Ban Notice, by the Jeanster
A BANNED LIBRARY PATRON LAMENTS ABOUT HIS FATE (with apologies to the USA NETWORK'S excellent TV series "BURN NOTICE")
Mickey Wiseguy: [voice-over] My name is Mickey Wiseguy. I used to hang out at the local public library. Until . . .
(reads letter received in the mail): This is a Ban Notice. You are hereby banned from your local Public Library.
Mickey Wiseguy: [voice-over] When you're banned, you've got nothing. No borrowing privileges, no story hour, no browsing through the library books and DVDs. You're banned from ever setting foot inside the library.
Mickey Wiseguy: (confused look on his face while standing outside the library): Where am I?
Fayoni Gladiatress: Duh? Outside the library. (rolls eyes)
Mickey Wiseguy: [voice-over]: You read whatever comes your way: a discarded newspaper you find on the bus, really old magazines in the doctor's waiting room, the back of a cereal box. You rely on anyone who's still talking to you. An ex-girlfriend...
Fayoni Gladiatress: You just HAD to start a fight in the library, didn't you?
Mickey Wiseguy: You just HAD to hit me back with that chair, didn't you?
Mickey Wiseguy: [voice-over]: An old friend with a librarian fetish...
Sam Hatchet: You know librarians...bunch of dowdy spinsters during the day, until they transform into passionate exciting hotties at night!
Mickey Wiseguy: [voice-over]: Family too...
Sam Hatchet: [phone rings] Hey, is that your Mom again?
Mickey Wiseguy: [voice-over]... if you're desperate.
Mickey's Mom: Fighting in the library? Mickey, I KNOW I brought you up better than that!
Mickey Wiseguy: [voice-over] Bottom line? Until you can figure out how to get yourself unbanned from the library. . . you're not going in there.
USA Network's Burn Notice
Jeanster's Home Page
Comic Strip Version of Ban Notice