Title: All You Have To Do Is Call
Author: Jeanny
E-mail: jeannygrrl@hotmail.com
Feedback: Please! I need it.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Season 6 through Older and Far Away, with Spoilers and Speculation for the rest of Season 6.
Distribution/Archive: Go right ahead, if you like, just let me know where it's going.
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all the characters that appear on the show are the exclusive property of Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy, UPN and any one else with a legal binding claim to the shows and/or characters. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: A few years from now, Xander needs a favor from Willow. Oh, and consider yourself warned - I love Anya, but this fic is not for Anya fans...
Author's Note: The title comes from a line from Carole King's You've Got a Friend, though you probably figured that out. I'll be quiet now. Oh wait, no I won't...
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Things never happen the way you expect. Even after spending his life learning that lesson at Hellmouth University, Xander still found himself reeling when those unexpected events happened. He never thought he'd find himself here, sitting on a swing in Weatherly Park, waiting for his former best friend to show. The best friend who became former after he turned his back on her almost two years ago. It had been ugly, what passed between them then, and they hadn't spoken since.
So even though he was waiting for her, he still started in surprise when he spotted her walking towards him, looking...exactly like he remembered her. She gave him a little jerky wave that was so familiar he felt like his heart was breaking all over again.
"Hey," Willow smiled down at him. Xander smiled back nervously. Seeing her in this nostalgic setting was simultaneously comforting, familiar and strange.
"You came," he responded. Willow raised an eyebrow at his tone of surprise.
"You called," she answered simply. A slight breeze made Xander suddenly shiver. The smile slid off Willow's face as she looked away, disappointed. She had hoped, when he called her...but he still hadn`t accepted her. She shouldn`t have come. She turned to go and suddenly felt his arms wrapped around her in a desperate hug.
"I called and you came. And I'm so glad that you did," he said fervently.
"Really?" she asked in a small voice.
He could hear the doubt in her voice as she replied, but her arms were around him and holding on tight, and the rift between them seemed to be growing smaller with every second of contact. Finally Xander pulled away from the hug but kept his arms around her still. He needed her to see the truth in his eyes. She nodded understanding back at him.
"Really," he said sincerely as they pulled apart. "I wasn't sure..." he began, trailing off awkwardly as he returned to his swing. Willow seated herself in the swing to his right, just as she always had when they were kids.
"That I'd come?" she finished his sentence. It was amazing to him that she could still do that. "How could I not? Xander, you were my best friend for, like, ever. And you needed...need me. You know I'll always come when you need me," Willow replied as Xander idly pushed the ground with his feet, moving the swing back and forth almost as if he was rocking himself. He wouldn't meet her gaze.
"I guess...you were pretty mad, and I said some things..." A gentle hand on his arm stopped him and he looked at her concerned eyes, so reassuringly the same as he remembered.
"You said things, so did I. But hey, water, bridge, right?" Willow said hopefully. Xander nodded, relaxing a bit more.
"Right." He'd been so worried that she'd be changed, that they wouldn't have that connection they had always had anymore. But despite everything it was still there. Another surprise life had thrown him, but a pleasant one. He tensed as that thought brought to mind other recent surprises. "Are you gonna say I told you so? Please don't if you are, I've got enough of that in my own head." Willow sighed softly, biting her lip. He was sure she was going to gloat, just a little, but she nodded thoughtfully instead.
"Well...technically I didn't tell you so, did I? I mean, I never understood what the two of you had, but I never thought she'd..." Now it was Willow's turn to trail off, not wanting to rub salt. She was telling the truth; she had never expected this call. To her surprise, Xander painfully finished the thought.
"Leave me. For Giles," he added, his voice cracking slightly. Even after these last few months of dealing with the pain, he still had a hard time saying his former friend and father figure's name. "No, I never thought that either. Obviously. Of either of them." Xander stared stonily at nothing, trying not to give in to the pain. "I guess you never do know."
"Not in my experience," Willow said wryly, then curiosity made her add, "How's everyone taking this?" By 'everyone' she really meant two people, but Xander knew exactly what she meant.
"It's been weird with Buffy. I can't really talk to her about it. I mean, she wants to be there for me, but...it's okay. I've had Tara, and she's been so great..." Xander smiled with genuine affection when he thought of the blonde girl, now his best friend, really. Not taking Willow's place exactly, but...
"Oh."
The pain was in her eyes so briefly that he wasn't even sure he'd seen it, but he grabbed her hand apologetically anyway.
"God, I'm such a schmuck! I'm sorry Will..."
Willow squared her shoulders in that funny way he remembered, and smiled brightly with as much sincerity as she could muster.
"No, it's okay. That part of my life is totally over," she assured him, half-believing her own words. The next thing she said she did mean fully. "I'm glad that Tara's been there for you, Xan. Especially since I've been gone."
"Oh. Good. Because I know she still cares about-" Willow cut Xander off a bit sharply, her control fraying a bit around the edges.
"Okay, I know I just said that part of my life is totally over, but I don't really want to talk about Tara. Okay, Xander? I'm not here to...I'm here for you. To help you deal. When you're ready." They swung in companionable quiet for some time, while Xander thought and Willow waited.
"It's been strange with you gone. I've missed you a lot," he said finally. Willow smiled a bit sadly.
"Me too. Missed you, I mean. I don't really have a lot of friends anymore, with the always travelling and stuff." Xander swallowed hard. The 'stuff' she was alluding too was the reason she'd left on such bad terms with everyone, and he was loathe to talk about it. Still, he was curious if it was worth what she had left behind.
"Are you happy, Will? Job's working out?" he asked awkwardly. For that careful phrasing he was rewarded with a sweet Willow smile that made him feel better and so much worse at the same time.
"More or less," she answered with a shrug. Xander nodded, the feeling of thin ice under his mental feet making him tread very carefully. But there was something he knew Tara wanted to know. The blonde witch would never admit it, but she had never really gotten over her first love.
"Is there anyone...you know, significant?"
The redhead looked surprised at that question, then smiled just a bit naughtily.
"Well..." she began, then pursed her lips in mock annoyance. "Hey, you're doing it again. You keep switching the subject." He hung his head, and she continued in a gentle coaxing voice, "You need to talk about Anya, Xander. Let it out. It's the only way I can help you."
"I...it's just...in spite of what she's done, I still love her. I just can't seem to stop loving her. Which sucks more than I can say," he finished bitterly, a lone tear trailing untouched down his cheek.
"I know," Willow said wistfully, her eyes bright with her own tears, but Xander didn't even seem to hear her as he continued.
"I love her. But I can't forgive her, or Giles...They hurt me more than I ever thought anyone could." He hesitated briefly, then rushed on, "I know you don't want me to talk about her, but I have to tell you, if it wasn't for Tara, I don't think I would have made it, Will. Sometimes I..." Xander bit his tongue and Willow moved in a fluid motion from the swing to the ground in front of him. She knelt before him, looking up at him as she grabbed both of his hands.
"Tell me, Xander. It's all right," she soothed. Xander stared at her, uncertain. His heart had been shattered so many times. And now it held a secret that he knew would change everything. He looked into Willow's encouraging eyes and took a deep breath.
"I wish that Tara was the woman I married instead of Anya, that she and I were together and in love and happy."
Willow turned her face away, blinking back tears furiously. She shouldn't have been surprised. Things never happen the way you expect.
The pain in her heart was shockingly raw and fresh when she turned back, offering up the words that she knew would serve as her final farewell to the lives and loves in which she could no longer really participate.
"Wish granted."
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