Misconceptions
By Cathy Roberts
huntersglenn@yahoo.com

Michelle, this one's for you! :-)

Rating: PG
Timeline: AU. Season 7.

Disclaimer: "ER" and all its characters belong to Warner Bros. No infringement of their copyright is intended. This story was written for the enjoyment of "ER" fans everywhere, and may be downloaded for your own pleasure. However this story may not be used, distributed or archived without the permission of the author.

Author's Notes: A special thanks to Jim, Cimerene and Melissa for being my sounding boards for this story and for all their wonderful ideas. The term "DPDS" was coined by Melissa. "Having My Baby" was written by Paul Anka.



John Carter sagged against the building, wondering just why it was that he felt so exhausted. A few more steps and then he would be through the doors of the ambulance bay. He would be safe.

John pushed away from the building, then doubled over in pain as a cramp that surpassed all the others hit him. It hurt so bad that he couldn't manage to catch his breath. A red haze of pain filled his mind as cramp after cramp assailed him. John was vaguely aware of shouting, then hands lifting him up and onto a gurney. Familiar faces loomed above him as he was wheeled inside.

As he was being transferred from the gurney to a table in Trauma 1, John heard Kerry's voice. He was still doubled over from pain, but he lifted his head slightly and saw her coming toward him from Trauma 2. And Mark was right behind her, letting the doors close on the terrible screams coming out of that room. A gentle hand clasped his shoulder and John heard Luka's calm voice telling him that everything was going to be okay.

John shook his head. Couldn't they see that it could never be okay again? He wanted to say that to them, but the pain wouldn't let up. It wasn't until he heard Kerry and Mark talking to him, asking him why he was back at the hospital that he began to feel angry. Angry at them for sending him there in the first place.

"Get away from me," he hissed. "You sent me there. You let them do this to me." The pain was beginning to abate, but John's anger was only increasing. As was his fear. They weren't going to help him after all. Then he heard Peter Benton's voice as the man pushed his way into the room.

"Carter? What's going on, man?" Peter asked as he tenderly brushed his hand over John's hair.

"He's definitely altered and confused," Luka reported as he continued his exam. He instructed Chuny to draw blood for a CBC and other labs.

John reached out and grasped Peter's wrist. "Please get it out of me. Please?"

Peter looked confused. "Get what out of you, Carter?" He exchanged a worried look with the others.

"The creature. Please get it out. It's killing me." Carter rolled over on his back and the people in the room gasped. His belly was distended, his shirt taut across it. The skin under the shirt was rippling from the movement of the creature.

Lydia came in from Trauma 2. "Mark, we need you back in here."

"Just a minute," Mark answered. John vaguely heard Mark giving orders. "Get the ultrasound set up."

"Carter, what happened?" Peter asked.

"Get it out, please get it out," Carter repeated, his voice rising as he became more convinced that they were going to stand around and deny him help. "Please? Take it out of me!"

John began to cry even as he felt the sting of a needle.

"That should calm him down a bit," Kerry said.

"Jesus Christ!" Mark exclaimed.

"What?" several voices asked all at once.

"Get Coburn down here now!" Mark ordered. "The baby is too big."

"Get it out," John's voice was soft due to the Ativan he had been given, but he was still conscious enough to know that they saw what he already knew: He was pregnant and the fetus was developing far too quickly.

"John? What happened?" Kerry softly asked. She reached for his hand and clasped it tightly, letting him know that she was there for him.

John blinked hard, trying to stay awake as he told Kerry, and the rest of the staff in the room, that everything had been pretty much the way he had expected it when he arrived at the clinic with Benton. He signed a lot of paperwork, then had a physical and evaluation. Next came the de-tox, which was, much to his surprise, relatively short.

It was during his second week at the clinic when he began to notice that something wasn't quite right. The people who were out-patients didn't seem odd or different, but a few of the in-patients did. Women who complained of blackouts. Whispered stories of patients who had arrived and then disappeared. Patients who the staff claimed never arrived. John had brushed off the rumors and then he found himself being treated by a doctor he had not seen before. The man was intense and brusque and he performed an extensive physical on John, then told his nurse or assistant, John was never sure what it was the woman really did, that John was a perfect candidate for the program. John asked what program, confused since he was already in a rehab program. Doctor Luntz never answered him. Orderlies came to escort John back to his room, something that John found strange, but not alarming. Until he saw that they weren't going to his room. They were going down into the basement. He tried to run, to get away from them then, but he couldn't. They carried him the rest of the way, down a long corridor and through a thick door that slammed closed with a resounding thud that echoed in the stark room they had just entered. Luntz was there, waiting. John was taken into another room, this one with an exam table, and he was stripped, then strapped down. John fought against the restraints, afraid of being raped or worse. And the worse did happen. A sedative was injected, then he was given a shot of something else. After that, John could barely react as he watched Luntz prepare his abdomen for laproscopic surgery. But something was passed through one of the tubes. Then it was over and John was moved to a small cubicle.

After that, John was examined every morning and forced to eat healthy meals. But, except for his daily exams, he never left that cell.  He had a bed, a sink and a toilet. No mirrors. No clothing except for hospital gown. But the cubicle wasn't soundproof and John could hear the voices of other men who were being kept in similar cells. The missing in-patients from the rumors that John had heard. One guy, in the cell next to John's, shocked John one day when he told John that they were all subjects in a bizarre medical experiment being conducted to see if men could carry a baby to full term. John had laughed at that, but Gary assured him that it was true. They were all pregnant.

And then one day Gary wasn't there anymore. John tried to ask about Gary, find out how he was doing, but the orderlies wouldn't answer him. They never talked to him anyway, only smirked and laughed every time they came to escort him to the exam room. But at night John did pick up whispers from the other men that Gary had died. The baby had gotten too big and it damaged Gary's internal organs. That was when John began to form his escape plan. He had to get out of there and find a way to stop what was going on. Even more importantly, he had to get the fetus removed before it got too big. He had already seen the way his own belly was swelling and at times it was difficult to breathe. It took 42 weeks for a fetus to reach maturity, so he had plenty of time.

As the days passed though, John began to realize that he didn't have time. He was getting too big. His fetus was developing too quickly. One morning, when the nurse came to take him for his exam, John had been at the toilet, his gown pulled up. The nurse had been shocked at John's size and John took advantage of that shock by overpowering the man. Luckily, the man's pants had a drawstring waist, so they could fit. But the t-shirt was tight. Still, as John pulled on the man's shoes, it would have to do. He couldn't get to Chicago in a hospital gown, that was for sure. And John knew that he couldn't rest until he reached Chicago -- he couldn't trust the authorities in Atlanta, not if they could ignore the number of men reported missing from the clinic, or reported as never arriving in the first place. Grabbing the nurse's keyring, John made it out of the building and off the grounds.

John was about to tell them how he got to Chicago when Janet Coburn arrived. She looked disgusted when she saw that the patient she had been urgently paged to see was a man. "Why are you wasting my time..." she started to complain, but Mark was already calling her over to look at the monitor. "Dear God." She said.

And that was the last thing John heard as he gave up on trying to stay awake. When he opened his eyes again, he saw that he was now in an exam room, it looked like Exam One. Thankfully they hadn't put him in Curtain Three. He still felt betrayed that they had ambushed him in Curtain Three. It was bad enough that they had confronted him, but to do it in there had been the roughest part of it all.

The door opened and Benton walked in, smiling reassuringly.

"How are you feeling?" he asked as he pulled a chair up next to the bed.

"A little better. It's still in me, isn't it?"

Benton's smile wavered and John knew that the creature -- fetus -- whatever they wanted to call it, was still inside of him.

"You've got to take it out now, please?"

"Carter, I can't do that."

"My life is in danger. Half the time I can barely breathe right. It's hurting me all the time." John could feel his eyes beginning to tear. "I thought I could depend on you to help me, but I was wrong. You convinced me to go there. This is your fault." John turned his face away.

"Carter, man, don't say that. Please don't say that."

John looked back at Benton, his stare icy. "Get out. I don't want you near me. Not you, not Kerry or Mark. All of you sent me there and now look at me!"

Benton nodded. "We'll leave you alone, but you need to get some more rest.   Okay?"

John nodded, then closed his eyes. He did feel tired, but instead of sleep, all he found were dreams about what had happened in Curtain Three and that lab. Horrible dreams that drove him to the point of screaming. Luka and Malik burst through the door.

"Carter...John," Luka grabbed him by the shoulders, holding him steady. "It's all right."

John blinked hard, finally realizing he had been dreaming. "It all seemed so real."

"I know. I know. It will be all right. You just need to give it some time. Malik, everything's all right in here." Luka said as he took the seat that Benton had earlier vacated and Malik left.

"Just a dream?" John repeated.

"Just a dream," Luka confirmed.

John's hands strayed to his belly and he felt the rippling under the skin. Not all of it was a dream.

"It's not a dream. It's still in me. Doctor Kovac, I want it out of me."

Luka looked pensive, almost as if he were hesitant to speak. "John, I know this isn't my place, but you can't abort your baby."

"It's not a baby. It's a... a creature that's killing me."

"No, it's not. It's a baby, a gift from God. I know that this is all strange. Men don't get pregnant, can't get pregnant. There's nothing in our bodies for a placenta to attach to. But, somehow or another, it's happened with you. That's nothing short of a miracle, John. This little baby hasn't done anything to warrant being aborted. Even if you could never bring yourself to love him or her, doesn't the baby deserve the chance to live?"

John blinked back more tears, knowing in his heart that Luka was right. He was being selfish. What was a little bit of pain when a life was at stake? "Are you sure everything will be all right?"

Luka nodded. "We're going to keep a close eye on you, John. We won't let anything happen to you."

John smiled slightly. He hadn't really thought of it as a little person before. He had been too wrapped up in the horror of the experiment itself. His smile faded as another cramp hit him. "Jesus!" he gasped, grabbing his middle and curling into a tight ball. Everything hurt. His belly, his back. Everything.

"Try to take a deep breath, John. That's it." Luka talked him through the cramp, telling him ways to make the pain ease off.

"I can't take much more of that," John muttered.

"I know it hurts, but the pain will all be gone soon. You just need to be patient. Can you do that?"

John nodded. "I can. I will."

Luka smiled and patted the back of John's hand. "Good. It's going to be all right John. You just need to hold on, okay?"

Luka was about to leave when the door opened and Dave Malucci entered the room. "Benton said that I should see what I can do since Carter's kicking just about everyone else out of the room."

"John is doing fine and doesn't need you right now," Luka coolly replied.

Dave smiled at John, definitely curious to see what a pregnant man looked like, John thought.

"It's okay. Dave can stay."

"See?" Dave stepped around Luka and sat down.

"Don't say anything to upset him, Malucci. He's agreed to keep the baby."

Dave raised his eyebrows. "He has?"

Luka nodded. "He needs to remain calm. For the baby's sake and for his own well being. Don't upset him."

Dave slowly nodded. "Got it. I won't upset him. I promise."

"I'll be back in a little while, John."

"Doctor Kovac, thank you," John sincerely said.

"You're welcome." Luka left.

"So," Dave began. "I missed the story of how you got knock... how you ended up pregnant."

"It was horrible, Dave. Just horrible."

"I'll bet. You know you can confide in me, John. Right?"

John nodded. "You weren't one of the people who sent me down there. I wonder if they knew what would happen?"

"Uh, probably not. The Chief likes you. She wouldn't do anything to you."

"I don't know," John carefully replied. Maybe he really couldn't trust Dave. After all, he was always running around after Kerry, trying to kiss up to her and get on her good side.

"Tell me what happened and maybe we can figure out who's behind it? Okay?" Dave earnestly asked.

John thought about it for a moment or two, then nodded. He could at least trust Dave that far. He put his hand on his belly, feeling somewhat protective of his baby now. Then he began to tell the story again. Dave listened intently, asking a question every now and then, but not really interrupting too much. Finally John reached the part where he had struggled to get to the hospital, knowing he would be safe with his friends.

"You're right about that, John. You are safe here. We won't let anyone hurt you," Dave assured him.

"I was hoping I could trust them, but I don't know."

"Hey, you can trust me. And Kovac. We won't let anything happen to you. I promise you that, man. Okay?"

John could see that Dave was serious. "Thank you."

"Hey, you're welcome." Dave checked his watch. "I think I can grab you a dinner tray. Are you hungry?"

"A little. I didn't eat much on the trip here. I was afraid the baby would get too big. I think they were drugging the food back at the clinic."

"Well," Dave said, looking thoughtful, "I don't think you have to worry about that here. I'll grab a tray meant for someone else and that way you know it will be free of drugs and stuff."

"That's a good idea. Thanks, Dave." John smiled, glad that he had decided to come home after all.

"I'll be right back." Dave left the room, leaving John alone. John looked around, wondering how long he had been there. He knew he had fallen asleep twice since he reached the hospital, but he didn't know how long he slept each time. According to the clock, it was a little after five, but John wasn't sure which day it was anymore.

Dave returned a few minutes later, a tray in hand. "I have no idea what it is, but it smells edible." He put the tray on a table, then rolled it over to John.

John raised the head of the bed, then pulled the table towards his body, hoping that he wouldn't end up spilling a lot of the food since there was such a huge gap between his mouth and the food. His belly was in the way and John felt a surge of empathy for pregnant women around the world.

Dave took the covers off the food and John looked down at it suspiciously. "You're sure that it's safe?"

"I'm sure. Want me to try some of it?"

John thought that over, then shook his head. "No. That's not necessary. Dave, I was thinking about the baby."

"Oh? And?" Dave sat down.

"I don't think that I'm the father. Obviously, everything had been fertilized and all that before it was ever implanted in me. What if the real parents want the baby? I don't know if I can give it up, Dave." John wiped away the tears that he couldn't hold back. The idea of carrying the baby and then having to give him or her away was heartbreaking.

"You know, I think you're getting way ahead of yourself, John." Dave said, even though he looked anxious over the possibility. "You have no way of knowing who the father or mother really is, right? What are the chances that this doctor kept those kind of records?"

"Pretty low I guess."

"Right. I mean, he wouldn't have a reason to keep track of that. Hell, for all you know, he did use your sperm, so it's your baby anyway." Dave cleared his throat and looked away.

John looked down at his belly, running his hand over the bulge and feeling a little reassured by the answering movement from his baby. Then he frowned. "Do you think I'll have stretch marks?"

Dave burst out laughing. "Sorry. I know that's not funny. You know, John, I don't think you really need to worry about stretch marks."

"But, I'm so big already.  Look!" John lifted his gown up to show Dave just how swelled his belly had become.

Dave glanced over quickly. "You can put your gown back down. Uh, you know, I would think that if you were going to get stretch marks that you'd have them by now. Not that I'm an expert on that, but it seems reasonable to me."

"Haleh has kids. So do Lydia and Conni. Maybe I should ask them?"

"That's a good idea. You could pick their brains about baby stuff. They know a Hell of a lot more about it than I do."

"I'll do that. Whoa!" John sat up straight. "That was a rough kick."

"Really? I couldn't tell from over here." Dave replied.

"Do you want to feel him kicking?" John offered.

"Uh, no. That's all right." Dave grinned. "I'll pass on that for now. So, it's a boy, is it?"

"Well, not to sound sexist, but I don't think a girl can kick quite like that."

"You'd be surprised what a girl can do. I've known some who were pretty amazing when it came to leg strength."

"I hope it's not a girl. I wouldn't want to spend my whole life worrying about her meeting guys like you." John grinned.

The rest of John's evening was filled with him pestering Haleh and Conni with questions about their pregnancies. The women spent a lot of time with him, giving him advice based on their collective experiences. However, given his circumstances, they weren't quite sure how to advise him on what to expect when it came time to give birth. The general consensus seemed to be that the baby would have to be born via c-section, which then set John to worrying about having to undergo yet another surgery.

Finally, Luka ran everyone out of the room, then gave John a mild sedative to help him sleep. John wouldn't take it at first, worried about it hurting the baby, but Luka was able to assure him that the baby wouldn't be harmed. It was a big turn around from John's earlier insistence on getting rid of the baby.



John awoke, finding himself still in Exam One. He sat up, wondering what he was doing there of all places? Had he come in here to crash? No, he answered himself. He was in a hospital gown, not his clothes. The door opened and John looked up to see Luka walking in.

"Feeling better this morning?" Luka cheerfully asked.

"I'm feeling all right. A little confused though. What am I doing here?"

Luka sat down. "I'll tell you that after you answer a few questions for me. What's the last thing you remember?"

"Well, I had finished my shift and was on my way home. And then I woke up in here. Your turn now."

"You never made it to the parking garage. You turned around and came back, collapsing just outside the doors. You were having an adverse reaction to the anti-depressant you've been taking."

"The Trazodone? I didn't have any trouble with it the day before."

"Well, it had trouble with you. You were delusional, suffering from hallucinations and paranoia. You wouldn't let Benton, Mark or Kerry near you."

"I'm so sorry. God, I feel really embarrassed right now."

Luka cleared his throat. "You have nothing to feel sorry about, but I haven't told you the worst of it..."

Dave pushed the door open and walked in. "Hey, how's the baby doing today?"

"Baby?" John asked.

"He's back to normal," Luka said.

Dave grinned hugely. "Great. Man, I still can't believe that you actually believed you were pregnant."

"I what?"

"I hadn't told him that part, yet, Malucci. Don't you have something else to do?" Luka asked pointedly.

"Not really. I can hang around. After all, how many other docs do you have around here who are so knowledgeable about DPDS?"

"DPDS?" Luka asked.

"Yeah, you know, 'Delusional Pregnant Doctor Syndrome.'"

"Get out," Luka growled. "I think I hear Kerry calling for you."

"I'll catch you later, John." Dave said as he opened the door. As he left, John could have sworn that Dave was laughing.

"Pregnant?" John asked, feeling very confused.

"Yes. When we brought you into the trauma room, Mark and Kerry were working on a MVA victim in the other trauma
room. She was pregnant and had gone into labor. DeRaad thinks that you saw her and that implanted the idea in your mind. You were pretty upset about it, too."

"I can imagine so."

"You kept asking us to get it out of you, and we could see that the idea of being pregnant was making you even more agitated. DeRaad advised us to go along with whatever you said, since that would keep you calm."

"Wait a minute. I remember you saying something about me keeping the baby? You were talking me into having it, right?" John had never felt so embarrassed in his life. He knew his face had to be beet red, but he still thought it was best to know exactly what he said and did. That way there wouldn't be any surprises later.

Luka cleared his throat. "That's right. I thought that if you wanted the baby, then you would not be as upset.  It did calm you down."

"Pregnant." John softly repeated. He closed his eyes, hoping and praying that Luka wouldn't tell him more. Still, he couldn't keep from asking. "You said I wouldn't let Mark, Kerry or Benton near me? Why? Did I think that one of them, well..."

"You blamed them for your condition. Apparently, you thought you had been impregnated as a part of a medical experiment at the clinic in Atlanta. You blamed them because they sent you there."

"Why would I think that?" John asked, incredulous.

Luka shrugged. "I have no idea where that particular idea came from, but you believed it. You even thought that you had escaped from there. Malucci and I were the only doctors that you would let come near you."

"Malucci... God, I can't believe I actually said that stuff in front of him. He'll never let me live this down."

"It won't be that bad. Everyone knows that you were having a bad reaction to your medication. They won't laugh at you."  Luka reassured him.

John rolled his eyes. "Doctor Kovac, I've worked with some of these people for over six years. They'll laugh, and they'll laugh hard."

Luka grinned, "Maybe a little. But, not much. And I don't think Malucci will do or say much. He knows better."

"So, what happens now? Can I go back to work?"

"No. You should go home and get some more rest. Now that all of the medicine is out of your system there isn't a risk of you having any further hallucinations or delusions. Go home, get a good rest, and we'll see you in the morning." Luka got to his feet and headed toward the door.

"Just like that?"

"Just like that. Unless you have any specific physical complaints?"

John shook his head. "No.  I feel fine. Just stupid."

"That will pass. Your clothes are in the bag by the bed."

"Thanks." John waited until Luka left and then he began to get dressed. While he knew that Luka was right about him having hallucinations and being delusional, he couldn't keep from placing his hand over his stomach. It was flat. Just the way it should be, although it did feel a little tender. Still, how could he ever have imagined that he was pregnant?



When John left the exam room, he saw a small group standing around the admit desk. The first thought that came to mind was how glad he was that Jerry was no longer working in the ER. Jerry would have ridden him unmercifully over this episode.

Kerry turned away from the desk and walked over to him. "Luka told me that you're feeling better."

"Yes. I'm sorry I kicked you out and didn't trust you."

She smiled gently at him. "Don't worry about it. You weren't yourself."

"Hey, Carter, did you still want to borrow my book on childbirth?" Conni asked, a big smile on her face.

"I think I'll pass on that right now. Thanks for offering it," John said, his embarrassment returning.

"Don't mind them," Kerry said. "They'll forget all about this in a few days."

John merely stared down at her, giving his head a slight shake.

Kerry laughed. "Okay, they won't be forgetting about this any time soon, but they will forget about it. I know that Malucci will do or say something that will make this old news."

"You're probably right about that."

"Are you on your way home now?" Peter asked as he approached them.

John nodded. "I'm going to try it again."

"I'll walk out with you. I'm on my way home, too." Peter said.

As they passed the desk, they heard someone shushing the others and then the radio was turned up a bit.

"This is a special request. Can't say I understand it and I'm not sure I want to, but here goes. To John, with fond memories, from Dave." The announcer quit talking and then the area was filled with the sound of Paul Anka singing, "You're having my baby, what a wonderful way to tell me how much you love me..."

"Cute, Malucci, real cute," John muttered as he walked out the doors.

Dave shrugged, a big grin on his face. "See you tomorrow."

In Exam Two a baby began to wail, his cries letting the world know that he was hungry.

The End.