Confession





Xander took a deep breath and slid his plate away. "I have a confession to make," he said, his voice strong and resolved but his fingers twitching constantly with his keys.

Anya gave a shaky sigh. "I, um, also have..one of...those." She stood up, paced the length of the counter, turned, paced back and sat down before her face changed and her eyes squinted closely at Xander. "Wait, what do you mean?"




"It's all true," Buffy said. "I've been doing crazy, irrational, NOT me things. And I've probably hurt you in the process," Buffy began. Spike was holding himself so tense. If he moved he would break, shatter at her words. Buffy carefully sat up and moved up to him. She laid herself against his back and stroked her hands down his arms. "This spell got to me, Spike, it really did," She continued, "I mean, did you see what I did with Anya?!"

Spike almost laughed but it came out more of a choked smile. "Oh I saw," he rumbled knowingly.

"But that was Anya. I felt it change. With her. It sort of crested over me. I couldn't help myself for the longest time, wanting her, but then it was gone."




"It's like it's gone, over," Xander said, as he held a very loudly weeping Anya against his chest. "I couldn't help wanting her. But then poof."

Anya wailed louder at the word poof. "I'll bet you poofed! You poofed all over her, you son of a female dog! I'll show you poof! If I had my necklace, I'd wish, I'd wish, I'd wish....well, something awful! You see how bad I am, I can't even think of something awful enough to wish."

Xander took her face very gently in his hands, "An." She sucked in a breath, hyperventilating through her tears, "Shhh, shh, An, breathe, breathe," he murmured to her, wiping at her tear tracks with his thumbs. Once she had calmed he looked deep into her eyes. "I love you, Anya. Only you. Don't let spells, and all this crap come between us. You know how it is in Sunnydale. Don't let it hurt us. I would never have cheated on you if I was in my right head. I'm smarter than that," he smiled here and she gave a wet little laugh, "I know what you'd do to me."

"Men are pigs. Filthy evil pigs," Anya said weakly. She was looking into his big eyes and she could feel her love inside her chest like a living throbbing thing. she always wanted Xander. Even when she wanted Buffy a part of her wanted Xander. Crap. She'd forgotten about Buffy. She looked down guiltily.

"Are you willing to give this pig another chance?" Xander asked hopefully.

"Well first I have something to confess too," Anya said, and taking his hands in hers she led him over to the couch. "We should sit down."




Willow sat down in the center of the circle of candles. She had to do this now. She'd messed everything up twice now. She had to fix it for good. Fix Tara. She began a low incantation under her breath as she mixed ingredients in a small clay bowl.




Spike leaned back into her. There was a lump in his chest. He didn't really want to say anything. Was afraid to say anything. He didn't think he could go back to nothing with her. "It was gone?" he rasped.

Buffy wrapped him tighter in her arms. "Yeah, it was gone. But look. You're still here. I've still got my arms around you."

"What does that mean, Buffy?" and his voice was soft, hesitant.

"It means....there's something else here, Spike." His name was like a caress from her lips. He turned his head towards her and their eyes met in the dim light. Then their lips met even softer yet. Buffy pulled back. "I thought the spell was making me crazy. I thought it was making me want to be WITH you. I thought that's why I said it. But then the reality. That scared me to death."

"You've been driving me crazy," he breathed into her neck.

She smiled. "So we are even then."

"Not even close," he murmured and kissed the curve underneath her ear.

She stroked her hand down his chest as he lay against her. "You do things to me, Spike." He groaned and kissed her neck. "When I was laying in bed tonight I was hoping you weren't too mad. And I couldn't stop thinking how I wanted you here. Beside me."

He turned in her arms and laid her gently back on the bed. "I'm always beside you, Buffy. Forever."

"Promise?" She breathed pulling him into the cradle of her thighs. But she didn't have to ask. He'd never leave her like some she'd known. she kissed him and then something happened.




Willow dropped in the last ingredient and said the last word. There was a moment when the magic hung in the air like a static charge, heavy and sizzling. Then it exploded. A yellow circle radiated out from her and slammed her to the floor. "Whooo," she exhaled, sitting up and blinking rapidly. The circle had passed through Tara and sought out all the others.




"With Buffy!?!" Xander stood and shouted.

Anya knew she had to come clean. Completely clean. "Spike was there too."

Xander fell backwards onto the couch. He had nothing to say to that.

"But there was no penetration," Anya hurriedly explained. "Like with you and Tara, well not like you and Tara. I didn't really do anything with Spike. He was just there with us. With Buffy really."

There was a golden arc of light that flared through the room. Everything stripped away. And he still wanted to kill Spike. Xander surged to his feet and stormed from the room. Anya ran after.




Spike held Buffy gently in his arms. They undulated softly against each other as he pushed inside her. She was wet and warm for him and the slide was tender and slow. They gasped against each other and then a golden arc of light passed through them.

Buffy opened her eyes wide. Spike slowly opened his. She looked at him and the last vestige of haze left her. The last ounce of the spell evaporated and all was clear for a blinding second. They were stripped bare of all artifice and lay naked in body and soul. And still her love shined for him. As his for her always had. She smiled up at him. "I love you." It was a revelation, even to her ears.

His breath came shuddering out and he lost all control. His hands convulsed in her hair as he came in a blinding flash of joy. He knew she hadn't had the moment of joy he had and he buried his face in her neck. His breath was ragged as he said, "I'm sorry, that's never happened like that before."

She stroked her hand through his vibrant hair. "It was beautiful," she said as her hand lingered through the soft locks and down the smooth pale skin of his back. "I've never made a man come by telling him I love him." And she smiled.




Tara just thrashed in the bed, sweat beading her brow and her hand gliding down her body to the source of her pain and pleasure. "You should be better now, baby. This isn't working!" Willow exclaimed, feeling herself on the verge of tears. None of her counter spells had worked and Tara was suffering. In fact Tara was suffering worse than anybody. Why wasn't Buffy this bad? Willow realized she needed to figure this out. She ran down the hall to Buffy's room and flung open the door.

Her mouth dropped open at the sight. "Obviously not working!" She exclaimed.

Buffy jumped up in shock and clutched the blankets around them. Her mouth opened and closed a few times as she tried to find something to say. Finally all she could squeak out was, "Hi Willow."

Spike cleared his throat and chimed in, "Hey Willow."

"H-hey," Willow stuttered.

"Was there something in particular you needed?" Spike asked calmly, but there was a wicked gleam in his eye.

"I just, um, tried to do this spell to fix everything but it obviously, um, didn't work and Tara's really bad and, um, I wanted to ask Buffy why she wasn't so bad," Willow hurriedly explained, her eyes nervously looking anywhere but at the two naked people.

"I did have an idea actually," Buffy said, scooching out from under Spike and dragging some blanket with her. "I think this one needs to kind of play out. After I..." she cleared her throat suggestively, "it was kind of gone. Poof."

Willow crossed her arms across her chest. "Play out?"

Buffy nodded slowly.

"But that means..."





Xander flung open the front door. "Spike!" he yelled, looking quickly through the ground floor then bounding up the stairs.

Anya chased him every step of the way telling him to calm down but it was Willow that got his attention. He barged into the bedroom and Willow grabbed his arm. "Xander! Xander!" she yelled over top of him as he called Spike a number of very bad things. "Xander, I need you to sleep with Tara!"

He stopped then. "What?"

"WHAT?!" Anya exclaimed.

Xander sat on the edge of the bed in shock, noticed he was very close to a naked Spike and jumped back up with a disgusted shout. He gathered his thoughts for a moment, eyes closed, hands in the air, palms facing everyone in the room. "Okay, somebody explain what is going on and talk slow," Xander said carefully, Spike opened his mouth to interject and Xander quickly pointed at him and exclaimed, "Not you, blondie!"

Buffy stepped forward with a sigh. "Xander, first, I'm so sorry for," her composure slipped a little and she looked over to Anya with big eyes, "um, earlier with Any-"

Xander jumped in, "I love you Buff, but that's a little much for the moment, I just need to kill Spike is all."

"No, you don't," Buffy said, laying a hand on his arm, "As far as that I'm the one you should be mad at. And I'm sorry. Spike just happened to be here and get caught up...well I won't go into details."

In unison Willow and Xander exclaimed, "Thank you."

"But anyway," Buffy continued, "Afterwards, all that crazy...ness....was gone and it will never happen again."

Xander didn't say anything and Anya moved closer to him, her whole demeanor radiating her apology.

"With that fact in mind," Willow picked up, "I think Tara needs the same, um, thing, to have her crazyness also go away."

"And that same thing being?" Xander asked with disbelief.

Spike groaned, "You'd think we'd all be a little old for all this pussyfooting around. Tara needs a sexual release from you Harris. If you can accomplish it," he added with a raised brow.

Xander sat back on the bed in shock, uncaring of the naked vampire this time. Anya wrung her hands in agitation. "I don't like this one bit! Earlier I said we should all just do it and I was right and this time I just hate being right." She stopped and pointed an accusing finger at Xander, "No penetration!"

Willow gasped. "Definitely!" Then she shuddered like she would cry again any minute.

Xander stood and hugged her. "Maybe I don't have to do this alone?" he asked.

Willow stopped for a second. She loved Tara, didn't want to let someone else touch Tara. On the other hand she also loved Xander in a different way, and there had been a time...."You're my best friend. I wouldn't want it to get weird."

"You're always my best friend, Will. Just another step in our friendship," he said and grinned jokingly. "Add since we're adding lovers willy-nilly, Anya?"

"I would hate to be left out," she said with a pout. "And that way I can keep my eye on you."

Xander still had his arm around Willow and he took Anya's hand and led them both from the room.

Buffy and Spike looked at each other. "Wow," Buffy said.

"Indeed. Must be the boy's lucky day," Spike said. Buffy flounced back into the bed and slugged him in the arm.