Title: My Last Breath

Spoilers: none that I can think of

Pairing: Faith/Wes

Distribution: Going Rogue, any others just ask and it shall be yours! :)

Summary: Faith's final thoughts...

Authors Note: Listening to My Last Breath by Evanescence and this fic came out. Yes I know it's a bit depressing subject matter, but I had to write it!

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~Hold on to me my love
You know I can't stay long
All I wanted to say was
I love you and I'm not afraid
Can you hear me?
Can you feel me in your arms?

Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you
Sweet raptured light
It ends here tonight~
-My Last Breath by Evanescence

I always wondered what my last thought would be. What my last word would be. What my last breath would feel like. Well, looks like I'm about to find out. I can feel it taking hold; something that a few years ago I would've welcomed. Now, though, it seems to soon. I still have so much I want to do, so much I want to say. What about my redemption? I wanted to feel worthy for once in my sad pitiful life. Why don't I ever get to feel the good stuff huh? No, all I'm allowed to feel is pain, guilt, emtiness, loneliness. Oh, the loneliness was the worse and here I am alone once again. Alone in life, alone in death, seems rather fitting doesn't it? Karma coming around and biting me in my ass.

So, now I'm dying, what's next? Is there such a thing as an "afterlife?" I know B went to some higher heavenly paradise demension or some shit, but she's little miss sweetness and light. So, where do murderous bitches go? I tried so hard to make up for everything I did, but I know I haven't come close to doing so. I didn't have time and now I guess I never will have the time. Do intentions count? I know that I'm finally starting to make headway with the people that mean the most to me. Angel is actually proud of me, since I'm now fighting the good fight and his being proud makes me feel proud. Then there's him. I can't help but smile, even now, when I think of him. We've come so far this past year and he's forgiven me. At least I don't have to die with that on my conscience. He gave me a second chance and that is worth everything to me. Things were finally looking up for me. He was there for me more and more and a connection was forming. If given more time I know we could've been something great. A fucking fairytale come true, but of course not. I don't get happily ever after. I don't deserve it.

Darkness is looming and I feel it, it's so close. No, please, I don't wanna go. Not before seeing him one last time, I know that he can make it alright. I know that seeing him will make me less scared. I'm so afraid and don't want to do this alone. I would give anything to look at those blue eyes one last time. To have him make the pain go away. I need him, where the fuck is he when I need him!

Breathing is getting harder to keep doing and I know it's not much longer. My mind is scrambling for the perfect thought to end on and it sets on him. Suddenly I can see him. At first I think it's just a vision or a dream I once had, but then I realize he's actually next to me calling my name and trying in vain to save me. He gathers me in his arms. His arm is under my head and I have a perfect view of his blue eyes, tears pricking them as he looks down at me. I smile weakily. Someone up there finally listened to me. I'm not alone. My last thought; him trying so desperatly to save me. I'm touched at this. He's the only other person, besides Angel, to do this for me. I'm gonna miss him. His tears are falling freely; I can almost taste them. I wish that I had the strength to wipe them away.

My last breath comes out raggid and rough as I try to form my last word. There is so much I want to tell him, so much that needs to be said, but I'm not strong enough to say them. I want to tell him how much he means to me, how much his being here means to me. I want to tell him how I'm not scared anymore, that in his arms I feel like I can face anything. But all I can manage is a weak and soft, but audible.

"Wes."

Fin