The Red Summer Sun

By Danielle

Disclaimers: Roswell is cool. But I don't own it- Jason Katims does, and therefore he owns all the characters, too, which sucks 'cause I'd like to own Michael. But I digress.

Notes: This is the 5th story in my Third Eye Blind "Blue" Challenge. It's Maria POV and it takes place after "Into the Woods". And don't worry, #6 will actually have M/M interaction!

Last night I dreamed him. We were driving through the desert in my mom's car. Windows open, breeze blowing in, sun streaming down on us like a ball of fire in the sky. And we were happy. We laughed, smiled. We were connected.

He pulled off the road and started making crazy circles in the dusty underbrush. The car was kicking up these huge clouds of dust and dirt, and we drove like that for hours. Lost in our dusty happy place where no one could touch us. We laughed that special laugh you share with someone you love. I closed my eyes and smiled.

And then I made a mistake. I opened my eyes. It was night and the stars were out. I looked to my left, to the driver's seat to share the beauty with Michael, but he was gone. No trace of him. No spiky-haired alien to share my laughter with. The sun had disappeared too. The sun that had made us warm and had led us to each other. And it was like all the warmth and passion and beauty had gone out of my life. Because Michael wasn't there to share it with. I cried for the loss of the sun, and the loss of Michael. Both illuminated my life.

I woke up in a cold sweat, and the tears were actually on my cheeks. Wiping them away I rolled over, trying to wipe the dream out of my mind, too. Trying to wipe Michael out of my mind. How can he affect me like this? I haven't even seen him since I lied to him about Liz and I having dates with College guys. Like he believed me. I miss him. A lot.

But the dream helped me realize something. Something Michael's been trying to get through my head since he dumped me. Someday he will be gone. No matter how much fun we have, and how much laughter and beauty we share, he'll go home someday. It's all he's ever wanted. And when he goes, where will that leave me?

I'll be alone, wanting it all back. Wanting him back. And knowing I'll never have it. And no one else will be good enough, cause they'll never live up to him in my mind. He knows, and I guess I do, too, how amazing this would be if we let it go some place. It'd be so more than just physical- there would be that special connection. Maybe even deeper than Max & Liz's. Maybe it's already there.

We got to have a little piece of it, enough to know how right we would be together. But it can't be. He knows it. Now I guess I do. We had our one time to feel it. And it was so much more than I ever hoped it would be. But it has to be over. As much as I hate the thought of living without him, it has to be over.

And now I sit in my room, alone, staring out the window. I'm going over every moment we've shared, remembering the feel one last time. Because I'm not going to do this to myself anymore. I have to stop waiting for him to come around. He's not going to, and I know why, and I know he's right. I wipe my cheek as I realize the tears have started falling again. But it's good. It's the last time I'll cry for Michael. Watching the sun set, I let the tears fall for all that could have been, but never will be.

~~~~~

The Red Summer Sun- Third Eye Blind

There's a big red sky

Over you and I

And it's coming down and we're pumping over ground

In dessert air

I hope you'll be there

Cause it's coming down

Pumping over ground

I've seen car wreck kids

Walk away from it

Laughed from within

I know these days will end

(Chorus)

It's been a long time

A long time

To walk with the mighty

I won't be a martyr

So let me go, let me go

On my own

I'll make due with none

I will blame no one

Slept on packing foam

I'll make it all my home

And I'll take on anyone

(Chorus)

And I'll take on anyone

These days they're not done

The red summer sun

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