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You're A What!?!

by Mary-Anne


NOTES: This story takes place somewhere in the second half of the second season of 'Charmed' and somewhere in the second half of the fifth season of 'Highlander.' Please be kind its my first fan fiction. Comments welcome, but flames will be extinguished and happily ignored. This is part three of a three part series. Archives: No problem, but please ask first.

DISCLAIMER: The characters and concepts from Charmed belong to Constance M. Burge and Spelling Television Inc. The characters and concepts from Highlander: The Series belong to Gaumont Television, Davis Panzer Productions Inc. and Rysher Entertainment. Everything else is made up.

Chapter 1

Phoebe sat on the hard chair trying to get comfortable but had little success. Sitting next to her were Duncan MacLeod and Richie Ryan. The trio were waiting for her sisters who were being tended to by the clinic's doctor.

"Are you sure we shouldn't take them to the hospital?" Duncan asked again.

"It's okay," she reassured him. "We've been here before. Trust me."

The dim fluorescent light above them flickered tauntingly making the pale grey walls even more dispiriting. Phoebe knew that the 24-hour medical clinic was situated in a rather unsavory part of town, but the treatment was good, and more importantly, few questions were asked of the patients. She shifted again and recalled the events that led up to this point.

Phoebe and her sisters were lured into a deadly trap by a warlock named Fenella. During the fight Prue and Piper were injured, and Richie was killed. After Phoebe vanquished with Fenella, a man who knew the warlock tried to kill her with a sword. She was saved when Duncan blocked a decapitating stroke. The two men engaged in a fatal duel that ended with her friend beheading his opponent. Then Phoebe watched as one of the most bizarre scenes she had ever witnessed in her life unfolded before her.

A maelstrom appeared out of nowhere centering on Duncan who was bombarded by bolts of energy. He absorbed the assault like a lightning rod. When the cyclone dissipated, Duncan went with Phoebe to help her sisters.

When she told the others that Richie was dead, Phoebe was surprised when Duncan didn't express the grief and anger she had expected. Instead, he wore a stony look of grim resignation and foreboding. Piper's startled gasp drew her attention away from Duncan and onto Richie who was alive and breathing. Phoebe and her sisters watched in stunned amazement as Duncan helped Richie into a sitting position.

"We have to talk," Duncan said as Piper began to sway on her feet, "but not before we go to the hospital. Piper definitely needs stitches, and Prue should be checked out as well. Phoebe, are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," she said still trying to accept Richie's miraculous recovery.

"No hospital," Piper said determinedly.

"But, Piper..." Duncan began.

"No hospital," she repeated with conviction.

"What about the medical clinic?" Phoebe suggested.

"Okay," Piper conceded.

"Why not the hospital?" Duncan insisted

"Because the last time I was in the hospital, they called in the Center for Disease Control," Piper complained.

"And because hospitals tend to ask a lot of questions," Prue said pointedly. "The clinic will be fine."

"I'll drive Prue and Piper in the SUV," Phoebe said. "You two follow."

The small group slowly made their way back to P3. Duncan carried Piper while Phoebe and Richie helped Prue. The caravan of vehicles drove off to the clinic. When they finally reached their destination, one look at the men's faces told the Halliwells that they didn't approved.

"You want to be treated here?" Duncan asked incredulously as he gestured to the shabby brick building that housed the clinic.

"I know it's not the best neighbourhood," Phoebe said, "and the clinic doesn't look like much, but the doctors are good. Besides, you are not going to be able to convince them to go to the hospital."

"No hospital," Piper repeated petulantly.

"Fine," Duncan said clearly far from satisfied.

The exhausted group entered the clinic to find it empty of people except for the staff. Prue and Piper were taken into the examination rooms while the others were left in the reception area.

The trio had been waiting for about an hour. The youngest Halliwell shifted in her seat yet again and raised a hand to stifle a yawn. The adrenaline that pumped through her for most of the night was draining fast.

Her gaze turned to Richie whose legs were stretched out before him. His arms were crossed and resting on his chest, which rose in a slow rhythm as he dosed lightly. He had changed out of his charred and bloody shirt and into the t-shirt he had worn at the gym earlier. Phoebe couldn't quite believe that he was still breathing when by all rights he should be dead. She saw the smoldering wound that resulted when Richie was hit in the chest by one of the warlock's lightning bolts. No human could have survived that kind of assault. Yet here he was softly snoring beside her.

Phoebe switched her gaze to Duncan who must have decided that, if he stared down the hall that lead to the examination rooms long enough, the sheer power of his will would make her sisters come out.

What had happened to her handsome friend also defied rational explanation. The electrical storm he survived probably would have vapourized a normal person. Still, another mystery her mind couldn't unravel at the moment. The appearance of a fatigued doctor and two weary witches caused the trio to stand.

"Is everything alright?" Phoebe asked worriedly.

"They're a bit banged up, and the cut required a few stitches," the doctor explained, "but both women can go home."

Thank God for a witch's constitution, Phoebe thought remembering what Leo once said about their bodies being adapted in order to handle their powers. As a result, the Halliwells were rather resilient.

The bedraggled group thanked the doctor and exited the clinic. They gathered next to their vehicles.

"Think your car will be safe at P3, Prue?" Duncan asked.

"Yeah," she answered with a small yawn.

"Phoebe, are you okay to drive?" he asked.

"Uh-huh," she replied as she unlocked the SUV doors.

"Then go home, and get some rest, and we'll deal with everything tomorrow. Richie and I will follow you to make sure you get there safely."

"Duncan, we'll be fine," Phoebe protested.

"Just humour us, okay?" Richie said.

"Okay," she replied not having the strength to argue.

Everyone piled into their respective vehicles and drove to the Halliwell manor like a parade. Once home, the women paused at the foot of the driveway as the men got out of their cars.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Duncan asked the Halliwells.

"I swear, Duncan, if you ask that one more time, I'm going to deck you," Prue threatened.

"Okay, okay," Duncan replied holding his hands up.

"This discussion can wait until tomorrow," Piper said yawning.

"Why don't you two come by around 3:00," Phoebe suggested. "We can have our talk then."

Duncan and Richie looked at their friends then at each other. "Sounds good."

"Thank you for saving my life," Piper said to Richie softly.

"What are friends for?" Richie replied giving her a gentle hug.

"And thank you for saving my life," Phoebe said to Duncan.

"It was my pleasure," Duncan answered giving her a quick hug. "Now get some sleep."

"Good night," the Halliwells called out to their departing friends. The men smiled, waved and drove off.

Phoebe let out an exasperated sigh as she kicked off her blanket. She had been tossed and turned for the past half hour. Her mind kept replaying the night's events, and when she wasn't doing that, she was hypothesizing as to what Richie and Duncan were. Giving up trying to force the rest that kept eluding her, she laid in bed and stared at the ceiling.

Well, if I can't sleep, I might as well check the "Book of Shadows" and see if I can figure out what's going on, Phoebe thought climbing out of bed. She tiptoed down the hall cringing as she stepped on that one squeaky board Leo could never quite fix. She quietly checked on her sisters and was relieved to find them both sleeping soundly. Creeping up the stairs that led to the attic, she took the "Book of Shadows" off its pedestal and made her way back to her room.

After getting settled in her bed, Phoebe began flipping through the large heirloom. Someone ought to make an index or at least a table of contents, she thought frustratedly.

This is interesting, she thought stopping at an illustration that resembled the vortex that the warlock had conjured. Apparently, it led to Limbo, a space between dimensions from which there was no escape. And I sent her there, Phoebe thought with an uneasy feeling. Boy, I hope the book is right, or we're going to have one pissed off warlock on our hands.

She continued flipping through the hefty tome looking for some explanations. Twenty minutes later she fell asleep with the book open beside her.

Chapter 2

"Are you sure you guys shouldn't be resting?" Phoebe asked for the umpteenth time.

"Yes, we're fine," Prue replied exasperatedly.

They started discussing their theories as to what precisely their friends were. As 3:00 came closer, their anxieties began to grow. At one point, they wondered if inviting the men over was a good idea after all. However, Prue and Piper's powers were working despite their recent injuries, and both felt capable of handling any trouble that might arise.

The Charmed Ones were now in the kitchen where Piper had the coffee perking, the kettle boiling for tea, and the cake nicely defrosting on a serving plate. Phoebe was tempted to offer help but knew that food preparation was therapeutic for her sister. Besides, Piper had been known to order people out of her kitchen.

"I think they're probably warlocks," Prue theorized.

"Why?" Piper asked.

"Because of our track record so far," Prue answered. "First, your boyfriend Jeremy when we first got our powers, the Evil Charmed Ones and the guy who trapped us in the painting, and let us not forget Hannah and Rex from Bucklands. Figures I'd have another warlock for a boss."

"But instead of killing us last night and taking our powers, they saved us and escorted us to the clinic," Phoebe countered playing devil's advocate.

"Could be part of some nefarious scheme to gain our trust and then take our powers," Prue argued and saw the skeptical looks on her sisters' faces. "Fine, what do you think they are?"

"I vote for demons of some kind," Piper said.

"Why?" Phoebe asked.

"Well, it seems like we get more demons and than warlocks," she replied. "So far we've had wendigos, the woogyman, the water demon from the lake, the demon of illusion from the horror movie, and Cryto that made the deal with Aunt Gail."

"Yeah, but none of those used weapons," Phoebe rationalized. "They had powers."

"The Libris demon from the college library had a sickle and beheaded people," Piper pointed out triumphantly.

"Okay, but Duncan beheaded the bad guy and carried you back to P3," Phoebe argued, "and Richie saved your life in the first place."

"Maybe they're good demons."

"Good demons?" Prue repeated eyebrow raised.

"Remember the youngest of Evil Charmed Ones? The one who became a priest? Maybe they're the black sheep of their families. You know, doing good instead of evil."

"Yeah right," Phoebe replied dryly.

"Well, what do you think they are?" Piper challenged.

"I looked through the Book of Shadows last night and couldn't find anything that matched with what I saw," Phoebe said, "so I was wondering if maybe Duncan was a witch and Richie was a whitelighter."

Her sisters stared at her flabbergasted.

"Think about what we know about them," she continued warming up to her theory. "Remember Jeremy used a ceremonial knife to kill those witches and take their powers. Duncan killed that guy with a sword and became like a human lightning rod. Maybe he's a witch, and the other guy was a warlock and when Duncan killed him, he absorbed the man's powers or something. Richie's fatal wound healed itself just like Leo. Both Duncan and Richie are protective of us so maybe they were sent to help us."

"But we've disposed of warlocks before, and never absorbed their powers," Prue argued.

"And Richie didn't heal just like Leo," Piper added. "Richie was dead and came back to life. Leo can't heal himself, remember? He can only heal others, and that's just when his bosses let him."

"Okay, maybe, Duncan's a different kind of witch. We haven't met an adult male witch yet. As for Richie, maybe he's a different kind of whitelighter. I mean, there are different kinds of darklighters so why not other forms of whitelighters?"

"Maybe that's why Leo's never around when Richie's here," Prue commented reluctantly acknowledging the logic of her youngest sister's theory. "Could be Richie's Leo's relief when he's off on another assignment."

"If Richie's a whitelighter," Piper replied her eyes narrowing, "Leo's has some major explaining to do."

"Then again, they could be something completely new," Prue said. "Something none of our ancestors have met before."

"Great," Piper said unenthusiastically. "Don't you just love the 'unknown factor.'"

"Yeah," Phoebe said in the same tone. "Wouldn't want life to get dull."

The doorbell rang causing the girls to freeze for a moment. The witches looked at each other then took a deep breath.

"Well, I guess we're about to find out which of us is right," Prue said heading for the door.

Chapter 3

Piper followed her sisters to the door. Prue opened it to reveal Richie and Duncan.

"Hi, guys. Come on in," Prue invited. The men stepped into the foyer.

"So how are you feeling?" Duncan asked with concern.

"A little sore, but overall okay," Piper replied. An awkward silence descended. "The coffee should be ready. Phoebe, can you help me with the food? As for the rest of you, why not go to the living room and get comfortable?"

By the time Piper and Phoebe returned with the refreshments, their friends were sitting on one of the couches with Prue directly opposite from them.

"Duncan," Piper said. "Tea or coffee?"

"Tea, please."

"Richie?"

"Coffee, please."

Piper poured the men's drinks and automatically gave her sisters each a cup of coffee and herself a cup of tea to soothe her nerves. Maybe I should cut the tension with this knife instead of the food, she thought as she sliced into the German Chocolate Cake. She passed out the servings then settled back and waited. The room was quiet except for the gentle scraping of forks on china and the complimentary "mmmmmmmm" sounds. How should we start this, she wondered taking a bite of cake.

"So what are you?" Phoebe blurted bluntly.

Leave it to her kid sister to get to the crux of the matter, Piper mused as she watched the men freeze then exchange an uneasy look.

"Because Prue thinks you could be warlocks," Phoebe continued. "While Piper thinks you're likely demons, but I think you might be witches. Then again you might be something else entirely."

"Pardon me?" Duncan asked finally finding his voice.

"Warlock, demon, witch or other?"

"You've been watching too many horror movies, Phoebe," Richie joked nervously.

"You don't know the half of it," Prue muttered under her breath causing Piper to smile.

"Other, I supposed," Duncan replied cautiously answering Phoebe's question. "And you are?"

"Witches," Prue said succinctly.

"So if you're not warlocks, demons or witches, what are you?" Piper asked.

"Well, Duncan," Richie said. "Since you're older and wiser, why don't you explain?"

"But you need the experience," Duncan argued.

"But I need an example to follow," Richie replied putting a big piece of the gooey cake into his mouth.

Duncan gave him a disgusted look then faced the girls. "We're immortals."

"Like elves?" Piper asked.

"As in Santa?" Richie asked confused.

"As in Dragonlance," Piper explained.

"There are no elves in Dragonheart," Richie said even more confused.

"James Bond!" Phoebe tossed out cheerfully causing the entire room to stare at her in utter bewilderment.

"Free association," she explained. "When Duncan said 'Immortals,' Piper thought of the immortal elves in the fantasy novels she read as a teenager. Elves made Richie think of Santa. When Piper said 'Dragonlance,' the series featuring the elves, Richie said 'Dragonheart', which made me, think of Sean Connery which made me think of James Bond. And I'll stop babbling now."

"No, we're not elves," Duncan said slowly glancing at Piper. "Richie and I are immortal. If we are killed, we come back to life."

"How did you become immortal?" Prue asked.

"We were born pre-immortal and lived normal lives until our first death which triggered our immortality."

"So you will live forever?" Piper asked.

"The only way we can truly die and not come back is if we are beheaded," Duncan answered.

"Wow. Way harsh," Phoebe commented. "Hey, was the guy from last night an immortal too?"

Her quick but logical conclusion caused Duncan to pause for a moment before continuing.

"Yes. What you witnessed last night was 'The Game.'" Duncan explained. "Immortals can sense each other's presence. When an immortal senses another, one of two things will likely happen. He or she will either leave the immediate area as quickly as possible or seek out the other immortal and engage in a duel to the death."

"Some game," Prue said. "So are there rules?"

"The duels are always one-on-one. No interference is allowed once the fight has begun. A fight can take place anywhere except on holy ground. Any kind of holy ground regardless of faith," Duncan replied. "The fight will usually continue until one of the combatants is beheaded. When this happens, his or her quickening is released and absorbed by the nearest immortal. The quickening is an immortal's strength or life force if you will. The more heads an immortal takes, the stronger his or her quickening becomes. Tradition says that immortals will continue to fight until there is only one left who will be awarded 'The Prize.'"

"And what is this prize?" Piper asked.

"No one really knows for sure," Richie confessed.

"Man, and I thought our lives were strange," Phoebe said.

"Speaking of which, we've told you our secret, Now what's yours?" Duncan asked then waited expectantly as the sisters looked at each other.

"Well, as we said earlier, we're witches," Prue said. "Good witches who are destined to battle evil."

"Good witches," Richie repeated in an incredulous tone. "Like Glenda in the 'Wizard of Oz'?"

"We don't have the poofy gown or the tall crown or even the wand, come to think of it," Piper replied, "but, yeah, we're good witches."

"How did you become witches?" Duncan queried neutrally.

"We were born witches," Phoebe explained. " as children, our powers were taken away temporarily. A few months after Grams died, I recited an incantation I had found that restored our powers. Since then, our lives have become a bit of a horror movie with warlocks and demons popping in from time to time."

Piper watched the men's reactions. Duncan looked thoughtful as though he was turning Phoebe's words over in his mind like a Chinese puzzle box. Richie, on the other hand, looked skeptical.

"You don't believe us?" she asked him.

"Well, it does seem rather far-fetched," Richie remarked.

"This coming from someone who came back from the dead last night and could possible live forever," Piper countered pointedly.

"Touche," Richie grimaced.

"You say you have powers," Duncan said. "Could you show them to us?"

"In other words, you want proof," Prue clarified.

"It would add credence to your claims," Duncan replied unapologetically.

The women exchanged a look of debate before nodding slightly. Piper watched as Prue looked at a small figurine on the mantle.

"Prue, no," she interrupted. "That's too cliche."

"You have a better suggestion?" Prue asked peevishly.

"Richie, you like some more coffee?" Piper asked innocently.

"Sure," she replied.

"Don't move," she said. "Prue, would you mind?"

Prue gave a half-smile and raised her hands. The men watched in amazement as Richie's cup and saucer rose lightly up from his hands and floated toward the women. The coffee pot was next to become airborne as it levitated toward the china. It tilted slightly and the dark, rich coffee slowly poured out of the spout and into the cup.

"Unreal," Richie said in awe.

"On the contrary, it's very real," Piper replied. "Is that enough coffee, Richie?"

"Yeah."

This time Piper raised her hands and the coffee, coffee pot, cup and saucer froze in mid-air. The men's eyes went wide at the scene before them. Richie slowly got up and waved his hand above and below the suspended china as though looking for strings. Piper saw Duncan look at her with an unasked question in his eyes.

"Prue's power is telekinesis. Mine is the ability to freeze time," she explained. She unfroze the scene, and the coffee pot turned upright and lowered itself back to the tray on the table. The cup and saucer floated back to Richie landing gently into his hands.

"Did you freeze us last night?" Duncan asked.

"Reflex," Piper apologized.

"At least, it's an explanation. What's your power, Phoebe?"

"I'm clairvoyant."

"I get visions of events usually from the future but sometimes from the past. Most of the visions deal with people we need to help or bad things that need to be prevented."

"Like the mugging last month?" Richie asked piecing things together.

"Uh-huh."

"So who was that woman from last night?"

"Probably a warlock," Phoebe explained "I've been having visions of our mother. Then, Prue and Piper started seeing her as well. The last vision I had dealt with Mom being dragged a warehouse near P3 by the man who later attacked me. It turned out to be a trap that woman so she could kill us and steal our powers. She performed a protection spell, which caused Prue and Piper's powers to rebound back at them when they attacked her. I did my own protection spell which caused her lightning power to deflect off of me and onto her and then I kicked her into her own trap."

The men sat a moment digesting what Phoebe had just said. "Is there anything else we should know?" Duncan asked.

Piper and Phoebe looked at Prue.

"It's up to you how show that one," Piper said.

"Okay. Phoebe, Duncan, could you go to the kitchen and wait?" Prue asked.

The twosome got up and walked to the kitchen leaving Richie alone with Prue and Piper.

"As it stands, Piper and Phoebe each have a single power whereas I have two," Prue explained.

She closed her eyes and suddenly her chin fell to her chest.

Duncan and Phoebe sat at the kitchen table.

"Now what?" Duncan asked.

"Just watch," Phoebe answered mysteriously.

Suddenly Prue appeared, quite literally, out of nowhere causing Duncan to stand abruptly.

"Hi, guys," she said simply.

"How?" Duncan asked finally finding his voice.

"Astral projection," she replied. "A handy little power I picked up last year. I can split myself in two. One of me is catonic, for lack of a better word, while the other me can move around as per normal. Why don't you return to the living room and send Richie in here?"

Duncan went to the living room; his gaze focused on Prue's still form sitting on the couch. "Richie, Prue and Phoebe want to see you in the kitchen," he said in an odd tone.

"But Prue's right here," Richie insisted.

"But I'm also here," a voice that sounded suspiciously like Prue's called out from the kitchen.

"Is she a ventriloquist too?" Richie asked Piper.

"Just go," Piper smiled.

He headed to the kitchen and saw Phoebe and Prue waving at him from the doorway. he froze in place then turned to the living room to see Duncan sitting beside Prue's motionless body. He looked back to the kitchen. Prue smiled shrugging her shoulders.

"Unbelievable," he said softly as he reached the doorway.

"Believe it," Phoebe chirped.

Richie slowly raised his hand to touch Prue.

"Boo!" she quipped startling Richie.

"Not funny," he said. They saw Duncan and Piper watching them from the living room.

"I think that's enough of a demonstration," Prue said as everyone turned to her to see the Prue in the kitchen disappear and the Prue in the living room raise her head. Phoebe and Richie joined the other. There was a moment of silence.

"So now what?" Phoebe asked.

"I think all of our secrets are safe," Duncan said. "One secret can't be revealed without risking the other secrets being revealed as well."

"So, friends?" she asked. Everyone looked at one another.

"Friends," Richie confirmed.