Homeless Once More, Part Five
By Cathy Roberts
glroberts@bigfoot.com
A John Carter story, rated PG13.
Complete and total spoiler for "The Good Fight"

"ER" and all its characters belong to Warner Bros. No
infringement of their copyright is intended. This story
was written for the enjoyment of "ER" fans everywhere, and
may be downloaded for your own pleasure. However this
story may not be used, distributed or archived without the
permission of the author.

Many thanks to my editor, Melissa, who put in a lot of hard work.
I would also like to extend a special thank you to Michelle,
for matching the two of us up through the Author/Editor Match.



Kerry slowly opened her eyes only to quickly shut them again. The
room was spinning and her head throbbed in time with her heartbeat.
She took a deep breath to steady herself, then opened her eyes once
more. The room was still moving, but not as wildly as it had before.
She focused on a spot on the ceiling, concentrating until the room
came to a gradual halt. So far, so good. She knew that the minute
she moved it might start back up again. Serves you right for
getting drunk, she scolded herself. Somehow, she managed to sit up.
Her crutch was propped against the night stand within easy reach
and she was grateful for the extra support as she made her way to
the bathroom. Her memory slowly returned to her and she recalled
how Carter had carried her into the bathroom and then back to her
room. Wait a minute! She paused in front of the mirror and looked
carefully at her reflection, then she looked down as if to confirm
that the mirror had not lied. She was wearing Teddy Bear pajamas.
Not only did she not remember changing into them, but if she had,
she would not have chosen this particular set to sleep in. A gift
from her niece, they were saved for whenever her niece came to visit.
If she didn't pick them out to wear, then that meant someone else
took them out of her dresser drawer. Someone else dressed her.
Someone else undressed her.

"Carter!", she yelled, immediately realizing that yelling was not a
good idea right now.

She headed for the kitchen, hoping to find him, but he wasn't there
and it didn't look as if he had just left it either. The room was
spotless.

"He must still be asleep.", she reasoned.

The ringing of the telephone made her head ache even more and she
was very out of sorts when she answered.

"What?"

"Kerry? It's Mark Greene. I hope I didn't wake you."

"No. I was already up. What can I do for you, Mark?"

"I was just calling to make sure that you were feeling okay. Carter
told me that you were sick. You've never stayed home sick before."

"Uh, it's just a stomach virus or something I ate that didn't agree
with me. I'll be in."

"That's not necessary, Kerry.", his calm voice assured her, "Just
stay home and rest. Things are quiet so far this morning."

So far this morning? Did she hear him correctly? She looked at her
watch. It was already eight. She was supposed to be at work an
hour ago. Carter had obviously taken it upon himself to decide
that she would stay home. Well, we'll see about that!, she thought.

"Is Carter available?"

"You just missed him. He has an appointment upstairs. Well, I'll
let you go now. If you need anything, call us."

"Thanks, Mark."

"I'll see you tomorrow. Bye."

"Bye."

Kerry hung up, still angry with Carter. He should have awoken her.
How dare he make decisions for her! There would be Hell to pay
when he got home, that was for sure! Her mind made up that she
would not let him get away with this, she made her way back to
the bathroom and a long, hot shower.



Dr. McIntyre smiled as Carter arrived right on time.

"It's good to see you, John."

"Wish I could say the same.", Carter replied as he sat down. He
had been on since six, and all morning he had thought about how
unfair it was that he was being forced to see a psychiatrist. He
didn't like it one bit and he had decided that he would go, but be
wouldn't be nice about it.

"I can see that you're in a good mood this morning. Did you sleep
well last night?"

"Very well.", Carter lied. Even though he had fallen asleep on the
couch, he had not slept long. By one in the morning he was wide
awake and unable to get back to sleep in his room. He stretched
out on his bed, thinking. Thinking too much. Maybe that was his
main problem - he thought too much. That was how he lost Anna.
He had spent so much time thinking about how and when to tell her how
he felt that when he was finally ready to share his feelings, it
was too late. Maybe he should be more like his sister, act first
and think later. Just let everything roll off of his back.

"Last time, we were talking about how you felt after your brother
died."

"I remember that."

"Do you want to continue with that?"

"No."

Dr. McIntyre smiled, "I was hoping to avoid this, but after the way
I threatened you, I'm not surprised that you're behaving this way."

"I feel much better about things. I don't think I need to be here."

"And I happen to disagree with you about that. Since I'm trained
in psychiatry and you're not, then you should defer to my opinion."

Carter glared at him, unable to argue with that. "Fine.", he snapped,
"I defer to you!"

McIntyre sighed and wondered what happened to his cooperative
patient from the other day. He looked at his notes and found a
new topic for discussion.

"When was the last time you saw your parents?"

"I saw them both on Halloween. I saw my Mom the other day."

"Were you expecting to see them?"

Carter shook his head.

"Do they often show up unexpectedly?"

"If they did, it wouldn't be unexpected, would it?"

"Right.", McIntyre was glad he was a man with patience. "Were you
surprised to see them?"

"Yes."

"Happy to see them?"

"Yes."

"And when you saw your mother the other day, were you surprised?"

"Yes."

"Why?", the doctor was getting tired of Carter's one word answers.

"She never goes anywhere without Dad and he never goes anywhere
without her. I think they're joined at the hip or something."

"Were you happy to see her?"

Carter shook his head.

"So what changed between Halloween and the other day?"

"What changed?", Carter asked. "Well, I lost my R. A. job and
my room."

"What else?"

"That's it."

"John, I can handle it if you want to make my job difficult by
giving me incomplete answers. I'll just work harder to find out
what's going on. But, I can't work at all if you lie to me."

"Isn't my time up?"

"No. We have plenty of time. I don't have another patient until
ten."

"Good for you. There are probably two or more patients waiting for
me right now!"

"You're really upset with me, aren't you?"

"We've been over that already."

"True. Can you tell me why you refuse to speak to your father? Why
do you hang up on him?"

"I hang up on him because I'm not interested in anything he has to
say!", Carter angrily replied.

"And why is that?"

"Because he's a controller. He wants to run my life. He always
thinks that he knows best about what's good for me."

"Sounds like a typical father to me."

Carter laughed, "Oh, he's anything but typical!"

"You told me that he supported your decision to go to medical school.
That sounds like he cares about you."

"He wanted me to be a surgeon."

"And is that what you wanted to be?"

"I wanted to make my parents happy. Last year, I realized that
being a surgeon would not make me happy and I switched to trauma."

Carter felt a little more at ease now they were discussing work
and not his parents.

"You like working in the Emergency Room?"

"Oh, yeah. I like it a lot. It's challenging and I can see that
what I do makes a difference in people's lives."

"Isn't it the same for a surgeon?"

"All they care about is cutting someone open and doing the procedure.
They don't care about what happened before or what happens next,
or how afraid the patient is about having surgery or being ill.
Get that procedure done. That's the bottom line in surgery."

"I think that you're lumping all surgeons together in one pot,
John. Not all of them are like that, you know."

"All the ones I know are that way. Don't get me wrong, I have a
lot of respect for surgeons. What they do is amazing. I even
enjoyed operating. I just didn't agree with the attitude that
surgery is the only answer. I also had a problem with the
concept of avoiding surgery because having the patient die would
make the surgeon or hospital look bad. Sometimes you have to take
that chance, give someone a shot at life, statistics be damned."

"Well, I can agree with you there. So, were your parents upset
when you switched?"

"By the time they finally found out about it, I had been down in
the E. R. for quite some time."

"You didn't tell them?"

"I think my Gamma told them. She's good at doing things like that.
She'll take anything I tell her and exaggerate it all out of
proportion when she tells my folks about it. Then they're all
upset when they call me to find out what's going on. They never
come right out and ask me how I'm doing, they just jump right in
and tell me how wrong I am to be doing what I'm doing, or living
where I'm living and so on. Then I'm stuck having to defend
myself. It gets old fast."

"At least they care."

"I don't need their kind of concern. Parents should be there for
their kids. They were there for Bobby throughout his entire
illness, then they took off. Sure, I got the monetary support.
Hell, I even had a trust fund. But, it doesn't take the place
of having your parents."

"It never does, does it? What I don't quite understand, John,
is with you feeling this way, why won't you talk to your father?
Why weren't you happy to see your mother?"

"Because they betrayed me, that's why!", Carter jumped up and
began to pace, rubbing his face with his hand, "They betrayed my
trust. They have constantly done that to me and this time I refuse
to put up with it!"

"What happened?"

"They hired a woman to get close to me and report back to them on
what was going on in my life. She was a patient. She had come
in with a broken toe. On a follow up visit, she more or less
asked me out. I was beginning to care about her. Then, on
Halloween, I found out what had been going on."

"That must have been very painful for you."

"Oh, yeah! It hurt. It still hurts. He wants to apologize for
what he did, but I'm not interested in hearing his worthless
apologies. He's only sorry that he was caught. And Mom, well,
she lets him get away with this stuff! She came here to talk to
me, to tell me how upset he was. She told me a lot of things,
things about her and Dad. Things that happened when Bobby died.
It's too tiring for her to fight him. She would rather see me
hurt then to fight him." He slumped down in the chair, near
tears. He had promised himself that he wouldn't cry over them
anymore. Damn!

McIntyre sat back and watched Carter cry, giving him time to
compose himself and grateful that he had opened up and told him
all this. He was very curious about what his mother had told him,
but he wasn't going to push his luck today.

"John, I think it says a lot about your mother that she left your
father behind and came here just to talk to you. She wouldn't do
that if she didn't love you or care about you."

"I know that!", Carter snapped, "Believe me, I really do know that!
But, it doesn't change things, does it? The damage is still done.
She can't remove herself from my life for almost twenty years and
then expect to be able to just walk right back in as if nothing
had ever happened! Neither one of them has the right to interfere
in my life. They gave up that right and they'll never get it
back. Never."

Carter stood, "Look, I've been here long enough. I've got work
to do."

McIntyre nodded, "I'll see you tomorrow at one p.m. Please don't
miss it."

"I'll try not to.", Carter left.

Hugh McIntyre stared at his hastily scribbled notes, wondering
where to go next with Carter. He was hurting and it was obvious
that he was still holding a lot of pain inside. He wondered if
it would be possible to get John's parents in for a session with
John. There was a lot that the Carter family needed to work
through. Carter needed to realize that his parents were mere
humans who were trying the best they could, just as everyone else
was. He needed to quit looking at them as some elusive dream or
as demons. They were neither. McIntyre was quite sure that the
Carters loved their son. He just needed to find some way to help
John realize that.



Later in the day, Carter found himself pounding the wall of the
lounge in frustration. Every single time that he thought Lucy
Knight was doing what she was supposed to do, she wasn't. Every
single time he thought they were getting along, they weren't. It
was driving him crazy. She was driving him crazy. Why wouldn't
she listen to him? He had worked hard to be a good doctor, so why
wouldn't she listen to him? Why wasn't she willing to learn? It
was bad enough when he was having to deal with only her, but now
Mark was yelling at him about Lucy. He had sat the both of them
down and told them to work through their problems. He might as
well be back upstairs in McIntyre's office. Work through their
problems indeed! Duct tape over Lucy's mouth might be more
constructive. Well, that was probably not a reasonable solution,
but it certainly had its merits. He even smiled at the image -
Lucy unable to talk back to him. Only able to listen and learn.

Feeling a little better, he exchanged his lab coat for his overcoat,
grabbed his bag and headed out.

"Good night, Dr. C.", Jerry waved at him.

"Good night, Jerry. I'll see you in the morning. Night, Lydia."

"Good night.", she replied.

At least things would be calm and quiet at Kerry's place. It
would be a nice change from the hectic day he had just finished.
He was almost to his Jeep when his cell phone rang.

"Hello?"

"John, did I catch you at a bad time?"

He made a face, "No, Mom. It's not a bad time. I thought you
would have gone back to Paris by now."

"I told you I was staying here. I know that it's already late,
but do you have any plans for dinner?"

"I just got off work and was heading home. Kerry usually has..."
he stopped himself from revealing to his mother that he was living
at Kerry's apartment. "I don't have any plans."

"Would you like to come over here and have dinner with me? It's
a little lonely over here."

"You're not alone, Mom.", he frowned. How could she be alone in
a house that had a live-in maid, a live-in butler, a live-in cook,
and a live-in gardener? How was it possible that a mountain girl
from North Carolina had reached the point where she couldn't talk
to the people she employed?

"I might as well be. Everyone around here has a routine
and I'm just in the way. I went to see Chase today. He asked
for you."

"How's he doing?"

"The doctors think that he should be released from the Institute.
They say they've done everything they can for him."

"Not that again. Every few months I get into it with Gamma over
this. I know that he's not improving by leaps and bounds, but he
is getting better. They just don't work with him often enough."

"Well, we can talk about it when you get here."

"Sure. I'll come right over. I cannot believe that they want
to discharge him."

"I'll see you in a little bit then. Drive safely, John."

"I will. Bye."

"Bye."

He hit the power button and frowned. Why would this have to come
up again? He got in his Jeep and dialed the apartment.

"Hello?'

"Kerry, it's John. How are you feeling?"

"Much better. Are you on your way home? We need to talk."

She sounded angry. Maybe it was a good thing that he was having
dinner with his mom, he thought. "Well, my Mom wants me to have
dinner with her, so I don't know when I'll be home. If you haven't
eaten yet, I can stop off somewhere and bring you something."

"That's not necessary. We'll talk when you get home."

"Okay. Bye."

"Bye."

His parents' house was as big as the one his grandparents owned.
But, while he felt at ease in his grandparents' house, he had never
felt at ease here. His mother had arranged for them to eat dinner
in the smaller dining room which contained a normal-sized table.
The cook was glad to see him and promised him that he would be
having a lot of his favorite foods.

Carter smiled at his mother, "You were pretty confident that I'd
come over, weren't you?"

"I tried to be."

"So, tell me what Gamma said about Chase."

"We can talk after dinner. I don't want you getting upset and
ruining your appetite."

"I won't ruin my appetite."

"John, every time you get upset, you can't eat. Sometimes, you
even get sick. I said that we'd discuss Chase after dinner and
we will."

Carter knew that he wasn't going to win this round with his
mother. She was right. Stress made him ill. Time for a new topic.

"Mom, can I ask you a legal question?"

"Sure."

"There's a doctor at work who is being forced to see a psychiatrist."

"When you say "forced", just how do you mean?"

"Well, he was told that if he didn't see the shrink, then he
wouldn't be allowed to continue to work in the E.R. Can they do
that? Keep him out of a department like that?"

"Well, why is he seeing the psychiatrist? I mean, if he's been
going around harassing people, or is a danger to himself or others,
then yes, I think the hospital would have grounds for that."

"He isn't any of those things. He just...got confused one day
and the next thing he knew, he was face to face with the shrink."

Jenny looked thoughtful, "Well, off hand, I would say that they
can't force him to attend counseling sessions. Of course, I don't
know hospital policy. There might be provisions that would allow
for that."

"So, he's trapped then, right?"

"I wouldn't say he was trapped, John. Therapy never hurt anyone."

"You said it didn't help you."

"I don't think anything would have helped me back then, baby.", she
put her fork down. "It has helped at other times though."

"You see a therapist?" He was shocked. He didn't think that his
family, well, his grandfather, thought highly of people who needed
psychiatric help.

"From time to time. I don't think a person can deal with your
father and grandfather and stay sane for long without having
someone to vent to. Seeing my therapist gives me a chance to say
how I really feel about things without me having to worry about
hurting anyone's feelings. You know, it might not be a bad idea
for you to try at least one session."

"I don't need to see a psychiatrist."

"I didn't say that you "needed" to, John. I just thought that it
might give you an opportunity to vent your frustrations."

"I'll think about it.", he said, wondering if she knew that he
was already seeing someone.

Jenny watched him eat, then nodded and returned to her meal. The
rest of dinner was spent discussing mundane and safe subjects.

After dinner, they went into the living room, where a fire blazed
in the fireplace. It did little to actually add any warmth to
the room.

Carter sat down on the sofa, "Okay, let's talk about Chase."

Jenny sat down in the arm chair across from him, "Well, as I said
on the phone, his doctors feel they've done as much as possible
for him."

"It's not as if they need an empty bed over there. As long as
we're willing to pay, they should let him stay."

"Your grandfather doesn't see any need in paying for something
that won't do any good."

"He wrote off Chase the minute he heard that he O.D.'d! All
grandfather wants to do is to stick him in some home and forget
about him."

"That's not true, John. Your grandparents plan to have Chase
live with them. He can be provided with twenty-four hour nursing
care and someone can come in to do therapy. No one intends to
just sweep Chase under the rug."

"Yeah, right. I'll believe that when I see it." There was no
way that he was going to trust his family as far as Chase's
welfare was concerned. "And just what do his parents have to
say about this?"

"They trust your grandparents to make the right choices for
Chase. So far, they haven't been wrong."

"Maybe they should think again.", Carter thought, remembering
all that Chase had been forced to give up so that he could
live the way his grandfather wanted.

Carter's thoughts were interrupted when he heard the sound of
footsteps in the foyer. His father walked into the room, a
smile upon his face.

Carter and his mother were on their feet in an instant.

Jenny rushed to her husband and gave him a hug and a kiss, "I
thought you weren't going to be here for another day or two."

"I was able to finish things up early, so I got a seat on the
Concorde and here I am.", he hugged his wife back, then regarded
his son.

"Hello, John."

Carter was feeling a mixture of emotions over the homecoming of
his father. He was feeling both hurt and angry with his mother
regarding her reasons for inviting him over for dinner. He
looked over at her, the anger winning over the hurt.

"You set me up! Asking me to come to dinner just so I'd be here
when he came home!"

Jenny shook her head, "No, Johnny. I had no idea that Roland
was coming back today."

"I wish I could trust you." He started to walk away from the
couch, heading for the doorway.

"John, sit down.", Roland ordered.

Carter glared at his father, "Haven't you ever heard of asking
someone to do something, Dad? All you ever do is give orders.
Well, I'm not following your orders any more!"

As Carter continued to head for the door, his father cut him off.
The two men faced each other; one angry and the other contrite.

"John, you're right. I shouldn't have told you to sit back down.
Don't go. I want to talk with you."

"Maybe some other time, Dad. I have to go home now."

"This is your home, John."

"This has never been my home! This is just a place where I was
allowed to stay. I hate this house. I always have."

"John, I want to apologize to you."

"Forget it, Dad. I'm not interested in hearing your apologies
right now. Now, please get out of my way. I need to go now."

Jenny had her hand over her mouth as she watched her husband and
son stare at each other. It was as if she were watching an old
movie of one of the many conflicts that had occurred between
Roland and his father. Finally, Roland stepped aside and John
walked on out. The two of them jumped as the front door
slammed behind their son.

Roland turned to his wife, a sadness in his eyes, "I've really
messed things up with him, haven't I?"

Jenny went to him and hugged him, "He's more hurt than angry."

"It didn't look that way to me. I'm sorry. I didn't know that
you had invited him over. But, when I pulled up and saw the Jeep,
I thought that you had been able to smooth things over with him."

"Roland, his hurt goes far deeper than what we pulled with Roxanne.
Much deeper. I don't think it's possible to 'smooth things over'
right now. We've neglected our son for far too long and we need
to stop now or we may lose him forever."

"I have worked hard to provide a decent life for us, Jenny. John
and Barbara went to the best boarding schools; they had the
universities of their choice. I put John through medical school.
He had everything that money could buy. How can you call that
neglect?"

She shook her head, "Roland, the one thing he wanted the most,
we never gave him. All he wanted was for us to be a family.
To be together. I believe it's what he wants most now."

"That's pretty childish of him, Jenny! He's a grown man and he
should be thinking about having a family of his own. Once he
does, he'll realize that he had it pretty good growing up."

Jenny sighed. Roland just didn't seem to understand what she
was trying to tell him. It had been a long time since he had
understood her feelings, so why was she expecting him to
understand John's?

Roland went over to the bar and poured himself a drink. "Would
you like something?"

"No. John and I just had dinner and I'm full.", she curled up
on the sofa.

Roland came over and sat down beside her, "So, did he happen
to give you an address for where he's living at now?"

"I didn't ask him for one."

"Why? Jenny, we need to know how to get in touch with him."

"He has a cell phone, Roland. That's how I got in touch with
him tonight."

"So you're telling me that you don't even have a phone number
for his new place?"

"That's exactly what I'm telling you."

"That's unacceptable. He just can't cut himself off completely
from his family. I was willing to allow him to give up his trust
fund. Hell, it even made me a little proud of him when he did
that. I always thought the trust fund was just a means for father to
keep his hooks in his grandchildren. But, I refuse to allow
John to cut himself off from us."

"What difference does it make? We're never here to see him."

"We do call him, dear."

"When we happen to remember him."

"That's not true and you know it!"

"Roland, most of the time, the reason we call John is because
Barbara asks us how he's doing and we don't have an answer for her."

"That doesn't mean that I don't think of him! He's my son.
Of course I think about him. But, I realize that he has his
own life."

"If you realize that, then why were you so hot on hiring someone
to spy on him?"

"'We' hired someone."

"No, you did the hiring. I just sat back while you put it all
into motion. I didn't like the idea. I thought you were wrong.
But, I didn't tell you. That was my mistake. Your mistake was
hiring someone."

"I think that we have the right to know how our son is doing, Jenny!"

"Then we should ask him, Roland!"

"We did. And all we got from him were vague answers. I wanted
the truth. You know that he wouldn't tell us if something was
really wrong. Look how long it took before he told us that he gave
up on being a surgeon? Hell, he never really told us." Roland
shook his head, then downed the rest of his bourbon. "I've given
him everything, and he owes me this much, Jenny. I don't think I'm
asking too much to ask him to be truthful and tell me how he's doing
and what's going on with his life! Now, I'm tired and I want to go
to bed. Are you coming?"

"No. I'll be up later."

"All right." He put his empty glass on the bar, then came back
and gave her a kiss goodnight.

"Shall I wait up for you?"

"No."

She felt a little guilty over how hurt he looked at that answer.
She very rarely refused his advances. Well, it was about
time that he got used to the fact that he wasn't going to be
getting everything his way from now on.

He finally nodded, "Wake me if you wish. Good night."

"Good night. I'm glad that you made it home early.", she
smiled up at him.

He smiled, "Me, too. Maybe tomorrow I can try to talk to
John again."

"That's a good idea. Just try to keep an open mind."

"I always keep an open mind, Jenny."

She watched him leave the room, wondering what happened to the
man she married. It had been a long time since she had seen that man
and she wasn't sure if he was ever going to return to her. She
knew she loved Roland Carter, she just wasn't sure if she wanted
to spend the rest of her life with him anymore.



By the time Carter arrived home, he was hoping and praying that
Kerry had gone to bed early because he didn't want to have to
talk to anyone else. He wasn't sure if he could trust his mother.
Was she being truthful when she said she didn't know if his Dad
was coming home tonight? He really didn't know. There was a
time, back before Halloween, when he would have trusted her
totally. Not now.

When he walked through the door, he saw that Kerry was busy in
the kitchen baking something that smelled terrific.

"I didn't expect you back so soon.", she said, not even
bothering to turn to look at him.

He put his coat in the closet, then walked into the kitchen,
"Dinner didn't take very long. How are you feeling?"

"I'm a little surprised that you would actually ask me
that, John."

"What is that supposed to mean?" He was getting tired of people
playing games with him.

"Well, this morning you decided that I was too "sick" to work.
I don't recall you asking me how I felt then!", she finally
turned to look at him and he could see the anger in her eyes.

"Kerry, you ignored your alarm when it went off. When
I tried to wake you up, you rolled over and told me to go away.
By then, I figured that you weren't going to be in any shape to
work today. I'm sorry if that offended you, but I did not just
arbitrarily decide that you should stay home! I certainly won't
make the mistake of being considerate of you again!"

He turned on his heel and headed for his bedroom, slamming the
door behind him.

Kerry leaned back against the sink, a little taken back by his
words and attitude. John Carter had never spoken back to her
like that. She wasn't sure that she liked it. Still, at least
it told her he wasn't walking on egg shells around her, afraid
to offend the boss lady. He obviously wanted their conversation
to come to an end, but there was still the matter of the pajamas
to discuss. She wiped her hands off, tossed the towel on the
counter and followed him to his room.

Carter lay atop his bedspread, the darkness of the room giving
him a slight sense of comfort. A soft tapping at his door told
him that his quest for solitude was futile.

"John? May I come in?"