Vows and Promises
Part Nineteen
By Susan
lilichild@aol.com

TIMELINE: Post "May Day" Summer before Season 7
SPOILERS: Actually yeah, If you haven't seen "The Visit" yet, or the whole K/K thing. No spoilers for eps that didn't air in the US yet. I don't read spoilers, as everyone knows
ARCHIVE: Feel free to download this. As for archiving, give me credit (obviously), and just let me know where.

DISCLAIMER: If I owned the characters, I wouldn't be writing this and I would be able to pay my tuition bills. I have no money, suing me is a waste of time

DEDICATION: This part is in memory of Leyla. My friend in Carterholism and one of the most talented fic writers I've ever seen. She encouraged me to begin writing and after months I finally took her up on the offer. If it wasn't for her (and of course the rest of the wonderful chatters who encourage me) this fic would have never have been written. My thoughts are with her family and friends, and I'm sure she's somewhere with her own Carter.

NOTE: Thanks everyone for the feedback, and yeah, I know this part is early compared to how I've been writing recently, but that damn muse is standing next to me with a gun to my head <g>. Feedback is always welcome, please let me know someone's reading this...



She pressed the elevator button. Her mind was spinning. She couldn't believe he had told her to go talk to psych. She really couldn't believe she had agreed to it. She never voluntarily submitted to anyone, and she wouldn't quickly cave in to a suggestion by Mark. Then again, it was rare to see Mark have this much of a spine. She really had to admit that beneath it all, seeing Mark Greene stand up for something was admirable. Actually she didn't know how to react to the new Mark Greene with a backbone. So, she figured she'd just say yes, go once and get it over with and Mark Greene off her back. Though she was touched that he cared, she still felt like her concern was coming from an area of concern for patients and not really as a "friend".

She missed Jeanie. Jeanie was the only one she'd been able to confide in. It wasn't like they fought or anything, but after Jeanie left County they just... drifted away. The calls were rare, even in the beginning, and they hadn't talked in months. Their only contact was occasional cards with pictures of Carlos, but even those had stopped coming after a while. She was really envious of Mark. No, she didn't want to be like Mark. Yet, Mark and Doug still had this amazing bond, they lived over a thousand miles away and they still talked. Doug had even invited Mark to be his best man at his wedding. Kerry didn't have anyone like that. If I ever got married, I wouldn't even have a good friend to be maid-of-honor, she thought darkly. Even they still talked to Susan Lewis, after Susan moved across the country. It seemed the four of them were so close, even now. It reminded her of her first days at County. Then as now she was the outsider of the group.

Hell, even Carter was accepted into the group. He'd overheard Mark on the phone with Doug talking about how Doug had wanted Carter to be an usher in the wedding. She hadn't heard anymore about it, though. She wanted to call Carter, but she couldn't help but cry every time she talked to him. She kept telling herself she wouldn't. Then she'd hear his voice coming across the line. She'd hear the pain in it and the anger, and the exhaustion. How could she have missed seeing it in person, when she could so evidently hear it in his voice on the phone? She lived with him, she knew his morning habits, the way he liked his cereal. She knew him in the way one can only know someone from living with them... and she didn't see it. How could she not see it?

Mark had an excuse, his father was dying. She didn't have one. It was bad enough the way she threw him out of her house. She didn't want to, but she felt she had to. She used her promotion as an excuse. Really though, an excuse was all it was. As much as she loved having Carter in her basement, she felt some compelling urge to get him out. She couldn't explain it then, she can't explain it now.

The doors whooshed open and she found herself upstairs. She walked toward the reception desk. A petite brunette in a brown suit looked up at her. It's now or never, Kerry thought and crutched toward her.

"Can I help you?" The brunette chirped. Kerry decided then and there that the receptionist was far too perky.

"Yes, I'm hear to see Dr. Legaspi" Should I say who I am? Kerry wondered, or do they know I'm coming. Then again, it's on my lab coat, so they should know me. Get a grip on yourself Kerry, she admonished herself.

"Second door on the right, she's waiting for you" The receptionist perked while pointing Kerry in the direction of the office.

Kerry nodded and crutched down the hall. She steeled herself. Just because she had to talk to someone didn't mean she had to spill everything. She wasn't ready to spill anything.