Love's Bitch
The Kiss
Author: Sarahvampgrl
Spoilers: Set right approximately right now in the series so all around spoilers for this season
and others past may crop up. Except for Tara and Anya breaking up and Spike finding out that
Buffy didn’t come back right. I just didn’t have the room in this story for those arcs but I think
They are truly excellent so I like to think that they are brewing in the characters as I’ve written them,
they just haven’t happened.
Disclaimer: I think it's quite obvious I don't own them or I would have all you rabid fans,
much like me, beating down my door to smother me with gifts and adoration. You can do that
anyway if you want, but you can't get Spike. I'm keeping him chained to my bathtub and he's
all mine! Ya hear me, ALL MINE!
Feedback/Reviews: Who needs reasons when ya've got heroin. (just a trainspotting quote, I’m only
addicted to reviews and Spike)
Rating: PG-13 (for now, eh? *strokes chin ala Homer Simpson*)
Summary: Buffy and Spike are gonna get together. Ya know they are. And if not, well then,
they will here. ;>
Giles was buried in a thick ancient text detailing the different types of wish demons that
had made an appearance in their little corner of the hellmouth in the past millennium as Buffy
entered The Magic Box. There was an air of darkness and restlessness about her as the little
bell above the door tinkled her arrival and the scoobies looked over to her. Anya was already
ensconced behind the ornate cash register, her nimble fingers counting out the money as her
lips moved wordlessly and she smiled. Xander's somewhat beefed up construction worker form
was seated at the wooden table tucked off to the left where they usually held their
meetings to discuss the nasties and Big Bads they fought on a daily basis. He was munching
on a jelly donught and his eyes snapped up to her and stared with that look of watchful
questioning all the scoobies seemed to look at her with since she'd come back from the dead,
and all.
"Ah, yes, Buffy." Giles turned to her with his glasses slipping halfway down his nose in that
way that made her think he wasn't really looking at them, his mind drifting to some faraway
place. "Glad you're here." Giles style of dress had definitely loosened up, his tweed suits
few and far between, and today he was wearing a green V-necked sweater over a gray T-shirt,
but his concentration and drive were definitely good, old Giles. He gave her that pained smile
that made her feel maybe he did understand at least some of the depth of her suffering and that
it pained him in turn. Buffy was so glad he'd been there for her. Without him the weight of life
would have been unbearable. But still she couldn't talk to any of them about where she'd been
and what she felt. There was only one person she'd been able to share that with. Only one person
who she could be with, who provided her with that sense of comfort she'd thought might have
escaped her forever. Spike. A vampire. An evil, soulless, mortal enemy that above everyone
else had made this life bearable. As if reading her thoughts and lasering in on what she needed
most to hear right then Giles said, "Spike is in the training room. Perhaps you could go in and get in
some training." And he flashed her that small, yet heartfelt, British smile.
"Yeah, ok, sounds like a plan." Buffy radiated that spark of golden, effulgent life hidden deep
beneath her somber clothes and countenance. When her smile peeked out like it had for a brief
moment Xander and Giles felt the presence of that glow buried somewhere in her and had hope.
"She'll be alright, right?" as Buffy's disappeared through the door in back Xander turned with a
sincere trusting look to Giles who had become a father figure to all of them and asked the
question plaguing all their minds.
Giles could not cushion his answer. He could not be the over-protective father sheltering them
from the truth. That was never a role he wished to play with them. "I don't know Xander, though,
I certainly hope so."
A heavy silence fell over the room that even penetrated the happy little bubble Anya created
for herself and her cash register.
Buffy felt a little of the pressure in her chest ease as she saw Spike standing on the far side
of the large training room sighting a wooden crossbow. Spike was a dead thing...like her. She
didn't have to pretend to be light and happy. She had no reason to with Spike. She didn't care
if her darkness upset him because she didn't love him. And she knew he would understand this
new experience of having died and come back. She fit in with him in a way she never would with
people who hadn't seen that side of death. And best of all, he could handle it. He was tender
and real in a way she needed but didn't know she needed. If anything in this world had been able
to make her feel, it had been Spike with his ability to simply listen and be there. She didn't
want to think about the fact that her friends had tried to be there for her. She'd just needed
someone else. Someone darker. Someone...like her.
"Hello, luv." It was a simple acknowledgement, not asking anything of her, but letting her
know he was there, waiting for her.
Buffy hoped she hadn't been staring at him, but sometimes she just stared these days, and
not at anything in particular. She just seemed to lose her hold on this world for a little
while and stared off into the nothing, the emptiness. If she had been staring, she decided it
was good if it had been at Spike. He rooted her in this world and forced her to contemplate
him and the puzzle he'd become. He said he loved her. He followed her around like some
moony teenager. At least she tried to think of it that way. It made it easier to belittle his
love. Vampire love was not a place she cared to visit again. His love made her feel angry and
protected and intrigued and disgusted and worried and astounded. In short it made her feel.
Always thoughts of Spike revolved back to that point. Because they both had what the other
most wanted and she just could not forget that. But the fighting did help, even if it sometimes
felt like third base in some twisted way that ruled her perceptions on men, vamps, and love.
So she threw her leather jacket to the floor and sauntered forward till she was in front of
Spike's tall compactly muscled body. She wanted to dance. "Hey Spike," she smiled and punched
him right in his strong, angular jaw.
Spike's head flew to the side his body bending in submission to her powerful follow-through.
"Hey now, what's that for, pet?" he said, pointing a finger to himself, “Good guy, here, thank you
very much."
"Oh Spike, don't go all wussy on me. You can take it. I've dished out worse." She
paused and as Spike looked up at her he saw a primal gleam in her eyes that connected with his
heart and someplace lower. "I just wanna dance with you."
Spike swallowed and his eyes were soft and hopeful and, somehow...loving and somewhere deep
inside Buffy's heart thawed just the tiniest bit. Maybe that's why vampire's always seemed to
get to her heart, she thought. Their faces were so expressive of the extremes of emotions they
felt. Love, lust, anger, sorrow, and hope were all art on a vamp's face. Spike was even more so
than this. He felt everything with his whole heart. His whole being. And if he had a soul, all of
that would have been involved too, she knew. Not that Spike had gotten to her heart, she assured
herself. She wasn't even sure it was there anymore, anyway.
Buffy and Spike moved into fighting posture and they fell into the rhythm of blocking fists and
trading blows. Spike was the best sparring partner Buffy could ever hope for. Unquestionably
strong, vampiricly quick, and unable to intend harm without suffering immense pain himself. Her
heart wasn't in patrolling and hunting the vamps and demons she ran into each night. Staking
them out of habit almost. As if she wasn't really there. Just the pale ghost of her. But with
Spike an excitement coursed through her as she tested both her own strength and agility and his
as well. He was a beautiful sight to behold as he took her punches and lunged out with a few
of his own. His body throbbed with a combination of passion, sexual energy, and violence that
turned the slayer in her on. She had a sneaking suspicion that hers did the same and had
a similar effect on him. She landed a good punch that sent Spike sprawling to the floor, his
black duster billowing out and she quickly straddled his chest, a stake appearing in her hand she
couldn't remember grabbing. She pointed it at his heart through the silk of his red shirt. Some
of her arousal must have shown through the ferocity of their position and Spike's trademark
smirk slid into place.
"I LOVE dancin with you, slayer." His hands gripped the strong, supple thighs on either side of
his chest and he was more than a little surprised that she hadn't staked him for the trespass,
yet. Spike couldn't resist the sweet temptation that was Buffy. He'd had too many dreams that had
started just like this. He slid his cool hands along her hot flesh till he cupped her hips,
holding her lightly as he pressed his pelvis up a little into hers. Buffy's eyes went round as
saucers as she lifted the stake in a quick, passionate jerk, poised to bring an end to his
unlife. He knew she wouldn't stake him, he had a sneaking suspicion she might care for him just
a little bit, but he still looked up at her with still and apprehensive eyes.
The moment seemed to last forever as Buffy struggled with some unnamed decision. She took him in,
gazing more deeply at him than she had looked at anything since she'd come back from death and
her heaven. His bleached, blond hair, the strong lines of his high cheekbones and the soft
roundness of his chin, the startling blue of his eyes were all so striking and gothically handsome.
Her eyes looked deep into his and she saw the passion and violence that mirrored her own
nature. A voice whispered that he was perfect. Absolutely perfect for her. And with a startled
gasp she turned her back on feelings she couldn't face yet, threw the stake away as if it were
a vile monster and sprinted away from Spike, to the safety that was Giles. He was her wall between
those pesky problems she couldn't face yet and she was desperate to crawl behind it once again.
Spike laid where she'd left him. His heart and body straining. His face a grimace of pain at the
roller coaster ride Buffy had been taking him on since the day he'd first seen her and only
more so since he'd fallen for her. It came down to that though. He loved her and he was going
to be there for her no matter how much it hurt him. No matter how much the violent passionate
side of his nature railed at his dumb luck to fall for someone who said she was incapable
of loving a monster like him. He didn't quite believe her there. And so he stayed, begging
for some scrap. His body relaxed a little into the floor as he remembered Buffy's undecided,
aroused body straddling him and needing him deep down in some primal core of her Slayer being.
That was one helluva bloody scrap. The grimace eased to tortured and he pulled himself to his
feet. A hand grabbed his arm and helped him and he turned in surprise to see Dawn standing
beside him. Dawn was the only person in this world who would see Spike as a noble knight in
not-so-shining armor and Dawn was the only person Spike loved besides Buffy and the remnant
he couldn't help but carry for Drusilla.
Spike dusted himself off and righted his clothes with that old bad-ass swagger that had driven
respect and fear into demons and slayers alike. Dawn smiled at his overt display of machismo
after being knocked down physically and emotionally by her very strong but very troubled older
sister. It would be nice if Spike and Buffy got together. She knew Spike loved her sister in an
awesome mind-blowing sort of way and she knew her sister needed a man like Spike. Someone rough
and tough but loving and tender. Someone with a little bit of monster in him. Buffy couldn't have
gotten a better match if she'd had one specially made as far as Dawn was concerned. But then
again Spike went and did things like having one specially made, which wasn't very...well, good.
The Buffybot incident had definitely been a setback. But then again that had led to Glory
torturing Spike, which had led to Buffy trusting him, which had led to...,Dawn stopped trying
to put it all in order, but she did realize that for every step back, they made two forward.
That made her smile and her smile grew wider as Spike placed a hand on her shoulder, met her
eye as an equal and asked, “What’s up Nibblet?"
"Just caught a little Buffy/Spike action, is all." Dawn said as she waggled her eyebrows at him.
Spike chuckled in that sardonic way he had and smirked as they made their way to the door. "I'm
gonna have to risk being zapped to beat all those bad boys wantin you away from the
door, Lilbit. Then again, I think you're gonna be a heartbreaker like your older sis."
Dawn blushed a little at Spike's protective older brother act. Spike had become like a member
of her family as far as Dawn was concerned and it didn't matter if he was a vamp or not. In fact,
that just kinda made him even cooler. After her mom and Buffy had died Spike had been about all
she had left and he had made sure that she had everything he could give. He would have laid down
his existence for her and that went a long way in Dawn's book. Plus she hadn't even existed a
year ago. Her family had been picked for her to protect her and keep her safe and if a bunch
of monks could use that criteria so could she and she picked Spike. "The sun went down, Spike.
Wanna go for a walk? I'll walk you to your crypt. You can tell me more vampire stories" At
Spike's pensive look she quickly added, “Then you can walk me back to the house or whatever and
go patrolling with Buffy. I know, no walking alone at night in Sunnydale. Vampires everywhere. I
get it." Dawn loved hanging out with Spike. In some weird way he excited her and gave her peace
at the same time. Dawn wondered if that's what he did for Buffy, too.
"Alright, pet. Sounds like fun. At least one of the Summer's women likes my company." And he
smiled that smirky, dangerous smile that, coupled with his accent, made the Summer's women, and
even a few of the Scoobies, swoon, admittedly or not.
These past two years had been nothing short of the purest torture for Spike while he had watched
Buffy waste her love and affection on that ponce Riley without giving him the slightest glance
as he had spent his days and nights making her his world. She had brought him to life and it
didn't matter that he would never really be breathing. Buffy had penetrated him so deep her life
was his life. His lust for violence was satisfied by her and he thought that might be some of the
attraction he felt emanating back to him from her body. God, how many months he'd spent knowing
nothing would ever happen between them, seeing her with sodding boys not worthy of her, nights
he'd drowned this painful, crushing love of his in bourbon. To feel her gaze lingering on him
now was almost worse. To be so much closer to her. To feel her intoxicating presence sideling
closer to him was just some new deeper torture. He closed his eyes and sucked in an unneeded
breath through his rigid jaw. He kept his mood light for the Lilbit, though. She had enough
of dark and moody in her life. Imagine that, he was a little bit of light for someone. That
was new. He'd been so good at evil, so bloody good. But as much as he loved the fighting,
the bloodlust, and the power he'd always been more of a lover but even he was amazed by how
much stronger his love was than his evil. He lit a cigarette as he watched Dawn turn and wave
as she went inside her house. Spike wished the slayer would let him be that for her and end his
torture. Maybe it would end some of hers as well. He found Buffy on her back steps. She was
dressed for slaying in sexy blue jeans that he couldn't help noticing accentuated her quite
nicely, and a black leather jacket that clutched her body like a lover. He'd always been a lusty
demon, he thought as he imagined stripping those clothes from her supernaturally strong, fit,
tight, glorious body. He really couldn't help but look. He stood for a moment in the darkness of
the trees wondering if she was waiting for something. Maybe waiting for him.
Suddenly she turned and latched her gaze onto him. She got up with tight efficiency, a quick,
powerful movement of her body, and walked towards him. "I wanted to tell you, again, thanks
for being there. For Dawn." Her voice was wooden again and it hurt Spike to see her this
way after the passion she had shown him earlier today as they had fought. Maybe it was time to
resurrect a little bit of the bad ass Spike. The Spike that had drunk greedily from quivering
necks, the blood gulping down his throat filling him with ecstasy at the taste and power. The
Spike that had shagged his love on satin sheets or in heavy manacles each being just as romantic
to them. The Spike who knew how to take control of a situation and make it his whether he
received an asskicking or not. Maybe that old Spike would bring a little of the old Buffy back.
Spike reached out and gripped her shoulders pushing her up against the wall and brought his
face close to hers. He swooped down to kiss her passionately and maybe shock her into
at least kicking his ass but he couldn't be anything but gentle as his lips touched hers
with as much reverence as if she were the sweetest rarest blood he'd ever tasted. She shoved
him back roughly in true slayer fashion which did not surprise him. What she did next, however,
did. SHE swooped down on *him* wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling his lips down to
hers. He poured his frustration into his kiss and it was as tumultuous and passionate as
everything else between them had been. Her hands fisted in his blond hair as his black painted
nails clutched at the warm flesh of her arms. Her pulse throbbed under his nose and the scent
of her arousal was as intoxicating as the finest merlot.
God how he excited her. He had stayed. For her. For Dawn. Not just stayed while she was around
and being nice, hell she'd never been nice to Spike anyway, but even after she had died he had
still been here, in Sunnydale, in her home. There was a thread connecting them now and she could
feel it vibrating between them at all times, exciting her in a way she'd never felt before. Not
even with Angel, who she had truly loved, who had filled her with a...glowy..lovey feeling. But
with Spike it was more...right. It just fit. Angel never really had.
Buffy let her worries and thoughts swirl away and lost herself in Spike. His eyes worshipped
her sometimes. She had noticed. Now it felt like his lips were doing the same. She slipped her
arms underneath his black leather duster and felt his arms snake around her waist and lift her
closer till she could feel his arousal pressing into her stomach. She gasped up for oxygen and
Spike just slid his lips down her jawline to her neck where he began to purr and lick at her
jugular. Buffy sighed in ecstasy as she let his love wash over her. This wasn't heaven but God
it was close. Only Buffy Summers Incorrigible Slayer could find the closest thing to heaven in
the cold embrace of a lovesick Master Vampire but that was the truth of it.
"Buffy, I love you." His voice rang with conviction as he whispered softly in her ear and stroked
his hand down to her arse in a gesture so like possession it stopped Buffy in her tracks.
She could barely think straight as the first warm wonderful feelings she'd had since her
resurrection washed over her but she knew she was not ready for Spike possession. Although
she was getting accustomed to possession of Spike...
"Spike. Patrol. Must. Must patrol." She could see how frustrating this was for him as she slid
away from the peace his embrace held for her. She almost opened her mouth to tell him all the
thoughts swirling in her brain. How nothing she found in her life now compared to the comfort
and acceptance she felt with him. How he made her blood sing and confused her more each day
by the depth of his love. She still didn't believe it yet, though, couldn't face it herself
let alone tell him. So she did the only thing she could right now. Turned and walked away.
Spike looked away from her retreating back. Pain radiating out from his too-feeling heart.
His vampiric senses sensed her stop and turn and gaze at his face cast in shadow. And he
knew. He got to her, too. She felt it. He lifted his head slowly and met her eyes and he
let all his pain and love and rage at her shine through. "Buffy.." his voice cracked on her
name. A name she'd branded into his heart and it cut through to her core.
"Spike.." and his name wavered off her tongue with some emotion she'd almost forgot existed.
"I've got to-" no, that wasn't right it was time for some truth, “I don't want to stay away from
you. And I think I won't...ever again. Wait for me, ok?" That sounded a little better to her
ears, softer, and how she so wanted to be softer in at least one area of her life. Love had
always been awful bad for her but with Spike all the reasons and reasonings were different
and she didn't want to crush anything with the stone her heart had become. And for Dawn. She
wanted to have some light for Dawn.
Spike wordlessly nodded. He couldn't, wouldn't break this moment. He knew something had changed
for Buffy tonight. It almost felt like she wanted him as much as he wanted her but he didn't know
if that were possible. She walked away into the night carrying the feel of Spike's lips with
her. He moved with feline grace towards the cemetery with the warmth of Buffy's skin on his
and her taste filling him.
Neither had noticed Dawn watching them from an upstairs window. Her face was sad as she
watched their figures disappear into the night so weighted with pain and love. If only
they'd let go she knew they could be so much happier. But then again, who was she to talk
she thought as she brushed a heavy hand along the comforter on her mother's bed. Love hurt. But
it also made life worth living. But, God, how it hurt.
"Dawn, where are you? I made some popcorn, want some?" Tara's soft voice called and Dawn felt a
smile creep across her face. There really was a lot of love out there mixed up with all the evil
in the world and Spike was just one prime example, Dawn thought as she went downstairs to join
the witches in watching a movie.
continued...