on PA) Mom, I don’t like it here anymore. I want to come home and live with you.
Mom: (on PA) It’s not for you to like. It’s for you to do. You’re fifteen years old now…
Mitch: (on PA) But I want to come home and live with you!
(Mitch is now thoroughly embarrassed as the kids turn to stare and laugh at him.)
Mom: (on PA) You want to live with me and Daddy?
Mitch: (on PA) Yeah, and dad too. I want to go back to high school…
(At this point Kent and his buddies are laughing very loudly.)
Mom: (on PA) Dad’s rented out your room.
Mitch: (on PA) You rented out my room, Mom?! To who?
Mom: (on PA) You remember Mr. Efferet. He’s the plumber.
Mitch: (on PA) Well can’t Mr. Efferet and I share it? Mom, I don’t want to stay here anymore!
Mom: (on PA) Now Mitchie! That doesn’t sound like Mama’s little soldier.
Dad: (on PA) Mitch, it’s you’re dad.
Mitch: (on PA) Hey dad.
Dad: (on PA) Are you crying?
Mitch: (on PA) Yeah…
Dad: (on PA) Well, as long as nobody sees you…
Mitch: (on PA) I’m just a kid!
Dad: (on PA) You’ve never been “just a kid”.
(Dorm – Chris & Mitch’s Room)
(Mitch is packing his suitcases. Chris comes in and sees what he’s doing, but says nothing. He goes over and gets some water from the water dispenser.)
Chris: Well…if you want to leave…go ahead. But, uh, you’re gonna miss the fun.
Mitch: What fun?
Chris: Ick invented a new virus and we’re going to release it in Kent’s room. (grins)
Mitch: The other night I needed your help and all you wanted to do was party!
Chris: I did help you. I tried to help you relax.
Mitch: Being snubbed by beauticians is not my idea of relaxing.
Chris: Student beauticians.
Mitch: You know, I thought this place was going to be different. But it’s just the same! In High School they stuffed me in a mailbox. Did I tell you that?!
Chris: My teachers used to hate me because I was smarter than they were. Students hated me because I blew the Bell curve. Does that sound familiar? Mitch, I used to be just like you. My mother used to dress me in white shirts and Hush Puppies and made me carry a briefcase guaranteeing that a girl would never talk to me. And when I first came here for three years I studied all the time.
Mitch: You?
Chris: Yeah. And then one night I was sitting in this chair (sits down) right here and I had a vision.
Mitch: What?
Chris: Hollyfeld.
Mitch: The guy in the closet?
Chris: Laslo Hollyfeld. And I followed him into the closet and down into the steam tunnels, and there I saw the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my life.
Mitch: What?
Chris: Hollyfeld in his pajamas.
Mitch: (rolls his eyes) So?
Chris: So, I talked to him.
Mitch: You did?
Chris: Yeah, and he used to be the number one stud around here in the 70’s. (whispers) Smarter than you and me put together.
Mitch: So what happened? Did he crack?
Chris: Yes, Mitch. He cracked, severely.
Mitch: Why?
Chris: He loved his work.
Mitch: Well what’s wrong with that.
Chris: There’s nothing wrong with that, but that’s all he did. He loved solving problems, he loved coming up with the answers. But, he thought that the answers were the answer for everything. Wrong. All Science no Philosophy. So then one day someone tells him that the stuff he’s making was killing people.
Mitch: So what’s your point? Are you saying I’m going to end up in a steam tunnel?
Chris: Yeah.
Mitch: What?
Chris: You are, if you keep up like this. Mitch, you don’t need to run away from here. When you’re smart people need you. Use your mind creatively.
Mitch: (smiles) I noticed you don’t study too hard.
Chris: (smiles) Bingo.
Mitch: Yeah, but if I stay, what should I do?
Chris: The first thing you should do is get even with Kent. It’s a moral imperative.
(They both grin.)
Mitch: Yeah.
Chris: YEAH!! (laughs a certain way) Now you try it.
Mitch: Yeah!! (laughs the same way.)
Chris: Now (picks up some clothes out of the suitcase) let’s unpack!
Mitch: Right!
(He picks up some clothes and they both toss them up in the air, and Chris laughs again.)
(Outside Dorm – Night)
(Kent drives up and he and Carter get out of the car. Jordan is sitting on the steps pretending to read a book.)
Carter: Yeah, but Knight’s got that locked.
Kent: Well maybe he doesn’t.
(They go right past Jordan without even glancing at her.)
Jordan: Okay, psssst! Come on! Come on, you guys. He’s gone!
(Mitch, Chris, and Ick all come out of the bushes. They head over to Kent’s car with a bunch of tools. Chris motions to Kent’s license plate.)
Chris: Kent puts his name on his license plate.
Mitch: My mother does the same thing with my underwear.
Chris: Your mother puts license plates in your underwear? How do you sit?
(They begin to work on the car.)
(Dorm – Day)
(Kent walks down the hall towards his bedroom. He opens the door to find his car inside. The car is on the bed and the hydraulics have been hooked up so that it looks like the car is breathing as it goes up and down. Kent drops his books. Chris and Mitch stand behind him in the hallway.)
Chris: Hey Kent…that’s your car.
Mitch: Kent you know you’re not supposed to park that on campus.
Kent: (to Chris) You know this isn’t funny. You’ve gone too far this time.
Chris: (with his arm around Mitch) I had help. (smiles)
Kent: You huh? Well I’m gonna get you guys. Dr. Hathaway’s going to hear all about this. You know you’ll rue the day.
(He walks away.)
Chris: “Rue the day”? Who talks like that?
Mitch: I don’t know.
(Hathaway’s House – Night)
(Chris hops over the fence and runs up to the porch. He rings the doorbell and a very attractive young woman (Susan) answers.)
Chris: (grins) Wow. Hello.
Susan: Hi.
Chris: Well…(he walks past her into the house and she follows him) Listen, Jerry asked me to stop by. What did he ask you to do?
Susan: What?
Chris: Which word didn’t you understand?
Susan: Are you here for the meeting?
Chris: What meeting?
Susan: I don’t know.
Chris: Okay.
Susan: Look, I’m just waiting.
Chris: Right.
(Hathaway’s study door opens and Decker, Don, and Hathaway come out.)
Decker: Finally what it comes down to is if you can’t do it we’ll have to find somebody else. I have a timetable.
Don: We’re really very close Dave. I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about. Everything’s going to be fine.
Decker: Don, try to remember you work for me. (to Hathaway) I think I’ve made my point, haven’t I?
Hathaway: Crystal clear. Really.
Chris: Anything I should know about boys?
Hathaway: I’ll be with you in a moment.
Decker: Good-bye, Jerry and good luck. Susan.
(Chris goes over to Susan to shake her hand.)
Chris: Well, I guess this is good-bye. I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to know you….I can’t stand it. (to Decker) Have you ever seen a body like this before in your life?
Decker: She happens to be my daughter.
Chris: Oh, well then I guess you have.
Decker: Coming, Don?
(They all head for the front door.)
Chris: No, seriously if there’s anything I can ever do for you…or more to the point to you, let me know, okay?
Susan: Can you hammer a six inch spike through a board with your penis?
Chris: Not right now.
Susan: A girls got to have her standards. (she smiles)
Decker: Susan.
(He, Susan, and Don leave. Chris walks over to Hathaway.)
Chris: Whew! That is a very smart girl.
Hathaway: What do you think you’re doing?
Chris: Well you said come over.
Hathaway: Stay off the rug! (They go into his office.) Take off your shoes.
Chris: What’s up, doc?
Hathaway: Sit down.
(Chris sits and begins to take off his shoes.)
Chris: Who were those guys?
Hathaway: You are no longer of any use to me!
Chris: Well that’s an interesting way to open up a conversation.
Hathaway: I’m giving Kent the Darlington job.
Chris: Did you suddenly find humor? You already gave me the job.
Hathaway: You need a degree.
Chris: I can pass your exam.
Hathaway: Even if you pass, you don’t pass. In fact I don’t see why you don’t leave the campus right now.
Chris: Okay, fine. (stands up) I will go to Dr. Meredith and the work I’ve done on the laser alone should merit a degree.
Hathaway: You can tell Meredith anything you like. Who do you think he’s going to believe, you or me?
Chris: You can’t do this.
Hathaway: It’s done. You’re out. Now get out! And I’ll make sure you never work in this field again!
Chris: You unbelievable bastard.
Hathaway: Count on it.
(Chris walks out.)
(Pacific Tech – Dorm – Balcony)
(Chris is sitting outside on a balcony looking up at the night sky. Mitch sees him through the window and comes out to sit beside him.)
Mitch: Whatcha doing?
Chris: Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates who said “I drank what?”
Mitch: (chuckles) Is there something wrong?
Chris: Hathaway’s going to flunk me out of school.
Mitch: Why?
Chris: I screwed up.
Mitch: What are you going to do?
Chris: I guess I’ll leave.
Mitch: You can’t do that! You’ll be a failure.
Chris: Thank you, Mitch.
Mitch: I mean, you just can’t leave. You owe me ten bucks. (Chris shakes his head.) You can’t quit now. If for no other reason than just to see a five megawatt laser fired, just once!
Chris: That would be nice.
Mitch: You gotta finish what you start.
Chris: Who said that?
Mitch: You know that.
Chris: That’s right, Mitch. But that is no way to motivate somebody.
Mitch: You have to get even with Jerry Hathaway. It’s a moral imperative.
Chris: (smiles) That’s a good point.
(Montage)
(Chris, Mitch, and Kent working in the lab. They aren’t having any success with the laser. Chris, Ick, and Jordan working/studying in the dining hall. Dr. Hathaway’s class. Chris comes in in the middle of the lecture and sits down. Kent glares at Chris. Hathaway glances down and sees Chris’s mouse slippers. He gives Chris a look but Chris just smiles. Chris and Mitch in their room studying. Laslo peeks out of the closet and watches them. Chris and Ick walking along studying a piece of paper. Chris, Kent, and Carter working in the lab. Kent and Carter leave and Chris continues to work. Chris studying outside. An attractive girl walks by and Chris almost begins to cry because he can’t go after her. Chris, Mitch, Jordan, Ick, and several other students studying in the Dorm. One of the students throws down his pencil, stands up, and begins screaming. He continues to scream as he runs out of the room. The others just watch him without batting an eyelash. After he’s gone Ick gets up from the couch and moves his things to the table where the guy was sitting. Chris asleep in the dining hall surrounded by books. Chris and Mitch in the lab working and having some success.)
(Dorm)
(Chris is studying, while Mitch has fallen asleep on his books. Mitch starts to moan “No” in his sleep.)
Chris: Mitch! Mitch. (Mitch wakes up.) Why don’t you get some sleep. It’s not like we’re driving or anything. You’re still a growing boy, I hope. (Laslo walks up with 3 containers of yellow pieces of paper.) Hey Laslo. (Laslo says nothing.) Laslo?
Laslo: Oh, that’s me. Hello. I’ve been watching you.
Chris: Thanks.
Laslo: Well, I thought you might need some help on the test. So I dug into the computer and came up with every question Hathaway’s ever asked on every final he’s ever given.
Chris: Gee, I didn’t get you anything. Are those they?
Laslo: No. These are entries into the Frito Lay Sweepstakes. No purchase necessary, enter as often as you want. So I am.
Chris: That’s great! How many times?
Laslo: Well this batch makes 1,650,000. I should win 32.6% of the prizes including the car.
Chris: That kinda takes the fun out of it doesn’t it?
Laslo: Well they set up the rules. Lately I’ve come to realize that I have certain materialistic needs.
Chris: So, um, where are the questions?
Laslo: I memorized them.
Chris: (nods) Sure.
Mitch: Whoa. Uh, I gotta go to sleep.
(He gets up to head back to his room.)
Laslo: Well did you want to borrow my pajamas?
Mitch: No, no. Thanks.
(Mitch leaves.)
Laslo: He’s a pretty smart kid.
Chris: Yeah.
Laslo: He’s going to grow five inches within the next year.
(Chris & Mitch’s Room)
(Mitch enters and it’s completely dark.)
Woman: Mitch?
Mitch: Jordan?
(Mitch turns on the light and sees Sherry Mitchell sitting in a chair in a red dress.)
Sherry: Mitch Taylor?
Mitch: Uh…who…?
Sherry: My name is Sherry Mitchell. I’ve been waiting three years for this.
Mitch: For what?
Sherry: For you to be old enough.
Mitch: For what?
Sherry: For this.
(She leans in and kisses him.)
(Jordan’s Room)
(Jordan is sanding her floors. She hears a faint knock on the door. She has to shout to be heard.)
Jordan: Come in! (Mitch comes in.) Oh hi, Mitch! I’m just sanding my floor!
Mitch: Can you turn that off a second?
(Jordan turns off the sander.)
Jordan: What happened? How come you’re up so late?
(She begins to do something else to the floor.)
Mitch: Well, I just got back from helping Chris and there was a woman in my room.
(Jordan stops what she’s doing and turns to face him.)
Jordan: Pardon?
Mitch: A woman. She was an adult.
Jordan: Oh.
Mitch: She wanted…She wanted to…Oh god, how can I say this as not to offend you?
Jordan: Jump you?
Mitch: Yeah.
Jordan: You made it with her?
Mitch: No, no. That’s what was so unbelievable.
Jordan: Pardon?
Mitch: It’s true. I stopped her. I told her I didn’t want to.
Jordan: Why?
Mitch: Because I really did want to.
Jordan: Huh?
Mitch: I wanted to, but not with her.
(Jordan looks at him until she understands. She smiles.)
Jordan: Oh!
(They kiss.)
(Hathaway’s Office)
(Don enters.)
Hathaway: This is my class hour, Don.
Don: It is the 10th of May, Jerry.
Hathaway: What is it, Don? What are you doing here?
Don: What am I doing here?! What are you doing here?! You don’t seem to realize…Decker is dangerous! Where is the laser?!
Hathaway: It’s coming.
Don: It’s coming? Ha! It’s not even breathing hard. Jerry, he wants the laser by the end of the week.
Hathaway: (gets up) Now you listen to me, you grovelling bug! (He grabs Don by the shirt.) I have exams! I’m doing the best I can, so get off my back!!
(Lab)
(Chris, Ken, Carter, and Bodie are working.)
Chris: (to laser) Well I guess that should about do it. So long as you (points) stay cool.
Carter: Let’s go girls!
Bodie: Wh…what do you mean by that?
Carter: It’s a figure of speak, Bodie. (Chris peeks into a brown lunch sack in his hand.) Are guys going to the exam or what?
Chris: Well I guess so. Seeing as how Hathaway’s gone to the trouble of having one and everything. (Carter and Bodie leave.) Coming, buddy boy?
Kent: Uh, I’ll catch up to you guys. I have to go to the bathroom.
Chris: Okay, Kent. But I don’t think that’s going to help your confidence any. Do you?
(He leaves. Kent reaches under the table and pulls out a small container of oil. He puts some on his fingers and then places his fingers on a clear lens in the laser.)
Kent: Buddy boy. Buddy boy. Let’s see how funny you think this is.
(Hathaway’s Classroom)
(Chris, Carter, and Bodie enter. The rest of the class is there and ready to take the exam. They sit down. Right as Hathaway is about to pass out the test Kent hurries in and sits down.)
Hathaway: All right. We have exactly three hours for this. And remember we believe in the honor system boys and girls. It will be readily apparent to me how many of you have absorbed the material and how many of you haven’t. Take one and pass it back, just like your IQ was normal.
Kent: (to Chris) Good luck, buddy boy.
Chris: Do you mind if I name my first child after you? Dipshit Knight has a nice ring to it.
(The test begins. Chris is working through the test very quickly. Kent keeps glancing over at him trying to keep up. He finally stops when Chris stares him down before going back to work on his own test. Chris finishes the test and takes it up to Hathaway’s desk. He hands him the test and a note. The note says “I Aced This”. Hathaway tears up the note and throws it away. Chris places an apple very gently on the desk before walking out. He plugs his ears as he does so. Hathaway waits until he’s out the door before picking up the apple and throwing it into the trash. The apple explodes.)
(Lab)
(Chris is working alone in the lab. He turns on the laser to test it, but because Kent put his oily fingerprints on the lens the laser begins to burn itself.)
Chris: No. No. No!!!
(Dorm)
(Chris is walking down the hallway when he passes Kent.)
Kent: My condolences on your meltdown, Knight.
Chris: What meltdown, Kent?
Kent: I’m not saying that you had one. Because how would I know. But just in case you do. (starts to walk off)
Chris: You slime.
Kent: It’s your own fault, Knight. Didn’t anyone ever tell you to make sure your optics were clean?
(Chris goes into the mini kitchen and kicks the refrigerator. The freezer door opens and he hits it. Some things fall to the floor, as Chris slides down to sit in front of the fridge. He glances to one side and sees the container for the liquid nitrogen. He glances to one side and sees the liquid nitrogen itself. He looks up and smiles and then begins to laugh. He gets up and starts going wild.)
Chris: (yells into the freezer) How’s it feel to be frozen! (Laslo comes out of the bedroom.) Yeah, ice is nice!! (sees Laslo) Laslo, buddy!! Have you seen Mitch??
Laslo: No.
Chris: No?! (He goes into the bedroom.)
Laslo: He’s not in there. (Chris runs back out.) How’d you do?
Chris: I passed! But I failed! Yeah!
Laslo: Well then I’m happy and sad for you.
Chris: (kisses his cheek and hugs him) Thank you. (goes to a side room) I gotta find Mitch. Mitch!! (He runs back to Laslo.) He’s not in there! I’m going to freeze it! Do you understand? I think I can get an order of magnitude, because it’s going to be frozen. Maybe bromide. I think I can do it. But I’m not sure. I gotta find Mitch. Okay. Bye! (He runs down the hallway. He pauses in front of a study room.) Hey man, you’re not Mitch! (To another student) And you’re not either. Hey Laslo! You want to see the definition of gravity? (He shakes the student making him drop all his books.) Yeah!
(Chris continues to holler as he goes in search of Mitch. Laslo goes back into the bedroom.)
(Outside)
(Chris comes flying out of the dorm.)
Chris: Yeah! Mitch! Where’re you at?!!
(Campus)
(Chris comes flying around the corner of a walkway and bumps into a girl causing her to fall and drop her books. He quickly gets up.)
Girl: Jerk!
Chris: I’m very sorry! (running off) I’ll buy you a car! I don’t have one, it’s my dad’s! (He runs into a room with the sign “EXAM WEEK DECOMPRESSION HERE” hanging over the door. He glances around and spots Mitch, Jordan, and Ick sitting on a couch.) MITCH!!!
(Hathaway’s House – Night)
(Chris rings the doorbell. Hathaway comes downstairs and answers the door.)
Chris: (walks in) Hey, how’s it going Jerry?
Hathaway: What do you want, Knight?
Chris: World peace. But I don’t think this is the time to discuss it.
Hathaway: Get out!
Chris: I have something that might interest you, Jerry.
Hathaway: I’m not interested in anything you have to say.
(Susan comes down the stairs.)
Susan: Dr. Hathaway…
Chris: Susan. (He gives Hathaway a look which Hathaway returns.) I solved the power problem, Jerry.
(Hathaway looks at him in shock.)
Susan: Jerry?
Hathaway: (to Susan) Take a cab.
(He and Chris move to leave.)
Chris: (to Susan) So you’ll hammer later.
(They leave. Susan yells in frustration and stomps back up the stairs.)
(Pacific Tech – Lab)
(Chris, Mitch, Kent, Bodie, Carter and Hathaway are all present. Chris is explaining what’s happened while Mitch passes out goggles.)
Chris: As you know Mitch and I were working on the cyanide system. Well, earlier today it ate itself. But these little setbacks are sometimes just what we need to take a giant step forward. Which I did. Needless to say, I was a little despondent over the meltdown. But then, in the midst of my preparation for Hari Kari it came to me. It’s possible to synthesize excited bromine in an argon matrix. Yes, it’s an exomer but frozen in it’s excited stage.
Kent: That’s impossible.
Chris: It’s a chemical laser, but in solid not gaseous form. Put simply, in deference to you Kent, it’s like lasing a stick of dynamite. As soon as we apply a field recoupled to a state that is radiatively coupled to the ground state. (gets up and goes over to the laser) I figure we can extract ten to the 21st photons per cubic centimeter, which would give one killajule per cubic centimeter at 600 nanometers or one megajule per liter.
Bodie: That’s hotter than the sun!
(Chris pulls out the laser and begins to prepare it.)
Carter: It’s small.
Hathaway: It’s supposed to be small.
Chris: Of course we only have the one sample. And it’s going to destroy itself as it lases. (Mitch passes out radiation vests.) But everything’s going to be fine, isn’t it Mitch?
Mitch: Yeah!
(Chris closes the laser lid.)
Kent: This is a complete waist of time.
Hathaway, Bodie, & Carter: Shhhh!
Chris: Do me a favor, Kent, and put the target in front of the cinderblocks, will ya?
(Kent does so as Mitch rolls over a protective shield for them to stand behind. Chris prepares the laser.)
Mitch: Okay, everyone come behind the shield.
(They all finish putting on their protective gear.)
Chris: Okay, Mr. Taylor. Anytime you’re ready.
Mitch: Okay, ready? Laser on!
(He hits the button and a huge laser comes on. It goes right through the target and cinderblocks. It lasts for 15 seconds and then stops.)
Mitch: All right! (looks at the target) Look at this! (They roll away the target and the cinderblocks and see that the window’s been hit as well.) Oh, sorry about the window, sir.
Kent: (looks out the remains of the window) And the trees across the quad!!
Chris: (to Mitch) We’re a team!
Mitch: Yeah!
(They hug.)
Hathaway: (to Chris) You did it.
Kent: I did my part too.
Hathaway: You graduate. You get the job.
Kent: What?! You can’t! That’s my job! I’ve done everything you’ve ever asked me to! (Hathaway looks around at the laser and everything it hit.) Look at this! (goes to unlock a nearby door) I teach your classes for you! I get your laundry!
Mitch: What is he doing?
(Kent goes into the room and comes back out with a large mirror.)
Kent: Look, I mounted the optics for the phase congigate target tracking system. Now look at this mirror. Look. Look!! (Hathaway glances at him before leaving.) Wait. Wait!
Mitch: Let’s celebrate!
Chris: Absolutely.
(They head out.)
(Campus)
(Chris, Mitch, Ick, and Jordan are checking out what the laser did to the trees in the Quad.)
Jordan: Okay, well try not to wobble. (She’s being held up by the others so she can look through the hole in the tree.) There is a complete hole. (Chris comes up beside her and grabs a tree branch for balance.) Whoa, look!
(He turns to see what she’s looking at.)
(Town)
(The laser has hit a sign for a restaurant called PURGATORY – Home of the Famous Limbo Burger. The gang runs up to check out the sign.)
Chris: Let’s get a burger.
Mitch: Come on.
Jordan: What, in there?
(Purgatory)
(It’s a rough crowd inside. Ick is heading back to their table with drinks and he walks right past two biker chicks having a fight over a game of pool.)
Mitch: (to Jordan) This place is wild.
Ick: Did you see that?
Chris: Do you want to meet her? She lives in Play Del Ray.
Jordan: Are you going to take me home to meet your parents?
Mitch: No.
Jordan: Why?! Are you ashamed of me?
Mitch: No, them!
Jordan: Oh…well you shouldn’t feel bad, my parents…
Chris: …my fish.
Ick: What do you mean your fish?
Chris: Oh my guppy!!
Ick: I love it!
Chris: No, what I was talking about…(he stops as he sees Laslo)
Ick: What are you trying to say?
Chris: Laslo. (The others turn and look and see Laslo standing there. Mitch and Jordan scoot over so he can sit down.) Laslo I’m so glad you came out. You want a hamburger?
Laslo: I’ve been thinking about your laser solution.
Chris: Oh good!
Laslo: I figure you’ve increased the power output to six megawatts?
Chris: Yeah, about that.
Laslo: Well what would you use that for?
Ick: Making an arm of Swiss cheese?
(Chris laughs.)
Mitch: The applications are unlimited.
Laslo: No. With the fuel you’ve come up with the beam would last for what…15 seconds. Well what good is that?
Chris: Oh Laslo. That doesn’t matter. I respect you but I graduated.
Mitch: Yeah, let the engineers figure out a use for it. That’s not our concern.
Laslo: Maybe somebody already has a use for it. One for which it is specifically designed.
Jordan: You mean Dr. Hathaway had something in mind all along?
Laslo: Look at the facts! Very high powered, portable, limited firing power, unlimited range. (Chris stops smiling.) All’s you’d need is a tracking system, and a large spinning mirror and you could vaporize a human target from space.
(Mitch glances at Chris.)
Chris: This is not good.
(Pacific Tech – Lab)
(Chris and the others burst in, but the laser is gone.)
Chris: No.
Jordan: Oh, no.
(Chris goes into the side room.)
Chris: Kent’s tracking system is gone! (He starts to trash the room.) How could you build that mirror!!
(He comes out of the room.)
Mitch: He lied to us.
Chris: It’s easy to lie to you, Mitch. You trust people. I’m a cynic. I’m such an asshole.
Laslo: I understand how you feel, Chris. And you’re right. But what we should be doing now is trying to find out what he’s doing.
Mitch: Kent.
(Dorm)
(Ick, Jordan, Chris, and Mitch sneak down the hallway wearing oxygen masks. They stop outside of Kent’s room. Ick is carrying a tank of something. They put a hose attached to the tank under the door of Kent’s room and Ick turns the valve so that whatever’s in the tank is now flowing into Kent’s room.)
Ick: We’ll have two minutes.
Jordan: Pardon?
(Ick motions that they’ll have two minutes. Another student passes by them without giving them a second glance.)
Student: Hi.
Mitch: Hi.
(They hear something drop in Kent’s room and Ick turns off the valve.)
(Kent’s Room)
(The four of them enter to find Kent slumped over his computer, passed out. Jordan pulls him up so he’s leaning back in the chair. She puts on a forehead flashlight.)
Jordan: Open his mouth. (Ick does so.) Okay, bulldogs. (Mitch hands it to her.) And transceiver. (She gets it from Chris.) And tweezers. (She gets them from Mitch. She then leans over Kent and begins to work in his mouth.) See, it was the braces that gave me the idea. They’re a perfect antenna and his whole head becomes a speaker.
Ick: Bout time someone put it to good use.
(Time Lapse – Chris & Mitch’s Room)
(The four of them are now seated in various places in the room. Mitch is turning on a microphone.)
Mitch: (into microphone) Kent.
(Kent’s Room)
(Kent starts to wake up. Mitch’s voice sounds very god-like.)
Mitch: (os) Kent. Wake up, Kent.
(Kent falls forward and hits his head on the keyboard.)
Kent: Ow!
Mitch: (os) Kent!
Kent: What?
Mitch: (os) I’m talking to you, Kent.
Kent: What is this?
Mitch: (os) I said I’m talking to you.
Kent: No…
(Chris & Mitch’s Room)
Mitch: (into microphone) Yeah…
(Kent’s Room)
Kent: Well I’m not as…I’m not asleep. I must be overworked.
Mitch: (os) You’re not overworked, Kent.
Kent: Well I’m not insane! (pause) Or am I?
Mitch: (os) That remains to be seen, Kent.
(Chris & Mitch’s Room)
Mitch: (into microphone) But we are having a conversation.
(Kent’s Room)
(Kent stands up and reaches up to the ceiling light and tries to talk to it.)
Kent: Okay, who is this?
Mitch: (os) This is Jesus, Kent.
(Chris & Mitch’s Room)
Mitch: (into microphone) And you’ve been a very…
(Kent’s Room)
Mitch: (os) …naughty boy.
(Kent takes off his glasses and looks at them suspiciously. He talks into them.)
Kent: All right. Who is this?!
(Chris & Mitch’s Room)
Mitch: (into microphone) Cut the crap, Kent. You’ve built a weapon.
(Kent’s Room)
Kent: What?
Mitch: (os) What do you think…
(Chris & Mitch’s Room)
Mitch: (into microphone) …a secret phase conjugate…
(Kent’s Room)
Mitch: (os) …tracking system is for? A big mirror makes a big beam.
Kent: (sits down on the bed, alarmed) I guess it could be.
(Chris & Mitch’s Room)
Mitch: (into microphone) Where’s the laser now?
(Kent’s Room)
Kent: I overheard Jerry mention something about a test…
(Chris & Mitch’s Room)
Kent: (os) …on the 27th. But I don’t know where. It’s classified.
(The others look discouraged.)
(Kent’s Room)
(Kent waits a moment, but “Jesus” doesn’t say anything.)
Kent: What?!
(Chris & Mitch’s Room)
Mitch: (into microphone) Oh! Nothing! I want you to think about what you’ve done, Kent. And from now on…
(Kent’s Room)
Mitch: (os) …stop playing with yourself.
Kent: It is God.
(Chris & Mitch’s Room)
(Mitch turns the microphone off.)
Mitch: Now what?
(Laslo peeks his head out of the closet.)
Laslo: Phase two.
(Hathaway’s House – Day)
(Hathaway comes out of his house and chases off the persistent dog. Ick watches him from nearby. Hathaway gets into his car and drives off. Ick quickly gets on a motorbike and follows him.)
(Marsh Air Force Base)
(Hathaway goes through a guarded gate onto the base. Ick watches from a distance and then heads back the way he came.)
(Factory – Dusk)
(Chris, Mitch, Jordan, and Laslo are loading boxes into a Plumbing truck.)
(Hathaway’s House – Night)
(The Plumbing truck pulls up and the gang gets out. Chris picks the lock on the front door and the rest begin bringing the boxes into the house. A little while later Chris climbs up a ladder on the side of the house and places a small mirror on the ledge of a window.)
(Pacific Tech – Laslo’s Place)
(Down in the steam tunnels Laslo is working on his computer. He’s trying to gain access to the Air Force Computer. Ick is standing nearby. Chris and Mitch run up.)
Chris: We’re set.
Laslo: Well, these military people are so untrusting.
Chris: So we can’t get on base clearance?
Laslo: Oh, we will. It’s just going to take six hours.
Chris: Forget it. We’ll balls it.
(Jordan runs up with some ID’s. She hands a set to Chris and Mitch.)
Jordan: How do these look?
Chris: Terrible. Mine looks like him, and his looks like me. (Jordan switches the sets.) Great!
Mitch: What if these don’t fool anybody?
Chris: They shoot us.
(Marsh Air Force Base – 1st Gate)
(Chris and Mitch drive up in Kent’s car. Mitch is now sporting a moustache.)
Guard: ID? (They hand the guard their ID’s. The guard looks at them and hands them back.) Show thse to the guard at the next gate.
Chris: You bet.
(They drive forward.)
(2nd Gate)
Guard2: ID’s?
(They hand them over.)
Chris: Hey, can ya step it up there buddy? We’re late. We’re tired. We’re hungry. We rented this stupid car…
(The guard steps back to look at the ID’s.)
Mitch: (quietly) Are you out of your mind?
Chris: (quietly) Shhh, it’s okay. You’ve got to intimidate these guys. Be cool. It’s okay.
(The guard hands the ID’s back.)
Guard2: You’re not on the list.
Chris: (chuckles) The list. Not on the list. Yeah, that’s because we’re classified.
Mitch: Yeah.
(The 3rd guard answers the ringing phone.)
Guard3: (on phone) Security?
Guard2: Aren’t you guys a little young to be technicians?
Chris: Well lasers are a young science. (His eyes and Mitch’s go wide as they realize what he said.) Okay, there fine you made me say it. Now we’re both in trouble.
Guard2: Look, I’ll call the duty officer.
Chris: Hey, uh, there…Airborne. (the guard comes back) Don’t do that. Look, if you make that call it’s our jobs. We’re four hours late. Come on. Give us a break, buddy. Someday you might be in the private sector, right?
Mitch: Yeah.
(The guard turns to go back to the guard shack.)
Chris: We’re done.
Mitch: Oh, no.
(The guard only waves them through and opens the gate.)
Mitch: All right.
(They drive through. The 3rd guard is still on the phone.)
Guard3: (on phone) Absolutely, sir. Consider it done. Yes, sir. (He hangs up.) We’re supposed to look for anything out of the ordinary.
Guard2: Okay.
(They both go back to work.)
(Base)
(Mitch and Chris are sneaking across the base to get to the aircraft where the laser is located. They spot it and head in that direction, acting the whole time like they are supposed to be there.)
(Aircraft)
(They enter the aircraft and see that the laser is already hooked up. They are not happy about this.)
(Pacific Tech – Laslo’s Place)
(Laslo, Ick, and Jordan are waiting to hear from them. Jordan is pacing.)
(Marsh Air Force Base – Aircraft)
(Chris stands by a console near the front, while Mitch is kneeling beside the laser.)
Scientist: All systems go. We’re done here fellas.
(They two remaining scientists head for the exit. One of them pauses by Mitch and glances down at him in confusion. He then looks over at Chris with a frown.)
Chris: What?!
(The scientist leaves. Chris and Mitch are now the only ones in the aircraft. Mitch quickly gets up and goes to stand beside Chris. They open the two briefcases they brought with them. They each begin hooking things up. Mitch hands Chris a power screwdriver and Chris uses it to open the computer panel nearby. They hook up something from their briefcase to the computer.)
Chris: Okay, this little polynomial should keep the computer so busy it doesn’t even know we’re here.
(Pacific Tech – Laslo’s Place)
Jordan: Where are they?
(Suddenly something comes up on Laslo’s computer. )
Laslo: We’ve got a connection.
(Marsh Air Force Base – Aircraft)
(Mitch takes out a chip from the main computer and hands it to Chris who puts into a specific spot in their briefcase computer. Chris is on the phone.)
(Pacific Tech – Laslo’s Place)
(Jordan answers the phone.)
Chris: (on phone) Abbot to Costello.
Jordan: This is Costello, go ahead Abbot.
Chris: (on phone) We’ve got the goodies.
Jordan: Okay, we’ve got the target coordinates for computers trajectory adjustment.
(Marsh Air Force Base – Aircraft)
(Chris flips a switch.)
Chris: Roger. Sending.
(Pacific Tech – Laslo’s Place)
(Laslo’s computer is suddenly filled with data, that he proceeds to go through. He frowns.)
Laslo: Uh oh.
Jordan: Uh oh?
Ick: What is it?
(Laslo hits a command, the info on his computer changes and he smiles.)
Laslo: Oh, nothing.
(Marsh Air Force Base – Command Center)
(Hathaway and the rest of the military guys are all present.)
Decker: You didn’t think we’d blow all this money just to test it in space did you?
Hathaway: Well, actually yes I did. Because that is what it is designed for. But if in your wisdom you feel we should learn to crawl before we walk, I mean, that’s fine too.
(A female officer enters.)
Woman: Attention!
Decker: What?
Woman: Superior officer in the room.
(A higher ranking military man enters. The rest of the military salute except for Decker.)
General: As you were.
Scientist: Excuse me? We’re ready for the final on board laser check.
(Aircraft)
(Mitch hears something.)
Mitch: Shhh! (He goes to check and sees some guards passing by. They keep going without stopping.) All clear.
Chris: (into phone) Replacing the PROM with our A-PROM. (He replaces one of the chips in the computer.) Okay, shoot.
(Pacific Tech – Laslo’s Place)
(Laslo’s still working on the computer. He smiles and nods.)
Laslo: May I have the coordinates please.
(Ick pulls out a piece of paper and reads the coordinates off to Laslo who enters them into the computer.)
Ick: 34 degrees, 10 minutes, 15.21 seconds North. 119 Degrees, 7 minutes…
(Marsh Air Force Base – Command Center)
(Some scientists, military personnel, and Dr. Hathaway exit. They head towards the aircraft.)
(Aircraft)
Mitch: I’m going to check the stairs. (He goes halfway down the steps and sees the military guys heading towards the aircraft. He hurries back up the stairs.) Chris, he’s coming! Hathaway’s coming!
Chris: (into phone) Okay you may be interested to know that Mitch has just informed me the Heir Professor is approaching.
Mitch: What do we do??
(Pacific Tech – Laslo’s Place)
Jordan: (to Laslo) Oh, please hurry! Dr. Hathaway is coming!
Laslo: Please don’t. I don’t work well under pressure.
(Marsh Air Force Base – Aircraft)
(Hathaway goes up the steps and into the aircraft.)
(Pacific Tech – Laslo’s Place)
(Laslo finishes typing.)
Laslo: I hope that does it.
Jordan: (into phone) Okay, Chris…I mean Abbot? Hello? Hello? They’re gone!
(Marsh Air Force Base – Aircraft)
(Hathaway is talking to a scientist. Chris and Mitch are nowhere to be found.)
Scientist: Okay, okay.
Hathaway: Okay.
(She walks away and he glances down and spots a chip on the floor. He picks it up and counts the chips in the computer but they are all there. Don walks up and he palms the chip so Don can’t see it.)
Don: Everything all right here?
Hathaway: Why should it be?
(Hathaway walks back towards the group.)
Don: Well I think that just about sums it up, don’t you? Shall we take our exit?
(They exit and we see that Chris and Mitch have been hiding near the cockpit)
Mitch: Okay, they’re gone.
Chris: Whoa. That was a little close.
(Outside)
(The military group is walking away from the aircraft back towards the Command Center. Behind them Chris and Mitch drop out of the plane and sneak off. Hathaway stops and turns around, but he sees nothing out of the ordinary.)
Don: What is it?
Hathaway: Nothing.
(They head for the Command Center.)
(Pacific Tech – Dorm – Morning)
(Kent is in the lounge surrounded by books and he’s muttering to himself. Mitch once again pretends to be Jesus.)
Mitch: (os) Hi Kent.
Kent: Oh, I thought you were gone.
Mitch: (os) Not yet. Have you been touching yourself?
Kent: Yes. I mean, no.
Mitch: (os) Good. Listen Kent. Dad, you know my father, God, wants to show you something.
Kent: Why? I mean, what?
(Chris & Mitch’s Room)
Mitch: (into microphone) I’ve learned not to ask. Look, he wants you to wait…
(Lounge)
Mitch: (os) …in front of Dr. Hathaway’s house and 1609 Ivy Crest drive at precisely 7:08 this morning.
Kent: Ivy Crest?
Mitch: (os) Just wait there and you shall receive a sign. Do not despair and do not go inside.
Kent: Well, why not?! (no answer) Hello? Hello, Jesus? (A student walks by and gives Kent a funny look.) He hung up.
(Marsh Air Force Base – Runway)
(The aircraft holding the laser takes off.)
(Desert)
(The Command Center truck is now out in the desert. The original target, a line of cars, is slowly driving along. There is a lot of activity going on in the Command Center.)
(Hathaway’s House)
(Chris and Mitch pull up in the Plumber truck across the street from the house. They park the truck next to a large drain. A small hill hides them from anyone who would happen to be across the street. They get out of the truck. Another car drives up and parks on the street.)
Mitch: They’re here.
(Jordan and Dr. Meredith get out of the car and come down the hill.)
Dr. Meredith: Ah, Mr. Knight. Why is it that I am not surprised to see you here? And I assume that you have an explanation for this so called event that we’re about to witness?
Chris: Yes, sir I do. But first let me take this opportunity to compliment you on your fashion sense. Especially your slippers.
(They both look down and they are both wearing matching bunny slippers.)
Dr. Meredith: Yes, well…Wilamina likes them.
(Yet another car has pulled up. Ick and a man in a suit get out and come over to the group.)
Ick: Guys!
Mitch: Chris.
Man: Good morning.
(He and Dr. Meredith shake hands.)
Dr. Meredith: Ah, Congressman Dougan. What brings you around?
Dougan: Well I was told there was a situation here of critical international importance.
(They all turn to look at Chris and he smiles and nods.)
(Desert – Command Center)
(A soldier is climbing into a console of sorts.)
Hathaway: Now all weapons functions will be controlled from this command module, just as they would be from space. In fact this is an exact duplicate of the vehicle cockpit. The accuracy and the power will be as exact.
Soldier: (on headset) Crossbow, open bomb bay doors.
(Crossbow)
(The bomb bay doors open.)
(Hathaway’s House)
(Chris has just finished explaining what Dr. Hathaway’s been doing.)
Dr. Meredith: That’s a very serious accusation.
Chris: Yes, sir. I know.
Dougan: Well if it’s true, I’m going to need proof.
Chris: (glances up at the sky) Gentlemen I believe we’ll be able to accommodate you both in just one minute. (glances across the street) Duck!
(They all glance across the street and duck, except for Dougan. Kent can be seen walking towards the house.)
Chris: Congressman?
Jordan: Oh, sir…down.
(Dougan sighs and sits down on the grass. Across the street Kent stops in front of the house and looks around. He checks his watch.)
(Crossbow)
(The laser is lowered.)
(Desert – Command Center)
(The soldier in the command module is tracking where he wants the shot to go.)
(Crossbow)
(The laser moves into position.)
(Hathaway’s House)
(Kent goes up the front steps.)
Kent: Now you listen to me, Jesus. This is Jerry’s house, and we’re very close. So if you’re not going to answer me, I’m just going to have to go it. (pause) So I’m going.
(He moves to go into the house and the others come out of hiding.)
All: No Kent! No!! Don’t go in! Don’t do it!! No!!
(He turns to look at them before going in the house and closing the door.)
(Desert – Command Center)
Soldier: Target locked. In ten…
(Crossbow)
Soldier: (os) Nine…Eight…Seven…
(The laser moves to another position.)
(Hathaway’s House)
(The group is still outside yelling for Kent to come back out.
All: Kent, come out!! Kent!!
(Inside)
(Kent stands in front of a very large silver (tinfoil) object in the foyer. It’s higher than his waist. He reaches out to touch it but quickly pulls his hand back. He holds out his arms.)
Kent: Okay, God. Let me have it!
(Outside)
(The laser has fired and is cutting a path across the yard. The group yelps in surprise. The laser reaches the small mirror on the window ledge and comes to a stop.)
(Inside)
(Kent can see the light through the window. The laser breaks through the window and the full power of it falls on the tinfoil object in the foyer. Kent watches in fascination. Popping can be heard from inside the tinfoil. There is a louder pop and Kent gets hit with something. He reaches down and picks it up off the floor. It’s a piece of popcorn.)
Kent: Popcorn.
(He pops it into his mouth. The lid of the tinfoil come off and the popcorn continues to pop. It starts to overflow the bowl and begins to spread.)
(Outside)
(The others just wait to see what happens. A small amount of popcorn comes out of a window. They can see the popcorn filling up the windows on the first floor.)
(Desert – Command Center)
Hathaway: Oh no. (He runs over to another console.) I don’t understand. Did it fire?
Scientist: Yes, we indicate a shot. We’ve got another problem though. It’s no longer lasing efficiently, it’s not shutting down.
Hathaway: Not shutting down?
Scientist: Yes.
Don: Jerry, I want to know what the problem is!
Hathaway: Shut it down!
Scientist: I am trying, doctor!!
(Hathaway’s House)
(The windows get blown out by the amount of popcorn popping inside.)
Mitch: Kent!
(Inside)
(Kent is hanging onto the banister as mountains of popcorn flow around him. He looks to be having a good time. He lets go of the banister and flows with the popcorn.)
(Outside)
(The front door is forced open by the popcorn and the popcorn begins flowing out onto the front stoop. Kent comes flowing out of the house on the popcorn.)
Kent: Weeee!
Chris: (smiling) Kent.
(He and Mitch run for the house.)
Mitch: Kent!
Jordan: Hey, Kent?
(Chris and Mitch hop the fence and run over to help Kent up.)
Mitch: Kent!
Jordan: Kent!
(Chris and Mitch help Kent to stand up.)
Chris: Kent, you okay?
Kent: That was great!
(They help Kent towards the sidewalk.)
(Crossbow)
(The laser has caught on fire and the equipment is popping.)
(Desert – Command Center)
(Everyone can see the burning laser on a TV screen.)
Hathaway: Something is very wrong. (to Solider in the Command Module) Out! (The soldier hops out and Hathaway takes his place.) Unlock the bird’s eye.
Soldier: (flips a switch) Unlocked!
Hathaway: (to Decker) I’m tracking where the shot went. It worked. I know it worked. (He suddenly gets an aerial shot of his house.) What? Oh no. (He zooms in and sees his house being destroyed by popcorn.)
General: Oh, lord. What have you done?!
(Hathaway’s House)
(A crowd has started to gather outside the house. More windows burst as the popcorn reaches the 2nd floor and continues to pop.)
Mitch: All right!
(The roof finally cracks under the stress of so much popcorn, and the deck on the side of the house collapses. The gang laughs. A Winnebego comes driving up and the driver honks the horn.)
Jordan: It’s Hollyfeld in a Winnebego.
(We see Hollyfeld in the drivers seat wearing some funky clothes. He waves at them. They run over to the vehicle’s side door and Hollyfeld comes out.)
Chris: Laslo, buddy!
(They all look over at the house and smile.)
Laslo: I think we used to much.
Chris: I’m sorry you missed it.
Laslo: Yeah, well I had to pack.
Chris: Why?
Laslo: I’m getting married.
Chris: To whom?
(Mitch is at the trailer behind the Winnebego that’s full of boxes of various sizes.)
Mitch: What is all this stuff?
Laslo: Oh yeah, I won. 31.8% of the prizes though, I’ll have to figure that out. But not this summer.
(Sherry comes to the door of the Winnebego.)
Sherry: Hi.
Mitch: Sherry? Sherry Mitchell?
(Sherry and Laslo hug.)
Sherry: Isn’t it great? This is number one. I’ve been looking for him for ten years.
(She and Laslo kiss.)
Laslo: Whoa, what can I say. She loves me.
Chris: Congratulations.
(He and Laslo shake hands.)
Laslo: Okay. (He shakes hands with Ick, Jordan, and Mitch.) Well anyway, you’ll have to come and visit us.
Chris: What do you mean?
Sherry: I have a little survival place in Wyoming. We’re going to live there.
(They get into the Winnebego but pause at the door. Laslo pulls out some sunglasses.)
Laslo: Yeah, it’s getting kind of weird around here, you know?
(He puts the sunglasses on.)
Jordan: Bye.
Laslo: Bye.
(He shuts the door. The gang watches as he and Sherry drive off.)
Ick: Do you think it’s getting to weird around here?
Chris: Absolutely.
Jordan: I didn’t notice.
Mitch: I like it.
(They all smile. All the neighborhood kids make a beeline for the popcorn now that it’s finally stopped popping. Various shots of the kids and our gang as they play and eat the popcorn.)
(Night)
(A few lingering people are leaving with small wagon fulls of popcorn as Dr. Hathaway drives up. He gets out of his car and looks at what’s left of his house in dismay. He covers his nose and mouth with a handkerchief so he won’t have to smell the popcorn. Finally, the dog that he dislikes comes running up to stand beside him.)
(THE END)