“On Our Own”

Episode Nineteen (#1T19)

The Gang’s Dayboqrx MasChrist

 

Written by Joe Termine

 

Scene One:

“Jingle Hell, Jingle Hell, Jingle All the Way”

Location: The Dayboqrx Mall at the Connection

Characters: The Gang

 

[The gang sits around on the day before MasChrist]
Joe: It’s another beautiful day before MasChrist.
Katie: YOU have never been here for this holiday.
Joe: I know, you don’t have to rub it in.
John: So what’s everyone getting me?
Joe: The better question is, “Where is Carmen San Diego?”
James: No it isn’t!
Joe: I gave it a shot…hey look outside the kids are playing in the fresh fallen rain making aqua-angels, it’s soooo cute for the one second they last.
John: It brings back memories.
[flashback to John playing with a kite]
Joe: I remember that kite, didn’t I loan it to you?
Katie: NO!!
John: I don’t think he was talking to you.
Katie: Not that, it’s pouring out, we can’t get out of the apartment
Joe: Katie we’re at the mall, we’re already out of the apartment
Katie: Oh right.

 

OPENING CREDITS

 

Song: (to the same theme music as Cheers)

1. Musical Beginning

2. Sometimes you wanna go, where it is always gonna rain,

3. And you'll always be in pain.

4. You wanna be where you can see, the people are all insane,

5. You wanna go where you can be eaten by a Great Dane.

6. Musical Ending

 

Sequence: (corresponding line by line from the song above)

1. A view of downtown Dayboqrx, with the text "On Our Own" along the center of the screen.

2. John is seen, startled by the camera man in a supermarket, accidentally knocking over a shelf creating a domino effect, his name on the bottom of the screen.

3. James is seen in the rainy parking lot, his fingers shaped as a gun pretending to shoot at nothing, his name on the bottom of the screen.

4. Joe is seen in the rainy parking lot, chasing a sheep, he stops, smiles, and waves at the camera, his name on the bottom of the screen.

5. Katie is seen arguing with a light pole, her name on the bottom of the screen.

6. John comes running from the supermarket, mouthing the words "Run for your life."  The Gang runs as the store collapses and are chased by a pack of Great Danes.  On the bottom of the screen reads "Created by John Painting and James Achaia."

 

Scene Two:

“’Tis The Season to Do Stuff”

Location: The Dayboqrx Mall at the Connection
Characters: The Gang, Benji

 

John: So, what are you guys getting me?
Joe: John, you picked out your gifts yourself.
Katie: We gave you the money to get what you want.
John: No, that was the first gift, you need to get me three more, it’s the ritual here in Dayboqrx.
James: Don’t you mean tradition?
John: Yeah tradition that’s it. [he slinks away with more money]
Katie: He sure is being all secretive about these gifts, I worked hard to find him those gifts.
Joe: He bought them.
Katie: Fine, he worked hard to find those gifts.
James: That’s better.
[A scream is heard from the other end of the mall]
Benji: Hey guys.
Joe: What the hell did you do to the cats?
[Benji shows Joe the cats as Joe sneezes]
Benji: You see they ran out of little elf costumes at the Creative Cat store…so I took some initiative and put on all the old Halloween costumes I had for them, clever huh!
Joe: Get the stupid cat out of my face, you know I’m allergic to cats.
Benji: That’s the beauty of it, this is only one cat, not cats, so you shouldn’t be allergic…see[shoves the cat in Joe’s face and Joe begins to hyperventilate] I was sure it was foolproof.
Katie: You’re a moron Benji.
Benji: You have to be nice to me, it’s the day before MasChrist.
Katie: Fine [smiles] you’re a moron Benji.
Benji: See, that’s better, don’t you feel happier?
Katie: As a matter of a fact…NO, NO I don’t.
James: Joe, are you okay?
[ Joe slowly wakes up]
Joe: I think I’m better now, thanks.
Benji: When I feel woozy, I like to be with my cats [he puts the cat back in Joe’s face]
Joe [smiles]: I hate you. [he faints]
Benji: See, he knows how to be in the holiday spirit!

 

Scene Three:

“MasChrist Mega Savings”

Location: The Dayboqrx Mall at the Connection

Characters: The Gang, Benji

 

[As Joe regains consciousness the three of them go around the mall to find sales in the mall]
Katie: You had us scared for a minute there, we thought you were dead.
James: Here’s your wallet back sorry…I swear I was just holding it for you…and here’s your credit card.
Joe: I was dead for a minute, but the shock of knowing that Benji was the one that would of killed me, I woke up…can’t have that happen…I’m saving my death to be at the hands of that ninja [A ninja summons him with his hands and then flips away] I will be right back…EHHHHHH.
Katie: So, back to finding sales.
James: Yup.
[Katie and James go into about three stores and come out with bags upon bags]

Katie: It’s good to shop for ourselves…I guess we should shop for the rest of the gang now.
James: If you want.
Katie: Well…I mean of course.
[ Joe returns with a sword with blood on it]
Joe: Here Katie, I got this for you.
Katie: Oh my God, this is just what I wanted, a 19th centaury Japanese sword…with real blood on it thanks…I feel kind of funny, cause I got you the same thing [she hands Joe a sword with blood on it too]
Joe: Wow, it’s a small world.
[The Gang laughs]
Joe: Hey John, when did you get back?
John: I have been here the whole time, you guys just didn’t see me.
Katie: No you weren’t.
John: Would you believe that I transported myself with a machine?
James: Now that sounds more like it…you don’t need to lie to us…if you got here by a machine, just tell us, there’s no secrets between us.
Joe: Actually there is. [points to a Victoria’s Secrets]
Katie: Wow that was strange…and they have sales…I want to go in…you guys wait here.
Joe: Fine.
James: Okay.
John [shouts from inside the store]: This one will make your boobs bigger, Katie, you should really check this out.
[Benji wanders around the stores and notices that a lot of the stores are having out of business sales so he gets an idea]
Benji: If I can get the bank to go out of business, I can get all the money on sale and get a lot more for less.
[Benji walks into the Dayboqrx Bank in the mall]
Benji: Excuse me, I’m a Health inspector, and this establishment is going to be closed down.  I would like you to have a sale.
Teller: On the money?
Benji: Yes, it’s only fair, I will have some $50’s for $5.
Teller: I would think for someone who’s a health inspector, you wouldn’t have a large number of dirty animals following you.
Benji: Well, that’s why I’m a health inspector and you’re just a bank teller, so are you going to have a sale on the money or what?
Teller: And health inspectors only have to do with restaurants, not banks.
Benji: We’re branching out.
Teller: Can you just leave please.
Benji: Okay, it was worth a try.

 

Scene Four:

“When Good Fruitcakes Go Bad…Not That They Were Good in the First Place”

Location: The Dayboqrx Mall at the Connection

Characters: The Gang, Benji

 

Katie: Do you ever notice that whenever it’s quiet, Benji seems to pop up out of…
[Benji jumps on Katie’s back]
Benji: MasChrist back-ride. [he pulls her everywhere]
Joe: I think you’re going to hurt Katie, you weigh a bunch and she’s tiny.
Benji: She’s a hearty girl.
Katie: Heart…what I’m not a soup!!
Benji: If you were, I would stop eating the cat food………as much.
[ John’s walking around the other end of the Mall looking for presents for the rest of the Gang]
Greeter: Hello, would you like to try a sample of our…ah new [smirks] fruitcake.
John: Sure [bites down into it and gets a strange look on his face]
Greeter: You like?
John: Yes, this stuff’s great.
Greeter: We have a full store of it, people have just seemed to want to miss out on the experience.
John: I like this stuff, so I blindly believe that the rest of my friends will like it.
Greeter [excited]: So you want to buy one!!!
John: I would like three please.
Greeter: Okay [opens cash register and moths fly out] Sorry, it has been a long time.
John [handing the person a $10 bill]: Here you go.
Greeter: Do you have exact change? Cause since we never really sold any others we have no other money in the register.
John: You know what, keep the change, Happy MasChrist.
Greeter: Thank you sir, now I can buy a new shock collar.
John: Why would you want a shock collar, don’t they hurt?
Greeter: Only when you move out of the fenced area, I never really do it though so I’m good for the time being.
John: How do you go to get the collar if you can’t leave?
Greeter: We’re also the only wholesale store that also sells shock collars.
John: You know what, I will also buy some of those collars, I’m sure the Gang will love me for these gifts, I’m soooo thoughtful.
Greeter: No problem, they’re on the house…that will be fifteen dollars.
John: You just said they were on the house.
Greeter: They are, see that house over there?  They’re on top of the roof, just go get them.
John: Okay.
Greeter: Have a good holiday!
[ John crawls on the roof of the house across from the Mall and gets the collars]
John: The Gang will love these.

 

Scene Five:

“’Nuff ‘Bout What You Want Kid, What About Me?”

Location: The Dayboqrx Mall at the Connection

Characters: Benji, Katie, Joe

 

[Benji walks around the other end of the mall now after getting off Katie]
Benji: Now that I got my exercise, I need to go shopping for my babies.
[Benji notices a sign for Santa’s for hire]
Benji: I have great people skills, and kids always know what’s great to get…I’ll do it.
[A man stands at the edge of the balcony of the second floor and looks down about to jump]
Man: If only one soul would just make me feel like I was worth something I would forget this idea and go on living.
[As Benji walks by he notices Katie on the first floor as runs to say hi to
her]
Man: Oh my a person who’s going to help me with my life journey [he opens
his arms to embrace Benji]
Benji: Move [knocks the man off the balcony] Hi Katie…[Benji walks away]
Katie: [the man falls right in front of Katie] Watch where you’re falling there, I’m walking here.
Joe: That was really mean.
Katie: Sorry Joe. [she smiles at the man]
Joe: Thanks that’s all I wanted.
[Benji gets on line for the Santa job]
Benji: You guys can go home, I have this job in the bag.
[All the people grumble and walk off the line]
Mall Manager: Who’s next for the job [Benji’s standing there alone with a creepy smile on his face] Fine, you sir, come in.
Benji: I’m so happy to get this chance to bring joy to little ones.
Mall Manager: It’s nice to see you like being around kids.
Benji: Kids?  Oh yeah, the furless things.
Mall Manager: Well, you’re the only one who showed up, so you get the job.
Benji: Oh thank you…you will be very disappointed, I promise [shakes the man’s hand]
Mall Manager: What?
Benji: Bye.  Those little bastards will pay…I mean…no I meant that.
[Benji gets dressed to start his first day of work]
Benji: I can’t wait to see what kind of ideas the kids will for my babies.
[A little child sits on Benji’s lap]
Benji: What are you doing kid, you don’t even know me, and you just sit on my lap, what’s wrong with you?
Kid: I want a train and a robot!
Man [screaming from somewhere in the mall]: ROBOT!!!
Benji: Well, enough about you, what do you think all my cats would want?
Kid: I don’t know.
Benji: Next!!!
[A sexy woman walks up to him and sits on his lap]
Sexy Lady: I have been very bad, I think I need you to give me a spanking and give me some coal.
Benji: If you have been bad, I can’t do anything for you…and anyway this for kids, not for old people…get off me.
Sexy lady: But!
Benji: Next!! I like this job, I hold the power.
[A sour looking child comes over and sits on Benji’s lap]
Benji: Didn’t anyone teach you kids not to sit on strangers laps.
Child: I know you’re not Santa.
Benji: Who the hell told you?
[one of the “helpers” whispers in Benji’s ear]
Benji [yelling]: BUT I’M NOT SANTA!!!!
[Hoards of children start crying]

 

Scene Six:

“Raunchy Reindeer”

Location: The Dayboqrx Mall at the Connection

Characters: Joe, James, Katie

 

Joe: You know what might be nice is a pet, for a group present to ourselves.
[Katie hides all the bags behind her back]
Katie: Cause getting stuff for ourselves is selfish.
James: Yup.
Joe: We should go to the new pet store.
[The gang takes the in store train to the other end of the mall]
Joe: Sure is great having a train in the mall.
Katie: That it is.
James: Why wasn’t this train here a bit ago?
Joe: Who cares, it’s probably just a MasChrist ploy to have people see the rest of the mall in comfort.
Katie: Then why are we leaving the mall?
Joe: We should jump off now, shouldn’t we.
Katie: Think so.
[the ticket puncher comes by]
Katie: We’re going to jump the train now Mr. Puncher guy.
Puncher: Okay, I just need to see your tickets or we will have to throw you off…at a complete stop of course.
Joe: We don’t have our tickets, let’s just jump now.
[The gang rolls out of the train and into the Cactus store]
Joe: What else is new?
Katie: Here’s the pet store, let’s go in.
James: Not that I know, but wasn’t this a lingerie store before.
Katie: I think so.
[As the gang enters they notice that all the animals are dressed up in little outfits]
Joe: This is creepy.
Katie: Look this animal is in a little corset, isn’t that cute and highly inappropriate.
Store owner: Hello, are you looking for anything special today?
Joe: What did you do to the animals?
Katie: Joe!!
Joe: Sorry [smiles] What did you do to the animals?
Store owner: It’s okay…the old store that was here couldn’t get rid of all of it’s “merchandise,” so we just kept it and shrunk it and put it on the animals.
James: It’s a good idea when you think about it.
Joe: No it isn’t, would you like to be put in a small outfit and pranced around.  Don’t answer that.
James: No, I wouldn’t…what color is it?
Katie: I think you would look great in red, it makes your legs look thinner.
Store owner: A guy who puts lingerie on animals can we keep our attention on me.
Joe: Do you have any cats?
Katie: Joe, you’re allergic to cats, what are you doing?
Joe: It’s simple, when animals are in skimpy outfits, the allergens can’t be produced cause the sexiness overpowers the allergic reaction.
James: Makes sense…somehow.
[ Joe goes into the room with the animals]
Joe [coughing]: I told you.
Katie: Are you okay, you’re coughing.
Joe: It’s fine, I swallowed a mini-nightgown, don’t ask me how…believe you me, birds like to try to fly into your mouth…it’s not a pretty sight seeing a scantly clad bird fly at you.
James: So we’re not going to get any animals?
Katie: I would say no.
Joe: These animals are floozies anyways.
Shop owner: They are animals of the night, how dare you!

 

Scene Seven:

“It’s a Blunderful Life”

Location: The Dayboqrx Bridge, The Penthouse

Characters: The Gang, a Specter

 

[ John is standing alone on the Dayboqrx Bridge]
John: I feel like I have nothing to live for.
[A specter comes out of nowhere]
Specter: Cheer up there buddy ol’ pal…everything’s gonna be A OK.
John: What?  I don’t understand your accent.
Specter: What are you squawking about daddy-oh, I’m here to show what life would be like if you were never born.
John: But I wasn’t going to kill myself, I was just standing here.
Specter: Oh man, that means that someone else is gonna [a splash is heard in the near off distance]…shoot.
John: Can you still show me my life without me?
Specter: Whatever floats your boat.
John: I don’t have a boat.
Specter: Okay, I’m gonna have to have you help me out here man, I need you to help me recite the line, so we can go on our journey.
John: Why do I have to help you?
Specter: Cause my secretary is on holiday, so stop flapping your gums and let’s go.
John [reciting the lines]: I’M A SQUARE…I ALSO LIKE SQUAWKING.
[The specter’s laughing hysterically]
Specter: Man, I got you good.
John: Did you?
[The two of then disappear into a strange fog and show up at the penthouse]
Specter: See, if you weren’t born, this penthouse wouldn’t be here.
John: What are you talking about?
Specter: Sorry, I have nothing, I got all the info for the wrong person.
[The two of them go into the penthouse]
Joe: Man it sure is sad with John not being born.
Katie: If he isn’t alive, how do you know about him?
Joe: Oh yeah…I mean it’s sure is sad not knowing that John was not born…that better?
[Katie slaps her forehead and just walks away]
John: Can they see me?
[ James waves to John as he looks at the gang]
John: I’ll take that as a yes.
Specter: See the gang is devastated now that you’re not born.
John: No, they are not, because they can see me and they apparently know that I was born.
Specter: Will you cut me a break here, I’m just a temp.
John: Here you go [hands the specter a car brake as a crash is heard from outside the window]
Specter: Yeesh…and I know what you’re thinking, man this specter’s too famous to be my guide on my life journey, and you’re right but I go where I am needed.
John: I didn’t need you, you went to the wrong person.
Specter: I’m Frank Sinatra. I can do what I want.
Joe: Oh my God, Mr. Sinatra, can I have your autograph?
Specter: Sure kid and call me Frank.
Joe: Ok Frank, it’s really great to meet you, it sucks it had to be under these circumstances.
Specter: Well, I must be going now, I will see you in a few years.
John: Why?
Specter: Sorry, I keep forgetting the other guy already died silly me…well ciao babies, stay hip!
Katie: Nice guy, he kinda had a heavy accent though.
John: Thank you!!!

 

Scene Eight:

“Drunky the Snowbum”

Location: Tragedy Avenue and 214th Street

Characters: The Gang, Drunky

 

Joe: You know what would make me feel better about myself and score points with the guy above.

Man on Top Balcony: THREE POINTS!

Katie: Helping your fellow man?
Joe: Exactly, good guess.
James: It wasn’t a guess, you’re wearing a shirt that says “it’s fun to do good for your fellow man.”
Joe: Well, if you want to believe a shirt and the matching boxers…
Katie: You got matching boxers, let me see!!
Joe: Only if you buy me a drink first.  [he laughs]
A Bum: Did someone say a drink?
James: Who are you?
Bum: The name’s Drunky The Snowbum [kisses Joe’s hand and shakes his own]
Katie: I’m almost scared to ask…but why do they call you that?
Drunky: Shhhh, it’s a secret, but when I get drunk I turn into a real man.
Joe: This I got to see, give him some sip of the hooch.
Katie: Joe, he’s already a real man.
Joe: His nose’s red like that snowman in the story, it’s the same thing, give him some hooch.
James: That’s a different holiday story, and the snowman’s nose was a carrot, not red.
Joe: I still want to see the guy turn into a real man.
John: You do realize you just said that “guy” into a man?
Joe: It’s a figure if speech, it works for snowmen too.
Drunky: Not to interrupt your riveting conversation, but I can also do magic.
Joe: Did you hear that, magic, now we have to do it!
John: You know what, fine we’ll do it just to make you happy.
Joe: That’s all I ask.
[The gang goes into the Liquor Store to get the stuff]
John: You do realize that none of us can buy the stuff cause we’re all under the age.
Katie: I can buy cigarettes.
John: So?
Katie: It’s easy, I buy the pack of cigarettes, and sell it for opium to a needy man and then trade the drugs for the sweet brewed water for our magic man over there.
James: Or we could just go and give the money to the guy and have him get it.
Joe: That’s just dumb, how’s the magic supposed to work if he does it himself…geesh.
James: You’re right, I’m sorry.
John: Hello Mr. Beverageman
Clerk: That’s Hank Beverageman…and what do you want kid?
Joe: Well, there’s this guy outside, and he’s magic, and if we give him some hooch then he will turn into a real man.
Hank: Are you sure you didn’t hit the bottle already coming in here with all that crazy talk.
Joe: NO, I have a restraining order against that bottle, he hit me first.
[The gang leaves the Store and sees the man levitating while some kids are
giving him Smirnoff]
John: Well I’ll be…
James: What will you be?
John: Never mind, lets just keep shopping.
Joe: Wait how did we get from the penthouse before back here to the mall?
[Drunky mouths the word “shloprt” as the gang looks on confused]

Drunky: Magic.

 

Scene Nine:

“Shopping For Stupidity”

Location: The Dayboqrx Mall at the Connection, Tragedy Avenue outside Dayboqrx University

Characters: The Gang, Dr. Johnson

 

John: Do you think we should get Dr. Johnson a gift?
Joe: NO, that moron said that I had children.
James: How are the twins?
Joe: They are goo…shut up.
John: Not that one, the professor of our class.
Joe: I stand by my last statement.
John: They are good…shut up?
Joe: Yes.
Katie: I have a great idea, I saw a great gift for our old teacher.
Joe: He’s kinda young for most professors.
Katie: Again, that was just a saying.
Joe: Oh sorry.
[The Gang enters a Cardboard cutout store and come out with a tall wrapped cut out]
Joe: This is going to be great, he can’t yell at us anymore cause we’re all nice and cool for giving him this.
Katie: Madness and anger gone happy in.
John: Do you think that anyone else will have given him anything?
Joe: No, they are all not as great as us.
Katie: US?
Joe: Oh Katie, give it up, we’re all great.
Katie: You know what, I never thought of it that…NO just me.
John: Joe, just give it to her, it’s all that she has.
[The gang gets to the school and sees there’s a line out the door]
Joe: Must be the school doing that soup kitchen thing again.
John: Joe, most of these people are from our class.
Joe: Wow you’re right, you really wouldn’t of ever known they were poor from the looks of it.
Katie: I’ve been thinking it over, and I forgive you for not realizing my greatness.
Joe [not caring]: Thank you.
Katie: Don’t beat yourself about it.
Joe: Stop hitting me Katie.
Katie: Then stop beating yourself up.
James: We’re next.
John: That was fast.
Katie: Time flies by when you’re having people hit themselves.
[The gang gets up to Dr. Johnson and hands him a gift]
Dr. Johnson: Thank you it’s so unexpected…but I’m sorry you lose points cause I had you scheduled for later.
Joe: What?
Dr. Johnson: Let me take a look at this thing that you have bought.

[He opens the paper up and is in a state of utter fear]
Joe: See, that’s the color of the snowman in the movie…dead white.
John: Don’t you like it, it was the last one, we had to search for a bit, but we managed to get the last one.
Katie: Who would of thought that they had a Tom Selleck on a pillow with a live robotic scorpion on it…we had to fight a guy to get it. but we did it.
Joe: I think he likes it.  The slobber dripping out of his mouth looks like happy saliva.
John: You’re welcome.
James: Wait isn’t all those things what he’s scared of, not loves?
Joe: Oh right!!
John: Here’s the receipt if you would like to exchange it.
Joe: Look at that, he can’t take his eyes off it…he hasn’t blinked for like ten minutes now.  We have done good.

 

Scene Ten:

“A Day That Will Live in MasChristfimy”

Location: The Penthouse, the Dayboqrx Mall at the Connection

Characters: The Gang, Benji

 

[ Joe’s laying on the couch with a bat as John, and James comes out and sees all their presents]
James: Joe, what are you doing with that bat?
Joe: I heard that Santa was bothering kids at the mall so I thought I would protect myself…last night I think I got him.
[Katie limps out of her room]
Katie: Don’t ask.
Joe: Did you hear that, I clipped Santa in the leg, that pervert was trying to kiss me.

Katie: Imagine that…
[The gang begins to open their presents]
John: Guys here, open mine first [hands the three of them some boxes]
[they rip open the boxes and see the fruitcakes and shock collars]
Joe: Thank you?
Katie: Neat?
James: My brick can do tricks[he throws it up and watches it flip and land on the floor making cracks in the floorboards]
John: No silly, that’s a fruitcake.
James: He can be any sexual preference he feels like, I love him all the same.
John: Try on the collars, they look like they fit you perfectly.
Joe: Mine says Jane on it.
John: Sorry that was James’ one, cause it’s the closest one to his name.
Katie: Mine says Joe.
John: That one’s for you Katie.
Joe: Mine says Mitsy.
John: So what, do you want someone else’s?
Joe: Yes, like maybe Katie’s.
Katie No way, this one’s mine, it says it right on it.
Joe: It says my name.
Katie: Mitsy, it clearly doesn’t.
John: Just put them on please, so I can see if they fit.
[As the collars are put on the all activate]
John: You like?
Joe: Mine hurts.
John: That means its working.
Joe: NO, it means it hurts…take it off me.
Katie: Me too.
James: I kinda like mine.
Joe: You didn’t put it on, you have it still there in your hand.
James: That’s why I kinda like it.
John: Put it on.
James: Ow, this thing hurts, I don’t like it anymore.
[Benji busts through the door wearing a mistletoe outfit]
Benji: Guess what time it is?
Joe: I don’t have to, the clock’s right there.
John: Can someone lock out Benji?
Katie: I’m on it [as she gets to the door she’s shocked a lot]
Benji: Ah Katie, your love for me is shocking. [he laughs as she fries]
Joe: I‘ll get you Katie. [he also falls over in pain as he’s shocked]
Benji: You’re nice, but I’m not into guys, sorry.
[Benji just walks away with a Santa outfit under his arm]
Joe [shaking]: TURN ITTTTTT OFFFFFFFFF.
John: Can’t, I don’t have the key, that was extra.
[all three of them are laying on the floor shaking while being shocked]
John: Ah our first MasChrist, I hope they are all as magical as this.
[scene switches to Benji standing outside the Mall yelling to let him in]
Benji: I’m here to work, why is no one here?
Manager: It’s the day of MasChrist, you’re not needed anymore.
Benji: You told me I had the job I thought this was a year round thing…I quit my job at the dog food factory…okay maybe I just took a day off…okay maybe I was forced to take a day off.
Manager: Go away, you’re not needed anymore.
Benji: Fine, but I’m keeping the outfit.
Manager: No you aren’t, you’re going to give it back.
Benji: You may have gotten me on that…and just to piss you off more I’m going to dry clean it too.
Manager [faking shock]: Please no and don’t get my dry cleaning too.
Benji: Nice try, now I’m gonna get it, and give you $10 too, man you’re really gonna get it now.
Manager: I hate you.
Benji: I know I know…trust me, wait hate I thought you said steak.
Manager: Leave!!!
Benji: Keep your pants on or I will dry clean them and show you a thing or three.

 

Scene Eleven:
”On the 16th Day of MasChrist”

Location: The Penthouse

Characters: The Gang

 

[The Gang is sitting around the MasChrist tree and fire singing]

The Gang: On the sixteenth day of MasChrist, some robot gave to me, sixteen flaming squirrels, fifteen toothless hicks, fourteen woolly mammoths, thirteen [The Gang screams as if afraid of the number 13], twelve booklets in Swahili, eleven camping hamsters, ten brakeless out of control trucks speeding down a hill driven by drunken rabid and crazy alligators, nine [The Gang mumbles over 9, as if all forgetting what it stood for], eight Victorian doorknobs, seven zombies zombing, six wooden panels, five…deadly snakes, four broken watches, three calculators, two rocks, and a Dayboqrx in a TV.  HAPPY MASCHRIST EVERYONE!

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