What’s Opera, Doc?
Part Three B
By Miesque
miesque48@hotmail.com

RATING: PG
SPOILERS: Not a lot, but with some references to things that happened in S6.
STORY SYNOPSIS: Kerry makes a decision about her future and fights with Luka over a patient

DISCLAIMER 1: The characters of Luka Kovac and Kerry Weaver are the sole property of NBC, Warner Brothers, Amblin, and Constant C.
DISCLAIMER 2: The medical scenario in this story was researched by myself and by friends of mine. If anything turned out wrong or ridiculous, it’s MY FAULT!!!

SONG: 'It's Alright' by The Lucy Nation

PRAISE TO: Three extraordinary friends who provide continued and loyal support, inspiration, and encouragement (besides top-notch editing!).



Luka had no idea who she meant. “Gabe who?”

“Gabe Lawrence!”

Doris cut in as they wheeled gurney toward trauma two. “He was exposed for at least forty-five minutes. His son’s following us in. He apparently drove off without telling his son and while Mr. Lawrence was out looking for him, he came home and...” She noticed Kerry’s horrified expression. “His son wasn’t sure if it was a suicide attempt...it may have been accidental...” She didn’t look convinced though. “He was found outside the car, with the garage doors closed.”

“We’ve got to intubate,” Kerry said tonelessly, rushing to Gabe’s side. “On my count...” Luka helped Kerry lift Gabe onto the table.

“Kerry, look at him. He’s bright red. There’s no chance...”

It was as if she didn’t hear him. With steady hands, she moved to intubate Gabe. Luka watched her, concerned, then glanced at Haleh and Lilly. “Get me an HbCO direct measurement, cardiac labs, chest x-ray, CBC, toxology and urinalysis,” he said quickly.

“HbCO’s at seventy-five percent,” Haleh said, glancing across at Kerry, who was still struggling to intubate Gabe.

Kerry looked up. “We need to set up hyperbaric oxygen therapy.”

“Kerry, he doesn’t have a chance. He was exposed too long.” Luka said, keeping his voice quiet. She looked up at him.

“We have to keep him alive,” she said, her voice shaking.

“Kerry, he’s in a coma, very likely will be brain dead...there’s nothing we can do.”

Kerry finally intubated Gabe. “I’m in!”

Luka stood back, shaking his head, and looked at the nurses, brow furrowed in confusion. Haleh and Lilly said nothing.

“Kerry, you can’t do this.”

Kerry ignored him.

He put his head down, then looked at her. “Kerry, I don’t think you should be involved with this patient. It’s obvious that it’s much too...personal for you.”

“Yes, I know this man. And I know he wouldn’t try to kill himself. We have to do everything in our power to save him.”

“You shouldn’t do this, Kerry. Even if we get the CO level down to at least ten percent, he’s going to have severe neurological impairment...perhaps even permanent damage...” He paused. “Does he have a DNR order?”

“I don’t know. I don’t care. I want to give him every chance.”

“Kerry, his chances of surviving are next to none.”

“He obviously wasn’t in his right mind!”

“You don’t know, Kerry. No one knows.”

“I *know* he wouldn’t try to kill himself! It was an accident.”

“Kerry, what if he has a DNR order? Are you willing to take that risk?”

“I’ve seen you take risks when you believed you were right, Dr. Kovac. If you don’t want to help, then step back and let me save this man’s life.”

Luka’s voice rose slightly. “Kerry, get out of here. You’re obviously too upset to deal with this patient.”

“And you weren’t too upset to step away from dealing with Gloria Milton?!” she snapped. “I’m staying!”

“That has nothing to do with this situation,” Luka answered her sharply, his eyes narrowing. “Right now, you’re the one who is being irrational. You know that this man has virtually no chance of survival, yet you’re willing to put him on life-support...to extend his life with drugs and machines. He’ll be alive but he won’t know it, Kerry. You should just let him go.”

The x-rays were back. Kerry stood by Gabe’s bed, staring down at her friend, as Luka examined the films. “Ground glass appearance, perihilar haze, peribronchial cuffing, intra-alveolar edema.” He moved back to Gabe. “He’s in a coma, Kerry. Schemic electrocardiogram...” He glanced at the heart monitor. “No response to painful stimuli...Kerry it’s hopeless.”

Haleh and Lilly looked at each other, eyes wide, waiting for further orders.

“Continue oxygen,” Kerry said, unable to turn and look at Luka. She was shaking, and Luka almost reached out to touch her shoulder, to comfort her.

Just then, the heart monitor flatlined. “He’s crashing!” Kerry gasped. “Chest paddles, charge to three hundred!” In a soft voice, before shouting, “Clear!”, she whispered, “This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening, I won’t let this happen...”

There was no heartbeat on the monitor. “Again! Clear!”

“Kerry, he’s not going to come back,” Luka said gently.

She tried a third time, ignoring Luka. But there was no change.

Kerry stepped back, staring blankly at her friend, suddenly unable to move or think.

“Time of death...eighteen twenty-five,” Luka said quietly.

Kerry dropped the paddles to the ground, turned, and crutched away toward the lounge. Luka was left standing in the middle of the exam room, stunned. Lilly came in quietly. “Dr. Kovac?”

“Yes?” he said, still confused and worried about Kerry.

“There’s a Ben Lawrence here. He’s Dr. Lawrence’s son.”

“Yes. I’ll be right out... Could you get a death kit, please?” Lilly nodded and went back into the trauma room. He pulled off his latex gloves and strode out into the hall. A tall, spare man in his mid forties was standing near the admit desk, looking vaguely sick to his stomach.



“I’m sorry, Mr. Lawrence, we did everything...we could, but your father was exposed to the CO for a long period of time and...despite all our best efforts...he died...” Kerry said softly.

Ben Lawrence seemed to accept this news very calmly. He nodded, looking from Kerry to Luka. Kerry flinched to see how much Ben looked like Gabe.

“Mr. Lawrence, did your father have a DNR order?” Luka asked.

“Yes. He did.”

Kerry looked away, but Luka said nothing. “I’m very sorry, Mr. Lawrence. We didn’t know he had a DNR order, so we intubated him. But his heart failed...”

“I understand,” Ben nodded slowly. “You did what you had to do.” For a moment, he stood, staring at the floor. “This hasn’t even sunk in yet, Dr. Kovac. Dr. Weaver, Dad thought a great deal of you. Toward the end, he couldn’t remember anything, but sometimes, he would sit up and say something about ‘that Kerry Weaver...she’ll go far...’”

Tears came to Kerry’s eyes, and she whispered, “I’m so sorry, Ben...”

Ben shook his head. “You did your best, Dr. Weaver. How could I argue against that?” He nodded to them both, then turned and walked away.

Kerry watched Ben walk away, then turned and rushed into the lounge. Luka followed her, and stood, watching, as she pulled her locker open and grabbed her coat.

“You’re going home early?” he asked, and immediately regretted such a stupid, unthinking question.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m tired!” she snapped. “And I can’t believe you would stand there and and argue with me. How dare you order me out of the room like that!”

“You were overly emotional. You weren’t thinking rationally. You knew he had no chance at all, Kerry, but you wouldn’t listen. What’s wrong with you?”

“I’m going home,” she snapped, shoving her way past him.

“No...not ‘til you tell me what’s wrong.”

“I did what I thought was best!” she shouted. “And I will always do what I think is best.”

“That’s all well and good, Kerry, but the patient’s son confirmed he had a DNR order. We only had the right to administer oxygen, but not to attempt to revive him.”

“I didn’t know that at the time,” she said, stubbornly holding her ground, fighting to maintain some self-control. “Doctors are supposed to preserve life, aren’t they?”

“Against the patient’s wishes?”

“He had Alzheimer’s. We don’t know that he was in his right mind when he signed that order,” Kerry snapped.

“He had to have been mentally competent then, or his son would never have allowed him to sign such an order.”

Kerry angrily wiped her eyes. “So why didn’t his son say anything about it to the EMTs?” she asked.

“Would you be in any condition to talk about DNR orders in a situation like that, Kerry?” he asked, folding his arms across his chest and studying her.

“If it was a suicide attempt, then I would go along with a DNR,” she said, bristling again. “But if it was an accident...there are policies...”

“We’ll never know,” he said firmly. “And no policy book is going to be right about every human life that comes through those doors.”

“I have to go. I can’t stay here any more...” She pulled her coat on, practically shoved Luka aside, and crutched out. She passed Mark as she went through the doors, and he watched her go.

Mark signed in and saw Luka come out of the lounge, looking shaken.

“Hey, what’s going on?”

“Mark, do you remember Gabe Lawrence?” Luka asked quickly.

“Yeah. He was an attending here for a while...in fact, he left the day Kerry hired you. Why?”

“He was just in the ER...carbon monoxide poisoning.”

“How is he?”

“He died about ten minutes ago. Kerry was very upset...”

“Yeah. He was her mentor. Practically like a father to her. It’s a shame he died...he was a major pioneer in Emergency medicine. But Alzheimer’s put an end to a great career. It really shook Kerry up when he had to quit.”

Luka stared at Mark, stunned. “My God, Mark...I had no idea...”

“You didn’t?”

“Mark, I never even met Dr. Lawrence!”

“She never said anything about it?”

“No! She intubated him...he came in cherry red...”

“ ‘Cherry red, you’re dead’,” Mark said glumly.

“Yes. Mark, can you cover for me, too? It’s only another thirty minutes ‘til I’m off anyway.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m gonna go find her, that’s what.”

Luka turned and rushed back into the lounge, grabbed his pea coat, and rushed back out. Mark watched him leave, and Haleh moved up beside him.

“I hope he can help her,” Haleh said sadly.

“Me too.”



I don't wanna be the one
The one who's always left behind
Will there ever come a day
When I can turn around and say
It's all right now
It's all right now, yeah, yeah
It's all right now
I don't wanna be the one
The one who's always left undone
Losing more and more
I'm drained of everything
I'm falling down
I'll go see through in the sun saying
It's all right now
It's all right now, yeah, yeah
It's all right now
Waiting, watching, restoration for those who stay
Waving to those that walk away
I don't wanna be the one, huh
If I could only see it
If I could only feel it
Will there ever come a day
It's all right now
It's all right now, yeah, yeah
It's all right now
Yeah…


Kerry’s hands were shaking so badly, and she was crying so hard, that she could barely drive. Even worse, it was raining buckets.

Gabe had taught her so much. He encouraged her throughout her years of training, befriended her, challenged her, made her think for herself. He had never become frustrated with her when she asked him a thousand questions a minute. He had seen such potential in Kerry, and had pushed her along, never failing to listen to her thoughts and opinions.

It had been so exciting for Kerry to hire Gabe on as an attending in her ER. She would be able to show him how well she’d done-that all his efforts had paid off. She had been so proud of herself, so confident that she would be able to handle running an entire emergency department, and with her mentor at her side-a man so well known for his innovations in emergency medicine-she had been certain that they’d make a formidable team.

Gabe had been proud of her, too. His knowledge and experience had been an asset to the ER, no matter what Mark thought about it.

But things had started going wrong so fast. Gabe’s memory lapses. His distractions. Why hadn’t she picked them up? She was supposed to have been his friend. She was his protege-she had learned from the man, after all. He had taught her to be watchful, to pick up on signals. But Kerry never had been very good at instinct or observation of human nature. When it had become painfully obvious, even to Kerry, it had been too late.

She remembered her conversation with Gabe in that trauma room. Hearing him talk about how he couldn’t remember the important things any more...he had recited that poem and she had broken down and cried, feeling so helpless.

She had promised to visit him. But how many times had she followed through on that promise? Kerry had done her best to drop by and see him whenever she had a day off. It had become so painful for her, to see him so lost, so...emptied...maybe, in some way, she had justified not seeing him as often because she wanted to remember him as he had been. But all that brilliance, all that talent and knowledge was lost in a fog of a disease.

Her hands started shaking again when she remembered him telling her he was thinking about killing himself. Such a thought was so aberrant to Kerry’s mind that she had refused to even consider it as a possibility- that one day, she would see him coming into her ER on a gurney. But deep down inside, though she wanted to deny it, she knew she would. He had said he couldn’t do it too soon or he would cheat himself out of what little time had left. If he had waited too long, then he wouldn’t have remembered to do it.

“Oh, God...why...?” Kerry sobbed. The one thing she wanted him to forget...

It was so obvious that he had done it. She couldn’t deny it any more, and it broke her heart again. If only she had done something more. Despite the loss of all his memory, Gabe was still Gabe. Somewhere past that fog was the man that had been like a father to her. One of the few faithful friends Kerry ever had. He had done so much for her, and she had failed him. She had failed miserably.

Luka had been right, of course. He had made a point that she couldn’t disprove. So of course she’d had to argue against it. But Luka hadn’t known about her relationship with Gabe-she couldn’t hold it against him for not understanding. She had been irrational, but how on earth could she be rational in a situation like that? How could anyone?

He hadn’t backed down, of course. Kerry didn’t expect Luka to ever back down. He had as much of an iron will as Kerry. She wondered if he had had a mentor like Gabe-someone who had inspired him and challenged him to be the excellent doctor he was today. She had no doubt that person would be very proud of Luka for standing by his principles, for refusing to budge, for being such a compassionate and empathetic doctor.

Gabe had said he was proud of Kerry. That she would go far, that she would succeed. But tonight, she felt ashamed of herself. She felt like a failure.

She wiped the tears from her eyes and tried to concentrate on the road, but the rain was coming down harder now. All she wanted was a hot bath and have a few more good cries when she got home-she knew she was only a few more blocks from her house-when the car lurched slightly to the left, and Kerry gasped, gripping the steering wheel. She had a blowout.

“Oh, no! Not this...not now...”

Pulling over carefully, she parked and turned on her emergency blinkers. She put her head on the steering wheel and sobbed for a few minutes. Then, after pulling herself together a little, she climbed out, slamming the door angrily when she stepped into a puddle and cold water seeped into her shoes. The rain was pouring down on her, and here she was, a handicapped woman with a flat tire. She could change a tire in more pleasant circumstances, when she was already in such a mental and emotional state. Right now, the points were not in her favor.

She went around to the trunk and popped it open, searching for the...whatever it was called. The lugwrench. She found it, and then stood, staring at the spare tire. How the hell was she going to get it out? Her leg was hurting already, and she seriously doubted she could get it out by herself. “Damn!”

She hated being small. She hated her bad leg in particular, but the small part was really what rankled her the most. She was independent, after all. Had been since her teen years. But like it or not, she still lacked a great deal of physical strength. Her height-or lack thereof-certainly caused her problems. She couldn’t reach stuff on top shelves at grocery stores-and usually, the things she wanted most were on the top shelves. All her life, she had fought to have control, to be stronger than the bigger people around her. She had, in a sense,made herself psychologically bigger than they were. But now, she felt small and annoyingly helpless. A damsel in distress, and that made her burst into tears again. Frustrated, she banged the back bumper of her car with her crutch.

For a few minutes, she stood, drenched by the rain but not caring now (she had left her umbrella in her locker at work), and stared at the spare tire. Finally, she gathered up all her strength, balanced herself carefully on her crutch, and began the slow process of lifting the tire out of the trunk.

She heard a car pulling over behind her. Nervously, she turned around and was almost blinded by bright headlights. She put her hand in front of her face, shielding her eyes.

Oh, great, she thought. It’s either a Good Samaritan or a serial killer...

Whoever it was, he was getting out of the car, having turned the lights off. “Kerry?”

She recognized the softly raspy voice immediately. It was Luka.

“Dr. Kovac,” she said, stiffening.

He approached her and stood for a moment, staring at her. She looked like a soaked kitten. “What happened? Are you all right?”

“I’m fine. My tire...uh...blew out. I was just about to get the spare out,” she said, trying to exude confidence. Instead, she sounded squeaky and helpless.

“Let me help,” he said, moving closer. “I was on my way to your house, actually. Are you sure you’re all right, Kerry?”

“No, no. I’m just fine! I have it under control,” she lied. She turned around again and after a brief but exhausting struggle, hefted the tire out of the trunk. It bounced to the ground, landing squarely on her toe. She winced. “Ouch...”

“Kerry...”

“I said I can do this on my own, Luka,” she said. She turned away from him, glad he couldn’t see her tears.

Luka rolled his eyes and stood back, watching as she rolled the tire toward the front of the car. She removed the hubcap easily enough, but it was a hopeless battle against the lugnuts on the wheel, and he watched sadly. She had looked positively stricken in the trauma room and later in the lounge, and he felt awful for not reading her signals, for not understanding. He was supposed to be her friend, and he had failed to be of any help or comfort to her at all. Luka was determined to correct that as soon as possible.

Tiring of this foolishness, Luka went to her side. The woman was so damned stubborn he was sure she’d end up hurting herself, and besides that he could tell she was in a fog of grief and exhaustion. She was in no condition to be changing a tire. It hadn’t been very long ago that Luka had been in no condition to get out of bed-he could certainly understand, in many ways, how she was feeling.

“Kerry, there’s nothing wrong with asking for help,” he said gently, bending down to look at her as she continued struggling with the stubborn lugnut.

“I said I’m all right...I can do this...”

“Kerry, you’ve been fighting with the same lugnut now for...” He checked his watch. “Five minutes. It’s obviously not going to budge for you. Admit that you’re just not strong enough.”

Frustrated, she handed him the lugwrench and leaned against the car, sulking and trying to catch her breath. Her hands and back were already hurting from her fruitless efforts. It took him a matter of moments to remove the lugnuts. He then went back to the trunk and searched for the jack.

Typical ‘capable male’ syndrome, she thought bitterly, glad that the rain was covering the tears still flowing from her eyes. The whole ‘he-man’ thing...

“Uh, Kerry, where’s the jack?”

“What do you mean, ‘Where’s the jack?’ Isn’t it in there?”

“No.” He looked at her, eyebrow raised. “You don’t have a jack, Kerry?”

“Well, hell, of course I have a jack!” She crutched to his side and peered into the trunk. No jack. While peering in, her hand brushed against his, and she jerked away, startled.

“I’ll use mine,” Luka said, smiling and shaking his head.

“Oh, I know what you’re thinking!” she snapped. “ ‘Typical helpless woman, can’t remember to carry a jack in her truck...it’s a wonder she even had a spare tire...why, it’s a wonder she can even drive!’”

Luka sighed. “Kerry, I’m sorry about Dr. Lawrence. I didn’t know he was your mentor. Or that he was your friend. I had no idea, and I apologize.”

She shuddered and backed away from him. But he moved back toward her.

“You’ve been crying,” he said softly.

“I have not...”

“Shhh...Kerry, there’s nothing wrong with crying.”

“He was...he was like a father to me...” she said, hanging her head.

She was a little unprepared, but so relieved, when he pulled her into his arms and held her. She broke down and sobbed into his chest, her self-control gone. He stroked her hair and murmured to her as she cried, rocking her gently, until at last she pulled herself back together and stepped away, unable to meet his gaze. He studied her for a moment, then nodded. For some reason, she immediately felt better- she felt the old fight coming back into her again.

“Now...let’s get this tire changed. It’s a wonder I have a jack in my trunk,” Luka said nonchalantly. He opened his own car’s trunk and returned in a moment with a jack. He made quick work of changing her tire. In fact, he was finished before she could think of a proper response to his self-deprecating remark.

“So what were you thinking?” she asked him, struggling to sound angry.

“I was thinking...” Luka paused. He had been thinking about a lot of things. About how provocative their argument had been that afternoon- all that heat and passion, the sparks flying between them, neither of them giving an inch-it had been very stimulating, and he was rather hoping for another argument soon. He was thinking about how beautiful she looked when she was angry, but also how delicate and vulnerable she looked now, with her hair wet and her voice thin and frail, her eyes still brimming with tears. “I was thinking about how stubborn you are.”

“I am stubborn,” she said. “And I am not some helpless little damsel in distress who needs some big, strong, knight in shining white armor to come riding along on his white charger...”

“Well, I prefer black,” Luka said, amused, knowing he was winning this argument.

“Black charger, then! I don’t need you to come along and rescue me. I don’t need some European lothario to...”

“I’m hardly a lothario, Kerry. Lotharios tend to have active love
lives.”

She gulped, but stubbornly continued. “So you can just take your height and your hair and your sexy accent and just get right back in your car and go away...”

He had moved closer to her, so that with almost every word her voice got squeakier, her heart pounded faster...she could feel the warmth from his body, the sexual energy that just...oozed from him. But Kerry was still fighting. To emphasize her point, she jabbed him in the chest with her index finger, determined to make it clear to Luka that she wasn’t going to surrender.

“I was also thinking,” he smiled sweetly, “of how pretty you look, standing there in the rain.”

She was sure she was going to swoon now. Damn it, Kerry, she told herself, this isn’t ‘Gone With The Wind’, for God’s sake! Pull yourself together! “Don’t you try that on me, Luka Kovac, I...”

“Do you really want me to go away, Kerry?” he asked her, his voice so gentle she almost came unglued.

Before she knew it, the word leapt from her mouth. “No!” Uh-oh, she thought. Damn...

Before she could do anything about it, he pulled her to him and kissed her. For a moment, she pushed at his shoulders, but he moved her back a little, finally making her lean against the door of her car. Once he had kissed her into submission, his grip was much gentler-his arm moved around her waist-she could feel the warmth of his body against her shivering skin, all the way through the wetness of her clothes. Kerry opened her mouth to him, letting him explore her, sighing, drinking him in.

She was overwhelmed, and all she could do was give in. God, he was a wonderful kisser. He teased her until she was kissing him back, hungrily nibbling at his lips. She reached up and touched his face, which was wet from the rain, then traced her fingertips to his neck and finally to his shoulders, caressing him, still kissing him for all she was worth, needing him so desperately.

He pulled away from her, and she closed her eyes as he touched her face with his fingertips, tracing the delicate line of her cheekbone and down to her neck.

“I think we’ll just leave your car here, and I’ll drive you home. You’re in no condition for driving.”

“I’m fine,” she lied. In fact, she was hoping he’d kiss her again.

“Come on, get in the car.”

Luka found himself smiling at her. Right now, she looked so vulnerable, so fragile he half expected her to fall apart right before him. Her skin tasted good, and her lips, flavored by the rain, were as sweet as he had imagined they would be. Luka gave thought to kissing her again, but figured that if he kissed her again, he might not be able to stop. Besides, she needed comforting more than anything else.

Dumbly, she nodded, giving in.



Kerry turned on the kitchen light and glanced back at Luka, who was still standing in the hallway. Maudie was rubbing against his leg, purring happily.

“I think she likes you,” Kerry said nervously. She turned on the tap and splashed cool water on her face, hoping unrealistically that the redness would go away. She had caught a glimpse of herself in the hallway mirror and knew her eyes would be puffy for a while. She looked awful.

“Most cats do,” Luka muttered. “Mainly out of spite.” He stepped into the kitchen.

“Would you like something to drink? I have...uh...whiskey, bourbon, wine...”

“No. No thanks.”

She sighed and began pouring herself a shot of whiskey. But suddenly she felt his hands on her shoulders, pulling her back. He took the bottle from her and set it aside. “Drinking won’t make it better, Kerry,” he said gently.

“I know. But it numbs things.”

“You can only be numb for so long. Eventually, you have to wake up.”

Kerry rubbed her eyes. “Maybe I don’t want to wake up. At least not until after the funeral.”

Luka sighed and looked down. He had wanted numbness, too-he had wanted death itself-after the deaths of his wife and children. He could certainly understand what Kerry was saying. “Let me make you some coffee. Go sit down in the living room.”

“I don’t want to sit down!” she argued.

“Kerry, go sit down.” His voice hardened, and he looked down at her.

She sulked, then turned and crutched into the living room and flopped on the couch. Soon, she could smell strong coffee brewing. “Not too strong!” she called. “I want to be able to sleep some day!”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said, coming through the living room door, bearing two cups of steaming coffee. “Here. Drink.”

“It’s black,” she said, breathing in the strong scent.

“Comme il faut,” he nodded. “You need to get warm. You don’t want a cold, do you?”

She shook her head and took a sip. “Good God, Luka, this stuff’d melt the chrome off a trailer hitch!”

He grinned. “Good. Just how my mother made it.”

“The type that puts hair on your chest, huh?” she said with a mildly derisive snort.

“Yep. But then again, she had three men in her life. My father, my brother and me. She never drank coffee herself.”

“If I drink this stuff, Luka, I’ll only be able to get a job as a carnival freak.”

He drank his coffee down quickly, which was distressing for Kerry. She had to keep up somehow. She took another sip, wincing at the powerful kick. She made a “gack” sound and pretended to choke.

“Ah, shuddup,” he grinned. “It’s not that bad.”

They were seated on her couch. She looked so small and forlorn. Luka wondered if she’d ever recover from this blow. He knew too well about the pain of losing a friend. He had lost so many in his life.

“Kerry, I’m sorry about Dr. Lawrence,” he repeated. “I know he’d be very proud of you.”

“I can’t see how,” she said softly. “I failed him. I didn't do enough, didn't visit him as much as I said I would, didn't take advantage of the time he had left...while there was still time.”

“Kerry, you can’t blame yourself for what happened. I wish I could say something profound here to make you feel better, but I can’t. I still blame myself in many ways for...for what happened to my family. And I’m still trying to work my way out of the...how do you say? ‘Blame game’? I didn’t let myself grieve for them for the longest time, and that didn’t really help. It’s best to just get all the anger and the grief out.”

“You have a lot to get over,” she said softly. “More than me.”

“That’s not the point. This isn’t some kind of competition to see who has it worse. I lost my family and friends in the war. You lost your mentor...someone you loved and admired, a father figure. But neither one of us can afford to let those losses dictate our lives, can we? What happened to me isn’t the only thing about me. I can’t let it be. I still love them, and when I think about them, I try to think about the good times, not the bad times...how it all ended. That’s what you should do, Kerry, when it gets too hard to deal with. Remember the good times. The good times aren’t over for good, you know.”

“You know a lot about loss, don’t you?” she asked softly.

For a moment, he looked away, licking his lips. She watched him, remembering how those lips felt against her own. Had he really meant to kiss her? Or was he just feeling sorry for her?

“Yes, I do,” he nodded. “But that isn’t the issue right now. This was a very painful day for you, wasn’t it?”

“It was good...and then it was really bad.”

He nodded. “You’re not ER chief any more. That must be a plus,” he smiled.

She laughed bitterly. “Yes. It is, I guess. Yes. It is a plus. I’m...I’m free now.”

“Free to do what?”

Kerry looked at him, noting that his hair was still wet from the rain. Does he ever not look amazing? she wondered. “Free to...I don’t know. Free to be a doctor again. Free to do something with my life besides work. And now, I guess I’m free to...to actually grieve. I didn’t even have time to grieve for Lucy...I had to work...”

“That used to be my way of dealing with it. I worked all the time. Too much, but it was the only way I could keep from going insane. But you can’t work all the time.”

“You still do, Luka.”

“Yeah. I guess I do. I still have a lot of healing to do. It wouldn’t matter if it was a few hours ago or a nine years ago, the pain is still there. But I’m learning to deal with it. A little at a time.”

There was a long, comfortable silence between them. Kerry watched his face for a moment. He had been through so much, yet he still had his humanity and his decency intact. That decency had come shining through tonight, when he’d come to find her, to help and comfort her in one of the hardest moments of her life.

“Luka, why did you kiss me?” she asked suddenly, before she could even stop herself.

He watched her carefully, then looked right into her eyes. “Because I wanted to.”

“So if a woman jabs you in the chest with her finger, you kiss her?” she teased.

“It would depend on the woman who was...uh...jabbing me.”

“You weren’t just...just being nice? Trying to comfort me? Or to shut me up?”

He laughed. “Kerry, I try to be nice to everyone...generally.” He looked up, squinting slightly. “And yes, I think I was trying to comfort you, but maybe I was trying to comfort myself a little. It’s been a while since I’ve really kissed a woman...a woman I can really trust. And as for shutting you up...no. I don’t mind it when you talk. You always have something interesting to say.”

She blushed and looked down, but he touched her chin and tilted her head up. “You trust me?” she asked softly.

“With my life.”

“Really?” she asked, eyes widening.

He searched her face. “Do you trust me?”

Kerry nodded immediately. “Of course I do,” she whispered.

Luka kissed her gently, pulling her into his arms and hugging her, warming her. Kerry offered no resistance this time, slipping her arms around his neck and relaxing, kissing him back, breathing in his warmth and his strength. She did trust him. This was a steady, calm, self-assured man. There was no deception in him, no manipulation, no selfishness. He wasn’t perfect. In fact, he was pretty damaged. But so was Kerry.

He kissed her cheek, and gently pulled away. “I was wondering...”

“About what?” she asked, taking a deep breath.

“I was wondering if you were doing anything tomorrow night. What time do you get off?”

“Four o’clock. Are you asking me out on a date?”

“Yeah,” he said. He licked his lips nervously. “I am. Just realize...I wasn’t good at it the first time around. Dating, I mean.”

“What do you suggest we do, then?” Kerry smiled.

He shrugged, then gave her a beautiful smile. “Uh...dinner, a movie, maybe a walk by the lake. Whatever you like.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Then more...uh...dates. My dog meets your cat, and if they don’t kill each other...”

“We go steady?” Kerry laughed, already feeling a lot better. She knew she’d feel worse later, but her tears had dried for now.

“Heh...yeah. It’s the all important ‘canine-feline’ test to see if we’re compatible, then I pass you notes in the hall at work.”

“And then...?”

“Well, maybe one day I’ll let you buy my dinner, and in return I’ll make a full Croatian meal for you. Then we’ll just have to see how the story goes.”

Kerry looked up at him, her heart pounding. Luka obviously didn’t view dating as just some casual thing.

She wondered if they’d make it. She knew they could. It was a matter of commitment-of being willing to hear each other, to agree to disagree, to fight without letting anger become part of the equation. A very tough thing to do. But Kerry was tough enough for it. And she didn’t know a stronger man than Luka.

“I’m not the easiest person to deal with, Kerry. I’m grouchy, I have a lousy temper, I’m very old-fashioned. I’m out of shape, I have a judgmental streak, I’m stubborn...”

“I’m stubborn, too. I have a terrible temper. I’m a control freak, always going by the rules, always trying to micromanage...I’m sure we’ll do plenty to drive each other crazy.”

“We’re quite a pair, then, huh?”

Her day had gone badly, and she knew she had plenty more grieving to do. But now, sitting beside her on her couch, drinking a cup of coffee and grinning at her, was a friend. A friend who understood what she was going through and would listen to her and stand by her. Even if things didn’t work out for them so far as courtship was concerned, she knew they would always be friends. ‘To be a friend, one must be friendly’-she had thought about that earlier today, and it was still true. She didn’t know a kinder, more friendly person than Luka. She was just going to have to learn to do the same. One of her teachers had left this world, but she had found another one in Luka Kovac.

“I should get going, Kerry. You need your sleep.”

He stood up, and then gently helped her to her feet. They stood for a moment, looking at each other.

“You look beautiful, you know that?” he said, brushing her cheek. She wasn’t sure if she believed that, but...for such a beautiful man to say such a thing to her...

“Thank you,” she answered. “Luka, will you...will you come with me to Gabe’s funeral?”

“Certainly.”

“And we have that date tomorrow night, of course.”

“I’ll pick you up at seven o’clock. Dress casual.”

She laughed. “Where are we going, besides the movies?”

“You’ll find out when we get there.”

With that, he drank down the last of his coffee, grinned at her, and left.



Kerry snuggled into her bed and wrapped herself up in her blankets, still a little chilly but knowing she’d be warming up soon. She still had to come to terms with Gabe’s death. It all hadn’t fully sunk in yet, and she knew she’d have to cope with it all soon. But now, she was so tired she wanted to think of the future, of the possibilities.

She had no intention of getting a cold before her first ‘official’ date with Luka Kovac, so she buried herself under her blankets, hugging her pillow. She looked at Maudie, who was curled up in a ball of fur beside her.

“You know, Maudie, I have a feeling that one day, you’re going to have to give your space here in this bed.”

She turned off the light and lay down. In a few minutes, she was asleep.



Luka sat down on his living room couch, and Val put his head on his knee. “And here I thought Halloween was about the worst holiday of the year...maybe, if things go well, we’ll go trick-or-treating next year. You can go as a vampire or something, how ‘bout that? I’ll wear this suit and go as a Mafia hitman.”

The dog rolled his eyes and lay down, stretching on his side.

He took a sip of a Coke. “I know there’s going to be hard times ahead. November the eighteenth is coming up way too fast, but...maybe for once I won’t go through it alone. From now on, Val, I’m going to try to live my life. I’m going to *have* a life. I just hope you can tolerate cats...” He grinned. “Val, it’s been a good day.”

Luka lay down on his side and quickly drifted off into a deep sleep.

~THE END

--
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
~P.J. O'Rourke, "Parlaiment of Whores"

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
~Erma Bombeck

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
~Stephen Wright