“On Our Own”

Episode Twenty-Nine (#1P29)

The Gang Throws a Dayboqrx Par-tay!

Written by John Painting

NOTE TO THE READER: To fully understand scene five, make sure you play this game for a couple of minutes.

Scene One:

“So, What’s On Tap For Tonight?”

Location: The Penthouse balcony

Characters: John, James, Joe

[ it’s early morning and John is standing alone on the balcony, looking out into the rain, as James comes outside]

James: What are you doing out here so early in the morning?

John: Just thinking about how we haven’t done anything interesting in a while.

James: We’ve been playing a lot of board games lately.

John: We’ve played Scrabble every day for the past month.

James: And we’re heading into week five of the regular season, and things are getting interesting.

John: Joe is way in first place because he keeps making up words.

[ Joe walks onto the balcony]

Joe: Good zelbaphone guys, what are you doing up so xercaliquick?

John: We’re just thinking about how we haven’t done anything interesting in a while.

Joe: Don’t get upset because your losing guys.

John: I’m just sick of Scrabble.

Joe: Sounds like somebody’s a sore loser.

James: John’s right, we need to do something interesting.

Joe: How about we throw a party tonight?

John: Sounds interesting, but will we have time to prepare for one?

[ Joe has already created a banner reading “PARTY TONIGHT” and hung it over the balcony]

Joe: I should hope so.

OPENING CREDITS:

Song: (to the same theme music as Cheers)

1. Musical Beginning

2. Sometimes you wanna go, where it is always gonna rain,

3. And you'll always be in pain.

4. You wanna be where you can see, the people are all insane,

5. You wanna go where you can be eaten by a Great Dane.

6. Musical Ending

Sequence: (corresponding line by line from the song above)

1. A view of downtown Dayboqrx, with the text "On Our Own" along the center of the screen.

2. John is seen, startled by the camera man in a supermarket, accidentally knocking over a shelf creating a domino effect, his name on the bottom of the screen.

3. James is seen in the rainy parking lot, his fingers shaped as a gun pretending to shoot at nothing, his name on the bottom of the screen.

4. Joe is seen in the rainy parking lot, chasing a sheep, he stops, smiles, and waves at the camera, his name on the bottom of the screen.

5. Katie is seen arguing with a light pole, her name on the bottom of the screen.

6. John comes running from the supermarket, mouthing the words "Run for your life." The Gang runs as the store collapses and are chased by a pack of Great Danes. On the bottom of the screen reads "Created by John Painting and James Achaia."

Scene Two:

“Quick Preparation”

Location: The Penthouse

Characters: The Gang

John: Joe, for future reference, the next time we decide to throw a party, we give ourselves a little more than twelve hours notice.

Joe: Why, we got this in the bag…I’m almost done with the invitations anyway.

Katie: Besides, as long as we don’t invite Benji, everything should be fine.

Benji [from outside the door]: I’ll be there!

James: Good job Katie.

Joe: And done…here you guys go. [he hands John a napkin] I’ll get ready with the photocopy machine.

John: We’re not photocopying a napkin as our party invitation.

James: Just read the invitation, how does it sound?

John [reading]: “Get ready to pratty,” you spelled party wrong, “tonight at da gang’s house. Beer provided by Lefty. Great music and a lot of fun. It’ll be the greatest par-tay/shindig of the year.” Okay, this last line I really don’t get, “Don’t forget to bring your nostrils.”

Joe: We can’t have our guests forgetting their nostrils, now can we?

John: Even still, we can’t promise beer, we’re not old enough to sell it…and where are we gonna get this music, all of our CD’s were scratched by Benji’s cats.

James: Maybe we should postpone it then.

John: Good idea, I’ll take the banner is.

[ John goes onto the balcony]

Voice [from the street below]: HEY LOOK, THERE’S GONNA BE A PARTY TONIGHT!

Voice #2: Oh, I am so there.

Voice #3: Awesome, I hope they don’t postpone like the last guys that promised a party did.

Voice #2: Oh they won’t, I’ll make sure of that. Just ask my friend Louie…as in Louisville Slugger.

[ John runs back into the house]

John: Yeah, we’re not gonna be able to postpone this thing.

James: Why not?

John: Just ask Louie.

James: …Ville Slugger?

John: Exactly.

Joe: It’s a good thing we’ve got the invitations written up.

Katie: I’ll look into buying some snacks.

James: I guess I should talk to Lefty, so we can come through on at least one promise.

John: That leaves me and Joe to music then.

Joe [relaxing on the couch]: Hey, I did the invitations already, my job is done.

John: Fine, I’ll head down to the mall to get some party CD’s. Joe, I’d look into sending out those invitations as soon as possible…and the mail won’t be quick enough, you may actually have to put them in people’s mailboxes, okay? [ Joe doesn’t answer] Okay???

[ Joe is fast asleep on the couch]

John: James, would you…[ John turns around to see that Katie and James have left already] Fine, I’ll do it myself.

Scene Three:

“The First Four Million Guests Arrive”

Location: An uptown bound 8 train; The Penthouse

Characters: John, James, Joe and Benji

[ John sits on a moving 8 train, holding a plastic bag full of CD’s]

John: It’s a good thing there was a convenient sale on dance and party CD’s today, I only spent one hundred dollars on all these.

Man: Great.

John: I know, it must be my lucky day.

Man: It sure is.

John: Wait a minute, who the hell are you?

Man: I’m your fairy godmother, here to grant you three wishes.

John: If you’re my fairy godmother, then why did you take the form of a 40 year old construction worker?

Fairy Godmother: Hey, I didn’t choose this form, you did.

John: When?

Fairy Godmother: Three seconds ago, Einstein.

John: Umm…okay.

Fairy Godmother: C’mon, three wishes, I ain’t got all day.

John: Okay, three wishes…I suppose…well, I really wish I had a bear, novelty sodas, and some type of hovercraft powered by plutonium.

Conduction [over intercom]: 80^th Street…74^th Street is next.

John: This is my stop. [the fairy godmother trips John as he attempts to leave the train, he drops the CD cases, causing metal to shatter across the train car] Ah crap.

Fairy Godmother: See you at the party.

[scene switches to the penthouse]

James: Gee, I really hope John shows up with the music soon.

Joe: Hey, I did my part.

James: Umm, I know, but there are other parts we have to worry about first.

Joe: Name one.

James: Well, I really hope John shows up with the music soon.

Joe: That’s not something we should worry about.

[Benji enters followed by all of his cats]

Benji: Am I late?

Joe: This, however, IS something we should worry about.

Benji: Wow, this party is exciting! Where’s the dip?

James: For one, you’re three hours too early. Two…you know, I’m not even gonna finish that thought, you’re three hours too early.

Benji: My watch says it’s four o’clock, I’m right on time.

James: The party doesn’t start until seven.

Benji: My invitation doesn’t say seven, it says four.

Joe: We didn’t send you an invitation, you invited yourself.

Benji: The invitation in my mind says four, so where’s the dip?

James: Katie’s not back with the food yet.

Benji: Why is she so lazy…[under his breath] and lovely.

Joe: What?

Benji: I said “rend glubly.”

Joe: Oh, okay…I thought you said something incoherent.

[ John enters]

Benji: Thank God, where’s the dip?

John: That was Katie’s job, but I have a bigger problem.

Benji: Is it about the dip?

John: Benji, why are you here, and why are all of those things here?

[the cats attack John]

Benji: They’re attacking you because you haven’t forked over the dip yet.

Joe: Suppose we should help him?

James: Nah, this is entertaining.

Scene Four:

“Underage, Schmunderage”

Location: The Penthouse

Characters: The Gang, Lefty, Benji, Seven Drunkards

James: What do you mean, “I broke all 30 CD’s”?

John: Well, I was on the subway, when this weird guy started talking to me, and he said he was my fairy godmother, so he granted me three wishes, and then when it was my stop, he tripped me, and the CD’s went flying.

Joe: That’s the worst story I’ve ever heard.

John: Oh is it…remember that one time…

[flashback to a few months ago

[an elephant is chewing up the gang’s sofa]

Katie: Joe, what the hell happened here?

Joe: Well, I was just coming back from my daily walk on the moon when an alien space craft beamed me aboard and told me, if I don’t make an elephant eat our sofa, then they’ll take all of the oxygen away from the Earth.

end flashback]

Joe: Hey, be glad we have our oxygen, I did you all a favor.

Benji: Guys, I think we’re ignoring the big picture, namely the dip. Now, hypothetically, and I’m just gonna throw this scenario out here, but let’s just say that there’s this party thrown by four people named John Painting, Joe Termine, James Achaia, and Katie Stalin, now this is all still [air quotes] hypothetical.

John: Very specific to be hypothetical.

Benji: Stop interrupting me, anyway, in this hypothetical party, they invite this amazing wizard named Benji, who owns lots of cats. Now, the wizard runs his magical powers on magic…and where does he get this magic? Let me tell you, he…

[Katie bursts in]

Katie: Alright, I got plenty of dip, this party should be set food-wise.

Benji: And they all lived happily ever after…now, let’s break out the dip!

James: So, really how did you break all of the CD’s?

John: I already told you, where’ve you been?

[Lefty walks in]

Lefty: This party better be great, I closed down the bar for this.

Joe: What will you do about all your customers?

[seven drunkards follow Lefty]

Drunk #1: Hey Larry, look, it’s as beautiful as that Las Vegas place.

Larry (Drunk #2): Punch buggy, no punch backs. [Larry punches a hole in the wall]

Lefty: I suppose that answered your question.

John: We can’t sell beer here, most of the guests will be underage.

Lefty: Oh, underage, schmunderage.

Benji: As long as they don’t eat the dip, the drunks are fine by me.

Drunk #3 [to Katie]: Hey there pretty lady, how’s about a nice game of pokeepi.

Benji: OH NO YOU DON’T…

Katie: What the hell is pokeepi?

Drunk #3: It’s the game of…[he passes out]

Benji: He got what was coming to him…okay, so WHERE’S THE DIP!?!

COMMERCIAL

Scene Five:

“200+ Miles Per Hour”

Location: The Penthouse

Characters: The Gang, Benji, Dr. Johnson, partygoers

Katie: So, what are we gonna do about the music, now that John dropped the ball.

John: I’ve got an idea.

[ John whispers in Katie’s ear]

Katie: That’ll never work.

John: Trust me, it shall.

Joe: It’s seven o’clock, and…wait no, it’s 6:59 and 55 seconds.

James: It’s not like people will show up at exactly seven.

[the clock strikes seven and there’s a knock at the door]

Joe: Shut you up.

James: No, I’m not done…

Joe: So, who’s gonna get the door?

Katie: I will.

[Katie opens the door and the hall is filled with people]

Man #1: So, is this the place for the party?

Katie: Ummm…

Man #2: That’s good enough for me.

[everybody piles into the penthouse]

[time passes]

Man #1: So, where’s the music?

[ John, James, and Joe are huddled around the computer]

John: We’re working on it…load damn you load!

[the game loads]

James: That did it.

Man #2: Hey, I can’t hear it!

[a slapping sound is heard]

Katie: What the hell was that?

Benji: More importantly…

Katie: Benji, I told you already, the dip is on the table.

Benji: Much thanks.

[another slapping sound is heard]

Man #1: Where’s the music!?!

Joe: It’s coming, we just need to spank the monkey a little harder.

Katie: Did he just say what I think he said?

[another slap, and the music begins]

John: Alright, 205 miles per hour.

James: Ah, so it has to go over 200, I get it.

[everybody is dancing, and suddenly the music stops]

John: Uh oh.

Katie: Some plan John.

Man #2: What happened?

[another slap and the music starts up again, everybody starts dancing again]

James: This is gonna be a long night.

Katie: Okay, I just called Dr. Johnson, he’s bringing over some music…he should be here within the next…

[Dr. Johnson bursts in]

Dr. Johnson: Hey, so I was sitting at home, wondering if there were any parties tonight when Katie called me to finally invite me to this party that you guys were throwing.

Benji: Hey, where’s Bill?

Dr. Johnson: I’m right here.

Benji: In that case, where’s the dip?

Dr. Johnson: Anyway, I brought you the music. [he hands Katie a plastic bag]

Katie: Thank God, wait a minute, what’s this…”Dr. Johnson Sings Journey?”

Dr. Johnson: Enjoy.

Scene Six:

“Just Mention a Robotic Scorpion”

Location: The Penthouse

Characters: The Gang, Benji, Dr. Johnson, partygoers

[Dr. Johnson’s CD is playing, and all of the partygoers are trying to hold their ears]

Dr. Johnson [singing out of key on the CD]: Don’t stop…believin’…hold on to that [he pauses to think of the words] feelin’……street lights, people…OH WHOA!!!!!

Katie: I’ve had enough of this. [she turns the music off]

Man #1: Oh thank God.

Katie: I never thought I’d say this, but John, could you get that game going again?

John: Ah, no can do Katie, I’m well enthralled in this game…it’s called…

Katie [yelling]: IF YOU DON’T GET THAT OTHER GAME WITH THE MUSIC GOING AGAIN, I’LL MAKE YOU LISTEN TO DR. JOHNSON’S JOURNEY CD 24-7 FOR THE NEXT YEAR!

John: On second thought, let’s play “Spank the Monkey” again.

Joe: Hey, where is Dr. Johnson anyway?

[the phone rings]

John: I’ll get it. [he picks up the phone] Hello?

Voice: Is this John?

John: Yes, can I help you?

Voice: NO YOU CANNOT!!! YOU’RE A FAILURE AT EVERYTHING YOU DO!

[the man on the other end hangs up]

John [putting down the phone]: That was odd.

James: Who was it?

John: I don’t know.

[the phone rings again]

John: Hello?

Voice: John again?

John: Who is this?

Voice: I represent the Dayboqrx Chamber of Alcohol.

John [worried]: Ummm, okay.

Voice: I heard you’re selling alcohol to minors, is this true?

John: Well…wait a minute, aren’t you the same person that called me a few seconds ago and called me a failure.

[the man on the other end hangs up]

John: I’m dialing star-6-9 to see who this is.

Female Voice: The last call was received from 1-321-555-7613.

John [hanging up the phone]: Katie?

Katie: What?

John: These prank calls are coming from your cell phone number.

Katie: That’s impossible, I gave my phone to Dr. John…

[the phone rings]

John: Hello?

Voice: Again, this is the Dayboqrx Chamber of Alcohol calling for John Painting.

John: Really, let me just put down my robotic scorpion and take this call.

[the man on the other end screams and hangs up]

[Dr. Johnson comes running out of the bathroom, completely pale]

Benji: Hey Bill, where were you?

[Dr. Johnson falls face first into the dip]

Benji: Damn it Bill…hey guys…where’s the rest of the dip?

Scene Seven:

“A Campaign Trail Runs Through It”

Location: The Penthouse

Characters: The Gang, Benji, Uhdulph, Fairy Godmother, Bear

James: So, should we try to revive Dr. Johnson?

Benji: What would be the point? He already ruined the dip.

John: Benji, he’s your best friend, the least you could do is save him from drowning in dip.

Benji: Hey, he knows how much dip means to me!

[ John pulls Dr. Johnson’s face out of the dip]

John: Problem solved.

Benji: Ahem, I don’t believe it has been, I don’t see…

Katie: New dip! [Katie places a new bowl on the table]

Benji: Problem solved.

[a knock is heard at the door]

Joe: Who could that be?

James: I’ll get it.

[he opens the door and it’s Uhdulph]

Benji: HEY EVERYBODY, IT’S DAYBOQRX’S NEW MAYORAL CANDIDATE, UHDULPH HEETLAR!!!

Uhdulph: Vote Heetlar for Mayor in 2004.

James: Uhdulph, are you here solely to boost your campaign for mayor?

Uhdulph: I’ll answer that question in a second, first, let me comb my mustache. [he spends about a minute combing his mustache] Is it even?

Joe: Sure.

Uhdulph: Anyway, I expect you will all be voting for me in the November election.

John: Well, I can’t.

Uhdulph: AND WHY NOT!!!

John: I won’t be 18.

Uhdulph: A likely excuse. Anyway, time for me to do some hand shaking.

James: You never answered my question.

Katie: Since he’s walking around shaking everybody’s hands, I would assume yes, he’s only here to boost his campaign.

[as Uhdulph shakes everybody’s hands, another knock is heard at the door]

John: Now who could this be?

[ John opens the door, it’s his fairy godmother]

John: Oh no, it’s my fairy godmother.

Fairy Godmother: Hey, I’m grantin’ ya favahs ova heeh, calm down.

John: You mean wishes?

Fairy Godmother: Whateva…anyway, here’s ya three wishes…here are ya novelty sodas.

[he hands John several colored soda cans]

John: Awesome, I’ve always wanted novelty sodas.

Fairy Godmother: Here’s ya hovercraft, powered by plutonium.

[he struggles to pull a large hovercraft into the penthouse]

John: Cool!

Fairy Godmother: And if that wasn’t enough, here’s your own personal bear.

[a man in a bear suit walks in]

Bear: Boo.

John: I wanted a real bear.

Bear: I am a real bear.

John: Bears can’t talk.

Bear: I mean…roar.

John: At least I got two of the three wishes.

Fairy Godmother: You don’t like the bear?

John: It’s not a bear.

Bear: I am too a bear.

Fairy Godmother: Have fun.

Bear: So……got any dip?

Benji: Way ahead of ya, buddy.

COMMERCIAL

Scene Eight:

“Audio Dancing”

Location: The Penthouse

Characters: The Gang, Benji, Lefty, Bear

Man #1: Hey, where’s the drinks in this place? You guys promised beer.

Bear: I’m a bear.

Man #1: I said beer, not bear.

Bear: I heard bear.

James: Where is Lefty anyway?

Bear: I’m right here.

James: I didn’t say bear.

Bear: I heard bear.

James: I didn’t say anything close to bear.

[Lefty comes running into the room]

Lefty: I’ve got an idea.

John: Oh no, I didn’t think this party could possibly get any worse, but it will.

Lefty: How could you doubt my idea?

John: Because every other idea you’ve had has failed miserably, often at our expense.

Lefty: This will be different, all I need from you is a thousand dollar deposit.

Joe: If the plan fails, will you pay us back?

Lefty: We’ll see.

John: I think that means no.

Lefty: Thank you, interpreter.

John: No problem. I’m hard at work on a full English to Lefty translation dictionary. [he pulls out a pad and paper] [writing] We’ll see means no.

Lefty: Will you just listen to my idea?

Katie: What is it?

Lefty: Audio dance training tapes.

Joe [whispering to James]: Will this idea work?

James: No.

Lefty: Before you make your decision on if you want to sponsor me…

Katie: We have already.

Lefty: At least give it a listen.

John: Fine, put it into the stereo system.

[Lefty puts the tape in]

Lefty: Prepare to be amazed.

John: …at the terrible-ness.

Lefty [on the tape]: Welcome to Audio Dance Lessons, Volume One…I’m Lefty Davidson. Our first lesson will be the tango.

[a knocking sound is heard on tape]

John: What the hell was that?

Joe [voice on tape]: Who could that be?

James [voice on tape]: I’ll get it.

Benji [loudly on tape]: HEY EVERYBODY, IT’S DAYBOQRX’S NEW MAYORAL CANDIDATE, UHDULPH HEETLAR!!!

Lefty [on the tape]: And 1, 2, 3, 4…1, 2, 3, 4…1, 2, 3, 4…1, 2, 3, 4.

Katie: How do you expect these to work, you’re just repeating numbers on tape.

Lefty: It’s an audio dance tape.

John: I hope that’s not your final copy, you can hear our voices on it.

Lefty: How do you suppose we fix that?

John: We don’t sell these tapes because they’ll never work.

Bear: I’ll take ten.

[the bear and Lefty exchange money/tapes]

John: What?

Bear: I need to learn how to dance so I can ask this girl out.

Scene Nine:

“You Can’t Have Too Much Chlorine”

Location: The Penthouse

Characters: The Gang, Dr. Johnson

Dr. Johnson [singing on his CD]: She loves to laugh, she loves to sing, she does everything…she loves to move, she loves to groove, she loves the lovin’ thing…oh all night, all night, oh every night…so hold tight, hold tight, oh baby hold tight…oh, she said, any way you want it, that’s the way you need it, any way you want it…

James: Well, this party has been a pretty big bust, wouldn’t you say?

John: Well, when you have about ten hours to plan, and you have some friends like we have, what would you expect?

James: Touché.

Joe: There’s not much that can save it at this point.

James: I’ve got an idea.

Lefty: Hey so did I, they’ll just shoot it down.

James: Yeah, but your ideas suck.

Lefty: I’ll give you that.

James: Why don’t we all go for a swim?

John: James, the last time we put chlorine in the pool, must’ve been three months ago.

James: I know how to handle this.

[he runs into the back room]

Joe: This can’t end well.

Katie: I think it can.

[Katie’s dream sequence

Joe: Phew, good thing that ended well.

end dream sequence]

Katie: See?

Joe: You got me.

[ James comes out of the back room with several large bags]

Katie: Jam…

John: He knows what he’s doing.

Joe: Does he?

[They watch as James pours a powdery substance into the pool]

John: Maybe he doesn’t know what he’s doing. JAMES!

James: I know what I’m doing.

John: Can’t argue with that one.

James: Okay, everybody in the pool!

[a large majority of the partygoers jump into the pool and begin screaming]

Dr. Johnson: It burns!

Man #1: What’s in here, acid?

James: No, believe me, you’d know if it was acid.

John: James?

James: What?

John: What did you put in the pool?

James: Chlorine, you know, to cleanse it.

John: How much?

James: About three months worth.

Joe: You can’t just add that much chlorine at once, it’s harmful.

James: Relax, I tried it out on myself in the back room, and I feel just fine.

John: Three months worth?

James: Well, one days worth…but if one day is fine, who’s to say that eighty-nine more wouldn’t be.

John: Me.

Joe: Me.

Katie: Three.

James: Fine, I guess I made a bad decision here…honestly, you can’t fault me, this party has been a disaster, I just had to add to it.

Joe: Phew, good thing that ended well.

John: What???

Joe: Had to make Katie’s dream sequence right.

Katie: Katie 1 – The Guys NOTHIN’!!

Scene Ten:

“Okay, This Party’s Over”

Location: The Penthouse

Characters: The Gang, Lefty, Benji, Bear, two hookers

James: Honestly, I didn’t see a problem with the chlorine.

John: It doesn’t matter, the party’s winding down, and I’m honestly looking forward to playing Scrabble again tomorrow.

James: I thought you said Scrabble was boring?

Joe: Blasphemy!

Lefty: Guys, I’ve calculated damages, and I lost three thousand dollars in business by going to your party, so…when do you suppose you pay me back?

James: I never said anything about paying you.

Lefty: Then how come I have this verbal contract right here in my hand?

James: How are you holding a verbal contract?

Lefty: I expect the payment by Wednesday.

[Lefty leaves]

Benji: That’s okay…I’ll help you pay…just one thing first.

Katie: We’re out of dip, you ate it all.

Benji: In that case, I won’t help you pay…anyway, I should take Dr. Johnson home, he’s had a rough night.

[a knock is heard at the door]

John: It’s 12:30, who could be showing up at this hour?

[ John opens the door to see two hookers]
Hooker #1: This the party?

John: Ummm…

Hooker #2: I’ll take that as a yes.

Bear: Finally, my chance to impress these ladies with my new dancing skills.

John: Here we go.

Bear: Excuse me miss, care to dance?

Hooker #1: There’s no music playing.

Bear: 1, 2, 3, 4…1, 2, 3, 4…1, 2, 3, 4…1, 2, 3, 4.

Hooker #1: What the hell are you doing?

Bear: Dancing.

Hooker #2: Who taught you? Lefty.

[the hookers begin laughing]

Bear: Yes.

[the hookers laugh more hysterically]

Bear: This is a disaster, I’m gonna try to get my money back from Lefty for these.

James: Good luck with that one.

Hooker #1: So, where’s the food?

Joe: We’re out, the party was almost over.

Hooker #2: Fine, we’re leaving.

[the two hookers leave]

John: Okay, this party’s officially over. Everybody out.

[everybody begins filing out]

James: Glad that’s over.

Katie: Worst idea Joe ever had.

Joe: It’s not my fault John wanted to throw a party.

John: Hey…

James: I know, it wasn’t your idea, it was Joe’s, we know.

John: No, those hooker’s stole my novelty sodas. [he runs out the door]

COMMERCIAL

Scene Eleven:

“Powered by Plutonium”

Location: High above Dayboqrx City

Characters: The Gang, Bear

John: And if you look to your right, you’ll see the Connection.

James: Lotta cars for this time of night.

Joe: It’s two in the morning, why is there so much traffic?

John: It’s Dayboqrx, this is traffic from earlier this afternoon.

Katie: It’s cold and rainy, can we go back.

John: I’m still getting a feel for this hovercraft.

Bear: I’m a bear.

Joe: We know.

Bear: Just checking.

John: Anyway, where do you think I should land this thing?

Joe: Back at our place.

John: Too risky, I’m gonna pick that burning park over there.

James [sarcastic]: This oughtta be fun.

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