Oi! Or Why Animal Planet and Whiskey Just Don’t Mix
by Alexandria

”Xander, mate, pet, luv, darlin’, apple of my eye, blood of my heart, I
really, truly think this is a bad idea.”  Spike leaned against the wall,
nervously looking about while Xander tried to uncoil the rope.

“Spike, please, are you trying to tell me that you have a problem with a bit
of breaking and entering.  Whoa, head rush.”  Xander staggered back a bit
and propped a hand on the small tree next to him.

“I’m not saying that at all.  I meant that it’s a bad idea to let you use
the rope.  You’re drunk.”  Spike reached out and took the hook from Xander’s
hand as Xander slowly swayed in the breeze.

“Am not.  Besides you’re drunker than me.”  This pronouncement came with the
grave solemnity only the truly inebriated can achieve.  “Gimme that back.”
Xander wrapped a hand around the base of the hook and tugged hard.

Spike lurched forward a bit, then tugged back harder causing Xander to
topple over.  “Ha!  Mine!  And am not!”  Spike plopped down on the ground
next to Xander as his legs gave way.

“Shhhh, you’ll get us caught.  Fuck, aren’t you supposed to like, prance
about all gracefully and shit.”  Xander snorted as Spike struggled to get
back up.

“Fuck you.”  Spike responded, cautiously moving away from the swaying tree
branches.

“Later.  Promise.  Right now, let’s get over that wall.”  Xander used
Spike’s leg to pull himself up, running a hand along Spike’s groin in the
process.

“Xander,” Spike whined as the lovely heat of Xander’s hand  moved away.

“Later.  Promise.  Now let’s get over that wall.”  Xander quickly knotted
the rope through the ring of the hook and began twirling it over his head.
After a few quick turns he let the hook fly.  It sailed through the air in a
graceful arc and caught right over the top of the wall.  Spike’s jaw
dropped.

“Xander, where did you learn to do that?”  Spike whispered, impressed in
spite of himself.

Xander shot him a cocky grin.  “What do you think we did before Buffy and
you showed up?  Needlepoint?” He gave the rope a firm yank, then, satisfied
that the hook would hold, grabbed the rope and began scaling the wall.  He
quickly reached the top and sat on the edge, looking down at the astonished
vampire.  He smirked.  “You coming?”

“Not at the moment.”  Spike shook his head, then, darting another glance
around, climbed up and sat on the top of the wall with Xander.

“Ok, we have to watch out for the guards, I don’t have their schedule
memorized anymore.”  Xander lifted the hook and gathered the rope back
together, coiling the rope and putting it back in his pack.  His eyes
sparkled as he took in a few deep breaths.  He was quickly sobering up out
here in the crisp night air.

“Right.”  Spike cast an eye about the grounds.  “There’s no one close.”  He
ran a finger along Xander’s jaw, captivated by the shadows crossing Xander’s
face as the moon danced in and out of the clouds.  “You used to have the
guard’s routine memorized?”

“Yeah, Jesse and I used to come here all the time.”  Xander quietly replied,
eyes hazy in memory.  He shook his head hard and then grinned at Spike.
“It’s only a five foot drop on this side.  Jump.”  He pushed off and dropped
to the ground with a stifled thump.

Spike dropped down next to him, landing on the balls of his feet.  He slung
an arm over Xander’s shoulders as they walked up the hill.  He still wasn’t
quite sure why they were here.  One moment they were in their apartment,
watching Animal Planet, drinking and throwing popcorn at the screen.  It was
Spike’s idea of the perfect Saturday night.  The next thing he knew, Xander
was dragging him to the car and now here they were.

“Oh, wow, Spike, come on, you have to see this.”  Xander took off at a run,
heading down the hill towards some enclosure.

“Xander, try to remember that we’re not exactly supposed to be here,” Spike
called out as he took off after the dark haired blur.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Xander called over his shoulder.  “You won’t let
anything bad happen to me.”

“Damn straight,” Spike muttered as he caught up to his lover.  “Well, now.
This is interesting.”

“Knew you’d like it.”  Xander grinned as Spike watched, enthralled.  The
polar bears glistened in the night, the moonlight making their fur glow.
The two bears frolicked in the water, diving and chasing one another.  Spike
glanced over at Xander, a brilliant smile on his face.

“This is why we always came at night.  The bigger animals like it better.
Cooler or something.”  Xander took Spike’s hand as the vampire simply nodded
then turned back to watch.  They stayed there for a few more minutes, then
Xander pulled Spike after him.  “We better get moving, the longer we’re in
one place, the more likely we are to be caught.”

Spike merely nodded, recognizing the logic of the statement, turning to
catch one last look before turning back to Xander.   They moved down the
hill, both listening closely for any sounds of a patrol.  The only sounds
they heard were the animals moving in the night.  Finally, they came to stop
before a large pen.

“Here we are,” Xander announced grandly, arms spread wide.

“And here would be?” Spike questioned, head tilted to one side.

“Look,” Xander patiently replied, pointing at the figures moving about the
enclosure.

Puzzled, Spike looked in the direction Xander was pointing.  His jaw dropped
open as he realized what he was watching.  He reached out for Xander, but
his lover knew him too well and had already started running back the way I
came.  Spike took off after him, a disgusted snort ringing in the air as he
ran, mingling with the grunts and moans rising from the mating animals.

“Xander, when I said I wanted hot monkey sex, this isn’t what I meant.”

Xander simply laughed and ran faster.


END