“On Our Own”

Episode Twenty-Three (#1P23)

The Gang’s Flashback

 

Written by John Painting

 

NOTE TO THE READER: Don’t be confused by the changing colors in this episode.  Do to the flashback nature of the episode, anything that is meant to be in the past and being retold is displayed in navy colored text.  Everything in the present is still black, like normal.

 

Scene One:

“The Feline Mafia”

Location: The Penthouse

Characters: The Gang, Benji, Lefty, Dr. Johnson

 

John, Joe, and Katie: HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAMES!

James: Thanks guys……oh, guys and Katie.

John: Blow out your candles and make a wish.

[Benji bursts in with Dr. Johnson and Lefty to his side]

Benji: HALT!  What is going on here?

Joe: James’s birthday party.

Benji: And why wasn’t I invited?

John: You were all invited.

Dr. Johnson: Don’t play dumb with me, I know where you live.

John: Sorry, let me just get my pet scorpion from the back.

Dr. Johnson [scared]: Listen, Benji, I know I said I’d help you, but [he starts crying] they have scorpions. [he flees in fear]

Benji: You’ve won this round. [he pushes Lefty out the door and shuts it]  So, who wants cake?

 

OPENING CREDITS

 

Song: (to the same theme music as Cheers)

1. Musical Beginning

2. Sometimes you wanna go, where it is always gonna rain,

3. And you'll always be in pain.

4. You wanna be where you can see, the people are all insane,

5. You wanna go where you can be eaten by a Great Dane.

6. Musical Ending

 

Sequence: (corresponding line by line from the song above)

1. A view of downtown Dayboqrx, with the text "On Our Own" along the center of the screen.

2. John is seen, startled by the camera man in a supermarket, accidentally knocking over a shelf creating a domino effect, his name on the bottom of the screen.

3. James is seen in the rainy parking lot, his fingers shaped as a gun pretending to shoot at nothing, his name on the bottom of the screen.

4. Joe is seen in the rainy parking lot, chasing a sheep, he stops, smiles, and waves at the camera, his name on the bottom of the screen.

5. Katie is seen arguing with a light pole, her name on the bottom of the screen.

6. John comes running from the supermarket, mouthing the words "Run for your life."  The Gang runs as the store collapses and are chased by a pack of Great Danes.  On the bottom of the screen reads "Created by John Painting and James Achaia."

 

Scene Two:

“Forcing Story Time Upon Us”

Location: The Penthouse
Characters: The Gang, Benji

 

John: And here’s my gift James. [he hands James a box]

James [opening the box]: This is empty.

John: Enjoy!

Benji: I wish you guys would have thought of me on my birthday.

Katie: What are you talking about, we bought you that cat to replace the one that died.  Not only that, we accidentally gave it to you the day before your birthday.

Benji: If I had a new cat, what name did I give it?

Joe: Andy number two million and one.

Benji: Oh…never mind then.

Katie: Here…

Benji: TELL ME A STORY!!!

John: Excuse me?

Benji: Tell me a story to make up for your negligence in not inviting me to this party, and not getting me a gift for my birthday.

James: We did both.

Benji: And now you’re going to tell me a story because I lost the invitation, and the cat.

Katie: You lost the cat?

Benji: Sure, but I’m not on trial here.

Joe [filling out some paperwork]: You will be soon.

Benji: Ahem, more story, less suing.

Katie: It was a dark and stormy night.

John: Not this story again.

Katie [abridging the story]: Then they all died, the end.

Joe [crying]: That story gets me every time.

Katie: ‘Tis the nature of that story.

Benji: BOOOO!!!!! Better story this time.

John: We already told you a story, they all died, weren’t you paying attention?

Benji: Apparently I wasn’t.

John: Besides, today is James’ birthday, we should let him pick what we do.

James: Why don’t we tell Benji some type of story?

Benji: I like that idea.

John: What?

James: It’ll shut him up for a while.

John: Good call then.  What story should we tell?

Benji: Number five!

James: Excellent choice, that’s the story of how we ended up in Dayboqrx.

Joe [crying]: That story gets me every time.

John: They all get you every time.

Joe: Not number five.

James: This is number five.

Joe: Fine, I’m going to the mall then.

John: Sit down, you’re a part of this story, you need to tell it too.

Joe: Damn…well anyway, it was a dark, stormy night…

James: Well, actually, it was…but we weren’t anywhere near Dayboqrx yet.

[cue flashback]

 

Scene Three:

“The Most Annoying Pop-Up Ad”

Location: John’s old house

Characters: The Gang and a delivery man

 

James [voiceover]: It was late summer before our junior year, and the four of us were looking at college information.

John: Joe, for the last time, we are not gonna enroll at the National University of Crazyland.

Joe: It could be fun!

James: No it can’t, it can be disturbing.  Let’s try to go to a college that’s not in a place where most of the population is insane.

Katie: Listen, I’m with Joe, it would be good if we can go somewhere that’s at least interesting.

Joe: I’m with Katie on that one.

Katie: That’s because I just said “I’m with Joe.”

[a pop-up ad appears on the screen]

James: How about that one, Dayboqrx University…I’ve never heard of it, think it could be good?

John: We’ll investigate it later on. [he continually tries to close the ad, but it keeps reappearing] What the hell?

James: Click it, it says they’re giving away free informatory brochures.  And we could even enroll as early as next year!

[ John clicks the ad and a knock is heard at the door simulatenously]

Katie: I’ll get it. [she gets up, opens the door, and a delivery man is there]

Delivery Man: Here’s your brochure from Dayboqrx University…enjoy!

Katie: How did you get here so fast?  And how did you know it was us who ordered the brochures?

Delivery Man: We have our ways…telekinesis is one of them.

[scene cuts to two guys in the back of a van]

Man #1 [holding his fingers to his head]: 937 Sycamore Street!

Man #2: Let’s roll.

[they drive away]

Man #1: Think we’ll ever get one right?

Man #2: Hell no.

[scene switches back]

Delivery Man: They forgot me again! [he runs down the street] Stop you imbeciles!! [he turns to Katie] Can I sleep over? [she shuts the door and locks it]

Katie: Brochure’s here.

John: That was fast.

[knocking is heard at the window]

Delivery Man [from outside]: I eat very little and take up a very small amount of space!

[Katie carefully closes the blinds]

Joe: What the hell was that?

Katie: Nothing.

Delivery Man: I’m so lonely!

James: Anyway, let’s take a look at this brochure. [they open it and start reading it to themselves]

Joe: Look at this, beautiful city with unique weather patterns.

Katie: Could be a paradise!

John: Could be hell, too.

Katie: You’re such a negative head.

Delivery Man: WOLVERINES!!!

Katie: This says nothing about wolverines, you’re so crazy James.

James: That wasn’t me.

Katie: Uh oh.

Benji [voiceover]: What happened to the delivery guy?

[scene cuts back to present]

James: What delivery guy?  Katie, what are you not telling us!?!?

 

Scene Four:

“Might I Ask if Your Refrigerator is Running?”

Location: John’s old house

Characters: John and James

 

[ John is staring at the phone]

James: Expecting a call from Dayboqrx University?

John: What?  I was waiting for my parents to call.  [the phones rings and John picks it up almost instantaneously]  Mom?

[the man on the other end starts laughing hysterically]

Man: Hello?

John: Who is this?

Man: Hello, this is Dr. Stephenl Howard, dean of Dayboqrx University.

John: Oh, hello Dr. Howard, how are you?

Dr. Howard: Ahem, that’s Dr. Howard to you.

John: That’s what I said.

Dr. Howard: Yes, whatever, anyway, we here at the university are running a survey of their prospective students.

John: Okay.

Dr. Howard: I didn’t say go yet.

John: I wasn’t expecting you to say go.

Dr. Howard: Minus ten.

John: Excuse me?

Dr. Howard: Hearing problem, minus four…things are not looking good.

John: Are you even allowed to be doing this?

Dr. Howard: Failure to cooperate, minus thirteen.

John: Who says I’m not cooperating?

Dr. Howard: Asking questions, minus fifteen.

John: I’m putting James on the phone.

Dr. Howard: Changing speakers, minus ten for both of you.

James: Hello?

Dr. Howard: Good evening.

James: It’s noon.

Dr. Howard: Lying, minus seventy points.

James: Since when are we on a point system?

Dr. Howard: Fine, I can see this isn’t gonna go well.  Let me just ask you some simple questions.

James: Okay.

Dr. Howard: Agreement, minus four points.

James: Off what?

Dr. Howard: Your grade?

James: Why are you asking, I was asking you.

Dr. Howard: Shut up!

James: Is this some kind of a joke?

Dr. Howard: I’m with the Phone Engineering Service, I’m here to test your phones ability to [he starts mumbling].

James: Excuse me?

Dr. Howard: Gotcha!!! Ah, you should’ve seen the look on your face.

James: It’s a phone, how could you have seen the look on my face?

Dr. Howard: Don’t question me, what are you doing?

James: What are you doing?

Dr. Howard: Inviting you to the Dayboqrx University Open House, next Thursday night…see you there. [he hangs up]

James: That was weird.

John: So how many points did you lose?  I lost 52.

James [frowning]: 84.

John: Ouch.  How’d that happen?

James: I lost seventy points for lying.

John: Sucks to be you it seems.

James: In any case, this is not a good sign of things to come.

John: Agreed…[under his breath] At least I won.

 

Scene Five:

“We’ll Be Back Soon, Trust Me”

Location: John’s old house

Characters: The Gang, John’s Mother

 

Benji [screaming]: THEN WHAT HAPPENED!?!?!

John: Will you please just let us continue the story without interrupting us?

Benji: Impossible, I’m going for a walk.

[he leaves the room]

Katie: Should we continue the story anyway?

James: I suppose.

John: Anyway, it was time to take a bit of a road trip to Dayboqrx, but the hard part was telling our parents…

James: You don’t need to fill us in on the background, we were all there.

John: Then why am I even continuing the story?

[Benji returns holding a handful of birthday cake]

Benji: Good cake.

James: Did you just take a handful of my cake.

Benji: Handful?  Hell, I ate all of it.

[ James dives and tackles Benji]

John: Anyway, we were about to take a road trip to Dayboqrx…

John: Is everything packed?

Katie: We’re staying for two days, how much stuff will we need?

Joe: Can’t be much.

John’s Mother: Listen, I don’t understand why you want to go away to college.

John: So I can continue my education.

John’s Mother: Pffft, you can do that from here, listen, we have a computer, and a printer, I’m sure you could teach yourself.

John: But then I won’t have a diploma, so how am I gonna get a job?

John’s Mother: I’m sure you’ll find something, you’re very resourceful.

John: And my resources are pointing towards going away to college.

John’s Mother: No, listen, we have a printer, I could print your diploma!

John: That’s not gonna work mom.

John’s Mother: Why not?

John: Because it will clearly be a fake diploma.

John’s Mother: What’s fake about it, real ink, real paper, real signature…

John: Who’s signature?

John’s Mother: Clearly it will be mine.

James: John, we have to go now.

John’s Mother: Please don’t leave…when will you be back?

John: We’ll be back often, I promise.

John’s Mother: Be careful, keep in touch.

John: I will. [the car rolls away]

[scene cuts to the car passing a sign]

James [reading the sign while driving the car]: Welcome to Dayboqrx.  I guess we’re here.

John [also reading]: Population twenty one million.

Joe [also reading]: Great Dane population twenty two million.

Katie: That doesn’t seem right.

John [still reading]: Benji’s cat population four million.

Katie: That doesn’t seem right either.  Who the hell is Benji?

Joe: I don’t know, but I’d hate to be his neighbor.

Benji [voiceover and in shock]: How could you?

[scene cuts back to present]

Joe: Relax, I didn’t mean it.

Benji: Damn straight you didn’t.

Joe [whispering to Benji]: I really did mean it.

Benji: What?

Joe: Sorry, I thought you were Katie for some peculiar reason.

 

Scene Six:

“A Nerve-Racking Interview”

Location: An office at Dayboqrx University

Characters: John, Dr. Howard

 

[ John enters the room to speak with Dr. Howard]

Dr. Howard: Welcome to Dayboqrx Mr. Painting.

John: Thank you Dr. Howard.

Dr. Howard: May I take this time to remind you that you are still 52 points in the hole?

John: What are these points for anyway?

Dr. Howard: Ahem, minus eight, moving you to an even negative sixty.

John: How do I gain these points back?

Dr. Howard: By performing well on this interview.  Ready to go?

John: Okay then.

Dr. Howard: I didn’t say go.

John: You did say “ready to go.”

Dr. Howard: Correcting the dean, minus six.

John: Please just continue with the interview.

Dr. Howard: Oh, so now you’re telling me how to do my job? [long pause]  First question, why do you want to attend Dayboqrx University?

John: Well, as you know, the search for the best college for somebody is a very long and almost tedious process.  I’ve always been an urban kind of person, I’ve always loved the city, and when I saw how large of a city Dayboqrx was, it was a major plus for me, and…what are you doing?

[Dr. Howard is shooting whipped cream in his mouth then mumbles something]

John: What are you doing?

Dr. Howard: Sorry, I was just bored by your speech…minus four.  Second question…

John: I didn’t finish answering the first one.

Dr. Howard: …have you ever killed anyone?

John: No, I haven’t…what kind of question is that?

Dr. Howard: No change in score.  Third question, how many points have you lost so far?

John: I think it’s at 64 now.

Dr. Howard: And, what power of two is 64?

John: Six.

Dr. Howard: So, six more points off you score, putting you at negative 70.

John: What kind of an interview is this?

Dr. Howard: It’s our way of weeding out the crème de la crap.  What was your SAT score?

John: 1400.

Dr. Howard: Okay…subtract that from your score, and you’re at negative 1470.

John: This is getting too peculiar.

Dr. Howard: Congratulations, you have passed our interview process, and are now ready to head onto step two.

John [very confused]: Ummm, thank you, I suppose.

Benji [voiceover]: John, you only got a 1400?

[scene cuts back to present]

John: A 1400 is good.

Benji: Pffft, maybe for you, but I got a 3760.

James: It only goes up to 1600.

Benji: Wait, are we talking about the same SAT…because I’m talking about the Stupidity Aptitude Test.

 

Scene Seven:

“Running Through Hoops”

Location: Dayboqrx University

Characters: The Gang, Dr. Howard

 

Joe: After we all managed to score “well” enough on interview process, it was on to step two.

Dr. Howard: Prospective students, welcome to the 63rd Annual Dayboqrx University “Step Two.”  Like the name, I think it’s vague enough to keep you all in the dark.  Anyway, what’s the deal with step one…I mean, the score system and all.  I’ve thought about changing it around and switching to a better, “real” method of college applications and essays and such…but it’s not fun enough. 

Joe: Are you trying to do some type of stand up comedy?

Dr. Howard: Yes, I used to be a comedian.  Anyway, what is fun is watching all five thousand of you run through this very peculiar obstacle course competing for a spot in our accepted list.

John: Excuse me?

Dr. Howard [repeating himself, and yelling it]: What is fun is watching all five thousand of you run through this very peculiar obstacle course competing for a spot in our accepted list.

John: I heard you, I just want to know why…

Dr. Howard: I’d think you would have learned by this point that nothing about this process makes sense, it’s just tradition.  Anyway, of the five thousand of you, only about fifteen hundred will be accepted.  The first five hundred of you to cross the finish line will automatically be accepted.  The remainder of you must compete for the other thousand slots.  Sound fair?

John: Not at all.

Dr. Howard: Oh well.  GO!!!

Joe: Where?

Dr. Howard: Good luck. [he walks into a sealed booth and pulls out a margarita, sitting back in a recliner]  I love the admissions process.

John [to the rest of The Gang]: What are we gonna do?

James: Attempt to win this race.

Katie: How, if we don’t know where we’re going?

Joe: I have a plan. [he falls to the ground]

John: How is this a plan?

Joe: It’s not, I just hurt my leg.  Somebody please carry me…

James: John, you do it.

Katie: Good call.

Joe [screaming]: CARRY ME!

John: Fine…[he picks Joe up on his back and collapses right away]

[Katie and James run away]

Katie: See you at the finish line!

Joe: FASTER!!!

[ James and Katie are seen maneuvering through a complicated brick maze covered in ivy, with flaming hoops and bear traps abound]

James: This could get any more difficult?

Katie: I heard something about a pack of Great Danes ahead.

James: Maybe that’s where the population thing comes from.

Katie: I don’t want to run into twenty-two million Great Danes in this weird maze.

James: Look ahead, it appears the maze leads underground.

Katie: This is by far the weirdest thing I’ve ever had to do.

Benji [voiceover]: You should’ve seen what I had to do to get into Rineling then.

Joe: What?

Benji: I had to fill out this weird application, where they asked me questions about my family, and what extracurricular activities I had, and they made me write an essay…it was much weirder than what you just said.

John: Anyway, needless to say, Joe and I didn’t make it in the top five hundred.

James: But me and Katie did.

Joe: So, it was off to the next step for myself and John…

 

Scene Eight:

“I’ll Take ‘Idiocy’ For $400”

Location: Dayboqrx University

Characters: The Gang, Dr. Howard

 

Dr. Howard: That was fun, wasn’t it?

Random Man: I got burned from the damned flaming hoops.

Dr. Howard: All in a normal Dayboqrx day’s work.

Random Man: I hope not.

Dr. Howard: It is…for the thousand of you that did not make the cut so far, welcome to the Trivia Game, where you will each get a chance to answer questions.  As soon as you are the first to buzz in and correctly answer each question, you will be accepted.  If you fail to answer the question correctly, you will be rejected admission.  Tough by fair.

Random Girl: That’s by no means fair.

Dr. Howard: You have just been rejected, thank you for your time.  SECURITY!!

[Security escorts the girl off campus]

Dr. Howard: Question number one, at what temperature in Fahrenheit does water boil?

[ John is the first to ring in]

Dr. Howard: Yes?

John: 212.

Dr. Howard: Congratulations, you have been accepted.

John: Wow, that was simple enough.

[a long time passes, all that remains in the pool of applicants is Joe and a robot that’s falling apart]

Dr. Howard: Okay, the next correct or incorrect answer will result in our final applicant being accepted and/or rejected, so pay attention.  For the final spot, how long is the sun’s sunspot cycle?

[both are silent]

Dr. Howard: The answer is 11 years…next question to decide the final spot, true or false?  The Earth has one moon.

[both are silent]

John: Joe, you know this one…

Joe: I’m just not sure, I don’t want to chance it.

Dr. Howard: No helping!

John: I didn’t help him.

Dr. Howard: The answer is true…next question to decide the final spot, if I have three apples, and you take away one apple, how many do I have left?

[both are silent]

James: C’mon Joe, this is simple subtraction.

Joe: Not chancing it…he could pull a fast one, and change the answer…better off letting the robot get one wrong.

Katie: And if he gets one right before you?

[ Joe pauses to think]

Joe: Oh crap, I didn’t think of that.

Dr. Howard: The answer is two apples…next question to decide the final spot, what metal makes up a large portion of a robots outer casing?

[the robot raises its hand]

Joe: Oh no…

Robot: That is simple, the answer is ERROR ERROR, PROBLEM IN MAIN OPERATING SYSTEM…OVERLOAD…BEGIN SHUT DOWN PROCEDURE. [it crashes into a pile on the floor]

Dr. Howard: I’m sorry, the correct answer is titanium.  I also may have accepted tin, depending on what mood I was in.  Congratulations Joe, you have made the cut.  Welcome to Dayboqrx University, all those who made it.  Now it’s time for the tour.

Peppy Tour Guide: Hi, I’m Stacey…I have SOOOOOO much to show you…

 

Scene Nine:

“And to Your Left…”

Location: Outside on 216th Street and Model Avenue

Characters: The Gang, the rest of the tour, and Stacey, the tour guide

 

Stacey: And to your right, you can see the spot where Jesus ate a taco in 1954.

John: I find that hard to believe.

Stacey: Now we’re gonna take a left onto 216th Street, where you can see the amazing amounts of traffic at Dayboqrx’s Connection.

[numerous people take pictures of the gridlock on the highway]

Stacey: No flash photography please.

Random Man: Why not?

Stacey: It angers the tour guide.

Random Man: What?

[Stacey pulls the camera away and throws it into traffic]

Stacey: Let’s continue the tour, shall we?

Joe: Sure.

Stacey: That’s where the pope tripped and his hat fell.  Anyway, we’re gonna turn onto Model Avenue here on your left and walk back up towards Vega Coliseum.  But first, to your left, you will see some friendly strangers.

[a man walks out wearing a bunny costume accompanied by a man in a tiger costume]

Bunny Guy: Hello, I am Ultra Sound, seer of the past…this is my companion Phil the Tiger.

Phil the Tiger: RAR!!! Hi.

Ultra Sound: Anyway, welcome to Dayboqrx City, you will no longer be allowed to leave the city limits.

James: WHAT???

Ultra Sound: Right, well, when Dayboqrx was founded in the 1940’s during World War II, the city founders decided not to let people leave so they could bolster the population quickly.  Now you’re all stuck here forever.

Phil the Tiger: RAR!!! Forever.

James: I don’t like the sound of that.

Ultra Sound: In any case, the population is at twenty-one million plus, and still growing.

Phil the Tiger: RAR!!! And.

Ultra Sound: Phil, you did it again, it’s supposed to be RAR!!! Growing…not RAR!!! And.  That’s the third straight time you screwed the tour up.

Phil the Tiger: RAR!!! Up.

Ultra Sound: Damn it Phil.

Phil the Tiger: RAR!!! Phil.

[the two walk away]

Ultra Sound: You will never learn will you?

Phil the Tiger: RAR!!! Probably not.

Stacey: Ahem, thank you guys.

John: Was that planned?

Stacey: No.

Katie: Seemed it, especially when he said “that’s the third straight time you screwed the tour up.”

Stacey: Unrelated, I swear!

 

Scene Ten:

“Staying at the Fiasco Hotel”

Location: Dayboqrx Hotel on Dayboqrx Avenue and 210th St

Characters: The Gang, Room Service Man

 

John: Well everybody, what are we gonna do about housing arrangements?

Joe: Rather than worry about room and board, how about we stay off campus?

James: Won’t that cost more than room and board?

Joe: Most likely, but we get to stay in our own place…won’t that be fun?

Katie: I guess so.

John: I bet we can get the university to pay for some of it, since we are basically going on nearly a full scholarship.

James: Since we actually have academic credentials.

Katie: Sweet.

John: Okay, so I guess we’ll be staying here tonight, and looking for a place tomorrow.  I’ll call the admissions office and set up the appointment to tell them.

[ John goes to call Dr. Howard, but the phone rings before that]

John: I guess I’ll get it.

Katie: I’m closer.

John: You are not, I’m right here.

Katie: Fine then, liar.

John: Hello?

Dr. Howard: I called before you could call me.

John: How’d you know I’d be calling?

[scene cuts to the van rolling outside]

Man #1 [rubbing his fingers on his head]: 21000 Dayboqrx Avenue.

Man #2: Let’s ro…wait, we’re right there already.

Man #1: I know, but they were gonna call the university or something.  Either that or it’s a Chinese food place, I’ve been getting my signals crossed lately.

[scene cuts back to The Gang in the hotel room]

John: Anyway, we want to set up an appointment to speak with you tomorrow about our housing…11:00 sound good…okay then, goodbye.

James: Everything set?

John: Yep, at eleven tomorrow, we shall inform him of our plans.

[a knock is heard at the door]

Man [outside the door]: Room service.

Katie: I’ll get it.  [she opens the door, the man is dressed in full riot gear]  What the hell?

Man: Hi, I’m here to inform you that the hotel has lost your baggage. [he hides behind the shield]

[Katie kicks the shield]

Man: Ha, that didn’t hurt…it’s some powerful stuff, right?

[all four members of The Gang charge the man]

Man: Uh oh. [he hides behind the shield, fumbling for his walkie talkie]  I need backup, repeat BACKUP!

[scene cuts back to the present]

James: The next morning we had our meeting with Dr. Howard, and the day after that, we found this place.

Benji: Good story, why wasn’t I in it?

John: Because we didn’t know you at that point.

Benji: That’s a likely excuse.

Katie: Listen, Benji, now that we told you a story, will you please leave?

Benji: I don’t know the meaning of the word. [he goes limp and struggles as The Gang attempts to pull him out the door]

 

Scene Eleven:
”Is That a Number 12?”

Location: A fast food restaurant

Characters: Phil the Tiger and a clerk

 

[Phil the Tiger is seen on line at a fast food restaurant]

Clerk: Welcome to Crap Burger, can I take your order?

Phil the Tiger: RAR!!! Bacon Cheeseburger.

Clerk: Would you like crap on that?

Phil the Tiger: RAR!!! No.

Clerk: Sorry, crap is mandatory, I’m gonna have to ask you to take the crap or leave.

Phil the Tiger: RAR!!! I’m leaving. [he walks to the door]  RAR!!! I’m coming back! [he runs at full speed towards the counter, collides with the cash register, and falls to the floor as the cash register does some addition]

Clerk: That will be $18.50, sir.

Phil the Tiger [from the floor and pulling a $20 bill from his pocket]: RAR!!! Keep the change.

 

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