“On Our Own”
Episode Twenty-Four (#1A24)
The Gang Worries About the Upcoming
Storm
Written by James Achaia
Scene One:
“The Balcony Scene”
Location: The Penthouse
Characters: The
Gang
Joe: MOOSE!
Katie: What?
Joe: That cloud
looks like a moose.
Katie: It looks
like a ball.
John: What’s
going on?
Joe: Moose.
John: Do I look
that bad?
Katie: Well, it
is a frog suit.
James: Hey,
those are some evil looking clouds.
John [looking
out the window]: What? OH MY GOD!
Katie: I’ve
never seen it this bad.
Joe: Put on the
TV and see if the weather’s on.
[Katie turns on
the TV and hears a voice on the screen]
Voice on TV (
Jim ): And now that the TV is on, weather, with Mr. Andy Weatherman.
Andy:
Hello. There’s going to be a lot of
snow. Goodbye.
Katie: Well, you
heard the man, get out the shoveling monkeys.
OPENING CREDITS
Song: (to the
same theme music as Cheers)
1. Musical
Beginning
2. Sometimes
you wanna go, where it is always gonna rain,
3. And you'll
always be in pain.
4. You wanna
be where you can see, the people are all insane,
5. You wanna
go where you can be eaten by a Great Dane.
6. Musical
Ending
Sequence:
(corresponding line by line from the song above)
1. A view of
downtown Dayboqrx, with the text "On Our Own" along the center of the
screen.
2. John is seen,
startled by the camera man in a supermarket, accidentally knocking over a shelf
creating a domino effect, his name on the bottom of the screen.
3. James is seen
in the rainy parking lot, his fingers shaped as a gun pretending to shoot at
nothing, his name on the bottom of the screen.
4. Joe is seen
in the rainy parking lot, chasing a sheep, he stops, smiles, and waves at the
camera, his name on the bottom of the screen.
5. Katie is seen arguing with a light pole, her name on the bottom of the screen.
6. John comes
running from the supermarket, mouthing the words "Run for your
life." The Gang runs as the store
collapses and are chased by a pack of Great Danes. On the bottom of the screen reads "Created by John Painting
and James Achaia."
Scene Two:
“Hauls Ass”
Location: The Penthouse
Characters: The
Gang, Benji
Benji: Guys, let
me in!
James: What’s up
Benji?
Benji: I’m
leaving.
Katie: Bye.
John: Wait,
what’s wrong?
James: You’re
doing it again John.
John: Doing
what?
James [loudly]:
Trying to keep unwanted guests!
John: What?
James: Remember
when we had to watch the cats?
John: Oh…bye
Benji!
Benji: No, I’m
scared.
Katie: Why?
Benji: Those
eyes…look at those eyes.
James: What are
you talking about?
Benji [pointing
to the window]: LOOK!
[A dark cloud with
red eyes and an evil smile is seen]
John: OH MY GOD!
Katie: Benji,
where are you going?
Benji: A long
way from here.
James: Where?
Benji: The zoo.
John: That’s
like twenty minutes away.
Joe: Can I go?
Katie: Where?
Joe: With Benji.
James: Sure.
[evil laughter
is heard from the background]
[Benji runs out
the door]
Joe: Hey, wait
up!
[ Joe leaves]
Katie: I guess
they’re gone.
James: Even
though it’s Benji, don’t you think it’s dangerous outside, even for him?
Katie: It’s not
him I’m worried about, it’s Joe.
John: What do
you mean?
Katie: He didn’t
take his special sun tanning lotion.
John: What?
Katie: It makes
him invisible.
James:
Right…makes him invisible against the snow.
Scene Three:
“A Darker Day Keeps Benji Away”
Location: The Penthouse
Characters:
John, James, and Katie
James: It’s been
a couple of hours, and it’s really starting to look bad out.
John: What do
you think we should do?
Katie: Let’s see
how bad it is outside.
[Katie turns on
the TV]
Jim: What is
with her and the damn TV? Oh, oh, I’m
sorry. And now weather again, with Mr.
Andy Weatherman.
Andy [mimicking
Jim]: And now weather with Mr. Andy Weatherman…idiot.
Katie: What’s
going on?
Andy: Back off
for a minute!
Katie: Okay.
Andy: Listen
Jim, I won that game of cards fair and circle! Now hand over your wife!
[camera turns to
Jim’s wife with a smile on her face]
Jim: NEVER!!!!!
Andy: Alright
then…[he pulls out a light saber] Let’s
go.
Jim: You’re on…
[fighting begins
and Andy does the weather simultaneously]
Andy [struggling
to speak]: It’s going to snow…about ten feet, and OH MY GOD MY EYE!!! So try to stay indoors if possible. And AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
[ Jim kills Andy
Weatherman]
Jim: Now do the
weather, BITCH!
[Katie turns off
the TV]
James: Oh my
God.
Katie: I know,
ten feet!
John: That’s
crazy, and the monkeys aren’t even here yet.
James: I think
we have to go get Benji and Joe.
Katie: How will
we find them, the zoo is huge.
John: Well,
we’ll take the cats to track them down.
James: Good
idea, let’s go.
Scene Four:
“Meow”
Location: The Penthouse
Characters: The
Gang
[A knock is heard at the door
along with loud meowing]
James: Oh no.
John: What is it?
James: It’s the cats. Benji
isn’t home so no one is there to feed them.
Katie: Don't you dare open the
door.
James: We have to protect them
while Benji is gone.
John: Why?
James: I don't know. Let me
see...um, what would happen if one or more of those cats go hurt and died?
[ John and Katie start having
flashbacks to one of the funerals]
John: NO!!!
James: See I made my point.
Katie: Quit messing around and
let’s go.
[ Joe runs in without Benji]
James: Oh good they’re back.
John: Joe, please tell me that
Benji is with you.
Joe: Uh...of course he is.
Katie Oh good.
James: Well where is he?
Joe: Duh, he's home.
Katie: Okay, lets take them over
there.
Joe: Wait!
James: What?
Joe: Um, he is naked.
John: Oh my god.
Katie: How do you know that?
Joe: I saw.
All: What!?
John: Oh my god again.
Joe: Well you see...
[ James interrupts]
James [from a distance]: Hey if
he is in there, why are the lights off?
Joe: Um...he can see in the
dark?
John: Damn it Joe.
Joe: See look, there he is now.
Katie: That’s a fly.
Joe: Yes, but it is Benji as
well.
James: No, it’s a fly.
Joe: Look I can prove it’s
Benji.
James: How?
Joe: Look at those eyes.
John: I can’t see them.
Katie: Yeah, it’s too small and
fast.
Joe: So let’s kill it first.
James: If it’s Benji, why do you
want to kill it?
Joe: Ah, I just said that to
make you guys mad.
[A loud powering down noise is
heard]
Katie: Great, the power just
went out.
John: What are we going to do
without any electric?
Joe: I have an idea.
Katie: What now?
Joe: You'll see.
[ Joe leaves]
Katie: Idiot.
James: What are we going to do
with the cats?
John [under his breath]: Throw
them in the garbage disposal.
James: What?
John: What?
James: What did you just say?
John: I said uh... do
something that is... noble.
Katie: You said throw them in
the garbage disposal!
John: Hey. I am not that mean.
[Loud meowing is heard]
John: Hey! Pipe down or I'll
turn you all into toads.
James: Not mean huh.
John: That includes you!
[ James steps slightly towards
John]
John:
Don't hurt me.
COMMERCIAL
Scene Five:
“Power Bars Aren’t Actual Power”
Location: The Supermarket and The Penthouse
Characters: The
Gang, Supermarket Creep
[ Joe is in the supermarket,
when somebody is following him]
Joe: Forty-eight, forty-nine,
fifty.
Creep [from behind Joe]: Hmm
fifty, eh?
Joe: Who said that?
Creep: Who said what?
Joe [repeating what the Creep
said]: Hmm fifty, eh?
Creep: Fifty of what?
Joe: Not what, but who.
Creep: Who?
Joe: What?
Creep: When?
Joe: Stop and show yourself.
Creep: Show myself what?
Joe: This conversation is going
nowhere.
Creep: Neither am I.
[ Joe turns around and Creeps
turns with him]
Joe: That’s weird, nobody’s
here.
Creep: That’s because I'm in
your mind.
Joe: No, I'm not talking about
you. I know that you’re behind me.
Creep: Oh.
Joe: I meant nobody is in the
store.
Creep: I'm in the store.
Joe: You don't count.
Creep: That’s what my mom said
when I was born.
Joe: Come to think of it, there
are no clerks either.
[The Creep chuckles]
Joe: Damn it, I did it again.
[ Joe takes out his cell phone
and calls James]
[Scene switches back to the
penthouse]
Katie: Hey James, your phone is
ringing.
James: Who is it?
Katie: Somebody named Joe.
James: Joe? I don't know a Joe?
Katie: Just pick it up.
James: Hello?
Joe: Hey.
James: Hey.
Joe: Listen I got locked in the
supermarket again.
James: Do I know you?
Katie: Oh Joe!
James: Oh right. Hey Joe, what’s
up?
Joe: I’m locked in the super
market again.
James: Uh Joe, supermarket is
one word.
Joe: What, I'm speaking to you.
James: Yeah, but what about the
millions of fans reading this online?
Joe: So you do agree with me.
James: I'll be there in five
minutes.
[ James goes down to the
supermarket and sees Joe trying to gasp for air through the crack of the door]
James: Joe, what are you doing?
Joe: I'm trying to breathe.
James: Right because there is no
air in there.
Joe: I'm trying to make this
scene more dramatic.
James: I was joking before.
Joe: Damn.
James: Stand back.
Joe: Why?
James: Because I'm going to
break the glass to get you out.
Joe: Oh no need, this door locks
from the inside.
[ Joe easily unlocks the door
and steps out]
James: So I came all the way up
the block in the worst storm ever just for that?
Joe: Yeah pretty much.
James: Good thing. I couldn't look at John in that frog suit
anymore.
[ James and Joe return with
Joe’s “bright” idea]
John: Oh good, you're still
alive.
James: ‘Cause the white fluffy
stuff would have killed us.
[ Joe is seen plugging
everything into the Power-bars he got from the supermarket]
Joe: Forty-nine, fifty. Okay,
now we should have power.
Katie: Uh, Joe?
Joe: Thank me later.
James: Yes but yell at him now.
John: Joe, Power-bars aren't
actual power.
Joe: They give me power!
John: Yes, but if they were to
be for appliances they would have outlets on them.
Joe:
Damn it Benji. No wonder why my TV doesn’t work.
Scene Six:
“Loose Mouse”
Location: The Penthouse
Characters: The
Gang
John: Hey why are those cats
running crazy?
Katie [screaming from in her
room]: Ahhhhh!!
[ James and John run in to see
what is wrong]
James: What's going on?
John: Where is he? He ain’t
stealing nothing from this house.
Katie: Mouse!
John: Oh my God, get it off, get
it off!
James: It's not on you.
John: Oh... I mean when I catch
that thing I'm gonna eat it’s face.
James: Okay.
Katie: Oh man, the cats are
freaking out.
John: Why are there less cats
now?
James: The damn window is open.
Katie: How did that happen?
Joe: I opened it to get the mouse
out.
John [sarcastically]: Well it
looks like this genius plan worked.
Joe: Really?
John: No!
James: Well the mouse is still
running around.
John: Huh, where?
James: Calm down Cindy.
John: Hey!
James: What?
John: Oh yeah, well you're a bed
wetter.
James: You promised.
John: Oh well, I mean…ah screw
it.
James: Well, now we have to go
out there and look for those damn cats.
Katie: You know sometimes Benji
is so stupid.
John: What do you mean?
Katie: Why would he have a kitty
door that doesn’t lead outside but leads to the hallway in front of our
penthouse?
Joe: Maybe it’s for him.
James: C'mon John, let’s get
that mouse.
John: If we catch it, will I be
considered more of a man?
James: Yes.
John: There it is.
[ James dives and breaks Katie's
lamp]
James: Ow!
Katie: Idiot.
John: I got it. I got it. [he dives and hits his head on the
door] Crap.
[ Fifteen minutes goes by
until...]
John: Yeah, I got it.
James: Good catch.
John: Thanks.
Katie: Get rid of it.
[
John throws the mouse out the window]
Scene Seven:
“Snow Castles”
Location: The Penthouse, and outside the penthouse on 78th Street
Characters: The
Gang
[ James, John, and Joe are
outside rounding up the cats]
John: This is crazy.
James: I know, there’s like five
feet of snow down already.
Joe: I'm sorry guys.
James: Don't worry about it,
most of this is Benji’s fault anyway.
Joe: Thanks.
John: Yeah. When he comes back I'm gonna kick his ass!
James: John, you caught a mouse.
John: Sorry.
James: I got two of them.
John: Throw them back in the
window.
Joe: Most of them are right
here.
John: I need a drink.
[ Joe grabs a shovel and begins
to throw snow into the penthouse]
Katie [from the window]: What
the hell Joe?
Joe: It’s the only way to get
all the cats back in there.
James: Well let’s start a count
up.
[Two hours go by]
John: I have one million, three
hundred thousand with Katie’s half.
James: I have one million nine
ninety-five.
Joe: I have seven hundred and
five thousand.
John: That’s four million.
James: It was a bit messy but
good job Joe.
Joe: Thanks.
[ James grabs the shovel to put
on the balcony]
James: Wow, this is a huge mound
of snow. I got an idea.
[ James starts to shovel a hole
in the middle of the mound]
James: Hey, check out my castle
slash mound guys.
John: It’s missing something.
James: You’re right.
[ James runs to his room and
runs back with a giant flag that says “You can't win 'em all”]
Katie: It’s true. [she stares at
Joe]
[Benji runs in]
Benji: Hey guys, I'm back.
John: Son of a bitch, I’m gonna
kick your ass.
Benji: Hold on I’m kinda cold.
John: Okay. But when you warm
up, you're mine.
Benji: Hey, if I lick this pole
I’ll warm up faster.
All: No Benji no!
[Benji’s' tongue gets stuck to
the pole and one side of James' castle slash mound collapses]
James: NO!! What the hell! Years of hard work and construction gone.
John: It took three minutes.
James: It seems like just
yesterday I was making the hole in the middle.
John: It was today!
James:
Stop ruining it.
COMMERCIAL
Scene Eight:
“Don’t Lick the Pole”
Location: The Balcony of the Penthouse
Characters: The
Gang, Benji, Supermarket Creep
John: Today is
just filled with problems.
Katie: How are
you oping to get his tongue off the pole?
John: I think we
should be wondering how we’re going to get his tongue off that pole, not
oping.
Katie: I like
that idea better.
Joe: Cut tit
off.
James: But his
tongue is stuck on the pole.
Joe: Oh.
James: Get some
hot water and pour it on his tongue.
Then it will come off.
[Katie gets a
pot of hot water and pours it on Benji’s tongue]
Benji: Ow, that
burns!
John: It’s so
cold out, now not only is his tongue stuck to the pole, but there are huge
pieces of ice hanging off his tongue.
[The mountain is
seen and heard pointing and laughing at Benji]
Benji: You’ll
get yours!
James: Alright
everybody, form a line and start to pull him off.
John: Ready.
Katie: Ready.
Joe: Damn it,
still no power. Hey Benji, what the
hell? You told me this would work. [ Joe is holding up a Power bar]
Benji: It gives
me power.
Joe: Hey, that
was my line. [ Joe slaps Benji and his tongue slips off the pole]
Benji: Thanks
Joe.
Joe: I knew it
would work all along.
James: It’s
starting to snow harder out.
Katie: Damn
Benji, this is all your fault.
[Katie slaps
Benji and his tongue gets stuck on the pole again]
John: I can’t
help but laugh.
Voice: Me too.
John: What said
that?
Voice: Not what,
but when?
John: What?
Voice: WHEN?
[ John turns
around and sees the supermarket creep standing behind him]
John: Oh, it’s
you.
Creep: Crap!
John: What is it
this time?
Creep: I forgot to
turn when you were turning so our heartfelt conversation would continue.
John: Okay, we
can do it again if you’d like.
Katie: CREEP!
Creep: So,
you’re still stalking me, huh?
Katie: Uh, I’m
gonna count to five, and then I’m gonna kick your ass.
Creep: Oh…
Katie: FIVE!
[Katie runs
after the Creep]
Creep:
What? Wait, no. You didn’t give me a chance to make some
witty remark.
[Katie grabs the
tranquilizer gun she once used on Benji]
Katie: Good,
still loaded. [she fires] Ha, got him!
[The Creep
speaks gibberish and passes out]
Scene Nine:
“She’s Bitchy”
Location: The Balcony
Characters: The
Gang, Benji
Katie: What the
hell is with all of this snow?
James: Oh,
relax.
Katie: You know,
I have some more tranquilizer darts.
James: Yeah, so?
[Katie stares at
James]
James: John made
me do it.
Benji: Uh,
hello, my tongue.
Katie: Oh
right…Joe, go slap him, so he can be free.
Joe: Sure thing.
[he slaps Benji] Ummm, nothing
happened.
Katie: Harder!
Joe [slapping
harder]: No go.
James: Let me
try. [he slaps Benji and a ripping sound is heard]
Benji: OW!
James: Still
nothing.
John: Here, use
my knife.
Benji: WHAT?!?
NO!
John: It’s just
your tongue.
Benji: I need
it.
Katie: Son of a
bitch Benji, son of a bitch.
Benji: You’re
bitchy.
Katie: That’s
it, I’m gonna punch his lights out and then cut his face off.
John: Here, use
my knife!
James: What’s so
special about that knife?
John: I don’t
know, it says “Good for cutting tongues” on the side.
Katie: Shut up.
John: Alright,
listen up, this knife is cutting something if it’s the last thing I do.
Benji: Uh, stick
to the subject.
Joe [clinging
himself to Benji]: Okay.
Benji: What are
you doing?
Joe: Well, you
are the subject.
Benji: Get me
off this thing! [a bird is heard flying
above Benji, and does his business] Oh crap.
John: Indeed.
Benji:
BABIES! [all the cats are seen leaving
the penthouse] Fine, no food for a
week!
All Cats [from a
distance, and angry]: MEOW!
Benji: Sorry.
James: Let’s rip
him off.
Benji: Why does
everybody want to cause me pain?
Katie: ‘Cause
you cause us pain every day Benji.
[Benji begins to
push, and suddenly slips off]
Benji: Oh,
that’s all I had to do?
Scene Ten:
“Paw Tracks”
Location: The Penthouse
Characters: The
Gang, Benji
[Benji goes home
to get his cats, but realizes that they’re not there]
Benji
[screaming]: NOOOOOO!!!
John: What?
James: What do
you think? The cats are gone again.
Benji: How did
you know?
James: ‘Cause
you came over, screaming like a baby “NOOOOOO!!!”
Benji: This is
your fault John.
John: That’s it,
give me the knife.
Katie: Look, I
can see their tracks.
Benji: We have
to follow them quickly before the snow covers them.
Joe: We can always use my idea.
Benji: And what would that be?
Joe: Listen, if you're gonna
have that tone then, well, you can forget it.
James: NO!
John: What?
James: Again!
John: What?
James: The castle. It’s gone.
John: It’s still just a mound of
snow.
James: Where will the king
go? What about the dragon?
Benji: Uh, the cats.
James: Selfish bastard! That’s what your are Benji.
[ Joe starts shoveling snow into
the penthouse)
Benji: You're a moron.
Joe: It worked last time.
John: Uh oh.
Benji: Last time. What do you
mean last time?
Joe: They were out there just a
few hours ago.
James: You blew it Joe. All we
had to do is make it through the storm, then we would gave been on the first
balloon to Mexico.
Katie: Who the hell cares!
Benji: Excuse me?
Katie [holding the tranqulizer
gun]: Those damn cats always put us in some deep Benji.
James: Nice way to refer to him
as crap.
Joe: Finished.
[the cats start meowing]
Benji: Listen guys, I’m sorry.
[the tranqulizer gun goes off]
Benji: Ow!
Katie:
Oops.
COMMERCIAL
Scene Eleven:
“Nine Feet is One Foot Too Much”
Location: The Balcony
Characters: The
Gang, Benji
[ James opens the door to the
balcony and snow shufles in]
James [from under the snow]: I
think it’s still snowing.
John: Let me give you a hand.
[he starts clapping]
James: I’m gonna kick your ass.
John: From under all that snow?
James: Oh.
Katie : Not more snow.
James: Sorry.
Katie: Where did he say that
from?
James: Under here. Can you give me a hand?
Katie: Sure. [she starts to clap]
John [laughing]: See, it’s
catchy.
James: Really funny.
[Benji walks in]
Benji: He guys what’s...[he
trips and his tongue gets stuck to the pole]
Joe
[walking out of his room]: Now that’s funny.
TO BE CONTINUED…
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