(Astoria, Oregon – Jailhouse)
(A jail guard unlocks a cell block to call the inmates out for their lunch.)
Guard: Lunch time.
(The Inmates exit their cells and are talking to each other.)
Guard: The longer you animals bark the colder your lunch gets. Come on, move it out!(Looks toward the last cell) You too down there. (Walks down the cellblock) Hey turkey...
(Guard walks down to an open cell where one inmate has not emerged. He walks in and discovers that the inmate, Jake Fratelli, has apparently hung himself. There is a note on his chest reading, "To whom it may concern". The guard removes it, turns it over and reads the back.)
Guard: "You schmuck. Do you really think I'd be stupid enough to kill myself?" (Repeats last two words to himself) Kill myself?
(Jake opens his eyes and grins, and knocks the guard unconscious. Jake untangles himself by removing a pipe from his belt which supported his weight.)
(Francis Fratelli, Jake's brother, is pouring a ring of gasoline around the front entrance, while their mother, Mama Fratelli, waits behind the wheel of their ORV.)
Mama F: Come on!
(Francis throws the empty gasoline can in the back of the ORV and then jumps into the passenger seat, loading a semi-automatic pistol. Jake hurries down the front steps of the jailhouse in his street clothes.)
Mama F: Here he comes.
(Mama starts the car as Jake runs over to the right rear door. It's locked.)
Jake: Francis, it's the lock. The lock, Francis.
Francis: Let go of the handle.
Jake: I don't have the handle. Open the lock!
Mama F: Jake, up! (Gesturing to the open sunroof)
Mama F: Come on. Move...
Francis: It's open.
Mama F: (To Francis) Get down! (To Jake) Come on!
Jake: (Climbs head first down through the sunroof) Thanks Mama.
(Francis now reaches down through the open passenger side window and fires the gun into the gasoline on the ground. A ring of fire flares up around the entrance, trapping the jail guards who have hastily emerged looking for Jake. Francis laughs victoriously. Mama Fratelli puts the car in gear and screeches away. A number of police cars quickly pursue them.)
(High School Football Field)
(A young girl loads a cassette tape into a player and starts it.)
Andi: Okay you guys, let's try the victory pyramid. Okay so...alright... (She directs the girls as they assemble as the police chase whisks by, sirens blaring) Let's work on this next move. We can do it. Next row, come on, put your arms up, put your arms up... smile...good. (excitedly) You got it!
(The Fratellis race through a red light with several police cars hot on their tail. A Hispanic woman, Rosalita, nervously hurries across the street as cars whisk by on both sides of her.)
(House – Kitchen)
("Mouth" is watching an unrelated police chase on a small television which is turned up too loud. His father, a plumber, is struggling to make some repairs under a counter.)
Dad: Turn that TV off son, I can't hear myself think.
Mouth: Yeah right, dad.
(Mouth grudgingly turns off the TV set, but the live Fratelli chase is passing the open window. He slaps the TV a couple times, puzzled as to where the sound is coming from.)
Mouth: Huh? (He walks over to his dad and sits on the counter, looking into the sink.)
Dad: The water going down son?
Mouth: (Looks in the sink) Uh...no.
Dad: Going down now?
(Water gushes from the drain, completely drenching Mouth. He is unable to answer.)
Dad: Sorry, kid.
(Stefanie, known to her friends as Stef, is at the docks. The chase passes behind her while her head is immersed in a fishing barrel. She surfaces with a crab in hand and tosses it aside, oblivious to the commotion.)
(Data is testing a new device of his that shoots a small, suction-cupped harpoon from his belt buckle. It attaches itself securely to a steel drum across the alley. A thread spool in his belt buckle starts to reel it in. The drum starts to move towards him, much to his delight, but it is stopped by a chain attached to it. Data is drawn uncontrollably across the alley and falls head first into the drum. The police chase speeds by while he is in the drum.)
(Stop 'n Snack)
(Lawrence, whose friends refer to him as "Chunk" is at an arcade game near the front window. He is the only Goonie to have actually witnessed the police chase. He presses against the window, food in his right hand and milkshake in his left, to get the best possible look.)
Chunk: Oh wow...a police chase!(The cars race by and some gunshots are fired.) With bullets!! (The condiments from his food smear all over the window and the milkshake bursts open.) Ah, shit!
(The Fratellis arrive at the beach, temporarily away from their pursuers. Mama Fratelli laughs.)
Jake: What the hell are we doing here?
Mama F: Ah, trust in your old mother boys. Throw it into four wheel drive and hold onto your hats.
(Francis throws the car into 4-wheel drive. The annual ORV beach rally is just starting and there are dozens of similar ORV's starting a race on the beach.)
Announcer: Welcome to the third annual ORV rally. Are you ready to go?...Go!
(Mama Fratelli lurches the ORV forward in the sand and merges with the rally. They are quickly lost in the crowd of other ORVs.)
(Walsh Residence, Bedroom)
Mikey: Oh, bummer. Nothing exciting ever happens around here anyway. Who needs the Goondocks? Who needs this house? I can't wait to get outta here. (Picks up a copy of MAD magazine and begins thumbing through)
Mikey: Nah, I was just trying to delate myself. No, no...y'know, um, uh, dic..dictate myself.
Brand: That's delude yourself, dummy.
Mikey: That's what I said. (He jumps onto Brand's chest, pushing the weights down on top of Brand.) Thanks, Brand.
Brand: I know how you feel, wimp. I'm sure going to miss this place too.
(Brand pushes up hard on the weights, lifting Mikey at the same time. A knock is heard at the front door. Brand and Mikey both lunge to get to the door first.)
Brand: (Throwing Mikey aside) Adopted wuss.
Mikey: Adopted wuss...I'm no adopted wuss. I'll kill you, Brand!
(Brand peers around the corner and sees Mouth through the glass door. Mouth is there combing his hair.)
Brand: Oh, it's Mouth.
(Brand walks away from the door. He slouches in an armchair, stretching a spring-type chest exerciser. Mikey opens the screen door to let Mouth in. Mouth is carrying a Pepsi, and is wearing a concert shirt for Prince's Purple Rain.)
Mouth: Hey, Meekey. Yo Mikey. Eh, Mikey, seen Adrian? Hey guys, what's going down? (Puts his foot on the coffee table).
Brand: Get your foot off the table, Mouth.
Mouth: You got it. What's going down guys? Hey, what's the matter with you guys? Come on? What's the matter? What is this, a nuclear Saturday or something? Come on, guys. This is our last weekend together, last "Goonie" weekend. We got to be goin' out in style, cruisin' the coast, sniffin' some lace, downin' some brews...but nooo. The one older brother had to go and screw it up, by flunking your driver's test? (Brand takes a swing at him but he ducks.) Don't know what to do with ya, kid.
Chunk: (Outside) Hey g uys, I just got the best...you're not gonna believe. (shouting) Hey you guys, you gotta let me in.
(Mouth steps out onto the veranda. Chunk is at the gate trying to get in.)
Mouth: Jerk alert! It's Chunk.
Chunk: I'm not lyin'. I just saw the most amazing thing in my entire life.
Mouth: First you gotta do the Truffle Shuffle.
Chunk: Come on...
Mouth: Do it.
Chunk: Come on...
Mouth: (Insistent) Do it!
(Chunk groans and then climbs up onto a tree stump near the gate. He rolls up the lower half of his shirt, makes a strange facial expression, and then shakes himself. The layers of fat on his chest and abdomen jiggle as he makes all sorts of silly sounds to accompany. Mouth giggles hysterically.)
Mikey: Cut it out, Mouth.
(Mikey pulls on a cord which raises a tin bucket, releasing a bowling ball. It rolls across the railing and falls into another bucket. A long and complex chain reaction occurs, ultimately turning on the sprinkler, the rotation of which pulls open the gate for Chunk.)
Chunk: Oh guys, guys, thanks a lot. You guys, you're not going to believe me. This time I'm telling the truth.
(Chunk steps up to the door, but Mouth closes the screen door just as he gets there.)
Chunk: You turd!
Brand: Feed the fish, Mikey.
Mouth: You flunked your driver's test?
Brand: Shut up, Mouth.
Chunk: (He opens the screen door and comes in) Listen, okay. You guys will never believe me. There was two cop cars, okay. And they were chasing this four wheel deal, it was this real neat ORV, and there were bullets flying all over the place. It was the most amazing thing I ever saw!
Mikey: More amazing than the time Michael Jackson came over to your house to use the bathroom?
Brand: More amazing than the time you saved those old people from that nursing home fire, right?
Mouth: Yeah, and I bet it was even more amazing than the time you ate your weight in Godfather's Pizza, right?
Chunk: Okay Brand, Michael Jackson didn't come over to my house, to use the bathroom. But his sister did!
(A Balcony, next door)
(Data loads a cassette into a Walkman on his belt. James Bond music starts. He has a tightwire strung from the top of his house to the roof overhang over the Walsh's veranda next door.)
Data: Okay Data, don't mess this one up, and prepare for the Wings of Flight.
(Data hangs from a wheel-type mechanism that allows him to "fly" over to Mikey's house in a 007 type manner.)
(Walsh Residence – Living Room)
(The others, looking out over the veranda, see his approach.)
Mikey: Uh oh! Screen door! (To Mouth) Open the screen door!
Data: Mikey! The screen door!
(Data crash lands through the door into everybody in the living room; they all fall over. Chunk, at the back of the crowd, catches a tall porcelain statue that topples from an end table.)
Chunk: Hey, I bet you guys thought I was going to drop it, huh? Ha ha. (Places the statue back on the end table). I knew you would think that from good old Chunk.
(The statue falls as Chunk finishes his sentence. He hadn't steadied it to ensure its stability.)
Mikey: Oh my God!
Brand: You idiot!
(Chunk picks it up, apparently in one piece.)
Chunk: Look, it's not broken. It's perfect. Ha ha.
(The statue is of a nude man. Mikey notices that the penis broke off.)
Mikey: Oh my God.
Mikey: That's my mom's most favorite piece.
Mikey: (Worried) Ooooh. (Positions the broken piece)
Chunk: Oh my God.
Mouth: (like Groucho Marx) You wouldn't be here if it wasn't.
Mikey: Shut up, Mouth.
Brand: Shut up, Mouth.
Data: (Changing the subject) Hey, any of you guys ever hear of Detroit?
Mouth: Soitenly. That's where Motown started. It's also got the highest murder rate in the country.
Data: Well let me tell you what. That's where we're moving when we lose our house tomorrow.
Mikey: You shut up about that stuff. It'll never happen. My dad'll fix it.
Brand: Yeah, sure he will. If he gets his next four hundred paychecks by tomorrow afternoon.
Mikey: That's wrong Brand. It won't happen!
(Mrs. Walsh arrives.)
Mikey: Oh...hi Mom!
Brand: Hi Mom.
Chunk: Hi, hi.
Mrs. Walsh: I see Data dropped by.
Data: Hi, Mrs. Walsh, how are you?
Mouth: Hi Mrs. Walsh.
Mrs. Walsh: (introduces Rosalita) Boys, this is Rosalita. Rosalita's going to help us with the packing just until my arm is better.
Mrs. Walsh: Uh, boys, Rosalita doesn't speak a word of English, and I know some of you have taken some Spanish in school...
Mouth: (interrupts) Well, Mrs. Walsh, I speak perfect Spanish. And if it's any help to you I'd be glad to communicate with Rosalita.
Mrs. Walsh: You're a lifesaver Clarke. Come with us, will you?
Mouth: (innocently) Why certainly, Mrs. Walsh.
(Mouth follows the two women out of the room, flashing a wicked grin to his friends.)
Mrs. Walsh: Mikey, no more potato chips. I've told you... (To Brand) Hello Mikey honey...
Brand: It's Brand, Ma.
(Mikey and Chunk have been hiding the broken statue with their bodies.)
Chunk: (His mouth full of food) Do you think your Mom's going to notice?
Chunk: (His mouth still full) Do you think your Mom's going to notice...notice that the dick and balls are missing?
Mikey: I wonder if she'll notice.
Chunk: That's what I said!
Mikey: Of course she'll notice. She notices everything.
(Mrs. Walsh is now showing Rosalita a chest of drawers and relaying the following instructions to Mouth for a trustworthy interpretation.)
Mrs. Walsh: Pants and shirts are in the second. Jus..just throw them all into cardboard boxes. Forget the suitcases. (To Mouth) Clarke, can you translate that?
Mouth: Why certainly, Mrs. Walsh.
Mrs. Walsh: (Whispering to herself, smiling and proud of Clarke) Oh, that's wonderful, simply wonderful.
Mouth: (To Rosalita) Translation: Marijuana goes in the top drawer. Cocaine and Speed in the second, the Heroin in the bottom. Always separate the drugs.
(Mouth walks away, managing to contain his laughter. Rosalita stares disbelievingly at the chest.)
(The others are trying to take advantage of Mikey's mom's business with Rosalita to repair the statue.)
Chunk: Look. How's that? How's that?
(Chunk glued the penis on up-side-down.)
Mikey: Oh you idiot. You glued it on up-side-down.
Brand: You dork. If God made us do it that way you'd all be pissing in your faces.
Chunk: Looks fine to me.
(Mrs. Walsh, Mouth, and Rosalita approach the half-open attic stairs.)
Mrs. Walsh: Now Rosalita, this is the attic. Mr. Walsh doesn't like anybody (tiptoeing to close the stairway with her free hand) up here, ever. (Sarcastically) I guess that's why it's always open.
Mouth: (translation) Never go up there. It's filled with Mr. Walsh's Sexual Torture Devices.
(Mouth walks on; Rosalita stares at the attic in shock. She jumps when Mouth touches her left shoulder. Mrs. Walsh leads them on to her supply closet.)
Mrs. Walsh: This is my supply closet. You'll find everything you need: brooms, dustpans, insect spray... (Emphasizing) I would really like the house clean when they tear it down. Clarke, can you translate?
Mouth: (translation) If you do a bad job you'll be locked in here with the cockroaches for two weeks without food or water.
Mrs. Walsh: Okay, Rosie? (Kindly, smiling) Okay? You're going to be very happy here. (To Mouth) Come on Clarke, we've got much more to do. You're so fluent in languages.
Rosalita: (to herself) (translation) I am in a crazy house.
(Mrs. Walsh is done instructing Rosalita and is coming downstairs with Mouth, praising him on his remarkable skills as an interpreter.)
Mrs. Walsh: You are so fluent in Spanish. That was so nice of you.
Mouth: "Nice" is my middle name, Mrs. Walsh.
Mrs. Walsh: (To all) Boys, I'm taking Rosalita to the supermarket. Now listen...
Data: Hi, Mrs. Walsh.
Mrs. Walsh: ...I'm going to be back in about an hour. Mikey, I want you kept inside. Brand, if he's coming down with asthma I don't want him out in the rain.
Brand: He should be put in a plastic bubble.
Mrs. Walsh: I'm serious Brandon. That's not funny. He takes one step outside and you are in deep, absolutely the deepest... (Stammers for a word)
Brand: "Shit", Ma.
Mrs. Walsh: I don't like that language, but that's exactly what you're going to be in. (To Data) And you, Dotta...
Mrs. Walsh: ...Data, use the back door from now on, okay?
Data: (disappointed) Alright.
Mrs. Walsh: (Points in the statue's direction) What is that?
Chunk: Ah shit. What?
Mrs. Walsh: What is that?! (Still pointing, but at the broken potato chips on the floor in front of the statue) That is a mess! I want it cleaned up boys.
Chunk: (Relieved) Oh yeah, sure.
Mouth: You got it.
Mrs. Walsh: One hour, kids, and I'll be back. Bye baby. (Kisses Mikey) Rosie?
Mouth: Bye, Mrs. Walsh.
Brand: Bye Mom.
Mouth: (Wickedly) Adios, Señorita!
(Mrs. Walsh and Rosilita leave)
Brand: (To Mikey) You want a breathing problem? (Pulls Mikey in the chair with him) You've got one.
Mouth: Hey guys...(To Mikey) what's your dad going to do with all that stuff that's in the attic?
Mikey: He's going to give it back to the museum, or whoever they pick to be the new assistant curly, or kerney...
Mikey: That's what I said.
Mouth: Hey, wait a minute guys. Maybe there's some stuff up there for us. Maybe there's some stuff that we can keep from the old-siders. Maybe there's some rich stuff.
Mikey: No, no, you guys.
Chunk: Food! Lots of food.
(Everybody's talking at once as they all run for the attic. Mikey is objecting.)
Mikey: That's my dad's responsibility, you guys. The museum's probably got a list of it somewhere. You guys listen to me, damn it. That's his stuff.
(They open the attic stairs and everybody climbs up.)
Brand: Hey, look at this. I didn't know Dad had all this stuff up here.
Chunk: Ah, great. Look at that. Neato.
Mouth: Love it. Isn't this great? I like this stuff!
Mikey: Hey, come on guys. This is my dad's place. He doesn't want you up here. You heard what my mom said to the housekeeper about not wanting anybody up here...
Mouth: (Placing his arm around Mikey's shoulders) Mikey, I cannot believe that you actually have something this cool in your house.
Mikey: You guys, my mom said...you guys, stop, put down the outfit, okay?
Chunk: Hey Mikey, this is great. We only have old Hanukkah decorations in our attic.
Mikey: I don't care what you have in your attic.
(Thunder outside. It's quite loud in the attic.)
Mikey: (Takes a puff on his aspirator) Okay guys, you saw it. Now let's get out of here, okay?
Data: Come on, Mikey, let's stay a little.
Brand: Scared, Mikey?
Chunk: (Pretending to be a pirate and brandishing a sword) I gotcha right were I want ya.
Mikey: Ouch. Come on guys, it's dusty in here, my hayfever's acting up, and you always break something.
(Mouth has found a sensuous painting of a woman. He poked a hole through the canvas where her mouth is and is now behind the canvas talking through the hole.)
Mouth: (In a silly, falsetto voice) Meekey, come here and make me feel like a woman. Come on, give me a nice, wet lickery kiss.
(Mouth now sticks his tongue through the hole and wiggles it.)
Brand: (In background, to Data) Yeah, what is it? Data, look at this.
Data: That's neat.
(Mikey snatches the painting away from Mouth.)
Mikey: Gotcha! Now get out from behind there. You're ruining the painting...
Mouth: You're ruining my joke! The painting's already trash.
Mikey: Man, you're messing this up.
Mouth: Who cares?
Mikey: I told you not to touch it. Get off it, alright?
(Brand, uninvolved, is fascinated by an old book about pirates.)
Chunk: Hey, Mikey? Mikey?
Chunk: What is all this neat stuff?
Mikey: The museum did some kind of... They did a show. It was a retropakum, and it was a...
Mikey: That's what I said. You always contradict me. I was right. I knew what...it was about the history of Astoria, and, these are the rejects.
Chunk: Kind of like us, Mike, the Goonies.
(In the background, Data and Brand are looking at an old lightening ball.)
Brand: How did you turn that on?...Turn it off...
Mikey: (To Chunk) Yeah.
Mouth: I'm not a reject.
Mikey: Take that stuff off. You're going to get me in trouble.
(Data is still fascinated with the lightening ball.)
Data: (To Brand) You know, you know how this works? Watch, if you put one finger there...
Chunk: Neat. Laser beams! (Makes blaster sounds)
Mikey: Mouth, when you drop something, put it back up.
(Mikey finds a dusty old picture frame on the floor facing the wall.)
Mikey: What's this? (Pulls out the picture) Hey, wait a sec. (He wants to see what's behind the dusty glass, but he needs to make it look like an accident.) Chunk...
Chunk: I didn't touch it.
Mikey: I know you didn't touch it. Get over here. (Chunk comes over)
Data: Don't touch it, Chunk.
(Chunk squats beside Mikey. Mikey reflects for a moment, holding the frame, knowing that once he hands it over to Chunk its fate is inevitable.)
Mikey: Uh, hold this. (Hands the frame to Chunk)
Chunk: (Takes it) Why me, Mike? Mike, Mike, thanks for taking us up here...there's a real big ball, you know...
Mikey: (To himself, anticipating the shatter) Five...four...three...two...one.
Chunk: ...and it's got this big thing...
(Right on schedule Chunk clumsily drops the frame and the glass shatters. Mikey immediately empties off the broken glass and pulls out the map, revealing a doubloon behind it.)
Mikey: What are you doing?
Chunk: Hey, Mike found a map.
Brand: Is that a map?
Chunk: (Pointing at the map) Look, look, look. That says 1632.
Brand: (Mumbling) I've seen this before.
Chunk: Is that a year or something?
Mouth: No, it's your top score on Pole Position.
Mikey: Yes, it's a year, Chunk. Look Data, it's a map of our coastline.
Brand: What's all that Spanish junk right there?
Mikey: Uh... (Looks around)
Mikey: Who speaks Spanish? Mouth, Mouth, you said you could translate. Translate, right here. (Points to some Spanish text)
Chunk: Yeah, translate it.
Mouth: (Translating) Ye intruders beware. Crushing death and grief, soaked with blood, of the trespassing thief.
Brand: You guys, this map is old news. Everybody and their Grandfather went looking for that, when our parents were our age. I mean, I mean, haven't you ever heard of that guy, what's his name, uh, the pirate guy, One-eyed Willy?
Mikey: (whispering) Oh yeah…One-eyed Willy... (Out loud) One-eyed Willy, yeah, he was the most famous pirate in his time. My dad told me all about him once.
Brand: Dad'll do anything to get you to go to sleep.
Mikey: No, see, One-eyed Willy stole a treasure once. It was full of rubies, and emeralds, and...
Mikey: ...diamonds. Then he loaded it all up on to his ship and they sailed away into the sunset. Until the British King, see, he found out about it and then he set up this whole armada to go out after him, then the armada, they...it took em a couple weeks, but then they caught up with Willy, and, and, then there was a whole, big war between the armada and Willy's ship, the Inferno, and during the firefight there was these guns bursting here and cannons bursting there, and then Willy fled, 'cause he didn't want to stay around, 'cause he knew he'd get killed if he stayed around. And then he got into this cave, and the British, they blew up the walls all around him, and he got caved in, and he's been there ever since.
Chunk: And ever?
Brand: You sound just as corny as Dad does.
Mikey: My Dad tells me the truth. You know what he said?
Mikey: He told me that One-eyed Willy and his bunch were down there for five, six years. And they were digging all these tunnels, and caves...setting boody traps...
Data: Booby traps.
Mikey: That's what I said. Setting booby traps, so that anybody who tried to get in there would die. And then do you know what he did? He killed all of his men.
Chunk: Why'd he kill all of them?
Mikey: Because he didn't want them to get to his treasure.
Chunk: Yeah, wait a minute, Mikey. But if he killed all his men, how did the map or the story get out?
Mikey: See, I asked my dad the same question. He said one of the guys must have gotten out with the map, and, and the...
Chunk: Hey Mike, I believe ya.
Mouth: Yeah, well I don't believe ya. I don't believe ya at all. I think you're full of it. I think...
Data: I believe him.
Mikey: Your dad told me...
(Chunk finds another frame, this one containing an old newspaper page.)
Brand: Chunk? What'd you break this time Chunk?
Chunk: Hey, you guys, look at this. Hey, you guys ever heard of this guy? Look, Chester Copperpot?
Data: (Reading) Chester Copperpot?
Chunk: Okay it says, "Chester Copperpot: Missing while in pursuit of local legend. Reclusive scavenger claims, 'I have the key to One-eyed Willy'."
Mikey: Whoa, do you guys realize what we could do?
Brand: Nobody ever found nothing, you guys. I mean, why do you think this map would be up here in this attic when it could be in some safety deposit box somewhere, right?
Mouth: That's right. And anyway, if Chester Copperpot didn't find it, how would we find it?
Mikey: But, what if? You guys, just what if this map could lead to One-eyed Willy's rich stuff?
Mikey: Then we wouldn't have to leave the Goondocks. Come on.
Data: I don't wanna leave.
Chunk: I don't wanna go on any more of your crazy Goonie adventures.
(Doorbell buzzer sounds in the attic.)
Chunk: Ding dong.
(Everybody heads for the stairs.)
Mikey: Guys, come on. Where are you going? You don't wanna do this? (Picks up the map, flips the doubloon and catches it) Sixteen thirty-two.
(Mr. Perkins, Troy's father, has arrived with some paperwork.)
Mouth: Senior Jerk alert.
Brand: Can I help you?
Perkins: Hello, little guys. I'm Mr. Perkins, Troy's father.
Data: We know who Troy is. He's such a cheap guy.
Brand: (Motions Data to stop talking) Shut up. (To Perkins) My Dad's not home, Mr. Perkins.
Perkins: Is your mommy here?
Brand: No sir, actually she's down at the market buying Pampers for all us kids.
Perkins: (Laughs slightly, with Bill) Papers, Bill. (Hands them to Brand) You can give these papers your father to, uh, read through, and sign.
(Brand steps down from the porch into the rain and collects the papers.)
Perkins: We'll be by to pick them up in the morning.
Brand: Thank you.
Perkins: Thank you.
(Brand returns to the others standing on the porch.)
Mikey: Brand, what is all that stuff?
Brand: It's Dad's business.
Mikey: But what is it?
Brand: (Annoyed) I told you, it was Dad's business.
(Brand, Mikey, and the others watch Perkins and Bill return to their car.)
Brand: Look at 'em smiling.
Data: They can't wait until tomorrow when they foreclose on all the...whatever you call it.
Mouth: Trash the Goondocks.
Brand: When they wreck our house I hope they make it a sand trap.
Mikey: And never get their balls out!
Chunk: (Going back into the house) You know, I think they made me lose my appetite.
(Everyone goes inside except for Mikey. Brand comes out of the side door and Mikey rushes to him. They hug.)
Brand: Mikey? Come on, before you catch a real cold. (Drags a limp and depressed Mikey back into the house)
Bill: (To Perkins) You seem to be pretty sure of yourself.
Perkins: The foreclosure is a definite.
(Chunk is rummaging through the refrigerator. He pulls out a can of whipped cream.)
Chunk: Oh God, am I depressed. (Tilts his head back and squirts whipped cream into his mouth)
Mikey: If I found One-eyed Willy's rich stuff I'd pay all my Dad's bills. Then maybe he could get to sleep at night, instead of sitting up trying to figure out a way for all of us to stay here.
Data: Yeah, me too.
Mouth: Me three.
Chunk: Me four.
Brand: Forget about any adventures, limp-lungs. I let you out and Mom'll ground my ass and I've got a date with Andi on Friday, alright?
Mouth: You're dreaming dude. There's no way, 'cause that means her mom's gotta drive. Then you gotta make it with her and her mom.
Brand: Shut up, Mouth.
Mikey: Shut up, Mouth.
Mouth: Shut up, Data.
(Mouth is sitting on the counter with his butt hanging over the edge of the sink. Brand turns on the faucet, soaking Mouth's pants.)
Mikey: Guys, what are we going to do about that Country Club? It's killing our parents. If we don't do something now there's going to be a golf course right where we're standing.
(More thunder outside, but the storm is almost over.)
(The Living Room)
(Brand is in his chair, stretching his chest exerciser. Mikey, Mouth, Chunk, and Data are playing marbles in front of the TV. A music video of Cyndi Lauper, singing the Goonies' theme song, is playing. The boys all have a little huddle, agree on something and then all walk towards Brand.)
Data: Hey Brand, how far can you stretch that?
Brand: It's not that hard. (Stretches it the full reach of his arms)
(Chunk pins Brand by jumping on his lap.)
Data: Go guys.
Brand: Get off me, Chunk. Get off. Get off me.
Chunk: I got you. I got you.
(Mikey, Mouth, and Data pull his arms behind the chair and entangle the springs. Brand is helpless and trapped.)
(The four Goonies race out the door. Mouth deflates the tires on Brand's new bike.)
Mikey: What are you doing? It took him 376 lawnmower jobs to pay for that. It's his most favorite thing in the world.
Mouth: Now it's his most flattest thing in the world. Let's go!
Brand: (Still trapped in the chair, struggling, and yelling at Mikey) I'm going to hit you so hard when you wake up your clothes are going to be out of style. Hey! Mikey!
(The boys ride off.)
(Mrs. Walsh returns home with Rosalita. Brand's chair has now toppled over backwards and Brand is lying on his back.)
Brand: Oh, Ma. Mom, you gotta let me out of here. Ma. Mom...
(Rosalita enters and drops a bag of groceries.)
Mrs. Walsh: Can't you learn how to exercise like a normal kid?
Brand: But Ma...
Mrs. Walsh: Look at you. You're hyper-ventrilocating here. Where's your brother?
Brand: (Desperate, she never helped him) Mom! God, what's wrong with you people? Rosalita, come here. Wait, you gotta let me outta here. Rosalita?
(Rosalita laughs, and says something to him in Spanish. She isn't able to help because she is trying to the spilled groceries into the house.)
Brand: Rosalita, wait. Come here. Come here. Come here. You gotta let me outta here. Rosa...wait... (She leaves the room.)
(Brand has finally freed himself. He dashes out of the house to find Mikey. His mom calls out after him.)
Mrs. Walsh: Brandon, don't you come home without your brother, or I'll commit hare...Hare Krishna!
Brand: That's "Hara-Kari," Ma.
Mrs. Walsh: That's exactly what I said.
Brand: (Starting on his bike and discovering the flat tires) What? My new tires! They popped my new tires, (Dashes his bike to the ground in anger) those son-of-a...I'm gonna...(He sees Data's little sister riding around on her tiny bike. He goes over and lifts her off if it.) Sorry.
Little Sister: (Screams as she is lifted off her bike) My bike! My bike!
Brand: (Gets on her tiny bike and starts riding) I owe you one.
Little Sister: (Stamps her feet) I want my bike. I want my bike.
(Mr. Walsh is working at the museum. He's trying to hang up the flag for the day as the boys ride by on their bikes.)
Data: Hi Mr. Walsh.
Mr. Walsh: Uh huh.
Mouth: Hi Mr. Walsh.
Mr. Walsh: Hi Mikey.
Mikey: Hi Dad.
Chunk: (Trailing) Hey guys, wait for me.
(The four boys have been out hunting for the three rock pattern described on the map.)
Mikey: That's where we're going. Right around this next curve is Gold Rock Beach. Three rocks, I know it. I've got a feeling about this one.
Data: You always have a feeling, Mikey. Every time you have a feeling you get us in trouble.
Mikey: Get us in trouble? You're the one who always gets us in trouble, Double-oh Negative.
Data: I'm James Bond - 007, not Double-oh Negative.
Chunk: You guys, I'm hungry. I know when my stomach growls there's trouble.
Others: Shut up, Chunk!
Chunk: (laboriously climbing a hill on his bike) Hey, you make me go up this big hill, and you said, you said you'd give me a Twinkie. Now I'm gonna be late for dinner and my mom's gonna yell at me. And she's not gonna let me eat my dinner and she's gonna punish me. Ah, you guys, ah. Anybody got a candy bar? Baby Ruth?
(Brand, in his grey sweatshirt, hood up, and bandana, is riding the little pink bicycle. Along comes Troy, driving his red Mustang. Andi is in the passenger's seat and Stef is in the back. Troy grins as he adjusts the rear view mirror to peek at Andi's mini-skirt. She is offended by his actions.)
Andi: Troy! You touch that mirror again and I swear to God I'm going to smack you in the face.
(Stef laughs at Andi’s reaction and Troy snickers.)
Stef: Hey, there's Brand.
Troy: Oh, like the bike.
Andi: What is he doing? (Troy honks at Brand)
Stef: (Laughing) No wonder he can't get a license.
Brand: (Looks back, sees Troy, and mutters to himself) Oh, no.
Andi: Brand, can we give you a ride somewhere?
Troy: (Surprised, turns to Andi) Huh?
Brand: (Out of breath) No. Thanks anyway, though.
Troy: (Trying to further belittle him) Yeah Walsh, (Grabs his right hand, holding his wrist firmly against the car door) let us give you a little ride.
Troy: Hold on. Here we go.
(Troy starts driving quite fast with Brand in tow.)
Brand: Hey! Let go of my hand! Troy!
(Andi and Stef are fighting with Troy to stop. Troy holds fast to Brand's wrist and Brand has all he can do to keep control of the bike.)
Stef: Troy, you're gonna kill him!
Brand: Oh, no! Oh, no! (As Troy goes even faster the training wheels break off the bike. Sees a turn in the road and the approaching woods) Oh my God!
(Troy follows the right hand bend in the road at about 45 MPH and releases Brand's hand at that moment.)
Troy: So long, sucker!
(Brand cannot stop in time. He goes off the road and flies over an embankment into the woods.)
Mikey and the others are carrying their bikes, struggling up a steep hill by the sea.
Mouth: Forget it.
Chunk: Come on. This better be it, Mikey.
Mikey: Shut up, Chunk.
(Mikey pulls out the doubloon and verifies another critical alignment.)
Mikey: Guys...I think I have a match. I'm sure of it! The lighthouse, the rock, and the restaurant all fit the doubloon. That must mean that the rich stuff is near the restaurant. So, (pulls the map out of his shirt), wait a second, Mouth, I'm going to need you to translate the map because I don't understand Spanish. (Pointing) Right here.
Mouth: (Looking at the map) Alright, alright, alright. (Reading) (spanish)
Mikey: What does that mean?
Mouth: Ten times ten.
Mikey: Uh, hundred.
Mouth: (translating) ...stretching feet to nearest northern point.
Mikey: North. What's north? Which way is north?
Mouth: (translating) That's where you'll find the treat.
Mikey: The treat...the rich stuff! The treat! The rich stuff. That's it!
Data: (Checks his compass and points) North is that way.
Mikey: So, it's near the restaurant.
(Mikey and Data start counting paces toward the restaurant. After sixty paces they huddle behind some rocks out of sight. They notice two people in trench coats who are walking inside.)
Mouth: Wait a minute, guys. There's somebody there.
Mikey: Sixty and another forty is an even one hundred, right to the old restaurant. The rich stuff has gotta be there.
Chunk: (Nervous and shaking his head) I don't know about it Mikey. Hey, it's gettin' late, and hey, that's a summer place. What's it doing open in the fall?
Data: See, there's nothing to be scared of. See, there's already two customers who went inside the restaurant.
Chunk: Yeah, yeah, but what if they're not customers? What if they're drug dealers?
Data: Drug dealers? (Hits Chunk) Did you see their clothes? Drug dealers wouldn't be caught dead in those polyester rags.
(The Goonies continue pacing toward the restaurant. Two gunshots are heard from inside the restaurant.)
Chunk: (Running over and out of breath) Mikey, Mikey, Mikey. That sounded like gunshots. Not the big ones that you hear in war movies, but gunshots, real ones. They're trying to kill us!
Mikey: Geez Chunk. Turn off your brain, alright? Someone probably dropped a pot.
Mouth: Yeah, just dropped a pot.
Chunk: Ah, ah, are you sure, Mikey? Because if you're sure I'm sure, you know. They might pick up the pots, and they might try to kill us. They're gonna kill us! In fact...
(The others run towards the restaurant. Chunk continues whining. Mikey runs over to silence him.)
Mikey: (Whispering tensely) Chunk...shut up!
(Chunk finds a soda cooler outside in the front of the restaurant.)
Chunk: Soda pop! Oh boy, am I thirsty. (Opens the cooler but finds it empty) Damn it! (Slams the lid)
Mouth: (Peering through the window) What's that?
Mama F: (To Jake and Francis) Come on. Hurry up, hurry up...Francis...
(Jake is dragging the body of one of the FBI men into the kitchen. The boys look in through the dirty windows. They can see movement, but they can't tell exactly what it is.)
Mikey: (Takes a puff on his aspirator)
Data: Looks like the cook is carrying something to the kitchen, or something.
Mikey: Yeah, food. Looks like food or some kind of trash.
Data: Don't let them see us, guys.
(Chunk wanders around to the side and see the ORV parked in a garage. He sees bullet holes in the back and then realizes with fright that he has seen this vehicle before.)
Chunk: ORV...bullet holes...bullet holes!
(Chunk runs, panicking back to the doorway to warn the others, but they've opened the door and gone inside. The restaurant looks trashed. It needs a serious make-over.)
Mikey: Shut up, Chunk!
Mouth: This place is a summer restaurant? Looks like it hasn't been open for ten summers.
(Mama F. walks up behind them)
Mama F: How long you boys been at that window? (Boys, startled, turn around to face her)
Mouth: Long enough to see you need about four hundred roach motels in this place.
(Jake comes out of the kitchen)
Jake: How the hell am I supposed to create with that Smithsonian piece of shi..? (Notices the boys and comes over to talk to his mother in Italian)
Mama F: (Blocking the doorway) Jake, these boys are customers.
Jake: (Italian. Maybe "Mama this isn't a restaurant.")
Mama F: (Italian. Probably "Shut up and do what I tell you to do, stupid.")
Jake: (Italian. Probably "Sorry mama.") Eh, boys, uh? You make yourselves comfortable, uh? (speaks to Mama in Italian, then addresses the boys in English) She's going to cook you something.
Mama F: (in an irritated voice) What do you want?
(They are startled. They jump around to face her, gasping.)
Data: A glass of water.
Chunk: Water, water.
Mama F: (To Jake) Four waters. (To the boys) Is that all?
Data: Yes, yes.
Mouth: (Acting like he's in a fine Italian restaurant) No! I want the Veal Scallopine...
(The other three wish that Mouth would shut up. They are jumping with anxiety, afraid to talk, and trying desperately to make him shut his big mouth by mime-zipping their mouths shut and turning the key.)
Mikey: (whisper) Mouth...shut up!
(Mouth ignores them and continues.)
Mouth: ...I want the Fettucini Alfredo...a bottle of Fettucini, a 1981. (Kisses his thumb and forefinger like a gourmet chef.)
(Mama Fratelli grabs him and holds him fast in a headlock, forcing his mouth open by pinching his cheeks.)
Mama F: The only thing we serve is tongue.
(She pops open a switchblade in her other hand and forces Mouth's tongue out of his mouth. The other three boys all cover their mouths in terror.)
Mama F: You boys like tongue? Ha ha ha ha, a ha ha ha. (Closes the switchblade and releases Mouth) That all? Sit down!
(In panic, they hurriedly yank out the chairs from the table and sit down as Mama Fratelli goes into the kitchen. Chunk falls over.)
Data: You alright, Chunk? Hey guys...
Chunk: (Trying to tell what he knows) I know...I know...
Data: What happened to the two guys in the polyester suits that came before us? What happened to them?
Chunk: I know.
Mikey: What, what is it? Spit it out.
Chunk: (You guys, if we don't get out of here soon, there's gonna be Some kind of (the other three "shhh" him to make him lower his voice)...(scared) hostage crisis. Out in the garage, O..ORV, four wheel drive, bullet holes the size of... (panicking) Matzah Balls!
Mouth: Chunk, I'm starting to O.D. on all your bullshit stories.
Mikey & Data: Shut up.
(Mama Fratelli returns with four glasses of pale pinkish liquid. It's water, but probably rusty from old pipes or sitting in a dirty tank for several years.)
Mama F: (Scowling) There's your water!
Data: Thank you, Sir, uh, Ma'am.
Mikey: Thank you, Sir...(She looks at Mikey, who recoils) Oh, I mean, Ma'am.
Mouth: (Holding his glass up to the light) This' supposed to be water?
Mama F: It's wet, ain't it? (Angry) Drink it!
(Mikey begins to act like he has to go to the bathroom to get away from her and check out the rest of the restaurant.)
Mikey: Miss, where's the men's room, please?
Mama F: Can't you hold it?
(Chunk doesn't think that's such a good idea, and tries to dissuade him.)
Chunk: Mikey, Mikey, this ain't the kind of place you wanna go to the bathroom in it.
Mama F: (Faces Chunk) Why not?
Chunk: (Nervously, he has to give her an answer) Because, they might have daddy long legs in 'em... (Sees Francis carrying the "trash" through the window. Moves in close to Mikey) ...or dead things Mikey! Dead things.
(Mouth is trying to coax Mikey's bladder by pouring the dirty water alternately between two glasses.)
Mouth: (In a deeper voice, while pouring) Eh, Mikey...got to go to the bathroom?
Chunk: Killer dead things...big...mean...
Mikey: Lady, please!
Mama F: (Impatient, so she gives in) Downstairs, first door on the right.
Mikey: Thank you. (Gets up and heads for the stairs)
Chunk: Mikey, come on...
Mama F: Stay to the right!
Mikey: Yes Ma'am.
Chunk: (Pleading) Please Mikey, dead things!
Mama F: (Shouts as Mikey reaches the stairs) Stay to the right!
Mikey: I know, "Stay to the right." Thank you.
(Mikey pulls out the map and unrolls it as he walks down the steps into the basement. He hits his head on a hanging light bulb as he reaches the bottom of the stairs. It's very dark and damp.)
Mikey: I know you're down here, One-eyed Willy. You gotta be down here. I can feel it, One-eyed Willy. I know you're down here. (He passes the washroom; it smells) Oh man, that stinks! (Hears a roar, like that of a lion) What the hell was that?
(Mikey looks around and sees a slightly open door. Jake is singing to a creature chained to the wall. The creature roars again and interrupts Jake's singing.)
Jake: (Hits the creature, Mikey winces at the cruelty) You're ruinin' it. You're ruinin' it. See the feast I made ya? (Points to a dinner plate on the floor) Look at the feast I made ya. You wanna eat it? (Throws a piece of food at the creature) Here, have some.
(Mikey glances at the dinner plate. Jake continues pelting food scraps at the poor creature's face. )
Jake: Come on. Go ahead, you'll get something. (Turns to leave the room) You don't leave me any choice.
(As Jake is leaving, Mikey flattens himself against the wall hoping Jake won't see him.)
Jake: (Now at the door, looking back) You don't leave me any choice! (Closes the door) You're just like Mom and Francis. You never let me finish anything.
(With the door closed Mikey is in plain site. But Jake is not really paying attention and doesn't see him.)
Creature: (through the door) Please!!!
Jake: (singing in Italian)
(A mousetrap snaps on Mikey's behind. Mikey grits his teeth, clenches his eyes, and manages to keep quiet. Jake doesn't notice him; he disappears upstairs. Mikey relaxes and pulls the mousetrap off his pants. The creature cries some more in frustration, yanking at its chains.)
Creature: Food! Ah! Ah! Hungry! Hungry! Food, please!
(Mikey opens the door slightly to take a better look. He notices that the dinner plate is out of the creature's reach. Mikey picks up a nearby broom and uses the long handle to push the plate into the creature's reach. The creature hears the sound of the plate on the floor and turns around. The creature is, in fact, a large man, but with a grossly distorted face. He growls at Mikey who then drops the broom and backs up. The man picks up the dinner plate, now within his reach. He laughs hideously, in triumph as he hoists it up to his mouth. Mikey runs out of the basement, terrified.)
(As he reaches the top of the stairs he is suddenly grabbed from behind, a hand clasped over his mouth. Mikey panics, trying to scream, but it is Brand, who has finally caught up with them.)
Brand: Mikey, why can't you stay at home. Let's get out of here right now. Let's get out of here.
(Brand hauls Mikey over to the door. The other three Goonies follow them out. Mama Fratelli chases them out.)
Mama F: Get out of here! And stay out! (Slams the door) (To herself) Kids suck.
(Outside the Restaurant)
(The group is hiding just outside the restaurant where they hid when they first arrived. Mikey is trying to describe what he saw in the basement)
Mikey: I swear on my life, they've got...an 'It', a giant 'It'.
Mikey: They got it chained to the wall.
Brand: Come on, Mikey.
Mikey: When it came into the light it was all gross and distorted, (tries to imitate the face), and the parts were mixed around.
(The others 'ooh' and 'aah' over Mikey's impression.)
Brand: Like your brain, right Lamo? Say goodbye to your little pals.
(Mama Fratelli comes out with Jake and Francis. They are carrying a large, bulky object in a black bag out to the ORV. Chunk sees them.)
Chunk: Hey look! Look at that.
Francis: Mom, why'd you have to shoot the guy?
Mama F: He's a fed.
Francis: We could have taken him to the side of the road, in the car, and 'bing', we shoot him, in the brain.
Mama F: (Sternly) Just put it in the car.
Jake: Bring him over here, Francis.
Francis: Don't give me, "Over here..."
Jake: Mama, give me over here...
Francis: I'm the one who's always gotta...
Jake: You gotta what?
(The Goonies are watch them, trying to figure out what they are doing.)
Data: You know, I'm wondering what is in the bag.
Mikey: Ah, restaurant trash. Yeah.
Data: You sure?
Data: That big? That much?
Mikey: I'm positive. Yeah.
Chunk: Look, there were bullet holes in the car, (gestures with this hand) this big. Mikey, Mikey, come on. Our parents are worried, it's dinnertime.
Chunk: Why don't we go home?
Mikey: Home? What home? In a couple more hours it ain't going to be home any more. Come on, guys, this is our time, our last chance to see if there really is any rich stuff.
Chunk: (reconsiders) We got to.
(The Fratellis start the ORV and drive off. Mikey huddles the others down behind the rocks out of sight.)
Mikey: Duck down guys. Get down. Get down. Duck down!
Chunk: See, there are bullet holes in the back of that thing!
Mouth is suddenly grabbed from behind and he jumps around. It's only Andi and Stef.
All: Ah shit!
Chunk: You scared me!
(Stef is now enjoying a good laugh at the boys' expense.)
Chunk: Almost gave me a heart attack.
Stef: Hey Mouth, you look better from behind.
Mouth: Hey, wanna see something really scary? (Shows Stef a pocket mirror) Look at that.
Data & Chunk: That is so scary.
Chunk: ...and ugly!
Andi: (talking to Brand) We followed you guys...
Brand: You did?
Andi: We were out driving with Troy... (notices a fresh scrape on Brand's face) Ooh, (she touches it) sorry about your face.
Brand: Oh, don't worry about it. (Brushing the scrape with his wrist) I was born with it. (Andi gives a little laugh.) Just kiddin'.
Andi: Anyway, he was being such a jerk, you know, tiltin' the mirror so he could look down my shirt? So I elbowed his lip. (Laughs)
Brand: (surprised) You elbowed his lip?
Andi: (Laughing more) Yeah.
Stef: (Laughing) Yeah.
(The other boys have gone back over to the front door of the restaurant. Mouth tries it but finds that it is locked.)
Mouth: (Disappointed) It's locked. (Turns around)
Chunk: Thank God!
Mouth: Hey, wait a minute, Chunk.
Mouth: You know I got some naked pictures of your mom, taking a bath. Wanna buy 'em?
Chunk: (Angry) What?!
Mouth: Real cheap!
Chunk: (Enraged) Aaah!
(Chunk charges at Mouth, but Mouth steps out of the way and Chunk rams into the door instead. His weight knocks the door open. He falls facedown as he stumbles into the room, the other walk over and around him as he lies on the floor.)
Mouth: Thanks, Chunk.
Data: Thanks, Chunk.
(Brand and the girls are still outside. Brand has to go into the restaurant to get Mikey.)
Brand: You wait here one second, okay? (He turns back to the restaurant; the girls follow part way) I'll be right back. I'm gonna go get my brother, alright?
Andi: You guys are gonna get in trouble.
Brand: Just don't leave, alright?
Stef: No way.
(As soon as Brand is out of site the girls start walking away talking among themselves.)
Andi: I'm not staying here.
Stef: I'm not staying.
(Mikey and the others are arguing about the map. Mikey is trying to take charge.)
Mikey: (Commanding) Shut up! We've got to get to the lowest point of the floor.
Brand: (Scaring the boys, making them jump) Lowest point nothing, Mikey! Let's go. Now!
(Outside in the dimming light, Stef steps onto a rake. It springs up, a foot from her face. Some rotten old rags and a dead fish are stuck to the end. The girls scream with horror.)
Stef: (Her hands spread out, screaming) Waaa!
Andi: (Also screaming) Aaah! My God!
(Andi and Stef face each other, screaming. They panic and bolt for the restaurant.)
Stef: (Still screaming) Oh my God!
Andi: (Still screaming too) Oh my God!
(Mikey is arguing with Brand.)
Mikey: (Firmly) No, Brand. (He turns)
(The girls race in, terrified and still screaming. Andi runs straight for Brand.)
Mikey: Turn on the lights.
Stef: (Looking around) Oh, my God.
(Mouth turns a switch, but it is dirty and out of use. A light bulb explodes.)
Andi: (Looking around and seeing the filthy restaurant for the first time) Oh my God.
Stef: It was disgusting, you should have seen it.
Andi: It jumped out from the bushes. It almost killed us, (Hand to her brow) I swear to God.
Mikey: Come on, Brand, please?
Mikey: What if we find something, huh? A couple more minutes isn't going to hurt.
Brand: Come on, Mikey. We're going right now!
Chunk: Listen to your big brother.
Andi: (While he is talking) Hey Brand, (takes his hand, he looks) give him a few minutes. (She smiles sweetly and pulls his hand up closer to her face. She looks up at him)...as long as you stay here, with me.
Mikey: Listen to her; she knows what she's talking about.
Mouth: Yeah, she does.
Data: Yeah, listen to her.
Goonies: Let's go!
(Mikey and the gang head for the basement stairs. Brand and the girls follow.)
(They all descend the stairs to the basement, Mikey is in the lead. An echoing grunt is heard from the creature.)
Goonies: (Frightened) Aaah!
Stef: Chunk, I hope that was your stomach.
Mikey: No. That's the "It".
Chunk: Sounds like Kong.
Mikey: Part of it's human. Wanna see it? (Another groan) Don't worry. It's chained to the wall. (they move toward the room the IT is in.) Shhh! (Another groan, and the rattling of chains)
Mouth: (Scared) I don't wanna go, Mikey. I don't wanna go. I just...
Mikey: Why not? It's chained to the wall.
Mouth: I know it's chained to the wall, right?
Mikey: Come on...you wanted to go, didn't ya.
Mouth: Yeah, I wanted to go. I wanted to go...
Mikey: So let's go. (Starts to open the door)
(Brand and the girls are at the back of the group.)
Andi: (To Brand) I don't want to see it.
(Mikey opens the door. The IT shouts and the Goonies all freak out and make a run for it. Andi and Brand, about to kiss, are driven back into another room. Brand stumbles backward over a couch; Andi lands on top of him. The others fall like dominos into the room. Andi and Brand try to pick up where they left off, but they are not alone.)
Chunk: Shame, shame.
Data: We know your name.
(The would-be couple, interrupted again, looks at them.)
Mouth: (Hoarse laugh) Come on, Brand, slip her the tongue!
Stef: That's disgusting. No, I can't even look. Oh...can't...oh...that's sick. That really is sick.
Chunk: Get me up, guys!
(They pull Chunk to his feet)
Chunk: Thanks, guys.
Mouth: You're welcome.
Mikey: Can't you smell it, guys? One-eyed Willy really is down here.
Data: That's great. You know, you guys? I'm gonna build one like this.
Mikey: Alright, we're walking right above here.
Chunk: (Finds a water cooler) Water!
(Chunk positions his face under the spigot and opens the valve, but he has mis-aligned his mouth. Water gushes into his eye. Andi and Stef talk quietly to each other. Andi has an idea about something.)
Andi: Okay, come on. We can do it. (Whacks Stef on the hip)
Stef: Ow! Wait a minute. No...
(Mikey is looking for the ideal spot to "dig" in the concrete floor.)
Mikey: ...back, and the stairs go up, and right about here must have been where we said we got to get to the lowest spot.
(While Chunk continues to drink from the water cooler, an obsessed Mikey, quickly grabs a large tool resting against the wall.)
Mouth: What are you doing talking to yourself again, Mikey? (Gets hit with the tool as Mikey passes) Ow!
Mouth: What the hell are you doing?
(Mikey swings at the solid floor.)
Mouth: Mikey, you're gonna lose your filling.
Brand: Mikey, what are you doing? (Grabs the tool) You little...
Brand: Give me that. There's nothing buried under there.
Mikey: There is something buried under there, Josh.
(A little goof on Sean's part. Brand is played by Josh Brolin. Sean accidentally let Brand's real name slip. No one caught it in the editing room.)
Brand: This is the twentieth century, Mikey. (Throws the tool aside)
Mikey: The map says there's something buried under there. There's gotta be.
Brand: Come on, get off it.
Mouth: Look it! I've got an idea. Why don't we just pour chocolate all over the floor, (grinning), and let Chunk eat his way through?
(Chunk stops drinking the water and faces Mouth.)
Chunk: Okay Mouth, (growing rage) that's all I can stand. (Raging) And I can't stand no more!
(With a sudden movement, Chunk bumps the water bottle. It is now wobbling on the stand, about to fall. Chunk tries to grab it.)
Chunk: I got it. I got it. I got it!
(The stand tips over, smashing the glass water bottle on the hard floor.)
Chunk: I don't got it.
Others: You klutz.
Chunk: (Smiling) Hope it's not a deposit bottle.
Stef: This is ridiculous. It's crazy. I feel like I'm babysitting, except I'm not getting paid.
Mikey: (Motions for silence) Wait. Listen to that.
(The spilled water is draining away somewhere.)
Brand: So what?
Mouth: Sounds like my grandfather taking a leak, Mikey. Grossout.
Mikey: No. No, it's deep. Like there's a hole, or a passageway. It's real deep.
Brand: (Coming over to take a look) Get out of the way.
(Andi is daydreaming about Brand.)
Andi: (To Stef) Brand is being so sweet to me.
Stef: Oh, come on. Come on! Where are you? You're in the clouds and we are in a basement!
(Brand's been looking around. He notices something about the fireplace. He prepares to pull away the grate for a closer look.)
Mikey: (Ecstatic) I told you! Ha ha! Told you. I told you. (Brand grabs the grate) One...two...three...
Brand: (Pulls away the grate and feels a slight updraft of air) You can feel the air. There's something down there.
Mikey: See I told you there was something.
Mouth: It might be a treasure or something.
(Data is toying with another machine across the room, and to his surprise, it begins working.)
Data: Hey, this is working, guys.
(Brand kicks out the rotted boards. They crumble into the start of a tunnel.)
Mikey: Brand, careful!
Mouth: Are you okay?
Mikey: I told you there was a passageway.
Mouth: It's the start of the tunnel.
(The machine that Data found begins to print out pages of fifty dollar bills. Thinking they're real, Data becomes ecstatic.)
Data: (Curious) Fifty dollar bills. (Puzzled) Fifty dollar bills. (Realizing) Fifty dollar bills. (Ecstatic) Fifty dollar bill!!
Andi & Stef: (Looking at each other in bewilderment) Did he say "Fifty dollar bills?"
Data: (Shouting with excitement) Fifty dollar bill!! Guys, there's hundreds of fifty dollar bill! We have the money to save the Goondocks!
(Everybody now crowds around this printing press, excited. Data passes a sheet out to everybody.)
Data: Billions of them.
Mouth: Hey guys, they're real.
Brand: Quiet! (Picks up one of the pages and realizes the truth)
Data: What? What? What?
Brand: They're fake. They're bogus.
Data: No it's not.
Brand: They're phony. (Crumples the worthless page) They're phony bills.
Data: No, it's not.
Mikey: I knew these people were from the ozone.
Andi: You get twenty-five years for counterfeiting.
Goonies: (Disappointed) Oooh!
(Stef notices a recent front page from the Astoria Ledger, she grabs it and reads it. The headline reads, "Fratellis at it Again" and has their three pictures beneath.)
Stef: You guys, I recognize these people.
Brand: Look at it. It's the Fratellis.
Data: That's the guy from upstairs.
Mikey: And the guy who tried to sing.
Chunk: See, you guys, you never listen to me. I said that there was going to be trouble, but you didn't listen to me. You guys are crazy. You know, you guys are self-destructive. There's a funny farm and it has your names written all over it, but I'm gettin' outta here. Tha... (Stops cold, change of voice) I smell ice cream.(Chunk walks to a nearby walk-in freezer and opens the door. Inside are several containers of ice cream.)Chunk: (Happily reading the labels) They got Swensons! Oh look, they got "Pralines 'n Cream," and they got "Mississippi Mud," (excited) and they got "Chocolate Eruption!" and they got, "Apple," oh, and they got, "Grape"... They got Grape, and Super-Duper Chocolate Eruption, and... (notices the others, mouths hanging open, staring at something else in the freezer) Wha? Wha? (Turns and notices the dead body. He fills with fear.) Aaaah!
(He backs out of the freezer trembling with terror. The others catch him as he practically stumbles out. The body falls towards them and they all catch it.)
Chunk: Aaah! Aaah! Aaah! Aaah! It's a stiff!
(They all drop the body to the ground. Their panic is cut short. The door opens upstairs and the Fratellis walk in, their footsteps causing the floorboards above to creak. They all huddle close together, keeping very quiet.)
Data: It's the door.
Mama F: Somebody's been here. The door's broken.
Francis: I thought I shut it. Who left the lights on?
Mama F: You did.
(Chunk smells the pizza that Jake and Francis brought back with them.)
Jake: Ma, he's eating my pepperoni.
Francis: You want your pepperoni? (Throws a piece of pizza at Jake) Huh? (Pulls out a gun)
Jake: (Pulls a gun on Francis) Come on. Come on. Let's kill each other over the pepperoni.
Mama F: (Angrily) Jake, put that gun away! I said, put that gun away now!
Jake: (Reholstering the gun) You always take his side, Mom. You always liked him better than me.
Mama F: (Smacks Jake) That's right!
(The Goonies quickly try and put the body back in the freezer.)
Mouth: Put it back.
Data: Close the door.
(They close the door but Chunk is trapped in the freezer with the body and none of them notice.)
Chunk: We can go back...Mikey...Mikey.
Brand: (Whispering) Mikey, come on.
Mikey: The fireplace, Brand. It's the only way out. You guys'll never get out that way.
Mikey: It all starts here.
(They all head over to the fireplace and start climbing down into the vertical shaft one at a time. Chunk is still in the freezer with the body.)
Brand: (Going down first) Watch your foot.
Chunk: (In the freezer) Guys! I'm stuck with the stiff! He's in here. (The body slumps over onto Chunk; he pushes it back to a standing position) (To dead man) Stay! Stay! (Through the window) Guys, come here. He's in here. (Body slumps over again, onto Chunk) Oh, shit!
Mikey: Come on, let's go. (Others are whispering) Go Andi, go.
Andi: Go? (She climbs in after Brand)
(The Fratellis are coming downstairs.)
Mama F: Alright Jake, forget it.
Jake: I'm sorry.
Chunk: (Trying to get their attention) Help! Help! Help! Guys!
(Mama Fratelli is downstairs but not yet in the room our gang is in. She calls back to Jake and Francis, who are coming down.)
Mama F: Come on, you idiots!
Jake, Francis: Okay, Mom.
Mikey: Make sure it's safe.
Mouth: (Climbing in) It's safe.
Mama F: Hurry up!
Chunk: (Still in the freezer, screaming) This is for real! I'm not kidding! Look in the window!
Goonies: Come on.
Brand: Where's Chunk?
Mikey: Chunk's up there.
(Brand climes back up and quickly covers the opening in the floor with the fireplace grate just as the Fratelli's walk in.)
Francis: I don't want him to touch that. I worked two hours on that.
Jake: You worked what...
Mama F: Shut up! (Walks in, notices the broken glass from the cooler) Somebody's been here. The cooler's broken.
Jake: Probably a tremor.
Mama F: Go check your brother.
Jake: Well, well, it could've been a tremor, Ma.
Mama F: I'll show you a tremor! (Smacks him)
Jake: Ooh! (Fake sobbing) I'm going to go check my brother.
Mama F: He better not have broken those chains again. I'm not going back to the zoo for another set.
Francis: Ma, just don't upset him.
Mama F: Hurry up!
(Chunk sneezes as Mama Fratelli walks by the freezer.)
Mama F: Gesundheit.
(When they are gone Chunk finally gets out of the freezer. Brand calls him over to the fireplace.)
Chunk: It's cold.
Brand: Chunk, over here.
Mikey: Get over here!
Chunk: What are you guys doing down there?
Brand: Go get the police.
Mikey: Chunk, we're in some serious shit here. You've gotta get the police. Look behind you.
(Chunk steps back. A broom falls over, knocking some other stuff over and revealing a window!)
Brand: Oh, the window. Go out the window.
(Chunk opens the window and starts climbing he makes it out just as the Fratelli's come back into the room.)
(Brand and Mikey climb back down the shaft to the others.)
Data: Did you see him, guys?
Mouth: Wait a minute. Where's Chunk?
Brand: He went to go to the police.
Mikey: The Fratellis are there. We gotta go. Come on, guys.
Brand: Let's go.
Mikey: He's going to get the police. Go. Move. Move.
(Back in the restaurant)
Francis: There's nothing the matter with him; nothing to worry about.
Mama F: Aaah. I knew he couldn't break them chains. Come on, get the body.
(The group has been making their way down the dark tunnel looking for a way out.)
Andi: We've been walking forever. How much further do you plan on going?
Stef: Ow! Mouth, you stepped on my foot. (A crunch is heard) I dropped my glasses; I can't see a thing. Oh my God.
Mikey: (Picks up Stef's damaged glasses and hands them to her) I found your glasses. Sorry.
Stef: You broke my glasses. You broke my glasses! Oh.
Brand: Listen, guys. Listen, guys. I'm the oldest, so I'm in charge. First, we'll...
Mikey: Do you have a light?
Brand: (To Mikey) I said I was in charge. (Turns Data to face him) Do you have a light?
Data: A light... (thinking) sure, guys! Back up. Back up. (Opens his coat and pulls a string) Bully Blinders! (Two small high-powered spotlights spring up from his hips)
Brand: Alright. Ow! (Shields his eyes)
(The others stumble around as they shield their eyes from the suddenly very bright lights.)
Data: You know, one day when I was walking home with this thing, and a couple big guys stopped me...
Mouth: Who is it? Oh, Stef...watch out, Data.
Brand: Watch out.
(Unintelligible talking here.)
Mikey: Data, come on. Turn it off. (The "Bully Blinders" fade out)
Data: (To himself, disappointed) Oh, Data. Only problem is batteries don't last so long, guys. Oh.
Mikey: Guys, there's a light up ahead. Maybe we can get out that way. Let's go.
(Chunk is running through the woods trying to get to the road to flag down a car.)
Chunk: I'm not afraid of the dark. I like the dark. I love the dark, but I hate nature. I hate nature.
(A car passes; he tries to stop it, but he is too far away.)
Chunk: Wait a sec! Hold on!
(Chunk sees another car coming. He steps out in the road and waves his arms.)
Chunk: Stop! Hold it! I'm just a kid!
(The car stops. Chunk runs over to the driver's side, out of breath, but bold and serious.)
Driver: What seems to be the problem?
Chunk: Look, mister, I need a ride. My friends and I just had a run-in with these really disgusting people; you might have heard of them: the Fratellis. Well, we found their hideout, and could you please, please take me to the sheriff station. I can describe all three of 'em.
(The driver turns on the interior lights. It turns out to be Jake Fratelli. Chunk, startled, takes a step back.)
Chunk: (Nervous) Bur...uh...ta...
Jake: (Singing in Italian)
(While Jake is singing, Francis grabs Chunk from behind, and drags him around to the back of the ORV. Jake remains in the driver's seat, singing softly.)
Chunk: Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Jake: (Singing in Italian)
(Francis shoves Chunk in the back of the ORV.)
Jake: (To Francis) What the hell are you doing? He's only a kid. Can't you handle a kid, even?
(Chunk discovers that he is next to the dead FBI man again.)
Chunk: (Fear returning) Aaaah!
(The gang has found a lantern and they are trying to light it.)
Mikey: A lantern. Hey you guys, it's a lantern! Does it work, guys?
Mouth: Don't worry about it.
(They are all surprised that it actually works!)
(They look around and are a bit surprised that they are surrounded by all types of pipes.)
Stef: I can't see anything. Mouth, your father's a plumber. What are these pipes all about?
(The others argue amongst themselves while Mouth examines the pipes.)
Mouth: These look like water pipes, guys. (Looking them over) Gas pipes...drainage... Maybe...wait a minute, guys! Shut up for a minute. Okay, lookit. These pipes must lead to a building or something, a foundation. So maybe if bang on 'em hard enough, (starts banging the pipes) if we make enough noise...
(All of them start yelling and banging on the pipes.)
(Astoria Country Club)
(A slightly overweight, balding old fellow exits a tennis court, greets a friend and leans over to a drinking fountain. But as he leans, the fountain lurches down, and further down toward the ground. He tries to lean down with it, but then it suddenly springs up, hitting him in the face and knocking him over.)
(Over in the men's shower, several old men are about to take showers. As one guy reaches for the faucet, it suddenly bursts back through the tiles. Another man is about to touch a pair of valves and they also burst back through the tiles, as well as all the other valves in the shower room!)
(Finally Troy, whistling a bit to himself, he walks into a toilet stall, drops his pants and takes a seat. He is browsing through a copy of "Guns 'n Ammo" magazine.)
(Everyone stops as the pipes start making a strange sound. They all look around. Mouth understands this telltale warning sign.)
Mouth: Reverse Pressure!
(Astoria Country Club)
(A high-powered jet of water geisers up from Troy's toilet, thrusting him up into the ceiling. He falls, crashing through the cubicle door and lands spread eagle on the bathroom floor, with water gushing all around him.)
(All of them realize that something is about to happen.)
Andi: Get outta...
Stef: Like, now!
(A water pipe breaks, shooting its high-pressure water against the dirt wall. Mouth tries to control the pipe as the others scramble to safety.)
Brand: Go! Go! Go!
(The dirt wall was very thin in this part. The blast of water erodes around a boulder, revealing an opening to a cave. The boulder tumbles into the cave.)
(The Lighthouse Lounge)
(The Fratelli's have brought Chunk back to the restaurant. Mama Fratelli is trying to terrorize him by demonstrating what will happen to his hand if he doesn't talk with a blender and a tomato.)
Mama F: First we start with the fleshy little fingers, then the plump little hand. (Chunk, frightened, starts to sob) Then the fleshy arm... Now, tell me where your other little friends are.
Chunk: (Sobbing) The fireplace.
Mama F: Don't lie to me!
Chunk: Honestly. We went over to Mikey's dad's place, and we found a map that said that underneath this place there's buried treasure.
Jake: Come on, don't give us none of your bullshit stories, huh.
Francis: Hey kid. I want you to spill your guts. Tell us everything.
Chunk: Everything. Okay, I'll talk. In third grade I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade I stole my Uncle Max's toupe and I glued it on my face when I played Moses in my Hebrew school play. In fifth grade I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog...
Stef: I can't see a thing. What am I stepping on? Oh brother.
(Mikey stumbles upon a lantern and they light is so they can see around better.)
Mikey: A lantern! Look, you guys, a lantern! Somebody must have been here before us.
Data: Maybe they're still here.
Stef: God, I hope not.
Mouth: Look at these cigarettes.
(Andi is freaking out at this point. She is almost to hysterics.)
Andi: (To herself) Ten minutes ago...
Mouth: Come on, Andi.
Andi: (continuing) Troy was looking down my shirt. (Gasps) Who cares? There's nothing wrong with that, is there? If I wasn't so stupid he'd still be looking down my shirt.
(The others realize very quickly that she is not acting normally.)
Brand: You guys, listen to her.
Data: What's the matter with her?
(Andi walks on ahead of the group. Brand tries to comfort her.)
Brand: Andi...it's okay.
Data: Is she alright?
Brand: It's okay. Andi? Andi?
Stef: Oh, I stubbed my toe.
(Andi is not paying any attention to any of them. She continues on her tangent.)
Data: Hey Andi!
Brand: (Touching her left arm) Andi!
Andi: I should have let him look at my body. Don't I have a beautiful body? (To Brand, gesturing to herself) Don't I have a beautiful body?
Brand: You've got a great, a great body.
Andi: (reassured) I have a beautiful body. How many more years do I have, before I, get old and fat; before, my hair falls out...(points at the ground ahead of her) ...before I look like him.
(The skeletal remains of a body lie half buried in the dirt with bugs crawling over the skull and out of the eye sockets. They all shriek with fright at the gruesome find. Andi screams much louder than the rest. She turns to Brand, starting to cry.)
(The Lighthouse Lounge)
(Back at the restaurant Chunk is still giving his confession.)
Chunk: Then my mom sent me to...to a summer camp for fat kids. And that was third lunch I got nuts and I pigged out, and they kicked me out.
(In the tunnel Brand, Mikey, Data, and Mouth are examining the skeleton. Andi is sobbing into Stef's shoulder.)
Brand: Look at him.
Data: Don't touch it guys. You guys, now...
Mikey: This is one of your tricks, isn't it One-eyed Willy? (Takes a puff) You wouldn't have gone through all this trouble if you weren't really hiding something, would you?
(Andi has buried her face in Stef's shoulder and is completely hysterical. Stef is trying to calm her down.)
Stef: I know. I know. So did I. It's okay. It's okay. There's nothing to worry about.
Andi: You don't know. You don't understand.
(The guys continue their examination of the body.)
Data: He's dead for sure. I think he's the Chester Copperpot.
Mouth: Chester who?
Data: Don't you guys remember? From the attic...the Don't you guys remember? From the attic...the news article.
Mikey: (Remembering) Oh, the news article, right.
Data: See, they said the last guy who went looking for the rich stuff...they say he went in, but he never came back out. See, that was back in nineteen thirty-five. Oh God, if he didn't make it out, and he was supposed to be an expert, what about us guys? How are we going to get out of here, huh?
(Andi has calmed down now, and is listening to Stef's words of reassurance.)
Stef: Don't worry about it. Just calm down.
Andi: You sure?
Stef: I'm positive.
Andi: You sure?
Andi: How are we going to get out?
Mikey: We can't be sure it's Chester Copperpot.
Data: I know it's him. I know, I read the article.
Brand: I bet his ID's in his wallet. Mouth, get his wallet.
Mikey: (Picking up an old sports card he found with the body) Lou Gerrig?
Mouth: (Too afraid to go near the body) You get it, Mikey.
Brand: Mouth, come on.
Data: Mikey, get it.
Brand: Get his wallet.
(Mikey retrieves the wallet and reads the ID inside. He shows the proof that nobody wanted to see.)
Mikey: It is Chester Copperpot.
Brand: Oh God. Oh.
Data: See? I told you.
Mouth: We're gonna get killed, too.
(Among Chester's things Mikey finds some candles.)
Mikey: Hey, look at this. Candles, a whole bunch of 'em.
Data: Great! Let me have it. I'll put it in my pack.
(As Mikey hands the candles to Data we see that one of them is labeled 'Dynamite'.)
Mouth: Oh. He's dead.
Data: He's dead? (Gets up to leave)
Mouth: Data, where are you going?
Data: I'm setting boody traps.
Mikey: Booby traps.
Data: That's what I said. See, I'm setting booby traps in case of anybody's following us, like the Fratellis, so we can hear them coming. (Zips shut his knapsack)
Brand: Okay, hurry up.
Mikey: Good idea.
Stef: Hey Data, where are you going?
Data: I'm setting boody traps.
Stef: You mean booby traps.
Data: That what I said, booby traps! Be quiet. Shh. God, these guys.
(Andi returns her face to Stef's shoulder; Stef holds Andi, comforting her. Mouth, meanwhile, has found another artifact with Chester's things.)
Mouth: Guys. Guys, look at this. Look at this.
Mikey: Yeah, give me that.
Mouth: It looks like a skeleton of One-eyed Willy or something.
Mikey: Give me that. Give me this thing. (Mouth hands it to him)
(This artifact resembles a large key with a skull on the top. Triangular holes appear representing the eyes and nose. As Mikey pulls it out to take a closer look a cord tied to it and around the neck of the skeleton causes Chester's head to dismember. It rolls over, startling everybody.)
Mikey: Oh, man!
Mouth: (frightened and gasping) Don't touch that. Don't touch that.
(Brand respectfully repositions the skull to its proper orientation.)
Mouth: Oh God. Oh my God, don't, don't, don't...
Mikey: Hey guys, now that we've got... (He finds a wire that is mostly concealed by the sand on the tunnel floor. He pulls it up slowly out of the sand.) Look at this. You see what I found? (He pulls the wire a little to hard and sets off a chain reaction. Mikey drops the wire and freezes, afraid to make another move. A large scathe is swinging back and forth, its blade cutting a rope.) Guys, freeze. Don't move. Don't move. (Warning the girls and Data, who is further down the tunnel) You guys! Don't move back there! Don't move!
Mikey: Freeze. (Data looks up and notices several more huge boulders hanging precariously above from chains. They are rocking slightly. Data races back to the group.) Guys! Guys!
Stef: Let's go!
Mikey: Run you guys! RUN!
(The group runs for cover. Data accidentally trips and looks above him to see another boulder rocking even more.)
Data: Holy S-H-I-T!
(The first of the boulders crashes to the ground. Data races to safety with another boulder falling behind him. They all jump over a small ledge for cover as several of these huge boulders fall in sequence. Mikey darts out quickly to rescue the lantern.)
Mikey: The lantern!
Brand: Mikey come back!
(Mikey grabs the lantern and makes it back just as the last boulder crashes to the ground.)
Brand: That was close.
Data: That was close.
(Brand notices a rock covering a small cave entrance behind them. He hears some sounds from behind the rock.)
Brand: Wait, wait, wait, listen. Sounds like somebody's down there. (Moves in to listen more closely) Shut up and listen.
Andi: Maybe it's a way out.
Stef: Maybe it's the Fratellis.
Data: Maybe Chunk found the police.
Mouth: Maybe it's another one of Willy's booby traps.
(The rock isn't very heavy and Brand rolls it aside.)
Stef: Brand, God put that rock there for a purpose, and, um, and I'm not so sure you should, um, move it…er …thing.
(A faint squeaking can be heard from inside the cave. Brand calls out.)
(A huge group of bats fly out of the cave and head right for the Goonies. Everyone is waving their hands over their faces to keep the bats away.)
Data: Guys! Guys! Back, back, back.
Brand: Get 'em off me.
Mikey: Brand. Andi. They're in my hair.
Stef: Rabies! Rabies! We're gonna get rabies!
Mouth: (Trying to command the bats) Sit! Sit!
(The bat swarm flies over the fallen boulders as still more bats pour from the cave.)
(The Lighthouse Lounge)
Chunk: But the worst thing I ever done, I mixed up all this fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theatre, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony, and then, then I made a noise like this. (Acts like he is throwing up) Huagh. Huagh. Huagh. Huaaah! And, and then I dumped it over the side on all the people in the audience. Then, th-then then this was horrible, all the people started getting sick, and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
Jake: (Smiles a bit at Chunk's twisted sense of humour) Ma, I'm beginning to like this kid.
Mama F: (Tired of this) Hit puree!
(One of them starts up the blender as they try to force Chunk's hand into it.)
Chunk: No! I'm too young. No! I wanna play the violin. No, not my hand.
Mama F: Now, do I get the truth...
Mama F: Do I get the truth? Or do you get juice?
(The loss of Chunk's hand is cut short as the flock of bats bursts through the fireplace.)
Mama F: What was that noise?
Francis: The fireplace blew. The kid's not kidding, Ma, there's a tunnel down there.
(Jake makes a sign of the cross with his fingers and tries to shoo the bats away.)
Francis: (He takes of his toupee and tries to protect it. ) Watch your hair! Watch your hair! They go for the hair!
Jake: Watch your face, Mom.
Chunk: (Shouting towards the fireplace) Hey Mikey, if you can hear me, run! Run! They're comin' after ya.
Data: Hey, you guys, if we keep going this far down we'll reach China.
Stef: My feet are killing me. I can't see a thing.
Data: Maybe I can visit my Auntie or something…
Mikey: Uh, this could get dangerous, Andi. You might want to hold my hand.
Andi: (Takes his hand) Thank you.
(As they round the bend a shaft of light illuminates an underground waterfall and pond.)
Mikey: (In unison with Data) Oh, wow!
Data: Oh, neat! That's neat.
Mikey: You guys, look! It's a beautiful waterfall.
(They wade through the shallow pond and discover that it is full of coins.)
Data: Wow! It's a giant piggy bank.
Andi: We're rich! I don't believe it.
Mikey: You guys, we found it. We found the gold!
Brand: Gold and silver! It's shining all over the place.
Mouth: Gold! Guys, we did it!
Data: Brand, hold the lantern for me.
Mouth: Rich stuff!
Data: Hey, Mouth, what year was that map made?
Mouth: (inspecting a coin) Oh, I don't know. Probably a couple hundred years before...
Data: Oh, wow!
Mouth: ...uh, President Lincoln, (inspects another coin), George Washington, (and another), uh, Martin Sheen...
Stef & Andi: (surprised) Martin Sheen?
(Stef grabs the coin from Mouth)
Stef: That's President Kennedy, you idiot!
Mouth: (defensively) Well, same difference! I mean, he played Kennedy once.
Stef: Oh, that's really smart. I'm glad you know you're using your brain.
Mouth: Yeah, well at least I have a brain!
Stef: So stupid, Mouth!
Mouth: Oh yeah?
Stef: Yes! Shut up! (To the others) Wait a minute, wait a minute. This isn't gold. This is a wishing well. Look. Look.
Brand: Hey, you guys, it must be the Old Mossgarden Wishing Well.
Andi: You know, I always used to believe that when you threw your money in, it turned into your wish.
Mikey: You take that coin, and I'll take two coins. I'll take all your coins and you won't get any.
Data: Hey, that's not fair.
Stef: Wait, wait, wait. Stop. Stop.
Stef: You can't do this.
Stef: Because, these are somebody else's wishes. They're somebody else's dreams.
Mouth: (holding up a coin) Yeah, but you know what? This one, this one right here, this was my dream, my wish, and it didn't come true. So I'm takin' it back. I'm takin' 'em all back. (Dives underwater)
Mikey: Come on, One-eyed Willy, what does this have to do with the map? Is this just another one of your tricks?
(The Lighthouse Lounge)
(The Fratellis have given up trying to interrogate Chunk. They are all sitting around eating ice cream. Chunk is looking on enviously.)
Jake: You know, maybe we should keep him alive, just in case, uh, he isn't lying.
Mama F: Good idea, Jake. Put him in with your brother.
Jake: Okay, Mom. (To Chunk) Come on, kid.
(Jake sets down his ice cream as he reaches to pull Chunk up from his chair. The doubloon falls from Chunk's pocket; Jake picks it up.)
Jake: You drop something?
Mama F: What's that?
(Francis reaches down and picks the up the doubloon. Jake, curious, leans over to look. Francis pulls up quickly, the doubloon in hand, and hits heads with Jake.)
Mama F: What's that? A Cracker-Jack prize?
Francis: (inspecting the doubloon) Holy shit!
Chunk: (trying to pull the doubloon out of Francis' hand) We found it on the map. It's got something to do with the buried treasure.
Jake: Buried treasure?
(He yanks Chunk unceremoniously out of the way-he thumps on the ground behind them.)
Francis: Jake, look at this. Look at the date. Look at the date on it.
(Jake takes the doubloon from Francis and rubs the surface.)
Jake: (Looking it over, bewildered) This is authentic. Ma, this is a doubloon.
Mama F: Give it to me. (Takes it) Aaagh.
Chunk: (Picks up Jake's ice cream and continues eating it) I told you so. See, you guys, you never believe me. But I said that there was going to be buried...
(Both the Fratellis' look down to him. Jake sees Chunk eating the ice cream and takes the container from him. Chunk puts the spoon in his mouth to get the remaining ice cream, and Jake pulls the spoon from his mouth. Chunk cries in disappointment.)
(The Wishing Well)
(After the plumbing disaster at the Country Club, Troy has cleaned himself up and driven out to the Old Mossgarden Well to meet a couple friends. Troy is leaning on the well tossing a coin.)
Troy's Friend #1: Hey Troy, how far you gone with Andi?
Troy's Friend #2: All the way, buddy? (They laugh)
Troy: You guys are so immature. Why don't you grow up?
Troy's Friend #2: Come on, tell us.
Troy's Friend #1: Really.
Troy: Alright, put it this way. I didn't make it with her yet...and I stress yet.
(Tosses the coin into the well.)
(In the Well)
(Troy's coin pings onto the rocks next to Brand. He looks up, surprised.)
Brand: Huh? What the hell?
Troy's Friend #1: What'd you wish for?
Troy: (Grinning) To make it with Andi.
(The coin flies back out of the well and lands in Troy's open hand. Troy is completely taken by surprise. After a moment's hesitation, he looks down into the well.)
Troy: Hey! Who's down there?
Stef: It's Troy.
Data: Hey guys, it's Troy!
Troy's Friends: That sounds like Andi. (They all laugh)
Troy: Andi... (laughing) Is that you?
Andi: Yes Troy, it's me. We're stuck down here. Please send down the bucket and the rope.
Troy: What the hell are you doing at the bottom of a well?
Andi: Don't ask these stupid questions, we're stuck, just send down the bucket. Come on.
Troy: Oh. (to his friends) See guys. Wishes do come true.
(They all laugh at the strange situation)
(The Lighthouse Lounge, Basement)
(The Fratellis have tied Chunk into a chair in the room with Jake's brother. He is watching an old black and white Errol Flynn pirate movie on a TV set in the room. Jake has brought him some food; Francis is talking to Chunk.)
Errol Flynn: (in movie) Alright Mahodies, follow me!
Jake: Don't worry. Here. We're leaving. I brought you some more food.
Francis: Is that too tight?
Chunk: Yes, it is.
Francis: If you let yourself out, I'll break your legs.
Jake: What are you doing? How many times I gotta tell you? You sit too close to the television set you're gonna screw up your enema, alright?
Francis: Jake! Leave him alone!
Jake: I had nothing on him.
Francis: Hare Krishna...Hare Krishna...Hare Krishna...
(Jake and Francis walk out, leaving Chunk alone with the "It".)
Chunk: Come on. Let me out.
(In the pirate movie, a man is seen sliding down a tall sail, slicing it with a knife to break his fall. Chunk turns his head to look at the strange man for the first time. He is frightened, but trying his best to make friendly conversation.)
Chunk: (Laughs a bit) H-H-Hi, s-sir. M-M-M-M-My name's Lawrence. Ha Ha...sometimes people call me "Chunk".
(The "It" turns his head to face Chunk and shouts at him. Chunk is horrified by his appearance. He sits there slack-jawed. The "It" shouts again. Afraid that the "It" will try to hurt him, Chunk tries to hobble away on his chair. Oddly enough, the strange man finds this funny and begins to laugh.)
Chunk: (shouting) Help, help! Let me out of here!
(The Fratellis are now gathered around the tunnel entrance by the fireplace with flashlights.)
Jake: You know, Ma, you never know what we're gonna find down here. Could be ghosts.
Mama F: Okay, let's get down there.
Francis: (Shining his light down) Whoa, look at this. Look how deep it is down there. Oh.
Jake: Look at that.
Mama F: Come on, Jake. You first.
Jake: I ain't gonna go first, Ma. Wha, you kiddin' me?
Mama F: (Pulls a gun and points it at Jake). Go!
Jake: Can't argue with that, Ma. Alright. (Slides in)
(The Wishing Well)
(Troy and his friends are finally lowering the bucket into the well.)
Data: Troy, throw some money down, okay?
Brand: I can see it. Hey Troy! (To the others) Come on!
Data: (Reaches for the rope, climbing around the bucket) Hey, you guys. I'm the smartest, so I'm gonna to go first, okay?
Brand: (Pulls him off) Get out of there. I'm the oldest, so I'll call the shots. Andi goes first. I go second. Stef and Mikey go third. Data, you go fourth. (Andi climbs onto the bucket, holding the rope)
Mikey (Whispering to himself) Chester Copperpot...Chester Copperpot... (Out loud, to the rest) Chester Copperpot! Don't you guys see? Don't you realize? He was a pro. He never made it this far. Look how far we've come. We've got a chance.
Andi: Chance at what, Mikey? Getting killed? Look, if we keep going someone's really gonna get hurt, maybe dead. Besides, we gotta get to the police.
Mikey: Maybe Chunk already got to the police.
Andi: Maybe Chunk is dead.
Mikey: Don't say that. Never say that. Goonies never say "die".
Andi: I'm not a Goonie. I wanna go home.
Mikey: I forgot. But still...don't you realize? The next time we see sky it'll be over another town. The next time you take a test, it'll be in some other school. Our parents, they want the bestest stuff for us. But right now they gotta do what's right for them, 'cause it's their time. Their time, up there. Down here it's our time. It's our time down here. That's all over the second we ride up "Troy's bucket".
(Mikey pauses. He gives a long hard look at everyone. They look at each other. Mikey takes a puff and continues.)
(Troy and his friends are pulling up the bucket and the rope. When it gets to the top we see that Andi has put Troy's sweater on the bucket.)
Troy: Andi! You Goonie!!
(The Lighthouse Lounge)
(A cooking show is on the TV, and Julia Child is demonstrating the frosting of a luscious chocolate cake. Sloth and Chunk are both hungry and they share a love for chocolate.)
Julia Child: Spread it around. Try to make your frosting look a little bit rugged.
Sloth: Chocolate? Ha ha. Chocolate.
Chunk: Want a candy bar?
Julia Child: What you do now...
Chunk: Look, I got a Baby Ruth. (Pulls it from his pocket) Sir?
Sloth: Huh, huh. Wha? Ahh? Ruth...Ruth…Ruth…Baby Ruth.
Chunk: I'm gonna throw it to you, okay?
(Chunk's arms are tied to the arms of the chair. With some difficulty he does the best he can to throw it to Sloth. But all the movement Chunk can muster is a flick of his wrist. The candy bar bounces off Sloth's forehead and lands on the floor just out of his reach. Sloth appears angry that this has happened and Chunk's eyes widen in fear, not knowing how Sloth will react.)
Sloth: (Frustrated) Ahh!
Chunk: Aaaaaagh! (Tries to hobble his chair over to pick it up for Sloth)
(Sloth tries desperately to reach for the candy bar, but the chains stop his hands short. He cannot reach it and grows more frustrated.)
Chunk: I'm sorry, sir. I tried to give it to you. Oh, I'm sorry.
Chunk: I'm really sorry.
Sloth: (Frustration increasing) Aaagh! (Starts pulling on his chains)
Chunk: What're you doing?
Sloth: (Tugging at chains) Uh!
Chunk: What're you doing?
Sloth: (Still tugging) Uh! Ah!
(Sloth focuses his strength on one chain and pulls with all his might. The chain's anchor bolt breaks away from the plaster wall. He tries for the candy bar and still can't reach it, so, wildly driven, obsessed, he concentrates his full weight into the other chain. With some effort it too breaks free. He finally picks up the candy bar in delightful victory. He delicately unfurls the wrapper.)
Sloth: (Satisfied) Hey? Ha.
Chunk: Geez, Mister, you're even hungrier than I am.
(Now past the water pipes and into the main tunnel system, the Fratellis have set off the firecracker "boody traps" that Data left behind.)
Francis: Booby traps!
Jake: Booby traps!
Mama F: Booby traps. It's only booby traps. Why you bein' such a sissy?
Jake: Friggin' kids.
(At the front of the fallen boulders they come across Chester Copperpot's remains. Jake picks up the empty wallet.)
Jake: Niente. Kids must have cleaned him out, Mama.
Mama F: Sure, right before they ate him.
Francis: Stupid. (His flashlight catches a small sneaker-print)
Mama F: Follow them size fives.
(The Lighthouse Lounge, Basement)
(Sloth has now completely freed himself from the chains. He stands, towering before Chunk, still tied in his chair.)
Sloth: (Boldly strikes his chest) Sloth.
Chunk: (Pointing to himself) Chunk.
Sloth: (Hits himself again) Sloth... (Hits Chunk in the chest) Chunk!
(The impact of his enormous hand caused Chunk to fall over backwards. Sloth finds this a bit funny, but Chunk is too stunned to say anything. Sloth rocks the chair back upright with a single hand. Chunk is nervous because he doesn't know what else is going to happen to him. But Sloth ever so gently peels back more of the candy bar wrapper and feeds it to Chunk. They enjoy the candy bar together. Then, Sloth suddenly becomes excited about his new-found friend. He shouts for joy and picks up the chair with Chunk in it. Chunk's response is must more fearful. But Sloth is happy; he plants a big kiss on Chunk. He laughs with delight, but Chunk is repelled by Sloth's offensive odor.)
Sloth: Ah! Ha ha ha!
Chunk: Man, you smell like Phys-Ed.
(Mossgarden Wishing Well)
Data: Mouth, hold this.
Mikey: Translate this.
Mouth: (Reading the map, translating) Copper bones, westward foams...
Mikey: (Whispering) Westward foams.
Mouth: (Continuing) ...triple stones.
Mikey: Triple stones. (Holding up the "key" retrieved from Chester's remains) This must be "Copper Bones".
(Brand is growing fatigued. Standing against the cave wall, between the two girls, he starts to doze off in Stef's direction. Andi's eyes widen and Stef gives him a strange look.)
Brand: Huh? Sorry.
(Brand realizes his mistake and turns around to snuggle in closer to Andi. She caresses his hair.)
(Mikey, Mouth, and Data have pulled some growth off part of the cave wall to expose an old wooden wheel with stone patterns in it.)
Mikey: Wow! Look at that.
Mikey: Triple stones!
Data: Triple stones?! We found it, Mikey. Maybe we can find a way out!
Mouth: (Quietly, almost to himself) Triple stones? What are you talking about?
Mikey: We got you now, One-eyed Willy. We're comin' up right behind ya.
(Brand is a little embarrassed by Mikey's enthusiasm.)
Brand: Why couldn't I have a little sister? Just a little sister, instead of that!
(Mikey and the others are trying to align the holes in the "Copper Bone" key with the stones on the wheel.)
Mikey: (Whispering, trying to make sense of the riddle) Westward foams...
(Data sees a pattern that might work as Mikey is trying to fit it in other stones.)
Data: No, that's too big. Try the middle one.
Mouth: You guys are crazy.
Data: How 'bout the middle?
(Mikey tries the key on the right set of stones and it fits perfectly.)
Data: It fits, Mikey! It fits!
Mikey: We got it!
Data: We got it. Wait. Wait. Which way do we turn?
Mikey: We got you now, One-eyed Willy.
Data: Which way do we turn?
Data: West; counter-clockwise.
Data: Try it, Mikey. Try it.
(Mikey turns the wheel.)
Data: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(The clicking of an efficient clockwork ratchet is heard as a pair of wooden stocks close on Mikey's wrist, locking his hand into the wall.)
Mikey: (Surprised) Aaagh!
(The mechanism continues to click internally, and a heavy cannon ball is released and is set rolling on an elevated track around the top of the room.)
Stef: What the hell is that?!
(The cannon ball passes over Andi, Stef, and Brand. Andi follows it with her eyes as it passes, then looks back in fright with a gasp.)
Mikey: Look out.
Mouth: Oh my God! It's gonna fall on us or something!
Mikey: It's another one of Willy's tricks. Get out of the way!
(The cannonball falls off the end of its track around the room. Landing in a net it yanks a rope causing the floor beneath Data's feet to collapse. Data disappears into the cave floor.)
Andi: (Leaping forward) Data!!!
(While falling, Data yanks on a cord on his sleeve. A pair of false teeth on a long spring leap out of his sleeve and catch on a rock. The spring is strong enough to stop him from landing on large pointed sticks that probably would have killed him. The others, horrified that he may be lost forever, crowd around the opening, looking for any sign of him.)
Mikey: Data, please!
Mouth: He's gone.
Andi: Oh, no...
Mouth: He's really truly gone.
Andi: Don't be dead.
(Data, meanwhile, dangles safely above some jagged stalagmites from the spring that is attached to his "Pinchers of Peril".)
Data: Pinchers of Peril! You guys, I've been saved by my Pinchers of Peril!
(The group hears his shouts and rejoices.)
Goonies: He's alive! He's alive!
(Data, the near tragedy averted, looks around his new location with interest.)
Data: Guys, I'm in another room!
(The Lighthouse Lounge, Basement)
(Chunk and Sloth have freed themselves and Chunk is on the phone talking to the Sheriff. Sloth is digging around in the freezer.)
Chunk: Hello, Sheriff? I'm at the old Lighthouse Lounge and I want to, and I want to report, ah...a murder.
Sheriff: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Just hold on here. Is that you again, Lawrence?
Chunk: Sheriff, look. This time I'm telling you the truth. I'm locked inside the Fratelli's basement with this guy...
(Sloth emerges from the freezer with a container of ice cream.)
Sloth: Rocky Road, heh heh.
Sheriff: Yeah, like the time you told me about the fifty Iranian terrorists who took over all the Sizzler Steak houses in the city?
(Sloth, however, is now interested in the tunnel under the fireplace. Chunk tries to stop him while staying on the phone.)
Chunk: Sloth, get back here. Sloth, what are you doing?
Sheriff: (continuing) Just like that last prank about all those little creatures that multiply when you throw water on 'em?
(While trying to stop Sloth, Chunk has stretched the phone cord over to the fireplace, but Sloth is already starting to climb in.)
Chunk: Sloth! Sloth! We're not going in the fireplace.
(Now Chunk's phone cord breaks from the wall and the Sheriff is cut off with a dial tone.)
Chunk: (Trying to explain) No Sloth, it's just your echo.
Sloth: Echo! (echoing) Whoa. (more echoing)
Chunk: No Sloth, I'll show you. Don't go down there. It's all dark down there, Sloth. It's your echo, Sloth. Echo.
(Tunnels, New Room)
Mikey: (To himself) I gotta go to the bathroom. (Announces to group) Pee break. Who's gotta go?
Brand: (Quietly) Me.
Mikey: Okay then, this is the little boy's room, and that tunnel's the little girl's room. Let's go.
Mikey: Brand, where are you going?
Brand: This is the men's room.
Mikey: Where are you guys going?
Data: Men's room, Mikey.
Mouth: Yeah, we're going to the men's room.
(Chunk and Sloth have just arrived at the point in the Tunnels where all of the water pipes are. The pipes are still moving up and down.)
Chunk: Yeah, Mikey's been through here all right.
(Sloth grabs one of the pipes that's moving, and shoves it all the way up to the ceiling. We can hear a car crash, a scream, and the sound of police sirens coming from above.)
Sloth: Uh oh.
Stef: Andi, this not the time of the place for this.
Andi: Believe me, I know what I'm doing. (loudly) Brand! Brand!
Brand: (to Mikey) Go see what she's ragging about, will ya?
(Mikey heads over to the 'Girl's Room to see what Andi wants. It's dark and he can't really see.)
Andi: Brand? Hurry, I'm in here. With my eyes closed!
(Mikey is still fumbling around. Andi comes up and grabs him and kisses him. Stef comes up with the lantern and sees what's going on. She quietly laughs and then goes away. Mikey starts to leave but is going the wrong direction.)
Stef: Hey loverboy, it's this way.
Mikey: Thanks. (leaves)
Stef: (to Andi) All right, you kissed now tell.
Andi: There's something weird.
Stef: What? What is it?
Andi: Does Brand wear braces? (Stef laughs) Why are you laughing? Stef, it was beautiful.
Stef: Next time you kiss him, do it with your eyes open. It's a whole different experience.
Andi: Ah, be careful around here, there's a whole I think. I think Brand was standing in it.
Francis: Hey Ma, after we dump the kids how do we get outta here. I ain't been leaving no trail of breadcrumbs, you know.
Mama Fratelli: The boys are right around here somewhere, I'm telling you. I can smell their bubblegum.
(Jake sees the rope that the Goonies used to get into the lower tunnels with.)
Jake: Ma, look! I'll give you three guesses who left this. (Francis trips on the rope) You all right?
(They shine their flashlights down to see what's below them.)
(Andi walks over to Brand and motions for him to follow her.)
Brand: What are you, crazy? They're here!
Andi: (panicked) They're here? They're here! They're here! They're here!
(Brand covers her mouth before she can freak out any more.)
Jake: Quiet! Right down there.
Brand: You guys! This way, this way! Follow me! Don't fall behind. Come on!
(They run into the central tunnel, and as they run the lantern lights up all of the tunnels and it looks like a giant skull.)
(The Fratelli's make it into the lower tunnel)
Jake: Watch your step, Ma.
Mama F.: Watch your own!
(The Goonies come to a little mini waterfall and river, and the only way to cross it is a fallen log.)
Brand: What is this?!
Mikey: Keep going, you guys!
Brand: This looks like a drawbridge or something.
Mouth: (sees the Fratelli's closing in) Jerk Alert!!
(I can't figure out what everyone is saying right here because there are too many people talking at once.)
(All the Goonies except for Data have made it across.)
Stef: Somebody's coming!
Brand: (to Mikey) Hurry up!
(The Fratelli's make it to the opening by the "bridge".)
Jake: They're over here!
(Data is about to cross the "bridge".)
Andi: Data, hurry up!
Mikey: Don't' be a fool, Data. Come on!
Data: I've got a great idea, guys. Slick shoes!
Mikey & Mouth: Slick shoes, are you crazy?!
(Data pulls a string and the back of his shoes pop open and begin to squirt oil onto the log behind him as he works his way across.)
Brand: Okay, good job. I can see their flashlights.
Jake: Hiya fella's, remember me?
(Data has made it across and they all run for it.)
Jake: We just wanna get outta here.
(Data uses his entire arm to flip them off.)
Jake: Stop or I'm gonna shoot!
(He shoots at the ceiling and rocks and dirt fall onto their heads. Francis shoots and hits a rock that Mikey's hand is on.)
Mikey: Holy Mackenzie!
Jake: (to Francis) What are you doing? You're gonna start a cave in, here!
Francis: Cave in! What the hell do you think that was? (points to the ceiling where Jake shot at.)
(Bone Piano Cave)
Andi: Brand, hurry up with that lantern, it's pitch black.
(They pull some candles out of Data's pack.)
Mikey: Do you have some matches or something?
Brand: Ah, light it on the lamp.
Data: Good idea.
Jake: Just cross now.
Francis: Wait a minute!
Jake: Just cross!
Francis: Don't push me!
Jake: Hurry up!
(Francis goes to cross the log first. He reaches the spot where Data has squirted the oil and he does a complete head over heels flip and lands hard on the log.)
Mama F: Sweetheart, are you okay?
Francis: (very high pitched) No.
(Bone Piano Cave)
Brand: (banging on the walls) These are all solid. Look at this.
Data: (turns around and sees something) Wow. What is that?
(They all turn to look and see a giant piano made out of bones.)
Stef: It's disgusting.
Data: That's atrocious, you guys.
Brand: Look at all these bones, how did they put all these…
Mama F: Help him, help him! Hurry up!
(Jake moves to help Francis but he slips on the oil as well and falls onto the log. Suddenly the water rises and Jake and Francis are in danger of being swept off the log.)
Mama F: What are you doing? You're letting them get away.
Mama F: What's that matter with you two?
(Bone Piano Cave)
(Mouth is reading from the map.)
Mouth: To move on play the tune as each note said. If you make too many mistakes, ye will surly be…
Stef: What? What?
Andi: Be what?
Stef: What's that? Come on!
Stef: Oh, God!
Brand: You mean we gotta play the bones to get outta here.
(Data comes running up)
Brand: Were they out there? Hurry up.
Mikey: (turns the map over) You guys, look! There's notes on this.
Stef: Andi. Andi, you took piano lessons.
Andi: I was four years old.
Mouth: Do you want to live to be 17? Hit it!
Andi: (goes up to the piano) Okay, I have to find middle C. This is nothing like my mother's style.
Data: Do something. Hurry!
Andi: Okay, the first chord, I think, is…
(She plays a chord and a door begins to open up.)
Brand: My God, it's working. It's working, you guys. Way to go, Andi. Way to go!
Andi: It's all coming back to me now! Okay, um, A, C sharp, D.
Mouth: Remember those lessons and play it right, please!!
(She plays the wrong chord and the floor drops out from behind Mouth. They all grab him so he doesn't fall into this huge pit. Data, meanwhile, checks out the entrance to the tunnel to see if the Fratelli's have caught up with them.)
Data: They're coming guys. They're down there. They're coming up. What should I do?
(Everyone looks at Andi.)
Andi: All right!
Data: They're coming! Guys, they look really pissed off!
(Andi plays another wrong note and the floor drops off behind Brand. He almost tumbles in, but they all grab onto him.)
Stef: What were you thinking?
Andi: I hit the wrong note! I'm not Liberachi you know!
Brand: Listen, listen, you're doing fine.
Mikey: Andi, I believe in you. Goonies always make mistakes. Just don't make any more. Now come on.
Andi: Ah, where was I? A, A flat…
Mouth: Play it!
(She plays the correct chord and the door opens a little more.)
Mouth: All right! Good!
(Data goes to check the entrance again.
Data: Hey guys! They're gone! Ahhhhhh!
(Jake reaches up and grabs Data. The boxing glove under his jacket pops up and nails Jake. He and Francis go sliding down the rocks, and Data is able to get away. Data runs back to the rest of the group.)
Data: They're coming you guys!
(He runs into them and pushes them onto the piano keys. They hit the wrong note, and the floor falls out from behind Data. They are now stuck on a small island of rock and they only way to escape is through the door.)
Andi: I can't tell if it's an A sharp or a B flat.
Mikey: You hit the wrong note, we'll all be flat.
(Brand looks at Mikey like he just made a really distasteful joke, which he did. Andi plays the right note and the door opens all the way.)
Mikey: Let's go guys. Hurry up!
Brand: Go, go, go! (They all run through)(to Andi) Grab a hold of my hand!
(The Fratelli's arrive)
Francis: (to Jake) Toss me the gun. Give me the gun!
(Jake tosses him the gun but Francis drops it and it gets tangled up in some dry moss.)
Andi: Brand wait!
Brand: What? What are you doing?
Andi: The map! (She grabs the map)
Brand: Let's get outta here!
(They escape just as Francis untangles the gun.)
(The door leads to a system of waterslides. They gang all hop on and go for a ride. They end up coming out in a lagoon of sorts.)
Brand: (as he falls out into the water) Geranimo!
Mouth: (as he falls out into the water) Oh shit!
(They all look around to make sure that everyone is all right.)
Stef: Are you okay, Mouth? Andi, are you okay?
(Data and Mikey hug. As they do, Mikey sees the ship.)
(They all turn around.)
Mouth: Oh my god.
Data: Oh, wow!
(They all realize that they've found The Inferno. Brand tosses the now useless lantern aside and hugs Andi. Stef even hugs Mouth.)
Stef: Oh my god! (realizes that she's hugging Mouth and shoves him away.) Oh god!
Mama F.: Follow me.
(She leads Jake and Francis around to the door.)
Mama Fratelli: Idiots!
(The gang all climb up onto the ship.)
Mikey: Come on you guys.
Andi: (to Mikey) Do you really think there's a treasure here?
Mikey: Andi, this whole ship's a treasure.
Andi: (spots a skeleton) Oh! Mikey look. (walks around it)
Mikey: Ah, it's nothing to worry about Andi, it's only a skeleton. (he turns the skeleton around and sees that daggers have been shoved into the skeletons eyes.) Ewww.
Data: There's gotta be gold.
(All of a sudden the ship floor gives way beneath him and he falls through. He lands hard but he's okay. He checks himself over to make sure he's all right.)
Data: Data's okay. Data's okay. (turns to his side and sees a skeleton.) Ahhh!
All: Data are you okay?
Data: Data's okay. But Data's tired of falling and Data's tired of skeletons.
Brand: Why didn't you use the stairs.
Data: Use the stairs! Some idiot up there tells me to use the stairs when Data's falling. Data says nobody cares anymore. Stairs.
(The rest of them come down the stairs.)
Mikey: Data's okay.
Data: And they tell me I have stupid inventions. And I'm spending months and months studying on them and inventing them. God! What fun I have.
(Mikey walks over to another skeleton and picks up it's sword.)
Andi: Don't touch that.
Mikey: Why? He's dead, he doesn't care.
Brand: Put that down.
Andi: Well have some respect. Put it down.
Brand: How many ships did you say there were?
Brand: Billions. Billions? (They all head up some stairs.) Okay, be careful you guys. These stairs are slippery. Okay guys, don't slip. Don't slip. (As he says this he slips.)
(Andi finds a little doll of sorts.)
Mikey: Mouth translate.
Mouth: Ah, translate nothing! It's just a sketch of the old cannonball chamber. Where's the gold?!
Stef: Where's the gold, Mikey!
(Andi stands up and as she does she pulls on a cord by her side. This sets off something.)
Andi: (lets go of the cord) I think I set off another trap.
(A small door pops open above their heads.)
Andi: I'm sorry. Are you okay?
(They lift Mikey up to the door, and he breaks through.)
Brand: All right, break through.
(Mikey climbs through and sees what's up there.)
Brand: What's up there?
Mikey: It's okay, Brand. Just give me a second.
(Mikey turns and we can see that we're in Willy's Lair. Several skeletons are all sitting at a table.)
Mikey: Geez. And all these guys must've died. (sees Willy) Willy. One-Eyed Willy. Hello. I'm Mike Walsh, you've been expecting me. Haven't you? Well I made it. I beat you. I got here in once piece. So far. (He looks under Willy's eye patch.) So, that's why they call you One-Eyed Willy. One-Eyed Willy. We had a lot in common, huh Willy? You know something Willy? You were the first Goonie. (All the others show up) Yo. Hi guys. How's it going? This is Willy. One-Eyed Willy. Say hi, Willy. Those are my friends. The Goonies. How long have you guys been standing there?
Brand: Long enough, Mikey. Long enough.
(Everyone gazes at the gold that surrounds them.)
Mikey: What are you staring at? Load up, anything you can put in your pockets. (Data reaches for a tin of gold that's hanging in a balance) Except that!
Mikey: That's Willy's. Save that for Willy. Anything else.
(They all start to load up their pockets with jewels and gold. Mikey dumps out his marble bag.)
Mikey: Bye bye marbles.
(Andi puts on some gorgeous necklaces.)
Andi: Oh my god. Oh my god!
Stef: Hey come on, those creeps are still after us.
Data: What are we gonna do about them?
Brand: I don't know. I don't care.
Mikey: I've got an idea.
Data: What is it?
Mikey: I saw this on the Hardy Boys once. We lead a trail of jewels into one cave, and then hide out in another, and when the Fratelli's go into that cave, then we can make a run for it.
Mama F.: Now that sounds like a great idea!
(They all turn and see the Fratelli's standing in the doorway.)
Mama F.: Outside!
Data: Okay! This is war!
Mikey: Data, no!
Mama F.: I said outside!
Data: No! We will not be taken alive, Mikey.
Mouth: We? What do you mean we?
All: Data! Data!
Mikey: It's not funny, Data. She's got a gun!
Mama F.: Outside! Let's go!
(Stef comes up beside her and they check out each other's jewelry.)
Andi: Oh, I love that.
Stef: That's great.
Mama F.: Move it!
Data: I know what I'm doing.
(He goes to stand in front of the rest of the gang like he's having a showdown. He tries to get the boxing glove to work again but it won't. Francis laughs at this.)
Data: Okay that’s it. Data is unhappy.
(He shoots out his Pinchers of Peril and they get Francis right in the crotch.)
Data: Pinchers of Peril. Ha ha!
Jake: Let me help you brother.
(Data shoots off a little suction cup and it hits Mama Fratelli's gun. Instead of pulling the gun from her, it pulls Data towards them and he runs into Mama Fratelli making her drop the gun into the lower part of the ship.)
Mama F.: My gun!
Francis: That's it! No more Mr. Nice Guy!
Jake: You come with me.
Mama F.: Empty your pockets! Come on!
(The Goonies begin emptying all their pockets.)
Mama F.: Lets go! All of it! (to Mouth) You're so quiet all of a sudden. You're the one they call Mouth, aren't you? (Mouth shakes his head 'No'. Mama Fratelli reaches over and pulls out a long pearl necklace from Mouths' mouth.) Oh my God! Is that all?
Mouth: Mmmhmm. (nods)
(Mama Fratelli smacks him on the back of the head and he spits out about 5 more jewels.)
Mama F.: Oh my god!
(Andi is having her wrists tied together.)
Andi: You gross old witch!
Mama F.: You wanna play pirates, huh? We'll play pirates.
Mama F.: We'll play pirates. Keep going smarty. Say good bye to your little friends.
Andi: I can't do it with my hands tied.
Mama F.: Now walk the plank.
Andi: (Mama Fratelli swings the swords at her and makes her fall into the water.) Brand!
Brand: Andi! Look out! Get out of the way! (he jumps in the water to save Andi) Andi!
Mama F.: Two down! Who's next?
(Stef and Mouth are now being made to walk the plank together.)
Stef: Hey! You're pulling my hair.
Mouth: Hey you get that girl away from me.
Mama F.: Go join your friends you weasels.
Sloth: Hey you guys!!
(Sloth stabs the sail with his knife and he and Chunk slide down.)
Mama F.: Sloth! How'd he get out?
Chunk: Save 'em!
(Chunk swings down and saves Mouth and Stef.)
Chunk: Ay Sloth!
Chunk: No, it's Captain Chunk.
Francis: Ma, give me the sword.
(She slams it into his hand and he jerks with pain.)
Chunk: And Captain Chunk says, let's get the hell outta here.
Jake: Get out of the way kids!
(Sloth runs interference while all the Goonies run for it. They all run on the plank and jump into the water. Stef punches Mama Fratelli. Jake gets a piece of rope and tosses one end to Francis.)
Jake: Francis, the rope here. Go, go!
Francis: Slothney! Slothney! Jump rope, Slothney!
Jake: What do you mean jump rope?
Francis: (duh) Jump rope.
Jake: (gets it) Jump rope.
Both: Ring around the rosie, pocket full of posies…
(They run towards and under each other so that now the rope is wrapped around Sloth's waist. Sloth grabs each end of the rope and swings them back to where they were so that he's free again. He rips open his shirt to reveal a Superman “S” shirt underneath.)
Sloth: (points to the shirt) Sloth.
Jake: We're in deep shit now, Francis.
Francis: Oh, shit.
(Sloth looks at both of them deciding who to beat up first.)
Jake: Sloth, remember the time we went to the Bronx Zoo?
Francis: Don't start that.
Jake: He and mama wanted to leave you there. Who spoke up for you?
Francis: We never been to the Bronx Zoo.
Jake: Remember the time we were gonna get your teeth fixed and we spent the money on Francis's toupee?
Francis: I don't wear a hair piece.
(Francis runs at Jake and they start fighting.)
Jake: You rotten bastard. You lying…
(Sloth grabs them and knocks their heads together, knocking them out cold.)
(Brand saves Andi.)
Brand: Here, grab the rock.
(Before he unties her wrists he puts her arms over his head and they kiss.)
Andi: Brand, what happened to your braces?
Brand: I don't wear braces. Mikey wears… Mikey, that little…
Andi: Shhhh. (she kisses him again)
(The Inferno - Deck)
(Sloth has tied up Jake and Francis. He then lifts them up so they they're hang above the deck. He ties the rope off so that they won't fall.)
Sloth: Hey you guys!! (laughs) Mama.
Mama F.: Come to Mama, baby, come on.
Sloth: Ma, you been bad.
Mama F: Oh, Slothney. I may have been bad. I may have kept you chained in the room. But it was for your good. Oh, don't you remember when I used to sing to you? When you were a little boy?
Mama F: (sings) Rock a bye baby, on the tree top. When the wind blows your cradle will bob. When the bow breaks the cradle will fall…
Sloth: Ahhh….break…fall. (gestures to his face.)
Mama F: Oh, I only dropped you once.
Mama F: Well maybe twice.
Sloth: Ahhh! (He picks up Mama Fratelli over his head.)
Mama F: Put me down! Sloth, put me down!
(Sloth drops her over the side of the boat into the Lagoon)
(All the Goonies cheer.)
Francis: It's gonna be okay. We're gonna be all right.
(Sloth jumps into the Lagoon.)
Francis: Get the rope.
Jake: I don't wanna.
Francis: Calm down. Calm down!
(Mama Fratelli climbs back into the boat.)
Chunk: Sloth, this is the guys. Guys, this is Sloth.
All: Hi. Hello.
Mikey: Brand, we can't go. We can't leave all that gold. That's our future.
Brand: No, Mikey, we stay here we got no future. We'll come back for it later.
Mikey: Oh, all that rich stuff.
Brand: Come on! (grabs Mikey)
(The Inferno - Deck)
Jake: Mama! Just let us down easy, Ma.
(Mama Fratelli is cutting the rope with a sword.)
Francis: Not the sword! Don't do that!
(The rope breaks and they fall.)
Jake: You all right?
Francis: Yeah. You?
(They go back to fighting.)
Mama F: Will you get up! Let's go find the gold!
(They spot an opening in the cave.)
Brand: That's it! A light!
Andi: You guys it's a way out!
(The Inferno - Willy's Lair)
Mama F: Thank you, Mr. Willy. Thank you. You've made my day. This is a real treat.
(She reaches over and lifts the tray of gold that, earlier, Mikey told Data not to touch. It sets off a booby trap.)
Jake: What the hell is that?
Mama F: Another one of those…
Mama F & Francis: Booby traps!!
Francis: Let's get outta here!
Jake: What booby trap?! What booby trap?!
Francis: Booby trap. Didn't you see the movie?
(They have made their way over to the opening in the cave.)
Brand: Look you guys, daylight. There's been a cave in here before. Maybe we can get through. I can't see through the side though. (to Data) You got a light?
Data: I got that last candle. Mikey get it.
Brand: Okay, hurry up.
Chunk: Is there a way out or what?
Andi: Is there an opening or not?
(They light the "candle".)
Data: Hey, this is a funny candle. It's sparkling.
Brand: It's not a candle…it's…
(They all run and duck under the water as the TNT explodes. It explodes and closes up the small opening.)
(The Inferno - Deck)
(Jake and Francis jump from the ship.)
Mama F: Women and children first!
(The explosion has started a sort of cave in. There are all kinds of rocks falling into the Lagoon and onto the boat.)
(Mikey and Brand are trying to move a big boulder that is now blocking the opening.)
Mikey: Brand, what about the loot?
Brand: What about our lives?
(Mikey goes back to helping.)
(Sloth comes up and is able to lift the boulder using his back.)
Brand: Okay, hurry up.
(The group begins to crawl out through the small opening.)
Brand: Go! Hurry up! Are you all right!
(Mikey, Stef, and Andi go through)
(Mama Fratelli, Jake, and Francis are all swimming in their direction.)
Mama F: Sloth! Help us!
(Data, Mouth, and Brand, crawl through. Chunk is the only one left.)
Chunk: Sloth, come on!
Sloth: Ah, I love you Chunk.
Chunk: I love you too. You're gonna get crushed. (He goes.)
Mama F: Sloth!
(He lowers the rock to go and help her.)
Chunk: (in small tunnel) Sloth! No! No! He's alive!
(Brand drags him out into the open.)
Brand: Let's go. Come on!
(The 'booby trap' is actually pulling up the ship's anchor. The dynamite has created a large opening in the cave so that the ship might be able to get out.)
(Two cops are searching the beach. They see the Goonies.)
Cop 1: Well I'll be damned. It's them Goobers.
Cop 2: They weren't here a minute ago.
Cop 1: But they're here now, Dan. Call Harvey.
Cop 2: Yes, sir.
(All the parents are arriving.)
Mrs. Walsh: Where are my boys?
Mr. Walsh: There they are.
Mrs. Walsh: Brandon!
Mr. Walsh: Mikey!
Mikey: Hi Mom. Hi Dad. I guess we're kinda in deep sh…
Mrs. Walsh: (hugs him) Oh, Michael. Look at you. You're a mess.
(Mr. Walsh hugs Brand.)
Chunk's Dad: Hey! (hugs Chunk)
Mouth: Daddy! (both parents hug him)
Chunk's Dad: Look what we brought you! (shows Chunk the pizza)
Chunk: Oh! Pizza! Edie! (kisses his sister)
Chunk's Mom: Domino's Pizza. Your favorite.
Chunk: Oh, my favorite. (kisses Mom)
Mouth: And we were underground in this tunnel and it was so neat.
Stef: I lost my glasses.
Stef's Dad: Okay, okay.
Andi: Can I take piano lessons?
(Andi's mother nods.)
(Mrs. Walsh is trying to get Mikey into some dry clothes.)
Data's Dad: Hold it right there.
(He backs up and opens his coat to reveal a camera attached.)
Data: That's great, Dad!
Andi: (to her parents) Just watch this.
(Data's dad takes a picture but the back of the camera opens up and the film falls out.)
Data: Come here Daddy.
Andi: He's just like his father.
Data: (translation) That's okay Daddy. You can't hug a photograph.
Data's Dad: (translation) You are my best invention. (they hug)
Mouth: (to Stef) I just wanted to say thank you, for offering to save my life. (This line applies to a scene that got cut.)
Stef: What, what?
Mouth: Well, I wanted to say thank you.
Stef: Wow, thank you. A real moment. You know your voice is kinda nice when your mouth isn't screwing it up.
Mouth: Thanks. And you know your looks are kind of pretty when your face doesn't screw it up.
Andi: Hey, Mikey. Hey, you know, you're a great little kid…ah…person. And you know, you keep kissing girls the way you do, and the parts of you that don't work so good…they're gonna catch up to the ones that do. (she kisses Mikey on the cheek)
(Andi walks over to Brand and they kiss.)
Mr. Walsh: What…
Mrs. Walsh: Let her mother worry.
(Mikey goes to take a puff on his aspirator but he sees Brand and Andi kissing.)
Mikey: Ah…who needs it. (He tosses the aspirator over his shoulder.)
(The sheriff spots the Fratelli's coming up the beach.)
Sheriff: It's the Fratelli's.
(All the cops run over to where they are.)
Francis: Here we are, Officer.
Jake: We need your help.
Sheriff: All right, you're all under arrest. Let's go!
Chunk: Hey! Don't shoot him! (He runs over and stands in front of Sloth with his pizza box.) Don't shoot him!
Sheriff: You don't know what you're doing. Get them outta here!
(All the Goonies run over to stand in front of Sloth.)
Chunk: (points to the other Fratelli's) These are the bad guys! Those are the bad guys!
(Sloth picks up a cop with one arm.)
Chunk: No. Put him down. It will be all right.
Data: (translation) Wow! (The rest of what Data said here is not translated and I don't speak Japanese.)
(Sloth puts the man down. The cops escort the Fratelli's away.)
Francis: Do you know who I am? Do you want to lose your job?
Chunk: Sloth. You're gonna live with me now.
Chunk: Yeah. I'm gonna take care of ya. Cause I love ya. (they hug)
Sloth: Oh, I love you, Chunk.
Chunk: I love you, Sloth.
(Mr. Perkins and Troy arrive.)
Perkins: All right, Walsh. Today's the day. So lets get this over with.
Mrs. Walsh: Irving.
Mr. Walsh: I'm sorry, Irene.
Troy: Come on, Walsh. We don't have all day. There's 50 more houses to tear down after yours.
(Brand lunges for Troy but they manage to hold him back. Troy meanwhile cowers behind his father.)
Data: It's okay, Brand.
Perkins: Sheriff, I want you to witness this.
Mikey: Sorry Dad. We had our hands on the future, but we blew it to save our own lives. Sorry.
Mr. Walsh: That's all right. You and Brand are home safe with your mom and me. That makes us the richest people in Astoria.
Perkins: Walsh. You're looking at the richest people in Astoria. Now sign it.
Data: I'm sure gonna miss being a Goonie.
(As Mr. Walsh is about to sign the papers Rosilita pulls Mikey's marble bag out of his jacket. She looks inside and gasps.)
Brand: What's she saying, Mouth? What's she saying?
Mouth: No…no pen…no write…
Mouth: No sign! No sign!
(He grabs the pen from Mr. Walsh)
Perkins: How dare you…
Mouth: No sign!
Brand: What's in the bag?
(Rosilita runs over an dumps the contents of the bag into Mrs. Walsh's hand. It's rubies, emeralds, and diamonds.)
Mikey: Dad! Dad, it's my marble bag. The Fratelli's forgot to check it. See, I emptied the marbles out and I put the jewels in. We don't have to leave the Goondocks.
(Mr. Walsh tears up the papers)
Mr. Walsh: Oh, they'll be no more signing today or ever again.
(Some news vans show up.)
Reporter 1: Are those jewels real? How did you find them?
Reporter 2: What happened out there? Were your lives in danger?
Data: The octopus was very scary. (Applies to a scene that got cut.)
Reporter 1: Octopus?
Data: It was very dangerous.
Andi: The scariest thing was walking the plank.
Reporter 1: Walking the plank?
Brand: And then we found the pirate ship…
Chunk: Yeah see and that had the pirate treasure on it, and we were getting chased by the Fratelli's…
Sheriff: All right fellas, that's enough. Telling more stories, Lawrence?
Chunk: Oh no, this time it's for real.
Sheriff: (looks up) Holy Mary mother of God! Look at that!
(They all turn and see The Inferno sailing out in open waters.)
Mouth: Oh my god!
Reporter 1: Ladies and Gentlemen we're at Cauldron Point, and what appears to be a pirate ship…
(The Goonies and Sloth all go over to sit on a nearby rock and watch The Inferno sail away.)
Mikey: Bye Willy. (waves)
(The Inferno sails off into the sunset.)