Choose to Love
Spoilers: Set right approximately right now in the series so all around spoilers for this season
and others past may crop up.
Disclaimer: I think it's quite obvious i don't own them or i would have all you rabid fans,
much like me, beating down my door to smother me with gifts and adoration. You can do that
anyway if you want, but you can't get Spike. I'm keeping him chained to my bathtub and he's
all mine! Ya hear me, ALL MINE!
Feedback/Reviews: Who needs reasons when ya've got heroin. (just a trainspotting quote, i'm only
addicted to reviews and Spike)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Buffy and Spike are gonna get together. Ya know they are. And if not, well then,
they will here. ;>
Author's note: I committed the author's cardinal sin when I started this story. Namely I had
no idea where it was going. It's really shaped itself and veered away from the original emotion
that made me write it. Thus the new title fits better. That's why I changed it.
Buffy pulled out of Spike's embrace, holding him away with slayer strength as she breathed
heavily. He looked at her with confusion, his lips still slightly pursed. Buffy groaned at the
temptation and quickly dipped back in for a hard kiss. "I have to go talk to Dawn. I can't do
this right now," Buffy mumbled to Spike. She summoned up all her willpower and stepped back from
her lover as she called forcefully, "Dawn you get your butt over here, right now!"
Dawn traipsed in, her face mutinous and her arms crossed across her chest. "What?" she asked
slowly as she held her elbows loosely.
Buffy stepped in close to her sister and held her eyes forcefully. "Don't you know
this is just some demon fantasy. You are in your bed at home, a vegtable to all the world!
Dawn, I know it's scary and hard out there, but why would you run away like this?"
"Why not? You ran away." Dawn said defiantly before mumbling softly, "you're running now."
Buffy pulled back, anger and hurt stinging her breast. "Dawn, you know what I went through then,"
she said low in her throat as her expression tightened painfully, the memory of leaving everyone
behind as she sat on a greyhoud bus seeming like a foggy dream of a different girl. A different
girl and a different guy and a sacrifice she'd never forget. "And I am not running now. I'm
trying my best to care for you and provide for you and just keep you home where you belong."
"You are too, Buffy! You're still here, but you're running from life. From emotions, from Spike,
from me." Dawn cried as tears filled her wide eyes and angry red blotched the smooth complexion
of her cheeks.
Dawn's words hit Buffy like well-placed blows punching through the ice around her heart. Buffy
bit her lip and tentatively stepped forward to wrap her sister in a tight embrace. Dawn stood
stiffly but let Buffy hold her close. Slowly she relaxed and lifted her arms to return the hug,
letting the familiar comforting scent of her sister envelop her as she felt the well-known brush
of soft lips across her forhead. Even as she held Dawn desperately close, wanting so much for
everything to be good and easy between them, Buffy felt hot anger building in the back of her
throat. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, concentrating on the rhythm, until she could
handle words around the anger. "Dawn, it is so hard me out there," the honest confession easing
her a little, Buffy continued, "and this is a beautiful dream you've created. I want so much to
just sink into it." She closed her eyes on a wistful sigh as she still felt dream Spike's
presence at her back, sending tingles through her.
Dawn pulled back and looked over Buffy's shoulder to the vampire leaning casually against the
counter while his eyes watched them intently. She switched her bright gaze to the haunted depths
of her sister's light eyes, "There's something between you two isn't there? You're not the same
when he's around. It's like he's all you really see."
Buffy shifted her gaze away guiltily. "I knew it! You like him!" Dawn shouted trumphantly. She
smiled naughtily as she said more quietly, "I like him, too," her cheeks pinkened and she ducked
her head to the side as she tucked her hands in her back pockets, "I mean not like that...anymore
...it's just...he's family, y'know?"
Buffy looked at her sister in a new light, a little acknowledging tug pulling at her lips. "He is
definitely strong..and I feel so comforted when I'm with him..." Buffy said, her old glow shining
from her eyes as she drifted off into memories, her voice warm and dreamy, "...and he was the
only one I could count on...for you...and he's the best lo-" Her face snapped back into slayer
mode, horror glinting in her eyes as she reigned in her treaturous desires. "But it would never
work Dawn. He is an evil, soulless, vampire! Who-who is wrong for me and perverse and a killer
with punk hair and a rebel attitude and-and, did I mention _vampire_?!"
"Yeah, I think it came up," Dawn said sarcastically. "Buffy, you don't choose to love. You just
do."
Buffy's mouth snapped shut and she plopped down on a chair as she digested the too-wise words.
"But all my friends hate him..."
"No, they don't, Buffy. They all work beside him. And they trust him. And Xander probably won't
admit it but I think he likes the macho guy factor." Dawn answered, quickly cleaning up the
objection.
"He's killed *a lot* of people..." Buffy asserted.
"Yeah, and so did Angel, with a sadistic twist," as Buffy's mouth flew open to protest the
major differences between Spike and Angel Dawn rushed through the rest of her point, "Angelus got
a conscience. He helped you. Spike got a chip. He helps you. Difference is Spike is still Spike
and he still loves you."
"He's a bad influence!" Buffy said desperately, running out of walls to hold her heart in.
Dawn rolled her eyes. "Then why'd you entrust my protection to him? Next question: Do you want to
spend your next life running from what makes you feel good cause it might hurt you?"
Buffy scoffed lightly, "You're one to talk! You summoned a demon to get away from your problems.
And another thing, I, um, haven't been running quite so much...lately...recently...for the last
couple of days..."
Dawn looked at her sister hesitantly, wondering if Buffy was opening up a little. "Really? You've,
like, had a breakthrough or something?"
"Something like that...wanna come out and see what I've done with the place?" Buffy asked, a
bright twinkle in her eyes that Dawn could barely remember seeing last.
A grin broke across Dawn's face even as a ghost of pain flitted through her eyes as she realized
she'd never see her mother again. " 'Kay..." she said and cleared her throat as she tried to wake
up, picturing herself laying in bed in her room. She opened her eyes slowly. Nope, still kitchen.
She snapped her eyes closed again before peeking one lid open carefully. Nope, still kitchen.
"Um, Buffy? I can't."
"Crap...." Buffy muttered.
TBC
continue