Title: Never Let You Go

Summary: Liz steps out of Max’s life to let him fulfill his destiny, but is that what they both want?

Background: This is a post-Destiny fic that I wrote before seeing Destiny.

Author: Anne

E-mail: dreambehr@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: Actually you know what? They are mine. I own them. In my ideal fantasy world, when I go upstairs Max will be lying in my bed. But it’s all just one big wild fantasy that doesn’t really exist. But the WB and Jason Katims and Melinda Metz have given me a very happy fantasy world! Lol! Music: Here With Me by Dido; Full of Grace by Sarah McLachlan, and Lucky by Bif Naked. Guess what? I don’t own them either!

Part 1: Max’s POV: I Cannot Be

I could feel hands holding me back, preventing me from chasing the most important thing in the world to me. "Let her go, Maxwell. You’ve gotta let her go."

So I stood there, watching, as the only woman I would ever, could ever love rushed away from me. She paused, and I could see her body shaking violently as the sobs racked through her body. I couldn’t see her face, but it appeared clearly in my mind at that moment, her usually vibrant eyes screaming pain and loss at me. I could feel her usually soft, silky cheeks, sticky with the tears which were already beginning to dry, as if they were my own. I could feel our hearts, as they simultaneously broke into a million pieces, as though they were one.

It was wrong! All of this was wrong! I’m meant to be with Liz, not Tess. Just Liz… Liz owns my heart, Liz knows me better than anyone else. Liz is my other half. Without Liz I’m nothing. I love Liz! Not Tess…never Tess.

I felt stung, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t think. My mind just kept addressing the fact that I lost Liz…. How did that happen? We were so happy…so together. The van…

I didn’t know this much pain was possible.

Somewhere inside of me, my brain registered the fact that I was moving. Michael and Isabel had helped me into the jeep, and we were heading home to Roswell. Yes…Roswell. Roswell was home. Whatever was out there…the planet, the war…that wasn’t his home. Home was wherever Liz was. And that was Roswell.

Liz…oh God! Liz… The pain began to flare up inside of me again.

My mind registered the fact that the jeep had stopped, and they were trying to get me into the house. I followed. What else was I supposed to do?

Isabel was shaking me. "Max! Max! You’ve got to snap out of it. Mom and Dad are going to have questions. You haven’t been home in three days. Have you even thought about what you’re going to tell them?"

"It doesn’t matter." I mumble. My voice sounds dead. I’m dead… Without Liz is life even worth living?

The door opened, and Mom was there in front of me, pulling me against her in a tight hug. My real mother, but still not my real mother…at the same time. How is that possible?

She was crying, I suddenly realized. Why am I not crying? I should be crying. My entire world has just fallen apart. I’ve never known that this kind of pain existed. But I can’t cry…

She’s speaking at me. I try to focus on her so that the words will register.

"…you been? Max? Where were you? We were so scared!" She pulled away from me and I could feel her eyes searching mine out for answers. I allowed myself to meet her eyes briefly, and saw her recoil back in shock, probably at the complete devastation that I knew lay there. I was dead…and she saw it in my eyes.

I dragged my eyes away from hers…anywhere but hers. I didn’t want her to see anymore of what lay there. In the past three days I had been kidnapped, tortured, almost killed, given my life back, and that just to have it taken away just as quickly. No one should have to endure that all at once…but I was.

My eyes fell on the couch in the living room, and I pushed past her, and stumbled towards it.

Suddenly, I was exhausted. Every muscle in my body ached with the same intensity that I felt in my heart.

I collapsed on the couch, and let my head fall back against a pillow.

I closed my eyes, but quickly ripped them open again at the sight which was stuck in my mind. Liz leaving me, Liz running away. It was burned in my mind’s eye…a constant reminder of what I was. I hate myself at the moment. If I were human, Liz wouldn’t be hurting, crying somewhere.

If I were human Liz would be dead. The logical part of my brain reminded me that, and I sighed in frustration. It didn’t help…

"Liz…" I whispered her name aloud, as if calling her would bring her back to me. It didn’t. I knew it wouldn’t, but it was worth a try. I whimpered slightly in anguish before falling silent once more, my eyes staring off into nothingness.

I could hear them whispering across the room about me.

"Isabel, what’s wrong with him? I’ve never seen him like this before! Where was he? What happened to him?"

What happened to me? Isn’t it fairly obvious? I lost…everything.

"I don’t know, mom. He won’t talk to anyone."

My mother…my real mother? Or not? She turns back to me. "Max, honey? Please tell me where you’ve been? What happened to you?"

"It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters anymore."

Hours slipped by, and I didn’t move. I couldn’t drag myself away from that spot on the couch. It was late…day had become night, and everyone else had gone to bed, but I just lay there, my eyes centered on a spot on the ceiling, my mind reeling from the events of the day.

Liz…she’s all that matters. My whole world, my whole life… Without her, I’m nothing. I need her…

I curse myself for letting her run away. Why did I let Michael hold me back? Why? She’s my life…the meaning of my existence…my destiny, and I just stood there and watched as she walked out of my life.

Nothing matters anymore. It’s over. Or is it? Was it really too late? If I give up then it’s over, but what if I didn’t give up. What if I fight for her, win her back? Show her how much I love her.

Suddenly it felt as though the life had flown back into me. I was reenergized…ready to go out and take a chance.

I made a mistake earlier for watching her go, but I wouldn’t keep feeding that mistake. I would beg her to reconsider. I would make her see how much I love her.

I leapt to my feet and shot out the front door.

I was a warrior in my past life? Well then I’m going to keep on fighting…for Liz.