Higher

By Danielle

Disclaimers: Jason Katims, The WB, and everyone else who isn't me own Roswell and its fabulous characters. "Higher" belongs to Creed.

Author's Notes: Okay, so a looong time ago, someone asked me to write an I/A to the lyrics of Higher by Creed, and I meant to but I was so wrapped up in other fics I was writing, that I ended up putting it off until now. I apologize and send this one out to you, Aunt Melba, wherever you may be! This is Isabel POV, set post- Tess, Lies & Videotape, but pre-4 Square and those icky M/I dreams.

I used to hate to go to sleep at night. Because I would dream about things I didn't understand. Alien landscapes and acid green skies. Things I didn't know or want to come into my life ever. I was scared of going home. I admit that. I didn't know what they would expect of me. Or why they left us here to fend for ourselves on some strange planet.

All I did know was that I had parents who loved me like I was their own child, and 2 brothers who I would trust with my life. I had school and friends and things in my life that were comfortable and normal. Things that may seem stupid compared to life on another planet, but they were all I ever knew- like dances and football games and going to the beach and makeup and books and magazines. Stupid things, but the things I held on to so tightly to prove to myself that I was a normal human girl who belonged here.

But when Max healed Liz, I couldn't live in that delusion any longer, because people who were truly human knew our secret. And I resented Liz and Maria for that. I didn't want to be around them or know them because they looked at me like I was different. No, they KNEW I was different, and they treated me that way. I mean, now that I think about it, I can't really blame them- they were scared and so was I, so I remained cold and aloof. It fostered a mutual distrust between us and between Max and me because he wanted to trust them so badly. You know when I started to trust again? The moment I stepped into Alex's dream and saw the way he looked at me.

In that dream, he looked at me with a light in his eyes that I'd almost never seen before. He looked at me like I was special, and even though he didn't know about my non-human status, I knew he wouldn't care. That it wouldn't change the way he looked at me. If anything it would confirm that I was special and make him love me even more. That's what I saw in his eyes- unconditional love. I'd only seen it before from my parents, Max and Michael. So to see it in the eyes of a human who barely even knew me, it kind of shocked me.

I knew I had to know him. The moment I woke up from that dreamwalking, I knew I needed to get inside Alex's head. Cause it would be a beautiful place, full of wonderful, beautiful dreams and love. Maybe even for me. So I pursued him- I made it my job to get the truth from him about what he told Valenti. And even though I was using him, I didn't want to be. Because if anyone could dream such wonderful things about me and not even know me, they were worth getting to know.

And now here I am a few months later and I think I am in love with him. I've pushed him away too many times to count. Why? Because I'm still scared of the unknown. Alex is the first person I've gotten close to who isn't family who might love me. I still don't know what to make of that. But what I do know is that I've been having dreams of my own. Dreams that tell me Alex is the one who'll accept me as I am and love me for it.

They started after I found out the Max was getting visions from kissing Liz. I went to sleep that night both praying for him to find out the truth and absolutely dreading it. What if Max found out something that meant we had to go home? As scared as I was to get close to Alex, I didn't want to lose the possibility all together. As I closed my eyes, I made a wish; some might call it a prayer that I'd get to know what it was like to love someone someday. And then I drifted off.

I found myself in the desert, the sand blazing and the sun beaming down on me. It was so hot, and I was just sitting there, in the heat, looking out at the horizon. I watched and I waited. And suddenly there seemed to be a spec on the horizon. It came closer and closer, blocking out the sun and the heat until I was completely bathed in cool shadow. I looked up and it was him- here in my dream world. Alex came to me. He looked down and offered his hand to me. I took it, and night fell. The stars shone bright overhead, and I stood up with his help. He pulled me slowly into his arms.

"I've been waiting for you," I said, looking desperately for any sign that he felt the same.

"I know, Isabel. I know you have, but you're not ready. Soon you will be."

"I'm not ready? But I've waited so long for you. Can't you stay?"

He pressed his lips to my forehead, and a shiver ran down my spine. "Not yet, my beautiful Isabel. Soon I will stay forever." And in the blink of an eye he was gone. The blazing sun was back and I was alone in the dessert again. Alone and sad.

I called out to him, but he was nowhere. "Alex? Alex- come back! I need you Alex!" I woke up saying his name. I got out of bed and got dressed. I walked to his house and woke him up, demanding that he kiss me to see if it generated any information. I know I told him it didn't, but it did. I saw into his heart. He was ready for me- I was the one who was scared, holding back. I walked away determined to get myself on track.

And every night since that one I've been there- in my blazing hot dream world, waiting and hoping to be ready. Every night he comes to me, kisses my forehead and tells me he'll be there for me soon. And I know that he means it. Soon he'll come take me away from this burning hell of loneliness and solitude into the stars and the clouds. Into happiness.

I try to make myself more open, try to rely on him a little more each day. And one of these days, I will be ready for him. I feel it coming.

Now I cherish sleep. I go to bed earlier every night, hoping for the dream to last longer. Hoping to have an extra minute with him each time, when he might say that he'll stay. Hoping against hope that when I have to wake, the new day will bring him into my life for good. And if it doesn't, the day just makes me impatient for my nightly dreams of him. Because now I know the truth- Alex is meant for me. He's the one who's meant to show me love. The one who'll help me discover happiness and passion.

I cherish sleep as I cherish Alex. Because it lets me see the way things will be. When I finally let my heart and soul free to soar over the desert and away from my own personal hell, Alex will be the one to take me higher than I've ever been before.

~~~~~

Higher- Creed

When dreaming I'm guided through another world

Time and time again

At sunrise I fight to stay asleep

'Cause I don't want to leave the comfort of this place

'Cause there's a hunger, a longing to escape

From the life I live when I'm awake

So let's go there

Let's make our escape

Come on, let's go there

Let's ask can we stay?

Can you take me higher?

To the place where blind men see

Can you take me higher?

To the place with golden streets

Although I would like our world to change

It helps me to appreciate

Those nights and those dreams

But, my friend, I'd sacrifice all those nights

If I could make the Earth and my dreams the same

The only difference is

To let love replace all our hate

So let's go there

Let's make our escape

Come on, let's go there

Let's ask can we stay?

Can you take me higher?

To the place where blind men see

Can you take me higher?

To the place with golden streets

Up high I feel like I'm alive for the very first time

Up high I'm strong enough to take these dreams

And make them mine

Can you take me higher?

To the place where blind men see

Can you take me higher?

To the place with golden streets

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