Motorcycle Drive By

By Danielle

Disclaimers: Michael and Maria don't belong to me, but to the fascist pigs at the WB who say they must remain apart. I'm sorry, I'm a little bitter. The song belongs to Third Eye Blind.

Notes: Okay, so I know I've written a ton of songfic in my time, and a ton of them have been by Third Eye Blind. What can I say? I love them, okay? Anyway, this is mostly a Michael POV- and takes place after "Ask Not". And I am assuming he already has this motorcycle/ dirt bike he's supposed to get this year.

It's time to go home. So how come my feet aren't moving? I can't stop looking at her. It's like when you drive by a car crash, you don't want to look because you know it's going to be gruesome, but you just can't help it. Not that she's gruesome. Far from it. But I can't help looking at her, even though I know I'm just torturing myself.

"Michael? What are you still doing here?"

Liz's voice breaks me out of my Maria zone, and I have to pretend I wasn't looking. "Oh, um, I was just getting ready to go. It took longer than I thought to clean the grill tonight."

She smiles knowingly. "Well, don't forget to put it down on your time card."

I smile back, knowing she knows exactly what I was really doing. "Okay. I will. Thanks."

I finally get my feet moving and walk out of the kitchen and into the break room to grab my things. I open my locker and grab my coat and my keys. As I take my helmet down off the top of the lockers, I see her through the diamond shaped window in the door. She's waiting on Max, Izzy, Alex and Tess. They're the last ones here. I decide to leave without saying goodbye, since that would entail running into her.

Her hair looks great like that. I love it long. I can imagine running my fingers through it and maybe her letting me brush it for her. I've missed her too much to comment on. If I stop to think about it, I'm going to want her even more, and I have to stay away.

I slide on my jacket and run my hand through my hair to make sure it's in it's usual state of disarray before I take my keys back out of my pocket and head out the back door. Hopping on my bike, I put on the helmet and kick-start the engine. It roars to life, and I rev it a few times to make sure it's ready to go.

I drive down the alley, Maria still on my mind. I think about how recently all I've been able to do is watch her. I can't stop. She looks too good to not look at. Like the other night, when she and the rest of the girls were dancing around the cafe. I know she was putting on a little show for me. And I know she knows I was looking. I couldn't help it- she looked so happy. Calm, sweet, peaceful. Exactly what I'm not and exactly what I'd take away from her if I let myself get involved with her again.

Instead of taking a right at the end of the alley like I normally would, I take a left and decide to drive around town a bit before heading home. Clear my mind. Or catch a couple more glances of Maria. Whichever you'd like to call it.

As I drive past the front of the Crash Down I catch her laughing with the rest of them. I miss her laugh. I miss the way it used to make me feel when she laughed. Like all kinds of happiness bubbled up inside my chest and was pressing on my heart. Is that feeling love? I think it must be, because it's the feeling I usually get whenever I'm close to her.

I've been getting that feeling around her for so long, I don't know how to get rid of it. It's a burning sensation, one that sits so heavy on my chest and lungs sometimes I feel like I might burst. The first time I felt it was in that nookie motel in Marathon. She was hungry and tired, and she said all she wanted to do was go home. I felt it then. Like I needed to protect her and watch over her, but also like I wanted to give her everything she ever wanted- myself included.

And it was then that I knew I could never have her. Because what could I give her but heartache? I wasn't what any girl would want or need. I knew I would never be able to make her happy. But I pursued it anyway, because in that instant, I became addicted to that feeling, that burning, that pushed me to get closer to her. I wanted a piece of that happiness that she gave off, the happiness that built in me every time she was close to me. I never felt anything like it before, and I needed it.

I have to stop this. It's crazy. I'm an alien with a destiny. I have to kill other aliens to save my race. I cannot be thinking about some human girl who makes me feel things I never thought I could. I keep driving, farther and farther out into the dessert, as fast as I can. I almost feel like I'm flying. I love the speed and the rush of driving my bike. It's the closest I can get to that Maria feeling, and while it's a poor substitute, I hang onto it for dear life.

I drive for what seems like hours, trying to wipe the thought of her away, and finally I decide it's time to head home. As I pass through the center of town, I can't help but look in the front window of the Crash Down. She's there, cleaning up. The urge to go to her is so strong, I almost give in to it. But in the end, I keep driving, keep going past that window. Past that sweet angel who made me feel so alive. And now that I'm not with her, the loneliness is killing me.

But I can't let myself be with her- it's too risky. I might hurt her. And then the hope that one day I might get to feel the real feeling I'm addicted to will be dead. And I can't have that. So I have to suffice with my long rides into the dessert at night. I rev the engine and head home, trying for all I'm worth to not turn around and go back to her right here and now. I try to live off the feeling of my motorcycle drive bys, even though I know they're never enough.

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Motorcycle Drive By- Third Eye Blind

Summertime and the wind is blowing,

Outside in lower Chelsea,

And I don't know what I'm doing in this city,

The sun is always in my eyes,

It crashes through the windows,

And I'm sleeping on the couch,

When I came to visit you,

That's when I knew, I could never have you,

I knew that before you did,

Still I'm feeling stupid,

And there's this burning, Like there's always been,

I've never been so alone,

And I've never been so alive.

Visions of you on a motorcycle drive by,

Cigarette ash flies in your eyes,

And you don't mind, And you smile,

And say the world doesn't fit with you.

I don't believe you, You're so serene.

Careening through the universe, Your axis on tilt,

Guiltless and free,

I hope you take a piece of me with you,

There are things I'd like to do

That you don't believe in,

I would like to build something,

But you'll never see it happen.

And there's this burning,

Like there's always been,

I've never been so alone,

And I've never been so alive,

And there's this burning,

There is this burning.

Where's the soul.

I want to know, New York City is so evil.

The surface is everything.

But I could never do that,

Someone would see through that.

And this is the last time,

We'll be friends again.

And I'll get over you

And you'll wonder who I am.

And there's this burning,

Like there's always been,

I've never been so alone,

And I've never been so alive.

I go home to the coast. It starts to rain,

I paddle out, on the water alone,

Taste the salt and taste the pain.

I'm not thinking of you again,

The summer dies and swells rise,

The sun goes down in my eyes,

See this rolling wave,

Darkly coming to take me, Home.

And I've never been so alone,

And I've never been so alive.

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