Mannequin
(Edfu, Egypt)
(A really long time ago.)
(Right before lunch…)
(The camera pans around and we see that we’re in a burial chamber. There are several wrapped mummies in the room. As the camera passes one of them we see that the mummy is very much alive. A middle aged woman comes down the stairs.)
Mother: Ema Hesire, I know you're in there. The wedding has been all arranged.
Emmy: (heaves a sigh) Please, gods. Please get me out of this.
(Her mother walks over to where she’s leaning against the wall. She’s completely bound in mummy wrappings.)
Mother: You turned down the jeweler. You turned down the grain merchant. You turned down the Pharaoh's food taster. There's only one man left who'll have you. You'll marry Hazzi-Ra.
Emmy: (hops forward) So what does he do?
Mother: He's a fuel merchant.
Emmy: Mother.
Mother: All right, so he sells camel dung.
Emmy: (hops back to her place by the wall) Forget it.
Mother: You forget it.
Emmy: Mother, I don't want to settle down. I want to do things and invent things. I want to try things that nobody's ever tried before. I want to fly.
Mother: Sure, and I want to smoke and tell your father to go to hell. Emmy, if I thought we women... could any way change anything, don't you think I'd encourage you? (Emmy starts to say something.) No. Don't. These are the times we live in.
Emmy: Mother, there's got to be a better way. (prays) Please, gods. Please help me find it.
Mother: Sure, the Nile is overflowing. There is a wheat shortage. The Pharaoh has hemorrhoids. The gods have bigger things to worry about than you.
(Suddenly a white light appears over Emmy. She holds her hands out, and as her mother turns around Emmy disappears, leaving behind her mummy wrappings. Her mother goes to kneel by the spot where she just was and picks up the wrappings.)
Mother: Emmy?
(Present Day)
(At a mannequin create factory a young man, Jonathan Switcher, is creating a female mannequin. He’s talking to her as if she were alive.)
Jonathan: What would you say if I told you, you get more beautiful every day? What was that? (leans in closer to her as if to hear what she’s saying) Arms and legs? God, how thoughtless. I'm sorry. (“My Girl” is playing in the background and he sings along as he goes with the mannequin to find arms and legs.) She needs a 10. (He begins placing the body of the mannequin on several different pairs of legs, trying to find the right pair.) What do you think? Speak up. Don't be shy, now. Wrong sex! (finds the right pair) Now, that's the ticket. Nothing beats a great pair of legs. (He goes to a nearby rack and gets a pair of very muscular arms and takes them over to her.) Popeye look. (He goes and gets another pair of arms. He attaches them and they are perfect. He turns and his boss is standing behind him.) Boss! Hi! Great. I was just coming to see you.
Boss: You know, you could get the dummy of the week award, Switcher.
Jonathan: Yeah, she turned out pretty real.
Boss: I wasn't talking about her.
Jonathan: What do you think? It only took me six days. I figure I could turn out three or four of these month.
Boss: You're supposed to knock off three or four of these a day, Switcher! Now, get back to work!
Jonathan: What about quality, boss? Style and grace. These things take time.
Boss: That's it! You're fired!
Jonathan: Fired? Okay, but can I finish her? I'm a sculptor. I'm trying to be a sculptor and she's my work of…
Boss: Beat it! Now!
(Now begins a small montage of Jonathan’s jobs)
(Outdoor birthday party. Jonathan is working as a balloon man at the party. He’s creating all kinds of different balloon animals for the kids.)
Jonathan: There you go. Have fun. You guys having a good time? Having fun at the party?
(The father of the birthday boy is standing near a grill watching some hamburgers cook. The birthday boy walks away.)
Father: That's my boy.
Jonathan: (to little kid) Here you go. (The birthday boy tugs on his arm.) Just one second. Here you go. Bye-bye. Want a giraffe for the birthday boy? A monkey? A pony? A tiger? How about a hint?
Birthday Boy: I want the big one, stupid.
Jonathan: Oh sorry. That's the official Flights of Fancy balloon. How about a poodle?
Birthday Boy: Listen, biscuit-brain, my old man is paying for this party.
Jonathan: One giant balloon, coming up. (he unties the rather large balloon and hands it to the birthday boy.) There you go. Have fun. (to another kid) Now, what do you want?
(The balloon begins to lift the birthday boy off the ground.)
Birthday Boy: Daddy!
Father: Biscuit-brain, what the hell do you think you're doing? Take your hands off my kid!
Balloon Boss: My balloon! You're fired.
(Garden)
(Jonathan is working along side some other garden workers. He’s been trimming a rather large bush, and it is now in the shape of a rabbit.)
Garden Boss: Trimming the hedges long, Switcher?
Jonathan: Actually, no. I'm really a sculptor. But there's not too much work for us these days. But no reason why hedges can't become art.
Garden Boss: You're fired! Get your paycheck and get out of here!
(Pizza Palace)
(Jonathan is working in the kitchen putting the toppings on the pizzas. He’s going quite slow because he’s trying to get the toppings in just the right spot to make the pizza look like a work of art. The Pizza Boss comes into the kitchen to see what’s taking so long.)
Jonathan: What do you think?
Pizza Boss: What do I think?
Jonathan: I'm fired! Pick up my paycheck and get out.
(Illustra – Night)
(Jonathan pulls up outside the store on his motorcycle. His girlfriend, Roxie, is waiting out front and talking to some of her co-workers.)
Man: Look. The road warrior.
Jonathan: Hi, Roxie.
Roxie: His Jag's in the shop. (to Jonathan) Hi. It'd be nice if you'd pick me up in something with doors.
(Roxie hikes up her skirt and climbs onto the motorcycle behind him.)
Jonathan: Come on.
Roxie: So where are we going to dinner?
Jonathan: I'm not that hungry. I thought maybe we'd grab a hot dog, go for a walk, look at the moon.
Roxie: You lost your job again?
Jonathan: No, I didn't lose it, I know where it is. Just somebody else has got it.
(Roxie’s boss, B.J. Wert comes out of the store.)
Roxie: Can we get out of here?
Man: Good night, Mr. Wert.
BJ: Nice work, children.
Group: Good night, B.J. See you tomorrow.
Jonathan: Who's that?
Roxie: That's B.J. Wert, the regional manager. He is Illustra. Can we get this bucket of junk to go?
Jonathan: Yeah, I'm trying.
BJ: Good night, Roxie.
Roxie: Good night.
Jonathan: Must be nice having your own limo. Go from any funeral right to dinner.
(Street)
(Jonathan and Roxie are walking down the street eating ice cream.)
Jonathan: This job at Illustra is destroying your sense of humor. You gotta quit.
Roxie: I'm not the one that can't deal with reality.
Jonathan: Reality is very disappointing.
Roxie: I really do care about you. (dumps her ice cream in the trash) But I think if we sleep together tonight, we'd only confuse things. I think you should see a professional.
Jonathan: Professional? You mean a hooker?
Roxie: No, a psychiatrist.
Jonathan: I can't afford a psychiatrist.
Roxie: Then call one of those shrinks on the radio.
Jonathan: They're only good for little problems that fit between commercials.
(She hails a cab.)
Roxie: Good night.
(Roxie gets in the cab and it takes off.)
Jonathan: Wait…
(It begins to pour down rain. Jonathan tries to get the motorcycle to start but the engine won’t turn over. He begins to push it home.)
(Another Street)
(Jonathan is pushing the motorcycle past Prince & Company when a flash of lightening lights up a window and he sees the Mannequin he created. He runs up to the window.)
Jonathan: My God! It's you! I wanted to take you, but they wouldn't let me. You're the first thing I've created in a really long time that made me feel like an artist. (The lights in the window go out.) No! (He goes back to his bike and it starts up this time.) See you tomorrow.
(Prince & Company – Morning)
(Jonathan rides up and gets off his motorcycle. There are several construction workers that are attempting to hang the new Prince & Company sign. A cab pulls up to the curb. A man goes to open the door of the cab but it opens rather forcefully and he is hit in the stomach. An older woman, Mrs. Timkin gets out. She glances up to watch the men try to hang the sign.)
Mrs. Timkin: Good morning! What a gentleman. They're putting up the sign! How fun! It's a skosh crooked. (She sees Jonathan) Isn't this exciting! A customer lined up to get into our store. Tell me, do you like our new sign?
Jonathan: It's very nice. You've really been here 100 years?
Mrs. Timkin: Not personally, but the store, yes. It was built by my grandfather, Tough Teddy Prince. My father ran it until he passed away recently.
Jonathan: I'm sorry.
Mrs. Timkin: He was very old. And he died the way he wanted to. In women's lingerie.
Jonathan: Pardon me?
Mrs. Timkin: Heart attack, walking through the women's department. They don't have that sign quite right yet.
(One of the wires holding the sign snaps and that end begins to fall back towards the ground. Jonathan pushes Mrs. Timkin out of harms way.)
Jonathan: Look out! Sorry, man.
Mrs. Timkin: Watch yourself!
Jonathan: (he grabs the sign) I got it! (The sign swings back the other way taking Jonathan with it.) Maybe.
Mrs. Timkin: Young man, I'm sorry!
Jonathan: (holding onto the sign for dear life) No, that's no problem!
Mrs. Timkin: If I can make it up to you in any way…
Jonathan: Yeah! I could use a job!
Mrs. Timkin: What do you do?
Jonathan: Anything!
Mrs. Timkin: When can you start?
Jonathan: As soon as I finish this!
Mrs. Timkin: Young man, what's your name?
Jonathan: My name? Jonathan Switcher.
Mrs. Timkin: You're hired!
Jonathan: Thank you! My lucky day.
(Inside Prince & Company)
(Mrs. Timkin is walking through the store with Jonathan at her side.)
Mrs. Timkin: Every time I walk through these doors, I feel like I'm home. I practically grew up here. (motions to a make-up counter) Greta Garbo used to get her makeup right over there. Of course, you probably don't know who Greta Garbo is.
Jonathan: Sure, I do. Ninotchka, Grand Hotel. I don't sleep much at night.
Mrs. Timkin: Neither do I. At least, not in the two weeks since I've been in charge here. I don't know how we're going to make this store great again.
Jonathan: Looks fine to me. What time do we open?
Mrs. Timkin: We are open.
Jonathan: (looks around) I'm sure things'll pick up by lunch.
(Mr. Richards’ Office)
(Mr. Richards, is on the phone.)
Mr. Richards: Yes, B.J.... It's all going according to plan. It's like a ghost ship around here. They're gonna be begging to sell this place within a month. No, Timkin is no threat. (he hears Mrs. Timkin outside his door) B.J., she's here. (He quickly hangs up the phone.)
Mrs. Timkin: Mr. Richards. Do you know what this young man just did?
Mr. Richards: Shoplifting?
Mrs. Timkin: He saved my life! Those incompetents you hired nearly got me killed. If I were paranoid, I'd swear this was sabotage.
Mr. Richards: It's not as if I was turning away Harvard graduates. If you know someone you feel is qualified to work here…
Mrs. Timkin: Yes! Jonathan Switcher. Let's show him our gratitude.
Mr. Richards: $5 should do it.
Mrs. Timkin: No! I want you to give him a job. Take good care of him.
Jonathan: Thank you.
(Mrs. Timkin leaves and Mr. Richards turns his attention to Jonathan.)
Mr. Richards: Switcher? What kind of work experience have you had?
Jonathan: I've had just about every job there is. Briefly, I'd like to do something creative. Maybe with, say, mannequins.
Mr. Richards: Please. Listen, I pride myself on being able to size up a job applicant and see just what kind of executive potential he has. I have just the job for you.
(Illustra/Prince & Company)
(Roxie is in her office talking to Jonathan on the phone. Her associate Armand stands nearby, listening. Jonathan is in a back room at Prince and Company. We go back and forth between them as they talk.)
Roxie: So, you got a new job. That's terrific. What is it?
Jonathan: (pulling a pair of panties out of a box) Let's just say that thousands of dollars of merchandise go through my hands every day. I'm taking you out for a celebration dinner.
Guy: Switcher, haul those panties, up to lingerie.
Jonathan: Panties. I'm into it.
Roxie: Did you say panties?
Armand: Panties?
Jonathan: Can't talk now. Pick you up at 8:00.
Roxie: See you then.
Jonathan: Bye.
(Prince & Company)
(Jonathan puts the panties back in the box and then proceeds to push a large container full of panty boxes towards the door that leads to the main floor.)
(Illustra)
Armand: I've seen him pick you up. That little pissant! You can't tell me that he's satisfying you sexually.
Roxie: That's none of your business.
Armand: I would like to make it my business. I would love to sink my teeth into your little bottom.
Roxie: What? (she slaps him)
Armand: Did Armand say something bad? Forgive me. English and me, it's new. My tongue, it slides.
Roxie: Look, our relationship is strictly business! You got that?
Armand: Yes. Of course. I have some reports to get out by noon o'clock.
(Prince & Company)
(Jonathan is going to different mannequin window rooms trying to find his mannequin. He opens a door next to a window room but it turns out it’s a dressing room. A woman inside screams and he quickly closes the door. He makes his way back out to where his cart is, but runs into Mr. Richards who has been following him.)
Mr. Richards: See anything you like?
Jonathan: I was just looking for panties.
Mr. Richards: Well, you found them. However, my friend, you missed the lingerie department by four floors. Get going. Jonathan: Right. (walks back to his cart) Asshole.
Mr. Richards: What was that?
Jonathan: (motions around) Nice hall.
(Mannequin Window)
(Jonathan has finally found the mannequin that he created. He’s standing right in front of her, talking to her.)
Jonathan: I must be losing my mind. All artists must fall in love with their creations, but you seem so special. God.
(Suddenly a voice comes from behind him and he turns to see a flamboyantly dressed black man wearing sunglasses.)
Hollywood: Roll over, Bill Shakespeare. That's the sweetest sentiment these ears have ever heard.
Jonathan: No, I was rehearsing a play.
Hollywood: I always find it best not to explain. It adds a certain mystique to one's reputation.
Jonathan: No. I'm a regular kind of guy, okay?
Hollywood: Don't disappoint me. When you're finished your conversation bring her to window number 3.
Jonathan: Sure. You got it. I'm Jonathan Switcher.
Hollywood: Hollywood. Hollywood Montrose. Doesn't it just sing?
Jonathan: It sings, yeah.
Hollywood: I'm a window dresser here. We're going to have fun. I am so glad you're working here.
Jonathan: You are?
Hollywood: Why, of course I am, honey. I never thought they'd hire anyone stranger than me.
(Hollywood glances at the mannequin before walking out of the window. Jonathan picks up the mannequin and walks out after him.)
(Prince & Company – Main Floor – Night)
(Jonathan is walking along carrying a box. The store is deserted but he stops when he hears a growl.)
Jonathan: Hello?
Felix: Halt! Identify yourself.
Jonathan: Jonathan Switcher, new stock boy.
Felix: Yeah. Mr. Richards told me all about you. I am Capt. Felix Maxwell, night security commander. It's my responsibility to secure the perimeter here at Prince and Company.
Jonathan: I didn't know there was danger of invasion.
Felix: There's no danger, as long as me and Rambo are on patrol.
(Jonathan looks down at the pit bull.)
Jonathan: Rambo?
Felix: Yeah. I call him that because he likes to draw first blood. Just what is your assignment here tonight, boy?
Jonathan: I'm helping Hollywood with the window.
Felix: The little Mary has an assistant now? Where do you people come from?
Jonathan: Ohio.
Felix: Ohio? You mean they got them in Ohio? So, you like your new assignment?
Jonathan: Could have been worse. Could have put me on with a bigoted jerk.
(Jonathan walks off.)
Felix: Hold it there, boy! Did you have anybody particular in mind? You think he meant anybody in particular, Rambo?
(Window)
(Jonathan and Hollywood are creating a new window for the store. It appears to be a wooded scene of sorts and there are various mannequins around in different states of undress.)
Hollywood: Don't let Felix get to you. He just has a bad case of Miami Vice.
Jonathan: I gotta go, okay? I promised my girlfriend I was gonna take her out tonight. (Hollywood lets out a loud sigh and then looks as if he’s about to cry.) What happened? What did I say?
Hollywood: Albert left me, that bitch. He said my thighs are too fat. Do my thighs look too fat to you?
Jonathan: No.
Hollywood: You didn't look!
Jonathan: Hollywood, I don't know about men's thighs. They look fine to me. They really do.
Hollywood: Thank you. Albert called me "cellulite city." Maybe he's right. Maybe I should have my hips lifted.
Jonathan: No! If you want to lose weight, just diet.
Hollywood: Diets are no use. It's those jelly doughnuts. They call to me in the middle of the night: "Hollywood. Come and get me." I can't stay away from them. It's like you and women's dressing rooms.
Jonathan: No, that was a misunderstanding.
Hollywood: Have any of your friends ever been vacuumed out? I heard those doctors in Beverly Hills they just open you up and suck those fat cells out of there.
Jonathan: It sounds nice.
Hollywood: I wonder if you could do it yourself, with a vacuum cleaner or something. Albert's been off work for an hour now. There's just no telling what he's gotten himself into.
Jonathan: Take it easy, okay? Just go home and get yourself some rest. You'll be fine.
Hollywood: An artiste does not leave his work unfinished.
Jonathan: No, it looks fine to me.
Hollywood: In that case, I'm a dream that once was. Look out, Albert, because Hollywood is on your case.
(Hollywood grabs his stuff and leaves.)
Jonathan: Yeah, go get him. Good grief. (He kneels by his mannequin and picks up a scarf that was on the ground.) What's the matter? Don't you like your new scarf?
(Suddenly the mannequin comes to life and kneels down in front of him.)
Emmy: Not especially.
Jonathan: Shit!
(Jonathan quickly backs as far away from her as he can get.)
Emmy: What a funny way to say hello.
Jonathan: What the hell's going on?
Emmy: My name is Ema Hesire, (takes off her hat) but you can call me Emmy.
Jonathan: This is a joke, right? A Prince and Company initiation? Who hired you? Hollywood.
Emmy: Nobody hired me, Jonathan. You know who I am.
Jonathan: No, this can't be happening. I know! The sign, the electricity. My brain synapse, it was destroyed.
Emmy: I felt so sorry for you last night. You looked so lost and lonely.
Jonathan: Last night, you saw me? No. You can't be her.
Emmy: When you made me, didn't you feel inspiration? Almost like your hands were being moved by a force not of this world? You made this body so that I could come to life!
Jonathan: Am I in the twilight zone or am I just nuts?
Emmy: I'm so glad I picked you!
Jonathan: I'm gonna create someone who doesn't like me? (pause) So, tell me your life story. It seems to have slipped my mind.
Emmy: It's a long story. See, I was born in 2514 B.C. in Edfu, Egypt. I'll be 4,501 next April.
Jonathan: I'll bake a cake.
Emmy: Back then, I wasn't allowed to do anything. Do you know I was supposed to marry?
Jonathan: Who?
Emmy: A camel dung dealer.
Jonathan: Would have been my guess. I'm stressed. I'm having a hallucination caused by stress.
Emmy: Does this feel like a hallucination? Come on, let's go have some fun. (she runs off)
Jonathan: Food additives. It's food additives.
Emmy: Jonathan, come on!
(Roxie’s Apartment)
(Roxie is dressed to go out and is pacing in front of the TV.)
TV: Except for early morning clouds the weather for the Greater Philadelphia area should remain the same...
Roxie: Damn him.
TV: …with a slight increase in temperature.
(Prince & Company – Tool Department)
(Emmy is studying the different tools.)
Emmy: The things I could've done with these tools!
Jonathan: You like to work with your hands?
Emmy: Yes. I love to build and invent things. Back in Edfu, I even made a pair of wings.
Jonathan: And I'm sure you flew.
Emmy: That's right! Well…almost. (picks up a nail gun) You still don't believe I'm real, do you?
(She shoots off the gun and the nail hits the wall about 4 inches from Jonathan’s head.)
Jonathan: I'm open for discussion. (The gun fires again, and so he goes over to her and takes the gun from her.) Why don't we stick to good, old-fashioned hand tools for now? (He pulls the plug on the nail gun.)
Emmy: (takes his hands) You've got good hands.
Jonathan: Thank you.
Emmy: I like the way they felt when you were putting me together.
(Main Floor)
(Jonathan is pushing a large cart full of stuff for the window. Emmy rides on the front of the cart.)
Emmy: Tonight we'll do something different and special. Something this store has never seen before. I wish you didn't look so worried.
Jonathan: Easy for you to say. As a mannequin, you'll always have work. Me, I'm gonna wind up in the nuthouse after this. I wonder if insanity is covered in the employee health plan?
Emmy: That's the dress I should wear in the window.
(Emmy goes over to a rack of clothing and begins to undress.)
Jonathan: Don't do that.
(The dress falls to the floor.)
Emmy: You weren't so shy when you were creating me.
Jonathan: You weren't so real. (He picks up a piece of clothing and goes to cover her.) Good God, who are you?
(Emmy smiles.)
(Roxie’s Apartment – Morning)
(Roxie is asleep on the couch.)
TV: Good morning, boys and girls. I don't see Zingy. She just bit smiling Alan.
(Prince & Company)
(Jonathan wakes up in the window. He looks out and sees a bum who smiles at him. He gets up and goes over to Emmy but she has turned into a mannequin again. He runs his hands through his hair and then exits the window.)
(Roxie’s Apartment Building – Street)
(Roxie exits her apartment building and as she does Armand pulls up.)
Armand: Hey Roxie, you look foxy! Can I ride you?
Roxie: I'll be walking to work. Thank you.
Armand: No! Don't be silly!
(Jonathan rides up on his motorcycle and pulls in front of Armand.)
Jonathan: Wait!
(Roxie pulls open the door of Armand’s car and gets in.)
Roxie: I thought our plans were for 8:00 last night. My mistake.
Jonathan: I've got to talk to you.
Roxie: We have nothing to talk about.
Armand: Take a hike, wussy pants.
Jonathan: Something happened last night. I'm going crazy. I saw things that couldn't have happened.
Roxie: Where were you? You look like you slept in the street.
Jonathan: Prince and Company.
Roxie: Oh, Prince and Company! That’s your big job!
Jonathan: You know the mannequin that I made? She's there. She came to life. She knew who I was.
Roxie: You could have told me you just decided to stand me up. Instead, you come here to me lying with this ridiculous story!
Jonathan: No, I'm not lying, I'm insane.
Roxie: Armand, let's get out of here.
(Armand and Roxie drive off leaving Jonathan standing there.)
(Jonathan’s Apartment)
(Jonathan is walking around talking to his mom on the phone.)
Jonathan: Mom, when I was growing up, did I ever do anything really strange? Yeah, I know I was always different. Let me ask you this: Is there any history of insanity in the family? I mean, Grandma-- Grandma and Grandpa weren't half-brother and sister? No, I'm fine, Ma. You know, you're alone a lot. You start inventing things. Women, you know, a beautiful woman.... Enough about me. How are you? You ever have hallucinations?
(Prince & Company)
(A crowd has gathered outside the window. Hollywood is inside amazed at what he sees. He turns and spots Jonathan in the crowd and claps. Jonathan heads inside the store.)
(Illustra)
(BJ and Roxie are walking the floor.)
BJ: This is America. You do not set the pace by redecorating. You demolish.
Roxie: Of course. I'll remember that.
BJ: We'll build the best Illustra yet on that site. And when I move up someone will have to take my place here. I'll be keeping my eye on you.
(A man runs up to BJ, quite excited.)
Man: B.J.! You won't believe it! Prince and Company has the most incredible window. I'm talking fabu. People were lined up outside to get a peek.
Roxie: At what?
Man: I passed it coming back from the tanning session. It's the most amazing thing I've ever seen.
BJ: (irritated) Really?
Man: You know, it really wasn't that great. It was interesting. In a jejune way, at best. (BJ grabs the guy by his collar.) I didn't care for it myself. You know... (BJ walks off. The man grabs Roxie by the arm.) You should have seen it! It was beyond brilliant! There was 20 mannequins with tennis rackets coming out of...
(Prince & Company – Mr. Richard’s Office/ Illustra – BJ’s Office)
(Mr. Richards is on the phone with BJ. We go back and forth between his office and BJ’s.)
Mr. Richards: Beej, he's just a twerpy stock boy! That window was a fluke.
BJ: When I move up, somebody will have to take my place here. But if you let that stock boy screw things up, it sure won't be you. I've worked on this deal too long to have it ruined by some snot-nosed punk.
Mr. Richards: I can handle him.
BJ: I meant you, Richards!
Mr. Richards: Of course you did. But you know that the board meeting is today. I guarantee the sale will go through. Under your inspired leadership, Illustra will reach new heights. So we--
BJ: Richards! Where in the hell did you learn to kiss ass like that? Did you take a class?
Mr. Richards: No, sir. That's a God-given gift. Beej? B.J., are you there?
(Prince & Company – Board Room)
(The board members are all seated at the table.)
Mr. Richards: We'd all love to know what possessed Switcher to create such a window display. Did you see those crowds gaping on the sidewalk? It's an embarrassment!
(Waiting Room)
(Jonathan is pacing. Hollywood walks in, dressed wildly, as usual.)
Hollywood: Never you fear, your Hollywood is here. Rumor Control has it that the board wants to fire your little behind. You let me in there at those so-and-sos. I'll straighten them out, tout de suite. How can they think of firing you?
Jonathan: They're business people. They won't appreciate an emotional appeal.
Hollywood: You're right. (He beings unbuttoning his shirt.) I was hoping to avoid this, but this is an hour of desperation.
Jonathan: This is not the way to approach this, okay?
(Hollywood pulls off his shirt to reveal a nice gray suit underneath.)
Hollywood: You don't think so? Please don't tell anyone you saw me dressed like this. I have a reputation to uphold.
Jonathan: My lips are sealed. I appreciate this demonstration.
Hollywood: That's it! A demonstration! I'll create a media event. Call the newspaper, boys and girls. The headline will read: "If Jonathan is fired, Hollywood flies." Excuse me while I step out onto the window ledge.
(Jonathan grabs Hollywood to stop him.)
Jonathan: No! Come on.
(They both fall to the floor.)
Hollywood: I'm sorry.
Jonathan: It's okay.
Hollywood: I do get carried away sometimes.
Jonathan: No, not you.
Hollywood: That Richards, he gives men a bad name!
Jonathan: No! Mr. Richards said he was gonna fix everything for me.
Hollywood: (gives him a look, skeptical) MmmHmm.
(Board Room)
Mr. Richards: What arrogance! That worm of a stock boy has created an affront to the dignity of this store. I'll have it taken down immediately and make sure that lunatic never works in this town again. What say, shall we move on to the sale to Illustra?
Mrs. Timkin: Just a minute, Mr. Richards. I believe we're onto something here. Maybe people will come to see our bold, new window displays. If they come to look, they'll stay to buy.
Board Member1: With all due respect, Mrs. Timkin, it's a little late for that. And we do have the firm offer from Illustra.
Mrs. Timkin: For one tenth the value of the store! Besides, I can't bear the thought of selling this place especially to that awful B.J. Wert.
Board Member1: We know how much the store means to you, ma'am but, 10 percent is better than bankruptcy.
Board Member2: I think Mrs. Timkin is right. I move we postpone the sale for six weeks.
Board Member3: I second the motion.
Mrs. Timkin: All in favor? All opposed? This meeting is adjourned. (The board members file out.) Harris, would you bring Mr. Switcher in?
Mr. Richards: What? No, wait. I think—
(Jonathan walks in.)
Mrs. Timkin: Good news. We've not only decided to keep you on but I'm promoting you to visual merchandiser.
Jonathan: You're kidding! That's great! What is it?
Mrs. Timkin: Just keep doing what you did last night and you'll be fine.
Jonathan: I'm not sure I can do it again. Last night might have been a one-time inspiration.
Mrs. Timkin: Don't doubt yourself. Go with it. Feel it. You're doing the job you were meant to do.
(She leaves.)
Mr. Richards: You must lead a charmed life. It was all I could do to save your skin in here. No thanks are necessary, Switcher!
(He leaves. Jonathan gives a whoop and sits down at the table and puts his feet up.)
(Exit – Night)
(People are filing out of the store as Felix waits to lock up.)
Felix: Good evening, Mr. Richards, sir.
Mr. Richards: Listen, that new stock boy, Switcher, has been promoted. He'll be doing windows at night. Just keep an eye on him for me.
Felix: Do you suspect pilferage, sir? I'd be happy to strip-search him.
Mr. Richards: You people that work at night scare me. I just want you to let me know what he's up to, how he works.
Felix: Yes, sir. His M.O. Would you like that in a written report?
Mr. Richards: You write?
Felix: No. Rambo does.
Mr. Richards: Just watch him.
Felix: Yes, sir. Come on, Rambo. We have got ourselves a mission. (He stops and sniffs, then looks down at the dog.) Jesus Christ, Rambo!
(Window)
(Jonathan comes in and draws a curtain over half the window. He then goes over to Emmy.)
Jonathan: Hi, it's me! Jonathan, remember? (Emmy doesn’t move.) I guess it was just temporary insanity.
(He goes and closes the curtain all the way and Emmy comes to life.)
Emmy: "O ye of little faith."
Jonathan: You're back! I thought--
Emmy: You remind me of my old boyfriend, Chris. He didn't have any confidence, either.
Jonathan: Chris? Who's Chris?
Emmy: Just a sailor. I told him that the world was round and I never saw him again.
Jonathan: Christopher Columbus? You knew him?
Emmy: Uh huh.
Jonathan: So, you didn't come here directly from Edfu?
Emmy: No. I tried out different times and places but none of them ever seemed right.
Jonathan: You didn't happen to run into Michelangelo?
Emmy: Michelangelo…Michelangelo…Yes! Oh, he wasn't very interested in me though. He was involved with some guy named David.
Jonathan: Come on.
Emmy: Were you there?
(Music Department)
(Jonathan and Emmy walk in.)
Jonathan: Mrs. Timkin loved what you did last night, but they think I did it. They want me to keep doing brilliant windows. You've gotta help me.
Emmy: Of course.
Jonathan: You are magic.
(Jonathan goes to kiss her but she leans back and ends up sitting on a stereo control box. Suddenly music starts blaring out of the speakers.)
Emmy: Where do they hide all the musicians?
(Montage of scenes where they are dressed in different outfits dancing to the music throughout the store.)
(Music Department)
(Jonathan and Emmy dance back into the room. Emmy strikes a pose just as Hollywood enters. Jonathan’s back is to him at first.)
Hollywood: Come on, let's dance!
Jonathan: No. I can't.
Hollywood: Shake that thing!
Jonathan: Great. I want you to meet somebody. This is Emmy. (He notices that she’s a mannequin again.)
Hollywood: Very nice. Maybe I can get G.I. Joe, and we can double sometime.
Jonathan: No! You don't understand. She--
Hollywood: Don't say nothing. It's cool. It's obvious to this country girl that you're an A-number one creative freak. Imagine pretending to be a stock boy when you're a major artiste. I am so jealous. Some people may find you strange, but not me. I respect that. Create, honey, create! I'll leave you two alone and go meet Albert for dinner. I hope he doesn't mind.
Jonathan: No.
(Hollywood give Emmy a final look as he leaves. Jonathan goes to stand beside her and she comes alive again.)
Jonathan: Just when I think you're real, you vanish. What's with you?
Emmy: What's with me? Didn't I tell you? You're the only one who can see me like this.
Jonathan: That's not exactly fair, is it?
Emmy: Not to them.
(Walkway)
(Felix is walking with Rambo near the elevators. They hear some noise in the elevator.)
Felix: Do you hear something? Wait a minute. Okay, you Rambo, get ready. (He releases Rambo as the elevator doors open.) Attack! (Rambo runs into the elevator and then runs right back out.) Rambo. (Jonathan exits the elevator with the Emmy mannequin under his arm.) What? Stay there!
Jonathan: Easy, Felix. I don't think she's armed.
Felix: You can fool Rambo, but it won't work with me, Switcher! My brain is quicker than a—(the elevator doors close on him.)
(Window)
(Jonathan and Emmy are creating a new window. They have several mannequins set up on bikes that are on a treadmill of sorts. There is a city background behind them. Jonathan is setting up the treadmill.)
Emmy: I think that we've outdone ourselves.
Jonathan: Yeah, this one's kind of fun.
Emmy: Ready?
Jonathan: Let her rip.
(Emmy flips the switch and the treadmill starts. But Jonathan’s pants were stuck to it and so they get pulled off. Jonathan buries his face in his hands.)
Emmy: (smiles) Very nice.
(Ext. Store – Day)
(A crowd has gathered to see the new window. Emmy is one of the mannequins on the bikes.)
Jonathan: Good morning, Mrs. T.
Mrs. Timkin: Good morning, Jonathan.
Jonathan: What do you think? It's hot, there's gonna be meltdown.
Mrs. Timkin: Yes! Hot, smoking, burning, churning, whatever! Oh yes!
(Jonathan’s Apartment)
(Jonathan is asleep when the phone rings. He answers the phone.)
Jonathan: Hello?
Roxie: Hi, Jonathan. Hi. It's me, Roxie.
Jonathan: I thought you weren't talking to me.
Roxie: I wanted to see you. I want to know you're all right.
Jonathan: I gotta get some sleep. I work nights now, okay?
Roxie: All right, but get up in time for lunch. I'm taking you to Chez Jacques at 1:00. You know where it is.
Jonathan: Yeah, I was fired from that place once, I almost burned that joint down.
Roxie: It'll be just like old times. And please don't stand me up again.
Jonathan: Yeah, okay.
(Illustra – Roxie’s Office)
Roxie: Bye. (hangs up the phone and turns to BJ) He'll be there.
BJ: Love that gal.
(Chez Jacques)
Jonathan: Hi, Tony. Hi, Hans! I see you're wearing the nighttime hair at lunch now. Looks good.
Hans: It's you. The flambe terrorist. Will you not be satisfied till you burn the whole place down?
Jonathan: It was an accident. I tried to show the customer a little flair.
Roxie: Jonathan!
Hans: You're here to dine?
Jonathan: That's right, old boy! By the way, the eyebrows are growing back nice. Sorry I'm late, I overslept.
Roxie: That's okay. You're only an hour late. Just glad you made it. I love this place. It's so romantic.
Jonathan: Yeah! Boy, they did a good job rebuilding the balcony. It went up like a Roman candle.
Roxie: Jonathan, it seems like I was all wrong about you. And I have a way of making it up for you. How would you like to be the chief window dresser at Illustra?
Jonathan: You're kidding.
Roxie: Word is out, Jonathan. You're hot. Can you imagine being at Illustra?
Jonathan: They want me?
Roxie: We want you.
Jonathan: What if I told you I had a little help?
Roxie: Fine. There's two of you? Whoever he is you can bring him along.
Jonathan: And what if I told you it was a very beautiful woman?
Roxie: I wouldn't mind. Not in the least.
Jonathan: I can't do it.
Roxie: Monday, we'll work together.
Jonathan: You're not listening.
Roxie: You can drive me to work. I miss that quirky little motorcycle of yours.
Jonathan: I'm not taking the job.
Roxie: What? Why not?
Jonathan: If I'm one thing, I'm loyal.
Roxie: Jonathan, you're not seriously turning me down?
Jonathan: I'm not the same guy I used to be. I finally found a place where I belong. I'll see you around.
(He gets up and as he goes to leave he bumps into a waiter that is lighting a dessert on fire. The fire dessert gets knocked onto a nearby table and that stuff catches on fire.) I got it! Don't panic! It's just a little one! (He grabs Hans hairpiece and begins to pound out the fire. He quickly drops it and heads for the door.) Bye, Roxie!
(Hans picks up his ruined hairpiece and looks after Jonathan.)
(Prince & Company – Mr. Richards Office)
Felix: There's something strange going on in the store at night, Mr. Richards. Every time Rambo sees a mannequin, he gets so scared his little pug tail comes right out his little mouth.
Mr. Richards: Felix, you were in the war, weren't you?
Felix: Airborne. Yes, sir!
Mr. Richards: Did you jump out of a plane and land on your face?
Felix: Yes, sir! I don't see what it has to do with Rambo.
Mr. Richards: Isn't it obvious Switcher is behind all of this?
Felix: That skunk!
Mr. Richards: An eternal failure is putting together the most magnificent displays in town.
Felix: The bum.
Mr. Richards: You say you hear voices, there's no one there.
Felix: Just him and his dummies.
Mr. Richards: Is someone helping him? Is he a ventriloquist? Some kind of mad genius?
Felix: Good questions all, sir.
Mr. Richards: Find out the answers!
Felix: Yes, sir! What about little Rambo?
Mr. Richards: Screw your dog!
(Exit)
(Felix is rushing people out the door. Rambo is sitting in a little red Radio Flyer cart.)
Felix: Let's go, people, clear out. Clear out, lady!
Woman: Stop pushing, okay? I'm going.
Felix: Come on, Rambo. Tonight we nail that little fart blossom.
(Sports Department)
(A cruise scene has been set up in the sports department. Emmy is in a bathing suit and Jonathan is in shorts and a tropical shirt. They are laying out on the “deck” of the cruise ship.)
TV: On behalf of Capt. Clark and the crew we'd like to thank you for flying with Eastern. And we hope you enjoy your fun-filled day in the Caribbean.
Jonathan: We deserve this vacation.
Emmy: The sun feels pretty strong. I could use some suntan lotion if someone were willing to rub it on.
(Jonathan picks up the bottle of suntan lotion.)
Jonathan: It's a dirty job, but somebody's gotta do it.
(Main Floor)
(Roxie and Armand are sneaking through the store trying to find Jonathan.)
Roxie: We are alone.
Armand: Okay.
Roxie: So, listen, we find him, get a picture of whoever this woman is and get out. If we can't hire Jonathan, maybe at least we can buy her out.
Armand: I don't know about you, but I've always wanted to make love in the ladies' shoe department. The smell of fine leather. Can I show you something in your size?
Roxie: What? (She smacks him.)
Armand: You mean you took me serious?
(Sports Department)
(Jonathan has finished putting the lotion on Emmy. She gets a piece of ice out of her glass without him noticing and then drops it down the front of his pants.)
Jonathan: You're gonna pay for that.
Emmy: Stop it! Don't!
(They roll across the floor.)
(Main Floor)
(Felix is looking for Jonathan.)
Felix: Mayday! Mayday, Rambo. Okay, boy. Okay. Show 'em what you're made of. Go get 'em! (Rambo jumps out of the cart and runs the opposite direction.) Rambo! This way! This means a court-martial!
(Main Floor – Another Area)
Roxie: You hear that? That must be them.
Armand: I wish it was us.
Roxie: Come on. We've got them.
(Sports Department)
Jonathan: Give up?
Emmy: Never.
(They roll back the other way, and when they stop Emmy is a mannequin again. Jonathan looks up and sees Felix.)
Felix: Switcher. You are one sick puppy.
(Roxie and Armand have climbed the escalator and are watching from a distance.)
Armand: So this is the young lady he dumped you for? Nice. Beauteous!
Roxie: I really should have listened when he asked me for help.
(Armand takes some pictures.)
Armand: Tell me, when you were making love to him did you ever scream, "Don't stop, woody"?
(Roxie shoves him down the escalator.)
Roxie: Oh, my camera.
(She goes down to get her camera.)
Jonathan: No, this is how I get my inspiration. I create. I can tell by looking at you, you're not the artistic type.
Felix: You know, Mr. Richards told me to keep an eye on you, but I think I'm gonna handle things my own way. You want to move your sweetheart? (They begin to fight. Felix gets in a couple of punches.) That one was for Rambo. Switcher, this is for my Mama! (Jonathan manages to get the tennis ball machine to come on. It starts shooting tennis balls at Felix.) Switcher. Switcher, I'm gonna knock you into the middle of next week!
(Felix is about to hit Jonathan with his nightstick, but it gets kicked out his hand by someone. Felix then gets punched out. He falls to the ground and Emmy comes over and sits on him.)
Jonathan: How'd you do that?
Emmy: I was standing behind him, he didn't see me.
Jonathan: Teach him to mess with a man and his mannequin.
(Back Hallways)
(Jonathan and Emmy are riding bikes. Emmy passes by where Hollywood is working. His back is to her. He hears a noise but when he turns around she is already gone. He turns back to his work. Jonathan rides by, and again when Hollywood turns there is no one there. He pauses in his work to change his sunglasses. After putting on a new pair he goes back to work.)
(Emmy stops her bike when she sees a hang gliding device.)
(Main Floor – Upper Level)
(Jonathan is looking for Emmy.)
Jonathan: Emmy? Where'd you go?
(He looks out over the balcony and sees Emmy in the hang gliding device, hang gliding down the center of the store.)
(Main Floor)
(Felix has caught up with Rambo.)
Felix: This is your last chance. We take him or we die trying!
(Stairwell)
(Jonathan is running down the stairs as fast as he can to get to Emmy.)
Jonathan: Emmy!
(Main Floor)
(While she is coasting down to the main floor Emmy spots Felix. She aims the glider at him. When he looks up he sees a mannequin coming at him in a glider. She hits him and he falls to the ground unconscious. She climbs out of the glider. Jonathan runs up and pushes the glider out of the way.)
Emmy: I did it! I flew! I really flew!
Jonathan: Are you all right?
Emmy: Terrific, incredible, I feel great! Did you see how high I was?
(She suddenly passes out.)
(Toy Department)
(Jonathan and Emmy are sitting surrounded by about a hundred stuffed animals.)
Jonathan: I just had a thought. You think we should name our first kid Pinocchio?
Emmy: Jonathan are you sure this is right for you?
Jonathan: I'm positive. What about you? You've waited a long time. How do you know you're not missing something better 5,000 years later?
Emmy: Nothing could ever be better than being here with you.
Jonathan: This is one guy who's never gonna leave your side. The window! (He gets up and runs off without her. She frowns. He quickly comes back and grabs her hand.) Come on. (She smiles and runs off with him.)
(Window)
(They both run in.)
Emmy: It's almost sunrise. We can't possibly finish it!
Jonathan: Don't worry about a thing.
Emmy: But we'll never dress the mannequins in time!
Jonathan: (smiles) That's right!
(Ext. Store – Morning)
(A crowd has gathered to see the new window. One woman is sketching it. There are men and woman mannequins in various states of undress in the window. Emmy is fully dressed and is in her position as a sort of traffic guard. Hollywood runs into BJ who is checking out the window.)
Hollywood: Absolutely scintillating! Beyond genius!
BJ: It sucks.
Hollywood: Fool.
(Main Floor)
(A crowd has gathered around Felix who is still passed out and is lying in the middle of some clothing racks.)
Mr. Richards: I don't believe it's lunch yet. Let's not dally. (The crowd disperses.) Felix!
Felix: (wakes up) What happened?
Mr. Richards: Why don't you tell me?
Felix: Where's Rambo? It's that Switcher. I caught him doing awful things to a half-naked dummy.
Mrs. Timkin: Richards, is this your idea of a security guard?
Mr. Richards: I assure you I had nothing to do…
Mrs. Timkin: You hired him, you fire him.
Mr. Richards: What if he's telling the truth?
Mrs. Timkin: How can you think that?
Mr. Richards: The man is a lunatic, but I've never known him to lie.
Felix: He's absolutely right.
Mrs. Timkin: Mr. Richards, this store has never been more successful. It's all due to Jonathan Switcher. I don’t care if he puts a rubber glove on his head and runs around the store naked yelling "Hi, I'm a squid!"
Jonathan: Hi. 'Morning, Mrs. T.
Mrs. Timkin: Hello, Jonathan. This morning's window is your most brilliant yet.
Jonathan: Thank you. What happened here?
Mrs. Timkin: God only knows.
Jonathan: Felix, did you try and take Omaha Beach all by yourself, again?
Felix: I was doing what Mr. Richards told me to.
Mr. Richards: I never said anything…
Mrs. Timkin: Is that right? Well, Mr. Richards when you take Felix to get his last paycheck get your own as well.
Mr. Richards: Mrs. Timkin, you may be our grande dame but I've had serious doubts about a woman your age running this store. I'll appeal to the board.
Mrs. Timkin: I can't imagine you're appealing to anybody. Don't mess with this old chick, mister. Just pack it up. Jonathan, let's go.
Jonathan: And get that dog out of the tree.
Felix: You can't do this! We'll file a grievance with the union!
Mr. Richards: We’re not in a union, you idiot.
(Prince & Company – Office Area)
(Jonathan has taken Emmy into a room and a crowd has gathered outside. Jonathan opens the door to come out.)
Hollywood: Hi there, Jonathan. I didn't know you were in there.
Jonathan: Excuse me.
(Illustra – Meeting Room)
BJ: What the hell are you people doing? Have you seen the latest figures, children? 89 percent. Sales are down 89 percent! Prince and Company is going through the roof! All right. Now, I want this to stop, children. And if it doesn't, so help me God! You are all dead meat!
(Prince & Company – Board Room)
Mrs. Timkin: Jonathan, it is my honor to inform you that starting Monday morning you'll be the youngest vice president ever at Prince and Company. Congratulations.
Board Member: Hear, hear!
Jonathan: I don't know what to say.
Mrs. Timkin: Say, "Thank you."
Jonathan: Thank you!
Mrs. Timkin: Long live Prince and Company. Cheers.
(Illustra – Meeting Room)
(BJ is looking at the pictures that Roxie took of Jonathan and Emmy.)
BJ: Son of a gun. So, Richards was telling the truth. I've been in this business 20 years. Hell, half the guys in this store probably wear lace underwear but, this…We're talking a Sunday drive into some serious dementia. It's our move now.
Roxie: I'd do anything for Illustra but these pictures could kind of ruin his life.
BJ: Roxie, I'd never ruin anyone's life. I would, but only if it were absolutely necessary. Roxie, you're not developing a conscience on me, are you?
Roxie: No, I don't think so.
BJ: Good. Anyway, I don't want to ruin his life I just want to hire him. And now I know how.
(Prince & Company)
(Jonathan has Emmy and is looking for a place where he can talk with her. He moves to go into the Mens room, but changes his mind and moves to go into the Ladies Room. The door opens just as he’s about to go in and a woman exits.)
Woman: Oh, hi.
Jonathan: Miss Thomas, hi.
Miss Thomas: Please, Jonathan, it's all yours.
Jonathan: Thanks. Men's room is broken.
Miss Thomas: Of course, dear, whatever you say. Congratulations.
Jonathan: Thank you.
(Ladies Room)
(Jonathan is checking under the stalls while Emmy sits on the counter, alive.)
Jonathan: You won't believe what Mrs. Timkin and the board just told me.
Emmy: Vice president. Jonathan, that's wonderful!
(She grabs him in a big hug.)
(Outside)
(Miss Thomas is listening at the door. She motions to two other women to come over.)
Miss Thomas: Tina, Moni, he's talking to the dummy again.
(All three women listen at the door.)
(Ladies Room)
Emmy: Nobody deserves it more.
Jonathan: I knew this would happen for you. Creative freedom, practically my own boss, maybe some World Series tickets. All right, I'm sorry. I'm going on and on. I couldn't do this without you. I won't take the job unless we can be together.
Emmy: Jonathan you can't worry about what will happen to us. What does that mean?
(Outside)
(Hollywood walks up to the three women at the restroom door.)
Hollywood: Girls, please, let's not be catty. I simply will not tolerate eavesdropping unless I'm a part of it. I assume my Jonathan is in there.
Miss Thomas: You can't go in. He's got company, if you know what I mean.
Hollywood: And who do you think introduced them?
(He moves them aside and goes into the restroom.)
(Ladies Room)
(Hollywood walks in to see Jonathan kissing Emmy, who is now a mannequin.)
Hollywood: At least she'll never say your hips are too fat.
Jonathan: Hollywood! Jeez, listen.
Hollywood: You know I would never bother you when you're getting a piece of wood but this is muy importante. Your Hollywood needs help.
Jonathan: What's up?
Hollywood: I need your creative muse. I've always thought of myself as hot stuff, the very best at what I do. But seeing you, let's just say it, I'm dirt. Mold me. Shape me. I'm a fast learner. Please, Jonathan, do not let them turn me out into that dark night alone.
Jonathan: We can talk about designs and stuff but when I work, I gotta work alone.
Hollywood: Of course. I understand perfectly. You're an artiste, and that's the way you work. I can respect that.
(Hollywood bursts into tears.)
Jonathan: Jesus. Hollywood, listen, don't worry. You can work as long as you want here, I'm a vice president now.
(Outside)
(A fourth woman walks up because she can hear the crying.)
4th Woman: Who's crying?
2nd Woman: It's either our new vice president, the fairy or the dummy.
(Main Floor – Night)
Jonathan: Emmy, please, you've gotta help me.
Emmy: I can't come alive in front of Hollywood. Besides, you can do it on your own.
Jonathan: How can you say that? We do everything together!
Emmy: You can't hold yourself back because of me. Now, come on. Hollywood's waiting. You'll do a masterpiece tonight.
Jonathan: Emmy....
Emmy: I'll be waiting in the window.
(Window)
(Jonathan is working with Hollywood. Hollywood pushes a robe off a female mannequin and poses beside her.)
Hollywood: Jonathan, how about a picture? Mom will think I've switched.
Jonathan: Hollywood, you're a genius!
Hollywood: I am? Yes!
Jonathan: Okay, we need to make a list.
Hollywood: (pulls out a pad of paper) Fire away.
Jonathan: 30 feet of black nylon cord....
Hollywood: Sounds like my kind of list.
Hollywood: Jonathan: Easy, sugar. Okay....
(Illustra – BJ’s office)
BJ: You personally vouch for this guy?
Mr. Richards: He's worked at Prince and Company for 15 years. I think he'll be just fine. He's an imbecile, but... This is him. Felix, come in. (Felix comes in.) This is Mr. B.J. Wert.
Felix: Mr. Wert, sir!
BJ: It's fine. Felix, there are hundreds of mannequins at Prince and Company. Will you be able to identify the one Jonathan Switcher has a romantic interest in?
Felix: Absolutely, sir. I never forget a name or a face, Mr. Nertz.
BJ: Good. Felix, we need your help, and if you succeed you will have a cushy new job right here at Illustra.
Mr. Richards: We want to get Switcher's mannequin out of the store and bring her here, secretly of course.
Felix: A covert operation. I would be happy and proud to lead this mission, sir!
BJ: Good!
(Prince & Company – Main Floor)
(We see a hand reach into a jewelry case and remove a necklace and then some earrings. Then we see Jonathan, dressed in a tux, place the jewelry on Emmy who is also dressed very nice.)
(Outside)
(Jonathan and Emmy exit the store and stop to admire Jonathan’s window.)
Emmy: It's the most beautiful window I've ever seen.
Jonathan: It's all you.
Emmy: Not this time.
Jonathan: Every time. You're part of me now. I got you in here. Come on. You ready to go?
Emmy: Are you sure you wanna do this?
(They walk over to his motorcycle. Jonathan gets on and helps Emmy up behind him.)
Jonathan: Absolutely. You've been cooped up in that store too long. Besides, who cares what people think? Just put your arms around me and hold on tight.
Emmy: With pleasure.
(She wraps her arms around him just as Roxie and Armand drive up. Emmy becomes a mannequin again.)
Roxie: Jonathan! Look, Jonathan, I know about your problem.
Jonathan: What problem?
Roxie: You're riding with a mannequin on the back of your motorcycle. What is wrong with this picture?
Jonathan: Right, you two haven't met. Roxie, this is Emmy. Emmy, Roxie.
Roxie: Nice to meet.... My God, what am I saying? Jonathan, I wanna give you one last chance. Now, come to Illustra!
Jonathan: What is in this for you, Roxie? An office with a view? I don't need Illustra or you. I got friends here, people who care and someone who makes me feel good about myself. Bye, Roxie.
(He drives off. Roxie storms back to the car.)
Roxie: You'll be sorry! You're making a big mistake!
Armand: Roxie....
Roxie: He's out of his mind! B.J. was right. When I get that dummy, I'm gonna tear her hair out!
Armand: You know what you need to do right now? You need to put him and this whole nasty affair out of your mind. Now, how is the best way to do that? By having a night of distasteable sex with someone that you care absolutely nothing about. And proudly, I would like to be that person.
Roxie: Fine, let's just go to your place.
Armand: Really?
Roxie: Drive fast before I have second thoughts!
Armand: Armand is the wind!
(Alley)
(Felix and Mr. Richards are parked in an alley next to Prince & Company. Felix is putting “camouflage” on his face)
Felix: Mr. Richards, you'd better put some camouflage on, sir.
Mr. Richards: I am not going to put shoe polish on my face, thank you. Now, could we please get into the store, Felix?
Felix: Yes, sir.
(City Street – Stop Light)
(Jonathan comes to a stop next to an elderly couple that’s out walking.)
Elderly Lady: Look at him with a dummy!
Elderly Man: Who are you to criticize?
(Street)
(Jonathan drives by the alley where Felix and Mr. Richards are waiting.)
Felix: It's him! It's her! That little prevert! He's stealing her before we can!
Mr. Richards: Don't do anything rash! We'll follow them, and at the right moment, grab her.
Felix: Don't worry, Mr. Richards, I'm an expert at surveillance. Hang on!
(He peels out after Jonathan.)
Felix: Where'd he go?
Mr. Richards: That way.
(They turn the corner to follow Jonathan. Jonathan is now aware he’s being chased. Emmy comes alive long enough to give Felix “the bird”. Jonathan comes to a stop light and sees what Emmy has done. He lowers her mannequin arm.)
Felix: That is it! No more of this surveillance crap. Capt. Felix Maxwell takes this from no mannequin!
(Felix hits the gas and runs into the car in front of him.)
Mr. Richards: No! Get us out of here before he gets out of the car!
Felix: Watch out!
Mr. Richards: Hang on!
Felix: You're finished, Switcher!
Mr. Richards: You may as well hang up your jockey strap!
Felix: Let me go! No, Mr. Richards! No!
Mr. Richards: Be careful, you maniac! I know!
(Jonathan leads the chase into another alley. He jumps his bike over a ramp and some boxes in the middle of the way. Felix prepares to jump the ramp.)
Felix: This is for you, Rambo. We got him! (The car gets stuck between the two alley walls, about 8 feet off the ground.) I want to get out. Geronimo!
(Armand’s Apartment)
(Armand is in bed and Roxie is dressing.)
Armand: I don't understand it. This never happened to Armand before. Never! It must be you. You're so cold. You're so unfeeling. (Roxie gets up to leave.) Where can I get a mannequin, too?
(Prince & Company)
(Various shots of Jonathan and Emmy making love in different areas of the store.)
(Coat Department)
(Jonathan and Emmy lay on a bunch of fur coats.)
Emmy: Jonathan. What are you thinking about?
Jonathan: The window. Turned out pretty didn't it?
Emmy: It was breathtaking.
Jonathan: Emmy... Ema Hesire... I feel like I could do anything. Windows are only the start. I think we could design an entire city. No one takes the time to build things that have character and dignity. People need that.
Emmy: We could give it to them.
Jonathan: I love you, Emmy.
Emmy: I love you, too, Jonathan. I better get into the window.
(She quietly gets up and leaves him sleeping.)
(Prince & Company – Mannequin Storage)
(Felix and Mr. Richards have broken into the store.)
Felix: That peckerhead doubled back on me. I saw his motorcycle out front. That dummy of his has got to be here! This is the one!
Mr. Richards: You're positive?
Felix: Absotively! Wait a minute. This one kinda looks like her, too.
Mr. Richards: I've put my future in the hands of a vegetable. Just get the mannequin. Get the mannequin.
(They begin hauling mannequins out of the store.)
(Window)
(Emmy walks into the window. She hears Felix and Mr. Richards and she turns into a mannequin.)
Felix: (os) It's over there!
Mr. Richards: (os) No, this is the door.
Felix: (os) This is not the door! (they try the door) This is the door. (They walk into the window.) Wait. Mr. Richards did you ever notice how they all sort of look alike?
Mr. Richards: Look at that one.
Felix: (looking at Emmy) Maybe this is her.
(He picks up Emmy and moves her out.)
(Morning)
(Employees have arrived at work and they see Jonathan still asleep in the coat department. Hollywood walks up.)
Man: This is really interesting.
Woman: This is art.
Man2: It's like theater.
Man3: I get it!
Hollywood: (snaps his fingers) Excuse me. (wakes up Jonathan) Good morning, starshine. I sleep alone these days, too, but I am not about to advertise it.
Jonathan: Get my clothes?
Hollywood: Spent the night? You slept through the whole how-do-you-do.
Jonathan: What do you mean?
Hollywood: All the girl mannequins disappeared from the windows last night film at 11:00. Yes, my dear your favorite, she is gone too.
Jonathan: Emmy?
Hollywood: Jonathan.
(Street)
(Hollywood is driving Jonathan to Illustra.)
Hollywood: I'm sorry, but you know us special people are destined for heartache. You know what works best for me? Crying shamelessly. (They arrive at Illustra and Jonathan hops out of the car.) Don't do anything drastic! (Hollywood pulls out a car cover and proceeds to cover his car.) Me, my! Okay, now. Wait a minute. Yes. My car cover, darling. Yes. Yes, girl. Jonathan, wait! (He runs in the store after Jonathan.)
(Illustra – Offices)
(Jonathan runs up to the receptionist.)
Jonathan: Roxie. Roxie Shield.
Receptionist: Can I help you?
Jonathan: Roxie Shield.
Receptionist: She's in conference…
Jonathan: Thank you. (runs into the room)
Receptionist: You can't go in there! (picks up the phone) Security.
(Meeting Room)
BJ: Jonathan! We were hoping you might drop in. Can I get you something to drink?
Jonathan: Where is she, Roxie?
BJ: She's perfectly safe. Jonathan, let's talk about your future here at Illustra.
Mr. Richards: I think it'll be wonderful to have the team back together again.
Jonathan: What'd you do with her?
Roxie: Relax, it's just a mannequin.
BJ: How does $55,000 a year sound to you?
Jonathan: You son of a bitch! (He pins BJ to the wall.)
BJ: All right, $60,000.
Mr. Richards: I don't think he's of Illustra fiber.
Jonathan: Where is she?
Roxie: You'll never see her again!
Jonathan: Where are you going?
BJ: We also have a very nice profit-sharing plan. We have extremely incriminating photos of you and that little…(Jonathan punches him and he falls to the ground. Jonathan runs after Roxie.) Get up, Richards! Get him!
(Reception)
(Security is there waiting. A guard tries to grab Jonathan, but he manages to get away leaving the guard handcuffed to himself.)
Jonathan: Sorry, gotta run.
Guard: Security alert! Man in leather jacket! (to Receptionist) Come on! Get....
(Main Floor)
(Felix is walking the floor in a brand new security outfit, with a rather large German Shepherd.)
Radio: All units, code 2. Perpetrator on main floor.
Felix: Roger. Over and out. Come on, Terminator. Duty calls.
(Stairwell)
(Jonathan nearly runs into someone in his haste to catch Roxie.)
Jonathan: Excuse me.
(Main Floor)
(Jonathan sees Roxie heading for some swinging doors that lead to the back of the store.)
Jonathan: Roxie!
(Roxie ignores him.)
(Offices)
(BJ and Mr. Richards come out of the meeting room and follow after Jonathan and Roxie.)
BJ: Call the police!
Mr. Richards: The SWAT team.
(Trash Disposal Room)
(Roxie enters the room and grabs the mannequins which are in a rolling dumpster. She moves them over to the moving walkway that will roll them to the mannequin chipper? She begins to load several of the mannequins on the walkway and starts the machine. They begin to move towards the chipper as she loads more mannequins.)
(Main Floor)
(Jonathan runs into Felix.)
Jonathan: Felix!
Felix: Switcher. (to the dog) Terminator lunchtime. Get him!
(Felix releases the dog and it runs right past Jonathan.)
Jonathan: Nice dog. (runs off)
Felix: Shit! Switcher! (chases after him, followed by several other security guards) Where did he go? There he is! No! Get him! You're finished, Switcher! You've had it, Switcher!
(Jonathan manages to escape while Felix gets stuck in a glass counter.)
Felix: Get me out of here! Put me down, you idiot! Let's go.
(They run after Jonathan.)
(Trash Disposal Room)
(The first mannequin has reached the chipper and is being destroyed. Emmy is the last mannequin on the walkway. Roxie who has been standing back, watching with a smirk on her face, suddenly looks up as the machine she is under begins to make a noise. She is then covered in bits of paper and trash. She falls down and is covered in more trash.)
(Back Hallway)
Felix: You've had it, Switcher! I'm gonna get you! You're finished, little Switcher!
(Jonathan rounds a corner and runs into Hollywood who’s waiting with a fire hose.)
Hollywood: Yoo-hoo boys! (He turns on the hose and water pours on the guards.)
Jonathan: Way to go, buddy!
(Jonathan keeps going into the trash disposal room.)
Hollywood: Two things I love to do: that's fight and kiss boys. Come on! Come and get me, Sister Maryella. What's the matter, honey? Come on. This is what being a man is all about, honey.
(Trash Storage Room)
(Jonathan runs in just as the janitor comes out of the bathroom.)
Janitor: You can't come in here.
(Jonathan spots Emmy almost at the top of the ramp and he goes to stop her from falling into the chipper.)
Jonathan: Emmy!
(Back Hallway)
(Hollywood is still preventing the officers, BJ, and Mr. Richards from following Jonathan by continues to spray water from the fire hose.)
Hollywood: Mine's bigger than yours is.
BJ: Why can't we get that damn water turned off?
(Trash Disposal Room)
(Jonathan is trying to keep Emmy from falling in the chipper. It’s very hard to do since she’s a mannequin. Suddenly she comes to life and grabs his arm. He is able to pull her out, before she gets injured. The janitor, seeing that the woman is alive quickly shuts off the machine.)
(Back Hallway)
(Hollywood’s water begins to slow down. The water stops and Hollywood sets down the hose.)
Hollywood: Shit.
Felix: Go!
(Hollywood snaps his fingers twice before heading to the Trash Disposal Room.)
Mr. Richards: Shoot him!
(Trash Disposal Room)
(Jonathan pulls Emmy fully up until they are both standing. They hug.)
Emmy: Jonathan, you saved me.
Jonathan: It's nothing, really.
Emmy: (sees the Janitor watching them) I'm alive.
Jonathan: What?
Emmy: (points) He can see me and I'm still alive!
Jonathan: (grins) You are!
Emmy: (to the heavens) Thank you! Thank you.
Jonathan: What is it?
Emmy: You're gonna have to love me forever.
Jonathan: I always have, I always will.
(They kiss.)
(Back Hallway)
(The security guards are trying to get up.)
Felix: Move!
Guard: Get out of the way, doofus! Move, damn it!
(Trash Disposal Room)
(The Janitor, seeing what happened with Emmy digs around in the trash for a mannequin of his own. He pushes some paper away and he finds Roxie, unconscious.)
Janitor: It's a miracle!
(He kisses her and she wakes up. She sees him and is disgusted.)
Roxie: Stop it! You little creep! Stop touching me! Get away from me! Please don't touch me!
(Jonathan and Emmy come down the ramp and walk past them.)
Jonathan: Roxie.
Hollywood: (runs in) Jesus, it's the heat!
Jonathan: Hollywood. Now, this is Emmy.
Hollywood: Mama, put the coins on my eyes, 'cause I sure don't believe what I am seeing.
BJ: (walks in with the guards) There he is. Arrest that man. Who's she?
Jonathan: She's who I came for.
Felix: She's the dummy!
BJ: I said, arrest that man!
(Mrs. Timkin walks in.)
Mrs. Timkin: Keep your hands off him!
Mr. Richards: Claire, thank goodness you're here. These people....
Mrs. Timkin: Shut up! B.J., you really screwed up.
BJ: What are you talking about?
Mrs. Timkin: When I fired this idiot the other day, I decided to replace him with one of those camera surveillance systems. (holds up a tape) I have Richards and this moron on videotape. I was sure you were behind this. You greedy snake!
BJ: Claire!
Mrs. Timkin: I want those two arrested for breaking and entering and grand theft. I'll get you later for conspiracy.
Jonathan: You can add kidnapping to that, too.
Mr. Richards: Kidnapping? Who?
Emmy: Me!
BJ: Who are you?
Felix: She's the dummy!
Emmy: This poor man is having a breakdown.
Guard: Get him out of here!
Felix: She's the dummy! She's the dummy!
Policeman: Please, don't use force.
Felix: Mama! I want my mama!
(Felix and Mr. Richards are escorted out by the police.)
Jonathan: Mrs. Timkin, those video cameras, did they pick up everything last night?
Mrs. Timkin: I only saw what I needed to see.
Roxie: Just where did you come from?
Jonathan: Roxie, you would never understand.
BJ: Claire… There must be some arrangement we can make?
Mrs. Timkin: Cram it, clown!
BJ: Come on, now. No, boys. You know, I see executive potential here. (BJ is led out by the police. Roxie follows.) (os) Roxie, you're fired! You'll never work in this town again!
Roxie: (os) How am I gonna pay my bills, my rent, my new watch, my car...
(Everyone remaining smiles as they leave. The janitor begins to sweep up the mess.)
(Prince & Company – Window)
(The window has been dressed to look like a wedding scene. Jonathan and Emmy are the bride and groom. Mrs. Timkin and Hollywood are also there. The preacher finishes and Jonathan and Emmy kiss. The crowd outside the window goes wild with cheers. Emmy tosses her bouquet and Hollywood catches it, crying all the while. Jonathan and Emmy look at each other and smile.)