Spoilers: Set right approximately right now in the series so all around spoilers for this season and others past may crop up.

Disclaimer: I think it's quite obvious i don't own them or i would have all you rabid fans, much like me, beating down my door to smother me with gifts and adoration. You can do that anyway if you want, but you can't get Spike. I'm keeping him chained to my bathtub and he's all mine! Ya hear me, ALL MINE!

Feedback/Reviews: Who needs reasons when ya've got heroin? Rating: PG-13

Summary: Buffy and Spike are gonna get together. Ya know they are. And if not, well then, they will here. ;>

Author's note: What with the whole Spike and Buffy breaking up (wah! :'( wah!) I decide I should get with the happy happy joy joy fantasy world I have created and am so glad you all like to share with me.





Buffy whirled around and pounded back up the steps. Willow was looking at her with a quizzical expression as she paced back in forth. "Arghh!" she groaned as she pressed a hand to her temple in frustration. "I have to go after him. But I can't go after him because I'm the slayer and so I have to handle Angelus if this didn't work," she ranted aloud. "But I shouldn't have to go after him. How dare he think what he's thinking. God, why do I fall for vampires?"

Willow's eyebrows had climbed steadily at Buffy's tirade. "Fall? In love?" Willow asked with shock.

Buffy looked suddenly serious and her face darkened. "Yeah. I couldn't help it." She laughed self-deprecatingly and added, "Spike kinda grows on ya after a while."

"Buffy, we can handle Angelus," Tara broke in. "If you have to go after Spike, just go."

Buffy debated silently for a moment. "Thanks you guys," she said with a grateful smile and turned, quickly moving down the steps and out the door.

"Wow," Willow said as she gazed at the door Buffy had just whisked out of.

"Yeah, wow," Tara echoed as she gazed at the same spot with a more understanding glint in her eyes.





"Cordy. Ow," Angel said with a tight grimace. Cordy looked up into his pained eyes for a moment before jumping back.

"Oh, Angel, I'm so sorry," Cordy gasped as she looked at the little cross burned into his chest from her necklace. She leaned down and kissed the angry red flesh with soft lips. He groaned at the soothing sensation and felt himself grow hard all over again.

"God, Cordy, I love you," he groaned as the wispy tendrils of her hair trailed down his chest. Her head popped up, her mouth an oval of surprise.

"You love me? " Cordy asked, her voice breaking lightly.

Angel smoothed her hair behind the delicate shell of her ear with his free hand. "I love you," he repeated as he gazed into her eyes. A grin spread across her face and she lowered her head to capture his lips. He angled his head up to press the kiss deeper as he slid his hand down the smooth line of her back and around the genle curve of her hip. His finger dipped between her thighs and he found her already wet and ready for him. She slid her thighs into position against his hips and let his erection press to her opening. Her mouth opened on a groan as she felt him slide into her. When he was buried to the hilt she rotated her hips and met his sparkling eyes through heavy lids. His mouth mimicked her gasping breaths as they slid against each other with a slow, easy glide. As she felt the electricity shoot through her veins and the blinding moment fast approaching she sighed her answer, "I love you."

He exploded into her with a groan and Cordy let loose a strangled scream as she followed him into orgasm. He smiled up at her and there was a dewy soft glow in the depths of his eyes. "How do I know you're still Angel?" Cordy panted between heavy breaths.

"Well, no strong desires to kill everyone in the world," Angel deadpanned.

"Yes, but how do I know you're not just saying that," Cordy said with a light slap to his shoulder.

Angel chuckled and his eyes gleamed warmly. Cordy smiled. "Ok, now I know you're my Angel."





Buffy tried his crypt first but found it barren and empty. The cozy little love-nest he'd created for them still had a warm glow and she smiled fondly. She ran a hand across the bedspread as she remembered the night she'd first come to him. She hadn't wanted any strings attatched. Only the oblivion of his embrace but somehow she'd found something else. A peace. A rightness. The memories faded away and the cold dampness seeped into her skin as she stood there. The darkness was a part of her. She almost liked it here. It felt familiar and thrilling. But she wondered if there was any light that was a part of Spike. Could she really be with him in the forever sense if he'd go on a murderous spree at the malfunction of one little piece of metal.

She needed to let him know that she loved him. Even that dangerous, cocky bit of monster in him. She loved him, she loved him, she loved him. Nope, it still sounded crazy. He was darkness. Could she really live in that? But she loved him. Could it be enough, she thought. First she needed to clear up this stupid misunderstanding and then they'd see. She needed to find him. She needed to talk to him. She needed to know where he stood. Her mind drifted back to the night she'd gone to him. She'd told him she wouldn't stay away. She couldn't really. Well maybe he couldn't either. She moved with slow steps out of the crypt and turned in the direction of her house.





Spike sat on a rock looking out over Sunnydale. It was a steep fall to the ground below and the whiskey he was slugging back might make him a little more susceptable to a spill. He leaned over the edge and looked down with one brow raised. Might even mess him up a bit. He took another swig and turned his attention to the sky. The stars twinkled up ahead but there was no beauty there. He wanted to chuck the bottle up and see if he could smash some of those lights. It was only her beauty that had truly moved him.

He fished the little velvet box out of his pocket and flicked open the lid. The little diamonds winked at him mockingly, just like the stars above his head. He looked out over the precipice again and his mouth tightened as he clenched the ring in the palm of his hand. He wondered how far he could throw it and if those diamonds would shine so bloody bright from the ground below.

Why was he never good enough, he thought angrily. Why always one step behind? Well not anymore. He'd begged at her feet long enough. If she wants the poof. Fine, bloody have him. Just don't come running back when Angel doesn't do the job right. Well, maybe she could come running back. And if it was the evil thing that's no bloody excuse. He'd proved himself enough in that respect. He could never change who he was. But he could control what he did. And what he'd wanted had changed anyways. He wanted to be the man she needed. And he had been if memory served.

But she'd ignored what he'd offered. Left him without a word and betrayed him with the one creature...the one creature that would twist the knife in his back the worst. And he still bloody loved her. It wasn't even the betrayal that hurt the most. He could handle things like that. It was that he'd lost her. That was one thing he'd sworn would never happen again.





Buffy opened the front door with a hopeful intake of breath as she looked over her shoulder and scanned the front yard expectantly. She stepped inside and searched the rooms on the first floor ending her circle in the front room. Spike wasn't there but she wasn't alone. Dawn sat on the couch eating something out of a white paper box while Xander and Anya each muched on a piece of pizza. Her face fell even as she tried to smile as she said, "Food-fest, huh?"

"Yup, it's the duel of control using fastfood," Dawn quipped with a goofy smile.

"She tricked me by playing on my insecurities," Anya moped. "And I ended up bying a large and useless pizza."

"Not useless, honey," Xander said as he leaned over to press a quick kiss to her cheek. "Look at me eating and enjoying the pizza goodness."

The baby in the little bouncer at their feet let out a little cry and grabbed Xander's attention. He leaned over immediately and plucked the baby from the scooped fabric. "Hey little guy. You hungry too? Well Cordelia left a bottle here for just that occasion," he said as he scanned the room intently. "I'll just go check the kitchen," he continued in a conversational tone to Connor.

As he exited the room, holding the baby competently, Anya grinned. "I'm so glad he's my mate. He'll make an excellent father...And I love him so much...And he's excellent in bed."

"Too much information again Anya," Buffy said as she plopped down into the seat Xander had vacated.

"So how'd the spell go?" Dawn asked curiously.

"Good. Good," Buffy answered before her brow scrunched, "At least I'm pretty sure it did."

"What do you mean?" Anya asked as threw her slice back in the pizza box and reached for one of the paper containers that presumedly held some sort of Chinese food.

"Cordy and Angel," *ahem*, "released Angelus. Then we did the spell and recursed Angel with his soul and it's presumably stuck there forever."

"Well then why the connotation of doubt before?" Anya asked as she now dug into the teriyaki chicken.

"Well we were going to do a test run, so to speak, when Spike barged-"

"Ahhh, yes," Anya interrupted. "He came by here. I told him you were at the mansion."

"You what?" Buffy exclaimed, "And you didn't think to tell him it was Cordelia that was doing...." she paused as she searched for an appropriate phrase then simply blurted, "Angel."

"Hey, what's the hubbub bub?" Xander asked calmly as he came back in the room feeding Connor his bottle.

"Buffy's upset that I didn't tell Spike that it was Cordelia who was having sex with Angel but I really didn't have-" Anya stated.

"You mean it wasn't you?" Xander asked as he pointed at Buffy from beneath the baby.

"Noooo" Buffy said slowly pinning him with her gaze as he looked away guiltily. "Xaandderr...?"

"Cause I thought it was!" Xander said with a pained chuckle. "And I went and found Spike and I thought and he thought..."

Buffy groaned and thumped her head back on the cushion of the couch. "Why would you even do that Xander?"

He paused a moment. "Cause I know he loves you and being a guy that used to love you that way," his eyes skittered to Anya,"The way I love Anya. I would've wanted to know. And Spike's not so bad. Sometimes," Xander said with a steady voice.

"yeah.." Buffy said softly. "I was hoping he would be here actually. That he might have at least wanted to come over here and...talk to me. I already tried his crypt but he wasn't there."

"What does this mean?" Xander asked, referring to her sad face and obvious concern.

"I think I love him Xander," Buffy answered simply.

"Wow," Anya said bluntly.

"Yeah, wow," Xander muttered.

"I might know where he is," Dawn said as she met Buffy's wide eyed gaze.



TBC

continue...