Title: These Dreams (tentative?)

Author: Kristen

Spoilers: None

Rating: PG-13-R Authors Note: Chalk it up to watching my Season 2 and

Season 3 Buffy DVDs...this takes place pre Lover's Walk...so C/X are together and B/A are kinda "trying to be together," unsuccessfully of course! :)

Pairing: a bit of C/X, VERY minor B/A, and of course Mainly C/A!!

Two rough, yet gentle hands caressed her bare back eliciting hot shivers down her spine and causing her to moan in pure pleasure. His lips were upon hers capturing the moan and savoring it. His strong arms pulling them even closer together, so close she wasn't sure where she ended and he began. Everything felt right in that moment, like nothing had in her life. She felt safe, loved. He made her feel like the most beautiful women in the world. Her hand reached out to touch his face, which was hidden in the shadows.

"I want to see you, the man who makes me feel so complete." She whispered into the darkness. His finger came to her lips.

"Shh, it isn't time." His finger was replaced by his lips and his hands started a journey to touch every inch of her body.

The whole world seemed to disappear in that instant, it was just them, the way it was meant to be. She didn't know his face, but he seemed familiar somehow. His hands were magic, knowing just the right spots to make her feel like she was going to explode for sheer pleasure. She could feel it building inside of her, she was close. He was on top of her now and she held her breath in anticipation.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Cordelia grumbled as she hit the snooze button on her alarm clock.

"Damn thing, you couldn't have waited just a bit longer?"

She rolled out of bed and sat down at her vanity. She looked at her flushed face and sweat soaked hair. "That was one hell of a dream." She smiled as she could still almost feel his breath on her skin and the feel of his hands on her. She let out a ragged breath then shook the thoughts out of her mind "It was just a dream." She stated firmly "It was just a dream." She repeated sadly.

Cordelia Chase walked down the halls of Sunnydale, the halls that she used to own. Where she used to rule with an iron glare, where she could have her pick of any guy in the school. So why did she gave all that up for Xander Harris?

"Hey, Cordy." Xander came up behind her, putting an arm around her shoulder as he broke her out of her thoughts. She forced a smile up at him. "So we still on for tonight?"

"Tonight?"

"Yeah, you, me, dark room filled with other groping teenagers otherwise known as a movie."

"Oh...yeah...right..."

"Ok, you seem a million miles away."

"Sorry, just thinking." If he only knew what about, she thought to herself.

"Uh oh, that's never a good thing." She cast him a death glare and shrugged off his arm.

"Ok, sorry, whatcha thinking about." He said obviously feigning interest.

"God, nevermind." She huffed and walked off dismissing him with a wave of her hand.

"But we're still on for tonight right?" He yelled after her.

The day just seemed to drag on endlessly, everything the same as the days previous. Even demon research was getting, blah. All Cordelia wanted to do was slip into her bed and back into the arms of the man who made everything exciting and new.

Now, in the cafeteria, at the usual Scooby table, she sat pushing around the slop that passed for food at Sunnydale High. She half listened to the Slayer's latest tale of heroic battle which always somehow ended up turning into a big Angel gush. Cordelia tended to tune out those parts of the conversation. She didn't really care what kind of new hair gel he was using or how Buffy was trying to convince herself they were "just friends" when she obviously was still lusting over the guy hard. Cordelia wishes the big will they or won't they question would be settled once and for all so they could all get on with there lives. The tragic love story of the slayer and vampire with a soul was worse than a soap opera. She just couldn't take it anymore.

"You know guys, this conversation is riviting, really it is, but ya know i think i'm gonna go. I'm not feeling to well, I think this school is trying to poisen me with it's so called food." At that Xander reached over and took a bite of the food on Cordelia's tray.

"Tastes ok to me."

"It would." She rolled her eyes at Xander and walked out of the Cafeteria. Xander staired as his girlfriend walked away than shrugged and took another bite of the food on the abandoned tray.

"I still say it tastes fine" He said as he scooted the tray closer to him.

Cordelia drove down the lonely streets of Sunnydale blasting the music on her radio. She needed to keep her mind off of things. Ever since her dreams started she hasn't felt the same about anything. These dreams were invading her mind during the day and wouldn't let her go.

"Come on Cordy, they are just dreams, it's not like they mean anything. It's not like this guy really exists, at least not for you. Maybe they are just dreams of how you'd want Xander to be? Maybe thats why the guy seems so fimiliar? Ok I gotta stop thinking about this, obsessing is so not what i need right now, especially over some un attainable fantasy mystery guy. So why do i just wanna go home and go to sleep?" She let out a heavy sigh. She had been driving for hours now and nothing had helped to distract her. It was starting to get dark, she glanced at the clock on the radio. 6:35.

"Oh Shit, Xander, the movies." No sooner had that thought appeared than her cell phone rang.

"Hello."

"Cordelia?"

"Xander, hey."

"So, I was just wondering..."

"If we are still on for the movies?"

"Actually about the movie, i was wondering if maybe you wouldn't mind Bronzing it instead? I hear the movie is really overrated anyway."

"Yeah, sure..."

"And maybe we should meet there, say around 8ish."

"Fine..."

"Alright see ya then. Bye." He then hung up.

"Yeah, see ya then." She threw down her cell phone on the seat next to her. Hanging out at the Bronze meant that she'd be with the whole Scooby Gang tonight. She had to wonder if they would notice or care if she didn't show up at all. Sure she hung out with them now and even was research and stinky herbs girl, but did she actually matter to them? Now she was beginning to realize how "invisable Marci" felt. Cordelia was starting to lose her entire identy, she didn't even know who she was anymore.

Poplar?

Barely, her only redeaming quality to the "in crowd" was that she was a cheerleader. Her old friends didn't even acknowlege her since she started dating Xander.

Xander's Girlfriend?

Maybe, though he doesn't seem as interested in her as he used to be and she knew that if Buffy ever showed the slightest bit of interest he'd drop her in a 2 seconds flat, probably even quicker. The only thing worse than dating a loser reject, is getting dumped by a loser reject.

A Scooby?

well, when they needed a car or she was bored, but invitations to Scooby meetings seemed forced. She knew the only reason they tolerated her now was because she was dating Xander.

So who was she?

"I'm Cordelia Chase, and i'm...and i'm...alone. Why can't I have the fairy tale that I deserve? The man that can sweep me off my feet and make me feel whole? Yeah right, in my dreams...literaly." She laughed at her reverie and drove herself home to change for The Bronze.

Cordelia took a deep breath and put her on her most confident of smiles as she walked into The Bronze. She wanted all eyes on her, and her outfit showed it. A short black miniskirt with a red tight top to go with it. She strolled through the crowd with ease and loved the attention guys were giving her. "Hey who knows, maybe one of these is my dream guy." she thought to herself, just as she bumped into someone. She caught her breath as she saw the figure cloaked in darkness and shadows. She instantly flashed to the dream. She looked up to see who this guy was and had to take a step back.

"Cordelia, are you ok, you look pale."

"Angel?"

Cordelia backed up until she hit a chair and then slumped down into it. Angel kneeled down in obvious worry.

"Cordelia? What is it?" Her mind was racing, this just couldn't be, her dream guy couldn't be Angel, he was Buffy's and besides that he was officially a "no bone" conisdering the whole going homicidal thing. She took a deep breath and kept repeating in her head, "it's not Angel, it's not Angel. I've just been thinking about this dream way too much and the first hunky shadowy figure i see of course i'd flash back, doesn't mean that's my dream man." That made her feel better whether she fully believed it or not.

"I'm fine, just haven't been feeling well lately."

"Are you sure you're ok?" He looked truly worried. Cordelia smiled up at him.

"Yeah, of course."

"Do you want some water or something?"

"No, I'm fine, really."

"You don't look fine, you just went really pale." Cordelia had to laugh at the Vampire, in desperate need of a suntan saying she looked pale. "What's so funny."

"Nothing." She regained her composure and stood up. "Angel, thanks."

"For what?"

"Caring." She gave him a genuine smile, which he couldn't help but return "You know you should really do that more often, you know, smile."

"I'll work on it. You look better, the color's returning."

"See told you I was fine, just haven't been feeling well."

"You said that already."

"Yeah just making sure the point got across."

"Well if you aren't feeling well, then shouldn't you be at home, getting some rest?" She stared hard at him, thinking of her dream.

"Umm, no rest is the last thing I need, trust me." He looked confused by her statement. He didn't know much about medical things, but getting rest is one thing he was sure the human body needed when feeling ill. Wasn't it?

"Why do you say..."

"Angel, Cordelia hey!" The slayer came up behind the two putting a possessive hand on Angel's shouldar. Xander followed behind Buffy and wrapped his arm around Cordelia.

"So what were you two crazy kids talking about?" Xander asked, trying not to come off as being too jealous of the way she had been smiling at the vampire.

"Nothing, just waiting for you guys."

"Ah, well I'm here now so the party can now begin." Xander gave Cordelia a quick kiss. "Care to dance?"

"Yeah, why not." Xander lead her to the dance floor and Angel stared after her.

"Angel...Angel..." Buffy waved her hand in front of his face trying to get his attention.

"Hmm?"

"What's going on with you, you look deep in thought, like more so than usual."

"No, not really."

"So what were you and Cordelia talking about?"

"Nothing, like she said, we were just passing the time waiting for you two."

"Sorry, you had to put up with her, if I had known you'd be stuck here alone with the spawn of satan, I'd have shown up sooner."

"Buffy, she's not really that bad."

"You've obviously haven't had to hang around her for prolonged periods of time."

"Buffy, that's enough ok."

"Touchy, touchy. It's just Cordelia."

"Even so, she's still a person."

"That's debatable."

"Buffy..." He gave her a warning look.

"Sorry, lets drop the subject."

"Sounds good."

"You wanna dance?" Angel raised an eyebrow, he hated to dance.

Cordelia sat back as she listened to the Slayer go on and on about some kinda fight she had had that evening. Everyone seemed so rivited to her heroic tale and not even Xander had acknowledged that she was even there for the past 20minutes. She felt so alone. What was she thinking even being there in the first place, it always started out the same way. First they would be nice or at least tolerant of her, Xander would show his affection in one way or another, then they would forget she was even in the room until she made some snarky or bitchy comment to which they would all roll there eyes at then go back to ignoring her again. This night was no exception. "Why do i even bother" she thought to herself as she got up and slipped out of the Bronze, the Scooby gang was none the wiser.

She exited the club through the back alley and took a deep breath as she entered the night. She was trying to hold back some tears that were threatening to escape. Why did she even put herself through that, when she knew it always ended the same? Does she take delight in torturing herself? She wrapped her coat around her and started to walk when a hand came on her shouldar causing her to jump in fright, she was about to scream until she heard a fimiliar voice.

"Cordelia, it's just me."

"God, Angel, you really need to make more noise when you sneak up on a person."

"But then it really wouldn't be sneaking up on someone now would it?"

"Still...so what are you doing here anyway? Shouldn't you be inside drooling over the slayer?"

"Not like they even notice I'm gone."

"Join the club."

"There's a club for outcasts from the outcasts?"

"Apparently so, and I'm the presidant, you can be vice presidant if you like."

"That's very generous of you."

"I thought so."

"Cordelia, why do you put up with him?"

"Who, Xander?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know."

"Do you love him?"

"I thought I did...now I'm not so sure."

"How do you not know if you love someone?"

"Do you love Buffy?"

"Well...that's...that's complicated."

"Same with Xander and I."

"So you went all evil and killed a bunch of people, terrorized your friends, tried to kill the person you are supposed to love until that person sent you to hell to stop an apocolypse that you yourself started?"

"Ok we have a winner in the most complicated love catagory."

"You still haven't really answered my question."

"Why do I put up with Xander?"

"That would be the one."

"He can be sweet and nice. Then there is the whole dorky cute thing he's got, and I don't know. If you had asked me a couple of months ago...it was so different then. We were happy, for the most part, now it's changed. He's distant and i'm not even sure he wants to be around me half the time and i know the reast of the Slayer's gang doesn't."

"Then why stick around?"

"Where else am I gonna go? I gave up pretty much my entire social standing at Sunnydale High for Xander and there is no going back now." There was a slight pause. "Angel?"

"Hmm?"

"You ever get the feeling that nobody cares? That you could discover the cure for fucking cancer and everyone would be like 'yeah but can you cure AIDS?' Thats my life in a nutshell, nothing is ever good enough. When do i get to find that one person that will listen to me and be proud of me when i do something good? When?" She looked up at him hoping he'd have an answer. He felt sorry for the girl beside him. A girl who just last year he had written off as nothing but a spoiled brat, but there was something deeper to her.

"You know, if you ever need anything i'm around. If you need someone to lend an ear or..."

"God I hope you mean figuratively." The grossed out expression caused Angel to laugh.

"Of course i mean figuratively, you've been on the hellmouth way too long."

"Yeah, tell me about it. I can't wait til i graduate."

"Why's that?"

"'Cause i'll be out of the hellmouth for good. I'm going to LA and become a famous actress. I know there is more for me then research and demon goo."

"You know what i think you're right, i'm sure you'll make a great actress."

"Really?"

"Uh huh."

"You are the first person to really support me on my dream. Thank you."

"How come you're not like this with the rest of them?"

"Like what?"

"Well, no offence, but you act like such a bitch sometimes towards them and maybe that might be why they don't want to be around you as much. Why can't you open up to them like you are doing with me?"

"I don't know, i don't let my guard down to often, it tends to lead to my getting hurt. I don't like getting hurt. With you, it's different somehow. I feel i can talk to you and maybe even truly be myself around you. I wonder why that is?"

"I'm glad that you can talk to me and i meant what i said, i'm around whenever you need me. You know where i live."

"That i do and you know if you need to talk or whatever you can always drop by."

"Is that an invitation?"

"Yeah it is, as long as you have a soul you are welcome into my home."

"Thank you. Speaking of which, we're here."

"Home sweet home." She said sarcasticly.

"Doesn't even look like anyone's here."

"Oh they aren't, just like Buffy, Xander and the rest of them, my parents don't like to be around me more than they have to be as well."

"That's wrong."

"I'm used to it, sometimes it's better that way."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, i'm fine. So I guess i'll see you later?"

"Definately." They looked at each other for a long and intense moment before breaking the gaze. They laughed nearvously.

"Guess this is goodnight."

"Goodnight Cordelia." Angel gave a quick wave and walked off into the night. Cordelia went in her house and up to her room to get ready for bed. She then crawled under her covers with a smile on her face and drifted off to sleep.

"I was hoping you'd show."

"Where else would i be."

"I know who you are now, you don't have to hide." A hand reached for hers and traced circles on her palm.

"You think you know do you?"

"Of course, i'm very perceptive you know."

He pulled her closer to him, kissing her neck, then her lips. Her mouth parted allowing him easy access into the warm depths of her mouth. He removed his mouth from hers causing her to gasp at the loss. He quickly moved to her ear.

"You may not be as perceptive as you think" He whispered."

Cordelia jolted up in her bed and hugged her knees close to her and laying her head atop of them.

"It's not Angel?" She choked out as sobs started to rack her body.