When I Saw You
Part Five
By Aeris Jade Orion
aerisjade@worldnet.att.net

Rating: NC-17
Pairing: KW/EC
Beta Reader: Scotty Welles. Thank you for all the hard work you've put into helping me. If it wasn't for you these last two parts would probably make as much sense as Bajoran.....

Disclaimer: Old Mc Warner had a studio e-i-e-i-o, on this lot he had show e-i-e-i-o, and this show belong's to him.......



Jasmine ground her teeth together; Romano was turning out to be harder to manipulate than she'd originally thought. Nevertheless, she was determined to make this work, one way or another.

She slowly began to walk towards the elevators, a plan already forming. He might not have a problem with their relationship, but there was one thing he wouldn't be able to let go...



Kerry sipped at the lukewarm coffee and stared at the open chart. She didn't like the idea of Elizabeth knowing the details of her past, but last night she had accidentally given some of it away. Now there was a suspicion in Elizabeth's eyes that worried her. It wouldn't be much longer before Elizabeth finally came out and asked her about the pills and the scars.

"You okay?" The surgeon asked with a warm smile.

Kerry hadn't noticed Elizabeth slide into the seat across from her. Telling Elizabeth was not an option for her, but she also didn't want her to find out through some other source. "Fine...I thought you were on call."

Elizabeth felt the reserve in Kerry's voice and resigned herself to a conversation without endearments. "I'm on break..." she said. Then, knowing she had to broach the subject sooner or later, "What exactly do you know about Tain?"

Kerry turned her full attention to the table and started to silently recite the bones in alphabetical order. Jasmine was a sore point with Elizabeth, and Kerry didn't want to get into an argument about it. As much as she enjoyed having Elizabeth for a lover, it often seemed like the tall surgeon wasn't happy without constant reassurance that Kerry wanted her. Years of self-reliance had made her emotional barriers harder to pierce. "She's been a close friend through some hard times," Kerry replied, unable to keep the defensive tone from her voice.

"Kerry," Elizabeth said slowly, "she told Robert about us."

The shorter woman let out a sigh. That figured. Jasmine had never been a good loser. Kerry had seen many occasions that the sweet-dispositioned woman had done a complete about face in attitude over the loss of a lover. She'd discovered that the hard way the summer after Nicole's death. "I'll talk to her about it."

Kerry saw the doubt on Elizabeth's face and didn't blame her. The surgeon could only see the bad in Jasmine. She wasn't the one that Jasmine had helped after the death of her lover, or she'd had to depend on her last year of med school. When Jasmine got what she wanted, she could be quite generous; it was only when thwarted that her cruel streak came out.

"I checked the bottle of hydromorphone...."

Kerry took another sip of her coffee, trying to buy time. She was being cornered and she hated the growing sense of helplessness. Of course she could lie and say she'd miss read the bottle, but Elizabeth knew she was methodically efficient. She tightly cradled the warm mug in her hands, searching for some way out. Perhaps Malucci would come bursting in the room complaining and whining about the dress code she was thinking about instating, or...

"Kerry?"

She turned her eyes to the chart resting in front of her trying to block out the relentless pleading eyes that stared at her. A small breeze wrapped around her and she could almost sense Nicole's presence. It's all right, it seemed to say. This one won't hurt you, any more than I would.

"I had a small problem with painkillers in the past," she admitted softly.

Silence. That couldn't be a good thing. Kerry glanced up, taking in the sight of Elizabeth's reassuring smile. No judgment or hate visible. Now if she could just be sure she wouldn't tell anyone else.

They regarded each other silently. Then Elizabeth took Kerry's hand in both of hers. "I know this doesn't come easily for you. Trusting someone."

Kerry let the warmth of Elizabeth's hands soak into her own. "You have no idea," she said, with a quiet smile.

She'd admitted her deepest secret to Elizabeth, and the world hadn't crumbled. Maybe things would work out between them after all...



The figure happily walked over to the series of boxes. Each one marked with a name. Benton, Corday, Jenkins...Romano. Whistling softly she slid the note into his box and continued down the hall. All she had to do now was wait.



Robert slapped the pile of mail onto his desk. It had been a long trying day. With Tain's cold anger towards both him and Elizabeth. The humorous surgeries that seemed to up since earlier that morning, not to mention the boards demands to see all ER financial records for the last year.

The gentle flap of white floating off his desk caught his eye. His hand shot out and grabbed it not really wanting to deal with whatever it was. Taking in the writing with a quick glance he went numb, slowly sitting in his chair.

"Damn..."



Kerry closed her locker, thankful that the day was finally over. Her leg was still hurting, but now it was just the normal throbbing that constantly reminded her of her own weakness. That much she knew she could handle. Especially since she was going to see Elizabeth tonight. That always helped banish the pain, at least for a while.

It wasn't just the sex, either, as terrific as that was. She'd had that with Jasmine, and a few others. But when Elizabeth held her, it was something more. Something she hadn't felt since Nicole died. A feeling of complete acceptance. The thought made her smile to herself...

Leaning onto her crutch for its support, she turned, surprised to see a grim Robert just inside the lounge. "Hello, Robert. Come to help the little people?"

Her tight smile faded as he walked over to her, ignoring her chide.

She had come to expect the verbal duels between them. In a way it was a replacement for the relationship she had with Doug. Something she enjoyed on some level. Always trying to outsmart the other. One demanding obedience while the other demanded humanity. "What's wrong?"

Robert silently handed her the note, watching her carefully as she read the stinging words.

Her eyes froze on the signature. Unable to stop the flood of disbelief and extreme betrayal. She'd sworn not to tell anyone else, confessed her love for her. And now...

"Is it true?" Robert asked her without preamble.

"Yes." Her own voice seemed to be detached from the rest of her.

Robert pursed his lips together with resolution. "I won't ask how you managed to keep something like that off your record, but this changes things. I can't have someone who's a liability as my Chief of emergency services."

"Robert, I am not a liability," she protested automatically, but her heart wasn't in it, and she knew she didn't sound very convincing. She was still occupied with the betrayal by someone who claimed to love her. "I've been clean since med school."

"Maybe, but I can't take any chances. I'm appointing Dr. Kovac to take over your duties until I've reached a decision." Robert hesitated a moment. "You have a number of sick days left..."

Kerry nodded mutely, unwilling to respond. In one moment she had lost everything. All her work, all her sacrifices were for nothing. It didn't matter whether he'd made a decision yet or not. He wasn't about to keep her on as chief after this.

He had wanted to fire Carter over the same thing only a couple of weeks earlier. A young resident that had been a model doctor, a gentleman with everyone. A man who'd been well spoken and loved by the people around him.

So why wouldn't Robert take her life from her? A woman who no one liked. Who's whole purpose in life was to enforce the rules that everyone hated. The doctor who then turned around and disregarded those same rules.

Kerry crushed the note in her left fist, feeling the whole world crushing down on her. It was her own fault. She never should have trusted her, never should have let her in her life.



Elizabeth closed her locker. If she hurried she could get to Kerry's in time for dinner. Kerry was finally starting to trust her, even if that trust was given grudgingly. There was so much about her she didn't know, a characteristic that made Kerry that much more interesting.

It still amazed Elizabeth how powerfully Kerry affected her. They'd worked together for years, and all that time, just under the surface, was a woman capable of capturing Elizabeth's heart. Her body ached sometimes, just thinking about the fact that she was in love with another woman.

She turned as she heard the locker room door open. Her smile widened as she saw who it was. "I was just thinking of you," she began with delight. It lasted only a moment.

Kerry's entrance reminded her of the time she'd caught Doug playing doctor with the temp a couple of years back. Her posture rigid and confrontational. Anger the only emotion visible. "I'm sure you were," she stated.

"What?"

"Thinking of me. And writing about me."

Elizabeth shook her head, perplexed. The intensity of Kerry's stare scrambled her ability to think or react reasonably. "What are you...?"

The shorter redhead advanced on her, suddenly, and Elizabeth took a reflexive step back, as though Kerry was going to strike her. The metal lockers behind her brought her to an abrupt halt as Kerry stepped close with cold fury in her eyes.

She flinched as Kerry grabbed her hand and slammed a ball of paper into it. "Congratulations," she grated. "You just destroyed my life."

Elizabeth let out an involuntary gasp at the hatefully spit-out words. By the time she had come up with a reply, Kerry had already stormed back out the door.

What just happened, she asked herself. What could have turned the love in Kerry's eyes to hatred so quickly and completely?

She smoothed out the wade of paper, immediately seeing what had Kerry so worked up. Oh my god...



Kerry stormed through the ER, pausing just long enough to inform Mark she'd been put on enforced vacation until further notice, but not long enough for him to reply. She ignored everyone else as she changed into her coat and headed for her car. Well, almost everyone.

"Tag," she said to Luka Kovac, "You're 'It'."

Luka glanced at her departing form, utterly confused. Before he could go after her to ask her what she meant, Randi informed him that Dr. Romano wanted to see him right away...



Kerry dodged through traffic, breaking several speed laws in her anger, and finally was forced to a halt by a red light. She simmered, gripping the wheel, and fumed as the light stayed red for what seemed like forever. When it finally turned green, it was like a signal to her deepest feelings, and instead of driving forward, she pounded the dashboard and let out a scream of rage and despair that had been building for years.

When it died in her throat, she leaned her head on the wheel and tried to control herself, ignoring the green light. Cars honked as they drove around hers, but she didn't hear them. The light was red againby the time she looked up.

How could she do this to me, Nikki? She addressed the silent question to her old love, as she often did in times of stress. I can't believe Elizabeth would betray me like that.

If Nicole had a response, Kerry didn't hear it.

It was so unlike Elizabeth to betray a confidence that way. And even if Kerry had given her reason to think it was a medical necessity, she would have been up-front and honest about it, rather than smiling to her face while passing notes to Romano. That was the sort of underhanded sneakiness she'd expect from someone like...

Someone like...

Oh, wait. Oh no, now it made sense.

Who else knew about her former problems with painkillers? Who had been angry with her lately?

But that note was on Elizabeth's prescription pad. It had Elizabeth's signature.

But Elizabeth wouldn't do that. This thought came to her, and she knew it immediately to be true.

So who else...?

Horns honked at her again, and she realized the light had turned green again. She waved at them to drive around her car, ignoring the upraised fingers of the other drivers.

Now Kerry knew exactly who had betrayed her to Romano. She had no proof, but she knew, instinctively, down in her soul. Her first thought was to turn the steering wheel sharply and drive back to County, but she changed her mind almost immediately. It didn't matter who wrote the note, Romano still had reasonable grounds for taking action against her. That was the first issue she had to address. She'd been reacting without thinking too much, lately.

Kerry stepped on the gas, making it through the yellow light, and headed for home, and the confidential files in her study...



Aeris Jade Orion
AIM: Aeris Jade
ICQ: 51496263
AT&T/Pow-Wow: Jade
Pow-Wow Community: Orion

Web Site: www.geocities.com/aeris3996

" This act hasn't been seen in 20 years, and if i'm any judge of talent it will never be seen again."
- Theres no business, like show business