DISCLAIMER: As usual, none of these characters who appeared on the series are mine. This story is written for the enjoyment of the Internet reader. Print it out if you like, but please reproduce it or post it on your site without notifying me first.
Sitting in the living room was Phoebe and Piper picking through the old Book of Shadows.
"Phoebe, I would think you would have gone and MEMORIZED everything in there by now." explained Piper.
"I always seem to find something new. Things keep appearing and disappearing in it, Pipe. It is a book of MAGIC. Besides, I'm looking for something to help the Charmed Ones to foresee trouble better. My old premonitions just aren't often enough and accurate enough to see everything coming. After what that freaky genie told us, there will be tougher and tougher demons coming after us." said Pheebs.
"We could use all the help we could get. I agree 100%" said Prue coming in the door and putting her camera bags down.
"How you latest photo shoot go? See any real movie stars?" asked Phoebe. "That would be exciting!"
"No just the same old Frisco locals. News people, pseudo-wealthy upper mobility people and the local '15-minutes of fame' celebrity types. It was a pretty dull affair." said Prue.
"Well, at least Piper has the night off and we three sisters can spend it together!" said Phoebe hugging her sisters.
"So what mystical thing are you up to, Pheebs?" Asked Prue as she sat next to Piper.
"What we need is a view of the bigger picture. The real world of Wicca. Instead of stumbling in and out of trouble I want us to really see what's coming before it happens." explained Pheebs.
"Sounds logical. What have you got, little sister?" asked Piper.
"I really just wrote my own spell." said Pheebs. "Shall we try it?"
"Anything so that we're more sure of ourselves. This constant 'fear around the corner' thingy is something I can do without." said Piper.
"Prue?" asked Phoebe.
"I'm definitely for a better vision of what's coming up. Go for it!" said Prue.
Pheebs brightened up and said "Great. Follow my lead."
Problems that come and problems that go,"
Prue: "Prepare us for them and let us know,"
Piper: "What the real world will bring,"
Phoebe: "Grand us wisdom, to know everything."Poof. Poof. Poof. The sisters disappeared from the living room and reappeared out in front of the house. They were surrounded by cameras and dozens of people.
"What was that?" yelled Prue.
"Cut! Shannen, that's not your line!" yelled someone from behind the camera. "You say, maybe there's more to this demon than meets the eye!"
"Hey, Shan. You're right here in the script." said a very tanned young blonde who came up and handed Prue a colorful bound document.
Whoosh. Everyone on Prescott Street froze except for the Charmed Ones.
"All right. What have you done to us?" said Piper.
"CHARMED: Third Season Opener. The Old Curiosity Shop. This is a script about us!" Prue read off the front of the document.
"Oh, let me see that!" laughed Phoebe.
"Prue: Maybe there's more to this demon than meets the eye!
Phoebe: That's for certain.
Piper: Whoa, um. I mean that's unreal!"
"I do not talk like that!" said Piper exasperated.
"Interior Halliwell attic. Interior Halliwell living room. Phoebe reading the Book of Shadows. Prue sends demon in to the wall." read Phoebe flipping through the script. "This script knows everything about us!"
"Phoebe, you didn't give us a real world perceptive. You changed us into unreal characters in a movie or something." said Prue.
"No way! Let's go check to old Book of Shadows." Said Phoebe as the crew returned to animation.
"Shannen. Where do you think you're going? Asked who they assumed was the director.
"Just a minute," said Piper as the three sisters headed for the Manor.
Prue opened the door and walked in.
"This is NOT our house! The walls aren't even in the right place!" screamed Piper.
"Then this house is just for location shots for something called CHARMED. We need more time think." said Prue.
"There are dozens of union crew members out there expecting us to act like these witches. We aren't going to get time to ourselves before then." said Phoebe.
"So what are you suggesting?" asked Piper.
"Leave it to me. Hand me that script." said Phoebe. "Let's see."
Written word in my hand,
Leave these pages and land,
Within the head of those Charmed,
So we will no see no harm."Zing went the words from the pages and each of the sisters felt a buzzing in their heads.
"Wow! I can recite the whole ridiculous play word for word." said Piper.
"Maybe we can at least get through today." said Prue.
"I think its neat. Phoebe says this and Phoebe says that. No future problems, no demon worries and we solve the whole episode in forty-two minutes! TV is great!" said Phoebe.
"Shannen, Holly, Alyssa. Have you finished? Are you gals on strike? We don't want to loose the sun!" cried the director again.
"Right, come on ladies!" said Prue. They went back to the street where they were earlier.
"Pick it up where we left off, Shannen." Said the director.
"OK, SHAN-NAN." giggled Phoebe.
"Prue: Maybe there's more to this demon than meets the eye!
Phoebe: That's for certain.
Piper: Whoa, um. I mean that's unreal!"
"Cut and print it. Now head for the car, ladies." called out the director.
"I guess he meant my truck over there," said Piper.
"Action!" called out the director.
The sisters ran for the truck and got in.
"Where are the keys?" asked Piper. "Here over the visor. How clique!" she said very peeved. Piper started the truck up and drove off. "I've had enough! We're gong to find out what the problem is!" said Piper driving down the street with the crew running after her.
"Half a block away, Phoebe cried out, "Palm trees. This MUST be LA."
"TV capital of the world! Here's some passes for the Warner's Brothers Studio lot. Maybe we should look there." replied Prue.
"Driving back to Frisco won't help. I sincerely doubt we live there." said Phoebe. "But here's the directions to Warner's Brothers. Make a right and head for the freeway, Piper."
"ON MY WAY!" said a very determined middle sister.
"Ah, Miss Combs? Where's your limo?" asked the guard at the gate.
"If I HAD a limo, why would I be driving this? Huh?" asked Piper.
"I see your point. Badges?" he asked.
"No problem," said Phoebe as they held up the badges smiling.
"What stage are we on?" asked Piper.
"Stage ten as usual." said the guard as he motioned her on.
"Thank you." said Piper as she put the car in gear.
"Thank God, that was easy. Let's she what stage ten brings us." said Prue.
On stage ten they found the entire interior of their house laid out. There were no ceilings, except for the low part of the attic and all four floors were on the same level.
"This is incredibly eerie. Everything is in place down to the last picture." said Prue.
"Not much in the drawers." said Phoebe snooping.
"Of course not. The set is only for show. They would only fill what was going to be that day. The attic is over there." said Prue.
"That's the first time I ever got to the attic without climbing a step. There's the Book." said a relieved Piper.
"But it's not our book. Look they can take pages out of it. And most of the spells I know are not in it. Forget this course of action." said Pheebs as she slammed the book.
"Just try and reproduce your incantation. Let's go to the living room for the fullest effect." said Prue.
"This is so weird. Our whole life has been categorized, written down, put on sets and broadcast to the entire world. I wonder if they have witches here, too?" asked Phoebe.
"If there are witches, they are probably as hard to find as in our place." said Prue.
"BOY, YOU ARE WITCHES!" came a voice from the darkness.
Scared, Phoebe said, "How do you know?"
"When you leave a million dollar episode hanging with forty-five people just standing around." he said. "Why'd you do it Holly?"
"That's you, I think!" whispered Phoebe to Piper.
"Well, we just.. ah.. needed a break. Too much work.. ah.. you know. We'll come back now if you want us too." Piper said.
"Too late now. Don't expect Constance not to forget this either. It may come out of your salary, but not out of my commission. Not from Al Higgins' pocket." said Al.
"He must be your agent!" said Prue.
"I have an agent?" Piper asked herself.
"Yes, you do Holly. Now since you left they closed the set for the day. Your limo is waiting out front. Alyssa, Shannen. YOU CAN CALL YOUR OWN! Good-night." Al said stamping out the door.
"I have a limo? I HAVE a limo!" said Piper bouncing off the stage.
"Let's stick together!" said Prue.
"I'm with you. I want to ride in the limo, too." cried out Phoebe.
"We're home, Miss Combs." the driver told the Charmed Ones.
"Thank you. DO you get a tip?" asked Piper.
"No, Miss Combs. The studio picks it up. See you tomorrow." said the driver.
"Ya, whatever!" said Piper waving him on.
"Look at this place. This is definitely the home of a movie star!" gushed Phoebe.
"Actually, only a TV actor, but considering their pay, it is a nice place." said Prue.
"Of course it's nice. It's mine." said Piper.
"Don't let it go to your you-know-what. We still have to get home!" said Phoebe.
Inside the immaculate residence, Piper made herself at home.
"I found the kitchen! It's glorious. I know the most marvelous recipe" gushed Piper. "Where's Phoebe?"
"In the whirl pool. I want her to work on the spell and she's says she trying to relax." said Prue.
Prue made herself at home in the living room while Piper was extremely happy with her favorite pastime, cooking for those she loved.
Phoebe came in wrapped in towels with an HMC monogram.
"HMC?" asked Piper licking her spoon.
"Holly Marie Combs. Just the right name for a movie star." said Phoebe.
"TV star." Prue reminded Phoebe.
"TV, movie, Internet, whatever. This is Hollywood and if we have to stay, I could get used to it." said Phoebe.
"Any more thoughts on your spell?" asked Piper.
"Ah, well. I still have to figure out how it got us here. We won't know the route home till then. I'm looking for an encyclopedia and the spell sends me to the wrong LIBRARY!" said an exasperated Phoebe.
"Knock-knock-knock!" came a sound from the front door.
"Piper. It's your house, HOLLY." said Prue.
"OK. Let's see who's there that knows me and with whom I haven't a clue." said Piper wiping her hands.
"Holly, we need to talk about your little escape from the set." said Connie Burge. "It was very unprofessional and I've never known you to pull such a stunt."
"Please, come in, uh." said Piper.
"Hi guys. Look who it is!" yelled out Piper giving her sisters a "Who's that?" expression.
"Hello, Ally. Hi Shan. Girls night off?" asked Connie.
"Yea, we're just shooting the breeze. Thinking up a spell." said Phoebe.
Piper elbows her.
"Just thinking for a spell, I mean." Phoebe corrected herself.
"Now I need to know if there are issues here we need to work out. We have a very successful show and we don't want it to self-destruct. Are there any money issues we didn't cover in our last contract negotiations?" asked Connie.
"Ahhh. No, I don't think so." said Piper. "Guys?"
"No," said Phoebe and Prue.
"Are you being treated well by the crew, the studio?" she asked.
"From what I've seen so far. I like the star treatment." chimed in Phoebe.
"OK, any personal problems that are affecting your work?" asked Connie.
"I can truthfully say we feel a little lost right now. But we hope to correct it very soon. Right, AL-LY." said Piper looking directly at Phoebe.
"Sure, Pi.. Holly." she said wincing.
"You sound a little funny, Ally. How about the stories lines. Demon, warlocks, sister bonding, boyfriend stories. Are the scripts up to your approval?" asked Connie.
"Things have been working out find with our demon busting. No arguments there." said Prue.
"There must be something! How about the progress of your characters? Is there ANYTHING we can change there?" asked Connie now getting desperate.
"What about our characters?" inquired Phoebe very intrigued.
"Well, Shannen. First we had the hard working Prue, the dominating Prue. Then the recovering Prue and now the sensitive, fun-loving Prue. Happy with that progression?" Asked Connie.
"Of course!" Said Prue thinking what really wrong WITH HER LIFE.
"Ally, you're character Phoebe has gone from irresponsible..." said Connie.
"Hey!" cried Phoebe.
Piper elbows her again.
"Uh? To a fledgling witch and college student." said Connie.
"Well, she could use a man. Phoebe is very frustrated. Piper has Leo and I'm. that is.. Phoebe could use a regular guy. As could Shan-nen. Prue needs someone, too. And Phoebe needs to pick a major and finish.. um.. by the end of next season. She wants to get on with her life. She sees all these younger kids at school and she wants to graduate, find a job and settle down. That's what PHOEBE wants." explained Phoebe.
"Boy, that's a tall order. It'll take a couple of seasons to accomplish all of that." said Connie.
"And no more of these kill-the-witches and bring-them-back stories. It's just too draining on the.. uuummm... char-acters." complained Piper.
"We could do with less demons and more fun times." said Phoebe.
"Anything, from you Shannen? This is quite a laundry list." said Connie.
"No. My life. I mean. My character is just fine, thank you." said Prue.
"When do you ever get a chance to change your life, so easily? Right, Piper.. um.. Holly." said Phoebe.
"Are you three putting me on? It can't be overwork. We just started the season. Can't you leave your characters on the set?" asked Connie.
"Uh, sure! Ummm. We just got a little too wrapped up in them today. But our comments still stand. And what can I say, but thank you for listening to us." said Piper.
"OK. I'll take your suggestions back to the writers. We can probably work some of them in this season. We want you gals to be happy. You're doing a great job and I sincerely feel like Prue, Piper and Phoebe are real." said Connie.
With this comment, the sisters burst out laughing.
"Thanks, again for listening. We will be back tomorrow." said Piper helping her toward the door.
"Hey, that's what your producer is for." Said Connie. "Good night, ladies."
At the front door, another car pulled in as Connie left.
"Miss Milano, Miss Milano, Where have you been? You're due at the fashion show in 45 minutes!" said a exasperated man running into Holly Combs house.
"Phoebe, this one's for you!" cried out Piper.
"Ah, yessss?" asked Phoebe sounding a bit snobbish.
"Miss Milano. I'm Carl. The San Bernardino Lost Animal Society Fashion Show that you are MC'ing is in 45 minutes. I did not realize you weren't at home. We do need to as soon as you're ready." said Carl.
"I think I need to change. HOL-LY? Can I check out your closet? I can't wear those old rags?" asked Phoebe.
"That's what you do best! Go try out Holly's closet!" said Piper looking at Prue with a "Is she nuts?" expression.
Twenty minutes later Phoebe showed up with her hair up wearing a low cut sequined dress that probably should have been worn to the Academy Awards.
"Isn't that outfit awful fancy?" asked Prue who knew something about this is type of event.
"MY PUBLIC EXPECTS IT!" said Pheebs. "Ta, Prue.. er HOL-LY and SHAN-NEN!" Said Pheebs waving to them.
"Hey, don't forget about our little exiting problem! I want to get home, you know." said Piper.
"You are home. Piper. Sort of!" said Prue leafing through some magazines. "You know this place is very much like our own world. Just some of the television shows, movies and culture type icons are different. I never knew that Warner Brothers even had a network. We're on Thursday nights at nine. Too bad it's Monday. I hope we're out of here by then." said Prue.
"I REALLY hope little Miss Starlet has it figured out by the time she gets home." said Piper exasperated.
Phoebe was driven in a LARGE limo to the San Bernardino Convention Center. The sign out front announced Alyssa Milano Presenting the Lost Animal Society Fashion Show.
"No wonder they needed me! It looks like I'm the show and the main attraction. I thought I just had to walk down the runway. Jeez!" thought Phoebe.
The car pulled up to a red carpet lined with ropes and holding back scores of fans. Another assistant came up to the car.
"Miss Milano. Since we're late, we dispensed with the pre-show and we'll go directly into the fashion show. All of your copy will be on the Teleprompter. Everything should be the same as when you did last year. I'll escort you to the stage." he said.
"Last time. What did we do last time?' said a very confused Phoebe. Her arm was taken as she stepped out of the car. Flashbulbs went off left and right. Phoebe waved a bit, but she had a very worried look on her face.
"Alyssa, Alyssa!" the crowd was calling out to her.
"I love you!" cried one young man.
"Hey, Phoebe over here." cried another.
"Phoebe?" asked Phoebe. "They don't even know the right name?"
"Often fans identify more with the character than the actor. Miss Milano." said her escort.
"Well, I sure can identify with it." said Phoebe.
She was lead through the lobby to the stage door. Three people came up to help her to adjust her hair and dress and give her last minute instructions which Phoebe was too star struck to hear.
"My aren't we dressy, this evening. The idea is not to out shine the fashion models. Oh well, it will have to do." said the hairdresser.
Behind the curtain, Phoebe was breathing heavy enough to almost hyperventilate.
The announcer spoke to the audience, "Ladies and gentlemen, that charming young witch, Miss Alyssa Milano!"
Phoebe froze.
"Miss Milano. Miss Milano. That's your cue." said the stage manager.
"It's NOT my CUE!" said Pheebs as she was pushed through the curtain.
Phoebe looked behind and then walked across the stage forcing a smile and waving as the audience applauded wildly. She stepped up to the podium. She could easily see the Teleprompter in front of her. She tried to speak and nothing came out. A man underneath and in front of her started pointing at his watch. Phoebe spoke.
"Hi!" she said. She giggled.
The audience laughed with her.
"Please forgive me. I'm newer at this than you know. Even though I've been around it awhile you never really get used to all the attention. So if it seems like it's my first time please bear with me. Welcome to the 2000 San Bernardino Fashion Show for the benefit of the Lost Animal Society. I'm AL-LYSS-SA MI-LAN-O. Thank you all for coming. The Lost Animal Society handles over 1300 lost and abandoned animals every year. Throughout its four facilities..." continued Phoebe.
She read and read. The longer she was up there the easier it got. And with the audience wanting to see her and seeming to love her whether she goofed or not, it made the evening go much smoother. And she was helping out all those poor stray animals.
Afterwards, all of the participates of the fashion show got thunderous applause. But when Phoebe came out when her counterpart's name was announced everyone rose to his or her feet giving her a standing ovation. Phoebe just stood there beaming. Afterwards when she was backstage, she finally had a sigh of relief.
"Boy, that wasn't so bad. I'm so glad it's over." said Pheebs. "Where my driver?"
"Miss Milano. We still have the autograph session. Those people in line paid a hundred dollars a piece to meet you. It's all for the Society." said one of the show's escorts.
"Ah, meet the public. Whoa. OK, let's go do it. All in the day's work for a star. I guess." said Pheebs as her arm was taken and four men surround her. They went into large meeting room at the Convention Center. The air was charged with anticipation. As she walked in, everyone applauded. Phoebe smiled and sat down. The table was covered with various photographs and other memorabilia. Though the picture had her face, she was made up completely different. A show assistant sat o either side of her to help her out. They handed her the pictures. Alyssa's first fan approached her.
"Alyssa. I am about to die. We kind of like grew up together. I loved everything you ever did. Jeez. This is sooo great." said a blonde women about Pheebs age.
"Thank you." said Pheebs.
A picture was shoved in front her.
"My name is Darleen. That's with two E's" Darleen said.
"Here you are. Thanks for watching." Pheebs smiled.
"TO DARLEEN. FROM PHOEBE HALLIWELL. Oh my God. I'm going to die. She signed it Phoebe. AHHHH!" Darleen shrieked as the next fan approached Phoebe.
"Oh Phoebe. It's so good to meet you." said Jessi.
"Well, it' so nice to meet you to. What's your name?" asked Phoebe.
"Jessi! With an I." she said quietly.
This time Phoebe wrote carefully, "To Jessi, from Alyssa."
"There you go. Thanks for watching!" said Pheebs.
The next fan said, "You were so great in Poison Ivy II. You were the first person I really had a crush on. Uh, my name is Andrew," said Andy.
"Well, that's sweet. Thanks for watching." said Pheebs.
Pheebs thought, "I don't remember her playing the villain in Batman and Robin."
"Wow. This is really groovy. You are much prettier in person." said a young fan.
"Thank you." Pheebs said.
"And you're shorter, too." he added.
"Ah, OK. What your name?" asked Pheebs.
"Michael Metcalfe." he replied.
"To Michael. From Alyssa." she wrote.
She had the name down fine now, but she wondered whether Alyssa and her had the same handwriting.
"Could you sign it to Melanie from Jennifer Campbell?" a Melanie asked.
"A friend of yours?" asked Phoebe.
"No, you know Melrose Place!" she replied.
"Isn't that in the Mission District?" asked Pheebs as they both laughed. "And thanks for watching!"
"Hi, I'm Amy. I love you on Charmed. I have my own website. Could you sign it "To all my fans at Alyssa's Greatest Site? Please?" asked Amy.
"Sure. I love to surf the web too. I'll look for it." said Phoebe.
"Hello there. Could you make one out for Mark. I never miss Charmed. Your demon fighting is so cool." said Mark.
"Well, thanks. My sisters are the only ones who ever thank me. I appreciate that." said Pheebs.
"Your sisters?" he asked confused.
"Well, Shannen and Holly are like sisters, you know. Thanks for watching!" said Pheebs.
"I'm thinking of becoming an actor," said young Yana. "How do you prepare yourself for your role of Phoebe?"
"Oh, it just comes naturally. TO YANA, FROM ALYSSA A.K.A. PHOEBE. There you go. Thanks for watching." called out Phoebe.
"I really love Holly. What's she like?" asked Jackie.
"Very quiet unless she's pissed. Here you go. Thanks for watching." said Pheebs.
"Oh, Tony Danza's so hot. I love you in the reruns of 'Who's the Boss.' said Andrea a high school junior.
"What?" asked Pheebs.
"Who's the Boss! Who the Boss!" she repeated.
"Why PRUE, of course! Here you go. Thank's for watching!" said Phoebe as the crowd laugh at her, or with her.
"You are sooo pretty. Could you make it out to, Doug? I really love you on Charmed. It's the greatest thrill to meet you." said Doug.
"I'm glad I met you too. Here you go. And thanks for watching!" said Pheebs.
And on and on it went. Phoebe got many complements for movies and shows she had never heard of before. Most people were very nice, though some were a little too inquisitive about Alyssa's personal life. The amazing thing Phoebe thought was that so many of them reacted the same way she did around the rich and famous. She found this constant line of people become more and more unreal. After ninety minutes, the session was over and she found herself being whisked back to Holly Combs' house and to her waiting sisters.
Phoebe dragged herself into their borrowed home.
"I am beat. I never new being famous was so tiring. You have to be "on" twenty-four hours a day!" said Pheebs as she dropped on the dead tired on the couch.
"And how was the limelight, Miss Milano?" asked Prue smiling.
"Oh the fans, the flashbulbs, the applause. It seemed like everything I thought it was, but it's really not for me. I just want to be plain old Phoebe. The little witch." explained Phoebe.
"You know. There's something of a distinction in that. Even if few people really know. Those stars do have a certain magic about them. The do casts spells over some people. YOU know that YOU really can!" Piper reminded Pheebs.
"Yea. I am lucky. Demon Busters starring Phoebe Halliwell. That has it's own nice ring to it." said Phoebe. "So what have you two been up to?"
"Oh, we went horseback riding. Holly has the most darling horses!" said Piper.
"What do you know about horses?" asked Phoebe cutely.
"I did know which end to face when I got on the horse." said Piper.
"And I did ride a bit when I was at summer camp." said Prue.
"When? Twenty years ago?" asked Phoebe.
"SO we went out and pretended to be cowgirls for one evening. At least we weren't pretending to be Madonna!" Piper told Phoebe.
"Yea, well. I've had my own fifteen minutes of fame. When I was autographing all those pictures using someone else's name, the whole thing just became more and more unreal. This whole place, the house, the cars, the fans, are just so unreal. We're just not ourselves here. We can't be since everyone thinks were someone else. And the most important thing is to be ourselves. That is what we were born to be and that is what we should be." explained Phoebe.
"Well said Pheebs." said Prue.
"You wanted to know more by casting and the spell. And you did get a look at the bigger picture. But it was a look from within yourself, a better look at yourself! That's great. Ummmm. OK. Changing subjects, how about getting us home?" asked Piper.
"That's just it. We got here looking for a more real world that isn't real to us. Our world is back there with all the wonders and dangers of the Charmed Ones. It couldn't be more real to US. SO we just cast the spell again to return to our own REAL WORLD! IS that logical?" asked Pheebs.
"So logical it's scary coming from you Pheebs. I'm surprised I didn't think of it. But then you're our resident spell caster. Ready to go home Dorothy?" Asked Prue.
"I think I left my ruby red slippers back at the Manor. So the spell will have to do." said Piper with a cute expression.
"Hey, let me change first!" Cried Phoebe. "I'll never have any place to wear this dress!"
Several minutes later Phoebe had changed looking like just plain Phoebe.
"Ready?" asked Pheebs.
"Ready!" replied Piper.
"Definitely ready." said Prue.
"By the way? What ever happened to Shannen, Holly and Alyssa?" asked Piper.
"I don't know? Nothing I hope. Ready for take-off! Good-bye glitz and glamour! It was a nice place to visit!" said Pheebs to the ceiling.
Phoebe: "Problems that come and problems that go,"
Prue: "Prepare us for them and let us know,"
Piper: "What the real world will bring,"
Phoebe: "Grand us wisdom, to know everything."Poof. Poof. Poof. And the Charmed Ones headed home.
