Transcribed by: Sonja
(The credits run over a very dark and stormy sky.)
(A car pulls up to the gate outside of Hill House. Wadsworth, the butler, takes out a key and unlocks the gate. He then drives the car up to the front door. The house itself is a very large mansion. Wadsworth gets out of the car holding a large brown paper bag. The two guard dogs are barking their heads off. They watch Wadsworth come closer then they jump at him. Luckily Wadsworth quickly takes a large bone out of the bag and tosses it at the dogs. This distracts them. He then cinches their chains so that they can't reach the front door. He moves towards the front door then stops and sniffs. He looks down at the bottom of his shoes and realizes he's stepped in dog crap. He gives the dogs a look of disgust. They ignore him and continue to enjoy their bone. Wadsworth goes inside. We can hear the sounds of 'Shake, Rattle, and Roll' in the background. Wadsworth hangs up his coat in the hall closet. )
(The Hall of Hill House is very open. Directly in front of the front door are stairs that lead up to the second floor. To your right are the study, the library, and the billiard room. To your left are the lounge and the dining room. Directly off to the side of the stairs are the kitchen, the bathroom, the conservatory, the ball room, and the door to the basement.)
Superimposed: New England 1954
(Wadsworth quickly heads for the library)
(Yvette, the young French maid, is dusting. The music is much louder in here. Wadsworth enters and immediately turns off the music. He speaks with a very proper English accent.)
Wadsworth: Is everything ready?
Yvette: Oui, monsieur.
Wadsworth: You have your instructions?
(Yvette nods and Wadsworth leaves. After he's gone Yvette sniffs the air, and then examines the bottom of her shoes.)
(Mrs. Ho, the cook is preparing dinner. She's sharpening her knives. The TV is on in the background. Wadsworth enters.)
Wadsworth: Is everything all right, Mrs. Ho?
(She turns, knife in hand.)
Mrs. Ho: Dinner will be ready at seven-thirty.
(The doorbell rings.)
(Wadsworth exits the kitchen.)
(A middle-aged man is at the front door. He's keeping a wary eye on the dogs as he waits to be let in the house.)
(Wadsworth opens the door.)
Wadsworth: Good evening.
Man: Good evening. I don't know if…
Wadsworth: Yes, indeed, sir, you are expected, Colonel. May I take your coat? It is Colonel Mustard, isn't it?
Colonel Mustard: No, that's not my name. My name is Colonel…
Wadsworth: Excuse me, sir, but tonight you may well feel obliged to my employer for the use of an alias.
(Wadsworth turns to hang up the Colonel's coat and Mustard sniffs and checks the bottom of his shoes. Wadsworth turns back and they head for the Library.)
Colonel Mustard: And who are you, sir?
Wadsworth: I'm Wadsworth, sir. The butler.
(Yvette is preparing drinks.)
Wadsworth: Yvette, will you attend to the Colonel and give him anything he requires. (glances at them) Within reason, that is.
(Wadsworth leaves, closing the doors behind him. The doors have books on the back of them and looks like a part of the wall.)
Colonel Mustard: Oh, Wadsworth, I was…
(Mustard turns to discover the doors have disappeared.)
(The doorbell rings.)
(Wadsworth answers the door. There is a woman dressed all in black standing there.)
Wadsworth: Do come in, madam. You are expected.
Woman: Do you know who I am?
Wadsworth: Only that you are to be known as Mrs. White.
Mrs. White: Yes, it said so in the letter. But…why?
(Wadsworth removes her coat, and hangs it in the closet. Mrs. White sniffs and checks her shoes.)
(Yvette and Col. Mustard are still here. The Colonel is drinking Cognac and ogling Yvette. Wadsworth comes in and the doors push Col. Mustard back into the wall.)
Wadsworth: Ah. May I introduce you? Mrs. White, this is Yvette, the maid. (The two women react with disgust) I see you know each other.
(Mrs. White turns away as Col. Mustard emerges from behind the door.)
Mrs. White: Hello.
Colonel Mustard: Hello.
(A woman is standing by her car that has broken down. She seems very irritated. The woman sees some headlights come her way. She fixes her dress. As the car gets closer she bends over the engine like she's trying to fix the car. The car drives by, stops, and backs up. The woman goes to the window and looks in.)
Man: Want a lift?
Woman: Yes, please . . .
(She gets in.)
Woman: Thanks. I'm late for a dinner date.
Man: Me too. Where are you going?
(The woman pulls a piece of paper out of her purse.)
Woman: (looking at paper) Let's see . . . Hill House. Off Route 41.
Man: Wait a minute. Let me look at that. (takes paper) That's where I'm going. I got a letter like this.
(They both look disturbed. It begins to rain and the man turns on the windshield wipers as the car begins to move.)
(Hill House, Library)
(A middle aged woman is standing in the doorway.)
Wadsworth: (os) And this is Mrs. Peacock.
Colonel Mustard: How do you do?
Mrs. White: Hello.
Wadsworth: Yvette, will you go and check that dinner will be ready as soon as all the guests have arrived?
(Yvette nods. Mrs. Peacock stares disapprovingly at Yvette's exposed cleavage. Yvette exits the library. The doorbell rings.)
(Outside it is raining much harder. A man is waiting at the front door. He keeps a wary eye on the dogs who are growling at him. Wadsworth answers the door.)
Man: Is this the right address to meet Mr. Boddy?
Wadsworth: Oh, you must be Mr. Green.
Mr. Green: Yes…
(Mr. Green instantly sits on a bench by the door. The dogs also sit down and stop growling.)
Wadsworth: (smiles) No. Not you, sir.
(Mr. Green sheepishly gets up and enters the house.)
Woman: It should be just off there.
(They look up and see Hill House through the gate.)
Man: That must be it.
(Lightning crashes, illuminating the house.)
Woman: Why is the car stopped?
Man: It's frightened.
(The car starts again and they head for the driveway.)
(Lightening flashes outside making Mr. Green nervous.)
(The man and woman have arrive. The man shields the woman from the rain as they run to the front door.)
Man: What a godforsaken place!
(He squeezes the woman's butt. She shakes his hand off, looking disgusted. The door opens, revealing Wadsworth.)
Wadsworth: Professor Plum! And Miss Scarlet. I didn't realize you were acquainted.
Miss. Scarlet: (glancing at Plum) We weren't.
(The doors open to reveal Prof. Plum and Miss Scarlet.)
Wadsworth: May I present Professor Plum . . . and Miss Scarlet.
(Nods all around.)
(Yvette comes over and offers them a glass of wine. They both take one. Professor Plum taps glasses with Miss. Scarlet. She looks a little irritated at this.)
Wadsworth: Of course, since you've each been addressed by a pseudonym, you'll have realized that nobody here is being addressed by their real name.
(The others all glance around at each other, unsure of how to take this.)
(Mrs. Ho comes out of the kitchen and bangs on the gong signaling that dinner is ready.)
(Mr. Green jumps at the sound of the gong, and spills his wine on Mrs. Peacock.)
Wadsworth: Ah. Dinner.
Mr. Green: (hands Peacock his glass, and begins to clean her off) I'm sorry. I'm a little accident-prone.
(The guests file in. At one end of the room there is a door and a small partition that lead into the kitchen.)
Wadsworth: You'll find your names beside your places. Please be seated.
(The guests, with the exception of Colonel Mustard all find their seats and sit down.)
Colonel Mustard: (indicating the head of the table) Is this place for you?
Wadsworth: Oh, indeed, no, sir. I'm merely a humble butler.
Colonel Mustard: And what exactly do you do?
Wadsworth: I buttle, sir.
Colonel Mustard: Which means what?
Wadsworth: The butler is head of the kitchen and dining room. I keep everything . . . tidy. That's all.
(Col. Mustard attempts to continue but is interrupted by Mrs. Peacock.)
Mrs. Peacock: Well, what's all this about, butler; this dinner party?
Wadsworth: "Ours is not to reason why . . . Ours is but to do and die"
Professor Plum: Die?
Wadsworth: (smiling) Merely quoting, sir, from Alfred, Lord Tennyson.
Colonel Mustard: (now seated next to Miss Scarlet) Hm. I prefer Kipling, myself. "The female of the species is more deadly than the male." (to Scarlet) You like Kipling, Miss Scarlet?
Miss. Scarlet: Sure, I'll eat anything.
(Yvette enters carrying a tray.)
Yvette: (to Peacock) Sharks' Fin Soup, Madame.
Colonel Mustard: (again indicating the head of the table) So is this for our host?
Wadsworth: No, sir. For the seventh guest, Mr. Boddy.
Mrs. White: I thought Mr. Boddy was our host.
Others: So did I.
Mrs. White: So who is our host, Mr. Wadsworth?
(Wadsworth chuckles but doesn't say anything else.)
Professor Plum: Well, I want to start, while it's still hot.
Mrs. Peacock: Oh, now shouldn't we wait for the other guest?
Yvette: I will keep something warm for him.
Miss Scarlet: What did you have in mind, dear?
(Professor Plum begins to eat his soup. He slurps it. Mrs. White looks disgusted at this, but then she also slurps her soup. The others all stare at them while they do this.)
Mrs. Peacock: (breathlessly) Well, someone's got to break the ice, and it might as well be me. I mean, I'm used to being a hostess, it's part of my husband's work, and it's always difficult when a group of new friends meet together for the first time to get acquainted, so I'm perfectly prepared to start the ball rolling. I mean, I have absolutely no idea what we're doing here, or what I'm doing here, or what this place is about, but I am determined to enjoy myself and I'm very intrigued and oh, my, this soup's delicious isn't it?
(Everyone just stares at her.)
Mrs. White: You say you are used to being a hostess as part of your husband's work?
Mrs. Peacock: Yes, it's an integral part of your life when you are the wife of a. . . oh, but then I forgot we're not supposed to say who we really are.
Mr. Green: I know who you are.
Mrs. Peacock: (removes glasses nervously) How do you know who I am?
Mr. Green: I work in Washington, too.
Professor Plum: Oh, so you're a politician's wife.
Mrs. Peacock: Yes, I-I am.
Colonel Mustard: Well, come on, then. Who's your husband?
(Suddenly, Wadsworth opens the door from the kitchen. Yvette opens the partition into the kitchen at the same time. The noise coincides with a crash of thunder and lightening. Mr. Green jumps again and spills his drink on Miss. Scarlet.)
Mr. Green: I'm . . . sorry. I'm afraid I'm a little accident-prone. (He begins to wipe her off.)
Miss Scarlet: Ah--watch it.
(Yvette starts serving food.)
Yvette: Excuse moi.
(The guests start eating.)
Mrs. Peacock: Mmm! This is one of my favorite recipes!
Wadsworth: I know, madam.
Mrs. Peacock: So, what do you do in Washington, D.C., Mr. Green?
Mrs. Peacock: Come on, what do you do? I mean, how are we to get acquainted if we don't say anything about ourselves?
Miss Scarlet: Perhaps he doesn't want to get acquainted with you.
Mrs. Peacock: Well, I'm sure I don't know, but if I wasn't trying to keep the conversation going, then we would just be sitting here in an embarrassed silence.
Professor Plum: Are you afraid of silence, Mrs. Peacock?
Mrs. Peacock: Yes! What? No, why?
Professor Plum: Oh, it just seems to me that you seem to suffer from what we call pressure of speech.
Miss Scarlet: "We"? Who's "we"? Are you a shrink?
Professor Plum: I do know a little bit about psychological medicine, yes.
Mrs. White: Are you a doctor?
Professor Plum: I am, but I don't practice.
Miss Scarlet: Practice makes perfect. Ha. I think most men need a little practice, don't you, Mrs. Peacock?
(Mrs. Peacock shrugs, very uncomfortable.)
Mrs. White: So what do you do, Professor?
Professor Plum: I work for UNO, the United Nations Organization.
Colonel Mustard: Another politician. Jesus!
Professor Plum: No, I work for a branch of UNO. W.H.O., the World Health Organization.
Mrs. Peacock: Well, what is your area of special concern?
Professor Plum: Family planning. (to Mustard) What about you, Colonel? Are you a real colonel?
Colonel Mustard: (seriously) I am, sir.
Miss Scarlet: You're not going to mention the coincidence that you also live in Washington, D.C.?
Colonel Mustard: How did you know that? Have we met before?
Miss Scarlet: I've certainly seen you before. Although you may not have seen me.
Mr. Green: So, Miss Scarlet, does this mean that you live in Washington, too?
Miss Scarlet: Sure do.
Mrs. Peacock: Does anyone here not live in Washington, D.C.?
Professor Plum: I don't.
Mr. Green: Yes, but you work for the United Nations. That's a government job. And the rest of us all live in a government town. Anyone here not earn their living from the government in one way or another?
Colonel Mustard: (gets up suddenly angry) Wadsworth, where's our host, and why have we been brought here?
(The doorbell rings and Wadsworth goes to answer it. We can hear the door opening and Wadsworth talking to someone. The others all look very anxious.)
Wadsworth: (os) Ah! Good evening. You are eagerly awaited.
Man: (os) You lockin' me in? I'll take the key.
Wadsworth: (os) Over my dead body, sir. May I take your bag?
Man: (os) No. I'll leave it here 'til I need it.
Wadsworth: (os) It contains evidence, I presume?
Man: (os) Surprises, my friend. That's what it contains, surprises!
(Wadsworth comes back into the dining room, followed by the man.)
Wadsworth: Ladies and gentlemen, may I present Mr. Boddy.
Mr. Boddy: What are they all doin' here?
Wadsworth: Eating dinner. Do sit down, Mr. Boddy.
Mr. Boddy: (sitting) Thanks. (Yvette starts to serve him) Nah, you can take that away, honey.
Mrs. Peacock: (angrily) Look, I demand to know what's going on! Now why have we all been dragged up to this horrible place?
Wadsworth: Well. I believe we all received a letter. My letter says, "It will be to your advantage to be present on this date because a Mr. Boddy will bring to an end a certain long-standing confidential and painful financial liability." It is signed, "A friend."
Mr. Green: I received a similar letter.
Miss Scarlet: So did we, didn't we. (indicating Professor Plum)
Mr. Boddy: I also received a letter. (Yvette starts to serve him again) No thanks, Yvette. I just ate.
Mr. Green: Now, how did you know her name?
Mr. Boddy: We know each other. (puts his hand up Yvette's skirt) Don't we, dear?
(Yvette jerks back.)
Wadsworth: Forgive my curiosity, Mr. Boddy, but did your letter say the same thing?
Mr. Boddy: No.
Wadsworth: I see…(to group) Can I interest any of you in fruit or dessert?
(No one replies and Mrs. Peacock pushes her plate away.)
Wadsworth: In that case, may I suggest we adjourn to the study for coffee and brandy, at which point I believe our unknown host will reveal his intentions.
(The guests all enter and look around.)
Mr. Green: Well, there's no one here.
Wadsworth: (to the others) Please help yourself to brandy and be seated.
(Wadsworth goes over to the desk where there is an envelope. On the front of the envelope it says "For Wadsworth. Open After Dinner".)
Miss Scarlet: Mind if I smoke?
(Professor Plum, seated next to Miss Scarlet, lights her cigarette. Wadsworth opens the envelope and looks at the contents.)
Wadsworth: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm instructed to you what you all have in common with each other. Unless you would care to do the honors, Mr. Boddy?
Mr. Boddy: Why me? They know who I am?
Wadsworth: I don't think so. You've never identified yourself to them, I believe.
(Mr. Boddy stands suddenly.)
Mr. Boddy: It's a hoax! I suggest we all leave.
(He runs out of the room heading for the front door.)
Wadsworth: (in pursuit) I'm sorry, sir, you cannot leave this house!
(Mr. Boddy goes to the front door. Wadsworth and the others follow.)
Mr. Boddy: No? Who's gonna stop me?
Wadsworth: There's no way out. (Mr. Boddy tries the front door. It's locked.) All the windows have bars, all the doors are locked.
Mr. Boddy: This is an outrage! You can't hold us prisoner!
(The others, who get very nervous at this revelation, agree.)
Wadsworth: (shouting over the din) Ladies and gentlemen, please! Please return to the study. Everything will be explained.
(The guests all go back into the study except for Mr. Boddy. He walks past the study towards the back of the Hall.)
Wadsworth: (to Mr. Boddy) You too, Mr. Boddy.
(Mr. Boddy starts running.)
Wadsworth: Other way!
(He runs after Mr. Boddy.)
(There are no lights on in the conservatory. There is a little light shining in from the hall. There are plants all around and you can see the pounding rain outside through the windows. Mr. Boddy runs in and prepares to break through the glass as Wadsworth catches up to him.)
Wadsworth: You can't get out that way.
Mr. Boddy: Why not? It's only glass!
(Suddenly, a vicious Doberman jumps at the glass, barking and snarling. Mr. Boddy drops the brick.)
(Wadsworth and Mr. Boddy join the rest of the guests who are sitting silently.)
Wadsworth: Ladies and gentlemen, you all have one thing in common. You're all being blackmailed. For some considerable time, all of you have been paying what you can afford and, in some cases, more than you can afford to someone who threatens to expose you. And none of you know who's blackmailing you, do you?
Mrs. Peacock: Oh, please! I've never heard anything so ridiculous. I mean, nobody could blackmail me. My life is an open book--I've never done anything wrong.
Wadsworth: Anybody else wish to deny it?
(The others look around at each other, but no one says anything.)
Wadsworth: Very well. As everyone here is in the same boat, there's no harm in my revealing some details. And my instructions are to do so. Thank you, Yvette.
(Yvette gives a quick look around and then exits. Mr. Boddy watches her as she leaves.)
Mrs. White: Don't you think you might spare us this humiliation?
Wadsworth: I'm sorry. Professor Plum, you were once a professor of psychiatry, specializing in helping paranoid and homicidal lunatics suffering from delusions of grandeur.
Professor Plum: Yes, but now I work for the United Nations.
Wadsworth: So your work has not changed. But you don't practice medicine at the U.N. His license to practice has bee lifted, correct?
Miss Scarlet: Why? What did he do?
Wadsworth: You know what doctors aren't allowed to do with their lady patients?
Miss Scarlet: Yeah?
Wadsworth: Well, he did.
Miss Scarlet: Ha!
Mrs. Peacock: Oh, how disgusting.
Wadsworth: (swooping down on her) Are you making moral judgements, Mrs. Peacock? How, then, do you justify taking bribes in return for delivering your husband Senator Peacock's vote to certain lobbyists?
Mrs. Peacock: My husband is a paid consultant. There is nothing wrong with that!
Wadsworth: Not if it's publicly declared, perhaps. But if the payment is delivered by slipping used greenbacks in plain envelopes under the door of the men's room, how would you describe that transaction?
Miss Scarlet: I'd say it stinks.
Mrs. Peacock: Well, how would you know? When were you in that men's room?
Professor Plum: So it's true!
Mrs. Peacock: (standing) No, it's a vicious lie!
Wadsworth: I'm sure we're all glad to hear that. But you've been paying blackmail for over a year now to keep that story out of the papers.
Mrs. White: (to Peacock) Well, I am willing to believe you. I too am being blackmailed for something I didn't do.
Mr. Green: Me too.
Colonel Mustard: And me.
Miss Scarlet: Not me.
Wadsworth: You're not being blackmailed?
Miss Scarlet: Oh, I'm being blackmailed, all right. But I did what I'm being blackmailed for.
Professor Plum: (with interest) What did you do?
Miss Scarlet: Well, to be perfectly frank, I run a specialized hotel and a telephone service which provide gentlemen with the company of a young lady for a short while.
Professor Plum: Oh, yeah? (pulls out a pen and notepad) What's the phone number?
(Miss Scarlet rolls her eyes.)
Mr. Green: So how did you know Colonel Mustard works in Washington? Is he one of your clients?
Colonel Mustard: Certainly not!
Mr. Green: I was asking Miss Scarlet.
Colonel Mustard: (to Scarlet) Well, you tell him it's not true!
Miss Scarlet: It's not true.
Professor Plum: Is that true?
Miss Scarlet: No, it's not true.
Mr. Green: Ha-hah! So it is true!
Wadsworth: A double negative!
Colonel Mustard: Double "negative"? You mean you have…(whispers to Scarlet) photographs?
Wadsworth: That sounds like a confession to me. In fact, the double negative has led to proof positive. I'm afraid you gave yourself away.
Professor Plum: But seriously, I don't see what's so terrible about Colonel Mustard visiting a house of ill fame. (puts his hand on Miss Scarlet's leg) Most soldiers do, don't they?
Miss Scarlet: (standing) Oh, please.
Wadsworth: But he holds a sensitive security post in the pentagon. And, Colonel, you drive a very expensive car for someone who lives on a Colonel's pay.
Colonel Mustard: I don't. I came into money during the war, when I lost my mommy and daddy.
Wadsworth: Mrs. White, you've been paying our friend the blackmailer ever since your husband died under, shall we say, mysterious circumstances.
Mrs. White: I didn't kill him.
Colonel Mustard: Then why are you paying the blackmailer?
Mrs. White: I don't want a scandal, do I? He didn't actually seem to like me very much, he had threatened to kill me in public.
Miss Scarlet: Why would he want to kill you in public?
Wadsworth: I think she meant he threatened, in public, to kill her.
Miss Scarlet: Oh. And was that his final word on the matter?
Mrs. White: Being killed is pretty final, wouldn't you say?
Wadsworth: And yet he was the one who died, not you, Mrs. White, not you.
Miss Scarlet: What did he do for a living?
Mrs. White: He was a scientist. Nuclear physics.
Miss Scarlet: What was he like?
Mrs. White: He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man. I mean, I'm afraid it came as a great shock to him when he died. But he was found dead at home. His head had been cut off and so had his…you know…
(The men in the room look uncomfortable and cross their legs.)
Wadsworth: But he was your second husband. Your first husband also disappeared.
Mrs. White: But that was his job. He was an illusionist.
Wadsworth: But he never reappeared.
Mrs. White: (shrugging) He wasn't a very good illusionist.
(Mr. Green clears his throat and stands.)
Mr. Green: I have something to say. (pauses) I'm not going to wait for Wadsworth here to unmask me. I work for the state department. And I am a homosexual.
(Wadsworth, wide-eyed, looks through the information that he's been given. Mrs. Peacock clucks in disgust.)
Mr. Green: I feel no personal shame or guilt about this. But I must keep it a secret or I will lose my job on security grounds. (pauses again) Thank you.
(Mr. Green sits back down next to Professor Plum, who gets up and moves away.)
Professor Plum: Well, that just leaves Mr. Boddy.
Miss Scarlet: What's your little secret?
Wadsworth: His secret? Oh, hadn't you guessed? He's the one who's blackmailing you all.
(Mr. Boddy sits there looking smug.)
Colonel Mustard: You bastard!
(The others all move in on Mr. Boddy as he gets up. Colonel Mustard challenges Mr. Boddy to fight.)
Colonel Mustard: Put 'em up!
(Mr. Boddy steps on the Colonel's toes and pokes him in the eyes.)
Mr. Green: Gentlemen . . .
Colonel Mustard: If you can't fight fairly, don't fight at all!
Mr. Boddy: Nobody calls me a bastard!
(The others try to keep Colonel Mustard away from Mr. Boddy. Mrs. White decides to deal with things in her own way, and knees Mr. Boddy in the crotch.)
Mr. Green: Was that necessary, Mrs. White?
Wadsworth: Wait! Wait! The police are coming!
(The others are surprised to hear this.)
Wadsworth: Listen! Blackmail depends on secrecy. You've all admitted how he's been able to blackmail you. All you have to do is tell the police, he'll be convicted, and your troubles will be over.
Mr. Boddy: It's not so easy. You'll never tell the police.
Wadsworth: Then I shall. I have evidence in my possession, and this conversation is being tape recorded.
(Yvette is drinking the Cognac and listening to the tape recording.)
Mr. Green: (on tape recorder) Point of order--tape recordings are not admissible evidence!
Wadsworth: Ladies and gentlemen, the police will be here in about (checks his watch) forty-five minutes. Tell them the truth, and Mr. Boddy will be behind bars.
(Mr. Boddy heads for the door.)
Wadsworth: Where are you going this time?
Mr. Boddy: I think I can help them make up their minds. Can I just get my little bag from the hall?
(Mr. Boddy exits.)
(Mr. Boddy gets his bag from by the front door.)
(Mr. Boddy returns and opens the bag.)
Mr. Boddy: Who can guess what's in here, eh?
Mrs. White: The evidence against us, no doubt.
(He starts handing out boxes to each of the other guests.)
Miss Scarlet: We didn't know we were meeting you tonight. Did you know you were meeting us?
Mr. Boddy: Oh, yes.
Mrs. White: What were you told, precisely?
Mr. Boddy: Merely that you were all meeting to discuss our little . . . financial arrangements. And if I did not appear, Wadsworth would be informing the police about it all. Naturally I could hardly resist putting in an appearance. 'Scuse me.(looks at everyone just holding the packages) Open 'em.
Miss Scarlet: Why not? I enjoy getting presents from strange men.
(Miss Scarlet opens her package to reveal a candlestick.)
Miss Scarlet: A candlestick? What's this for?
(The others all open their boxes. Mrs. White's contains a rope tied into a noose. Mr. Green finds a lead pipe in his box. Colonel Mustard's contains a heavy duty wrench. Professor Plum pulls a revolver out of his box. Mrs. Peacock holds up a dagger.)
Mr. Boddy: (os) In your hands, you each have a lethal weapon.
(Mr. Boddy walks into view.)
Mr. Boddy: If you denounce me to the police, you will also be exposed and humiliated. I'll see to that in court. (pauses) But if one of you kills Wadsworth now…
(Wadsworth's eyes widen in shock.)
Mr. Boddy: …no one but the seven of us will ever know. He has the key to the front door, which he said would only be opened over his dead body. I suggest we take him up on that offer.
(Mr. Boddy goes over to where the light switch is. He closes the Study door and sets down his drink.)
Mr. Boddy: The only way to avoid finding yourselves on the front pages is for one of you to kill Wadsworth. Now.
(He switches off the light.)
(The gun goes off. Something breaks. Someone screams. The lights go back on. Mrs. Peacock, who turned on the light, drops her dagger in shock. Mr. Boddy is lying apparently dead on the floor.)
Colonel Mustard: It's not Wadsworth!
(Professor Plum goes over to the body.)
Professor Plum: Stand back! Give him air! (kneels next to Mr. Boddy) Let me see. (checks Mr. Boddy for signs of life) He's dead!
Mrs. White: Who had the gun?
Professor Plum: I did.
Mrs. Peacock: Then you shot him!
Professor Plum: I didn't!
Mrs. Peacock: Well, you had the gun. If you didn't shoot him, who did?
(Mr. Boddy is rolled over onto his back.)
Professor Plum: Nobody! Look, there's no gunshot wound. Somebody tried to grab the gun from me in the dark and the gun went off. Look! The bullet broke that vase on the mantel!
(Everyone rushes for the mantel simultaneously, causing confusion.)
Colonel Mustard: He's absolutely right. Look, there's a bullet hole here in the wall. See that?
(Mr. Green grabs Professor Plum by the lapels.)
Mr. Green: How did he die?
Professor Plum: I don't know!(shoves him away) I'm not a forensic expert.
Mrs. White: Well, one of us must have killed him!
Mr. Green: Well, I didn't do it.
Mrs. Peacock: Oh, I need a drink!
(She goes to the door and gets Mr. Boddy's cognac. She sips.)
Professor Plum: (alarmed) Maybe he was poisoned!
(Mrs. Peacock drops the glass in revulsion and starts to scream. Mr. Green takes her to a sofa. She sits, but won't stop screaming. Mr. Green slaps her and she shuts up.)
Mr. Green: I . . . I had to stop her from screaming . . .
Professor Plum: (to Green) Was the brandy
Mr. Green: I don't know.
Miss Scarlet: (picks up the glass. All the cognac has spilled out) Looks like we'll never know.
Mr. Green: Unless . . . unless she dies, too.
(They all rush over to scrutinize Mrs. Peacock.)
(Suddenly a scream sounds from another room. The group all runs into the Hall.)
(The group runs to the door of the billiard room. Mr. Green tries to open it.)
Mr. Green: It's locked!
Wadsworth: Open up!
Professor Plum: It must be the murderer.
Mr. Green: Why would he scream?
Mrs. White: He must have a victim in there. Oh, my God! Yvette!
Mr. Green: Oh, my God!
(The door opens.)
(The Billiard Room)
(The group gathers in the doorway of the room.)
Wadsworth: You're alive!
Yvette: No thanks to you!
Wadsworth: What do you mean?
Yvette: You lock me up with a murderer, you idiot!
Mrs. White: So the murderer is in this room.
Yvette: Mai Oui!
Mr. Green: But where?
Yvette: Where? Here!
(Mr. Green looks behind the door.)
Yvette: We are all looking at him. Or her. Is what Mrs. White said in the study--one of you is the killer!
Professor Plum: How did you know we said that?
Yvette: I was listening!
Mrs. White: But why were you screaming in here all by yourself?
Yvette: Because I am frightened. Me too, I also drink the cognac. Mon diou. I can't stay in here by myself.
(Miss Scarlet and Colonel Mustard go over to Yvette.)
Miss Scarlet: Come back to the study with us.
Yvette: With the murderer?
Colonel Mustard: (shaking the wrench) There is safety in numbers…(realizing and putting the wrench away)…my dear.
(The guests leave the room. After they are gone, Wadsworth takes the tape off the spools.)
Wadsworth: Please sit down. Everyone.
(Everyone sits down except Mr. Green. He huts around for a place to sit but no one will move. He winds up leaning against a table in the corner of the room.)
Wadsworth: When I said that I was Mr. Boddy's butler, this was both true and misleading. I was once his butler, but it was not his untimely death this evening that brought my employment with him to an end.
Colonel Mustard: When did it come to an end?
Wadsworth: When my wife decided to…end her life. She too was being blackmailed by this odious man who now lies dead before us. He hated my wife for the same reason that he hated all of you. He believed that you were all thoroughly…un-American.
(The table that Mr. Green was leaning against suddenly gives way. He crashes to the floor.)
Mr. Green: Sorry.
Wadsworth: For some reason, he felt that it was inappropriate for a senator to have a corrupt wife, for a doctor to take advantage of his patients, for a wife to emasculate her husband and . . . and . . . so forth.
Mr. Green: But this is ridiculous! If he was such a patriotic American, why didn't he just report us to the authorities?
Wadsworth: He decided to put his information to good use and make a little money out of it. What could be more American than that?
Professor Plum: And what was your role in all this?
Wadsworth: I was a victim, too. At least my wife was. She had friends who were…Socialists.
(The others all gasp at this. The most vocal is Mrs. Peacock.)
Wadsworth: (holding back tears) Well, we all make mistakes . . .
(Mrs. White pulls a tissue from inside her dress and gives it to him.)
Wadsworth: But Mr. Boddy threatened to give my wife's name to the House Un-American Activities Committee unless she named them. She refused, and so he blackmailed her. We had no money, and the price of his silence was that we worked for him for nothing. We were slaves! Well, to make a long story short…
Colonel Mustard: Too late.
Wadsworth: …the suicide of my wife preyed on my mind, and created a sense of injustice in me. I resolved to put Mr. Boddy behind bars. It seemed to be the best way to do it, and to free all of you from the same burden of blackmail was to get everyone face to face, confront Mr. Boddy with his crimes, and then…turn him over to the police.
Professor Plum: So, everything is explained.
Miss Scarlet: Nothing's explained. We still don't know who killed him!
Wadsworth: Well, the point is, we've got to find out in the next thirty-nine minutes. Before the police arrive!
Mrs. Peacock: My God, we can't have them come here now!
Mr. Green: But…how can we possibly find out which of you did it?
Professor Plum: What do you mean which of "you" did it?
Mr. Green: Well, I didn't do it!
Wadsworth: Well, one of us did. We all had the opportunity, we all had a motive.
Miss Scarlet: Great. We'll all go to the chair.
Professor Plum: Maybe it wasn't one of us.
Colonel Mustard: Well, who else could it have been?
Professor Plum: Who else is in the house?
Wadsworth & Yvette: Only the cook.
All: The cook!!
(The group all run to the kitchen.)
(They all stop just inside the door. Except for Mr. Green. He goes further into the kitchen and looks around.)
Mr. Green: Well. She's not here.
(The door to the freezer opens up. Miss Scarlet screams. The cooks body falls out and Mr. Green catches it. She has the dagger in her back. Being that Mrs. Ho was a large woman, Mr. Green is having trouble holding her up.)
Mr. Green: I didn't do it!! (pause) Somebody help me, please? (nobody moves) Somebody help me, PLEASE?
(A few of them move closer to the now dead cook and Mr. Green. Mrs. White reaches for the knife.)
Colonel Mustard: Don't touch it. That's evidence.
Mrs. White: Not for us. We have to find out who did this. We can't take fingerprints!
Colonel Mustard: (to Wadsworth) I think you'd better explain yourself, Wadsworth.
Wadsworth: Me? Why me?
Mr. Green: Who would want to kill the cook?
Miss Scarlet: Dinner wasn't that bad.
Colonel Mustard: How can you make jokes at a time like this?
Miss Scarlet: It's my defense mechanism.
Colonel Mustard: Some defense. If I was the killer, I would kill you next.
(The others looked shocked.)
Miss Scarlet: Oh?
Colonel Mustard: I said "if." "If"! (pause) Hey, come on. There is only one admitted killer here, and it is certainly not me, it is her! (points at Mrs. White)
Mrs. White: I've admitted nothing.
Colonel Mustard: Well, you paid the blackmail. How many husbands have you had?
Mrs. White: Mine or other women's?
Colonel Mustard: Yours.
Mrs. White: Five.
Colonel Mustard: Five.
Mrs. White: Yes, just the five. Husbands should be like Kleenex. Soft, strong, and disposable.
Colonel Mustard: You lure men to their deaths like a spider with flies!
Mrs. White: Flies are where men are most vulnerable.
Colonel Mustard: Right! (realizes what he's agreed with.) Well, if it wasn't you, then who was it? Who had the dagger, anyway? It was you, Mrs. Peacock, wasn't it?
Mrs. Peacock: Yes, but I put it down.
Professor Plum: Where?
Mrs. Peacock: In the study.
Professor Plum: When?
Mrs. Peacock: I don't know! Before I fainted, after I fainted, I don't know! But any of you could have picked it up.
Wadsworth: Hmm. Look. I suggest we take the cook's body into the study.
Colonel Mustard: Why?
Wadsworth: I'm the butler. I like to keep the kitchen tidy.
(We can see the Hall through the doorway. The men are carrying Mrs. Ho.)
Professor Plum: (dropping Mrs. Ho and pointing) Look!
Wadsworth and Mr. Green: What?
Professor Plum: The body's gone!
(The rest of the men drop Mrs. Ho.)
Mrs. Peacock: What are you all staring at?
Mr. Green: Nothing . . .
Mrs. Peacock: Well, who's there?
Colonel Mustard: Nobody.
Wadsworth: Nobody. No Boddy, that's what we mean Mr. Boddy's body. It's gone.
Mrs. White: Maybe he wasn't dead.
Professor Plum: He was.
Miss Scarlet: We should have made sure!
Mrs. Peacock: How? By cutting his head off, I suppose.
Mrs. White: That wasn't called for.
Miss Scarlet: Where is he?
Professor Plum: We better look for him.
(They look around.)
Mr. Green: Well . . . he couldn't have been dead.
Professor Plum: He was. At least I thought he was. But…what difference does it make now?
Miss Scarlet: It makes quite a difference to him.
Mr. Green: Maybe Mr. Boddy killed the cook!
Miss Scarlet & Mrs. White: Yes!
(Mr. Green is at a loss.)
Mrs. Peacock: Well, if you'll excuse me, I have to, um…(to Yvette) Is there a little girls' room?
Yvette: Oui, oui, madame. (she points in the direction of the Hall.)
Mrs. Peacock: No, I just want to powder my nose, thank you.
(Mrs. Peacock steps over Mrs. Ho's body and into the hall. Miss Scarlet picks up something off the desk.)
Miss Scarlet: What's this, Wadsworth?
Wadsworth: I'm afraid those are the negatives to which Colonel Mustard earlier referred.
Colonel Mustard: (Going for them) Oh, my God!
Miss Scarlet: Were you planning to blackmail him, Wadsworth?
Wadsworth: Certainly not! I'd obtained them for the Colonel, and I was going to give them back as soon as Mr. Boddy was unmasked.
Miss Scarlet: Mmmm…very pretty. Would you like to see these, Yvette? They might shock you.
Yvette: No, merci. I am a lady.
Miss Scarlet: Oh, how do you know what kind of pictures they are if you're such a "lady"?
Professor Plum: What sort of pictures are they?
Colonel Mustard: They are my pictures, and I'd like them back, please.
Miss Scarlet: No, I'm afraid there's something in them that concerns me too.
(Professor Plum grabs the pictures and holds them up to the light.)
Professor Plum: Let me see…
Mrs. White: (looking) Oh, my. Nobody can get into that position.
Professor Plum: (putting the pictures down) Sure they can. Let me show you.
(Plum starts to demonstrate with Mrs. White on the couch.)
Mrs. White: Get off me!
(Mrs. Peacock opens the door to the bathroom. She screams as Mr. Boddy's body falls out onto her. He's obviously dead now. The others all hear her and run to her aid.)
Professor Plum: Mr. Boddy!
Mr. Green: He's attacking her!
(They pull the body off Mrs. Peacock.)
Mrs. White: Well, he's dead.
Wadsworth: Mr. Boddy. Dead. Again.
Mrs. Peacock: (fanning herself) Oh, my God…
Wadsworth: She's going to faint.
Professor Plum: Somebody catch her!
Wadsworth: (he goes around behind Mrs. Peacock and holds his arms out.) I'll catch you. Fall into my arms. (she falls through his arms and slumps onto the floor.) Sorry.
Mrs. White: (looking at Mr. Green) You've got blood on your hands . . .
Mr. Green: (begins wiping his hands off.) I didn't do it!
Wadsworth: He's got new injuries.
(He picks up Mr. Boddy's arm and lets it fall again.)
Wadsworth: Well, he's certainly dead now. Why would anyone want to kill him twice?
Miss Scarlet: It seems so unnecessary.
Colonel Mustard: It's what we call "overkill."
Professor Plum: It's what we call "psychotic."
Mr. Green: Unless he wasn't dead before.
Professor Plum: What's the difference?
Wadsworth: (shouting) That's what we're trying to find out! We're trying to find out who killed him, and where, and with what!
Professor Plum: There's no need to shout!
Wadsworth: (still shouting) I'm not shouting!! All right, I am. I'm shouting, I'm shouting, I'm shout…
(He's cut off as the candlestick that has been places above the bathroom door falls onto his head. Wadsworth falls to the floor.)
(The Women are carrying Mrs. Ho into the room, the men are carrying Mr. Boddy.)
Colonel Mustard: Okay, put the corpses on the sofa. (pause) Ladies first.
(They put Mrs. Ho on the couch.)
Colonel Mustard: Now Mr. Boddy.
(They now place Mr. Boddy on the other end of the couch. Professor Plum is stuck on the couch in between the two bodies. He decides to stay where he is and makes himself comfortable.)
Colonel Mustard: Now. Who… (he sees that Mr. Boddy is facing directly up so that it appears that Mr. Boddy is staring at him. He reaches down and closes Mr. Boddy's eyes.) Who had access to the candlestick?
Mrs. White: (to Miss Scarlet) It was given to you.
Miss Scarlet: Yeah, but I dropped it on the table. Anyone could have picked it up. You…him…
(Wadsworth starts going around the room, picking up the weapons.)
Wadsworth: Look. We still have all these weapons. The gun, the rope, the wrench, the lead pipe. Let's put them all in this cupboard and lock it. There's a homicidal maniac about!
(He locks the weapons in the cupboard. Everyone states their approval.)
Mr. Green: What are you doing with the key?
Wadsworth: Putting it in my pocket.
Mr. Green: Why?
Wadsworth: Well, to keep it safe, obviously.
Mrs. Peacock: That means that you can open it, whenever you want.
Wadsworth: But it also means that you can't.
Mrs. Peacock: But what if you're the murderer?
Wadsworth: I'm not.
Colonel Mustard: But what if you are?!
Wadsworth: Well, it's got to be put somewhere. If I've got it, I know I'm safe.
Mrs. Peacock: We don't know that WE are!
Wadsworth: I've an idea. We'll throw it away!
(The others all agree and they run to the front door.)
(The Hall/Front Door)
(Wadsworth opens the front door, arm raised to throw the key out. He quickly lowers his arm when the man standing at the door ducks. Wadsworth puts the key back in his pocket as the rest of the group run up behind him.)
Wadsworth: Sorry…Sorry…(laughs nervously) Can we help?
Man: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb the whole household, but…my car broke down out here, and I was wondering if I could use your phone.
Wadsworth: Just a moment, please.
(The guests all huddle together and discuss this turn of events. The Motorist watches them in confusion. After a minute the guests turn back to the Motorist.)
Wadsworth: Very well, sir. Would you care to come in?
Motorist: (enters the Hall) Well? Where is it?
Wadsworth: What, the body?
Motorist: The phone. What body?
Wadsworth: Well, there's no body. There's nobody. There's nobody in the study.
Wadsworth: But I think there's a phone in the lounge.
Motorist: Thank you.
(Wadsworth leads the Motorist inside and indicates the phone.)
Wadsworth: When you've finished your call, perhaps you'd be good enough to wait here.
(Wadsworth exits the lounge.)
(Wadsworth closes the door to the lounge and locks it. Colonel Mustard comes up behind him and puts a hand on his shoulder. Wadsworth yells in fright.)
Colonel Mustard: Where's the key?
Wadsworth: In my pocket.
Professor Plum: Not that key; the key to the cupboard with the weapons!
Wadsworth: Do you still wish me to throw it away?
(The Hall/Front Door)
(Wadsworth opens the Front Door, takes the key from his pocket, and gives it a good throw. It lands in the bushes.)
(Wadsworth closes the door.)
Wadsworth: Well. What now?
Mrs. White: (holding her hand out) Wadsworth, let me out.
Mrs. White: Why not?
Wadsworth: We've got to know who did it. We're all in this together, now.
Mrs. Peacock: If you leave, I'll say that you killed them both.
(Mrs. White walks over to Wadsworth.)
Mrs. White: Oh, Wadsworth, I'll make you sorry you ever started this. One day, when we're alone together…
Wadsworth: Mrs. White, no man in his right mind would be alone together with you.
Colonel Mustard: Well, I could use a drink!
(The others agree with that. Colonel Mustard goes over to the study and looks in.)
Colonel Mustard: Just checking.
Mrs. Peacock: Everything all right?
Colonel Mustard: Yep. Two corpses. Everything's fine.
(Colonel Mustard pours himself a glass of whiskey.)
Colonel Mustard: Anybody else want a whiskey?
Miss Scarlet: Yeah.
(Colonel Mustard fills three other glasses at once, spilling the whiskey all over the table in the process.)
Colonel Mustard: All right, look. Pay attention, everybody. (to Wadsworth) Wadsworth, am I right in thinking there is nobody else in this house?
Wadsworth: Mmmm, no.
Colonel Mustard: Then there IS someone else in this house?
Wadsworth: No, sorry. I said "no," meaning "yes."
Colonel Mustard: "'No,' meaning 'yes'"? Look, I want a straight answer. Is there someone else or isn't there, yes or no?
Wadsworth: Um, no.
Colonel Mustard: "No," there IS, or "no," there ISN'T?
(Mrs. White breaks her glass against the fireplace.)
Mrs. White: (exasperated) Please!! Don't you think we should get that man out of the house before he finds out what's been going on here?
Miss Scarlet: Yeah!
Professor Plum: How can we throw him outside in this weather?
Miss Scarlet: If we let him stay in the house, he may get suspicious.
Professor Plum: If we throw him out, he may get even more suspicious.
Colonel Mustard: If I were him, I'd be suspicious already.
Mrs. Peacock: Oh, who cares?! That guy doesn't matter! Let him stay, locked up for another half an hour! The police will be here by then, and there are two dead bodies in the study!!
Colonel Mustard: Well, there is still some confusion as to whether or not there's anybody else in this house.
Wadsworth: I told you, there isn't.
Colonel Mustard: There isn't any confusion, or there isn't anybody else in the house.
Wadsworth: Either. Or both.
Colonel Mustard: Just give me a clear answer!
Wadsworth: Certainly! (pause) What was the question?
Colonel Mustard: Is there anybody else in the house?!
Colonel Mustard: That's what he says, but does he know? I suggest we handle this in proper military fashion. We split up, and search the house.
Mrs. Peacock: Split up?!
Colonel Mustard: Yes. We have very little time left, so we'll split up into pairs.
Professor Plum: Pairs?
Colonel Mustard: Yes.
Professor Plum: Wait a minute. Suppose that one of us IS the murderer? If we split up into pairs, whichever one is left with the killer might get killed!
Colonel Mustard: Then we would have discovered who the murderer is!
Mrs. Peacock: But the other half of the pair would be dead!
Colonel Mustard: This is war, Peacock! Casualties are inevitable. You cannot make an omelet without breaking eggs--every cook will tell you that.
Mrs. Peacock: But look what happened to the cook!
Mr. Green: Colonel, are you willing to take that chance?
Colonel Mustard: What choice have we?
Miss Scarlet: None.
Mr. Green: I suppose you're right.
Yvette: Bon decor. But it is dark upstairs, and I am frightened of the dark. Will anyone go with me?
Professor Plum: I will.
Colonel Mustard: I will.
Mr. Green: No, thank you.
Wadsworth: I suggest we all draw lots, for partners.
(He takes long matchsticks from a pan near the fireplace.)
(Wadsworth uses a kitchen knife to cut the matches into different lengths. He fixes them in his hand so that you can't tell which are the shortest and which are the longest.)
Wadsworth: Ready? The two shortest together, the next two shortest together. Agreed? And I suggest the two shortest search the cellar, and so on, up.
(The guests each pick a match and then compare to see who will be going with who. Mr. Green and Yvette go to the Attic. Wadsworth and Mrs. White go to the Second floor. Miss Scarlet and Colonel Mustard search the ground floor. Professor Plum and Mrs. Peacock search the basement.)
Professor Plum: It's you and me, honey bunch.
Mrs. Peacock: Oh, God.
(The guests all exit the Kitchen and head for their respective search areas. Wadsworth and Mrs. White start up the stairs along with Mr. Green and Yvette. Professor Plum and Mrs. Peacock stop, looking around for the door to the basement/cellar. Wadsworth pauses on a step and indicates the door under the staircase.)
Wadsworth: The cellar.
(Colonel Mustard and Miss Scarlet stop in the middle of the Hall.)
Colonel Mustard: Well, we know what's in the study, we've just come from the library, and the stranger's locked up in the lounge.
Miss Scarlet: Let's go look in the billiard room again.
(They look warily at each other then head for the Billiard Room.)
(Professor Plum opens the door to the basement. Mrs. Peacock turns on the light. The enter very slowly.)
(Second Floor - Hallway)
(Wadsworth and Mrs. White walk down the hallway while Mr. Green and Yvette open the door that leads to the attic stairs.)
(Mr. Green and Yvette are standing in the doorway to the attic stairs.)
Mr. Green: Do you want to go up in front of me?
Yvette: Absolutely no.
Mr. Green: I'm sure there's no one up there.
Yvette: Then you go in front.
Mr. Green: All right.
(He doesn't move)
Yvette: Go on. I be right behind you.
Mr. Green: That's why I'm nervous.
Yvette: Then we go together.
(The two begin walking up the narrow steps at the same time. This soon becomes very difficult.)
(Mrs. Peacock and Professor Plum are slowly going down the stairs. Professor Plum slips on a step and Mrs. Peacock, moves away quickly, frightened.)
Mrs. Peacock: Stay there!
(Second Floor - Master Bedroom)
(The room is dark.)
Wadsworth: (nervously) If there's anybody in here, just look out!
(Second Floor - Bedroom)
(Mrs. White is looking around.)
Mrs. White: (nervously) Are you hiding? I'm coming…
(Mrs. Peacock sees a rat and screams. The rat crawls away. Professor Plum tenses at her scream, but starts to look around.)
(Colonel Mustard and Miss Scarlet are standing in the doorway. Colonel Mustard turns on the lights.)
Colonel Mustard: Nobody here.
Miss Scarlet: He's behind one of those curtains?
(She points to the curtains at the other end of the Ballroom.)
Colonel Mustard: You look. I'll go search the kitchen. (leaves)
(Miss Scarlet sighs. She starts to walk very slowly towards the curtains. Suddenly the curtain moves. Miss Scarlet stops in her tracks. She starts moving towards the curtains again, this time much, much slower. She reaches the curtains and throws them back revealing a broken window with the wind blowing in.)
(It is still raining and we see that the Motorist's car is off to the side of the road. A cop car pulls up to investigate. )
(Hill House – The Study)
(All of the evidence against the guests and Mr. Boddy are sitting on the desk. A gloved hand picks them up and throws them into the fire. The gloved hand then goes over to the cabinet where the weapons are stored and unlocks it with the key. We can see all the weapons inside.)
(There is a Cop shining his flashlight into the Motorists car.)
(Hill House – The Lounge)
(The Motorist is on the phone. As he talks we can see the secret passage behind the fireplace swing open.)
Motorist: I'm a little nervous. I'm in this big house, and I've been locked into the lounge. (pauses) Yes.
(A gloved hand carrying a wrench moves toward the motorist.)
Motorist: The funny thing is, there's a whole group of people here having some sort of party. And one of them is my old boss from…
(The wrench comes down on the back of his head. The Motorist drops the phone as he falls to the floor, dead. A gloved hand places the phone back on its cradle.)
(The Cop shines his flashlight on the car's license plate, then underneath the car. He walks away.)
(Hill House – Conservatory)
(Colonel Mustard and Miss Scarlet stand in the doorway. There is a little light coming in from the Hall. Rain can still be heard, but no lightning. Col. Mustard switches on the lights. The two look around. Miss Scarlet walks over to the windows. We can see that it's still pouring outside. Colonel Mustard walks off to one side and starts picking things up. He then grabs a rag and wipes his hands off. He leans back against the wall and it swings open. He falls down into a secret passage but quickly gets back up.)
Colonel Mustard: Looks like a secret passage.
Miss Scarlet: Should we see where it leads?
Colonel Mustard: What the hell. I'll go first, I've had a good life.
(The secret passage is narrow, and the floor is uneven.)
Miss Scarlet: Oh, God.
Colonel Mustard: It's all right.
(Colonel Mustard and Miss Scarlet come out from behind the fireplace. They see that the Motorist has been killed.)
Miss Scarlet: Oh, my God!
(The fireplace slides shut behind them. Miss Scarlet panics and begins screaming.)
(Mr. Green and Yvette can faintly hear Miss Scarlet's yells.)
(Miss Scarlet and Colonel Mustard run to the double doors and realize that they are locked. They begin yelling to be let out.)
(Second Floor - Hallway)
(Wadsworth and Mrs. White run for the staircase.)
(Mr. Green and Yvette run down from the attic.)
(Second Floor - Hallway)
(Mr. Green and Yvette emerge from the attic door and run into Mrs. White and Wadsworth.)
(Miss Scarlet and Col. Mustard are still banging at the door and screaming.)
(Second Floor - Hallway)
(They all untangle themselves and continue running down the stairs.)
Wadsworth: Where's it coming from?
Mr. Green: Where are we going?
(They reach the ground floor the same time Professor Plum and Mrs. Peacock come upstairs from the cellar.)
Mrs. White: Where are they?
Wadsworth: The Lounge!
(Wadsworth tries the door. It's locked.)
Professor Plum: The door's locked!
Mr. Green: (impatiently) I know.
Professor Plum: Then unlock it!
Mr. Green: Where's the key?
(Wadsworth searches his pockets.)
Wadsworth: The key is gone!!
Professor Plum: Never mind about the key! Unlock the door!
(Mr. Green grabs Professor Plum and begins to shake him.)
Mr. Green: I can't unlock the door without the key! (He releases Professor Plum and bangs on the door.) Let us in! Let us in!
Miss Scarlet & Colonel Mustard: Let us out! Let us out!
Wadsworth: It's no good. Stand back. (He backs up all the way across the hall to the study door.) There's no alternative. I'm just going to have to break it down!
(Wadsworth runs at full speed for the door. He hits it and falls to the floor, holding his shoulder. Yvette thinks for a moment then comes up with an idea.)
Yvette: I know! I have it!
(Colonel Mustard and Miss Scarlet are still yelling to be let out.)
Mrs. Peacock: Will you shut up?
(Yvette grabs the revolver from the open cupboard.)
Mrs. Peacock: (os) We're doing our best!
(Yvette runs out of the study and trips over the still-sprawled Wadsworth. The gun goes off and hits the rope of the chandelier. Mr. Green and Professor Plum hit the floor. The chandelier starts spinning. Mrs. Peacock and Mrs. White run into each other.)
(Colonel Mustard and Miss Scarlet are crouched down.)
Colonel Mustard: They're shooting at us.
(The chandelier rope continues to give, unbeknownst to everyone. Yvette regains her balance and aims at the Lounge lock. Professor Plum and Mr. Green, who had started to get up, hit the floor again. Yvette fires twice. Both shots hit the door lock.)
(Colonel Mustard turns away from the door, holding his shoulder.)
Colonel Mustard: I've been shot!
Colonel Mustard: (os) I've been shot!
Yvette: Come out! The door is open!
(She lowers the gun, so it is carelessly pointing in the direction of Professor Plum and Mr. Green. They scramble out of the way. The lounge door opens and Colonel Mustard and Miss Scarlet emerge.)
Colonel Mustard: (angrily, to Yvette) Why are you shooting that thing at us?
Yvette: To get you out.
(He shoves her out of the way.)
Colonel Mustard: You know, you could have killed us! I could've been killed!
(Shot of the chandelier, spinning ever more quickly. The rope is almost completely frayed.)
Colonel Mustard: I can't take any more scares.
(The rope snaps. The chandelier lands just two feet in back of Colonel Mustard. Colonel Mustard clutches his heart in shock. He collapses onto a love seat.)
Miss Scarlet: (pointing into the Lounge) But look!
(They all run into the room.)
Mrs. Peacock: (accusatory) Which one of you did it?
Miss Scarlet: We found him! Together!
Mrs. White: How did you get in?
Mr. Green: The door was locked.
Mrs. White: It's a great trick!
Miss Scarlet: There's a secret passageway from the conservatory.
Professor Plum: (to Yvette) Is that the same gun?
Mrs. Peacock: From the cupboard?
Professor Plum: But it was locked!
Yvette: No, it was unlocked!
Mr. Green, Professor Plum, and Wadsworth: Unlocked?
Yvette: But, yes. See for yourself!
(The group all head quickly for the Study. Yvette tosses the gun under the broken chandelier.)
(The group all file into the room and see that the cupboard has been opened.)
Mrs. Peacock: How did you know it was unlocked? How did you know that you could get at the gun?
Yvette: I didn't. I think--I would brake it open but it was open already.
Mrs. Peacock: A likely story.
(The doorbell rings. The guests freezing in place.)
Miss Scarlet: Maybe they'll just go away.
(No one moves as they wait to see if the person will go away. Nothing happens for a few moments and then the doorbell rings again. They are all disappointed.)
Mr. Green: I'm going to open it.
Miss Scarlet: Why?!
Mr. Green: I have nothing to hide! I didn't do it! (holding his hand out to Wadsworth) The key.
(Wadsworth hands the key to Mr. Green.)
Mr. Green: Thank you.
(Mr. Green heads for the front door, followed by the rest of the party.)
(The Hall/Front Door)
(Mr. Green opens the door, revealing the Cop.)
Cop: Good evening, sir.
(Mr. Green shuts the door in the Cop's face.)
(The door reopens.)
Mr. Green: Yes?
Cop: I found an abandoned car down near the gates of this house. Did the driver come in here for any help, by any chance?
Everyone but Mr. Green: No.
Mr. Green: Well, actually, yes.
Everyone but Mr. Green: No!
Cop: There seems to be some kind of disagreement.
Everyone but Mr. Green: No, no.
Mr. Green: Yes.
Cop: Uh, can I come in and use your phone?
(Wadsworth steps to the front door.)
Wadsworth: Of course you may, sir. You may use the one in the, um, no . . . Uh, you could use the one in the st-- no . . .Would you be kind enough to wait in the um, in the, em, library?
(The Cop sees Yvette.)
Cop: (to Yvette) Don't I know you from someplace?
Cop: (to group) You all seem to be very anxious about something.
Wadsworth: It's the chandelier. It fell down. Almost killed us. Would you like to come this way, please, sir?
(Miss Scarlet closes the door to the study suddenly and attempts to look nonchalant. The Cop spins around at the sound. Professor Plum does the same to the lounge door. The Cop spins again.)
Wadsworth: Frightfully drafty, these old houses.
(Wadsworth leads the Cop into the Library.)
Wadsworth: Please help yourself to a drink, if you'd like.
(The Cop reaches for the cognac.)
Wadsworth: Not the cognac. Just in case.
(Wadsworth closes the door.)
Cop: Just in case of what?
(Wadsworth locks the door and turns to the others.)
Wadsworth: (whispering) What now?
(The Cop tries to open the door, but it is indeed locked.)
Mr. Green: We should have told him.
Mrs. Peacock: Oh, very well for you to say that now.
Mr. Green: (defensively) I said it then!
Others: Oh, shut up!
Wadsworth: (indicating the shattered chandelier) Let's clean this up.
(The Cop gives up trying to open the door and walks over to the phone. He reaches for it, but before he can pick it up it rings. He answers it.)
(No one moves.)
Wadsworth: Maybe the cop answered it…
Cop: And who shall I say is calling? (pauses) Ah…will you hold on, please?
(The Cop strides over to the library doors and pounds on them.)
Cop: Let me out of here! Let me out of here, you have no right to shut me in! I'll book you for false arrest, and wrongful imprisonment, and obstructing an officer in the course of his duty! And murder!
(The door opens. The guests all stand there with mild looks of shock on their faces.)
Wadsworth: What do you mean…"murder"?
Cop: I just said it so you'd open the door.
(The others all laugh a little nervously.)
Cop: What's going on around here? And why would you lock me in? And why are you receiving phone calls from J. Edgar Hoover?
Wadsworth: J. Edgar Hoover?
Cop: That's right. The head of the Federal Bureau of Investigation.
Colonel Mustard: Why is J. Edgar Hoover on your phone?
Wadsworth: I don't know. He's on everybody else's, why shouldn't he be on mine? Excuse me.
(Wadsworth enters the Library, takes the key out of the door, and then shuts it.)
Cop: What's going on here?
Miss Scarlet: We're having a party…
(The guests laugh a little nervously.)
Cop: Mind if I look around?
Miss Scarlet: Sure. You can show him around, Mr. Green!
Mr. Green: Me?
Miss Scarlet: Yes! Uh, you can show him the…dining room…the kitchen…the ball room…
Mr. Green: (stiffly) Fine. Fine. Officer, um, come with me. I'll show you the…dining room, or the kitchen, or the ballroom.
(The Cop raises the metal partition and looks into the kitchen.)
Miss Scarlet: (to Mrs. White, Mrs. Peacock, and Colonel Mustard.) Make it look convincing.
Mr. Green: So! This is the dining room.
Cop: No kidding.
Miss Scarlet: Come on…
Cop: What's going on in those two rooms?
Mr. Green: Uh . . . which two rooms?
(The Cop pushes past him.)
(Miss Scarlet and Professor Plum dash across the Hall and into the Lounge. They just make it in when the Cop comes out of the ding room and points at the Lounge and the Study.)
Cop: Those two rooms.
Mr. Green: Oh, those two rooms…
(When Mr. Green can't respond the Cop strides toward the study door. Mr. Green blocks the Cop's path.)
Mr. Green: Officer, I don't think you should go in there.
Cop: Why not?
Mr. Green: Uh…
(The Cop dodges around Mr. Green. But Mr. Green quickly blocks the door with his body.)
Mr. Green: Because it's . . . all too shocking!
(The Cop moves Mr. Green aside.)
(Music can be heard in the background. Mrs. White is on a couch on top of Mr. Boddy, using her hand to move his arm against her and pretending to kiss him. The Cop looks to the far wall and sees Colonel Mustard and Mrs. Ho apparently kissing against the far wall, in a curtain. The camera reveals that Mrs. Peacock is behind the curtain. Her hands are on Colonel Mustard's back, and Mrs. Ho is propped up between them.)
Cop: (to Mr. Green) It's not all that shocking. These folks are just having a good time.
(The Cop leaves to the hall. Mr. Green looks shocked.)
(Miss Scarlet pours a drink into the Motorist's mouth. The Motorist is propped up in a chair, drink in hand.)
(Col. Mustard and Mrs. Peacock roll Mrs. Ho on to the couch.)
Mrs. Peacock: Oh, my God…
(Just before the Cop enters, Professor Plum takes Miss Scarlet on to the couch and begins kissing her. She goes along with it just as the Cop enters the room.)
Cop: Excuse me?
(Miss Scarlet and Professor Plum quickly untangle themselves from the couch. The Cop notices the Motorist. He leans into the dead man's face and sniffs.)
Cop: (to Plum and Scarlet) This man's drunk. Dead drunk.
Miss Scarlet: Dead right.
Cop: (louder, to Motorist) You're not going to drive home, are you?
Professor Plum: He won't be driving home, officer! I promise you that!
Miss Scarlet: Yeah…
Cop: Somebody will give him a lift, huh?
Miss Scarlet: Oh, we'll . . . we'll . . . get him a car.
Professor Plum: A long black car.
Miss Scarlet: (quickly) A limousine.
(Professor Plum again lowers Miss Scarlet to the couch. She gives off a squeal of surprise.)
(The Cop and Mr. Green enter the hall just as Wadsworth comes out of the Library.)
Cop: You're too late--I've seen it all.
Wadsworth: You have? (pause) I can explain everything.
Cop: You don't have to.
Wadsworth: I don't?
Cop: Don't worry! There's nothing illegal about any of this.
Wadsworth: (confused, glances at Mr. Green) Are you sure?
Cop: Of course! This is America.
Wadsworth: I see…
Cop: (clapping Wadsworth on the shoulder) It's a free country, don't you know that?
Wadsworth: (still doesn't understand) I didn't know it was THAT free.
(The Cop glances back at Mr. Green, who fakes a huge grin.)
Cop: (to Wadsworth) May I use your phone now?
(Wadsworth leads the Cop to the library once again, and locks it. The guests all come out of their respective rooms.)
Mr. Green: Why did you lock him in again?
Wadsworth: (whispering) We haven't finished searching the house, yet.
Professor Plum: (whispering) Well, we're running out of time. Only fifteen minutes before the police come.
Mr. Green: (whispering fiercely) The police already came!
Others: (whispering fiercely) Shut up!!
Wadsworth: Let's get on with it!
Yvette: (to Mr. Green) Monsieur?
(The guests again split up into pairs again to continue searching the house. The music continues to play.)
(Miss Scarlet and Colonel Mustard walk in. They look around a bit. Colonel Mustard opens a small door, and an ironing board swings down and hits him on the head. Miss Scarlet is poking around in the freezer. She grabs one of the meat hooks and it moves. It opens another secret passage. She cries out in surprise.)
Miss Scarlet: Look! I can't believe it. I wonder where this one goes.
Colonel Mustard: Well, let's find out.
Miss Scarlet: All right.
(They step in.)
(Colonel Mustard and Miss Scarlet swing aside a large painting and enter the room from the secret passage. They shrug.)
Colonel Mustard: Let's try the ball room again.
(Mr. Green and Yvette are looking around in the attic.)
(The camera reveals a gloved hand pulling a lever down. All electricity is shut off. The lights go out instantly, and the music stops.)
(Basement Boiler Room)
(Mrs. Peacock is stumbling around in the dark. She bumps into something and thinks that it's Professor Plum. She hits at it with her purse.)
Mrs. Peacock: Ahh! Don't you touch me!
(Professor Plum can hear this from where he's standing a few feet away.)
(Second Floor - Master Bedroom)
(A gust of wind blows in, shutting a door. Wadsworth jumps and yells in fright.)
(Second Floor - Bedroom)
(Mrs. White screams.)
(Yvette comes down the stairs very quietly. Mrs. White can still be heard screaming.)
(The Cop is on the phone.)
Cop: Hello? Hello?
(Yvette enters quietly. An off-screen voice can be heard. You can't tell whether it's male or female.)
Voice: Shut the door. Did anyone recognize you?
(Yvette loses her French accent.)
Yvette: They must have. And not just my face. They know every inch of my body. And they're not the only ones.
(A noose is thrown around Yvette's neck.)
Yvette: (gasping) It's you!
(The Cop is still on the phone.)
Cop: (into phone) There's something funny going on around here. I don't know what it is…
(The camera reveals the door handle being silently opened.)
Cop: No, I'm not on duty. But I have a feeling that I'm in danger. You know that big, ugly house on top--
(The lead pipe comes down softly on the phone cradle, cutting the connection off. We can see the pipe being raised behind the Cop's head.)
Cop: Hello? Hello? Are you there?
(The pipe comes down on the Cop and he slumps over the table.)
(The doorbell is ringing.)
(Shots of all the guests faces as they hear the doorbell.)
(The Hall, Front Door)
(The front door opens.)
(A young woman is outside. She is dressed in a uniform, and strikes a pose as the door opens.)
Singing Telegram Girl: (singing) I am your singing telegram--
(The gun fires.)
(She falls to the ground dead and the door slams shut.)
(Mr. Green, trying to get out, opens a closet. Its contents fall on him.)
(Second Floor - Bedroom)
(A jack-in-the-box springs open, scaring Mrs. White. She screams.)
(Second Floor - Master Bedroom)
(Mrs. White's yells can be heard.)
Wadsworth: (yelling) Shouting! I'm coming! I'm just trying to find the door!
(Wadsworth enters another part of the Master bedroom.)
(He grasps a handle.)
Wadsworth: What's this? Another door?
(He twists the handle, starting the shower.)
(A very wet Wadsworth sloshes down the steps. He goes to the entrance to the cellar and pulls up the lever, restoring electricity to Hill House.)
(The record player starts again.)
(The guests, minus Yvette, slowly reassembles in the Hall. The song ends.)
(The guests look in from the Hall and see Yvette sprawled across the pool table, with the noose still around her neck. The turn around and walk off.)
(The guests look and in and they see the Cop slumped over the table. Still no one says anything. Finally Mr. Green speaks up.)
Mr. Green: Two murders.
(Professor Plum enters the library and picks up the lead pipe.)
Professor Plum: Neither of them shot. I thought I heard a gun.
Mrs. White: I did.
Mrs. Peacock: So did I.
Miss Scarlet: I thought I heard the front door slam!
Colonel Mustard: Oh, God. The murderer must have run out.
(The guests run toward the front door.)
(The Hall/Front Door)
(The guests open the front door and look down to see the body of the singing telegram girl. She's been shot.)
Wadsworth: Three murders.
Mr. Green: Six, all together.
Wadsworth: This is getting serious.
(They close the door and lock it.)
Wadsworth: No gun. Yvette dropped it here. Very well, I know who did it.
Others: (incredulously) You do?
Wadsworth: And furthermore, I'm going to tell you how it was all done. Follow me.
(He walks to the Library. The guests follow.)
Wadsworth: In order to help you understand what happened, I shall need to take you through the events of the evening, step by step. At the start of the evening, Yvette was here, by herself, waiting to offer you all a glass of champagne. I was in the Hall. (pauses) I know, because I was there. Then, I hurried across to the kitchen.
(He waves for the guests to follow him.)
(Wadsworth runs into the kitchen, the guests follow.)
Wadsworth: And the cook was in here, alive, sharpening knives, preparing for dinner. And then…(he runs out into the Hall.)
(Wadsworth runs up to the Front Door. The guests follow him. He proceeds to act out the events of the evening.)
Wadsworth: And the doorbell rang…(to Colonel Mustard) And it was you!
Colonel Mustard: Yes.
Wadsworth: (without taking a breath.) I asked you for your coat, and I recognized you as Colonel Mustard and I prevented you from telling your real name because I didn't want any of you to use any name other than your pseudonym and I introduced myself to you as a butler and I ran across the Hall to the library!
(He does so, with the confused guests following suit.)
(Wadsworth imitates everything he describes.)
Wadsworth: And then Yvette met you…and smiled…(he smiles)…and poured you a drink.
(He runs for the Hall.)
(Wadsworth heads for the front door, while the guests merely step into the Hall from the Library.)
Wadsworth: (still breathless) And the doorbell rang! And it was Mrs. White, looking pale and tragic, and I took her coat, and we went off to the Library!
(He runs back to the Library where the guests quickly step back in.)
Wadsworth: And I introduced to Colonel Mustard. (imitating them) Hello. Hello. And I noticed that Mrs. White and Yvette flinched! Then there was a rumble of thunder, and a crash of lightning. And, to make a long story short…
Others: Too late.
Wadsworth: …one by one, you all arrived.
(Wadsworth runs out into the Hall.)
(Wadsworth grabs the gong mallet.)
Wadsworth: And then the gong was struck by the cook!
(He strikes the gong.)
Wadsworth: And we went into the dining room!
(The Dining Room)
(Wadsworth goes around the table pointing out where each guest sat during dinner.)
Wadsworth: And Mrs. Peacock sat here, and Professor Plum sat here…(acts like he's slurping soup) and Mrs. White sat here…(again acts like he's slurping soup) and Mr. Green, Miss Scarlet, Colonel Mustard. This chair (indicates the head) was vacant. Anyway, we all revealed we'd all received a letter. (points at various chairs) And you'd had a letter, and you'd had a letter, and you'd had a letter…
Others: Get on with it!!
Wadsworth: The point is…blackmail!
Mr. Green: But all this came out after dinner--in the study!
Wadsworth: You're right!
(He heads into the Hall.)
(The group runs across the Hall to the Study.)
(Wadsworth works his way around the room, pointing at different spots as he speaks.)
Wadsworth: Mr. Green stood here, and Mrs. Peacock here, and Miss Scarlet here, and Professor Plum here, and Colonel Mustard, and Mrs. White, and…
Others: Get on with it!!!
Wadsworth: I'm getting there, I'm getting there!! And Mr. Boddy went to get his surprise packages from the Hall. And you all opened your presents, (he shuts the door) And Mr. Boddy switched out the lights!
(Wadsworth turns off the lights.)
(There is a brief pause and then they all begin screaming. The lights come back on, thanks to Mr. Green, and Wadsworth is lying on the floor with his eyes shut. He then opens his eyes.)
Wadsworth: Mr. Boddy lay on the floor, apparently dead.
Professor Plum: He was dead! I examined him!
Wadsworth: Then why was he bashed on the head a few minutes later with a candlestick if he was dead already?
Professor Plum: All right, I made a mistake!
Wadsworth: Right! But if so, why was Mr. Boddy pretending to be dead? (more quietly) It could only be because he realized his scheme had misfired, and the gunshot was intended to kill him, not me. Look. (points at blood on one of Mr. Boddy's ear lobes) The bullet grazed his ear. Clearly his best way of escaping death was to pretend to be dead already.
Professor Plum: So whoever grabbed the gun from me in the dark was trying to kill HIM!
Wadsworth: But remember what happened next. (he goes to the table by the door and picks up a glass.) Mrs. Peacock took a drink. (points at Prof. Plum) You said, "Maybe it's poisoned!" She screams!
(Wadsworth screams in a high woman-type voice. He grabs Mrs. Peacock and moves her over to the couch. She begins screaming too. Wadsworth sits her down on the couch.)
Wadsworth: Mr. Green…(Wadsworth slaps Mrs. Peacock)(he imitates Mr. Green) Well…I had to stop her screaming. (back to himself) Then, more screaming. Yvette! The billiard room! We all rushed out!
(They all run to the Billiard Room)
(The Billiard Room)
(Wadsworth enters and perches against the pool table. The others all huddle around the door.)
Wadsworth: But one of us wasn't here. (very British accent) No.
Others: (imitating him) No?
Wadsworth: (responding in kind) No. Maybe one of us was murdering the cook. Who wasn't here with us?
(The guests pause to think about it.)
Mr. Green: Do you know?
Wadsworth: I do. (continues at his breathless rate) While we stood here, trying to stop Yvette from panicking…
(He runs to the study)
Wadsworth: …one of us could have stayed in the study, picked up the dagger…(he picks up the dagger.)
(Wadsworth runs down the hall headed for the kitchen.)
Wadsworth: …run down the Hall…
Wadsworth: …and stabbed the cook.
(He plunges the dagger into a piece of meat. The others gather in the doorway.)
Mrs. Peacock: Oh, how could he risk it? We might have seen him running back.
(Wadsworth goes over to the freezer and shows them the opening of the secret passage.)
Wadsworth: Not if they used this secret passage.
(Mrs. Peacock gasps.)
Wadsworth: And the murderer ran back down the secret passage to the study.
(Wadsworth runs out into the hall.)
(Wadsworth heads for the Study)
Mrs. White: (yelling) Is that where it comes out?
Wadsworth: (yelling back) Yes! Look!
(Wadsworth pushes open the picture.)
Mr. Green: Wha…?
Colonel Mustard: How did you know?
Wadsworth: This house belongs to a friend of mine. I've known all along.
Mr. Green: So you could be the murderer.
Wadsworth: (laughing) Don't be ridiculous. If I was the murderer, why would I reveal to you how I did it?
(The guests nod.)
Mr. Green: Well…who else knew about the secret passage?
Miss Scarlet: (hits Mustard) We found it. Colonel Mustard and me.
Colonel Mustard: You found it. You could have known about it all the time.
Miss Scarlet: But I didn't!
Mrs. Peacock: Well, why should we believe you?
Wadsworth: Because she was with us all in the billiard room doorway while Yvette was screaming, don't you remember?
Mrs. Peacock: What I don't understand is, why was the cook murdered? She had nothing to do with Mr. Boddy.
Wadsworth: Of course she did. (conspiratorially) I gathered you all here together because you were all implicated in Mr. Boddy's dastardly blackmail. Did none of you deduce that the others were involved, too?
Mrs. White: What others?
Wadsworth: The cook. And Yvette?
Wadsworth: That's how he got all his information. Before he could blackmail anyone, Mr. Boddy had to discover their guilty secret. The cook and Yvette were his accomplices!
Colonel Mustard: (brightly)I see!(very slowly, like he's thinking it out as he talks) So, whoever knew that the cook was involved killed her?
(Colonel Mustard looks very pleased with himself.)
Wadsworth: I know, because I was Mr. Boddy's butler, that the cook had worked for one of you.
(The guests ask who it was.)
Wadsworth: (to Mrs. White) You recognized Yvette, didn't you? Don't deny it.
Mrs. White: What do you mean, "don't deny it"? I'm not denying anything.
Wadsworth: Another denial!
(Mrs. White sticks her tongue out at Wadsworth.)
Mrs. White: All right, it's true. I knew Yvette. My husband had an affair with her, but I didn't care. I wasn't jealous.
Wadsworth: (to Miss Scarlet) You knew Yvette, too, didn't you?
Miss Scarlet: Yes. She worked for me.
Wadsworth: (to Col. Mustard) And you also knew her, sir. We've already established that you were one of Miss Scarlet's clients. That's why you were so desperate to get your hands on those negatives. Photographs of you and Yvette in flagrante delicto, remember?
Colonel Mustard: Mr. Boddy threatened to send those pictures to my dear old mother. The shock would have killed her!
Mrs. White: Ha. That would have been quite an achievement since you told us that she's dead already. (to Wadsworth) So, he had the motive.
Wadsworth: You all had a motive.
Colonel Mustard: But where and when was Mr. Boddy killed?
Wadsworth: Don't you see? (he grabs Mr. Green) Look, we came back to the study with Yvette. Mr. Boddy was on the floor…(Wadsworth trips Mr. Green making him fall to the floor like he was Mr. Boddy.) …pretending to be dead. But one of us noticed he's alive. So. I explained that I was Mr. Boddy's butler, and I'd invited you here, and we realized there was only one other person in the house.
Others: The cook!
(The others run out into the Hall, Wadsworth takes the secret passage.)
(Everyone runs up the Hall to the kitchen.)
(The guests all run into the kitchen. Mr. Green goes over to the freezer. He turns to say something to Wadsworth only Wadsworth isn't there.)
Mr. Green: Well, where is he?
(The freezer door opens like it did before, Miss Scarlet screams like she did before. Wadsworth falls out of the freezer like he's dead. Mr. Green catches him, then, getting tired of all this, he drops Wadsworth to the ground. Wadsworth opens his eyes.)
Wadsworth: By now, she was dead. We laid her down with our backs to the freezer. One of us slipped through the same secret passage…
Mrs. Peacock: Again?
Wadsworth: Of course! Back to the study!
(They all run out.)
(Wadsworth acts as if he had just entered the study from the secret passage.)
Wadsworth: The murderer was in the secret passage. Meanwhile, Mr. Boddy…(Wadsworth trips Mr. Green to the floor again) …had been on the floor. He jumped up…(the butler picks up Mr. Green, then lets him fall again)…the murderer came out of the secret panel, picked up the candlestick…
(Wadsworth goes after Mr. Green like he has the candlestick in his hand. Mr. Green heads for the Hall.)
(Wadsworth follows Mr. Green up the Hall towards the Bathroom.)
Wadsworth: Mr. Boddy followed us out of the study into the Hall, looking for an escape. The murderer crept up behind him and . . . killed him!!
(Wadsworth brings his hand down upon Mr. Green's head. Mr. Green falls.)
Mr. Green: Will you stop that!!
(Wadsworth grabs Mr. Green and proceeds to the bathroom.)
Wadsworth: Then he threw him into the toilet! (throws Mr. Green into the Bathroom.)
Mr. Green: No!
(Wadsworth leans against the bathroom door frame, pretending to check a watch.)
Wadsworth: And nonchalantly rejoined us beside the cook's body in the kitchen. It took less than half a minute.
Colonel Mustard: So who wasn't there the entire time in the kitchen?
Wadsworth: Whoever it was, is the murderer!
(Wadsworth heads back to the Study. The bathroom door opens and Mr. Green comes out drying his hands on a towel. We can hear the toilet flush in the background. Mr. Green hands the towel to Colonel Mustard.)
(Wadsworth runs in.)
Wadsworth: And we put the weapons in the cupboard, locked it, and ran to the front door…
(He runs out again, almost colliding with the others that have just caught up.)
(Wadsworth opens the front door and makes as if throwing the key away.)
Wadsworth: To throw away the key! (pauses) The motorist! I didn't throw the key away--I put it in my pocket. And someone could have taken it out of my pocket and substituted another!
Professor Plum: We were all in a huddle. Any one of us could have done that!
(He slams the front door.)
Mr. Green: Wait a minute, Colonel Mustard has a top-secret Pentagon job. Mrs. White's husband is a nuclear physicist, and… (runs to the billiard room and points in)…Yvette is a link between them.Professor Plum: (to Col. Mustard) What is your top-secret job, Colonel?
Wadsworth: I can tell you. He's working on the secret of the next fusion bomb.
(Mrs. White gasps.)
Colonel Mustard: How did you know that?
Wadsworth: (to Mustard) Can you keep a secret?
Colonel Mustard: (leaning in) Yes.
Wadsworth: So can I.
Mrs. Peacock: Is this a plot between them, Wadsworth, or did Colonel Mustard do it alone?
Wadsworth: We shall see. Let's look at the other murders.
Professor Plum: Yes. Bad luck that that motorist arrived at that moment.
Wadsworth: (amused) It wasn't luck--I invited him.
Miss Scarlet, Mrs. Peacock, & Mrs. White: You did?!
Wadsworth: Of course. It's obvious. Everyone here tonight was either Mr. Boddy's victim or accomplice. Everyone who has died gave him vital information about one of you. I got them here so they'd give evidence against him and force him to confess.
Miss Scarlet: Oh, yeah? What about that motorist? What kind of information did he have?
Colonel Mustard: He was my driver during the war.
(Colonel Mustard sits in a chair.)
Wadsworth: And what was he holding over you?
Colonel Mustard: He knew that I was a war profiteer. (pauses) I stole essential Air Force radio parts, and I sold them on the black market. That is how I made all my money. But that does not make me a murderer!
Mrs. Peacock: Well, a lot of our airmen died because their radios didn't work! Was the policeman working for Mr. Boddy, too?
Miss Scarlet: The cop was from Washington. He was on my payroll. I bribed him once a week so I could carry on with business. Mr. Boddy found out somehow…
Mrs. Peacock: (revolted) Oh, my God…
Miss Scarlet: (annoyed) Oh, please.
Mr. Green: And the singing telegram girl?
(It has stopped raining. They open the front door and look at the dead singing telegram girl.)
Professor Plum: (quietly) She was my patient once. I had an affair with her. That's how I lost my license. Mr. Boddy found that out, too.
Wadsworth: Well…(claps hands together) Let's put her in the study with the others.
(The men simply drop the girls body onto the floor.)
Wadsworth: So. Now you all know why they died. Whoever killed Mr. Boddy also wanted his accomplices dead.
Professor Plum: How did the murderer know about them all? I mean, I admit that I had guessed that this young singer informed on me to Mr. Boddy…but I didn't know anything about any of you until this evening.
Wadsworth: First, the murder needed to get the weapons. Easy. He stole the key from my pocket. And then we all followed Colonel Mustard's suggestion that we split up and search the house.
Mrs. Peacock: That's right, it was Colonel Mustard's suggestion!
Wadsworth: And one of us got away from his or her partner and hurried to the study. On the desk was the envelope from Mr. Boddy. It contained photographs and letters--the evidence of Mr. Boddy's network of informants.
Mrs. White: Where is the envelope now?
Wadsworth: Gone. Destroyed. (looks around, then steps to the fireplace) Perhaps in the fire… (throws aside the grate) The only possible place. (pulls out the remnants of the tape made earlier) Ah hah! Then, having found out the whole story, the murderer went to the cupboard, unlocked it with the key, took out the wrench…
Miss Scarlet: (interrupts, running out into the Hall.) Then we found the secret passage from the conservatory to the lounge…where we found the motorist dead!
Wadsworth: That's right! And we couldn't get in. So Yvette rain to the open cupboard, and shot the door open. (acts like he has a gun and aims it at the door) BANG! And then, the doorbell rang!
(The doorbell rings.)
(Everyone freezes in panic.)
Mrs. Peacock: Oh, whoever it is, they gotta go away, or they'll be killed! Ohhh!
(Mrs. Peacock opens the front door. An upper middle aged Evangelist stands on the porch, pamphlets in hand.)
Evangelist: (kindly) Good evening. Have you ever given any thought to the kingdom of heaven?
Mrs. Peacock: (stunned) What?
Evangelist: Repent. The kingdom of heaven IS at hand.
Miss Scarlet: You ain't just whistlin' Dixie.
Evangelist: Armageddon is almost upon us.
Professor Plum: I've got news for you it's already here!
(Mrs. Peacock goes to shut the door on the Evangelist.)
Mrs. Peacock: Go away!
Evangelist: But your souls are in danger!
Mrs. Peacock: Our lives our in danger, you beatnik!
(She shuts the door on him, closing several of his pamphlets inside.)
Wadsworth: (continuing as if nothing had happened) The cop arrived next, we locked him in the library. We forgot the cupboard with the weapons was now unlocked, then we split up again, and the murderer switched off the electricity!
(He turns of the electricity. Everything goes dark.)
Mr. Green: Oh, my God.
Mrs. Peacock: Not again.
Miss Scarlet: (annoyed) Turn on the lights!!!
(Wadsworth turns on the lights.)
Wadsworth: Sorry. Didn't mean to frighten you.
Mr. Green: You're a bit late for that! (to White) I hate it when he does that!
Wadsworth: Then there were three more murders.
Mrs. White: So which of us killed them?
Wadsworth: None of us killed Mr. Boddy, or the cook.
Mr. Green and Mrs. White: So who did?
Wadsworth: The one person who wasn't with us.
(They all figure it out at the same time.)
Wadsworth: She was in the billiard room, listening to our conversation.
(Flashback of Yvette sitting in the Billiard Room. The following events are shown as Wadsworth describes what happened.)
Wadsworth: (vo) She heard the gunshot. She thought he was dead. And while we all examined the bullet hole, she crept into the study, picked up the dagger, ran to the kitchen, and stabbed the cook.
(Yvette stabs Mrs. Ho in the back.)
Wadsworth: (vo) We didn't hear the cook scream because Mrs. Peacock was screaming about the poisoned brandy. The, Yvette returned to the billiard room. She screamed, and we all ran to her.
(The Hall, Present Time)
Colonel Mustard: Well, when did she kill Mr. Boddy?
Wadsworth: When I said. We all ran to the kitchen to see the cook. Yvette hid in the study to check that Mr. Boddy was dead.
(Flashback of Yvette hiding behind a chair in the lounge. The following events are shown as Wadsworth describes them.)
Wadsworth: (vo) He got up, and followed them down the hall, so she hit him on the head with a candlestick, and dragged him to the toilet.
(The Hall, Present Time)
Miss Scarlet: Why?
Wadsworth: To create confusion!
Mrs. Peacock: It worked.
(Colonel Mustard nods in agreement.)
Professor Plum: Why did she do it?
Wadsworth: Was it because she was acting under orders? From the person who later killed her.
Professor Plum: Who?!
Mrs. Peacock: Who?!
Miss Scarlet: Who?!
Wadsworth: Was it one of her clients? (turns to Col. Mustard) Or was it a jealous wife? (turns to Mrs. White) Or an adulterous doctor? (turns to Prof. Plum) No. It was her employer, Miss Scarlet.
Miss Scarlet: That's a lie!!
Wadsworth: Is it? You used her, the way you always used her. You killed the motorist when we split up to search the house.
Miss Scarlet: How could I have known about the secret passage?
Wadsworth: Easy. Yvette told you. So when we split up again…
(Flashback of the events as Wadsworth tells them what happened.)
(Miss Scarlet, wearing the black glove, turns off the electricity.)
Wadsworth: (vo) …you switched off the electricity. It was easy for you, here on the ground floor. Then, in the dark, you got the lead pipe and the rope, strangled Yvette, ran to the library, killed the cop, picked up the gun where Yvette dropped it, opened the front door, recognized the singing telegram from her photograph, and shot her.
(The Hall, Present Time)
Miss Scarlet: You've no proof.
Wadsworth: The gun is missing. Gentlemen, turn out your pockets. Ladies, empty your purses. Whoever has the gun is the murderer.
(They all do so. Suddenly, Miss Scarlet pulls the gun out of her purse. She points it at Wadsworth.)
Miss Scarlet: Brilliantly worked out, Wadsworth. I congratulate you.
(He shrugs. Miss Scarlet slowly starts making her way to the front door.)
Colonel Mustard: (very impressed) Me too!
Miss Scarlet: (to Mustard) Shut up!!
Mr. Green: Now, there's one thing I don't understand.
Professor Plum: ONE thing?
Mr. Green: Why did you do it? Half of Washington knows what kind of business you run. You were in no real danger. The whole town would be implicated if you were exposed.
Miss Scarlet: I don't think they know my real business. My business is secrets. Yvette found them out for me. The secrets of Senator Peacock's defense committee, of Colonel Mustard's fusion bomb, Professor Plum's U.N. contacts, and the work of your husband, (walks to Mrs. White) the nuclear physicist.
Mr. Green: So. It IS political. You're a communist!
Miss Scarlet: No, Mr. Green. Communism is just a red herring. Like all members of the oldest profession, I'm a capitalist. And I'm gonna sell my secrets, your secrets, to the highest bidder.
Colonel Mustard: And what if we don't cooperate?
Miss Scarlet: You will. Or I'll expose you.
Professor Plum: We could expose you. Six murders?
Miss Scarlet: I hardly think it will enhance your reputation at the U.N., Professor Plum, if it's revealed that you have been implicated not only in adultery with one of your patients, but in her death. (she lowers the revolver at him) And the deaths of five other people!
Professor Plum: You don't know what kind of people they have at the U.N. I might go up in their estimation.
(Colonel Mustard starts toward Miss Scarlet. She brings the revolver around to face him.)
Colonel Mustard: It is no good blackmailing me, madam. I have no more money!
Others: Neither do I.
Miss Scarlet: (to Mustard) I know, sweetie pie. But you can pay me in government information. (she waves the revolver around) All of you.
(She pauses, then walks to Wadsworth. She points the revolver at him.)
Miss Scarlet: Except you, Wadsworth. You, as a mere butler, have no access to government secrets. (she cocks the gun) So I'm afraid your moment has come.
Wadsworth: No so fast, Miss Scarlet. I do have a secret or two.
Miss Scarlet: Oh yeah? Such as?
Wadsworth: The games up, Scarlet. There are no more bullets left in that gun.
Miss Scarlet: Oh, come on, you don't think I'm gonna fall for that old trick?
Wadsworth: It's not a trick. There was one shot at Mr. Boddy in the study. Two for the chandelier, two at the lounge door, and one for the singing telegram.
Miss Scarlet: That's not six.
Wadsworth: One plus two plus two plus one.
Miss Scarlet: Uh, uh. There was only one shot that got the chandelier. That's one plus two plus ONE plus one.
Wadsworth: Even if you are right, that would be one plus one plus two plus one, not one plus TWO plus one plus one.
Miss Scarlet: (thinking) Okay, fine. One plus two plus one…(angry) Shut up! Point is, there's one bullet left in this gun, and guess who's going to get it?
(The doorbell rings, and it distracts Miss Scarlet. Wadsworth grabs her and gets the gun from her. Mr. Green runs to the door and opens it. A bunch of cops run in. Mr. Green cowers by the closet door.)
Colonel Mustard: (hands held up, smiling) I'm only a guest!
Wadsworth: (Holding Scarlet) Where's the chief?
(The Evangelist (the Chief) walks in, gun in hand.)
Chief: Ah, Wadsworth, well done. (to Scarlet) I did warn you, my dear. Mr. Hoover is an expert on Armageddon.
(Scarlet is pulled to her feet.)
Miss Scarlet: (to Wadsworth) Wadsworth, don't hate me for trying to shoot you.
Wadsworth: Frankly, Scarlet, I don't give a damn. As I was trying to tell you, there are no bullets left in this gun. You see?
(He pulls the trigger, firing the sixth bullet through the rope of the second chandelier. Wadsworth is surprised that there was indeed one bullet left in the gun. Miss Scarlet grins, and shrugs.)
Wadsworth: (quietly) One plus two… plus one…
Colonel Mustard: (counting on his fingers) …plus two, plus one… is…
(The second chandelier crashes to the floor behind him.)
(A card, saying "THAT"S WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED." Another card, "BUT HOW ABOUT THIS?")
(Wadsworth has just turned on the lights, like at the beginning of ending A.)
Wadsworth: (breathless) In the dark, the murderer ran across the hall to the study, picked up the rope, and the lead pipe. Ran to the billiard room. Strangled Yvette . . . (he demonstrates on Mr. White) . . . ran to library, hit the cop on the head with the lead pipe. Then, coming out of the library, the doorbell rang--it was the singing telegram. The murderer picked up the gun where Yvette dropped it, ran to the door, opened it, recognized the girl from her picture, shot her, and ran back to the cellar!
Others: The cellar!
Mrs. Peacock: But Colonel Mustard wasn't in the cellar.
Wadsworth: No. But you were.
Mrs. Peacock: So.
Wadsworth: You murdered them all. You were the person who was missing when the cook and Mr. Boddy were murdered. And the cook used to be your cook! Don't you remember your fatal mistake? You told us at dinner that we were eating one of your favorite recipes. And monkey's brains, though popular in Cantonese cuisine, are not often found in Washington, D.C.
Mr. Green: Is that what we ate?
(He covers his mouth and runs for the bathroom.)
Mrs. Peacock: Why would I have murdered all of the others?
Wadsworth: Obviously, in case Mr. Boddy had told them about you.
Professor Plum: So it has all nothing to do with the disappearing nuclear physicist and Colonel Mustard's work on the new fusion bomb.
Wadsworth: (grinning) No. Communism was just a red herring. Mrs. Peacock did it all.
Mrs. Peacock: There's no proof.
Wadsworth: Well. The gun is missing. Gentlemen, turn out your pockets. Ladies, empty your purses.(the camera reveals Miss Scarlet's empty purse) Whoever has the gun, is the murderer.
(Mrs. Peacock opens her purse and pulls out the gun, pointing it at the butler.)
Mrs. Peacock: Very well. (pause) What do you propose to do about it?
(She makes her way to the front door.)
Mrs. Peacock: Nothing.
Wadsworth: Nothing at all. I don't approve of murder. But it seems to me that you've done the world a service by ridding it of an appalling blackmailer and his disgusting informers.
Mr. Green: But the police will be here any minute. What happens then?
Wadsworth: Why should the police come? Nobody's called them.
(Everyone is shocked.)
Mrs. Peacock: You mean…
Wadsworth: (smiling) That's right. Now, I suggest that we stack the bodies in the cellar, lock it, leave quietly, one at a time, and pretend than none of this has ever happened.
Mrs. Peacock: Great idea! I'll leave first…if you don't mind.
(Mrs. Peacock uses the gun to wave the other guests into a group.)
Wadsworth: Be my guest. In fact, I think we all owe you a vote of thanks. (he starts singing) "For she's a jolly good fellow, for she's a jolly good fellow…"
(The rest of the guests start to sing as well. Mrs. Peacock leaves. As soon as she shuts the front door the guests all stop singing.)
Mr. Green: (accusatory) I TOLD you I didn't DO it!
Colonel Mustard: But what if the authorities find out what happened?
Wadsworth: The F.B.I. will take care of that.
Colonel Mustard: You mean…
Wadsworth: My phone call from Mr. Hoover? I work for him, of course. How else could I have known everything about you all?
Colonel Mustard: There's still one thing I don't understand.
Mrs. White: ONE thing?
Colonel Mustard: Who was Mrs. Peacock taking bribes from?
Wadsworth: A foreign power. Her husband, the senator, has influence over defense contracts.
Professor Plum: Is there going to be a coverup?
Wadsworth: Isn't that in the public interest? What could be gained by exposure?
Professor Plum: But is the F.B.I. in the habit of cleaning up after multiple murder?
Wadsworth: Yes. Why do you think it's run by a man called "Hoover"?
(Hill House, Driveway)
(Mrs. Peacock has her keys out and is getting ready to get into her car. The evangelist steps out onto the driveway.)
Evangelist: Oh, Mrs. Peacock…
Mrs. Peacock: How did you know my name?
Evangelist: The kingdom of heaven IS at hand.
(He whips out a gun and points it at her. Floodlights come on and cops pour out of the yard.)
Evangelist (Chief): (os) Okay, take her away!
Mrs. Peacock: (os) Take your hands off me! I'm a senator's wife!
(The front door opens and the guests rush out onto the porch.)
Chief: Wadsworth, we got her.
Wadsworth: You see? Like the Mounties, we always get our man.
Mr. Green: Mrs. Peacock was a man?!
(Wadsworth slaps him, then Colonel Mustard does the same.)
Wadsworth: Would anyone care for fruit or desert?
(A card saying, "BUT HERE'S WHAT REALLY HAPPENED . . .")
(Ending C: The Hall)
(Wadsworth switches on the lights, like in the other two endings.)
Wadsworth: Sorry, didn't mean to frighten anyone.
Mr. Green: You're a bit late for that!!
Wadsworth: Then, there were three more murders.
Others: So who did it!?
(Wadsworth starts walking away.)
Wadsworth: Let's consider each murder one by one. Professor Plum, you knew that Mr. Boddy was still alive. Even psychiatrists can tell the difference between patients who are alive or dead. You fired the gun at him in the dark and missed, so you pretended he was dead. That's how you were able to kill him later, unobserved.
Miss Scarlet: That's right! He was the missing person in the kitchen after we found the cook dead!
Mr. Green: But he was with us in the billiard room when we found Yvette screaming. If that's when the cook was killed, how did he do it?
Professor Plum: I didn't!!
Mrs. Peacock: You don't expect us to believe that, do you?
Wadsworth: I expect you to believe it. You killed the cook. She used to be your cook, and she informed on you to Mr. Boddy.
(Wadsworth enters. The guests gather around the doorway.)
Wadsworth: You made one fatal mistake!
(He sits in the spot Mrs. Peacock occupied during dinner.)
Wadsworth: Sitting here, at dinner, Mrs. Peacock told us that she was eating one of her favorite recipes. (he stands slowly) And monkey's brains, though popular in Cantonese cuisine, are not often to be found in Washington, D.C.
(The party reenters the Hall from the dining room.)
Wadsworth: Colonel Mustard, when we saw the motorist at the front door…
(Flashback of the inside of their huddle when the Motorist arrived. The following events happen as Wadsworth describes them.)
Wadsworth: (vo) …you took the key to the weapons cupboard out of my pocket. Then you suggested that we all split up. You separated from Miss Scarlet, crossed the Hall, opened the cupboard, took the wrench, ran to the conservatory, entered the lounge through the secret passage, killed the motorist with a blow on the head.
(The Lounge, Present Time)
Wadsworth: (acting out the murder) Like that!
(He strides into the Hall.)
Mrs. White: (to Wadsworth) This is incredible!
Wadsworth: Not so incredible as what happened next!
(He starts up the stairs dragging Mrs. White with him. She stumbles after a few steps while he keeps on going.)
Wadsworth: After we all split up again, I went upstairs with you, yes, you, Mrs. White!
(Wadsworth stops on the landing.)
Wadsworth: And, while I was in the master bedroom…
(Flashback of Mrs. White hurrying downstairs.)
Wadsworth: (vo) You hurried downstairs and turned off the electricity, got the rope from the open cupboard, and throttled Yvette.
(The Hall, Present Time)
Wadsworth: (to Mrs. White) You WERE jealous that your husband was schtuping Yvette. That's why you killed him, too!
Mrs. White: Yes. (pause) Yes, I did it. I killed Yvette. I hated her SO much. I-It-It--flame-flames…on the side of my face…breathing…breathle--heaving breaths…heaving--
Wadsworth: (cutting her off) While you were in the billiard room…
(Flashback, the events occurring as Wadsworth describes them)
Wadsworth: (vo) Miss Scarlet seized the opportunity and, under cover of darkness, got to the library, where she hit the cop, whom she'd been bribing, on the head with the lead pipe!
(The Hall, Present Time)
Wadsworth: (to Miss Scarlet) True or false?
Miss Scarlet: (amazed) True! Who are you, Perry Mason?
Professor Plum: So it must have been Mr. Green who shot the singing telegram!
Mr. Green: I didn't do it!
Colonel Mustard: Well, there's nobody else left.
Mr. Green: But I didn't do it! (pauses, realizing something) The gun is missing! Whoever's got the gun, shot the girl!
(Wadsworth pulls the gun from his pocket.)
Wadsworth: I shot her.
All but Mr. Green: You?!
Mr. Green: (knowingly) So it was you. I was going to expose you.
Wadsworth: (to Mr. Green) I know. So I choose to expose myself.
Colonel Mustard: Please, there are ladies present!
Wadsworth: (to All) You thought Mr. Boddy was dead. But why? None of you even met him until tonight.
(Mr. Green figures it out.)
Mr. Green: You're Mr. Boddy!
(Wadsworth grins and starts to chuckle evilly.)
Professor Plum: Wait a minute! (he runs to the study door) So who did I kill?
Wadsworth: My butler.
Professor Plum: Shucks.
(Wadsworth motions for him to join the others with the gun.)
Wadsworth: He was expendable, like all of you. I'm grateful to you all for disposing of my network of spies and informers. Saved me a lot of trouble. Now there's no evidence against me.
Mrs. White: This all has nothing to do with my disappearing nuclear physicist husband or Colonel Mustard's work with the new top-secret fusion bomb.
Wadsworth: (laughing) No. Communism was just a red herring.
(Wadsworth runs to the front door, keeping the revolver trained on the party.)
Mr. Green: But, the police will be here any minute! You'll never get away with this, any of you!
Wadsworth: Why should the police come? Nobody's called them.
Mrs. Peacock: You mean…oh, my God, of course!
Wadsworth: So why shouldn't we get away with it? We'll stack the bodies in the cellar, lock it, leave quietly one at a time, and forget that any of this ever happened.
(Mr. Green takes off his glasses and starts to put them in his jacket's inside pocket.)
Mr. Green: And you'll just go on blackmailing us all.
Wadsworth: Of course. Why not?
Mr. Green: Well, I'll tell you why not.
(He whips a pistol from his jacket and fires.)
Wadsworth: (shocked) Good shot, Green.
(Wadsworth slides down the closet door to the floor. He looks at the blood flowing out of his chest.)
Wadsworth: Very good…
(Mr. Green stands fully, lowering the pistol. Mrs. White steps up to him. He points the pistol at her.)
Mrs. White: Are you a cop?
Mr. Green: No, I'm a plant.
Miss Scarlet: A plant? I thought men like you were usually called a "fruit."
Mr. Green: Very funny. (he pulls out a badge) F.B.I. That phone call from J. Edgar Hoover was for me.
(He steps up to the front door and grabs the handle.)
Mr. Green: I told you I didn't do it!
(He opens the front door. Cops pour in surrounding the group. The evangelist (the chief) follows them in.)
Chief: All right. Who done it?
(The guests all talk at once, trying to blame each other for all the murders. The cops can't figure out who did it so they keep pointing their guns at different people. Mr. Green shouts above the din.)
Mr. Green: They all did it! But if you want to know who killed Mr. Boddy, I did. In the Hall, with the revolver. Take 'em away, chief. I'm going to go home and sleep with my wife.
(The camera freezes as Mr. Green turns to leave and he and the chief grin.)