The Man Who Held Her Heart, Part 6
By Cathy Roberts
glroberts@bigfoot.com
A John Carter story, rated PG15

Last episode seen was "Great Expectations", although
this is an Alternate Universe story. It contains no
spoilers for Season Six.

"ER" and all its characters belong to Warner Bros. No
infringement of their copyright is intended. This story
was written for the enjoyment of "ER" fans everywhere, and
may be downloaded for your own pleasure. However this story
may not be used, distributed or archived without the
permission of the author.

I would like to take the opportunity to send a big thank you
to Melissa who edits my ramblings, and to Amanda, who
encouraged me to write a sequel to this story.



As the week passed, Anna and John fell into a comfortable routine.
At his request, she began to awaken him early each morning and they
would enjoy breakfast together. Then, either his mother or
grandmother would arrive and Anna would leave for work, feeling
at ease that he wasn't there with his father or grandfather. And
each evening when she returned home, someone would be there with
John, who was usually napping. He would awaken at her return and
they would have supper together, then either sit and read or talk
while watching television. He didn't act as if he wanted to talk
about his father and she decided to let it drop for a short time.
She knew that he would talk to her when he was ready. The only
problem with that was she didn't know how long it would be before
he decided he was ready.

Anna's sense of calm took a blow the morning she opened the door to
find Roland Carter and Dawes waiting to come into the apartment.
She hesitated, then let them in. A million reasons for missing work
flashed through her head. She did not want to leave John with
this man. It felt wrong to her and after taking one look at John,
she could see that he wasn't happy about his father being there.
Yet, it was John who rushed her out the door, not letting her have
the opportunity to lie and say that she had the day off.

At work she was edgy and abrupt with people. It didn't take long
for Doug Ross to corner her in the lounge to ask if she was all
right, or if something was wrong with John.

"Oh, something's wrong all right, but it isn't with John. It's
his father." Anna blurted out. She immediately reddened, her
embarrassment acute as she realized that she had revealed something
personal about John. She pulled out a chair and sank down onto the
seat, her eyes downcast.

"What about Carter's father?" Doug sat down next to her.

"I shouldn't say anything."

"I know that Carter's family didn't rush back home when he was
injured. Does this have something to do with that?"

Anna nodded. "In a way. Oh, Hell, I have got to talk to someone
about this or I'll go crazy with worry. But, Doug, you can't tell
this to anyone. Promise?"

"I promise. I know I have a reputation for being a big mouth, but
I promise that this will stay between us. I won't even tell Carol."
Doug smiled reassuringly and Anna knew then that she could trust
him.

She told him about the conversation she had overheard, then what
happened when she had tried to talk to John about it. "And then
Roland showed up this morning. I didn't want to leave John there
with him, but John reminded me that I was due in early. He didn't
want me staying there, Doug."

"It definitely sounds as if Roland Carter is verbally and
emotionally abusive. And from the way you described that
conversation between you and Carter, I wouldn't hesitate to guess
that he might have been physically abusive as well."

"But, John comes from a rich family," Anna protested. "They don't
do that kind of thing. Do they?" She looked at him carefully,
the worry on her mind evident on her face.

"Abuse doesn't recognize net profits, Anna."

She paled. "Dear God. And I left him alone with that monster."

"Anna, I may be wrong. I've been wrong about these things before."

She could tell that he was trying to keep her from becoming upset,
but a good look at his eyes told her that he believed it to be true.

"I think I should go home early today."

"I think that might be a good idea. I also think it's about time
that Carter had some visitors from work, don't you agree?"

Anna nodded. John's co-workers had not come to visit since he had
come home. They sent their best wishes everyday, but most of them
figured that he needed to get settled in at home and didn't need to
be bothered. But, she knew that if one or two of them headed over
there, then the rest would follow.

"Do you know when he goes for therapy?" Doug asked.

"They leave around nine and his appointment is at nine thirty. They
get home shortly before noon. He'll have lunch, then take something
for the pain and go to bed. Most of the time he's still napping by
the time I get home."

"Well, I think I can spare some time at lunch to pay him a visit.
The apartment isn't that far away, right?"

"Five minutes on the E, and that's during rush hour."

"Then I definitely think a visit is in order. I'll see if Carol
wants to go with me."

Anna nodded. "Thanks, Doug."

"Hey, we all need someone to talk to every now and then. Why don't
we get back to work? And Anna? Try your best to leave bodies and
heads connected for the rest of the day." He grinned.

"Sorry."

"I can take it. But, I'm not so sure about the rest of them. Kerry
might be a wee bit sensitive to things like that."

"You're talking about Kerry Weaver, right?" Anna asked. But a
quick glance at his smiling face let her know that he was joking.
"Very funny, Doug. Let's get back to work before I separate your
head from your body."

"Ooh, I love it when you're threatening, Anna."

"Doug, shut up."

John smiled at Doug and Carol, then settled back against the sheets.
"Thanks for coming by. It was really nice to see you."

"No problem. We wanted to give you time to get settled into your
new routine before barging in. Now that we've seen you, we can
let everyone else know that you're ready to receive visitors," Doug
said.

"You mentioned that before. Several times in fact," John pointed
out.

"Yes, he did." Carol looked from John to Doug, wondering what
was really on Doug's mind and why he decided that his day would be
ruined if they didn't get to visit Carter at lunch.

"Well, I meant it. Do you need anything else before we leave?"

John shook his head. "I'm fine. I appreciate the help and I'm
sure that Dawes also appreciates it. He's been a great help."

"He's a nice man," Carol said.

John nodded. "Yes, he is. I've known him all my life." He
suddenly yawned. "Sorry. The physical therapy is catching up
to me."

"Then we should leave. We'll catch you later, Carter."

"Right."

Dawes was ready to let them out.

"Thank you for putting Master Carter to bed," he said.

"You're welcome. If you need any help at any time, just give us a
call." Doug said. He looked over to the dining room table, where
Roland Carter was sitting, paperwork spread out on the table in
front of him. "It's nice to know that there's someone here to
take care of Carter."

Dawes looked in the same direction. "Yes, sir, it is."

Doug and Carol said their good-byes to Roland Carter, who did take a
second to acknowledge the fact they were leaving. Then they returned
to work. Even though she was about to burst from curiosity, Carol
didn't badger Doug with a lot of questions. She figured that she
could corner Anna later and find out what was going on. Anna was
easy to coerce, she thought, and the most likely one to give her
a straight answer. Much to her chagrin, Anna wouldn't talk to her
either. Instead, she and Doug went off into the lounge to talk.
Well, let them have their secret, Carol thought, she would find some
way to find out what was going on with Carter that had them so upset.



John huddled upon the basement steps, feeling secure in the darkness
he had found there. Maybe if he kept real quiet then his father
wouldn't know he was there. It had not been a good day. His father
had woken up angry. He stomped through the house as he got ready for
work, then yelled at all of them at breakfast. All of them except for
Bobby. He somehow managed to keep a smile available for Bobby, no
matter how upset or angry he was. Their mother simply sat in her
chair, her eyes red and puffy from crying. John knew without being
told that Bobby's last doctors' appointment had not gone well. His
parents always acted like this the day after Bobby had a doctors'
appointment.

As fate would have it, John ended up going upstairs to brush his
teeth shortly after his father had left the dining room. As John
climbed the back stairs he found himself hoping that he wouldn't
run into his father. But his hopes were fruitless. His Dad was
coming out of his bedroom just as John was walking by and he ended
up bumping into John.

His father's reaction had been so fast that John found himself
knocked up against the wall before it ever registered in his brain
that his father had thrown him there.

"Damn you, boy. Why don't you ever watch where you're going? For
the life of me I just don't understand why you can't pay attention."

"I'm sorry, Daddy," John mumbled. Then he realized that was a mistake
as well. His father hated mumbling. Speaking up, he clearly
apologized. But, it was too late.

"Maybe this will help you remember." Roland said as his fists
slammed into the small body. "Don't forget again, John."

"No, sir, I won't forget again." He had to bite down hard on his
tongue to keep from crying out, but he succeeded. Bobby had told
him that he couldn't ever cry and even though that had been when
they were talking about Bobby's leukemia, John somehow knew that it
also applied to other times. Like now.

But, it was so hard not to cry, John thought as he wrapped his arms
around his legs. He didn't mind the physical pain so much. It was
the anger in his father's eyes that hurt the most. He didn't know
why his father was always so angry with him.

He yelped as a fist connected with one of the bruises on his back
and he jumped up. He would have fallen down the steps except that
Bobby grabbed his arm and held him steady.

"Sorry, I thought you heard me coming down the steps." Bobby sat
down, pulling John down with him. "I didn't hit you that hard though."

"Hard enough." John rubbed his arm where Bobby had grabbed him.
If he didn't have a bruise there from before he was sure to have one
now.

"You've been pretty skittish lately. Are those bullies picking on
you at school again? You just have to stand up to them, Johnny.
That's what I did and then they left me alone."

"It's not them. They don't bother me much."

"Then what is it? I swear there are times when I think that if I
said "boo" you'd hit the ceiling." Bobby stared at him and John
had to look away before he saw the tears in his eyes.

He was too late though. Bobby put his arm around his shoulders.
"Don't cry, Johnny. We said we wouldn't cry, remember?"

"I'm trying not to, Bobby."

"I know. You're doing a great job, too, Johnny." He patted him on
the back, making John gasp out loud as he hit the numerous bruises
there.

"I know for sure that I didn't hit you hard that time. What's wrong
with you?"

"N...n...nothing." John stammered as he rose to get away from his
brother. He didn't want Bobby finding out about what their father
had done. "I uh, I fell down at school, that's all."

"If you fell down hard enough to still be hurting now, then you
should have gone to see the school nurse and I know for sure that
Mom and Dad would have said something about it. Since they didn't,
then that means you didn't see the nurse. What happened? Are you
hurt? Let me see?"

Bobby chased John down the stairs and finally had him cornered.
"Let me see, Johnny."

"No. It's nothing for you to worry about, Bobby. Just leave it
alone."

"I want to see what's wrong. Quit acting like a baby and show me."

"No." John felt trapped. He finally made a dive for the floor,
intending to go under Bobby's legs and get away. Bobby was too
quick for him though. He simply sat on him, making him howl from
the pain. Concerned that he had seriously hurt his little brother,
Bobby rolled off of him, pulling John's shirt up as he moved.

"Holy shit, Johnny," Bobby exclaimed.

John angrily pulled his shirt back down. "It's nothing."

"Nothing my ass."

"Shh. You can't say things like that, Bobby, or you'll get in
trouble."

"Mom doesn't care. She lets me do just about anything I want
these days. Except for the things I want to do the most, like
ride my bike. Who hit you, Johnny?"

"No one. I told you that I fell down."

"Bullshit. I'm not letting you leave here until you tell me who
did this."

They sat there for a long time staring at each other. Finally, John
was the one who looked away. "You can't tell anyone, all right?"

"Fine. Whatever. Just tell me who did this so I can knock his head
off, okay?"

"Daddy."

Bobby was silent for a few moments as he digested that bit of
information. "Are you saying that Daddy hit you like that?"

John nodded.

"Why would he do that?"

"I'm pretty clumsy, Bobby. You keep telling me that. And I'm not
as smart as you and I don't always do the right thing. I keep
doing things that make it rougher for Daddy right now."

"And he hits you?"

John nodded. "I try to be good, Bobby. I really do try. But, I
don't always succeed. I get in his way a lot."

"Johnny, that's no reason for him to hit you."

"You don't understand because you aren't around when it happens,
Bobby."

"I hope I never understand, Johnny. Well, I guess that from now on,
I'll have to make sure that I am around."

John sent a puzzled look his brother's way. "You can't stay home
all the time, you have to start chemo soon."

"And you'll be going with me. If I tell Mom that I won't go unless
you're with me, then she'll make sure that you're there. Daddy can't
hit you if you're not home, right?

"I guess not."

Bobby's plan worked to an extent. There were still times when John
found himself totally alone with his father. There were also times
when their paths would cross in the house or yard and John would bear
the brunt of his father's frustrations.

One day, while waiting for Bobby to start his chemo, John bumped
into a table in the waiting room, aggravating previous injuries. The
nurse and doctor saw the bruises and became concerned as to their
origin. Bobby began to cry, telling them that sometimes he got so
frustrated over being sick that he hit John. John kept looking at
the floor, knowing that the doctor would never believe that story,
no matter how hard Bobby cried.

"Bobby, I know that you're feeling as if your world will never be
normal again, but it will. I imagine that it's difficult for you
to watch your brother doing the things you can't do right now, but
you can't take your frustrations out on him. I have an idea. Why
don't you have your Mom get you a big fluffy pillow, and then, when
you feel frustrated, you can hit the pillow and not John. How
about that?" The doctor kindly suggested.

"I can try that." Bobby looked over at John. "I'm sorry,
Johnny."

"It's okay, Bobby," John answered, surprised that the adults had
believed Bobby's lie.



John felt something softly brush against his forehead and he jumped,
then opened his eyes. Anna was standing by his bed, her eyes big and
sad.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"That's okay. You always wake me for dinner."

"It's not dinner time yet. I was able to come home early. Your father
and Dawes left, so it's just us."

He nodded, but didn't say anything.

"You were having a dream," she said.

"We all dream, Anna."

"It didn't look like a nice dream."

"It was about my brother."

"Not your father and what he's done to you?"

John sighed as he pulled himself up into a sitting position. Anna
arranged the pillows behind his back, then sat on the edge of the bed.
He could feel the heat of her body through the covers and his body
quickly told him that it had been a long time since he had last been
with a woman. And Anna looked so beautiful sitting there on his bed,
but his mind wanted to get her off her present train of thought.

"Anna, my father is a good man. When Bobby was diagnosed with leukemia,
he took it hard. Very hard. Both of my parents took it hard. I don't
think that either one of them has ever really recovered from Bobby's
death."

"That doesn't give him the right to tell you that he wishes you had
been the one to die, John. You are a human being with feelings and
he doesn't have the right to belittle you that way."

"He didn't mean it, Anna."

"The Hell he didn't."

"I'm not going to argue with you over my father. You don't know my
family, so you have no reason to make these judgements."

"Did he ever hit you? Hurt you on purpose?" She impulsively asked,
knowing as she did so that she was pushing things. His head jerked
up and he looked shocked at her questions, but then he quickly looked
away and she knew that the answer was yes.

"John, no parent has the right to hurt their child."

"Just drop it, Anna. Okay?"

Anna reached out and caressed his cheek. "No, John, it's not okay.
But, I'll let it go for tonight." She stood. "What would you like
for dinner?"

"Taking requests, are you?"

"Yep. As long as you pick something from a place that delivers, then
you can have anything you want." She forced a smile, but it quickly
became a real one as he smiled up at her.

"In that case, pizza sounds good to me."

"That's easy enough. Wait here while I scrounge up a menu so we can
decide what kind to get."

"That's easy enough for me. I'll eat it with plain cheese or all
the way and everything in between."

"Picky, aren't you?" she laughed.

"Not very. Not when it comes to food. Whatever you want on the
pizza will be fine with me."

"Even anchovies?"

He grimaced. "I think you might be pushing it with those."

She grinned. "Then it's a good thing for you that I hate them.
I'll call in the order, then come back to help you out of bed, okay?"

"Sounds like a plan to me, Anna."

He watched her walk out of his room, then leaned back against the
pillows. It had been a rough day. He had known that with Dawes
there, his father wouldn't say anything ugly to him, but he still
felt wary having his father there. He wished that he could find
some way to make his father proud of him. It wouldn't be so hard for
his dad to tell him that he loved him, would it? He would be
happy if he could just hear it once. He searched through his memories,
wondering if his dad had ever said it to him, even in the happier days
before Bobby's leukemia. But, those days were so hard to remember.
He angrily brushed away a tear that had slipped down his cheek. He
didn't want to cry about something as stupid as what his life had been
like before his brother got sick, but a second tear followed the first
and the next thing he knew, he was sobbing. It was as much from being
tired of his injuries as it was that he didn't know why not being able
to remember being happy as child bothered him so much. When Anna sat
back down on the bed and pulled him to her, holding him close, he felt
something give in his heart and he wrapped his arms around her, crying
into her shoulder.


End of Part Six