Vows and Promises
Part Eleven
By Susan
lilichild@aol.com

ARCHIVE: Sure, just tell me where
TIMELINE: Well, this part takes place in the summer before season 7 and goes from there, the other parts will take place later, it’ll make more sense once you read the fic.
SPOILERS: I don’t read ‘em. You shouldn’t either J That said, anything that I didn’t beyond the latest aired episode is pure speculation.
DISCLAIMER: The story is mine, the characters aren’t. They belong to Warner Brothers, don’t waste your time suing, I have no money
NOTE: This is part one of a series and is my first fic, be kind J Comments welcome
PREVIOUSLY: Doug and Carol got engaged (yes, again), and decided upon a post Thanksgiving wedding at the house in Seattle. Doug called Mark to share the good news and asked him to be his best man. Mark accepted, Chuni, Haleh, and Conni overheard and put two and two together so to speak and asked if they were right in their assumption. Mark told them yes, and the three nearly knocked him over hugging.
PREVIOUSLY: Doug and Carol became engaged “again”. They planned a post Thanksgiving wedding and the list of attendants became rather large. Susan Lewis was to be maid of honor and Mark best man.
NOTE: I assume that the characters talk to each other after someone moves, unlike ER. This is a back story for season 7.
PREVIOUSLY: Did I mention, I hate to recap things? This is also part 11 of what will probably be a really long fic. Out of laziness, I’m just going to stop recapping.

ATLANTA 

He laid on his bed weeping. God, he was such an ass! Doug and Carol, two wonderful people call him to share their good news and even consider him enough of a friend to ask him to be in their wedding and he snaps at them. What the hell is wrong with me? Carter wondered. He considered calling Carol that second, calling and apologizing for his awful behavior. He wanted to call and tell her that he would be honored to be an usher in their wedding, if they’d have him. He felt like a jerk.

And damn it, as much as he hated to admit it. He wanted something and he wanted it now. He disgusted himself. He wished he didn’t want it, but as much as he wanted to breathe, he wanted drugs. He wanted it more than breathing actually, he wouldn’t care if he was breathing as long as he got something. He’d been wanting it all day, the cravings wouldn’t stop. Then, with the way he acted with Doug and Carol he wanted it more. He wanted to tell Carol everything. Something inside him said she’d understand. Yet, he found himself pushing her away. One of the counselors had told him in a session that he pushes away those he knows he needs most. Carter didn’t believe it at the time. Now he did. Of course, that did nothing to the wanting. He still wanted something – badly.

He got up and began to pace around the room. A civil war was going on in his mind. One side was telling him to just give in, that he couldn’t fight it. He needed it and there was no way to stop the needing. The other side was quietly telling him to hold on, to wait it out, to fight the urge. Carter didn’t know which side to listen to. He did know that he had just offended two wonderful people who care about him a lot.

There was a knock on his door then and the door opened.

“Dr. Carter?” Loretta said in a cautious voice. Carter couldn’t blame her after all she had just witnessed him yelling at the top of his lungs at Doug and Carol.

“Yes” Carter responded

“You have a phone call” Loretta began down the hall to the desk again.

“Is it Carol?” Carter asked hopefully. Maybe Carol would forgive him for being such a jerk.

“No” Loretta responded. They reached the desk and Loretta handed him the phone and reminded him “ten minutes”

“Right” Carter said “Hello?”

“Hey, Carter” Peter’s voice came through the phone. Carter was surprised Peter usually didn’t call this late.

“Hi, Peter” He said with as much as enthusiasm as he could muster

“What’s up?” Peter asked, knowing full well that Carter had gotten into a fight with Doug and Carol on the phone and probably felt horrible about it by now.

“Who told you?” Carter asked back, knowing that Benton knew by now what had happened earlier.

“Carter, what do you mean, man?” Benton inquired “I was just calling to see how you are”

“You’re full of it” Carter said, starting to get angry again “Did Carol call you?”

“Carter, man calm down” Benton replied “Why would Carol call me?”

“You know why” Carter responded simply, remembering that he probably had driven Carol to call Benton

“Carter, man don’t play games with me” Benton warned

“Okay fine, I yelled at Doug and Carol and made a complete ass out of myself” His voice rising “Are you happy?”

“Why the hell would that make me happy?” Benton responded trying to keep his voice level. He hated dealing with Carter when Carter was in this mood. Before Carter had been stabbed, Benton didn’t even know that this mood existed.

“I..” Carter trailed off, at a loss for words.

“So you wanna tell me why you yelled at Doug and Carol?” Benton asked

“I don’t.. I don’t know” Carter stammered “One minute they’re asking me to be an usher in their wedding, the next I’m yelling about drug screens and searches and that I don’t want their pity.”

Benton heard what Carter said, but beyond that he heard the closeness to tears in Carter’s voice. He figured Carter had already been crying and was close to it again. Sure enough, he could make out Carter’s faint sobs through the phone. He wished he was there to comfort him. This was the worst part of calling Carter at rehab, Carter would cry or scream and Benton could only talk to him. And most of the time he just didn’t know what to say.

“Carter, man, it’s okay” Benton tried to be as soothing as possible. Poor bastard, he thought.

“No!” Carter exclaimed through sobs “It’s not! I don’t even know how to act like a normal person anymore”

“Carter” Benton began trying to find the right words. Damn, Benton thought, he was never good at this. “You’ll get through this”

“I can’t even handle two of my friends asking me to be in damn wedding with out yelling stupid stuff at them” Carter muttered.

“Carter, you’re upset.” Benton told him “Relax, Doug and Carol will understand”

At this Carter began to sob again.

“Shh… Shhh… Carter” Benton comforted him “It’s okay, man. It’ll be okay”

“1 minute” Loretta warned

“I have to go” Carter managed to say into the phone.

“Okay, man” Benton replied “You’ll be okay, man. You can do this Carter” The familiar words that Benton had told Carter when he took him to rehab and he ended every conversation with, calmed Carter more than all the gentle sounds in the world.

“Thank you” He managed to squeak out. “Bye”

After he hung up he looked up to watch Loretta staring intensly at him.

“Are you okay, Dr. Carter?” She asked handing him a tissue.

Carter realized she probably thought he was nutty, in the span of less than an hour she’d seen him yell, congratulate people, yell some more, and now cry.

“I will be” Carter promised. “Can I make one more call?”

“Sure” Loretta responded “Where to?”

“Seattle, here’s the number”