Chapter 6

Cordy scanned her surroundings feeling a fimiliar sort of ease.  The mist at her feet was oddly comforting and she could sense a presence that made her feel safe.  

"You again?" She tried to sound confident, but it came out as a breathy whisper.

"I would never leave you for long."

"So are you ever gonna reveal yourself to me? I mean big black hunk of mystery is very intriguing and all, but if you know me half as well as you say you do then you'd know that I am not a patient one."  

"All in good time, my love."  He kissed her neck then blew lightly on the damp skin.   She let out a ragged breath as she sunk back in his arms letting his weight support them both.  He spun her around and kissed her passionatly willing her mouth to open to him and slipping his tongue inside the moist crevice.  She couldn't get enough of him as her tongue tasted every inch of his mouth in turn.  In her rational mind she knew this was just a dream and she would wake alone in her bed without these strong arms around her, but for this moment she wanted to have what she longed for more than anything else, to be loved.  She pulled back slightly not really wanting to lose contact with him, but needing her questions answered.

"When is it going to be a good time?  This has been going on for quite awhile and I just want something like a hint or some kinda clue.  Can't you give me that much at least?"

"A hint is what you want?"

"Duh, I just said that!"  She reached up to caress his shadowed face and he flinched away.

"I'm afriad you wouldn't want me if you knew who I was."

"I'm sure I would.  You are the kindest most gentlest man I've ever been with.  I would love you regardless, unless of course you're Xander then I might have to kick your ass."  He let out a throaty chuckle at her words.

"No, I assure you I'm not Xander."

"Ah, a clue.  At least you've narrowed it down a bit.  So that just leaves two billion other men.  Don't tell me you're Hogan Martin?"  She scrunched up her nose in disgust and he laughed again before stroking her cheek gently.

"Don't guess, just let it be.  Why ruin a good thing?"

"But are we always going to have to resort to meeting in dreams?  I'd like for this to be real."

"Shh, it is real."  She let the words hang in the air for a moment trying to figure out what he meant by that.  
"What?"

"Don't dwell on the unanswered questions.  Instead focus on what time we have.  You'll be waking up soon, do you really want to waste the last moments we have talking?"

"When you put it like that..."  She gave a sexy smile and let herself be gathered up into his arms and his mouth devoured hers once more.  She tilted her head back in an attempt to catch her breath and he moved his focus to her neck and then kissing his way up to her ear.  He bit it gently and whispered softly.

"I love you, Cordelia." 

***********

Cordelia jolted awake a little stunned and a bit happy.  No one had ever said those words to her before and she hoped that the only time she ever heard them would not be in a dream.  

"Get over it, Chase, it's not real.  Despite what he said or what you think it's only a dream and dreams can't be real, they just can't.  No matter how much you wish they were."  She glanced at the alarm clock.  She groaned as she realized that she was up thirty minutes before the alarm was set to go off.  "Well might as well get an early start on the day."  She stretched her arms over her head and headed to the bathroom to start her daily mourning routine.  

*******************

She looked in the mirror one last time and ran her finger over her bottom lip blending in the lip gloss a bit more before she declaired herself ready for school.  
She got into her car and cranked up the radio.  She had an hour to kill before she needed to be at school.  Normally she would attend the early morning Scooby meeting, but for some reason she figured she would not be welcome there.  So she decided to go to the one place she knew that she would be welcomed, at least she hoped she would be.  

She pulled up to the mansion and was beginning to have second thoughts.  It was daylight, what if he was sleeping?  What if he didn't really want her there?  All these doubts and more ran through her mind, but she took a deep breath and decided to go for it.  Since when was Queen C ever afraid of anything?  But since when could she ever keep up that facade around him?  She lifted her hand to knock lightly and then turned around figuring the light tap would be sufficiant enough to quell the nagging voice in her head that said she should see him.
  She had just taken one step away from the door before it opened a crack.

"Cordelia?" 

"Angel?"

"What are you doing here so early?"

"Thought I'd say hi?"

"Well, come in."  He moved away from the door and she pushed it open a bit more allowing her to slip through and then shut it quickly before any harmful rays of sun could enter.  

"Is it ok that I'm here?"  

"Of course it is.  I'm glad to see you."

"Really?"

"Yes, why would you think otherwise?"

"I just never really had a real friend before, it's hard to know how to act.  I don't wanna screw this up."

"Just be yourself and you won't."

"Don't be so sure about that."  She flopped down on the couch and he sat down next to her.

"I meant what I said," he took her hand and squeezed it gently, "you are welcome here any time."  He smiled genuinely at her and she returned it.

"Thank you.  I just woke up early and I had some time to kill before class so I thought why not go see my good friend Angel.  Then I started to have second thoughts and third thoughts, but I ended up here anyway.  I'm sorry to just kinda come over unannounced."

"Never be sorry for coming over.  I like having company. It gets pretty lonely here."

"So what do you do for fun during the day?"

"Read. Draw. Think."

"Think about what?"

"Everything I did."  She needed no further explination and turned her head away feeling sorry for him.  He, however, mistook this as being too ashamed to look at him and he cursed himself for aswering honestly.  "Look, Cordelia..."

"It's alright, Angel, you have nothing to explain to me.   I know that it's not really who you are any more.  I've seen Angelus and I know what he is capable of and you are not capable of that."

"I wish I could believe that."

"Well how bout I believe for both of us."  She put her other hand over their still entwined hands and patted his hand.  

"You're wonderful, you know that?" 

"So I've been told."  She looked up into his eyes and gazed into the big dark orbs.  She could just get lost in them.  She ran her hand over the side of his face brushing a few strands of hair behind his ear.  She liked the way his hair felt between her fingers, especially without all the gel.  His wild bed head was actually endeering and if possible he looked even more gorgeous when he was all mussed up.  He closed his eyes just getting lost in her her touch.  It had been so long since he had shared such tenderness with another soul.  He let the moment take hold of him and leaned foreward and she did the same.  Thier mouths mere inches apart.  The slightest hint of his lips on hers and everything else seemed to melt away.  Gentle and soft their lips moved slowly just barely grazing the other's.  They both pulled back after a few moments and staired at the other with confusion.

"Cor..."

"I better get to school."  With that she jumped up and ran out the door, not even bothering to close it behind her.  He backed away from the harsh light invading his living room.  He quickly dashed into the shadows and closed the door from behind, careful to avoid any direct sunlight.  Then he sat back down on his couch and tried to figure out what the hell just happened.

************************

Cordelia slammed her locker shut and leaned her back up against it.  Taking a deep breath, she made her way down the hall her head held high and her mind wandering to all the places she had been coaching it not to go all day, but to no avail.  For some reason her mind had only one focus, Angel.  More to the point, Angel and the fact that he kissed her.  Angel, Mr. No-Bone-Buffy-Lap-Dog-Brooding-Ex-Homicidal-Killer, kissed her.  It was all too much to comprehend.  It went against everything that she had known to be true. Buffy and Angel had the big forever love, didn't they?

If that were true then he wouldn't have kissed her.  Why did he kiss her?  Was it one of those spur of the moment things?  Did he actually think about kissing her before he actually did it?  One thing was for sure, she couldn't let it happen again.  There was no way she was going to ruin a potentially wonderful frienship, if it wasn't already ruined.  She sighed heavily and continued her train of thought.  

*************************


Faith watched Cordy coming down the hall.  She felt bad for running out on Cordy last night and wanted to make things right.  C was good people and she didn't want to mess up a potentially cool frienship before it even began.  She took a deep breath and swallowed her pride, determined to apologize.  This was not something she did often, but she was willing to make that sacrifice.  All Faith ever wanted was acceptance and last night Cordy had reached out to her.  She owed it to herself and Cordy to at least make a go at the frienship thing.  She ran a hand through her hair nervously and put on her most apologetic smile as Cordy was about to pass her.

"C, I wanted to tell you..." she began, but that was all she got out before Cordy was already halfway down the hall in front of her.  "That bitch!"  She muttered and walked down the opposite end of the hall.  She needed to work off some tension.  If it was one thing she hated it was being brushed aside like she wasn't even there.  How could she have though Cordy was any different than the stuck up snobby cheerleader she had seen when she first got to Sunnydale.  

***********************

Cordy was walking down the hall when it hit her, someone had said something to her.  

"Oh shit, Faith."  She felt bad.  She was so lost in her own mind that she failed to register Faith's voice until now.  She turned on her heal and walked back towards the library, but Faith was already gone.  She shook her head, this day just got worse and worse.  She continued the trek to her car.  Once there she opened up the door climbed in and layed her head on the steering wheel.  She was so drained from everything that had transpired.  She just wanted everything to be right again.  

"Way to go, Chase.  You blew off two friends in one day, once more you are doomed to be lonely forever.

*************************
If there was one thing that could take your mind off everything around you it was the Bronze, well at least in theory.  Cordy got there early to make sure she wouldn't run into any of the Scooby Gang or their outcasts.  That way she could see if any came in and successfully avoid them.  That was the plan anyway.  The club was packed for 7pm, usually everyone showed up around 8 or so.  She did a sweep of the room trying to spot anyone that she was trying to avoid.  She did this every 20minutes or so, just to be sure.  There was no way she could face, Angel and she didn't want to risk one of the Scooby Gang telling him where she was.  Then there was Faith, she wanted to make things up to the girl, but wasn't sure how to go about it.  Best thing was to stay out of the eyeline of anyone that could possibly confront her tonight.  She needed some space to work things out.  She picked a dark corner to dance in that was close to a table that was all but hidden by a beam.  Perfect!  She had been there for over 45minutes when she finally caught sight of someone she hoped would not be there.  Buffy and Co. walked in followed by...

"Angel,"  she whispered.  She tried not to stare at him, but it was hard not to do.  Besides she had convinced herself she was a safe enough distance not to get spotted.  She watched him pull Buffy aside and they engaged in what looked like a heartfelt conversation.  Buffy put her hand on his shouldar and nodded thoughtfully at whatever the vampire was saying.  Cordy cursed herself for every thinking that she could ever have come between them.  A few hot tears trickled down her face.  She hurredly wiped them away and ran into the bathroom, she couldn't watch this anymore.  She couldn't take seeing Angel with Buffy, it hurt more than it should.  
**************
"I'm sorry, Angel, I haven't seen her since school.  She seemed kinda out of it."  Buffy put her hand on Angel's shouldar in some form of comfort.  She could see her ex-boyfriend was going through something, something she wasn't apart of.  She should be jealous and furious, and she knew she probably would be later, but right now she was focused on trying to get Angel's mind on other things.  "She'll probably show up soon.  Do you wanna dance and that way you could watch the door and spend a bit of time with me as well.  I miss just hanging out with you." 

"I don't know, Buffy, I just really need to talk to Cordelia.  It's really important."

"Well she'll probably be on the dance floor, so what better place to look for her then in her element?  Please?"  She pleaded with him batting her puppy dog eyes.  He sighed and reluctantly relented.  She clapped her hands in triumph and led him out to the dance floor.  She was going to get his mind off Cordelia.  'It shouldn't be so hard,' she mused.  Just her luck the song changed to a slow song and she pressed her body as close as she could to the shocked Angel.  He awkwardly swayed to the music.  

******************

Cordelia dabbed at her eyes with a paper towel trying to salvage what was left of her makeup and not look like a total wreck.  

"Why did I even come here in the first place.  I just need to go home, take a nice hot bath and fall asleep."  She sighed and looked at herself once more in the mirror ready to steel her expression and go out with confidence and her head held high.  She would not let Angel and his slayer get to her.  

She exited the bathroom and out into the sea of people that were now crowding the dance floor.  She saw waves of faces that she didn't recognize until her gaze landed on Buffy and Angel dancing close.  She swallowed a lump in her throat and raced toward the back exit.  As she was nearing it someone stepped into her path, making her jump.

"Faith!  You scared me."  She clutched a hand to her chest.

"Oh, sorry.  Wouldn't want to frighten the princess."  Faith's eyes were cold and seemed to look right through her.  Cordelia felt a cold shiver go through her spine.

"Faith, about earlier.  I was just..."

"Being your own selfish stuck up bitch self?"  

"No.  Won't you let me explain?"

"Explain what?  How you blew me off earlier?"

"Like you blew me off yesterday?  If I remember correctly you were the one that ran out on me during what was turning out to be a really nice conversation."

"Well I was going to apologize for that, but now I know I was wrong for even thinking you were worth giving the time of day too.  Here I thought, hey C's a cool chick why not give her a chance?  But boy was I ever wrong.  Don't know what Angel sees in you.
Except maybe an easy fuck."  Cordelia rolled her eyes and opened her mouth to refute that remark, but was cut off.  "Yeah, that's the only foreseeable reason Angel would hang out with a spoiled bitch like you.  I bet you would give it up in a heartbeat for him.  I've seen the way you are around him."

"Like hell you have, since when have you seen us together?"

"Last night on your balcony."

"Oh right, when you tried to kill him."

"Hey better dust then have to put up with you.  Bet he was begging to be dusted after listening to you for a long time."

"Fuck you."

"Oh you wish."

"Like i'd ever fuck a skank whore who has more STDs then I have shoes."

"Yeah well at least I can get fucked.  You batted your eyes and cozied up to the big bad hunk of undead and still he didn't take you to bed.  Just tucked you in and kissed your forehead like he was your fucking father or some shit."

"How dare you spy on me."

"Fuck I'd come to apologize over trying to kill Angel and caught the floor show.  Can't blame me, you rather I interrupted you and lover boy, as if there was anything to interrupt.  You are so pathetic, you know that?"

"Oh, I'm pathetic?  Take a look around, Faith.  You are lonelier then I'll ever be.  Have you ever had anyone that cares about you?  How could you?  You push away people faster then they could say hi."

"Look who's talking."

"Yeah, I push people away, I admit it.  But at least I have Angel."

"Oh yeah, and that's why you avoiding him, right?  You think I didn't notice the way you convienently stay out of his eyeline?  So tell me, little miss I know everything about everyone, why is it that you are avoiding the person you claim is the one person to truly care about you?  Hmmm?"

"None of your business."

"See, now we are getting somewhere.  Did you and the big bad vampire have a fight."  She condisended to Cordelia who responded with her patented eye roll

"You know what, Faith, I don't have to explain anything to you.  So I think i'm just gonna leave."

"You can't just leave."

"Oh yeah?  Watch me."  With that she side stepped Faith and walked out the door and into the alley.  She breathed a sigh of relief.  Alone at last.  She reached into her purse making sure the stake she kept there was at easy reach, just in case, as she walked to her car.

************

Faith stood rooted in the same spot Cordelia had left her in for a few minutes after the other girl had left.

"What the fuck just happened here?"  She was pissed, no one just walked away from her and got away with it.  She had to have the last word.  She was about to follow Cordelia out into the night, but was stopped by a hand on her shouldar.  She spun around and went into fighting stance, but relaxed quickly when she saw who it was.  "Angel, you can't just sneak up on people like that.  Especially slayers, kinda a hazard don't you think?"

"Have you seen Cordelia?"

"Well aren't we Mr Straight to the point.  Not even pleasentries?  No, 'hey, Faith, how ya doing'?"

"Sorry.  Hey Faith how ya doing?  Now have you seen Cordelia?"

"I'm fine and the queen bitch of Sunnydale just left.  What happened between you two anyway?"

"Why?  What did she say?"

"Nothing much, but I got the sense that all is not right."

"I don't have time for this, Faith.  I really need to talk to her."

"She probably went home."

"Thanks."

"I wouldn't follow her if I were you."

"And why not?"

"Cuz whatever you did, she's royally pissed off, don't wanna make her angrier do ya?  Besides that's my job."

"You'll talk to her for me?"

"Yeah, sure I'm in a helpful mood.  And there are few things I wanna tell the cheerleader myself."

"Thanks, Faith.  Let me know how it goes, I don't want to lose her."

"Don't worry, Big Guy I'll handle everything."  Angel failed to notice the mischievious glint in her eyes at her promise.  

***************

Cordelia wrapped the towel around her body and grabbed another towel to start drying her hair with.  She was exhausted, both physically and emotionally.  All she wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep for the next few days.  Thank god it was Friday.  She grabbed a scrunchy and put her wet hair up, feeling too lazy to blow dry it before bed.  She let the towel drop and slipped into a pair of boxers and a tank top that she had layed out for herself.  She stood in the doorway of her bathroom as she noticed a figure sitting on her bed.  
"I thought, I told you we were done."

"Yeah, well I didn't think we were."  Faith stood up and crossed the room to stand in front of Cordelia.  

"I'm just not in the mood, Faith.  I'm tired, so can we do this tomorrow?"  To emphasize her point she stretched her arms and yawned.

"Got a message from your, what is he now?  Friend? Ex-friend?  Crush?"

"What did he say?"  She ignored Faith's last comments.

"He was looking for you, rather franticly.  Didn't mention that you were avoiding him.  Actually he was about to follow you, so you better thank me for intercepting him and telling him i'd talk to you."  Cordelia wanted to come back with something snotty and snarky, but she just didn't have it in her anymore.

"Thank you."  She said instead, which shocked the hell out of Faith.  Faith just stared at her trying to see if there was some kind of sarcasm or something behind her words, but all she saw was the Cordelia she saw the other night.

"Ok, is this some kinda trick? I mean you're not gonna go all super bitch on me again the second I let my guard down."

"No more games, Faith.  I'm sorry I blew you off earlier, I didn't mean to.  I've just got a lot on my mind and a lot to sort out.  Do you think we can just start over."

"You're serious?"

"Yeah.  Do you think maybe we could be friends?"

"I'd like that."  Cordelia walked over to her bed and sat down patting the comforter as an invitation to join her.  Faith skeptically made her way over to sit next to Cordelia.

"So what's got you all messed?"

"Promise me that whatever I tell you will be held in the strictest confidence.  No using this against me if I accidently piss you off again."

"Promise, now spill already."

"Angel kissed me this morning."

"Get out?  Really?  I knew you two had a little somethin' somethin' going on."  Faith nudged Cordelia with her elbow.

"No, it was totally out of the blue and it was the most...confusing thing I've ever felt."

"What's to confuse, he kissed you.  I take you kissed him back."

"Well, duh."

"So what kind of kiss was it?  One of those hot devouring each other's mouth bruising kisses?  A searing passionate toe curling kiss?  What?"

"More like a barely there, but more intense then anything I've ever felt before."  Cordelia fell back on the bed with her hands over her eyes.  Faith turned over on her stomach laying down propping her head in her hands.

"So you liked it?"

"Of course I did, that's what makes it so confusing.  I have no clue how he feels."

"What did he say afterwards."

"Nothing, I didn't give him the chance.  I ran out of there as soon as it was over."

"No wonder he's in a panic trying to find you."

"Faith, what am I gonna do?"

"Go to him and make with the screwage already."

"Is everyting about sex with you?"

"Well, yeah, what else are you gonna do with a guy?"

"Develop a deep and meaningful relationship with freinship as well as love?"

"Overrated.  Get some and get gone that's the best way."

"That's because you've never tried the alternative."

"Nope and not going to."

"You'll meet someone that will change your mind."

"Doubtful."

"We'll see.  In the meantime what should I do about Angel.  And don't say anything about sex, fucking or screwing."

"Fine, you take all the fun out of things.  Why don't you sit down and have a heart to heart with the vamp, see where you both are coming from."

"But what if we just ruined our friendship?  I don't wanna lose what we have."

"But what if you have the chance to make the frienship grow into something more, something that movies are made of?"

"Is it worth the risk?"

"Only you can know for sure."  Faith laid her head down and both girls eye's met.  "One things for sure, if Angel's too big a jerk to realize what a great chick you are then you know you have one friend you can turn to.  I'm sorry for what I said earlier, I was hurt."

"I know, and I'm sorry for what I said.  I didn't mean any of it."

"Eh, it's no biggie."

"I'm still sorry."

"Ok now that we've done the bonding buddy girl thing, I think I'll be heading for home sweet flea bag motel."  Faith let out a bitter chuckle.  Cordelia sat up and watched Faith turn towards to the window.

"You don't have to go, ya know.  I mean this 'bonding buddy girl thing' doesn't have to end yet.  You could spend the night."

"That is so fruity."

"Yeah, but it can be fun."

"Fine, but I'm not letting you give me makeovers or braiding my hair."

"Deal."  

Cordelia was pleased that Faith and her had managed to work through the misunderstanding.  Now if only she could have the same luck with Angel.